Even though it's still December 31st here, I still feel like I have to apologize for being late. It turns out the holidays were much more busy for me than I thought. Still, I'm thankful that I managed to get this out before 2019, at least from my perspective. Hopefully you guys enjoy it.
Fri Nov 23, 2018 12:48 am
Your victim: Zerebos
Show how people can overcome their differences for the sake of the holidays
Kenji Survives the Christmas Apocalypse
The moment Kenji heard the sound of sharp knocks on his door, he knew the feminist invasion had begun. It was the perfect time, of course, with it having been so close to the holiday. The feminists had tons of money from Christmas shopping that they could fund hundreds of wars if they so wished. Everyone's guard was down during the holidays as well, except for Kenji’s of course. He knew the invasion was coming, and he had time to prepare. His room was messy as always, but it was also a capable war room, as well as a makeshift bomb shelter incase the war took to the skies. Yet, he was not as prepared as he could have been. Hisao was missing in action, which Kenji feared had meant he was killed in his sleep by the feminists. Not only that, but he forgot to stock up on pizza before the invasion began, thus making his food supplies only consist of disgusting canned food that he could barely stomach. His milk supply was also running low, which was a very dangerous situation to be put in during a war. Not only that, but his shelter had been found out instantly, leaving him cornered with no means of a safe escape. The feminists had been one step ahead of him this entire time.
However, Kenji wasn’t going down without a fight. Though he knew how dangerous it was to look out his peephole, he was left with no options. Without risks, it was more than likely that he was going to die in here. So, he puffed his chest out and looked through the glass to see which feminist they sent to murder him.
Much to his surprise, it was the student council. He had his suspicions about them before, even with his comrade Hisao dating the president. However, after noticing the pink haired girl’s new hairstyle, he knew something was amiss. Bubbly and loud girls were dangerous enough, but with a haircut so short and so out of the blue, it could very easily mean the worst. Not to mention the student council president’s insistence on ignoring Kenji everytime they interact. It meant to him that she knew he was the greatest threat to the feminist invasion, and they came here to deal with him swiftly.
He wasn’t going to have it. He needed to strike fear into their hearts, enough to possibly scare them enough in order for him to make his escape. Kenji was strong, but not strong enough to take on two feminist warriors. After taking a deep breath and jolting at another set of loud knocks, he started unlocking the various locks on his door. He slowly opened the door, and before the pink haired witch could even utter a single word, Kenji bursted into his loud rant.
“I know why you’re here! To kill me! Well, guess what? It’s going to be a lot harder to kill me than any man you’ve dealt with. I’ve been preparing years for the feminist invasion, acquiring numerous skills the likes of which you wouldn’t even think were possible for a normal human to achieve! I’ve been chugging down protein and milk since I was a baby, growing into the strongest man in Japan! Trying to kill me is the biggest mistake in your lives! But I’m not like you merciless feminists, so I’m going to give you two one chance to walk away. If you don’t, then you’ll only have yourselves to blame…”
Kenji smirked, his confidence gratefully hiding the terror he’s feeling confronting his killers. He knew that if his speech failed to intimidate him, he’d be dead in seconds. Thankfully, the two girls looked completely dumbfounded at what had just occurred. Specifically, the pink haired one, who held her hands up, frozen in disbelief. The president was shocked too, but also a bit annoyed. She wasn’t annoyed at Kenji, though, but rather her annoyance seemed to be towards the pink haired girl.
The president nudged her partner with the elbow, moving her hands swiftly in the air for no rhyme or reason. Kenji recoiled in fear, expecting a curse to befall him at any moment. However, it never occurs.
The pink haired girl snapped out of her shocked trance. “Uh… Sorry to bother you Kenji, er…” she stumbled on her words, looking towards her protegee who only holds a blank expression. “Shicchan wanted to ask you for advice…”
Kenji’s raised his eyebrow, visibly confused at the offer. “Advice? Advice for what? And who the hell is Shicchan?!”
His yell, previously having frozen the student council in place, only manages to get a quick laugh out of the pink haired feminist. It was then that Kenji knew his life was over. “Silly, Shicchan is Shizune!” she said, looking to the president next to her who briefly waves. “And I’m Misha! But~... you probably already knew that. Wahaha!”
As much as he wouldn’t admit to it, he didn’t really know their names. Knowing the names of your enemies is important, but he figured learning their names will allow them to subconsciously attack him mentally at any moment. “Right right. What do you guys what?”
Kenji’s impatience was clear as day, which caused Misha to frown a bit. “Right. Shicchan was trying to surprise Hicch-... Uh, Hisao, with a gift. But, she thinks anything she'll come up with would be too obvious, and she's trying to out surprise Hisao.”
Kenji didn’t understand anything she said, but figured he was being shown mercy. “Out surprise? Why the hell does that matter? Just get him something nice and he won’t care.”
After Misha attempted to put another curse on Kenji, Shizune glares at the man. Kenji closes his eyes and prepares of his death, but the only thing that comes is a reply from Misha. “Then it’s not fun! If you can easily guess what you’re going to get for Christmas, it loses the magic! So, you need to help~.”
It seemed as if he was being held hostage. Was this their attempt to torture him? He gritted his teeth, shaking his head in anger. “Fine. But if you think I’ll break from this torture then you are sorely mistake. I’ve been training my mind and body for numerous torture techniques, so you’re not getting shit from me!”
“Torture?” Misha asked, her face having betrayed her confusion. Shizune’s interest was piqued at the translation, which caused her to start signing with a smug expression. Misha looked to Shizune in shock. “Uh… I don’t think I should say that, Shicchan.”
This only confused Kenji more. Shizune wasn’t saying anything, and yet Misha was able to communicate with her. There was only one one answer to this. “Telepathy!” he yelled, scaring Misha. “You two are using telepathy to communicate, aren’t you?!”
The pink haired girl opened her mouth, only to say nothing at that comment. She looked both scatterbrained and annoyed at the same time. “L-let’s just go look for a gift…”
“Fine,” Kenji glared at the two and he entered the hallway and closed the door behind him. “Just stay out of my mind. I’ve seen stuff you two wouldn’t be able to handle, you know.”
“Uh, okay,” Misha agreed, still confused at the whole debacle that occured. Shizune appeared to be interested in the boy, but refrained from challenging him for the moment. Thus, the trio headed towards the city in silence.
The city was bustling with people, some heading to their jobs while others holding bags and boxes of supposed Christmas presents. To Kenji, it was all a blur due to his poor vision. Not only that, but it was a blur of ignorance. They live their lives, unknown of the terrors of the world that Kenji knows. It was sad. However, he had no time to educate them when he was being taken hostage.
The student council had to constantly guide Kenji throughout the city, given he’d often lose track of where he’s going. It was amusing the first few times, but after awhile it had gotten rather tedious. At one point, Kenji almost walked right into oncoming traffic, to which Misha had to grab him by the collar to pull him back.
“Hey!” he said, being pulled back to his previous position on the sidewalk. “You’re not supposed to be that rough with prisoners you know. Geneva Convention stuff.”
“But I saved your life…” Misha said, looking more annoyed than confused. Shizune started signing, to which Misha translated. “If you need the guidance, you really should just hold on to our shoulders rather than walking around with just a vague idea of where we are.”
“No way. That means I don’t have all my hands open in case of a sneak attack.”
Misha doesn’t question his reasoning, continuing to look over the various stores around the city in case anything piqued her interest. Shizune was doing the same thing, though she found it rather boring to window shop. There was no telling what was in the stores themselves, so window shopping produced no real results. Kenji, growing increasingly impatient at just walking around, sighed loudly.
“Why not just get Hisao a book?” he asked, stopping next to a store he thought was a bookstore, but in reality was just a coffee shop. “He reads all the damn time, you know. Like an addict.”
Shizune shook her head upon seeing the translation, signing her rebuttal. “No no no, that won’t do. Like you said, he reads all the time, so he’ll probably go through the book in less than a week and then forget about it. Plus, there’s no telling if he’ll like the book or not, or even if he’s read the book. Not to mention it’s way too obvious!”
“What does the president think about it, though? She’s his girlfriend,” Kenji said, completely unaware of Shizune’s condition. This didn’t shock Misha, who just sighed.
“She… She agrees.” Misha begrudgingly said, not wanting to have to explain that her companion is deaf to a man this deranged.
“Well here’s the problem, Hisao is too bland,” Kenji admitted, rubbing his chin in contemplation. “He only has a few hobbies, most of which he keeps a secret. He considers reading to be a hobby, which is already a bad sign. Reading ain’t a damn hobby, it’s just something you do. He’s gotta have more than that. I tried to get him into bowling one time, but he pussied out…”
“Ah, so you’re saying he’s like a manga protagonist! Super bland and super dense~.” Misha said, laughing to herself. Shizune nodded in agreement, giggling silently.
Kenji, who continued to think on just how boring Hisao was, eventually came to a realization. “He likes science too. He’s good at it, at least. He tutored me once when I was given a trick question that not even my brilliant mind could solve.”
Shizune looked interested at the idea, but have some questions before she went along with it. “What kind of science specifically? There’s way too many fields of studies that we’d need to narrow down before we even think about what to get him.”
“I dunno. Math related science, I think. He’s a numbers guy, which is an important kind of guy to have.”
“Physics?” Shizune asked from Misha’s voice. “I think Hicchan is good at physics, but I don’t know if he likes it, Shicchan. It’s way too boring~.”
That’s when Kenji thought of a brilliant idea. They needed a science that was not only math based, but wasn’t completely boring either. The perfect candidate fell right into his arms. He looked to the girls with a smirk. “We can get him a coding book.”
Shizune looked rather confused at the thought of a getting him what is basically a textbook. Though as she thought about it, the idea did become less and less ridiculous. Coding was math based and it wasn’t as boring as physics. Really, it was one of the only things that made sense to buy and wasn’t also vastly too expensive for them to afford. She nodded, walking back the way they came towards a bookstore they passed without a second thought. This confused Kenji, given he didn’t see the bookstore.
“Jeez, I thought it was good idea…”
After an explanation from Misha, the trio left towards the bookstore. Once they got there, they discovered it was pretty much devoid of life while the other stores around it were filled with people. The store itself was slightly bigger than the Yamaku library and had a variety of different books available. It took the trio a while to actually find the science books, but after asking around, they were greeted to a variety of different coding books all teaching different languages. It was intimidating, to say the least, especially when Kenji really only had barebones knowledge of coding.
The two girls looked to Kenji, expecting him to pick out the perfect book for beginners. He looked over to them with a smirk. “I don’t know which one to pick.”
Misha frowned, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. “Uh… I’m just going to ask an employee.” With that she quickly left Shizune and Kenji alone. Shizune didn’t really care, deciding to look over a book on C++ for a second. It was clear most of the concepts were going over her head, as her eyes squinted towards the words on the paper. She quickly put the book back, shaking her head towards Kenji.
“What? Too simple? Hisao is a pretty smart guy, but the basics are good if you’re just starting out.”
Shizune started signing as if Misha was there, which caused Kenji to take a defensive stance. “Hey, I thought we were past the incantation stage of the torture. It hasn’t worked yet, so what makes you think it’ll work now?”
Her expression betrayed her frustration. She quickly rummaged through her bag, taking out a small notepad from it. She continued to look through the bag for another second before sighing. Looking at Kenji, she started to move her hand across the page as if she were writing on it. He looked really confused for a moment, before sticking a hand into his pocket and handing her a pen.
“I dunno why you don’t just talk. Playing charades can be good if you’re trying to be sneaky, but I’m right in front of you, so there’s no point.”
Shizune began writing on the paper, handing over the notepad and pen to Kenji with a small message on it. “These books are like giving him homework. It’s too dense, and it won’t be fun.”
Kenji shakes his head. “That’s what makes it good,” he explained, saying it outloud rather than writing on the notepad. “It lets him read it for longer than a week. Plus with this he can learn a new hobby that isn’t completely useless when the war breaks out.”
Shizune tapped her finger on the notepad in quick succession, confusing Kenji even more. Regardless, he writes what he said on the paper verbatim. She looks it over, twirling the pen in her hand as she thinks of the situation. After a few seconds, she writes a note and hands it to Kenji. “It’s not perfect, is the problem.”
He looks at the words with an annoyed expression. Sighing to himself, he said out loud “You don’t get this,” before writing his note to Shizune. “You’re his girlfriend, pretty much anything you give him is perfect in his eyes. Even if it’s stupid or useless in the apocalypse, it matters cause it came from someone you know and care about.”
Shizune reads the note just as Misha returns with newfound knowledge. “Okay~! So the employee doesn’t know either. But she said that a lot of people buy the… Python book, I think she said.”
Shizune signed something to Misha, which caused her to frown. “Aww… Well, okay, we’ll come back another time,” she said, turning to Kenji with an apologetic face. “ Sorry Kenji, looks like Shizune’s gonna pass on this present.”
“What? Why the hell would she do that,” he asked, looking at the president with a glare. She smirked, signing once again to Misha whose face brightened up rather quickly.
“Oh~! It’s because this is your present to Hisao, Kenji. You came up with it after all!”
Kenji was shocked. He hadn’t really thought of getting Hisao anything for Christmas, though that was mainly because he didn’t want to fund the feminist agenda. The more he thought it over, however, the more he grew to like the idea of giving him a gift. Especially something that he thought Hisao would like. It was clear to Kenji that Hisao didn’t always care for his theories and facts on the upcoming feminist invasion, but he was pretty much Kenji’s only friend. Regardless of if Hisao felt the same or not, he wanted to give him something. He smiled softly, nodding at the student council as he picked up the python book from the shelf.
Kenji knew Hisao was leaving Yamaku today for a possible Christmas infiltration mission, but he was still unprepared for it. It was only a few days since he got him his gift, and Kenji had yet to wrap it up. Eventually, he decided it was best to just stick one of those cheap store bought bows on top of the cover and call it a day. The moment he heard Hisao open his door, Kenji started to furiously unlock the locks on his door to catch him before he leaves. Luckly, as he opened his door, Hisao was standing right there in waiting.
“Oh, sup dude?” Kenji asked, nonchalantly holding the book behind his back.
“Hey Kenji,” Hisao replied, looking rather tired, which Kenji noticed right away.
“Damn, you look shit bro.”
“Thanks for telling me,” He said, rubbing his eyes as he held the handle for his luggage. “Look, sorry, I have to go soon with Shizune, so I can’t exactly chit-chat about feminist conspiracies or anything.”
“Hey hey hey, what makes you think I’m gonna talk about that right now?” Kenji asked in an annoyed tone. “I just wanted to say goodbye, man. You know, wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Stuff like that.”
“Oh,” Hisao’s expression warms up surprisingly. He lets go of his luggage for a second and extends his hand out to shake. Before he could say anything further, Kenji extended the coding book out for Hisao to grab. It caused him to jolt in surprise, though he takes the book and looks it over. He reads the cover, skimming over a few pages for a second before closing the book. Looking back at Kenji, he gives him a warm smile, holding out his fist in front of him. “Thanks man. Merry Christmas.”
Kenji completely ignored the fist bump and went in for a bro-hug.