Beyond The Haze [Lilly x OC] - I-4 added 02-17-2019

[Razoredge]

Hi everyone.

I'm back after a huuuuuuuuuuge absence. Why? Because I was tired to write, my fiction borred me, and all this kind of stuff.
But I'm back, and I want to write again. I will not continue my MikixOC fic, cause I haven't any new stuff for you for this fic. However, I've created a new OC, a girl. I present to you Kaori. Kaori means perfume/scent in Japanese. In this story, you'll see a romance between two girls. These two girls are represented on this pic.


I really thank Zinganza for this work. I let her doing whatever she liked to give Kaori a face, and I really like the result.

Kaori is 18, a tall Japanese girl who suffers about prosopagnosia. With this disability, she can't recognize any face. In fact, she can't even recognize her own mother if she's not speaking, or if she don't wear her usual perfume. She must find stratagems to recognize every person. For her mother, Kaori uses her perfume to recognize her, for her father, she has bought a silver necklace with a little pearl on a cross and use it to recognize him. She must find new stratagems for every person she want to remember.

Also, you can see a scar on her chest. She had a heart attack when she was a bit younger, around 15 years old, and was operated for that. She still have some cardiac issues nowadays and needs to take pills for life. It's the reason why she was sent to Yamaku.

If you feel like to produce fanarts about this story, I fully encourage it. Some people here do a really good job, and I'll be very honoured if someone do something about my work.

Feel free to review my work, and I hope you'll enjoy it.

And thanks to Mirage_GSM for his help about my writing. Thumbs up for you.

- Prologue : Ray of sunshine

Act I: Whisper
- White void
- Fleeting words
- Playing in puddles
- A certain point of view

[Razoredge]

Important note : I will only write this fic in English. So, no translation from french to English. Only my English writing skills. Please note I'm a pure beginner in pure English writing. I still hope you'll like this work.


Prologue : Ray of sunshine

Another year in Yamaku. For me, it's the third year here. I go back to my room with my mom. I know she's my mother because she wears her usual perfume, with a little touch of lime. Dad can't come with us today, because he's working. We left our house early in the morning. When we arrived, it was raining. I hate the rain. I had my heart attack on a rainy day. Since that day, I can't bear rain. In that case, my mom's perfume reassures me.

The first thing we do when we reach my room is to put my clothes away in my wardrobe. Simple and efficient. I have to take my pills too. I haven't done it this morning. I swallow these common white pills with a sip of water. I hate these things, but if I want to stay alive, I need to take it. Sometimes, I look my mother in the eye, and I sigh. I will never be able to recognize her face. She's beautiful, I have to admit, but this face is unknown to me. I know this state of affairs will never change, but I still have hope.

Classes will only start tomorrow. I have a full afternoon to do whatever I want. I hug my mother strongly and thank her for her help. She leaves me and promises to call me once she's at home. I ask her to kiss Dad for me. Now, I'm alone. A few minutes after mom's departure, rain intensifies. That's demoralizing. In the yard, some students run to reach the dormitory. In this sad afternoon, something makes me smile. I'll see Saki again. She's a good friend. I don't even know how we became friends. I only recognize her with her voice. The third floor is quite quiet today. Students will surely come in a few hours.

Suddenly, I wonder if mom took my swimsuit. A quick look in the wardrobe and I smile. She's too kind, my swimsuit is here. Swimming is not my favorite pastime, but Nurse told me to do so. For him, swimming will be a good thing for my heart. I trust him. Since I was in Yamaku, he never lied and told me everything. If something is too brutal, he can find the words to tell me the truth. I like him for that. I will get back to the swimming pool this week. My holidays weren't healthy at all, and I can't live like before. My heart will not stand it.

I get up and leave my room. I have nothing in particular to do, I just want to remind me of this place. In the first floor, some people talk to each other. A common day. I can't even remember who's the girl with the black hair and blue eyes in the corner. She must be a second or a third-year student, but I can't remember her name. I'm lost, once again. Everything around me is a pure haze. As if every face was covered by a light fog. It scares me. I rove, without any goal. Praying to hear a familiar voice. It's tir....

" Kaori, you're finally here. " I know this voice. It's her, my friend. Saki. I can't make a mistake.

I turn over and I smile. Saki's face is a blur to me, but I can't get her voice mixed up. The only thing I can do is to hug her frankly. It's her. Her smell is really recognizable. I missed her so much.

" I was afraid. I thought you'll only come tomorrow. I missed you, sweetie. " I'm really sincere when I talk like this to her.

" Me too. Did you get rain during your trip? "

As a good friend, she knows my hatred of rain. Saki knows a lot of things of my past. My scar screams out that I have cardiac issues. She knows that and takes care of me. Even though her disability can kill her, she still takes care of people. And I do the same thing for her. She's important to me.

" Not really. It only starts raining when I arrived. It gets me down, and I roved here, seeking for someone I know. And you came "

Saki's voice is always a ray of sunshine during my bad days. She doesn't do anything and achieve to cheer me up. I hear the rain outside, but now, it means nothing to me. My friend is here, nothing else matters.

" Great. What did you do during your holidays? I've spent all my time with my family." She asked me with a little smile.

" Nothing special. In fact, I've spent all my time playing video games or playing guitar. Mom bought me a brand-new Jaguar last month. A Japanese one, not these American guitars. I'm really satisfied. " I answered.

I play guitar since my first heart attack. Dad bought my first guitar when I left the hospital, to make me happy. I'm a huge metalhead since my childhood, thanks to my mom. My favorite genre is Black Metal, but I essentially play Thrash Metal.

" Really nice. Remind me to come with you someday. I'll really like to hear you playing. " Her smile is a precious thing.

" Of course. It'll be a shame to do something else."

We talked a lot about insignificant things. It's a real pleasure to be with her. I'm 18, I know, but sometimes, I can't bear the simple fact to stay alone. Loneliness scares me. I don't want to do a heart attack alone. Having friends is a shield to me. She knows that. I'm glad to be her friend. With her, I lost my sense of time. But with her help and the help of my other friends and my parents, I can survive this year. And I'll be happy. Nothing else matters now.

[Scroff]

Your English is many times better than my French and I never struggled to understand what you were saying (writing?).

But playing thrash metal on a Jaguar? Really??

[Razoredge]

Yes. It's pretty nice though. I'm playing myself Thrash Metal on a Fender Jaguar, and with the right settings, it's pretty amazing. You can play a lot of styles on a Fender Jaguar, it's the most versatile guitar Fender have ever made with the Stratocaster.

But I'm glad to see it's understandable.

[Mirage_GSM]

Some odd word choices but other than that SpaG are quite good.

I'm always wary of stories where OCs are "overloaded" with disabilities - in this case two conditions that have nothing to do with each other...
I'm not sure if her heart condition is something you've planned to be a major plot point later on, but if not I recommend you rethink it or at least tune it down to something minor.

Of course there are people who have two seperate conditions in real life, but that is exponentially more rare than having only one condition* and such characters always challenge the reader's suspension of disbelief.

*Remember to always bring a bomb when you're flying on an aircraft, because the probability of two bombs on the same aircraft is vanishingly low...

[Hanako Fancopter]

Well I'd say your English is quite good for a beginner. Not too much to say about the story since it is the very beginning, we'll see how it develops. I'll also remain undecided on your OC until I see more of her, but she's not a Hisao stand-in, so that's nice right off the bat. The one thing I'm unsure about is the trait she borrows from Hisao, her heart condition. I'm not sure that she needs her face-recognition condition and heart problems on top of that, it may be a bit much. I suppose it creates a challenge for you to make sure that the story does not simply revolve around those conditions constantly debilitating her.

[Razoredge]

I have something in my mind to do later with this condition. I will make sure to not do anything stupid with that, and of course, I will do my best to not debilitate her with that.

These two things means a lot to me, and it was a thing I wanted to do since a while. That's not a spoiler but her cardiac issue will make a plot point, but not a Hisao one.

It will be a plot for her future life, you'll understand it during the story. But this disability will not be the major topic of this fic, don't worry.

Thanks for the advice though. I will think about an eventually change, but as I said, these two things means a lot for me, but her cardiac issue will be a minor topic, until a specific moment, which is not a Hisao kind of.

[Razoredge]

Act I: Whisper


White void

An entire week has passed. In this 3-3 class, I can't remember any name. A loud pink-haired disturbs me, but I heard she's always like that. Maybe she makes up for her deaf friend. It was a banal week. Not for my heart, that being said.

My first day of swimming was pretty intense. I'm not a very good swimmer, I can't swim for a long time. After a few lengths, my heart beat like crazy. I was frightened, I knew it was sure to happen. Every time my heart is at the wrong pace, I'm scared. Even if I take my pills every day, the same fear consumes my mind.

However, I love my swimming suit. I think it suits me well. As plain as it is, I love it. My previous swimsuits were badly cut. They were at the right size, but I don't know why, but something was wrong with the chest.

I have to carry on, and my progress will come out. I'm always swimming before dinner. I don't even know why, but it was a habit for me. And every time I'm swimming, I'm hungry. I ask what time is it to a swimming partner, half past six. I'm swimming for an hour.

One more length and I take my shower. The water in the shower is pretty hot, much more than the pool. I love hot water, it's reassuring. The steam wraps me up, such a nice feeling. But I can't spend my time taking a shower. My stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

Ten minutes later, I'm on the way to a nice dinner. Some students do the same. Before winter, I try to eat before dusk. It's a comforting habit since I was ten. In the line, I'm wondering what I can eat. Someone pushes me a little.

It could be insignificant, but the same person wraps her arm around my neck. Only a few people do the same thing to me. I'm at school, only Saki could do this to me. Her smell speaks for her. I like her cuddles, they are so sweet. I'm very tall, so she must be on tiptoe.

"Want somebody to eat with? She asks me."

" Of course, I want. You're always welcome."

There five or six people before me. I still have the time to choose my meal. Tonight, I don't want to eat meat, fish is a good choice. With some fried veggies, it will be perfect. My turn comes, and I take my meal. Saki takes some vegetables and meat. An ordinary meal.

She searches for two seats, and we're done. I have some things to tell her, so for me, it's the right moment. I take a bite of fish. Not bad. Tasty and juicy. I always had a preference for fish. But I sigh. Mom told me some bad news.

"You know my father is a heavy smoker, don't you? Mom told me it's worse than ever."

"He knows you hate that, right? Why does he still smoking?" She asks me, worried.

"It seems his work exhaust him too much. When he's tired, he smokes a lot to be awake. He knows that I hate this thing, so, every time I'm at home, he goes outside." I sigh once again.

She looks troubled. My father always worked hard for us. I admire him for that. He never takes care of himself. His family is his number one priority. Sometimes, I try to convince him to take time for him. And every time, I talk to a brick wall.

" He stills work late?"

" Yeah. You know what it is. A typical salaryman who takes work with him at home." I'm afraid for him, very afraid.

" It's ok, Kaori. He knows you're scared for him, and he will change, I'm sure he will." Saki is always confident about these things.

The rest of the meal is silent. In fact, this place isn't noisy. At midday, there is such bustle, but not during dinner. Fatigue is a vicious matter. Somebody shows up in my field of view. A girl with her arm wrapped in a bandage. She must be a classmate, but I don't know who is she. She's with a girl with some flashy blue hair. She seems pretty tired.

Once we have done, we clean our table and leave this place. Outside, the weather is lovely. Not too warm, but not too cold. I lie down in the grass. It's moist but also pleasant. I feel like a child. When I was young, I loved to lie down in the grass with my mother.

Your body is surrounded by feelings. Dampness, coolness, you lose all notion of time, your mind is sucked into a white void. At midnight, with my mother, when everything was quiet, my heart beats were the only thing I heard. Such a simple, yet wonderful thing. Just me, and my mother. Nothing else.

" You see these stars? When I was young, I thought I could touch them. I was amazed, as much as a kid could be. Sometimes, I wonder if stars are souls. That's childish right? " I giggle.

" We're all children in our heart. Don't be ashamed to think like that. " She smiles, her eyes closed.

The wind blows, quietly, peacefully. My hair goes wavy as I nearly fall asleep. I'm pretty tired. Everything is silent here. No noise, no cars horn, no public works, just me, Saki and our friend the wind. My mind reaches the white void. But all good things come to an end. We need to go to bed.

Tonight, I'll sleep tight. My mind is peaceful, and swimming tired me. I wish her a good night, and I reach my room. My pajamas wait for me. It's a casual thing. A black jogging pants with a white tank top. Simple things are the best. I put it on me, and I go to bed.

Before I fall asleep, something pops up in my mind. It's about my way of swimming. I need to ease my speed. I have to swim slowly. I have to increase my stamina. With this state of mind, everything will be better.

Then, I'm in the arms of Morpheus. That was a good week. A tough start, but a nice finish.

[Razoredge]

Fleeting words

Sunday. What a lovely day. During the week, I swim before dinner. But, when Sunday comes, I always swim in the morning, to help me wake up. Every Sunday, I get up at a quarter past seven. My stomach rumbles, and I'm going to get some breakfast. Every morning, I eat the same thing. Some rice with greens and a boiled egg. Nothing fancy, but strongly nourishing. I'm not very original with food.

Outside, there's nearly nobody. Most students are still sleeping. I never was a huge sleeper. Sometimes, I only sleep for four hours. Of course, at midday, I'm tired, but I cannot do otherwise. My swimming suit is in my bag - with a towel, too. I have plenty of time, so it's pointless to run. On my way, I wonder if I'll become a great swimmer someday.

The swimming pool's building looks exactly the same as the others. Everything here looks trite. Except for the gate - that is too pompous. When I reach the pool, I'm stunned. Absolutely no noise. Three people are swimming, quietly, and that's all. Sunday is one of my favorite days, just because of that. In the locker room, I put my swimming suit on and head for the pool.

On the diving board, I gaze at the surface of the water. Smooth as a mirror. I take a huge inspiration, and I dive. I never open my eyes under water. In a pool, the water is always saturated with chlorine. I swim the crawl, every time. It's the only kind of swim stroke I'm able to do. I do a few slow laps as a warmup. That's essential. Without a good warmup, the chance of injuries is tremendous.

I take my time, I don't want to hurt myself. My warmup is always around two or three laps. Sometimes, I say Hello or a few other words to my swimming partners.

When I'm in the pool, I'm focused on my training. Everything else doesn't matter. I have to admit, swimming is not my favorite pastime. Nevertheless, the nurse told me to swim, for my heart. He knows what's good for me. If I give up, if I don't follow my treatment correctly, I'll go back to square one.

When I was at the hospital, everything was different. I couldn't walk a few meters without anyone. My heart was in poor condition, and everything was made to help me to bear the surgery and the treatment. I just can't thank them enough, but at night, when I was alone, the heaviness on my chest was so hard to bear that I burst into tears.

I don't want to go through that again. So, I have to swim. The pool is like a way out. I will live like that for the rest of my life, but I have to keep fit. Every day, I try to swim between half an hour and an hour. It reinforces my heart, and it develops my muscles a little. A perfect sport, after all.

Then my real training begins. I don't swim really quick, but I'm trying to improve. Perseverance is the key. If I surrender, I will never get better. I start my laps, slowly, and I speed up from the third lap. I'm focused on my swimming, and I must keep this state of mind.

...................................

Half an hour of training is adequate. It doesn't tire me too much. I take a quick but warm shower. You just can't swim and put your clothes back on without a shower. Chlorine is not a good thing for skin. I wonder what I can do before lunch. I have nothing planned today.

Suddenly, I remember that I have finished the only book I currently have from the library. I have a substantial collection of books at home, but in a rush, I forgot to take some of these. Time to go to the library. It's on the second floor of the main building. I'm a regular, I can't pass two weeks without a book.

When I reach my destination, I wonder what kind of book I should borrow. I push the door, and I walk into the library. This place is always silent, that's really nice. The librarian is working behind her desk. It must be the librarian. Someone who works in a library with some books' reservation stuff is a librarian.

I make a few steps, and I hear a little greeting. The voice is so low, I can't recognize it. I just answer to this greeting and head for the first shelf. I search for a few minutes, but there's nothing attractive. Sometimes, I can be difficult with books.

" You want something particularly, kitten?"

Only three people call me by that nickname. My mother, my father and... Yuuko. She's aware of my problem and calls me like that to help me to remember her. That's nice of her.

" Oh, Hi Yuuko. Sorry, I didn't recognize your voice initially. " I smile to her. She takes care of us, in her own way. " Yes, do you have some books about Japanese mythology? I love this kind of books."

She does not know if some books are currently available. She searches on her computer, then she smiles.

" Yes. This is on the third shelf on the right, in front of you." She answers me with her sweet voice.

" Thank you, Yuuko. You're too kind."

I go towards the third shelf. In my mind, some wishes tumble out. I have a vague idea of what I'm looking for, but nothing specific. I search a book with a good title. All of a sudden, I hear a voice next to me. I was so obsessed with my search for the perfect book, I didn't notice someone was alongside me.

" Do you know where this book is? "

I raise my head and meet a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes. She must be a foreigner. You can't find a lot of Japanese people with blonde hair and blue eyes. She has a paper in her hand, with a title written on it. So, she wants a book about Japanese mythology too.

I look at the shelf and directly find her book. It's at the top, with some other books. I take it because I'm taller than she. The front cover is full of dots underneath the title. It must be Braille. Why should a book be covered with dots if it's not written in Braille?

" There it is. You like Japanese mythology too?"

" Thanks. I try to diversify my reading. But it's a good subject, I have to admit." She answers me, smiling.

She must be blind, her eyes speak for her, and the book too. But I won't say anything about that. We all have our problems, and some of us doesn't want to talk about that.

" Oh, forgive my bad manners. Lilly, Lilly Satou. " Her voice is sweet and peaceful.

" Kaori, Kaori Yamamoto. Nice to meet you. " I'm honest, it's a real pleasure for me to meet new people. But I have to find new stratagems to remember each person.

I try to write her description down on my mind. A blonde girl with blue eyes, and a sweet voice. She even has a hair bow. I have to retain this description. I know I'll never be able to memorize her face, but I can remember some details if I repeat them regularly.

" Thanks again for the book, Kaori, you're too kind. " She still smiles. Her smile is a marvelous thing.

" Don't worry. It was my pleasure." I answer to her.

We go back to Yuuko’s desk to register our books. Then she leaves the library first. I talk with Yuuko about trivial things before leaving the library, too. I will spend the rest of the day reading this book.

Not a bad morning. A bit of swimming, and an encounter with a lovely girl. Not so bad. I love this kind of day. I need more of these.


Thanks to Mirage_GSM for his reading and his help about my writing. I really appreciate it.

[Oddball]

Not too shabby so far. You character's narration has a lot of personality in it and I like the details of how she has to remember her friends and family.

[Razoredge]

I appreciate it, really. I always try to improve my writing, and the help of Mirage will be a really good thing for me.

[Razoredge]

Playing in puddles

We have science class early in the morning. Science is not my favorite subject, but sometimes, some lessons are really interesting. Especially when the topic is the human body.

When the teacher talks about the heart, I pay close attention to every word. I'm early, as usual. I hate to being late, so I try to come ten or fifteen minutes before class starts.

Finally, the teacher comes. He seems to be wearier than most of us. However, he starts the lesson quickly. It seems that today, we'll talk about plants. I'm not really that enthusiastic about plants, but never mind.

I take out my notebook and take some notes. When he draws a plant, I try to do the same thing. But the result is a shame. I will never be a good drawer.

When I begin to get bored in class, I doodle. It keeps me busy when I don't know what to do. But that's hopeless. I'm not good with a pencil in hand. At least, I manage to focus, and like that, I can take the course.

Outside, it starts to rain. I planned to go into town with Saki. If the rain goes on, that plan will have to be thrown out. Nevertheless, spending time with my best friend is always a good thing.

Then, this lesson is over. Our English teacher comes. It must be our English teacher because she's speaking in English. I love this language because it helps me to understand some of my favorites movies without subtitles.

However, my oral skills are dreadful. I can totally understand English when I read it, but my accent is very unpleasant to hear.

Today's lesson is about vocabulary. Great, I don't have to speak. This is a good thing. I write every single word, with its meaning in Japanese. I know some of these, but I still write them. The list contains around 25 words. Not too much.

When the teacher asks us to work in groups, everyone is moving to work with someone. Even my neighbor. I look around, and I see a girl who's alone.

A girl with dark purple hair, with burns on the right side of her body. She will be my teammate for today because we need to work in groups. I head for her desk, slowly.

Her attitude is clear. She's very shy. I need to be gentle with her. Her sheet is empty, and she's shaking when she sees me. Okay Kaori, you have to handle her with kid gloves.

" Hi, I think we must work together. " I say, with a friendly voice.

" We.... we must? " She seems to be lost.

I will take my time with her. It seems that a single word can break her. This work is simple, but working with her won't be an easy job. The first two questions are easy. Answering them will take two or three minutes.

I start to answer these questions, and she mimics me. I'm quiet to appease her. But, when she reaches the fourth question, she has something to ask me.

" How... how do you write this... In English?"

She doesn't know how to translate ‘Hanabi’ to English. I can't judge her, some people have difficulties with foreign languages.

" Fireworks. It's called a fireworks. " I answer.

I write this word for her, and she writes it in a little notebook, with a smile. After that, she's quiet. We focus on the work and manage to finish on time. But, right after the lesson, she vanishes. I can't blame her.

Saki must be waiting in the hall, as usual. Most students are rushing to the cafeteria, but today I will not follow the crowd.

However, there is nobody in the hall. It seems I'm alone. It doesn't matter, I can be very patient. Suddenly, somebody pinches my ribs - lightly, but enough to surprise me. When I see who did this to me, this person hugs me frankly. Obviously, it's Saki. She's mischievous, sometimes.

" Ready for a wonderful afternoon? " she says. She must be joking because it's raining outside.

" For sure. You'll be my umbrella, right? "

She knows that I'm joking. Occasionally, she taunts me about my height, so it's only fair. Outside, we walk as fast as we can. We don't want to look like drowned rats. But, if we want to reach the Shanghai, we have to walk for a long time.

.............................................

Finally, we're inside the restaurant. We're soaked to the skin and very hungry. Saki finds a free table, and we sit down. I already know what I want to eat - some miso ramen - and Saki also chooses what she wants to eat.

Then, she orders for us. A few minutes later our meal is ready. I recognize Yuuko by her voice and thank her.

When I eat ramen, I eat very fast, as if I was afraid it might mysteriously disappear. I try to eat slowly, but I just can’t manage to do so. However, it's delicious. If I love a dish, I eat very fast, it's a bad habit.

Suddenly, a question appears in my mind.

" Saki, I worked with a girl this morning. A shy girl, with burns on the right side of her body. She was pretty, though. Do you know her?"

She thinks for a little bit, then she has the answer.

" You must be talking about Hanako. Yeah, she's shy, you have to be very gentle with her. " She answers me.

" Does she have any friends? " I wonder.

" Lilly is her best friend. She helps her a lot. "

I try to connect some memories to this name, but nothing happens. Saki notices it and helps me.

" The tall blind girl with blonde hair. " She answers me with a smile.

" That's right! I tried to remember her name, but I couldn't. I met her a few days ago, she was pretty and kind. "

Saki giggles. She knows I'm not innocent when I talk like that. I finish my dish quickly. This place is one of my favorite restaurants. I was never disappointed with the food here.

Saki eats slower than me, but that's okay. I'm patient. When Yuuko asks us if we want a dessert, we decline. We pay our bills and leave.

Luckily, the rain has stopped. The weather still isn't great, but at least we won’t get wet again. There are puddles everywhere, and it makes me smile. I can remember a lot of things thanks to puddles.

" You see this big puddle? We used to jump into this kind of puddle with Dad when I was a child. Mom wasn't happy of course, but that was fun. We did a lot of simple but funny things. Now... "

" He doesn't have the time, right? " She answers me, interested in my past.

" Not anymore. But... I miss this kind of stuff. "

She gives me a little tap on the shoulder, and we walk around. Suddenly, I have an idea. I take her by the arm, without saying anything, and go towards a little jewelry shop. I want to buy something for her and for me too.

In a few minutes, I see what I want. Two little necklaces. Nothing fancy, but it's lovely. There is a part of a heart on each one. I buy them instantly. I'm sure it will make Saki happy. And when she sees it, she's more than happy. She hugs me like she never did before. It seems it means something to her.

She's my best friend, and nothing is too much when I want to make her happy. It's pretty cute on her, though. She wants to go to the little library near the jewelry shop. It looks as if she noticed a book a few days ago. Why not?

Inside, there are a lot of books. The shop seemed to be small, but it's actually huge. Saki leaves me alone to search for her book. I don't know what she wants to do, but she wants to be alone to do it. In a few minutes I find a lot of interesting books.

Nevertheless, as I am reading a summary, she pokes me in the rib, innocently. We leave the shop, and when we're outside she offers a big book to me.

" I know you like this kind of stuff, so, I had to buy it for you. " Saki says to me with a great smile.

It's a book about Japanese mythology. A really big one. I really respect the author of this book, so, it's a wonderful gift for me.

" Thanks.. It means a lot to me. " I strongly hug her.

During our return trip, we don't say anything. Sometimes, words are not needed for us. We can communicate without saying anything. Saki knows I love her, and I know she loves me. She will always be there for me, and I will be there for her too.

That's what best friends do. I was lucky to meet her. At the dorm, we separate but not for a long time. Never for a long time.

[Razoredge]

A certain point of view

4 am. I rolled over in bed for an hour. When I hear a storm, I can't sleep. I have to admit, I'm afraid of thunder.

Tonight, it's just a slight thunderstorm. But I'm still afraid. Fear isn't rational at all, I know it. With a storm, I can't set foot outside.

The thunder is loud. This storm is very close. Too close for me. I have to fight my fear by myself. Disturbing my mother for that? No way. She must be sleeping.

Luckily, today, lessons are only in the morning. However, I need to buy food. Some afternoon snacks. I'll go to the city this afternoon.

If I can't sleep, I only have one thing to do. Reading. I take my book about Japanese mythology, and start my reading from the third chapter. This chapter is about Yokai. I can't get enough of this subject.

When I'm reading, I lose track of time. My mother always told me that was a good sign. It means you're passionate about a subject. During my reading, the storm finally stops.

I look at my alarm clock. It's half-past five. I've only slept two hours tonight.

I will not swim today. The nurse is going to kill me, but I never swim when I'm tired, for security purposes.

I swallow my pills with a little bit of water. It helps me to stay alive. Thanks to these little things, my heart doesn't act up too much.

One chapter later, it's seven. I get up, and I put my clothes on. It's still raining, but fortunately, the storm is over. I stretch out, and my spinal column cracks.

It's cold outside, but nevermind. I'm hungry, and a good breakfast should help me to stay awake. The freezing rain slides down my back. It's an awful feeling.

At the cafeteria, a few students are chatting while eating. I take some rice, greens and a boiled egg. The same thing every morning. I can't change my habits, and I don't want to.

I'm alone this morning. Not a problem. Sometimes, it's good for you to be alone. Not all the time, of course. I sit down and begin eating.

...................

A few minutes before the first lesson of the day, I nearly hit my desk with my forehead. I think the day may be long.

My neighbor nudges me when the teacher comes. I take my notebook and write some notes.

Sometimes I doze, I have to admit. This lesson is interesting, I know that, but I can't fight against tiredness. I try my best, but there's nothing I can do. I know I have no excuses. I only had to sleep last night.

Nevertheless, the storm is a phobia for me. And you can't struggle against a phobia. I have to deal with it.

All the lessons of the morning follow the same thread. I take some notes and try not to fall asleep. Not a productive morning at all.

I'm not a lazy girl, but when I'm tired, I'm tired, that's all. Tomorrow will be a better day, I'm sure.

When all the students rush to the cafeteria, I head for the girls' dorm. I have to get my wallet and my bag, too. Outside, the rain finally stops.

There is a convenience store not far away. I just have to walk a bit. On the way a little breeze is blowing. Sometimes, I find this soothing.

I'm alone, there's nobody on the road. The birds are singing, the wind is blowing. What a peaceful afternoon. I love this place. However, it took me almost two years to feel good at the academy.

Now, this place is my second home. People here helped me to feel better. I've a lot to thank them for. Sometimes, I still want to be with my family, but now, I'm not sad to be here.

A few minutes later, I reach my destination. I'm not a very fast walker, but I have a good pace. I think about what I could buy.

First of all, I take some chocolate biscuits. I know this is not good for my heart, but just a few shouldn’t be too bad.

Two packs of strawberry biscuits grab my attention. Strawberries are my favorite fruits along with cherries. I take some plain cookies too, and I'm done.

"That's pretty cheap..." I say when I calculate the overall cost of my purchases.

I make a detour, just to see the new products. Suddenly, someone asks me if I can help them.

"Sure. What do you need?"

The blonde girl in front of me needs a particular kind of ramen, maybe for a soup. I guide her towards the right section because she's blind. Her white cane speaks for her.

It takes me a few seconds to find what she needs. I put the ramen on her basket. I have to admit, her kind smile is beautiful.

"Thanks... Kaori?"

If she knows my name, I have already met her before. If she’s blind she is probably also a Yamaku student, but I can't recognize her face.

Fucking disease. I always feel a huge embarrassment when I can't recognize someone. It's an awful feeling.

"Yes, but... Sorry, but I can't remember your name..." My voice is low. I feel a little bit ashamed.

She slightly laughs. It's a friendly laugh.

"Lilly, Lilly Satou. You can't remember the faces of people, right?" She says to me, with a smile.

"... Yes ... I'm sorry..." I hate these situations.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to apologize. Don't blame yourself for your disability."

She's really nice to me. Inwardly, I thank her. Just with her words, she soothed me. Some people would be mad at me, but not her, fortunately.

Then, we head for the checkout. I was right, my purchases are cheap. Around one thousand yen. Outside, Lilly wants to go back to school with me.

On the way, I wonder why she is like that with me. She must have her own reasons. But it's not really important.

"I wonder... You must be half Japanese, right? You're tall for a Japanese woman, such as myself." I ask her.

I'm tall for a Japanese girl, I know that. I don't even know why I'm this tall. All my family was Japanese for so long, I can't explain why I'm taller than my entire family.

"In fact, I'm half Scottish on my mother's side and half Japanese. It must explain why I'm this tall, I think." She answers me with a slight laugh.

It makes sense. I heard European people are taller than Asian people. I wish I could travel to Europe. Especially to Greece, because I really like mythology.

"I have never been to Europe yet. Is Scotland a nice country?"

She stays quiet for a bit and seems to find something to answer. I can't see any emotion on her face. It's pretty weird.

"From a certain point of view, yes. My sister always says that Scotland is a very beautiful country. But there are some things I don't like there."

It seems she doesn't want to explain. I understand, there are some things I hate to explain, too.

In my soul, I know I should never have asked this question. I don't know if she's mad at me. I hope it's not the case. I was just curious, that's all.

Nevertheless, a few seconds later, she's smiling. It's strange but reassuring. On the way, we talk about insignificant things. Obviously, she's not mad at me.

This kind of conversation is pleasant. Of course, it's important to talk about important stuff, but sometimes, it's nice to talk about unimportant things.

Her voice is very sweet. Sometimes, she speaks in a well-bred manner, and I can discern a little motherly tone.

I have to adapt my pace to hers, but that's fine. I don't walk too fast when I talk to someone.

Finally, we are back to school. Honestly, I had a good time with Lilly.

"Thanks, Lilly, it was good to speak with you." I say, with complete honesty.

"You're welcome. We can do this again if you want."

We separate, and I head for my room. It was a lovely little afternoon. This is why I consider this place my second home, now. You always meet nice people.

I put my purchases away on my cabinet. With four or five packs of biscuits, I can hold out a whole month.

I spend the rest of my day reading. When I don't know what to do, I read a book. It's a satisfying way to spend my time.

I should buy a little acoustic guitar too. Some models are pretty cheap today. I can't ask my mother to bring my guitar and my amp. My amp is too heavy for her.

My Japanese mythology book awaits me, and I bury myself in it.