Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

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PKMNthiefChris
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 9:35 pm

Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Tue Oct 30, 2018 11:21 pm

A young man sits on a park bench. The air is brisk, typical for this time of year, when leaves begin their drifting descent and slowly return to the earth. Turning up his collar to block the wind he watches the falling shapes that come in a menagerie of colors: purple, orange, and gold, so like her hair.

He remembered her telling him of her love for autumn and it's falling leaves on the school roof one evening, not long after they'd met. "Autumn is like the grand finale," she'd explained. "Even as it all ends it's so magnificent you can only watch in awe. When my time comes... I want to be like that." Her last few words were spoken in a hush that he barely picked up. But he'd found himself in awe of her and her words about the end. He didn't tell her then.

Time drifted by like the bright leaves she loved and they had found themselves in the same park he now sat. A picnic lunch spread out before them and friends under a low hanging tree he watched the setting sun shine through her hair. Neither had much time to their names, a girl with paint splattered sleeves who would be gone long before her time and a messy haired young man whose heart didn't beat in time with the rest of the world, like a broken clock. Summoning what little courage he had, he asked her to go the Shanghai with him that weekend, just the two of them. And with a smile that could've convinced fallen leaves to go back to their trees or stopped time altogether, she'd taken his hand and said, "I've been waiting for you to ask."

Moments and events blew past them like scattered leaves. Days spent mixing colors of paint, nights watching cheesy horror flicks that weren't scary at all, time stolen from a future they might not see. Living in scattered moments and by clocks that didn't keep time right.

And so it came one particularly chilly November night, leaves being blown against her window, they found themselves snuggled together in her room. "I love you," he whispered, the walls of her room and tangled blankets and sheets the only witnesses to his confession and her wide eyes. He was afraid of what she'd say but he knew life is short and the broken clock marked his shorter.

Her hands were trembling as she looked at him fully and voice weak said, "There's no happy ending for me, Hisao. The best I can hope is going out in style."

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to find the right words. Opening his eyes slowly he spoke, "If coming here has taught me anything it's that there are no happy endings. An ending is always sad, so let's just be happy until the end."

Tears were in her eyes at his words and she stared into his eyes for a long time before eventually nodding. "You've been reading too much poetry," she'd said. "But okay. Let's make each other happy until the end." He pulled her close as she echoed three words and wind blew leaves against a window and a broken clock measured out their time together.

Scattered bright moments blew by: fresh snow, Christmas, graduation, and more until eventually he would find himself on a bench in the brisk autumn air. As he watches the leaves blow about in the wind he smiles to himself and quietly says, "Saki, I'll see you again soon."

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Scroff
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Re: Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by Scroff » Wed Oct 31, 2018 2:21 am

I feel you've captured a feeling of mono no aware very well, and they both exhibit impressive amounts of gaman. I had a strong emotional response to this, going to take me a while to pin down why though.

Thank-you!

PKMNthiefChris
Posts: 41
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 9:35 pm

Re: Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Wed Oct 31, 2018 10:06 am

Scroff wrote:
Wed Oct 31, 2018 2:21 am
I feel you've captured a feeling of mono no aware very well, and they both exhibit impressive amounts of gaman. I had a strong emotional response to this, going to take me a while to pin down why though.
I had to look up what those things were but feelings of impermanence and perseverance through it were definitely what I was trying to show.

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Feurox
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Location: England, Oxfordshire

Re: Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by Feurox » Tue Nov 13, 2018 9:44 pm

A superb read! Heart-wrenching and heartfelt. Incredible job. Like Scroff, this has me feeling things I can’t quite pin down - The timelessness? Broken Clocks are such a powerful image, maybe it’s being unable to comprehend how something like time can break/exist to begin with - and our small part in all of it. Hisao doesn’t seem to accept it, whilst Saki is ultimately the only one fulfilled for not fighting it?

Truly wonderful - look forward to reading more of your work.

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Razoredge
Posts: 61
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:31 pm
Location: Bordeaux, France

Re: Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by Razoredge » Wed Nov 14, 2018 8:32 am

I have to admit, it's wonderful. Really nice job.
I'll look to your next job with a lot of attention.
Kenji > Lilly = Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Misha is a MOAB, she's out of the competition.

Hanako Fancopter
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 6:27 pm

Re: Fallen Leaves & Broken Clocks

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:02 pm

Short but powerful. All of a sudden found myself tearing up at this fic which is really, really surprising, to say the least. I rarely tear up at anything, much less a random fanfic. I can just imagine this being the epilogue to a Saki route where it would fit beautifully. Very effective at evoking the sense of people who have made peace with their lot in life, deciding to just live it out in a state of content melancholy. It describes just enough to get you there while leaving the rest to your imagination. It's the most emotional response I've had to a fic by far, so good flipping work.

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