Velvet sleeves (First real fic)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Pipsqueak
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Joined: Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:28 pm

Velvet sleeves (First real fic)

Post by Pipsqueak » Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:16 pm

The music hums through the ballroom, it seems like Akira’s company wasn’t joking about a company dance. People mosied around some dancing with their partners, other awkwardly hugging the sides chatting with others about mundane things like the flavour of the drinks or who’s seeing who.

Lilly moved through the crowd smoothly if a bit slowly, once people saw her cane they quickly moved out of her way. She appreciated their kindness but wished they’d stop talking about her once they thought she wasn’t listening. It was always the same things.

“Is that really Misses Satou’s sister?”

“She looks far older than she is.”

“Shame she has to visit such a pretty ballroom and can’t even see it”

She found it best to tone them out after awhile, their compliments and words of pity all began to blend together and hurt her head. And she needed to be her best if she was going to meet Akira’s mysterious boyfriend. She’s only heard of this mystery man but from what Akira’s said he seems to be the full package, if a bit strange but who isn’t?

After awhile of walking through people and trying to keep her dress clean in a room filled with people who have probably drank more than their fair share she finally heard the familiar voice of her suit wearing sister.


“Hey Lils over here! To your right!”

Did she really have to call her that here of all places? She promised to stop calling her that. Nonetheless she approached the sound of her sister calling out for her.

“There you are sis, I see you why you kept me waiting. Half the guys in here can’t take their eyes off of you, which by the way is totally not okay!”

She couldn’t see it but heard quite a few people suddenly turn around with either a cough or a quiet apology, Akira seemed satisfied with the result.

“Sorry about that, I guess compared to my ugly mug an admittedly gorgeous woman walking around wearing a dress that’s probably more well made than anything these chumps could dream of attracts a bit of attention.”

Lilly felt herself blush just a bit at her sister’s praise and suddenly felt silly for getting annoyed at the nickname.

“So Akira, when will I get to meet this secret boyfriend of yours” She asked politely but with a hint of impatience coming through, she’d been wanting to meet this man for months now and each time Akira always found some sort of excuse.

“They’ll be here soon, but until then why don’t we dance. I need to get warmed up before I show these losers how it’s done.”

Humble as always Akira

“I’d love to.”

Akira would reach out her hand and after a bit of feeling around for it Lilly takes her silent invitation and steps out onto the dance floor. Despite her more regal way of carrying herself she was surprisingly novice at dancing, she allowed Akira to lead the waltz.

“I think you’ve gotten better since last time Lils.”

“Last time I nearly twisted my ankle.”

“So you *have* improved”

She couldn’t see it but she was certain Akira was grinning at that comment like she usually did whenever she made a comment like that.

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring Hisao, I’d think he’d like something like this.”

“He’s kicking himself for missing it trust me, he promised his parents he’d come over the break and when he heard about this he seriously considered calling his parents to cancel on them.”

“Ah he’s a good kid, I’d feel guilty if my little sis was convincing him to spend time away from his family”

“It’s not like I was forcing him, I told him that his parents were more important than some silly dance and I-”

“Relax Lils I was just joking, you’re so uppity tonight.”

She pouts.

“Oh don’t give me that look, you know I can’t handle when you give me that stare, it’s against the geneva convention or something.”

“Fine but you know what happens if you keep poking” she threatens sweetly.

“You know…. Oh hey they’re here!”

Akira quickly runs off before realizing what she’s done and returns, leading Lilly carefully over to the mystery man.

“Okay Lilly this is my-” She sniggers. “This is my boyfriend.”

“Lilly Satou a pleasure to meet you.” She extends her hand to the Boyfriend.

Nothing.

“She does know right?” A strangely monotone but familiar voice askes.

Akira is trying not to laugh. “She has no idea!”

“What’s going on Akira? Who is this and why does he sound so familiar?”

Another muffled laugh.

“Lilly meet my wonderful partner, light of my life and all kinds of other fancy words for significant other Rin Tezuka!”

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Mirage_GSM
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Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Velvet sleeves (First real fic)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Oct 29, 2018 11:21 am

Okay... I think I've never seen a Akira X Rin story before, and I guess for good reason...

I mean it was pretty obvious that it would be a girl from the way Akira used "they" all the time, and Lilly, being a language teacher, should probably have picked up on this long before as well.
I'm not really sure how you're going to try to justify that pairing, but it will take some convincing.

On the grammar side there are quite a few problems with tenses and punctuation. In particular there are a few places where you should have used full stops instead of commas. It gets better in the second half where there is more dialogue.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Hanako Fancopter
Posts: 148
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 6:27 pm

Re: Velvet sleeves (First real fic)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Oct 29, 2018 3:52 pm

Ayyyy it's this story. It's short but I like what we have of it so far. Good meme to introduce your pairing. If you actually flesh it out then you're a champion, with extra double bonus points if you actually give us a Rin x Akira H scene.

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