Home (Complete)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Lap
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Home (Complete)

Post by Lap » Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:26 pm

So, I finally finished Home, my long work that An Unexpected Visitor was excerpted from.

It clocks in at close to 60,000 words, so...fair warning. :D

It's on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15614 ... s/36254490


EDIT: Added an illustration.
Image

It's a story about Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing a room with their friend Lilly. Life Happens...
Last edited by Lap on Mon Aug 27, 2018 10:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Current KS Stories:
Avenues of Communication Shizune suffers an accident. (WIP)
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival : Hanako's first days at Yamaku. (WIP)
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).

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Imperial_Sheep
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Location: Somewhere out bush

Re: Home (Complete)

Post by Imperial_Sheep » Tue Aug 21, 2018 2:01 am

That was..... an adventure. :D

One small issue, you mentioned Shizune being able to track the two of them from the noise they were making doesn't fully make sense in my mind, since she is deaf. Might just have been my brain failing to understand the sentence.

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Lap
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Re: Home (Complete)

Post by Lap » Tue Aug 21, 2018 6:06 am

Well...I hope it was at least an enjoyable adventure!

As for Lilly's comment, she was just making a joke at her cousin's expense—saying that they were so loud that a deaf person could have heard them.
Current KS Stories:
Avenues of Communication Shizune suffers an accident. (WIP)
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival : Hanako's first days at Yamaku. (WIP)
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).

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Imperial_Sheep
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 10:19 pm
Location: Somewhere out bush

Re: Home (Complete)

Post by Imperial_Sheep » Tue Aug 21, 2018 9:16 pm

Lap wrote:
Tue Aug 21, 2018 6:06 am
Well...I hope it was at least an enjoyable adventure!
It was. I loved reading the story.

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NoticeMeOppai
Posts: 37
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 12:11 pm

Re: Home (Complete)

Post by NoticeMeOppai » Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:26 pm

I really enjoyed this, one of very few poly fics that actually comes across as being a believable situation. I particularly enjoyed the little asides as you fade to black a few times there.

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Lap
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Re: Home (Complete)

Post by Lap » Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:27 pm

NoticeMeOppai wrote:
Tue Nov 20, 2018 1:26 pm
I really enjoyed this, one of very few poly fics that actually comes across as being a believable situation. I particularly enjoyed the little asides as you fade to black a few times there.
Thanks! :D Some vague semblance of reality in a poly relationship was one of my main objectives, so I'm glad to know it worked for you.
Current KS Stories:
Avenues of Communication Shizune suffers an accident. (WIP)
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival : Hanako's first days at Yamaku. (WIP)
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).

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Oddball
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Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:05 pm

Re: Home (Complete)

Post by Oddball » Sat Feb 09, 2019 12:00 am

Ehh... I have mixed feeling towards this one. I'm generally against the whole Lilly/Hanako/Hisao in a three way relationship thing so I might be a bad judge of this. I just don't think it ever actually works.

The story itself was for the most part nicely light hearted and fluffy and made for an entertaining read, but the light hearted aspects meant the more serious subject matter of their relationship not seem to fit as well.

I'm also going to say that perhaps everybody was a bit too happy and light hearted. I just tend to think of Hanako and Hisao being a lot more cynical and in Hisao's case even inwardly snarky and none of their worse aspects really seem to come into play here.

Rin's part of the story was interesting. She just came out of nowhere and left just as quickly. I suppose that's suitable for Rin but I'm left wondering why she was there. She also seemed off, even more spacey than she usually comes across as.

Mrs. Matsumoto's apperance was by far the best part of the story, and also the part where Hanako most felt like her old not-entirly-perfect self. It was rather heartwarming to see her reunited with somebody she knew long ago and to get pictures of her family again.

Lilly's idea for the swimsuits and how it was a well thought out but not entirely perfect idea made for some interesting bits. Hanako having lopsided breasts was a nice realistic and somewhat awkward detail even if it doesn't quite seem to match canon. Having Lilly feel her up was rather forced though.

Then we arrive at Ogata... a lot of time was spent on this character considering his story was over right from the very first chapter and nothing more ever came from it. It seemed an odd choice, not unrealistic though and him coming across as a nice guy at first but being pretty scummy did make for a interesting character what little we saw of him.

Still, despite the flaws of the story, it was rather cute and entertaining.
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