Ekephrasis/ American Spirit 01/08/2019

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Re: Ekephrasis/ American Spirit 01/08/2019

Post by Feurox » Sun Jan 20, 2019 7:56 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:50 am
This one contains some mature themes, but after a discussion with some of the other writers on this forum [] I think a specific warning may be unnecessary.
I have to agree, because even after rereading that almost-H-scene a few times, I have no idea what is supposed to have happened while she... blacked out? Considering Takashi seems to have left before anything worthy of censorship happened, I'm not even sure what the warning should be about...
I'll admit to being a bit more cautious here than perhaps necessary. As PKMNThiefChris mentioned, I was trying to imply sexual domestic abuse triggering an episode. Evidently I failed in my attempt to be simultaneously subtle and understandable. Either way I played it a bit safe with the warning, as I think is probably the right approach.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:50 am

Also you still have a tendency to use passive participles when gerund would be needed instead (leant instead of leaning, sat instead of sitting etc.).

"I'm leaning against the wall" means just that.
"I'm leant against the wall" means somebody picked me up, carried me to the wall and leant me against it.

Even if the intended meaning is obvious in most cases it's kind of jarring to read something like that :lol:

I got really confused by this - It isn't something I was familiar with. I suppose it's just never sounded wrong to say leant or sat, but again, something I'll have to keep an eye out for. I am surprised you found it jarring though, I hadn't even noticed it myself! :lol: Thanks anyway, I'll keep an eye out for it in future.

Thank you for all the feedback everyone!

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