Yet another one-shot thread

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Scroff
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:26 am

Thanks for the kind words! This was an odd one for me because I was listening to King Crimson's Three of a perfect pair and all of a sudden an idea for a fic came into my head. But the more I read into the lyrics and the different interpretations, the less interesting the OT3 aspect became. Hence the Nurse's role in making perfect pairs, and the problems in Miki's parents' marriage among other things.

Anyway, new WoW expansion launches tonight! Main to level and gear, profession alts, pvp alts, guildies to run through dungeons... All the usual fun, so I'll be MIA for a while :lol:

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calcifer
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by calcifer » Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:02 pm

"That excruciating homeroom lecture from Mutou!" She does her best to impersonate his voice. "'When you have, umm, relations with someone the law of transitivity means you are having relations with everyone they have had relations with, so use a prophylactic.' I was so confused."
Besides, her phantom pains have taught her that cutting something out of your life does not stop it hurting.
Definitely the best bits!

But... this story did not work for me, at all, on so many levels. The whole ménage à trois thing is so utterly off-putting to me, it would be a deal breaker on its own. But even if it wasn't, the idea of not only your SO still hanging out with their ex, but you being ok - to the point of being snuggly - with said ex is entirely unrealistic and it completely broke my immersion. I know both Miki and Suzu say how they are unique snowflakes that defy definition and Hisao should stop trying to label them but, come on... Oh well, it would have been weirder if I did like all your stories :)

Finally, any depiction of Suzu that doesn't conform to the One True Sacred Tome™ is by definition out of character, and therefore wrong :)
Shizune = Rin > Emi > Hanako > Lilly
FluffandCrunch wrote: Every day is a gift, every hour is golden, every minute is a diamond. Life is wonderful, if you have the courage to live it.

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Imperial_Sheep
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Imperial_Sheep » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:32 pm

I've found the short stories quite enjoyable to read, even if they don't fit the same character perceptions people have. It's nice to have some unique spins on well trodden character archetypes. My only issue is that while each story is meant to be a one-shot, the later ones focusing on Miki/Hiaso all started to feel connected, but at the same time separated. Might have been my binge reading.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Aug 22, 2018 5:16 am

But... this story did not work for me, at all, on so many levels.
That. I also agree with most of the other stuff calcifer wrote, and let me add that the point that ripped me out of immersion completely was when Miki started to blurt out her complete family history out of the blue without any build-up at all.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Oddball
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Oddball » Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:44 pm

The interaction between Miki and Rin was just gold.

The Naomi and Natsume stuff... it felt off. The two of them talked like they were the same person with the same ideas and personality. Likewise, while I can see how they might feel the need to have an intervention with Hisao, they really seemed forcefull and lacking in tact at the beginning only to quickly switch up to perhaps too understanding. It was also somewhat strange to have them open up to Hisao so easily when apparently a lot of the things they talked about here they hadn't even shared with each other.

The characterization in the Miki/Hisao story was really good, but the narration felt like it was explaining things it didn't need to.

All in all, I think you handle short light stuff a lot better than you handle the longer serious works.
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Scroff
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From the archives

Post by Scroff » Sun Oct 07, 2018 2:54 pm

"I thought I'd find you here Nat," Naomi says as she walks into the newspaper club's room. "What are you up to, apart from avoiding me?''

"Just tidying up, making sure I've got copies of everything before I leave."

"Looks like you're wandering down memory lane," she replies, gesturing at the files and pictures scattered on the coffee table. She sits opposite Natsume and picks up a photograph of Miki and Hisao in running kit with Suzu, asleep, supported between them. "That's a story waiting to be told!"

"Looks like a normal day at Yamaku to me. Poor Suzu, I don't know how she's going to make her way in the world.'"

"When Miki and Hisao got together she was very put out. Whenever she saw them together she'd look daggers at them. Of course they didn't notice, I've never seen a couple so wrapped up in each other. I couldn't tell if Suzu was angry with one of them in particular or if it was being ignored that was annoying her, she was used to having most of Miki's attention."

"How do you notice these things?"

"I don't have my head in the clouds making grand plans, unlike you! Then one Monday morning the three of them came into class together, all smiles. The daggers were gone, Hisao and Miki stopped being quite so antisocial, and Suzu blossomed."

"Oh yes, I remember being surprised when she suddenly started participating in class. What do your keen journalistic instincts tell you happened?"

Naomi flashes a cheeky grin, "I'd like to say they have a menage a trois going on but I'm pretty sure Hisao's too conventional for anything like that. Don't get me wrong, I like him and he's always so kind and friendly, but I could never work out what a firecracker like Miki sees in him. I suppose he must be very well endowed.''

"Naomi, you're awful!" She passes a clipping over the table. "Hana's first proper article. I'm really glad she came out of her shell and joined us, she's brought so much to the club. Lilly leaving might turn out to be the best thing that happened to her since she came to Yamaku."

"She was really proud of tracking down the book thief on her own! No-one ever suspected that she was our ace in the hole. They're so used to ignoring her, she's able to blend into the background. The best undercover reporter the club's ever had."

Natsume sighs as she pulls out their article on Japanese schoolgirls and compensated dating. "Our best work, unpublished. The only regret I'll have when I leave here is that we never got to the bottom of what was going on with Ikuno and the Principal. Maybe I shouldn't have been so cautious about investigating them but I was worried about crossing such an influential man. I should spend less time worrying about risks and more time thinking about rewards."

"Yeah I'll regret that too, but I can think of something I might regret more," Naomi says, giving her a pointed look.

"This was probably the worst idea you ever had!" Natsume flicks a disdainful finger at the trial issue of an advice column.

"Hey, there was nothing wrong with the concept. Highschoolers have lots of problems, we'd have got an endless supply of easy content. It was you who decided that Misha should be our agony aunt."

"Well I sure as hell wasn't going to do it and I don't remember you rushing to volunteer."

"Of course not, I can't even sort out my own relationship." She sits forwards and takes one of Natsume's hands. "Nat, I'm going to try this one last time. No deflections, no evasions, give me straight answers. We graduate tomorrow but every time I've asked you what you're planning to do next, you change the subject. As it stands we're heading in different directions. Is this really how you want us to end? After being so close for so long?"

Natsume is silent for an uncomfortably long time. "A clean break is best. We're moving into adulthood so it's natural to leave things behind, even things you treasure. I'll never forget you Naomi, the best times I've ever had have been with you, working together in this room."

"That makes no sense, who is it best for? It's not what's best for me! I see no reason why we shouldn't move on together. You're the best friend I've ever had, I know you don't have anyone you're closer to than me. And what about the night we spent together? It really hurt to wake up and find that you'd sneaked off and to make things worse you pretended that nothing had happened. What was that about? I could tell you were into it just as much as I was. I'm more than willing to be your girlfriend and society can go screw itself for all I care. Or is that the problem? You want to fit in and having me around would make it difficult for you?"

"No! You know that I'm not one to care much about what others think of me. Besides this is Japan, observing the proprieties in public is what counts not what happens in private."

"So what is the problem? Why do you keep pulling away from me?" Naomi raises her voice in hurt and frustration. "You know how I feel about you, and I know how you feel about me!"

Natsume locks eyes with Naomi, regret and longing written all over her face. "I can't let you throw your life away on a cripple."

Naomi stands up angrily. "Well Ms Ooe, I think that's all that needs to be said."

"Naomi?"

"It is gracious of Ms Ooe to call this one by her given name. This one is not sure what she has done to deserve such an honour."

"Naomi, stop it!"

"Only if you stop treating me like a child and let me make my own decisions! Yeah, your arthritis might cripple you but it's a risk I want to take because it means I get to be with you." She slumps onto the couch next to Natsume, the anger draining out of her. "If you didn't have feelings for me I could accept that we'd just be friends, I'd be happy with that. But it's crazy to me that you won't let us be together in a misguided attempt to protect me. 'Specially as you're the one who'd be taking the bigger chance."

"What do you mean?"

"I could die during a fit or injure myself badly enough to be a vegetable the rest of my life. Any number of things could happen but I'm prepared to treat you like an adult and let you decide if I'm worth taking a risk on.

"Of course you're worth it, I'm the one wh-"

"Then shut up and kiss me you stupid girl!"

"I-it's about time you two s-stopped dancing around each other and g-got together properly!"

They look around in surprise and see Hanako smiling at them as she walks to the door.

"Dammit Hana, how many times have I told you not to sneak up on me?!"

"W-what did you think the best undercover r-reporter the club's ever had would be doing when something as important as t-this is happening"' she smirks as she leaves the clubroom.

"I think I liked her better when she was shy."

"Don't be mean Nat! We haven't got time to be distracted, we've got to figure out where we're going to study after graduation, what we're going to study! I read that Waseda University has a fantastic investigative reporting cour-"

Deciding that it was about time she did what she had been told, Natsume wraps her arms around Naomi and starts kissing her. When she feels Naomi relax she pauses and whispers, "we'll worry about that tomorrow, I've got other plans for tonight..."

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Scroff
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Sun Oct 07, 2018 3:08 pm

The new WoW expansion's first raid tier is on farm, important alts have been levelled and I'm slowly working on a long-form story taking ideas from Walking together and Three of a perfect pair as its basis. I'm not going to post any of that until it's finished and work is hectic so it's not's going very fast. However! It's set a number of years after graduation and refers back to events when they were at school, so it seems to me to be a good idea to actually write those scenes and give this thread an occasional update when one's done. This is the first and it's been an enjoyable thing for me to do when I finish a chapter in the main story and am recharging my batteries.

Long story short: it's nice to post again, I'll be putting up little scenes like this from time to time, but most of my effort is going into surviving work and writing a longer story!

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sun Oct 07, 2018 3:14 pm

ayyyy newspaper club friends--with benefits! Gets my stamp of approval.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Sun Oct 07, 2018 11:44 pm

This was an interesting one and I hesitate to ask but... are you going to run with the OT3 thing or is it going to be a couple and a best friend?

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Scroff
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Mon Oct 08, 2018 3:12 am

Thanks! It's going to be a loooooong time before it sees the light of day, but you find out in the first couple of paragraphs of the first page that tragedy has struck and two of the three are struggling to redefine their lives.

That doesn't mean that it's all going to be grim and heavy! As Odball pointed out the light, happy stuff comes more naturally to me. But I've never been satisfied with just doing what comes easily, I've always found it much more rewarding to try and improve the things I'm not good at. So I'm planning on light and shade, excitement and boredom - the full spectrum as far as I am able.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Oct 08, 2018 5:40 am

Scroff wrote:
Sun Oct 07, 2018 3:08 pm
The new WoW expansion's first raid tier is on farm, important alts have been levelled ...
Got three levelled so far, but currently my home internet is experiencing sporadic disconnects - which puts a damper on instances in general. So I'm currently catching up on some offline games like Pillars II.

As for the story - I'm beginning to see a theme here... but if they are graduating "tomorrow" it might be a BIT too late to make plans for university...

Also that bit about "oh you can't be with a cripple like me" would fit for some people but certainly not for Natsume.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Oct 08, 2018 1:10 pm

Scroff wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 3:12 am
Thanks! It's going to be a loooooong time before it sees the light of day, but you find out in the first couple of paragraphs of the first page that tragedy has struck and two of the three are struggling to redefine their lives.

That doesn't mean that it's all going to be grim and heavy! As Odball pointed out the light, happy stuff comes more naturally to me. But I've never been satisfied with just doing what comes easily, I've always found it much more rewarding to try and improve the things I'm not good at. So I'm planning on light and shade, excitement and boredom - the full spectrum as far as I am able.
If you kill Hana chan I swear dude I will never forgive you lol

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Scroff
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Tue Oct 09, 2018 3:30 am

Commiserations on the disconnent problems, must be extremely frustrating!
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 5:40 am
Also that bit about "oh you can't be with a cripple like me" would fit for some people but certainly not for Natsume.
I'm hesitant to contradict one of the game's translators, I can only imagine how deeply you had to get into the text of the VN to be able to translate it well. I have visions of you cursing the day one or other of the devs was born as you try to find a way to render some ludicrous English idiom in German! But unless I missed something (more than likely...) we learn nothing about Natsume's personality from the VN. We're told that Naomi is a bit loud, a bit tiring, but friendly and helpful so I try to use that.

There are some compelling characterisations of Natsume in fanfics, brythain's being a personal favourite, but who knows if this Natsume has anything in common with those Natsumes? A short piece like this doesn't provide an answer. Is her statement, "I can't let you throw your life away on a cripple," the truth, something she believes, or a convenient lie? Why does she shut Naomi up when she's trying to make plans for the future? Is it (as you point out) related to the difficulty of making or changing university applications at such a late date?

I know the answer to such questions based on how I see this Natsume, but I have a tendency to leave too many things implied because they seem obvious - but they're only obvious to me because I've worked out the context, and that doesn't get included. I'd like to blame it on writing short pieces and feeling like I don't have space to make things more obvious, but in reality it's just me being bad.
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 1:10 pm
If you kill Hana chan I swear dude I will never forgive you lol
What could possibly kill off the best undercover reporter that Yamaku's newspaper club ever had???

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Oct 09, 2018 12:06 pm

First of all being a translator does not give me any authority on any characters whatsoever.
Second I like translating idioms most of all, since they are a challenge most of the time.

That said I probably was a bit unspecific about what I meant in my previous post.

We indeed don't get much information about her character in the VN and what other Fanfics say is indeed not binding.

What we do know about her is her condition - which is one that she probably has been living with for some time, so she (also probably) has been going to Yamaku for quite some time.
We also see the attitude that most characters in the VN have towards their disabilities, which is having learned to accept them for all characters except Hanako.
Now you posit that your Natsume has some deep-rooted psychological problems that she does not in other stories. Problems so well hidden that Naomi who is supposed to have been in love with her for a long time has not even guessed at. In that case it feels rather cheap to bring up AND resolve this problem within just ten lines of dialogue - at the end of a story that was mostly about someone else anyway.
One of the jobs of an author is to show the reader who the characters in the story are - and it is really hard to do deep character studies in a one shot...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Tue Oct 09, 2018 12:37 pm

I kind of read it as Natsume saying she's not good enough, basically "you deserve better," in the way that she knew to say it.

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