Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-10-16)

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Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-06-25)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:51 pm

It's not stated that Misha offed herself is it? It doesn't seem clear that Hisao and Shizune are getting back together, either, just that they're seeing each other again. The story as a whole is pretty open ended. Quite different from the funnier ones with Miki in them, and definitely on the depressing side, yes. But you left room for some hope! After all, Shizune might get Hisao to lose some of that weight!
An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako Route)
Riposte (Rika Mini-Route)
One-Shots Thread (Random Smut/Meme Stories)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-06-25)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:28 am

It doesn't seem clear that Hisao and Shizune are getting back together, either, just that they're seeing each other again.
It's not outright spelled out, but walking hand in hand is quite a big indication. :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
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Lap
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-06-25)

Post by Lap » Tue Jul 09, 2019 8:44 am

Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Mon Jul 08, 2019 5:51 pm
It's not stated that Misha offed herself is it?
Never stated explicitly, no; Scroff is a subtler and better writer than that. But lines like
"Silly Hicchan~, you shouldn't be wishing your life away."

"Isn't that what you did? Rather successfully if I may say so."

" 'Where's there's life, there's hope.' Just because I had neither, doesn't mean you get to slack off~!"
seem rather indicative...
Avenues of Communication: Shizune suffers an accident.
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival: Hanako's first days at Yamaku. (On Hiatus)
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).
One-shots

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Scroff
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Thoroughly modern pirates

Post by Scroff » Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:23 am

The following post was written in response to Stiles Long's writing challenge. Each participant was given a list of KS character pairings and a list of locations. One of each was chosen for this fic, where we find out what happens when Hisao drags Emi into the library.

***

"Omigosh Hisao, I'm not that far behind, you don't have to frog-march me in here! Besides, what use does a pirate have for science?"

"I don't think there's many openings for pirates right now and even if there are, you'll need to be up on 21st century pirating techniques. It's not all cutlasses and wooden legs these days."

"And just what would you know about pirates, mister? It's not like you're president of the Advances in Pirating club!"

Hisao waves dismissively. "It stands to reason they've updated their ways to compete in the modern world."

"Shame," she sighs. "I'm more cut out for traditional swashbuckling."

"You can buckle my swash any day!"

"Cheeky!" She slaps him playfully on the arm. "You do know I'm kidding about the whole pirate thing?"

"Well I certainly hope you are..." He draws her into an affectionate hug which she returns with a happy sigh as she buries her face into his chest.

"No canoodling in the library you two! Umm I m-mean you shouldn't be disturbing the other students with your... you know..."

"Sorry Yuuko," they chorus, ending the hug but holding hands as they make their way to a cubicle set up for group work.

"You don't have to torture me with revision. This booth is pretty secluded, if we're quiet I bet we could get away wi-"

Chuckling, he places a finger on her lips and does his best to ignore the puppy-dog eyes. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to distract me like that anymore?"

"Don't you enjoy my distraction techniques?" she pouts.

Blushing, he replies, "well yeah, but there's a time and place for everything."

"You're a hard taskmaster Hisao!" She pushes him onto a chair and hops on his lap, squirming suggestively. "Talking about being hard...

"Could you not do that in public?! Tell you what, give me two hours of study then we can distract each other to our hearts' content."

"Ninety minutes and not a second longer!"

"Heh, I would've settled for sixty." He puts his finger on her lips again. "Nuh-uh, no takesy-backsies! Time will fly when you get into it, this stuff is really interesting."

Rolling her eyes, she takes a seat next to Hisao and drags her books from her backpack. "Nerd."

***

Emi sighs in relief when the alarm on Hisao's phone brings their session to an end.

"See, it wasn't so bad. I think you even had fun once you got the hang of it."

"I admit it wasn't too awful, though I don't get why you're going all out on this. What happened to living in the moment?"

"Do you remember I said we'll go on living until we stop?" When she nods he continues, "I realised the other day that one of us is going to be left behind with memories of the time we had together."

"Hisao, I swear I'll kill you if you up and die! You promised to stay with me."

"I'm doing my best to make sure I stick around as long as I can. If we want to have memories of happy times, not just of struggling to live hand-to-mouth, we need to find decent jobs. And the first step to that is performing well in our exams."

"I dunno Hisao, mom said some of the best times she had with dad were in the early days before things got too settled."

"That's good to hear." He hesitates. "But memories aren't the only thing which could be left behind..."

"Huh?"

"I know it's far too soon to be talking about this stuff but I can't help thinking about it."

"Talk about what? Give me a clue here, Hisao."

"History repeating itself." Seeing the puzzled look on her face he says, "your history."

Emi blushes as she realises what he means. "Yes, it's much too soon to be thinking about what could happen to little Rin."

"Or little Akio. Or both."

"Not little Kenji?" She laughs when she sees him shudder. "OK, not Kenji."

"I know it's presumptuous of me to think you'd want to-"

Emi stops him with a kiss. "I love you too. And that does mean a family somewhere down the line. Far down the line," she giggles as he wraps her in a fierce hug.

"Hearing you say that makes me happy and scared all at the same time." He draws back a little and looks at her uneasily. "Is it selfish of me to want littl'uns when I know my time could be cut short?"

"Damn you Hisao, you're making me worry about the future too!"

"Sorry."

"Just let me think for a bit."

He leans out of the hug and takes her hand, trying to quiet his nerves by stroking it gently. As he watches, a range of emotions play on Emi's face until a look of determination emerges.

"Done thinking?"

Emi nods decisively. " 'These things happen.' Remember? I'm done with letting what might happen hold me back from living my life." Seeing his relieved expression she holds up a finger sternly. "That doesn't give you free rein to die on me, mister! And don't think I'm gonna let you repeat your history."

"Eh?"

"How much time do you spend with your parents?"

"Ah, yeah. Work-life balance will be particularly important for us."

"Right? Come on, I'm getting hungry."

They pack their books away and head out of the library, hand in hand, ignoring Yuuko's disapproving stare.

"So, Hisao."

"Hmm?"

"I need to make sure you're up to the job of becoming a father."

"You said it's much too soo-"

"It's never too soon to practice!" Laughing, she drags a not-so-reluctant Hisao in the direction of the girls' dorm.

"You'll be the death of me, Emi Ibarazaki!"

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Feurox
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-08-12)

Post by Feurox » Mon Aug 12, 2019 5:48 am

Simply wonderful Scroff, how you continue to churn out such brilliant posts will never cease to amaze me! Both characters feel deeply - uh - in character, and the whole story has an adorable and fluid style :D There’s not any conflict, so it really is just a quaint and humours little slice of life.

The inclusion of “Little Rin” and “Little Kenji” really made me laugh, so did Hisaos cryptic way of bringing up the topic. Got to say, he’s a braver man than I - and I’ve been at this longer then he has :lol:

Incredible work Scroff, truly.

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brythain
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-08-12)

Post by brythain » Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:42 pm

Aha, that was FUN. The Emi pirate trope is canon, but you've run away with it into utter hilarity.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

Fowlor
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-08-12)

Post by Fowlor » Mon Aug 12, 2019 9:03 pm

Finding this here was a pleasant surprise!

You kept it really engaging while keeping it a light and mildly humorous piece. I definitely laughed at the "Little Kenji" shudder.
Just finished the rest of this thread a little under a week ago and really enjoyed your work. You do a really good job at characterization consistency, the established characters feel true to themselves, and you make the "promoted background" characters feel like people.
I'm usually not much for OT3, but I enjoyed the Walking Together pieces so much that you've got me wondering if I might just not be a fan of poorly written OT3.

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Scroff
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-08-12)

Post by Scroff » Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:23 pm

Thank-you all for the lovely comments, it's such a fillip to read them.

I didn't intend Quercus mongolica to be depressing per se, yes there's pain but by the end the only thing to actually lose out is the tree and it might be happy to not have Misha wahahaha~ing incessantly!

And of course ...pirates is joyfully, unashamedly sweet, with just a hint of a theme I've been developing elsewhere of Hisao's feelings of mortality. I enjoyed writing that entirely too much :D

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Longing, Love, lust

Post by Scroff » Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:37 pm

"Checkm-mate."

"Dammit!" He slaps the table in frustration then frowns when he sees her flinch. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"I-its ok. What's wrong? I don't usually b-beat you so easily."

"I'm just distracted." He stands up and starts to pace. "Where is she? Class rep business can't take this long."

Shrugging, Hanako packs the chess pieces away and puts the set on the shelf. "I need to g-go to the Newspaper Club."

"Now I'm chasing you out of your own room. I'll have no friends left if I keep this up."

She shakes her head. "We a-always meet for a couple of hours on Wednesdays. I h-hope Naomi's in a good mood, she's can be a real terror i-if we're behind schedule. Stay here till she's back?"

"Aren't you scared I'll turn out your drawers and find all your secrets?"

"W-what secrets?" she giggles. "You're a good person Hisao, you w-wouldn't do anything like that."

"I'm glad someone thinks so. Thanks, I'll take you up on your offer." He sits on the floor and leans against her bed, arms around his knees and head slumped, too preoccupied to see Hanako's worried glance as she hurries out.

***

The sound of Lilly's door breaks him out of his reverie and he jumps up, almost stumbling in his haste to catch her before she locks herself away.

"Hi Lilly."

"Hisao? Is Hanako here too? I thought she had a meeting now."

"She went to the Newspaper Club but was kind enough to let me wait in her room."

She laughs, "what secrets did you discover in her desk?"

"Instead of violating my friend's trust, I spent my time wondering where you'd disappeared to."

"Oh, you're in one of those moods. I hope I don't need to say I was joking?"

"Some things aren't funny."

Sighing, she steps into her room and turns to face him, blocking the doorway. "It's been a trying day so if you don't mind I'd like to-"

"Yes, I do mind. I won't keep you long." He hesitates before adding softly, "please?"

Lilly moves aside. "Very well." She makes her way to her bed and sits down, tucking her legs under her. "What is so urgent that it can't wait til morning?"

"I've hardly seen you today. I hardly see you any day."

"As I said at lunch, it's a busy time for class reps, many of my classmates have questions and worries for me to deal with. I can't turn them away."

"You weren't in your classroom when I stopped by earlier."

"Are you checking up on me Hisao?"

"No. Yes. I don't know, I just needed to find you."

"Reo wanted to speak to me in private about the difficulties he and... Well I really shouldn't disclose private matters. The point is I wasn't doing anything untoward, you should trust m-"

"How can I trust you?" he blurts out.

"Excuse me? I'm not a liar!"

"Aren't you? When exactly were you going to tell me about your family's summons? What would've happened if Akira hadn't tipped me off?"

"You weren't open with me either."

"Well no, but it would have come with time. I didn't know the clock was ticking quite so fast."

"We can sit here blaming each other all night but as I told you, it's been a tiring day. I'd rather we talked about this tomorrow when we are rested and more rational."

"I'm almost done. The longing I felt when you were in Scotland, when I spoke to you on the phone, tricked me into believing I loved you. It's taken me far too long to realise it was just lust, an unhealthy adolescent obsession. I don't think I'd ever have come to my senses If I trusted you. I get crazy when we're apart, imagining who you're with, what you're doing. I hate it, it's not me. Well, it's not the me I want to be. I can't do this anymore. Even now, the urge to bury myself in you and forget everything for a while is overwhelming, though I know it's only a short term solution. I've started feeling dirty after sleeping with you."

"So rejecting my family for you means nothing?"

"I'm sorry." He looks down at her, reaches out as if to caress her cheek before dropping his hand. "The guilt I feel for making you stay is what's kept me quiet so long. We tried but it didn't work. I'm sorry," he repeats. "I was so happy when I woke in the hospital and saw you, but as time went by I couldn't stop thinking about how you knew you were leaving and kept it from me. What else are you hiding?"

"You've obviously made your mind up and won't believe I regret not telling you, that nothing's hidden now. Please leave Hisao, there's no more to say."

"You're so self-contained, so controlled. I have no idea how you feel about me, how this is affecting you."

"I asked you to leave!"

Sighing, he walks away, the quiet sound of her door closing sending a shock through his heart as he realises it means so much more than physical exclusion. Approaching the stairwell, he sees Hanako climbing the last few steps. "I'm glad you're back, I think Lilly needs a friend right now."

She frowns as she looks at his tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. "W-what about you? You don't look so g-good."

"Me?" He laughs bitterly. "Don't worry about me, I've got a hot date on the roof with a bottle of whiskey."

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brythain
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by brythain » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:01 pm

Scroff wrote:
Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:37 pm
"I've hardly seen you today. I hardly see you any day."
Lilly's obvious rejoinder shall remain unsaid. But there's a kind of out-of-character feel about this fic, although it is intense.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by NuclearStudent » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:34 pm

First of all, I love the concept. Stay brutal, Scroff.
"Aren't you? When exactly were you going to tell me about your family's summons? What would've happened if Akira hadn't tipped me off?"
Lilly is formal enough to refer to the incident as “her family’s summons.”

Why would Hisao be?
"I'm almost done. The longing I felt when you were in Scotland, when I spoke to you on the phone, tricked me into believing I loved you. It's taken me far too long to realise it was just lust, an unhealthy adolescent obsession. I don't think I'd ever have come to my senses If I trusted you. I get crazy when we're apart, imagining who you're with, what you're doing. I hate it, it's not me. Well, it's not the me I want to be. I can't do this anymore. Even now, the urge to bury myself in you and forget everything for a while is overwhelming, though I know it's only a short term solution. I've started feeling dirty after sleeping with you."
Mileage may vary, but I feel like this climax is a big clunkfest foisted onto the reader without sufficient buildup.
"I'm sorry." He looks down at her, reaches out as if to caress her cheek before dropping his hand. "The guilt I feel for making you stay is what's kept me quiet so long. We tried but it didn't work. I'm sorry," he repeats. "I was so happy when I woke in the hospital and saw you, but as time went by I couldn't stop thinking about how you knew you were leaving and kept it from me. What else are you hiding?"
"You've obviously made your mind up and won't believe I regret not telling you, that nothing's hidden now. Please leave Hisao, there's no more to say."
Honestly I think this dialogue is just bad and awkward. Like it came from a text-to-speech generator struggling to parse English. I understand. It’s very easy to escalate a story too quickly and leave the drama hanging dry. As Bry mentioned, this fic has an out-of-character feel that keeps us from being drawn into the premise.
"Me?" He laughs bitterly. "Don't worry about me, I've got a hot date on the roof with a bottle of whiskey."

This is a fun line to end on. Stay brutal, Scroff.

I read the fic and wrote this whole response in about three minutes, so I'll probably review it again at some point.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Sep 07, 2019 7:13 pm

Mileage may vary, but I feel like this climax is a big clunkfest foisted onto the reader without sufficient buildup.
"The guilt I feel for making you stay is what's kept me quiet so long. We tried but it didn't work. I'm sorry,"
I think it is obvious from the story that there was a lot of build-up, and we, the readers, are only privy to the climax.

Very nice story! I can certainly see the relationship taking that direction after the end of the VN.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by NuclearStudent » Sun Sep 08, 2019 4:28 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sat Sep 07, 2019 7:13 pm
Mileage may vary, but I feel like this climax is a big clunkfest foisted onto the reader without sufficient buildup.
"The guilt I feel for making you stay is what's kept me quiet so long. We tried but it didn't work. I'm sorry,"
I think it is obvious from the story that there was a lot of build-up, and we, the readers, are only privy to the climax.

Very nice story! I can certainly see the relationship taking that direction after the end of the VN.
It remains true that we have not read any of that buildup.

We have the context of the VN, and we understand how this might have happened. But within the confines of this story itself, I'd argue that we did not have enough foreplay before the climax we were to experience.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by Feurox » Mon Sep 09, 2019 10:46 am

God this one is heart-breaking. I can very much see it happening in the timeline of events too, with Lilly diving into her work to avoid confronting the issues of their relationship! Rough!

I also don't think any set-up was required. Part of the fun is recognising what went wrong, how we got here.

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Re: Yet another one-shot thread (updated 2019-09-06)

Post by brythain » Mon Sep 09, 2019 10:53 am

I've done a lot of short fics with incomplete build-up, but I think it's good practice to leave some clues if the set-up presented seems out of character. Lilly's never been the sort to dive into work at all; she seems better at getting other people to do the work. Hisao at this point should be aware enough to not do anything to startle Hanako. The only reason I can think of that he's such a dick in this one is that he's been drinking way too much. Hence the punchline is also the raison d'être for this situation. It may not be a bug, but a feature. :wink:
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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