Yet another one-shot thread

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
Scroff
Posts: 66
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:17 pm

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:23 am

Thanks for the lovely words, glad you liked it! I get a lot of pleasure from writing but it's good to know that it can provide some enjoyment to others too.
Feurox wrote:
Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:07 pm
the idea of Suzu as a sort of prophetic dreamer is great!
Taking "randomly falls asleep at plot-convenient times" off the table made me think about other consequences of her narcolepsy that could be interesting and her being a dreamer seemed worth exploring, hence Suzu the sleepy shaman!

User avatar
Scroff
Posts: 66
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:17 pm

"Hang on..."

Post by Scroff » Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:19 pm

Hisao makes his way through the crowd, still unsure of the layout of the school grounds, the stalls and the people milling around them making navigation harder. He was not going to visit the festival but changed his mind when he found that the cafeteria was closed for the day. His belly is being ungrateful, forgetting past favours, and delicious smells are floating on the gentle breeze.

He grabs a selection of tasty, but decidedly not Nurse-approved, treats and finds a seat which is secluded but close enough to watch the festival goers. He has a nagging feeling that there is something odd about the scene in front of him. It is not the visible disabilities, he has seen enough of those in the last few days to accept them as part of his new reality. He is the only person who is alone, everyone else is part of a group or a pair, but that is how things were at his old school too. He finally sees what he is searching for: it is the groups' interactions he finds unusual.

He looks more carefully, checking for signs of the niggles and annoyances which, in his experience, lurk under the surface at events like this. Nothing! He leans forwards and concentrates on teasing out strands of conversation from the hubbub.

"Keep going, the bench is right there, we can sit down in a couple more steps."

"I'm sorry I didn't notice your new 'chair, I was blinded by your smile."

"Come on, you can do it! You always get a steady moment after a big shake, throw then!"

"Hold on tight, I'm gonna get us there in record time! We'll get some before they sell out."

"Hey, that was great! Remember last year? You couldn't even pick up a gun. You'll win a prize next year fo' sho'."

"So what if he doesn't want to watch the fireworks with you? There's plenty more fish in the sea."

Friends encouraging each other, giving and taking comfort without hesitation, everyone included. He understands: the academics, the twenty-four hour medical care, the well-connected careers service are not what this school is about. Such things are attractive to parents, customers who want tangible benefits for their money. Yamaku is about creating a place where cripples, discarded by Japanese society, can create their own community. Where they can find the unconditional acceptance that they should receive from their families, but seldom do. Where they can forge bonds which will help them through the rest of their lives.

Realising he needs time to think through this revelation, to consider how it applies to him, he starts to walk towards the dorm. He recognises a familiar face and nods to her in passing; he decides that he will make an effort to learn the names of his classmates.

"Hang on Hisao, don't leave. The best is yet to come."

He turns to look at her, returns her smile, and takes the hand she is holding out to him.

Hanako Fancopter
Posts: 178
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 6:27 pm

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:47 pm

d'awww, short and cute. Wonder who the mystery girl is? Maybe Emi (short and cute!)

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 5824
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:55 pm

Short and very to the point. I like it. Nice work!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Scroff
Posts: 66
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:17 pm

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:04 am

Thank-you both for the kind words! The idea for this popped into my head when listening to REM's "Everybody Hurts" and it kept bugging me till I wrote it.
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:47 pm
Wonder who the mystery girl is?
We can rule out Rin at least! In one sense she stands for Yamaku, promising Hisao a bright future if he turns his back on manly picnics and all that entails. In another she's a cute girl from his class who fancies a snuggle during the fireworks. Personally speaking, I prefer the latter :mrgreen:

User avatar
Feurox
Posts: 125
Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:03 pm
Location: England, Oxfordshire

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Feurox » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:03 am

Beautifully done Scroff. And over-the-shoulder watch from Hisao’s lonely festival. You mentioned R.E.M. with this, but it actually really reminds me of Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve- just crowds of people coming, going, living in front of a stagnant Hisao. You could have ended it there, but I’m glad you went for a more optimistic ending - Very well done.

User avatar
Razoredge
Posts: 81
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:31 pm
Location: Bordeaux, France

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Razoredge » Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:15 am

I never gave my feedback to your writings, it's a shame, I know.

But, yeah, I enjoyed every piece you dropped. Especially the last one. It was very well done. It's short but so cute.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route & Razor's One Shots & misc.

User avatar
Scroff
Posts: 66
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:17 pm

Re: Yet another one-shot thread

Post by Scroff » Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:52 am

Thanks to both of you for the encouragement. I really didn't expect that this piece would get such a positive reaction, being a mish-mash of how I see Yamaku, my reaction to what I've read about the education of kids with disabilities in Japan (e.g. https://doi.org/10.1515/cj-2016-0009), and my (perhaps overly) optimistic world-view.
Feurox wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 9:03 am
it actually really reminds me of Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
This is the most rewarding thing about putting my stories out there - different interpretations that make me think about them in different ways. Yeah, if you cut out the bit about learning classmates' names and change the final sentence to:
He turns to look at her, shakes his head, and continues on to his room.
then the whole piece would have a darker feel to it.

Post Reply