Crafty's One-Shots (Feb 2nd, 2020: Nudge to Nurture)

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brythain
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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Feb 2nd, 2020: Nudge to Nurture)

Post by brythain » Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:46 am

You're still with writing the mini-VNs in response to prompts, eh? I liked it, but I have ONE issue. I always click on the 'latest' button in the forums, and that, in your case, leads me to 4/4 rather than 1/4 in your usual 4-parters.

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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Feb 2nd, 2020: Nudge to Nurture)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:15 am

Hmm... This is a tough one...
One of the problems of stories written for a prompt is that you have to include the prompt somehow. (obviously)

In this case I think the story would have been perfect if it had ended after part 3 - not so much a fan of part 4 with angel mom and dad.

I seem to remember another story some time ago that would have been a lot better if the author had not been compelled to add a prompt scene at the end - and that one was also at the track I think :-)
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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Feb 2nd, 2020: Nudge to Nurture)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu Feb 06, 2020 6:45 pm

The thing that stood out to me most for this story was actually not the dream sequence or surprise supernatural aspect, but rather the fact that it includes a "fixed" version of Hanako's good ending. As in, a scene where Hisao and Hanako fall for each other in a semi sensible fashion instead of tossing away their virginities in a silly act of teenage stupidity. That was kind of cool to see. Definitely an enjoyable read.
An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako Route)
Riposte (Rika Mini-Route)
One-Shots Thread (Random Smut/Meme Stories)

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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Feb 2nd, 2020: Nudge to Nurture)

Post by Craftyatom » Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:44 pm

brythain wrote:
Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:46 am
You're still with writing the mini-VNs in response to prompts, eh?
As always. Luckily they've been more reasonable as of late, as opposed to the 20k monsters I occasionally produce.
brythain wrote:
Mon Feb 03, 2020 2:46 am
I liked it, but I have ONE issue. I always click on the 'latest' button in the forums, and that, in your case, leads me to 4/4 rather than 1/4 in your usual 4-parters.
I'm not even sure if the old graphical glitch that required segmentation of posts still exists, but I can't help myself. It's force of habit by this point. You'll just have to scroll up like the rest of us :P
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:15 am
In this case I think the story would have been perfect if it had ended after part 3 - not so much a fan of part 4 with angel mom and dad.

I seem to remember another story some time ago that would have been a lot better if the author had not been compelled to add a prompt scene at the end - and that one was also at the track I think :-)
I understand what you're getting at, but beg to differ. Someone did indeed have an "extraneous" scene at the end, which had value in the form of wrapping things up, but wasn't an important part of the story. In this case, however, the last part was the climax. I wrote the former parts with the intent that they would lead into the revelation at the end. Without it, they have a whole bunch of red herrings, and the reader would be left a bit confused.

Basically, remove the final scene, and the dreams become almost pointless. Remove the dreams, and the first two parts become almost pointless. Could the third scene have existed in a vacuum? Maybe. But, as I said, I have a strong preference for extensive exposition - the reader doesn't need to know everything as they read, but they should know everything by the end. Could I have reworked the entire story to use different plot points than the dreams? Absolutely. But this was the idea I had, and it seemed a lot more interesting, which helps keep it short, in my opinion: large conflict needs little introduction, small conflict needs to be dwelled upon.

But I can see why it might have seemed out of place. Says far less about their relationship than any of the previous parts. Hanako's reaction does play into her take on Hisao's weakness, and it helps give a sense of finality, but nowhere near the same style as the rest.
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Thu Feb 06, 2020 6:45 pm
The thing that stood out to me most for this story was actually not the dream sequence or surprise supernatural aspect, but rather the fact that it includes a "fixed" version of Hanako's good ending. As in, a scene where Hisao and Hanako fall for each other in a semi sensible fashion instead of tossing away their virginities in a silly act of teenage stupidity.
That was actually a big part of what I wanted out of this story. It seemed like a great opportunity to provide a different, albeit not perfect, take on the end of Hanako's route - there are aspects of the canon endings that I liked, but also many I didn't, so I felt like switching things up.

Though I will say, "tossing away their virginities in a silly act of teenage stupidity" is a totally viable plot point for plenty of stories - just not necessarily this one. (Though I know for a fact opinions vary on that!) Oh, and this story wasn't supernatural.

Thank you, everyone, for your feedback! I knew this one wouldn't be my best work, but I'm glad it at least piqued people's interests.
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Brief Exchanges, Dark Winter Sky, Dreamy, Project Blue Curtain, and more!)
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