Crafty's One-Shots (Oct 26th, 2019: Someone Part 2)

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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Oct 26th, 2019: Someone Part 2)

Post by Oddball » Mon Oct 28, 2019 11:57 pm

Very interesting set up.

The story itself had a very calm feeling to it almost to the point of being dreamy. I think skipping out exactly on what Emi saw was a good idea and keeping it vague even when it was mentioned really helped set the mood. Too much detail would have only served for shock value and disrupted the story.

Emi and Saki doesn't spend a lot of time together but their personalities did play well off each other. Shizune was an interesting touch to the duo as she provided yet a third strong but completely separate personality.

The only real criticism I have is the final few lines. I think having a speaking line for Emi asking where the bathroom is and having to even ask softens the last punch you're going for.
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Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Oct 26th, 2019: Someone Part 2)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:55 pm

And finally I'm again caught up with all that's been posted here.
I didn't plan to save the best for last but apparently that's how it turned out. And surprisingly it's not even becuase this one doesn't have any dreams :-)

Also, some punches are hard enough even after softening.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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