Crafty's One-Shots (Jun 6, 2018: Dreamy)

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Craftyatom
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Re: Dreamy

Post by Craftyatom » Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:47 pm

Eurobeatjester wrote:
Mon Jun 25, 2018 6:19 pm
One of the things I really loved in each of these was how you took subtle nuances from every girl's route or personality and cranked them up to eleven. It was fun to read how you interpreted the things you picked out - especially with Shizune and Rin and those are the two girls that are the most tedious to read about for me.
This was actually one of the most fun parts: thinking about how Hisao perceives each girl after his first week, and then finding bits of that perception that can be taken to the extreme. That concept is one of the reasons I originally decided to write this story, because it was so interesting to me.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:52 am
For later chapters the effect was not as great because I already knew what to expect, but that's unavoidable.
That's the main downside to this plot - you only get one big reveal out of the "dream" concept. I did work a little bit on making the second chapter feel a bit more real, so the reader might think the dream was just a prelude to a normal story, but it becomes pretty obvious what's going on partway through. On the plus side, the lack of "realism" limitations really opened up the opportunity for other plot points, so even though the reader knows what's happening, they can still be surprised, which I think worked quite well.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:52 am
Now there is only one question left to answer: Why is Emi the only one who is a psychopathic murderer? :lol:
Let me tell you, there were originally plans for much more psychopathy and murder. My first idea for the Hanako chapter involved her (technically) murdering Hisao. I considered reworking Misha's chapter to include a rather grotesque ending. Even Lilly's chapter had murder as a consideration. I ended up throwing those plans out for two reasons: first, I didn't want this story to turn into a bland melancholic gore-fest, and second, most of those ideas didn't really seem to fit their respective characters. The reason Emi still fit was due to Hisao's connection between her and his heart problems, due to him "speeding up" (and colliding with her in the hallway). She has the strongest link to his mortality within the first week, which made hers the best death chapter. In terms of "psychopathic", that's just the logical combination of her (perceived) incessant happiness and her (perceived) connection with death! :D
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NoticeMeOppai
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Re: Dreamy

Post by NoticeMeOppai » Mon Nov 05, 2018 3:32 am

Really enjoyed this one Crafty, I liked how as the layers got deeper things got weirder and more dreamlike! As others have mentioned, the end of Emi's chapter was a bit disturbing and Misha's outbursts were an interesting take.

Edit: Removed a question that could have been seen as requesting.

Hanako Fancopter
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Re: Dreamy

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:47 am

Man this was quite a trip. Read one part of it per day for a week. My only comment about the writing is that I think there were more commas than were necessary in many sentences. But that's just a technical nitpick--the storytelling was excellent. The ending is kind of a bummer, but considering what I did with Hisao in my fic, I guess I can't be too upset about it. It's a hallmark of the piece's quality that by the end of it, I did want Hisao to find some kind of happiness or satisfaction. I think my favorite one was Lilly's scene where they are doing the massage and meditation. Not sure why, that part was just really cool to me.... maybe something about the amount of intimacy it conveyed without being overtly sexual (of course it did go there at the very end, but only briefly).

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