Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 25, 2018: Project Blue Curtain [S9])

WORDS WORDS WORDS
User avatar
NoticeMeOppai
Posts: 37
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 12:11 pm

Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 25, 2018: Project Blue Curtain [S9])

Post by NoticeMeOppai » Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:30 am

You absolute madman, that was glorious. Had some initial doubts as to why the director's daughter would choose to play Hanako if she was looking for a boyfriend, but you explained it all in the end. Wonder what happened to her though. Assuming some kind of major therapy.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 5814
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 25, 2018: Project Blue Curtain [S9])

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:33 pm

Okay, it took me a while to get to read that with so many other stories appearing lately, but it finally happened, and... man what a ride...
This not only deserves its own thread, it has easily taken its place among my top ten favourite stories around here. I don't keep a list, so no idea where exactly it would settle. :wink:
I did notice the timeline issue, but frankly I understand why the change was made, and I think the story works better with it.

If there is one thing to compl... No I can't even call that a complaint... one aspect I'd have liked to see explored, it would have been if Emi had taken longer to recognize her feelings - say until the relationship was already under way - but even there I can see that it wouldn't have worked, because it would have been a different story. Also an insteresting one, but a different one.

Anyway, this story was above and beyond all expectations anyone could have had for this project. Thank you for being as crazy as you are!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Craftyatom
Posts: 264
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:38 pm
Location: Arizona, USA
Contact:

Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 25, 2018: Project Blue Curtain [S9])

Post by Craftyatom » Sun Jan 13, 2019 12:54 am

ProfAllister wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 8:02 am
Can't help but point out there were some timeline issues (most notably that Hisao's lock-in scene with Emi comes on the second run)
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:33 pm
I did notice the timeline issue, but frankly I understand why the change was made, and I think the story works better with it.
I originally wanted to keep all the events from Act 1 the same, but I ran into a problem: the VN is broken up into many small scenes, some with timeskips in the middle, whereas my story has (relatively) few chapters, with almost no mid-chapter timeskips. As such, the story worked much better when multiple separate lines/actions were combined into single scenes. The first and second days of running were combined, and then the first rooftop lunch ended up being moved up with them. This is to make no mention of all the scenes I outright skipped, though I did my best to reference them in later chapters. That said, I do think that I made the right choice, in the end - there's simply no graceful way to fit a VN peg into a short story hole.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:33 pm
If there is [...] one aspect I'd have liked to see explored, it would have been if Emi had taken longer to recognize her feelings - say until the relationship was already under way - but even there I can see that it wouldn't have worked, because it would have been a different story. Also an insteresting one, but a different one.
I agree that Emi's feelings for Hisao kind of come out of the blue - at the end of one chapter she's only just happened upon the idea that she might have real feelings for him, and the next chapter starts with her proclaiming that she loves him completely and undoubtedly. That transition took a long time for the characters (and included more times when Emi had to act loving while trying desperately not to think it for real), but was almost instantaneous from the reader's point of view, because I simply didn't have the time or energy to write it all out, but it had to happen sooner rather than later. I considered adding a number of extra chapters: more rooftop lunches, the second time Hisao goes running, the track meet, their first date, a subsequent date, and their first time. I eventually decided that it was better to consolidate chapters, and I almost cut it down to 7 at one point. In the end, I think that I covered everything well enough, and that readers could fill in most of the gaps.
NoticeMeOppai wrote:
Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:30 am
Wonder what happened to [Hanako] though. Assuming some kind of major therapy.
I hadn't thought much about the life of various characters after the end of the story, besides the fact that Hanako never returns to class for "medical reasons", and Lilly leaves after a short grace period due to "summons from relatives in Scotland". I do think the Director would try to help his daughter, both with professional therapy and a more personal role in her life. It wouldn't be a quick or easy fix, of course, but it might work out in the end. I don't think I'll ever write any continuations or additions to this story, despite some interesting ideas here, so if anyone ever wants to try and flesh out that concept, they're free to give it a go.
brythain wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:27 am
That's a classic, needs a thread of its own to do it justice.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:33 pm
This not only deserves its own thread, it has easily taken its place among my top ten favourite stories around here.
I did seriously consider a standalone thread for this one, especially since it was so long, but looking forward, I needed to make a one-shot thread at some point, and although neither this nor Dreamy are short, they are both standalone stories with a single central concept, so I think having them compiled like this is the best way to do things. I do plan on adding another somewhat-short story to this thread in future, so it really is meant to be my one-shot thread. I know, semantics, but I felt I should justify a decision that makes this story somewhat more difficult to find.
Downix wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 2:11 am
Dude! I am absolutely speechless. Well done! Bravo!
brythain wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:27 am
Bravo. Quite the thriller.
ProfAllister wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 8:02 am
To say that I'm happy with the result would be a gross understatement. This was pretty phenomenal. Doesn't hurt that The Truman Show is one of my favorite movies.
NoticeMeOppai wrote:
Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:30 am
You absolute madman, that was glorious.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Tue Jan 08, 2019 6:33 pm
Anyway, this story was above and beyond all expectations anyone could have had for this project. Thank you for being as crazy as you are!
Thank you all so much for the kind words (it's weird to hear my work rated as highly as some of the classics here), and to Prof, you're overwhelmingly welcome! As for being crazy, I hadn't realized just how insane my one-shots are, on the whole. Strange, because I don't feel like I'm that kind of author, but I guess the stories speak for themselves. Still, as long as people enjoy reading them, I can't ever say it wasn't worth writing them!
Main route: COM(promise)
One-shots: Crafty's One-Shots (Dark Winter Sky, Destroyer, Dreamy, and Project Blue Curtain)
Old poetry: Google Drive Collection

User avatar
Oddball
Posts: 2722
Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:05 pm

Re: 2 - Epic

Post by Oddball » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:18 am

Noise ...

It's a cute idea, but doesn't really work as well as it could have. I think the joke with all the screaming would have worked better if Misha had felt more like an actual person before hand. She feels a bit too one dimensionally cheerful for most of this story.


Epic ...

This is a weird one. You do a good job establishing a light hearted mood slowly getting less and less serious but in the end you swerve completely giving it the feeling that you were building up for some kind of joke and decided not to tell it at the last moment.


Command ...
On the other hand, there was an implication that any problem they couldn’t answer wasn’t really a problem at all - it was more of a rhetorical question, to be considered but not worried about.
I really love this part. Actually I really enjoy how you handle their relationship altogether in this section. The little game with the shackles was an interesting touch as well. It's original and it fit both characters perfectly without being too overboard. THEN you go overboard.

It was a nice little twist slowly devolving into irrational nightmare in a properly dreamlike tone, but I think I enjoyed the actual relationships parts of the story better.


Serenity ...

I think this is probably your weakest one. Lilly's character seems off and you can tell that your heart isn't into their relationship.

Flow ...

Nothing really to say about this one. Not great. Not horrible. Decent enough.

Power ...

I do like how you made Hisao a bit more negative in this story. It fits the Rin route better. The fact that Rin seemed to know what was going on when nothing made sense and Hisao didn't also really fit with the characters. The ending where Rin revealed Hisao was the one that made everything this was was also oddly sweat.

I like that you didn't end the chapter with him thinking about another girl after waking up. It helped drive the emotional impact home.

Surface ...

Harsh, but a nice end to the story.

As a whole, the thing was a nice entertaining read. The impact does lessen a little as you read more of it though knowing that it's always going to end as a dream, but that's somewhat unavoidable and you did a nice job at doing new things with it.

...

Project Blue Curtain

...

I have to admit, you got me curious on this right from the start. The character you were describing certainly matched Emi, but didn't seem anything like her personality wise. I started to wonder if maybe it wasn't supposed to be her then with the recording angle, maybe it was her years later...

Then you reveal that they're all "actors". Then I became REALLY curious.

I loved the new personalities that you've given the cast here. Bitchy murderous Hanako might have been a bit over the top but the rest were great. Misha being the tech genius with Shizune as her sidekick was great, as was Lilly being he bodyguard for Hanako. There was also something hilarious about Kenji being Rin's girlfriend.

I also loved how Rin kept trying to worm her way into more screentime.

I think the story does wrap itself up a bit too quickly though. It's also a shame we never got to see Meiko's appear.

Still otherwise it was a phenomenal read.
Not Dead Yet

Post Reply