NmO does Shorts [Updated 2018/11/16]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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NoticeMeOppai
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 12:11 pm

Re: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2018/11/07]

Post by NoticeMeOppai » Sat Nov 10, 2018 3:30 am

Glad you all enjoyed it, thanks for the feedback!
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:37 am
I like Hanako, and double like lewd Hanako. And triple like yuri Hanako >.>
Speaking of yuri Hanako, that last one was actually partly inspired by your unexpectedly sweet Hanako x Misha fix.
Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:37 am
One comment I have is that I think some of your sentences tend to run on a bit. But I think your writing is good overall!
Hmm, yeah I see what you mean. It's something I've struggled with, striking a balance between run ons and short choppy phrases. Thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely take it on board.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:43 am
Funny thing we were just discussing one of Kosher's stories in the book club.
Your writing reminds me of his.
I will absolutely take that as a compliment! I'll pop in and have a look at which one is in the book club.
brythain wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 10:58 am
Started vanilla, ended strawberry cotton candy. :D
Hehe, you know it!

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NoticeMeOppai
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 12:11 pm

Re: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2018/11/16]

Post by NoticeMeOppai » Fri Nov 16, 2018 6:54 pm

And now for something completely different! I wrote this whilst I was struggling to sleep the other night. Poetry isn't something I've really done too much of before but thought I'd try my hand at it. I'm not going to offend the purists by trying to claim this is a haiku, but it's certainly haiku inspired. Hopefully it makes enough sense without explaining too much about it but I'd appreciate any feedback.

Worry Tree


I have a secret
A place I can sit alone
And there I worry

The old worry tree
My secret spot no longer
I don't mind so much

He joins me there now
Not always, only sometimes
I guess it's quite nice

My words come out wrong
It's easier when painting
To say how I feel

Sometimes I worry
That no-one understands me
Still, one day, He might

Hanako Fancopter
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri May 25, 2018 6:27 pm

Re: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2018/11/16]

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:13 pm

Very good! In my opinion at least. I am crap at poetry so it's cool to see people make good ones.

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Lap
Posts: 33
Joined: Sun May 27, 2018 4:35 pm
Location: North Carolina
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Re: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2018/11/16]

Post by Lap » Sat Nov 17, 2018 8:06 am

Sweet. The epigrammatic nature of haikus seems particularly well suited to Rin's thought processes.
Current KS Stories:
Akira's Surprise: Akira pays a surprise visit to Lilly, Hanako and Hisao on Christmas eve. S9 Entry.
Arrival : Hanako's first days at Yamaku
Home: Hanako & Hisao at University, sharing an apartment with their friend Lilly (on Ao3).

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