Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

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Beeronious
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Beeronious » Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:35 am

Diffuser
The door to the roof opens with a sharp creak. As the sunlight and fresh air hit my senses I bask in the momentary distraction from my thoughts. The confrontation between Misaki and Shizune that morning, and its fallout had been front and centre of my brain since this morning.

I listen to the crunch as my feet strike the small pebbles of the roof. I really didn't know where else to go when the bell for lunch rang. I didn't know where Misaki was, since she never returned to class. I don't think I could face her at the moment. I wasn't sure if Shizune was still agitated over the incident. Probably best to give her some space.

As my fingertips brush the cool metal of the chain link fence I am pulled from my thoughts by the familiar creak of the door. I turn and see Misha staring at the pebbles past the door's threshold. Her dejected gaze looks up at me as her muttering is barely louder than the soft breeze.

"Oh... hi Hicchan.."

I give Misha a somewhat awkward smile as I wave my hand in apology.

"Oh. Sorry Misha. I can leave you be up here. I can go somewhere else..."

Her solemn voice cuts me off. It's almost bizarre not hearing her voice at a volume that is capable of waking the dead.

"No. Please stay. I could do with some company."

I raise a quizzical eyebrow towards her. Everything about her body language and voice has me worried. Nonetheless I need to address the elephant in the room.

"Where's Shizune?"

Misha comes up beside me, placing her palm on that fence. Her eyes gazing out towards the sky and small formation of clouds.

"Shicchan left without saying a word. I suspect she's in the Student Council room. I'm sure she wants to be alone. She didn't take the fight very well. I'm sure she feels guilty. She can't resist a challenge. But still I think she blames herself for you and Kawana's fight."

"How did she know I have an argument with Misaki?"

Misha shakes her head and sighs.

"It's not exactly a mystery. You dragged her out of the room and came back a few minutes with that hang dog expression like you had most of your first week. It is rather easy to put the pieces together."

I nod in resignation. I guess it would be rather obvious. I dread to hear what the Yamaku rumour mill thinks of this. Despite the cliques, it is still a very tightly knit community. And the rumour mill has all the grace and precision of a tactical nuclear warhead.

"Either way. It's not Shizune's fault. Something is eating away at Misaki and I think she just jumped at the first opportunity to vent. Unfortunately, that opportunity was Shizune."

Misha's golden eyes widen at this revelation. Her dejected expression sliding into a look of concern.

"I don't think that matters to Shicchan. She made Hicchan sad. The one thing she hates most is seeing her friends upset. She's probably thinking up a million and one schemes to try and cheer you up."

She laughs somewhat awkwardly as she looks at me. Studying my face.

"And I guess she isn't going to have much effect. Would it help if you vented to your friend Misha?"

I close my eyes thinking. What would I say? What do I want to say?

"I'd like to Misha. Honestly. I just don't know. I feel at a loss as to what I'm frustrated about. It honestly came from nowhere, and two of my best friends are off brooding and my third best friend is up here offering to hear me out and I don't even know what to think,"

"Wahaha~!"

Misha's mirthful laugh cuts through the sky like a knife through butter but it does a good job of breaking the dour mood.

"I know. I'm hopeless."

The door, yet again, makes it creaky announcement of guests to the roof. Before I can look and identify who has come up to the roof, a familiar voice makes its presence known.

"Just our luck Rin. Yesterday Lilly and Hanako stole our spot. Today it's... OH! Hi Hisao, Misha!"

My running companion is beaming her typical smile towards us, her armless accomplice still maintains her familiar, deadpan expression, greeting us with a nod of acknowledgement.

"Hi Emi, Rin. Sorry. I forgot you two usually had lunch up here. It was just a such a nice day today I thought it would be nice to enjoy the breeze."

Emi makes her way to the regular spot and begins unpacking Rin's lunchbox. Her eyes lock on to mine, a scrutinizing giving way to a small smirk.

"Oh? So you are not brooding over the little love triangle between you, Kawana and Shizune? Nurse had his bet on you and Misha being a couple. Seeing you two up on the roof may mean I owe him some money."

My face is burning red from her analysis. I look to Misha in the vain hope she may interject.

"Wahaha~!"

Thanks Misha.

It looks like the Yamaku rumour mill is in full effect. I fold my arms and sigh in resignation. I guess it's time to dig.

"Well it wasn't exactly a 'love triangle' situation, and Misha and I aren't doing anything up here. Still, who did you hear that from?"

Misha gives an exaggerated 'awww', much to Emi's amusement and my bemusement. Emi still scratches her chin as Rin begins eating, her fork being dexterously held in her toe.

"Well I heard it from Saki Enomoto, who I think heard it from Aiko, you know, the class rep from 3-1. I think she heard it from an underclassman I think her last name was Katayama, who heard it from... I don't know."

"Maybe she heard it from the butterfly?"

Rin's bizarre interjection throws us all off balance. I can't help but follow her train of thought. I have to admit to having an almost morbid curiosity in trying to figure out how her mind works.

"Oh? So who did the butterfly hear it from?"

Rin smirks triumphantly.

"Lilly Satou of course. I confirmed her and the butterfly are in cahoots. And she heard it from Ikezawa, she is in your class after all."

I am not entirely sure if I regret my curiosity. Although I can't help but conjure the image of Lilly singing a song as the cute animals of the forest answer and begin to escort her. It does seem to fit her.

I hear the sudden gurgle of my stomach demanding sustenance. I sense my escape. I look to Misha who is standing there amused at the bizarre conversation.

"Anyway. I am going to go get something to eat. Are you coming Misha?"

Misha simply replies with a nod and smile.

"It's good to see you again Rin. Emi, I'll see you same time tomorrow."

Misha awkwardly smiles and waves to them.

"Yeah. It's nice seeing you guys."

She then returns her classic big smile.

"We should have lunch together properly some time."

Strangely, it's Rin who replies. Rather than Emi.

"Yes Misha. You should join us, without that strange girl who doesn't want to talk to us. When she's not around you seem to a lot more pleasant."

I have an extremely difficult time telling who is laughing louder. Emi, Misha or myself.
Last edited by Beeronious on Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Beeronious
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Beeronious » Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:52 am

Oddball wrote:
Tue Jan 16, 2018 4:26 pm
Yeah. I think that conversation isn't something you should skip. It feels too important.

Also, I think they both get a bit too technical defining their disabilities.
As mentioned by not just you, but Mirage_GSM, StilesLong. I completely agree that this need to be addressed. When I first did that bit I wasn't 100% confident in Misaki's voice in particular. I think as I have gone along I have found it. I was really trying to figure out a way to try and convey a sort of pseudo-keigo way of addressing. I plan on completely rewriting this initial chapter as looking back I am very, very unhappy with it.

The whole technical thing was really poorly conveyed. The idea was that Misaki was being incredibly frank and forward in addressing it, noticing Hisao was staring. Hisao in a friendly, albeit smart ass (yes I am writing Hisao as a bit more of a smart ass) way was replying in kind. I guess it didn't come across as well.

Anyhoo I am going to keep moving forward.

Downix
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Downix » Sun Mar 11, 2018 1:45 am

I was literally just reading this an hour ago and enjoying it very much. Overall very well done. Cannot wait to read more.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:30 pm

Hisao's reply letter
Probably the most mature reply to Iwanako's letter I have read in any route, including the original VN.
Though she would probably appreciate being adressed by her correct name "Iwanako"...
The confrontation between Misaki and Shizune that morning, and its fallout had been front and centre of my brain since lunch.
...
"Hi Emi, Rin. Sorry. I forgot you two usually had lunch up here.
So... is this lunch or later?

SPaG are very good for the whole story. Just two or three typos I noticed in a text of this length.

Nice facets of Misha we got to see as well. I'm not sure I'm on board with your Rin, though. I admit she only had a couple of lines so far, but in thouse she seemed more like Kenji than Rin.

Finally also good pacing. This was quite a lot to read all at once (once I found the place where the new chapters start) but it still didn't start to drag anywhere.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Beeronious
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Beeronious » Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:43 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:30 pm
Probably the most mature reply to Iwanako's letter I have read in any route, including the original VN.
Though she would probably appreciate being adressed by her correct name "Iwanako"...
I wanted to write Hisao as somebody who has had to grow up way faster than normal. Hence his tendency to easily forgive people. Such as when Shizune and Misha caught wind of his issues by peeking at records (that they already had access to). Still oblivious as hell. I'm worried I have him written as being too oblivious.

And HOLY CRAP! No joke, I have read that as Iwanko since I first got into KS in September.

Thank Xenu for find and replace.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:30 pm
So... is this lunch or later?
Was originally going to be after school. A sudden change turned it into lunch. Thanks for the pickup.

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:30 pm
Nice facets of Misha we got to see as well. I'm not sure I'm on board with your Rin, though. I admit she only had a couple of lines so far, but in those she seemed more like Kenji than Rin.
Thanks for the Misha comment. I actually really enjoy writing for Shizune and Misha. Originally I was going to have Ikuno play a much larger role in the story. But gradually her role got taken up by these two to the point that she just has a couple of lines.

As for Rin well... I am not big on Rin, never really understood her. But I felt it would not make sense for her to not be in that scene. Honestly I have no plans for her to appear again (And I have pretty much most of Act 4 already mapped out).

Funny you mention pacing too. That's why I haven't included Kenji at all.

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Oddball
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Re: Forced Perspective - A Misaki Kawana Pseudo Route

Post by Oddball » Mon Jul 09, 2018 12:06 pm

I think the pace might be a bit too fast. There are a few scenes where we hear about what happened without having seen it, and those usually sound like they would have been good scenes.

Still, I do give you props for Misaki. She comes off as a good strong and unique character.
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