Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

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Lucios
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Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Lucios » Wed Nov 08, 2017 1:12 pm

Many people when they read a Fanfiction from Katawa shoujo like to read by listening to the music of the game (I am one of these people) So to satiate this will I put a legend that I will put in the notes of each chapter so that you can put the song in the moment right! for that first you have to download the soundtrack of the game, something that can be done in the official website of the game: http://www.katawa-shoujo.com/download.php


Song legend:

01: Demage
02: Painful History[/colorr]

history takes place after the events of the Hanako route

Chapter 1: Iwanako


Music: 01

Bright, powerful light blinded her eyes the second she opened them. I tried to shield my eyes from the intense bundles, but my arm refused to cooperate or the rest of my body for that matter.

Something cold brushed against my cheek. I was in a bed? The heavy wool blankets covering my body suggested this. I struggled to regain control of my body, but to no avail. Soft cracks emerged from my spine as I stretched. A sudden wave of exhaustion overwhelmed me and I ended up falling back on the bed with a sigh. my members felt that they had not been used in times and protested against the slightest force. An annoying pulse reverberated through my skull. I tried to remember what happened, but there was only a quick jolt of pain for my efforts. my brain felt it had been stabbed with a hot knife several times. Maybe I actually got stabbed in the brain with a hot knife.

A strong, antiseptic smell suddenly struck my nostrils. I recognized that scent. The odor was practically a hallmark for hospitals everywhere. His surroundings seemed to confirm it. Plain tiled awnings, and generic wallpaper adorned the room. Hospitals spend a lot of money on many things. Making someone feel at home, obviously, was not one of them.

Fatigue continued to call my tired form. my body showed little resistance. I ran a hand over my head. A rough texture sitting where my black hair should be. They felt like bandages.

Why am I here? How long have I been away? And in that case, who am I?

my dark brown eyes rummaged through the room, hoping the answers were written somewhere. Luckily, one of them popped into my mind, clear as day.

Oh, right, Iwanako. I'm ... Iwanako.

my brow furrowed as my brain tried to remember more. "Takeo ... Kase? Or was Takash? Maybe it was Keto?"

A clipboard that hung a heart monitor to his left caught his attention. I reached out, ignoring the shooting pain running up and down my arm, and I grabbed for two fingers, holding it enough to read.

"Iwanako ... Furukawa, I almost hit you." I murmured. "Now, to the big question ... why am I here?"

Another wave of exhaustion surprised me. I let go of the clipboard, letting my arm fall to the side. This time, my lack of energy overwhelmed me, leading him to a deep sleep.

bits of something flooded my mind, but none of it made sense. Soon they also disappeared, leaving me in the void of sleep without dreams.

 

-------------------------------------

Music 02

Yamaku was silent. Not a soul can be seen or heard without impressive complex. At first glance, the building completely completely abandoned; which made me feel a bit uncomfortable

Certainly, it was not what I expected. At least one landscape is cool. I still think the doctor did not have to send me here.
I shuddered as I remembered I was no choice in the matter. At least you're no longer available with head bandages, be strange, throw a new school with those things. His conversation with his doctor echoed in his mind.

"Since you could not find your parents or guardians, we had to act accordingly. See you later, you're like something out of the state to your own ends." The doctor said in an emotionless tone.

"You have my name, right? Can not you use that?"

"Yes, we were able to" identify "you," the doctor said when making air quotes, "but that's only because of a piece of paper that did not find your pocket when you were retrieved. But so far, no one has been found for who his father is.

My hand went to my bag and took the torn paper in question. Just as the doctor said, his name was the only written matter. An upper edge for torn, making me wonder if it was part of a larger writing,


"So, what happened to me?" I asked after I sat down.

"According to eyewitnesses, you were walking down the street when a car ran to you. You suffered a serious brain trauma, which is the cause of the retrograde amnesia that you have now.I believe until you recover your memory, able to find any concrete evidence about your life prior to your accident.So I have decided that until we find something about your family, you will be transferred to an facility where people with their ... specific needs are met. "

I went through the wrought iron gates and entered the courtyard. The soft noise of the trees that dotted the campus received its entrance. As I wandered the courtyard, I finally took another piece of paper from the bag, a signed order for a series of prescription drugs. The disclosure of his injury and subsequent loss of memory were quite difficult. Finding out the main reason for his transfer to Yamaku was even worse.

"My ... needs? What do you mean? I just got a little bruise in my head, I do not think it needs special treatment, right?"

The doctor shook his head and said sternly, "I am the doctor here, Mrs. Furukawa, and the rationale for sending him to a specialized building goes further than the" small bruise "on his head" .

The man ran his hand through his gray hair; his broad eyes scanned the contents of the clipboard in his hand as he said, "Iwankao, you may have been aware of this since before your accident.We performed some tests and found a massive peak in the cellular degeneration of your body.We ran a little more tests to confirm our findings and diagnosed a potentially fatal condition if left untreated.Moreover, your immune system can not tell the difference between real bacteria and living tissues.In addition your brain has become extremely sensitive after the accident. you should avoid blows to the head as much as possible. "

I shuddered as the doctor's voice repeated everything in my mind. I was sick. my body was literally trying to destroy itself. What worsened was the absence of a cure. Correction of his immune system was not possible, so the doctors had no choice but to prescribe him remedies to suppress. Of course, since his immune system was weaker, he would be more at risk for things as simple as the common cold.

"... this has to be a joke, how can this exist? There's ... there's no way ..."

"Unfortunately it is," the man said softly, "you have an autoimmune disease.There is no cure, but we have medicines that will keep you in Order.That's why we're sending you to a school that is properly equipped for someone like you. , the Yamaku Academy.There is a 24-hour nursing staff, a dormitory for you to live in and all disability-friendly accommodations are catered for.It is an ideal place for you to meet your parents or until your memory is restored.

I did not like the idea of being placed in a hospital disguised as a school, but I did not have much choice.

I stopped in front of the school door, took a deep breath and went inside expecting no more suffering than I ever suffered.







I must say I was inspired by several fanfics to do this. as if I was connecting the fanfics in a story involving Iwnako who is a very little character explored in most of the Fanfics I read. Another warning is that I do not know how to speak English, I actually speak Portuguese but here is the best place to post Fanfic in my opinion
Last edited by Lucios on Fri Nov 10, 2017 9:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Oddball
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Oddball » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:40 pm

It's kinda obvious English isn't your first language. You might want to get somebody to help you out and proof read your story before posting it. Your grammar is all over the place. One thing in particular that stood out is your tendency not to capitalize sentences.

the story itself seems like it could be interesting.
Not Dead Yet

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Lucios
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Lucios » Thu Nov 09, 2017 8:27 am

yes I really would like some help to post the rest of the story in English. but I'll try to post a few more chapters.

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Lucios
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Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Lucios » Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:04 am

Chapter 2: Hisao

Music 01: School Days


I stare at the painting in front of me. Normally he would make an effort to listen to the lectures of Mutou. But after spending a three-day weekend in Hokkaido my brain was still in hibernation, even after some school days had passed. Mutou had an ability to annoy most of the class and today even more so as he talked about his lesson in harmonic motion.

The memories of Hokkaido were still fresh in my mind. After Lilly finally returned from Scotland I was crazy to tell her about my relationship with Hanako. More Hanako had already told Lilly over the phone which made me a bit angry
.
During our tea party Lilly suggested that we go to a family home in Hokkaido to spend the rest of the weekend.

The train ride to Hokkaido took a long time, but I managed to find a way to kill time, playing cards with Hanako or reading one of the books I brought.

When we arrived, the sun was almost setting toward the horizon, washing the landscape with a comforting orange glow. After we settled into the house, Lilly gave Hanako and I the only room in the house, leaving the sofa to itself. I could still remember Hanako's cheeks curling into a deep red when Lilly said we'd be sharing a room. The memory brought a smile to my lips.

As the days passed, we occasionally went to the nearby town to explore and shop. Hanako and I used to spend time alone, or checking out some of the shops or enjoying lunch together. I looked at the corner of the room to see Hanako looking at his open book. A spark reflected the bracelet partially hidden in his wrist. It was a simple silver chain design with several ornaments attached, but Hanako seemed to really like it when I bought it for her.

Something poked me out of my thoughts. The offensive object, which turned out to be no more than a pencil, was played by none other than Misha. A broad grin creased over her face as she slipped a note. I gave her a confused look before unfolding the crumpled piece of paper.

"Did you like your weekend, Hicchan?"


arched an eyebrow in his direction. It seemed such a strange thing to ask in the middle of a lesson. Why could not she wait until the end of class? Regardless, I wrote my answer and slipped secretly on his desk.

"Yes, it was good. And yours?"

Misha suppressed a giggle and wrote something energetically. She carefully folded it again and slid toward me.

"It was great! Shicchan and I had so much fun! "

After taking my answer, I returned the note, keeping a watchful eye on Mutou.

"Is good to hear that".

Before I could concentrate on the painting again, Misha shoved the note into her face. This time her cheerful, unconcerned expression turned into something like a forced imitation of Emi's puppy gaze. Unfortunately for Misha, her expression was ... well it did not have the same effect as Emi

"But we need your help, Hicchan! Shicchan and I need to file a lot of paper work, including the forms for a new student! Is not that exciting?! Remember when you moved, Hicchan? "

I looked at Misha, who was struggling to keep her little puppy looking as genuine as possible. So that was what she wanted.

"So, you want me to file the documentation for you while showing the school to the new student?"

"In fact the new student should only arrive tomorrow! So besides his paperwork we have Student Council stuff to file! Are you going to help us, huh? You would not leave two beautiful girls at the mercy of the paperwork, would you? "

"I do not know Misha. When do you want me to help? "

"After this class, look at the positive side, if you help, you can skip the last class today"

I have to admit, this is really tempting! I do not like to kill classes but today I really do not have the head to study and the opportunity to skip the last lesson without suffering consequences seems irrefutable

"Okay, I'll help you"

Misha's expression became truly Happy!

"Thank you HIcchan! You are the best. Can I ask you something else? You spent the weekend with Hanko right?

I turned my face to the window. I could have sworn I felt my cheeks red that would be fully visible if it were not for my hand covering my face. I shook my head with a sigh and wrote back an answer.

"It's personal, Misha. Could you keep this secret between us? "

Misha laughed. It was obvious that he took all his restraint so as not to break into his laughter.

"Awww, okay, Hicchan. But do not think the subject will end now! "

I grunted something in a low voice. If Shizune and Misha had a talent, it would be their ability to question someone without mercy; sometimes without even trying. One way or another, they found out about Hanako and me. I just hoped I could avoid it as long as possible. I'm starting to wonder if it was a good idea to decide to help them today!

With the conversation over and class finished, Me and Misha and Shisuze went to the student council room. I figured I would take care of the new student paperwork but eventually they got all over the new student and I took care of the student council paperwork! Apparently his curiosity about the new student was greater than my relationship with Hanako, which is great since he avoided being questioned by both of them! We took care of the paperwork for a long time!





This chapter was small but I plan to post the third one still today. Once again I'm sorry for my English.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Nov 09, 2017 1:53 pm

I'm sorry to say that I don't share Oddball's relatively positive assessment of the story.
Yes, the grammar is all over the place with tenses, narrative voice and even Iwanako's gender switching every few paragraphs and sometimes within one and the same, but that's not the biggest problem.

That is that much of it simply doesn't make sense!

Iwanako wakes up in the hospital after an accident. The doctor comes in and tells her she has lost the memory of the last few years... How does he KNOW that without talking to her? Did the EEG read "lost all memories up to May 15th 2004"?
Then the doctor chides her for her attitude when she has just woken up from a coma, which would be highly unprofessional even if she hadn't agreed to everything that was asked of her. What part of her attitude was so terrible?
Then the line about her being able to live for a long time is lifted straight from the chapter in the VN, but it doesn't make any sense here. Why would memory loss affect her lifespan?

Much of chapter 1 reads like an abriged version of the VN scene with several weeks worth of events crammed into a single scene.

Then in chapter two you have the "conversation" between Hisao and Misha. It starts out as a paper being passed back and forth, but after a while you seem to forget that and by the end they probably used up half a writing block.

Just a few examples...

Those are all problems that have nothing to do with language skills, and you should start trying to fix them. If after that you need help with your grammar, drop me a PM and I'll see what I can do.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Lucios
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Lucios » Thu Nov 09, 2017 3:48 pm

You really are right. my initial idea was that she would forget everything and that they could not find her parents. but I ended up changing a lot and forgot to put very important details, it does not make sense the doctor to know that she lost the memory before she woke up. I do not know if I edit chapter 1 and I put my initial idea or continue as is. Thank you for the warning.

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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Nov 09, 2017 6:20 pm

Stories are not static - they evolve as you write them. That's not bad - in fact it's a good thing. It means that you are willing to reconsider ideas that seemed good at the time and throw them out if you have better ones.

However you should make it a habit to read over the changed version of the story - prefereably after sleping a night over it - to see if the final version still makes sense. It's very easy to leftover words from earlier versions that you forgot to delete - or logic problems like in your story.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Lucios
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Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Lucios » Fri Nov 10, 2017 9:46 am

Original post cut because of plagiarism. Should it reappear, appropriate measures will be taken.

-Silentcook

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Nov 10, 2017 11:08 am

Well...
Yes, there is another fanfiction where Emi collides with Iwanako and sends her to the hospital. Problem is in THAT story Iwanako has arrythmia and not a traffic accident. Traffic accidents don't give you a heart disease...

And you again lifted several parts of the scene right from the VN.

As for the new chapter one... It's different but not neccessarily better.
First of all this is in Japan! You don't get run over by a car there and noone is able to identify you - especially not if they know your name! There is something like a police force looking for missing people and hospitals will be the first place they look.

Then the disease you gave her is basically cancer. Not really something that could be caused by a traffic accident, but it's not unthinkable that it would be diagnosed in the hospital after one. Still this doesn't explain her sudden susceptibility to punches to the chest as in the current chapter. Also the doctor would probably call it cancer and not convoluted explanation he used.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Leaty
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Leaty » Mon Nov 20, 2017 6:05 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:And you again lifted several parts of the scene right from the VN.
Not just the VN. This story is literally plagiarizing MTtB.
I wrote:Something hard and fast collides with my sternum, knocking me to the ground with the force of a pneumatic drill. It overruns me completely, and everything goes black as the back of my head collides with the linoleum, and my ears begin to ring like cathedral bells. My entire body sings with pain—

"Aw man, I— Oh, oh crap. Are you all right? Oh my god…"

There's a gentle sensation of someone else's hair tickling my cheeks… strawberries? I open my eyes to an unfamiliar face leaning over me. Urgh… Where am I, again? My head…

"Shit! I'm so, so sorry…"

"Ibarazaki, what the hell?!"

The stranger turns away from me. "She just came out of nowhere—I didn't—" She turns back to me. "You're okay, right? I… do you need me to get the nurse?"
Lucios wrote:Something hard and fast collides with my chest, knocking me to the ground with the strength of an elephant. It takes me by surprise and my head hits the ground, and everything turns black, My whole body sings in pain –

"Oh God, I ... Oh, oh shit Are you okay? Oh my God ..."

There is a soft feeling of someone else's hair tickling my cheeks ... strawberries? I open my eyes to an unknown face that leans over me. Urgh ... My head ...

"Shit! I'm so, I'm sorry ..."

"Ibarazaki, what the heck?!"

The stranger moves away from me. "She just came out of nowhere - I do not ..." She turns to me. "You're okay, right? I ... do you need me to get the nurse?"
It's really embarrassing that somebody thought they could just steal my work, mangle the wording so it looks like it was fed through a grain thresher, and try to pass it off as their own writing on the same fucking forum I posted it on.


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Eurobeatjester
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Eurobeatjester » Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:04 pm

Oooof. I thought parts of this looked familiar, but couldn't put my finger on why.
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
Blank Mage wrote:
Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
believe in yourself

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Nov 21, 2017 4:48 am

Yeah, I knew this bit was from Leaty's story, but I didn't think even the wording woud be almost exactly the same.

He wrote beneath his post that he got the idea from another story here, and it was pretty obvious which one he meant, but still that's taking "inspiration" way too far...

By the way, what is "inflectedly abandoned" supposed to mean?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Tue Nov 21, 2017 10:10 am

Eurobeatjester wrote:Oooof. I thought parts of this looked familiar, but couldn't put my finger on why.
For me, it was “Why am I thinking of MTtB...?”

I almost wanna consider we should maybe check some of the other fanfics that sound familiar and see if there is anything else taken from them.

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Eurobeatjester
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Re: Hanako and Iwanako Fanfic.

Post by Eurobeatjester » Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:19 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:Yeah, I knew this bit was from Leaty's story, but I didn't think even the wording woud be almost exactly the same.

He wrote beneath his post that he got the idea from another story here, and it was pretty obvious which one he meant, but still that's taking "inspiration" way too far...

By the way, what is "inflectedly abandoned" supposed to mean?
I think he meant "effectively"
Stuff I'm currently writing: Learning To Fly: A Saki Enomoto Pseudo Route
Two Turtledoves - A Lilly/Hisao Christmas Oneshot
Blank Mage wrote:
Eurobeatjester wrote:I doubt my ability to write convincing lesbian erotica
believe in yourself

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