Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

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Suzaku
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Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Suzaku » Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:22 pm

I'm letting her leave. That is my biggest mistake. I never tried to convince her otherwise, and couldn't open myself truly to her.

As her car leaves, I turn to the girl at my side. Her look of pain and sadness betrays her feelings. And I just let her best friend leave. She must hate me.

"So what are we going to do now?" I suggest, almost choking up my own words.

"W-we could go to town." she suggested. I for once agree. We both need something to put our minds off of her departure.

------------------------------------------------------------

As we go into town, the familiar sounds and sights accost us. I stop by a place, to buy me and Hanako some ice cream. As we sit and eat, she speaks up.

"I-i know you really loved Lilly. I'm... sorry she left yo- no, us."

I sigh. "Don't apologize. I promised her that I'd be there for you." I almost stutter. I can't be as good company to Hanako as Lilly was.

She smiles reassuringly. "I have some studying I need helping with. Mind helping me out after classes?"

I sigh. "Sure." I honestly can't believe she would want my company, but to be honest that's to be expected. Hanako and I are really close friends. She's improved a lot. I could say I even like her a bit... but reciprocation is just not possible. Besides, I don't think she is ready for any sort of relationship yet. She seems to be fragile. And there's still the question of Lilly.

We finish our ice cream, and walk over to the store where we bought presents for Hanako. She looks at me, and walks in.

The old man running the store walks up to us. "Welcome back, lad." He says. He then notices Hanako's scars. He stares, but not in the rude way most people do. He then gives a faint smile. "So this must be the girl you bought those presents for. Nice to meet you."

We browse, and Hanako notices an antique chess set. I see that her eyes almost sparkle looking at it. Soon enough, we leave. The shop owner smiles as he waves us off. Hanako had bought the cheapest doll there. I can't fault her, after all I know she loves dolls.

We walk through town, and I look at her face. She has had a huge confidence increase from the shy girl I met in the library. To be honest I really like this side of her.

We eventually get to the dorms. She surprises me however, by asking: "Would you l-like to play chess in my dorm room? Only for a bit."

I reluctantly agree. She's definitely doing this to make sure my mind is off Lilly for the moment.

-----------------------------------------------------

After setting up the tea and the chessboard, we play. This feeling of being with her, this is almost nostalgic. Playing chess with Hanako really eases me. As I strategize my next moves, it's like a battle of wits. In the end, however, she wins out. 34 - 1. I have a feeling I'm not cut out for this. Hanako giggles, and we set up another game.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:19 am

35 chess games take a LONG time - certainly more time than you plan for this story to take given the pace you're going...
But one thing:
I sigh. "Don't apologize. I promised her that I'd be there for you.
Given what we learned about Hanako in her route THIS is the one thing she wouldn't like to hear!
Not only wouldn't ANY girl want to hear that you're spending time with her because your ex asked you to, but the implication that she needs looking after is what sent her into her rage in her bad end.
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Suzaku
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Suzaku » Fri Jul 14, 2017 7:20 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:35 chess games take a LONG time - certainly more time than you plan for this story to take given the pace you're going...
But one thing:
I sigh. "Don't apologize. I promised her that I'd be there for you.
Given what we learned about Hanako in her route THIS is the one thing she wouldn't like to hear!
Not only wouldn't ANY girl want to hear that you're spending time with her because your ex asked you to, but the implication that she needs looking after is what sent her into her rage in her bad end.
Well, later on I do imply that those words stung, and that she is trying to prove him wrong about her. Still trying to work out the details of this fic. And the chess games are those he played off screen in Lilly's route, It's a counter of how many times they've won or lost against each other total.

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Hesmiyu
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Hesmiyu » Thu Jul 20, 2017 3:59 am

Suzaku wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, later on I do imply that those words stung, and that she is trying to prove him wrong about her. Still trying to work out the details of this fic. And the chess games are those he played off screen in Lilly's route, It's a counter of how many times they've won or lost against each other total.
It is good to get the plot and main details in order and complete before starting the fix, otherwise it'll bite you in the butt like it has me. Just a bit of friendly advice :)
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Suzaku
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Suzaku » Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:25 am

I'll be slowing down my fanfic producing due to school, a x for now I'll be focusing on this one.

Suzaku
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Suzaku » Sun Sep 10, 2017 11:36 pm

Ok, so in the boredom of hurricane season, I will rewrite this story from the start. I ma be delayed, but I'll tr my best to detente soon lol. School's been a pain tbh.

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Oddball
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Oddball » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:58 pm

If you want to rewrite it, go for it. I suggest you slowing things down and expanding upon your ideas a bit though.
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Suzaku
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Re: Slippery Slope (A Post-Lilly Neutral Ending Fic)

Post by Suzaku » Mon Sep 18, 2017 11:43 am

Oddball wrote:If you want to rewrite it, go for it. I suggest you slowing things down and expanding upon your ideas a bit though.
Ok. I'll try to do so. I may still be a bit clunky or slow in actual storytelling, but I'll try my best.

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