From Tokyo To Mumbai

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From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Zerebos » Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:17 pm

[Hopefully a spot for cover art someday!]

Hello there, I'm Zerebos. You may know me from commenting on one of your fics—I've read a ton of them. But I figured it's my turn to actually write one!

Just a quick disclaimer that I am an engineer with a very interesting background in writing a certain genre. Most of my writing lately has been for my master's thesis or for research/journal papers so hopefully while writing this I don't come off too clinical. I appreciate any and all constructive criticism as this kind of thing is not my forte!

What is this?
It's a story following Hisao about a year after graduating from Yamaku. Which ending was followed during the KS time frame is something you'll pick up on in the story, I don't want to give too much away. I can say that the title is a big hint although before reading it might not be of that much help. It's not a typical story, partly because it doesn't follow Hisao during Yamaku, but also because it's not focused on the romance. In this, we get to see Hisao breakdown, grow, and rediscover himself.

Table of Contents
Note: I'll be using Arcs instead of acts since the story isn't in the KS time frame.

Arc 1: Clearing The Fog
Chapter 1: Waking Up
Last edited by Zerebos on Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Zerebos » Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:18 pm

Arc 1: Clearing The Fog
Chapter 1: Waking Up

I hear constant beeping, or is that just in my head? There are flashes of white all around me. I hear screams now, a girl’s voice. The beeping gets faster. More shouts, a man’s voice this time. My body goes stiff, I can’t move. The beeping turns into a constant ringing. The man shouts again, followed by more flashes of white. Everything starts to get blurry, there’s a warm feeling on my face. Is that… a tear?


I jolt upwards. Damn. What does that make, 10 days in a row? I can’t do this anymore. I turn onto my side and reach forward grabbing a piece of chalk. I draw a tally diagonally. Yup, it’s really been 10 days. I blink a few times as I look around the room. It’s as barren as ever. The bed I'm in is covered with a single blue blanket. Across the room next to the bathroom door are a rickety desk and a chair that both look like they're about to fall apart. The nightstand directly to my left could have been made as a shop class project; it doesn't even have a drawer. The setup of the room brings back memories I don’t want to think about at all.

As I take a look at my nightstand, I remember there’s a small window above it and move the curtains to the side. I see a bunch of unfamiliar buildings with only a few tall ones. I can only see a few cars on the road; the whole area is quiet. This is not my city. As I look out on the horizon, I see the sun just barely starting to rise.

Another early start. I reach down to the night stand and reach for my pills. I look down and find myself empty-handed. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to that. I stride over to my desk and sit down. I grab one of the books and flip it open to where I left off.

My eyes scan over the words but it feels like they’re just bouncing off. My thoughts begin wandering off to other things. To her. Luckily, a knock at the door ends that train of thought. As I get up to walk over to the door I hear the hatch open at the bottom and a tray slide underneath. On the tray is the normal assortment of miso soup, rice and a plastic cup of water. I guess they don’t trust me with glass. I sit down at the desk with the tray and a pair of plastic hashi and slowly pick away at the meal. As I finish up the rice there’s another knock at the door.

“Come in,” I say half-heartedly to the knock at the door. The door opens and one of the many nurses walks in with a cup full of pills and a cup full of water. She walks over to me and hands me both the pills and the water and stares expectantly. “You don’t have to have to watch me you know, I’ll take them.”

“That’s my job,” she shoots back rather sternly. “We’re here to ensure your health.” Her face turns to one I’ve seen too many times—fake concern—before continuing, “... and safety.”

I give an exasperated sigh, then toss back pill after pill until just one remains.

“You have to take that one too.”

I glance at her and roll my eyes before retorting, “I’m not crazy, you know.”

She offers a forced chuckle.

“No one thinks you’re crazy, and that’s definitely not what that pill is for. It’s just part of your therapy.”

“Some kind of therapy,” I manage to grumble out as I swallow the final pill.

“It’s for the best. I would hope you know that by now.” She glances at her watch. “The next free block is in 15 minutes, you should use the time to get out of your room for once.”

“I’ll think about it.” I turn my head back to my meal. I hear her footsteps heading towards the door.

“You may not listen to me but I’ll still tell you this: the sooner you get out of your room the sooner you make progress and get out of here. You can go back to a normal life. Eventually you’ll be forced out, but the whole process is easier when you actually try.” The door starts to close. “Just a thought.” The door clicks shut.

I take a deep breath and throw my head back in order to think. What do I have to go back to anyway? I have nothing anymore. I only had her, and now she’s gone.


I slam my fists down on the desk causing the bowl of miso to bang against the tray. I feel a warm feeling coming down my cheeks. Why did it have to be her? It could have been anyone! It could have been me!

It should have been me.

“GAH!” I scream at the top of my lungs and my hands pull on my hair. I need to stop thinking like that. I hop out of the chair and start pacing around the room. Why didn’t I do anything? I should have stopped her. My pacing gets even faster as I hear myself starting to respond. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It was out of your hands.

Not this again. I’m NOT crazy. I lose track of my footing and trip over myself face first onto the floor. I push myself up thankful that falling got me out of my own head. It’s a good thing they put in the softest floors ever.

I cross my arms behind my head and lean my back up against the bed. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes trying to clear my mind. I think back to a book I read on Buddhism and start slowly chanting to myself in a sing-song voice. “Om mani padme hum.”

A few minutes pass and I feel myself finally start to calm down. I hear a speaker crackling and a woman’s voice comes on, “Free block has started, you may leave your rooms when they are unlocked.” This isn’t some form of therapy, this is a prison.

I get up off the floor and decide that I shouldn’t leave my room today, not in this condition. I walk over to the desk and sit down. I start to sip the miso soup and find that it has gone cold. Not worth it.

Scrapping the plan of finishing breakfast, I grab the book once again and head over to the bed. I sit there with my back propped up by the pillows against the wall. This time I’m able to get into the book and let the hours pass by.


A knock at the door pulls me from my reading. I glance at my current page to check my spot. 5 chapters today, not too bad. I mark my place by folding the top corner of the page. The way she used to do it. The way WE used to do it. I let out a large sigh as I set the book down on the nightstand and heave myself upright without a sound.

My eyes are glued to the floor as I make my way to the door. This is the worst part of every day. I shake myself to psych myself up for what's about to happen. As I pull the door open, I see the same nurse from this morning.

“It’s time for your appointment, Mr. Nakai.”

“I figured as much,” I grumble out as she turns around to lead me to the office.

I follow her relatively closely the whole way there. I guess I still don't want to be seen. Now there's a familiar thought.

The nurse pauses in front of the door to the office and turns around.

“You ready?”

“I guess so.”

She crosses her arms in front of her before replying, “We’re just here to help, be open, be willing and you'll be out of here before you know it, okay?”

When she crossed her arms I noticed she was wearing a name badge. “I’ll do my best, nurse Kimura.”

“It's no problem, like I said that's what I'm here for.” She gives a slight smile and starts to walk away but pauses and turns back to face me. “By the way, formalities can be a bit stressful, something we try to avoid here.” She gives a light chuckle before continuing. “So just call me Kana.”

I give a quick nod. “Only if you call me Hisao.”

“Hisao it is.” Her smile turns to a real one. She seems like she really cares. “Now go ahead and get in there, he’s expecting you.”

I return the smile and offer her another nod as I turn back to face the door. I take a deep breath and reach for the handle. You can do this, you're not crazy. I turn the handle and slowly stride into the room.

Cozy. That's the easiest way to describe it. At the far end of the room is a large desk without a chair. Behind it is a nice large window. Even though it's not my city I do wish I had a view like that in my room. Bookshelves span either side of the room, possibly built into the walls. In the middle of the room a small round table with some magazines on it, none that I recognize immediately. Between the table and myself is one of those psychiatry loungers you see in the movies. I never thought I would see one like this. Opposite me on the other side of the table is a nice wheeled leather chair with a man sitting in it.

He's not a very intimidating sight, sporting a white button-down popping out of a reddish-brown sweater. Classic boring person clothes. His face isn't one of intimidation or invitation either. It feels neutral, generic somehow. He has a full beard, about the same length as his normal hair, which appears to be about 2 inches long. It gives his face an odd sense of continuity. Having never seen the back of his head I can only speculate that he has a bald spot. His eyes are just as bland; they look like there's nothing behind them. Soulless. Well at least it's not intimidating, right?

“Ah, Mr. Nakai, you're just on time. Please make yourself comfortable.” He gestures with one arm along the lounger.

I decide to take the Kana’s advice and and be as willing as possible. After moving forward a couple of steps I fall backwards onto the lounger. I put my hands behind my head for a little bit of support. This actually is kinda comfortable. The ceiling isn't that interesting though.

My thoughts are broken by a light chuckle coming from my right. I turn my head to see the man smiling and raise an eyebrow in confusion.

He moves to explain himself. “Oh it's nothing bad, I'm just happy to see you finally come in and relax.”

A light smirk creeps over my face. “You can blame Kana for that.”

“Dropping the formalities already? She got to you earlier than most!” He pauses slightly. “As much as I'm glad to see you getting along, I trust you'll understand that it's for the best that we stick to the formalities?”

I nod. “I definitely understand Doctor… Doctor…” Crap I'm blanking. I glance over at his desk and notice his nameplate. “Matsudaira.”

“Having trouble remembering, Mr. Nakai?”

I hear a clicking sound. I turn my attention over to him and see he has the classic pen and notepad out. Oh great, I guess we’ve started.

“No offense, Doctor, but this whole thing is something I'm not too keen on remembering.”

“I see. Well, if we are to make any progress, you will have to remember our sessions and stick with me. You do want to make progress, don't you?”

I let out a sigh before responding. “I guess.”

“Hmm. Well, it's a start. And better than previous sessions at any rate.”

Wanting to just get it over with I turn my head back towards the ceiling and ask, “So how are we going to do this, Doc? Are you going to ask questions or just wait for me to talk?”

“It occurs to me, that since you're a bit more willing today, perhaps we should redo our introductions.”

That's actually probably for the best, maybe it will click this time.

He puts down the pen and paper and brings his hands up in front of his chest touching fingertips in a contemplative fashion.

“I am Doctor Kenta Matsudaira, I am here to help you.” He gestures in my direction with one hand. I guess that means it's my turn.

“I'm Hisao Nakai, I'm here because… I'm not really sure, but I'm not crazy.” I’m not.

“It's nice to meet you, Mr. Nakai, and I assure you I do not think you are crazy.” With a satisfied grin he picks up his pen and notepad. “So, Mr. Nakai, tell me what you remember of our previous sessions?”

“Not much, to be honest.”

“No need to be hasty with your answers. Try to think on it.”

I close my eyes and try to recall them. The last few days seem to be coming back in random flashes. There's someone with a nasal voice yelling at a nurse. That's my voice. I'm yelling at a nurse. I see a madman dashing around his room flailing his arms. He ends up smashing the nightstand. Nurses come in and sedate the poor guy. I see them bringing in a new nightstand. The one in my room. Was that me? I smashed my nightstand? I see the hospital bed, I see doctors and nurses running all around me. They're bringing in the crash cart. But who is in the bed? I look over. It's her. Not again I can't lose her I can't. Save her. I can't move. I'm frozen. Powerless yet again.

I come back to the present. I'm hyperventilating and shaking. Kana is kneeling at my side holding my hand and rubbing it. I begin to focus solely on breathing normally.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

I can feel myself shaking less, my breathing a bit less shallow.

“What just… what happ…” I try to squeak out between breaths.

Kana looks at me with a worried but caring face. "Hey now, don't try and talk, just breathe okay? You're gonna be fine.”

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

After another couple of minutes my breathing is back to normal. My forehead feels wet, possibly sweat? One more deep breath and I turn my head toward Kana. At this point I notice I'm still in the office.

“What happened?”

Kana opens her mouth to speak but is cut off by a monotone voice coming from behind her. “It was a severe panic attack, Mr. Nakai. No doubt caused by the memories.”

Unsure of how to respond, I just look blankly at Kana, who tries to say something but is cut off yet again.

“Ms. Kimura, please leave us to finish our session.”

Kana looks into my eyes giving a weak smile and a shrug before standing up. She glances over to Dr. Matsudaira and then back over to myself before taking her leave. Once the door closes, the doctor begins to speak again.

“Was there anything you remembered about the last few days, Mr. Nakai? Not about the prior event that led to your being admitted here.”

I nod. “Yes. I remembered a few things like yelling at a nurse and smashing the nightstand.”

“Hmm I see.” He jots something down in his notebook before continuing. “Did you happen to see the face of the nurse that you yelled at, or the nurse that was trying to help you when you broke the nightstand?”

I think for a while. “No, I can't recall a face at all.”

“That makes sense,” he says writing something in his book again. “You have developed quite a liking for her after all.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs and sets the notebook down on his lap, apparently upset I don't have an advanced degree in psychology.

“It's a defense mechanism, Mr. Nakai. If the face you saw on the nurse was of a good friend, you would feel pangs of shame and guilt having done those things to them, yes?”

I nod.

“Well in this case it's not necessarily a good friend, but of someone that has treated you kindly. Because of that your brain is trying to protect you from the memory.”

“You mean both those nurses… it was Kana both times?”

He nods slowly. “That's correct. Since you've taken a liking to her, and because she has treated you so kindly, having remembered what you did to her would have a little extra sting.”

“Doesn't telling me add the sting back and defeat the purpose of the defense mechanism?”

“Mr. Nakai, battling the defense mechanism of the human psyche is what I do. It's why we’re here.”

“So you're saying the only way to move on is to battle these defense mechanisms?”


That's just great.

“No need to feel overwhelmed, however. My job is to help you fight the battle and guide you in the right directions. I think together we could get you past all of this—how does that sound?”

Sounds like a lie.

“Sounds like a plan, Doctor Matsudaira.”

The man smiles and lifts his left arm up glancing at his watch. “Unfortunately that will have to do it for us today. We've run a little late, as it is. However, I do think this was our most productive session by far. I'm not sure what changed today but I'm glad it happened.”

I stand up and give a curt bow. “I think I know, and I'm glad as well.” Thank you, Kana.

“I trust you can find your way back to your room.” He gestures to the door.

I nod and head out of his office. On the other side of the door I let out a huge sigh of relief. So glad that's over.

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Zerebos » Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:18 pm

As I look around this part of the building, I realize I don’t actually know where everything is. Almost everytime I come and go from this office I’m escorted into and out of it.

The area I’m standing appears to be some sort of lounge. There’s an orange-brown leather couch with two matching chairs facing a decent sized television on a stand against the wall to my right. There’s also a cheap looking coffee table in the middle of the room that appears to be strewn with magazines and newspapers. Behind the couch is a pair of sliding glass windows, the kind usually seen at a doctor’s office. Oh, right.

One last look around and it appears this room gives way to two different hallways and I haven’t a clue which one leads to my room, or to anything for that matter. There’s also two other doors in the room, one on the same wall as Dr. Matsudaira’s office labelled ‘INFIRMARY’, and another on the far side of the room with red text, ‘STAFF ONLY.’

Looking at the two hallways, I can see the one directly ahead has a set of double doors, while the one to the left seems to lead to more hallways. Trying to make exploring easier on myself, I wander straight ahead. As I walk, I examine the double doors I noticed before and find them unlabelled. They also look heavy duty. On the right hand side of the hallway is another unmarked but wooden door.

Getting closer to the double doors, there’s another set of double doors with glass windows to my left. ‘CAFETERIA’ is written across the glass. So that’s where it is, I wonder if I’ll be able to find it again later. Peering through the glass, it looks like it’s pretty busy. I should head back to my room and wait out the rush. I start to make a mental map of the building in my head for later.

I turn back to the heavy looking double doors and push onwards. As I put my hand on the handle, the unmarked door opens behind me. Startled, I spin around to see who it is.


While I’m glad it’s just Kana, and not one of my… peers, I can’t help but feel my heart racing. Not this again. I lean back against the double doors and focus on my breathing. Thankfully it wasn’t a significant flutter at all and I’m back to my err... regular heartbeat in a few seconds.

“Whoa there big guy, didn’t mean to startle you.” I almost forgot Kana was there for a second.

“It’s okay I just have a… condition.” I don’t know why I’m still so shy about it.

“Don’t worry, Hisao, I already know about your arrhythmia. I do have to take care of you, after all,” she says with a grin.

“Good point.” I try and fail to give a convincing chuckle.

Kana apparently notices my faux chuckle, as her grin wavers. “It’s not something to be shy about, you know, it’s better that we know so we can help if something were to happen.”

“I know, I know. I just hate having to deal with it. I used to feel like a lesser person because of it, until I met someone that made me feel normal again. I guess I’m just starting to feel that way again.”

“I understand, trust me, I really do.” She looks down at the ground, her expression turning to one of pain. I guess she really does understand. “Anyway, I just popped out because I saw you going the wrong way on the camera.”

“Camera?” I start looking around to see if I can find it.

“Yup yup,” she says rather casually as she points to the corner of the hall above my head. I turn my direction up that way and sure enough, there’s a camera. “We have them around the facility to make sure everything is going okay.” She pauses before adding, “Or to make sure they aren’t getting lost, in your case!” She gives me a rather cheeky grin.

“I’m guessing I should have headed down the other hallway?”

“Yeah, that hall has all the bedrooms.” Bedrooms? Those hardly qualify as bedrooms in my eyes, just basic living quarters.

“So where does this hallway lead?”

Her expression returns to neutral as she responds, “Well, it leads to the front office. You have to be escorted up there, like when you leave.” She reaches her hand in her pockets and lifts out a keyring with what seems like way too many keys. “Or you have to have the key!”

“So I wouldn’t have made it through just now, would I?”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry to say, but you’re not going through there until Dr. Matsudaira gives the 'all clear', so to speak.”

“I know what you mean.” I shift around a little. “So Kana, can I ask you for a bit of a favor?” I hate asking her for help after remembering what I've done to her.

“Walk you back to your room?”

I chuckle slightly. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

Kana nods and turns around waving her hand as if to say ‘follow me.’ “C’mon, I’ll give you the tour of the place.” She leads me back into the lounge room and turns around to face me.

“So back there was the cafeteria, the door to the lobby and one of the doors to the nurse’s office. The other door is over there”, she points to the door on my left opposite the unexplored hallway.

“Right here is the infirmary where people go when they aren’t feeling well and behind me is Dr. Matsudaira’s office, but you probably remember that one.” She gives a big grin obviously pleased with her tour guide skills.

I wince a little at the mention of his office. “Unfortunately.”

Kana notices my reaction dropping her big grin to an apologetic smile. “It’ll get better, I promise.”

I nod my head with a sigh. She’s right after all.

Kana puts on a big smile again waving her hand. “Come on, there’s still more to this tour.” Kana starts walking down the mysterious hallway.

“How big is this place?” Can there really be more to see?

“Ehh… well it’s not really that big, the rest is pretty much just patient’s rooms.” Kana points to a door on our right. “And a couple more entrances to the cafeteria.”

She comes to a stop as we come to an intersection of hallways. “Down this way,” She points to my right, “there’s another entrance to the cafeteria on the right. The left side is all rooms.” Kana waves her arm in a circle before pointing to my left. “Down here is more patients rooms and a supply closet. But your room...” She snaps her finger and throws her thumbs over her shoulders. “Your room is this way.”

I shoot Kana a confused look. “What’s with the arm waving and stuff?”

Kana drops to a neutral expression and shrugs. “Ehh I thought it would make the tour a little more flashy. It’s not an exciting place.”

“Well I appreciate the effort.” I give her as big a smile as I can manage.

The smile on Kana’s face quickly surpasses my own. “Let’s go find your room.” She spins on her heel and continues on forwards with the hallway taking a quick right-hand turn.

We start down the hallway and I notice that the doorways are only on the left, leaving the right wall blank. We’ve only passed two room when Kana stops and chimes “Nakai, Hisao. Here we are!”

I take a look next to her and sure enough there’s a nameplate labeling my room. I check the rooms next to mine and they seem to be missing nameplates, however the first room we past seems to have one. “Do I not have any neighbors?”

Her face turns to a thoughtful one. “Well just the guy at the beginning of the hall, but the rest of this wing was empty when you came in and we try to give people the most amount of space and privacy possible.”

“That makes sense.” I scan the hallway wall again to be sure there really are no nameplates.

“What are you sad you’re not going to have anyone to play with?” Her face contorts into a playful grin.

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then why the forlorn look?” I look directly at Kana, she looks concerned.

“Hmm I didn’t realize I was making a face.”

“Don’t avoid the question, Hisao.” She crosses her arms and continues to stare at me concerned.

I let out an exasperated sigh before replying. “It’s just that the isolation brings me back to.. well.. this.” I point to my heart as I drop my head. I still don’t like thinking about it.

“Pshhh.” Startled, I look up at Kana. “You think you’re gunna be isolated here? Not on my watch.” I open my mouth to speak but she cuts me off. “I’ll be bothering you all the time, that’s my job after all!” She puts on a toothy grin. I’ve seen that smile before.

“Great, I’m looking forward to it.” I return her smile.

Kana gasps. “Is that sarcasm I hear, Hisao?” Her expression is of feigned concern.

I chuckle a bit before saying, “Maybe.”

“Well who knew you had a sense of humor?”

“Very funny, Kana.” I give her an unamused look.

She laughs and looks right at me. “It’s not like I’ve seen your humorous side since you’ve been here.”

That reminds me exactly how I’ve treated her since I’ve been here. I need to apologize.

“Actually Kana, about that.. Back in Dr. Matsudaira’s office I remembered that I-” I’m interrupted by a grumbling sound. I look down at the source, my stomach. I look up to see Kana covering her mouth obviously giggling.

“Sounds like you should get something to eat. Although you may want to change out of the night clothes at some point.”

I look over what I’m wearing and it seems to be a normal outfit of grey bottoms with a white top. “These are pajamas?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much all you’ve worn since you’ve been here.”

“So how can I get some other clothes?”

Kana looks at me with a face of confusion. Her mouth starts fidgeting around like she’s searching for the words. “Please tell me you’re kidding?”

Well that’s not what I expected. I sheepishly avert my eyes before replying, “Uhmm… no?”

Kana starts laughing and says “Come on, I’ll show you” before walking into my room. I look around as we walk in and it looks much the same as before, except it looks like someone has cleaned up my breakfast. I wonder what time it is anyways.

Kana walks over to the wall to the left of my desk. “All your clothes and essentials are right in here.”

I look at Kana and then back at the wall. Then I start looking over the entire room. Have I lost it? Is there an invisible dresser somewhere?

“Hisao, what are you looking for? I said it’s all right here.” She emphasizes the point by placing her hand on the wall.

I decide staring at her dumbfounded is the best course of action and put on the most confused face I can.

“Did you not know your closet was right here?” She pushes her hand along the wall and it slides away revealing what appears to be a closet somewhat. There are clothes hung up and shelves built into the wall.

“I can honestly say I did not.” I step forward intrigued about the contents of the closet. As well as trying to figure out where the handle is on the sliding door. There seems to be quite a lot of clothing in here, as well as slippers and undergarments. Functional, I guess. There also appears to be some extra blankets and sheets in here. Maybe this isn’t quite like prison.

“It should be everything you need clothing wise.” I turn to see Kana’s usual grin.

Suspecting she has something else to show me I reply, “so what about not clothing wise.”

Her face stretches into a toothy grin as she turns around and starts walking away. Like a clueless lapdog I follow her to the other side of the room. She walks a couple steps into the bathroom and points at the small vanity.

“All your toiletries and towels and stuff are in there,” she turns and starts to walk again before continuing, “and all the miscellaneous stuff like your alarm clock are in the drawer of your nightstand.” By the time she finishes talking we’re standing next to my bed. Her demeanor instantly changes upon looking at the night stand. She looks sad now, distraught almost.

Oh, right. She’s probably remembering why I have this crappy nightstand; remembering what I did to her. That’s not something I want to think about but I have to apologize.

“Kana…” She turns to face me and I drop my head, unable to face her. “In Doctor Matsudaira’s office I remembered a bit about what happened here the last few days…” I trail off trying to get my thoughts in order, “I remember what I—”

“Hisao.” Kana’s voice makes me bring my eyes up to meet hers . “You don’t have to—”

“No, Kana. I do have to. I feel terrible.” I hang my head again.

“It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t… you at the time.” She appears to gather her words. “I can’t blame you for what happened so you really don’t need to—”

Kana gets interrupted by the crackle of the overhead speakers.

“Nurse Kimura, please return to the nurse’s office. Nurse Kimura to the nurse’s office.”

She gives me a wistful look. “I’m sorry, Hisao. Looks like we’ll have to cut this short.” She shakes her head as if clearing her mind.

I think it worked, I see her normal grin start to form on her face again.

“I’ll see you later, Hisao.” She pats my shoulder and turns on her heel to walk out the door. As she’s closing it on her way out, she calls back to me, “And don’t forget to eat! It’s almost one!” With that, the door clicks shut.

I don’t think I’m in any mood to eat now. I fall backwards onto my bed and close my eyes. I need to come up with an apology. One I won’t stumble through. She deserves at least that much.

I try to clear my head again just like this morning as I slowly chant to myself, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” After a short while I can feel my stomach start to grumble, but I’m too comfortable and tired to go eat. I decide I’ll take a quick nap and grab food afterwards. I continue the chant mentally as I drift off into sleep.

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:31 pm

Which ending was followed during the KS time frame is something you'll pick up on in the story, I don't want to give too much away. I can say that the title is a big hint although before reading it might not be of that much help.
If the title is supposed to be a hint, I would have to guess Molly...

Not quite sure what to make of this yet, so I'll withhold further comment until there are more chapters.
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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by CozyRavioli » Wed Jun 14, 2017 7:03 pm

This is really fun so far. Lots of interesting things can happen in a loony bin, so I'm looking forward to Hisao potentially interacting with other patients.

The only thing I might say is that I had trouble picturing Kana-Banana because her appearance wasn't really described, but maybe you're concealing that for a reason, so that point might be irrelevant.
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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Oddball » Wed Jun 14, 2017 9:36 pm

Yeah. I'm with him. it's not badly written so far, but it's too soon to say more than that. I think I get the basics, but I'm not sure. Hisao is institutionalized(?) for being crazy(?) and has memory problems for some reason.

Other than that, I got nothing.
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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by brythain » Wed Jun 14, 2017 10:13 pm

Good job, all that scene-setting. Not sure what the difference would be with Hisao on his meds and Hisao off his meds, though. :)
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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Toothless » Thu Jun 15, 2017 1:18 am

Loving this so far. The hint about the page corner is a big tell.

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by QuietlySomething » Thu Jun 15, 2017 5:14 pm

Very intriguing start Zere! Seems like there are a lot of directions to go with this so it will be interesting to watch unfold.

I think I mentioned before that this premise is making me think of Legion :P

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Zerebos » Thu Jun 15, 2017 10:46 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:If the title is supposed to be a hint, I would have to guess Molly...

Not quite sure what to make of this yet, so I'll withhold further comment until there are more chapters.
That's what I was hoping people would guess :cool: Hopefully there will be a bit more details for you to comment on next chapter.
CozyRavioli wrote:This is really fun so far. Lots of interesting things can happen in a loony bin, so I'm looking forward to Hisao potentially interacting with other patients.
Thanks Cozy! :D Interactions are coming in the next part don't worry
CozyRavioli wrote:I had trouble picturing Kana-Banana
This will also be covered next time! I totally didn't forget :oops:
Oddball wrote: Hisao is institutionalized(?) for being crazy(?) and has memory problems for some reason.
Yes. He doesn't think so, but the voices in his head disagree. Memory problems will be an ongoing addressed issue this arc.
brythain wrote:Good job, all that scene-setting. Not sure what the difference would be with Hisao on his meds and Hisao off his meds, though. :)
Thanks, man! Hopefully we won't have to see him without his meds :wink:
Toothless wrote:Loving this so far. The hint about the page corner is a big tell.
Thank you, and welcome to the forums! The page corner is a huge hint about his past. But you didn't hear that from me! :lol:
QuietlySomething wrote:Very intriguing start Zere! Seems like there are a lot of directions to go with this so it will be interesting to watch unfold.

I think I mentioned before that this premise is making me think of Legion :P
Hey thanks, QS! I'm hoping I'll be able to keep people guessing. Hopefully it won't be too much like Legion, that would be an odd turn :shock:

Next part should be out by the end of the month, but I make no guarantees. Thanks everyone again for reading!

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by scratchminus » Fri Jul 14, 2017 5:40 pm

I'm already liking where this is going, especially because it feels like something pretty different compared to a lot of other fics out there. Kana seems like she's going to be an interesting character, so I'm looking forward to Hisao's future interactions with her. I also like the subtle nod to Hisao only having one other person living in the same hall as him like in Yamaku.

Overall a good start, can't wait to read more!

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Sharp-O » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:26 pm

An intriguing set-up to the story, Zerebos! Had me scratching my beard at the implications. I did notice one slight error (one I make all the time so I'm used to catching them) in the first post. Nothing major though. :) Can't wait to see how you fair with this.
Zerebos wrote:I decide to take the Kana’s advice

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Zerebos » Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:37 am

Thanks for the kind words to both of you!

Scratchy, I was doing my best to make sure it's a bit different than the norm, and good catch on the nod to Yamaku.

Sharp-O, if you're scratching your beard then I'm doing something right :D

Is it bad if it took me multiple reads of that to figure out the error? She is the Kana after all!

For everyone else, life just kinda piled on right after I posted this fic and it hasn't really stopped. Chapter 2 is pretty much done as long as I stop trying to rewrite it, I just really want to make sure the tone is consistent. Hopefully you'll see an update sometime soon—I really do want to continue this and keep everyone confused :lol:

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Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Post by Feurox » Sat Dec 29, 2018 7:17 pm

It seems that I've never given this fic a proper look. That's a shame, because what you've got here is really enjoyable. The premise is fascinating, and whilst as you acknowledge you have a proficiency for technical writing, it comes off as a strength as opposed to a weakness. There's something "detached" about Hisao's thoughts. I specifically like the uncanny feeling you create in the first part, with Hisao constantly being reassured that no-one thinks he's crazy.

I think that whilst these reassurances work to place suspicion on the situation Hisao finds himself in, Hisao's thoughts don't necessarily reflect this enough yet. We see the reassurance:

and I assure you I do not think you are crazy.

But Hisao doesn't acknowledge this. By this point, Hisao has made a point of not being crazy. He says as much to Kana. To which she responds, once again.

No one thinks you’re crazy

You would think, that given the striking nature of this remark and its repeition, Hisao would be truly bothered by it. But so far that doesn't seem to be the case.

I've listed that criticsm above to show how excellently you subvert it in the next section.

Whilst I still beleive that Hisao's mental status could detoriate slower over the course of this first part, and that would prove an even more intriguing set up for the premise you're clearly trying to pursue; the way you handle Hisao's panicked, disorientated episode at remembering his trauma is excellent. The set up goes from a sympathy with Hisao, the uncanny nature of these repetitions and His place in the world you've built (convincingly I might add,) to a sceptisism within the mind of the reader, a parallel of panic.

In short, I think this is a great start, and even if it doesn't continue the concept stands alone respectfully. As someone with one trauma under his belt, how does Hisao respond to another, one that doesn't affect his body, but his mind? Good work!

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