Petals in the Wind - A Miki Pseudo Route (Updated 05/21)

[ChaosSummons01]

SURPRISE BITCH, I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME!

Aaa, man it's been a long while hasn't it? For those who don't know, around a year ago I started a fanfic called Petals in the Wind. Unfortunately, my motivation died and along with college work, I simply couldn't continue at the time. Well, good news is! I'm back, I made a new thread because there's been a lot of changes to the original and additional scenes. But, with that said I do hope you all enjoy and any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Petals in the Wind - A Miki Pseudo-Route
"Can you accept your flaws?"

Act 2: Budding
-- Chapter 0: Misstep
-- Chapter 1: Torn Petals
-- Chapter 2: A Night on the Town
-- Chapter 3: The Stem
-- Chapter 4: The Hustle and Bustle
-- Chapter 5: Monday Blues

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-0: Misstep

I become increasingly desperate as Hanako becomes more and more blunt towards me. “Come on, you don’t have to be like that. I just want to spend some time with you. Lilly and I are worried, so…”

Hanako looks up at me, if only briefly with look of surprise on her face, mixed with an expression that is simply too hard to read. “You…talked to her?” she asks quietly.

I have to concentrate just to hear her now, making this whole situation even more awkward and tense. “Uh...yeah. We were...on the phone, just a little while ago. We’re both really worried about you,” I say quietly, fearing that talking too loudly would startle her into collapse.

Hanako mumbles something to herself again, so quietly that I can no longer hear. It’s making this increasingly disturbing. I speak softly in a confused tone. “Hanako...?”

She speaks again, raising her voice just enough for me to hear. “I’m telling you...please, go away. You don’t understand anything…” Her tone is more firm now, even in her hushed state.

Once again, I find myself getting desperate, feeling as if she is slipping through my fingers like smoke as I feebly try to catch her with my bare hands. “If we just had a talk, you could tell me what I don’t understand. I just want to protect you, I don’t really see…” I end prematurely, realising that what I’m saying is having no effect on her.

“Get....out, p-please…” she whispers, being as firm as I think is possible for her even through her minor stuttering.

I try once more to get through to her. “Just locking yourself in your room again isn’t going to help anything, Hanako. Please…”

Silence.

“Hanako, I just want to help you-

She interrupts me mid-plea as she suddenly leapt up from her bed, turning to me with an expression that takes me completely off guard. “Get out of my room, get out of my room, get out of my room...!” she yells at me with such force that, for the first time in a long time, I feel genuinely frightened. I...I have no idea how to react to this, and from Hanako of all people.

“Leave! I’m telling you, go!” Hanako practically screams at me. Any fear in her voice having completely vanished, replaced by only her growing anger.

I am still reeling as I utter the only words flowing through my head. “B-but...I was just trying to...help you…” The words come out just as quietly as Hanako had been before, unable to raise my voice any higher.

“I know I need help! I know I’m broken! I don’t need you to tell me that!” she shouts, standing firm as I take a step backwards out of shock and fear.

“I never said you were broken, or anything like that!” I try to reason, using all my strength just to raise my voice even close to her level of volume right now.

“It’s written on your face, it’s written on Lilly’s face, it’s written on everyone’s faces!” she yells. “I see a therapist every week, Lilly dotes on me as if I were her child, and now...even you! Nothing’s changed, nothing at all! I hate Lilly and I...I hate you more than anyone…!” Her face moves in strange, almost grotesque ways. I’ve never seen someone completely lose it before, but it looks like the usually quiet and withdrawn girl in front of me is going into just such a destructive cycle before my eyes. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what I should say or do. “Go! Leave me alone! Get out of here!”

I take a step back, then another, and then another. My retreat is only halted when I feel the door against my back. I can’t fix this situation. Nothing I say would change anything, now. I feel like I’m in a strange and deeply unsettling foreign world. I don’t want to be here any more. The handle fights my clumsy attempts to open the door without turning my back to Hanako. Eventually, thankfully, the handle moves downwards. I open the door as fast as I can and almost leap backwards through it. As I go through, I keep my eyes on the girl in front of me. No doubt a look of terror on my face.

She’s not broken. Hanako isn’t broken. If she was broken, then I’m just as broken as broken as she is after all that’s happened to me. Lilly only ever did the best for her, and I only ever tried to protect her as best I could.

Hanako looks down, all her energy spent. Now that I’ve stepped out of her room, the worst of her fury is gone. But even now, I can’t bring myself to argue with her. It’s not just the deep shock at what she said...it feels like something else is stopping me. Something deep, that makes me feel physically sick.

Without a word, I slowly shut the door. The creak of the old hinges sounds almost deafening.

With a final thud, the wooden door closes. The Hanako that I felt I knew disappears behind it, and only faint orange slivers of light peek around the very edges. I feel numb. Without anything else to do, I begin the walk back to my dormitory room, mechanically placing one foot in front of the other while barely registering a thing around me.

My mind keep ticking, questioning everything that I thought I knew about Hanako.

But one thing is not questioned; shutting that door brought a close to more than just that single visit.

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-1: Torn Petals

The alarm cuts through the deafening silence of my dorm room like a knife through butter, telling me it’s time for another day of lessons. What it doesn’t do, however, is awaken me. I've not slept at all.

My mind has been racing from the events of yesterday evening and hasn’t stopped since; I get the feeling that if I did, I’d shut down completely and never wake up again.

It just all feels surreal, like some demented fever dream, as if I’ll wake up to the same ceiling and it will all have been only a nightmare. But no, this is painfully real. Hanako really did say those things last night, really did say she hated me.

Part of me just wants to curl up in my bed and never leave, while another part is begging myself to wake up and see Hanako, giving that soft sweet smile... I shake my head quickly, trying to get that image out of my head. What happened last night has ruined whatever friendship I had with her, and I have no one to blame for that but myself.

Even though my mind is still churning in overdrive however, my body is completely fatigued, only barely responding to the commands I give it. I slowly pull myself upright. A cold shower. That’s what I need.

I almost don’t take my pills, justifying this as punishment for what I caused. Thankfully I come to my senses, realising that harming myself is not going to benefit anyone. I choke down the pills without water and stumble out with their bitter taste in my mouth. My only goal now is to remain awake enough not to collapse halfway through lessons.

********

The shower does helps a little, if only to get my body to move in sync with me rather than lagging behind. But it all means nothing now that I’m walking into the main building. Despite all the thinking I’ve done, I forgot to acknowledge the fact that Hanako is in my class, which I account to her lack of presence in the class most of the time. Even with how unlikely it is she’d come to classes at all today, it terrifies me even thinking about facing her after what happened. As I ascend the flights of steps towards the third floor, my mind goes through many possibilities on what to do.

I’m seriously thinking about not going to classes and just hiding on the roof for the day, one eye on the door in case Hanako steps through and I have to dive off the roof. Now I’m starting to sound like Kenji, so I’d better not do that...

Maybe it won’t be so bad? Maybe she’ll regret getting mad and try to apologise for yesterday, even if she doesn’t have anything to apologise for… In fact I don’t think I could look at her at all if she even tried to do that…

Hell, I should be apologising to her! But...that still brings up the issue of what would I even say to her? Hey, I’m sorry for babying you to the point that you think you’re broken? Yes, I’m sure that will just go swimmingly.

Alright, thinking isn’t working, I just gotta get to class! I’ll deal with it as it comes.

I try to push the thoughts tearing away at me to the back of my mind and head to my classroom.

********
Like I thought, Hanako isn’t here yet, though she does turn up to lessons late as well so I keep my wits about me for the moment, keeping one eye on the door.

I check Hanako’s vacant desk as well, probably more times than I’d like to admit, worried that she might suddenly appear while I’m not looking. She has a tendency to do that even when I was looking forward to seeing her.

As I’m preparing to look towards the door and her desk again, my vision is blocked by someone. My instincts kick in, my heart nearly leaping out my throat in fear of that person being Hanako. I barely stop myself from falling off in my seat in fright, only just catching myself as the person who is blocking my view, Miki Miura, gives me a typical grin. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, I didn’t know I had it in me,” she says teasingly.

I quickly calm back down and try to engage in the first real conversation I’ve had since yesterday. “Oh, hey Miki.” I say calmly, or at least, I think I do. It’s a little hard to tell when you’re listening more what’s on your mind, rather than what’s coming out my mouth.

It seems to work, as Miki doesn’t seem to pick up that anything is the matter, continuing her conversation on. “Maybe you should grab somethin’ to eat, I can hear your stomach growling from my desk.”

I look away from her, hiding a grimace on my face. I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday, since I didn’t get any dinner because I was distracted by my call with Lilly and what happened with Hanako. Then I didn’t eat breakfast today because I just really didn’t feel like eating anything, I’m really starting to feel hungry, and apparently, people are starting to hear it as well.

Miki seems to take amusement in my reaction, as she can’t see the face I’m pulling and hops onto my desk, body facing towards the window and head turned to look at me. Her grin as she sits on it reminds me of the Cheshire Cat. “So, whatcha’ workin’ on?” she asks, leaning over to check the books I had pulled out to distract myself.

“Some math,” I lie, I haven’t actually looked at the book once. “I have a decent handle on it, but I just wanted to revise.”

“Oh really? Lemme see that,” she says quickly. Before I can’t object she grabs my mathematics book with her hand. She scans the page I so happened to open onto, holding it open with the one hand she has, her left arm sitting uselessly on her lap.

In my time here at Yamaku, I’ve noticed that the other students have a wide range of adjustment to their disabilities, on a purely practical level. Miki is one of those who seems to have trouble. The stump of her left arm tends to be either hanging by her side, slipped into a pocket, or otherwise put out of the way. Sometimes she has a difficult time doing common tasks, which makes her visibly quite frustrated. I feel a little bad for her and quickly catch myself doing it, what I don’t need right now is worrying about someone else. Still, I’m thankful that I don’t have a disability affecting my freedom of movement to that extent.

Then again...if Miki’s problem worsened, at least she wouldn’t have a real possibility of dying.

My attention is pulled away from my thoughts and back onto Miki as she thumbs through a few pages, skimming their contents. With such a casual interest in the subject, if that, it’s clear by now that she won’t be any help in my attempt to distract myself with revision. “I’m guessing you’re not too interested in this stuff?” I ask as she closes the book.

She quickly shakes her head, but gives me another grin. “Screw math. It’s boring as hell!” she declares loudly.

She puts the book back in front of me with indifference. Her eyes move to the notebook beside it that I normally use to write down practice equations when actually revising. She looks up at me with a bit of surprise. “Wait you’re actually able to work this stuff out?”

“Yeah,” I say bluntly, not really sure how else to respond to her question.

Miki continues on regardless. “Wow. I’ve never talked to a computer on legs before.”

“Thanks...I think,” I reply, unsure whether her comment was meant to be taken as a compliment, an insult or both. “At least I’m doing better in this than history,”

“Think it’s worth asking that librarian for help? I heard she’s shooting for uni.”

“Ah, Yuuko?” I ask, Yuuko is a possibility for helping with history but...going to the library right now fills me with so much fear I think I’d bolt before I could even start to talk to her. The thought of seeing Hanako after last night just...frightens me. “I uh, maybe, I don’t know what she wants to study in history though.” I’m making excuses, since it wouldn’t be hard to ask her what she’s studying.

Keen to move on from this subject, I turn the questions back on Miki. “So what about you? Got anything you’re thinking of doing after you graduate?”

She tilts her head for a second, thinking. “Me? Nah, not really, just enjoying it while it lasts.” She looks a little awkward when asked about her future, and absentmindedly rubs her left forearm. I kind of want to ask her about it, but I stop myself, realising I’m falling into the same thing that caused what happened yesterday.

The conversation peters out, and I lean back in my chair, giving up on the prospect of studying to distract myself. Miki notices my tired expression and looks oddly serious.

“Thinking about Hanako?” she asks.

A lump forms in my throat, a strained sort of cough being the only sound between us for just long enough that Miki notices my hesitation. I try to play the question off. “Nah, not really, just tired is all.”

Miki looks unconvinced however. “You’ve been glancing at her seat, and you’ve been pretty quiet and jumpy. Not too hard to connect the dots,” she states, locking me out of getting through this easily.

“I...well, see..” I start, fumbling with my words in an attempt to lie my way out. But soon, I sigh. It’s pretty damn obvious I’m hiding something about Hanako. I might as well tell her before she tries to make assumptions. “We...we had an argument, a big one, so big I don’t think I can look at her without feeling like the worst human being alive,” I finally admit. “Please don’t tell anyone else I said that, I don’t really want this becoming gossip..”

Miki sat silently for a moment, looking unsure how to continue. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting me to say that, and I’ve probably just made things more awkward by saying that. Eventually though, she speaks up. “I won’t say anythin’, and I won’t ask what happened, since it sounds like it’s been pretty rough on you.”

I give her a smile at that, appreciating the privacy she’s giving me. “Thanks, Miki. Sorry to pull the conversation down like that.”

She shakes her head. “It’s fine! I can’t say you aren’t allow to be upset because of something like that. But, if you want a way to try and get your mind off it for a while, me and the track team are going into the town for a night out, just a little get together, y’know. You could tag along if you wanted, be my plus one.”

I’m surprised by the sudden invitation, since I was fully expecting this conversation to just end awkwardly. I consider my options briefly, I could either go out and try to distract myself for the night with a bunch of people, including Miki. Or, I could stay inside and get another sleepless night. Yeah, this is a no brainer. “Sure I guess, if you don’t mind. What sort of time were you looking at leaving?”

Looking pleased with my response, she gives a more genuine smile, it’s quite cute actually. “Great! We’re gonna be meetin’ at the front gate for around five, so everyone can change and shower, you know. Then we’ll just be walking down from there, it’s not too far, maybe a ten minute walk? Sound good?”

I nod in agreement. “Sounds good. I’ll see you there then?”

She nods back, hoping off my table as Mutou walks in, late, as per usual. “Yeah! Don’t be late!” she exclaims, wandering back over to her desk and slumping into her chair.

An evening in the town with the track team? Well, there’s definitely worse ways to spend an evening, that’s for sure.

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-2: A Night on the Town

Lessons went by without too much issue, I still looked back at Hanako’s desk probably way too much, but like I thought she didn’t come to the lessons that day.

That being said, I now have something to look forward to, rather than fearing just what my mind will come up with tonight. I change from my uniform into something more casual, freshening myself up before leaving the dorms. As I’m leaving, I note that it’s been a while now since I last saw Kenji and catch myself wondering if he’s vanished to go on a quest against feminism or something. Nah, he’s probably just locked himself in his room again. I hope anyway...

Pushing that from my mind, I walk down the path towards the main gate. I’m aiming to be there earlier than the time Miki said, as I don’t wanna be the last there. It’s already bad enough that out of the entire track team, I only know two of them, Miki and Emi. And even then I haven’t really spoken to Emi much since I stopped running with her in the morning. I’m sure that’ll come up if I see her..

Honestly my entire interaction the track team has been me watching them from afar a couple of times, and talking to Miki. But, I did agree, and I’m sure Miki wouldn’t have invited me if everyone was going to be awkward around me. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

Continuing forward, I eventually find the front gate coming into view. I check my phone quickly to confirm I’m early and slowly walk over. I find that a few guys already standing around, some leaning against the wall in what I assume is an attempt to look cool, while the others are chatting to each other, likely about their lessons or day in general.

I recognise a few faces from back at the boys dormitories, seeing a number of them in passing while going about my business. Nods are about all that I’ve exchanged with them though, guess I only have myself to blame for that.

As I approach the crowd, I spot Miki standing next to a tall looking guy with slick black hair that looks combed back to keep it manageable. Miki turns away from her conversation with him when she spots me, waving and motioning me to join her.

I hesitate for a moment, but think better of it, giving her a smile. I can’t help but notice the clothes she wearing to go out in. She is wearing a black leather jacket over her shoulders, open loosely with a plain white shirt underneath. To complete the outfit, she is also wearing a set of dark blue jeans and black trainers, she isn’t wearing much in the range of accessories either, just a simple silver necklace. The entire things makes her look much more boisterous than most girls her age and allows her fit in perfectly with the many guys around her. I can’t deny that it looks pretty attractive on her.

She speaks up as I reach her. “Hey! You did come in the end, great!” she says with a great deal of enthusiasm. I’ve gotta admit, it makes me feel wanted, which after what happened, is probably the best thing she could do. She turns back to the man she was speaking to previously. “This is the guy I talking to you about.” She looks back at me, throwing a casual hand in the direction of the tall man. “Hisao, this is Kenta, the track team captain.”

I can’t lie and say I’m not a tiny bit intimidated by that title. I’m not sure whether it’s harsh to assume someone like that would be the rough and tough, but whatever was going through my head was immediately cancelled out when Kenta addressed me. “A pleasure, a pleasure! Miki here already told me you were coming, so I’ll make sure the boys don’t leave you out!” he said enthusiastically, catching me off guard enough that Miki notices and tries to stifle a laugh.

Out of humiliation from her laughing, I try to play it off like nothing happened. “Ah, thanks, I won’t stop you from doing what you normally do, I’m just here for the ride.”

Kenta claps once, smiling. “Excellent! Once we’re all here we’ll be headed down to the local izakaya, Jinru Roku. It’s a great little place, and…” He leant over, speaking in a hushed tone as if someone were listening into our conversation. “It’s owned by my uncle, no need for fake ID or anything, drinks all around!” he proclaims loudly, earning quite the enthusiastic cheer from the group. With that, the group of mainly guys began moving off down the hill.

I follow behind, Miki slowing her pace so that she could walk besides me, apparently still entertained by my reaction to Kenta, despite my best efforts. “Yeah, he’s a really great guy, imagine him as a dad. He takes care of us all when he can, betcha thought he was gonna be really gruff didn’t you?”

I sigh, but can’t help but laugh slightly myself at her accurate prediction. “Yeah, something like that, guess I was pleasantly surprised,” I lament, letting my eyes wander to the others in the pack. Most were in small packs all happily chatting away, with the others making challenges to get down the hill the fastest, it only made sense, considering which club I was with. As much as I’ve been complaining about this whole thing, about being awkward, this feels...nice. For the first time since I’ve got here, I’m part of a group that is made up of more than two people, and walking down this hill with a pack is a totally different feeling to alone or with just one other person. I do however notice the lack of a certain twin-tailed girl. “Hey, Miki? if this is a meetup for the track team, I’m surprised Emi isn’t here.”

The girl next to me simply sighs. “We tried to get her to come, but that girl is so stubborn! She is still running around the track! I get training, but she does it at every waking minute..”

“That...sounds like Emi yeah,” I agree. “Did you know she was trying to get me to run? Or was that just her own thing?”

Miki stretched arms up toward the sky, before resting them against the back of her head casually. “Nah, that was her thing, I think I heard she wanted a running partner though. I kinda thought about doing it myself, but well, I explained that I don’t get along with girls really, right?”

I nod, remembering back to our first conversation watching the track team. “Yeah, and you get along better with guys right?”

“Yep! Reason for that is because girls...well fight, like, all the time, and we hold grudges. I kinda just gave up on making friends with them, boys are way easier to talk to! If you have an argument with a guy, you’ll be fine the next day! Which sucks because I’m not a guy!” she bemoans, kicking some dust up as we walk down the hill.

I give a small laugh at her complaint against gender, she’s like a rational, justified Kenji about this. What a horrifying thought..

While her explanation is a little crude, what she’s saying makes sense, though I’m probably not the best person to ask, since I’ve been friends with maybe five girls and well...it didn’t end well for me, twice now actually. Sure, it was my fault the second time, but her talk about grudges definitely makes sense. It makes me worried about what will happen with Hanako, as up until now, I’ve been scared more because I don’t think I’d be able to look at her if she talked to him. But at the same time, if she ignores me even if I tried to apologise, that might hurt even more.

Apparently Miki had noticed my mood changing as my mind drifts, quickly elbowing me in the arm to grab my attention. “Hey, chin up yeah? I promise this place we’re going to is great, it’ll keep you distracted from any issues you’ve got going on.”

I nod, shaking off the thoughts of Hanako as we reach the bottom of the hill. I wonder how she knows that it’ll keep me distracted. Talking from experience maybe?

********
It’s not long before I find myself outside the izakaya that Kenta had mentioned, a large red sign adorned by lanterns, lighting the immediate area surrounding them in the setting sun. On the sign was the words ‘Jinru Roku’ spelled out in large white kanji. I have to admit, it looks humble and welcoming from the outside.

The group enters the wooden doors and packs inside, quickly creating a full house from the size of both our group and the izakaya itself. Much like the outside, the inside is adorned with traditional lanterns and standard lights hanging from above, giving a dim but ambient glow to the red walls surrounding us. To the back of the building is a large counter with several seats lined up next to it, alcohol lined up on the back wall, ready to be served to the sudden influx of patrons. Closer to me is two large tables lined up next to each other with more seats. The track team begins taking what I can only assume is their tradition seats, with me awkwardly following behind Miki in the hopes that there will be a seat left for me.

When Miki finds a single available seat, my heart drops as I glance around nervously for a place to sit myself. What I don’t expect is that once the others notice me, all at once, they stand up and move one left, except for Miki, freeing up a seat for me. In my surprise, I take a little while to sit down at all, giving everyone who moved a bow as I still myself down. Miki gives me a smile. “See? They aren’t as bad as you think, in fact they’re sweethearts once you get to know them.”

I feel a bit bad about assuming things again, knowing that this is the second time that I’ve been caught out by that. I shake it off, deciding to roll with it as I glance at Miki. “Is it the same for you? Or do you just stay as a teaser?” I ask with a teasing grin myself.

She looks at me with a faux offended face. “How dare you! Anyone around you will tell you I’m the biggest sweetheart here.”

I take a look at the people sat around us, all of whom are either snickering or are simply shaking their heads. It all but confirms what I need to know as I let out a laugh. Miki looks unimpressed. “Guuuuys, you’re supposed to back me up,” she moans, slumping in her seat.

One of the guys sat opposite with longer brown hair begins to address me personally. “Trust me, she’s always gonna be like that. Same for her rivalry stuff as well, she doesn’t like to admit it, but she’s super jealous that she’s the second fastest in the track team, rather than the first. I don’t even think Emi’s aware of it though. Jushiro by the way,” he greets. It’s now I notice the black eyeguard wrapped around his left eye. It’s a little jarring to look at, but I quickly push past it.

“Hisao,” I nod back. “Nice to meet you, and second fastest? Isn’t there some sorta masculine pride issue about both fastest and second fastest being girls?”

He gives a short chuckle at that. “Oh believe me there is, third fastest is Madarame over there.” He pointed out a particularly lanky fellow from the other table, distracted by his conversation with Kenta, both of them laughing as the first round of drinks found their way to the tables. “He’s always trying to beat Emi and Miki, but he just can’t seem to do it, annoys him to no end.”

I try to imagine the scene of Emi running without a care in the world, Miki behind her running to try and catch up, Madarame behind her doing the same thing, it has to be said the thought is amusing. “So, second fastest eh?” I say back to Miki, who had grabbed a simple bottle of beer from the bar, taking a swig, a relaxed sigh afterwards. “Yeah, yeah. But trust me, she’s like a speed demon. ‘Fastest thing on no legs’ she calls herself, can’t really say she doesn’t live up to that either.”

“Ah, yeah I’ve seen her in action, only on her training runs mind, so I dunno if she’s even faster at proper events. Still!” I pep up. “At least you can proclaim to me the fastest thing on two legs at Yamaku.”

She lightly punches me in the shoulder, giggling all the while. “Yeah, guess I could say that, wonder if Emi would see it as a challenge...heh, probably.”

With that, my conversational banter between Jushiro and Miki continue as the group piles on the drinks. I’ve gotta admit, this is way more fun that I was expecting. I might have even made a couple of friends aside from Miki.

That being said however, the team has been getting more rowdy with more drinks, it’s only to be expected, they’re having a good time. I’d drink myself, but I’d like to sit this one out, watch these guys do their thing. Next to me, Miki has become a lot more vocal about her feelings towards things. “And what’s with Madarame anyway!? He’s always following me, maybe he’s some kinda stalker!” she accuses, throwing back her head to down the rest of what I think is her sixth bottle of the night, a small goofy grin adorning her face. She isn’t plastered by any means, but it’s clear she’s not sober either. She goes on another tangent. “Geh, stupid arm, always holding me back. I had trouble opening a jar today! A freaking jar!” she complains loudly to no one in particular. I take some interest in the subject matter.

In the time I’ve been at Yamaku, I’ve noticed a change in how I see people’s disabilities, going from shock and awe to feeling bad for those with visible injuries, like Hanako. I mentally berate myself for bring her up again, but continue on anyway. If I was friends with them, I wanted to try helping them in anyway I could, I did it for both Lilly and Hanako, it just that with Hanako...because I liked her so much, I wanted to help in everyway I could…

But with Miki and for that matter, everyone here, I feel different. After what happened, I don’t want to get involved in their issues, just get to know them as people. Maybe that’ll be easier.

I check the time and realise it’s 10:34, past curfew. I never intended to stay this long, but as I got to know the guys around me, Jushiro, the guy wearing a beanie on the other side of me by the name of Ayuta and of course, the girl on my left, Miki.

I notice that some of the guys begins to get up, planning on making the journey to leave now. With them, most down the rest of the respective drinks and follow suit, Ayuta slapping a hand on my shoulder as I stand up. “You should come hang out more often man. You’re a pretty fun guy, way better than some of the other guys in our dorm!” he says, without a hint of sarcasm I must add.

I can’t help but feel a little warm inside at the compliment. I feel like I belong somewhere with these guys. As Miki said, they’re actually pretty awesome when you get to know them. I give a grin to him. “Sure, I’ll come along, maybe next time I’ll actually get something to drink. Oh and, what other people are you talking about?”

He folds his arm and brings a hand to a chin in an attempt to look thoughtful. “Ah you know, the crazies, conspiracy theorists, women haters, that type.”

It doesn’t take long from me to put two and two together on who he might be talking about. “...Kenji?”

He lets out a chuckle. “Oh, you know him huh? Yeah he’s a bit of a wacko, tries to act friendly to loads of us, we’re constantly avoiding him most of the time.”

“Know him!?” I quickly outburst. “I have to live opposite him! Count yourself lucky you don’t have to hear his voice every morning, or share a bathroom with him! ‘Hey man, can I borrow some money? It’s for taking down the evils of feminism!’” I quickly change to nasally voice, doing my best impression of Kenji that I can.

This earns a hearty laugh from Ayuta. “Oh god, I feel bad for you dude, how you’re gonna survive that is well beyond me.” Before the conversation can continue though he’s called off by another one of his friends. With a quick wave, he dashes off to chat to them, leaving me with Miki being the last out of the building.

********
Going up the hill was somehow also more entertaining than coming down. Kenta had somehow roped at least half the track team to singing the school’s anthem, marching up the hill as if we were going to war. I confess that I might have joined in as well, which is probably bad considering I haven’t even drank. Ah well.

As we get to the top of the hill, something very interesting happens. Right at the front of the group, Madarame quickly shouts to the rest of us. “It’s the security, everyone scramble!”

With that, the entire group falls into complete anarchy, all charging the front gate at the same time, screaming all the while. I don’t wanna imagine how many people we are waking up, but right now I don’t care so much, running with the crowd. I feel childish in a way, like I’m running away from the monsters chasing us. As I slow to the back of the group, I feel my heart race for a moment, I try to ignore it, hoping I can at least last long enough to get to the dorms.

I spot Miki, who I’m surprised to see isn’t right at the front running past enough, instead, she grins at me and grabs my arm. “C’mon Hisao! Gotta keep up!” With that, she drags me along fast enough that I have to break into a run again, only stopping when the dorms come into view.
As we reach the doors separating the girls and boys form, I stop for a moment to catch my breath, placing a hand on my chest to check my heart. I can feel it racing erratically. I try not to panic as I begin breathing deeply, feeling each beat of my heart slowly return to normal. Or at least as normal as it can be.

Miki looks at me with concern, but I put a hand up to tell her I’m fine. “Oh man...that was great. Gotta do that again at some point..” I pant, my heart may be okay now, but I’m still completely worn out by the sudden strain on my legs.

Of course Miki looks completely fine, not even breathing from her mouth yet. “Yeah! You gotta, I told you it was great fun! We do that almost every week, sometime more than once, I’ll tell you if we do it again soon!”

I give a happy nod. “Yeah please do, you were right, it did help distract me,” I admit, it feels a little hard to say, knowing it might remind me of Hanako all over again, but it’s the truth.

“Told ya that as well!” She stifles a yawn as she finishes her sentence. “Well, I’d better get some shut eye, I’ll chat to you tomorrow in class, Hisao!” With that, her hand raises up, she jogs over to the girls dorms and disappears inside.

I’m left standing there for a couple of moments longer, watching her go. When she completely disappears, I head back into the boys dorms and up to my room, not even bothering to take off the clothes I have. I just about remember to throw back my evening pills before collapsing onto my bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall fast asleep, not even a moment's thought to the events last night.

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-3: The Stem

Through the rest of the week, things remained normal for me, if a bit hard to get used to. With Lilly on her holiday until this evening and Hanako still having not come back to classes, as well as still freaking out about if I should try to talk to her, I’ve had to entertain myself at lunch. I’d hang out with Miki, but she does training at lunch, so that’s a no sell. I’ve had to make do with eating lunch in the classroom. It’s nice in a way, since I can read my book and listen to the ambience of my class. When Misha and Shizune aren’t in the room anyway, in that case I try to make myself as little as possible so they won’t pester me about student council stuff.

Outside of that, during the evenings I’ve started going to the common room now. Not so much because I wanna watch the TV there, my months in the hospital knocked that out of me. But Jushiro and Ayuta hang out there, so I find myself just chatting to them, the TV being more background noise. It’s been good talking to them, it made me realise that aside from the very rare moment when I was able to discuss something with Kenji, I’ve been interacting with just girls. That’s not entirely a bad thing, but it’s good to have some variety now.

Right now however, I’m in class. It’s the first lesson of the day and it’s math. For me that’s absolutely fine as math is one of my strongest subjects. Everytime I look over to Miki however, I see her either slumped in her chair, wracking her brain over an equation or her head simply rested on the desk like she’s given up on life. It’s enough to make me laugh to myself, though not enough that the teacher notices.

Up until this point, I’d to say I’ve almost been able to get past what happened on Tuesday night. By no means have I been able to forget it, but it seemed like I was getting adapted to dealing with it. That is until right now, the door opening is usually a standard reason for the entire class to look around. I’m no different, but it’s only for a moment, a flash of dark hair is all I need to see before I’m almost slamming my head into the desk not to look again. Hanako.

If we weren’t in the middle of class, I’d likely be cursing right now, how did I think I’d get over it so quickly? I was in love with her for god sakes!

I feel a wave of guilt and regret wash over me as I watch Hanako quietly move to her desk, the rest of the class paying no mind to her once they found out it was just her. I feel like I should be just trying to do the work and block it out, but I simply can’t. I find myself locking up entirely, simply staring at my desk. Honestly I’m not sure how long I stayed like that. Long enough that I hear the bell ring for first recess.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I told myself to stay behind, just to see if Hanako would talk to me, trying to reassure myself that maybe this had all blown over and I was simply being paranoid.

I very nervously glance back at Hanako’s desk, only to find her already gone. In some ways, I’m relieved, as I still don’t think I could handle looking her in the eye. Yet I’m also downtrodden by it, knowing that Hanako is probably regretting what happened just as much as I am. Yet...I can’t bring myself to talk to her. I saw a different side of her that night and it scared me. Not only that but I feel like I betrayed her, because she was right. I did baby her, I always tried to protect her because I thought she couldn’t handle it, even if she tries to tell me different now, I know what she said was the truth.

It’s only now that I realise a certain pinked haired girl is looking at me, a look of genuine worry on her face. It makes me realise I probably look terrible just staring at things. I could see Shizune also looking at me, the same concern poorly hidden on her face. “Hicchan, are you okay? You look like you’re about to faint...~”

I try and wave of their concerns. “I’m fine, just a little distracted is all, nothing to worry about.” I lie, I feel bad for telling such a two-faced like to Misha and Shizune like this, but I just don’t want them getting involved in this. Not that I don’t think they can help, but…

Misha puts her hands on her hips with a more stern look on her face. “It has to be more than that, Hicchan. Is it to do with Hanako?~”

I falter quickly at her name coming up yet again. I sigh. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” With that, I figure out why I don’t want their help, it’s nothing to do with the fact it’s Misha and Shizune. I’d say the same to anyone, it’s just that...I don’t wanna get involved with people’s issues anymore, not after how badly it backfired for me, So I want the reverse to be true. I’d prefer just to deal with this myself. Miki is the only person I told because she’s knows the whole truth of the matter, at least with others, they don’t know about my crush on her.

With that, I stand up from my desk. “Sorry, I’ve gotta get going. Gotta grab my lunch for today, you know.” I lie. I might want to deal with this by myself, but I don’t want to come off as too rude to them either. I take my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I feel bad

I can see Shizune is signing up a storm once Misha translates what I say, but Misha herself only replies to me with, “If you’re sure, Hicchan..” I’m sure Shizune had a lot more to say on the matter, or maybe she was just being long winded in saying the same as Misha. I give a curt nod to both of them and take my leave, feeling Shizune’s analytical stare burning into my back.

********
The rest of my lessons go a little better than the first, though not by much. I’m able to distract myself from looking back at Hanako, but it’s only by thinking about other things. I try to do work, but everytime I do, my mind simply slips back into wanting to look back at her. I couldn’t help thinking at least a little about everything that’s happened. I’ve noticed that I’m trying desperately to get away from those few weeks I spent liking Hanako, trying not to think about her as much as possible. It’s probably bad of me to try and move on so suddenly, but it’s easier than trying to deal with it right now.

In the end I got almost nothing done. In most cases I wouldn’t be too mad about that, but the exams are coming up and I don’t want to fall behind because of something like this.

As the bell rings I give a sigh of contempt at myself, packing away my blank workbook. I’ll have to catch up in my own time, I’m sure it won’t be too hard. That said, I’ll do that next week, it’s the start of the three day weekend and I don’t really want to spend it revising or doing homework.

Of course I don’t actually have anything planned over the weekend, it’s more of an excuse to get out of homework. Or at least I didn’t have anything planned until Miki came over as bombastically as usual. “Hey, hey! How’d you get on with the work?”

I make a grimace as I fight the urge to look back at what’s caused my lack of work. “You know, alright, was a bit tired, so could have done more,” I lie.

She gives a smile at that. “Ah well, we all have off days, or lots of them in my case,” she remarks with a casual chuckle, before moving onto why she came over so suddenly. “So, I wanted to ask, you doin’ anything over the weekend?”

I’m adapted enough at talking to her that I’m not even surprised by her sudden question. I simply shrug. “Not really, just sleeping in, you know.” I kind of feel embarrassed to say it, but that’s the truth.

She gives a laugh at that, not a teasing one thankfully, I actually made her laugh with my joke. “Well, would you want to go into the city on sunday at about ten? I wanted to go in to do some shopping but I didn’t wanna go by my lonesome.”

I raise an eyebrow at her request. “What, you mean a date?” I tease, I don’t actually mean it, but for once I see Miki reel, even just for a moment.

“Oh, very funny. You know what I mean!” She gives me a light punch in the arm, to which I chuckle.

“No but seriously,” I then say. “I’ll be able to do that. I could do with getting some shopping in myself to be honest.”

She grins at me. “Great! I’ll meet you at the main gate again at ten on sunday then?”

I nod and stand up. “Yep, sounds good, I’ll try not to sleep in over that time.”

She gives a small laugh. “Yeah you’d better not! I’ll be waiting!” With that, she makes her exit from the classroom along with the other students, as she’s walking I spot a pleased smile on her face. I follow behind her once I check that I pack everything into my bag. My eyes can’t help but drift back over to Hanako’s desk, who has her face stuck in a book. I feel a heavy twinge in my heart as I pass by her, but also realise she is glancing at me from behind her book. Seems my guess on her being nervous to talk to me was spot on.

I try and push that out of my mind for now and walk down the third floor corridor. I quickly spot Jushiro amongst the crowd and fight my way over to him. I am quite surprised however when I see him walking with one hand on the railing and his other holding a cane not entirely different from the one I see Lilly using. I approach slowly, deciding not to tap him on the shoulder and instead just address him. “Hey, Jushiro.”

He jumps slightly at my voice, looking in my direction with a confused look on his face. It makes me feel kinda bad honestly. “Sorry, uh, not really good with associating voices to names,” he says, looking disappointed that he is unable to pick out my voice.

“Ah, sorry, it’s Hisao,” I say back to him, alleviating his face from confusion. Jushiro to me has always seemed to be the calmest of those in the track team, so it’s pretty easy for me to get along with him, since I’d like to say I’m pretty calm as well. Seeing him like this does make me feel bad for him though, since he looks particularly out of it.

“Oh, Hisao, sorry.” He pointed at the eye not currently hidden by his eyeguard. “Amaurosis Fugax, it’s a temporary blindness thing that comes up sometimes,” he explains. “It’s a nuisance when it happens, since it normally lasts a whole day. Right before the weekend as well. Typical,” he says with disdain. “Just wanted to explain, since I’m pretty sure you’d ask anyway.”
He’s not wrong about that unfortunately, but I move past that and try and get a conversation going. “I won’t ask about it then, don’t wanna bring down the conversation. You need any help getting to the dorms?”

He considers this for a moment, before giving a quick shrug and a nod. “If you could, that’d be helpful yeah.” With that, he raises his hand up and I move myself so he finds my shoulder as he walks. With a little more guidance, he perks up, moving the conversation on. “How’d your classes go today, Miki still giving you hell?” he says with a chuckle.

We begin walking down the stairs slowly, Jushiro taking careful care on each, it’s clear that he doesn’t have the building as committed to memory as Lilly does. It only makes sense, since he would rely on vision most of the time. “No more than usual, guess that isn’t saying much though, considering it’s Miki. I’m going into town with her now, that kinda just happened,” I reply. “What’s she like when she’s at the track?”

He gives the question a little thought before answering. “Well...to be completely honest, she’s completely different there. It’s kind of hard to explain, but you know how she drifts through everything right?”

We reach the bottom of the steps and begin walking towards the doors leading out into the summer sun. “Yeah, of course. It’s pretty plain to see she doesn’t exactly have a plan, she likes to coast through things right?”

He nods. “Right. But when she’s at the track, she acts completely differently. We joke about Miki a lot, but if I’m being honest, when we’re on the track, she is the biggest encouragement to us all. She’s extremely supportive even if she doesn’t show it away from the track. Kenta says she’s the most likely contender to become the next captain of the track team after him, since he says he’s passing on the role after summer.”

“Miki as the captain of the track team? Huh…” I try to imagine Miki in that situation. All I’m left with is an image of her egging everyone on to go faster. If this supportive side of Miki is real, I’ve never seen it. I can’t even imagine it.
Still though, Miki telling everyone what to do is kinda amusing to imagine. I can see her trying to bark commands and the rest of the team not listening before she gets huffy. Okay, I kinda wanna see that now.

Jushiro takes my silence as me not believing that Miki could be like that, and to be fair, he’s not wrong. “You should come down sometime and see, honestly,” he pauses for a moment, considering something. “Actually, that is a question, have you even considered joining the track team?”

We’ve just got outside when I stop quickly, looking with a face of utter confusion. “Uh, that’s probably not the best idea. My heart is kinda not up to that sorta thing anymore,” I say bluntly. It’s not something I’ve even considered, how could I? If I exert myself even a little, I could very well die!

He gave a light chuckle as we began walking again. “You wouldn’t be the first to say something like that. The track team isn’t just about trying to beat everyone, even if Madarame will tell you otherwise. Kenta has a saying that’s become the slogan for the track team. The track team isn’t about you surpassing everyone else, it’s about you surpassing your own limits. For a good example, Ayuta has Osteoporosis, which means he has incredibly brittle bones. He was quite like you when he joined, thinking it would just cause him unneeded pain. Now however, he’s one of the better runners,” he rounds off, looking at me. “If you’ve got a weak heart, it’s all about strengthening it right? Kenta would be more than happy to help out without putting too much strain on your heart. I’d say Miki would be the same.”

I stay silent as his proposal comes to a close, churning the information through my head. When he puts it like that, it doesn’t exactly sound like that bad of a thing, plus it’d give me something to aim for at the moment and distract me during lunch.. Eventually, I nod. I realise my mistake quickly and speak. “Yeah...I know Emi would help as well...Alright, I’ll try it, I’ll ask Miki if I can walk down with her on the Tuesday and I’ll talk to Kenta about it,” I finally conceed. Maybe this is a good chance to feel like I’m accomplishing something, because even when I was with Hanako and Lilly, I felt more like I was just running in circles with no goal. Now it feels like I’ve got a direction.

With that, he moves the subject onto more trivial matters as we walk to the dorms. Once we’re there, he tells me to take him to the common room rather than his own room, wanting to chat just the same as any other day. When I help me to one of the seat, I take my own leave. It’s been a long day and in light of Hanako coming back to class, I want to properly think about things now.

********
I am lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, still just as clueless about my situation as I was when I started two hours ago. I want to try apologising to Hanako, but I’m just not sure what she’s feeling...she always was hard to read. I don’t want to try talking to her and have a repeat of what happened, but I don’t want to leave things as they are either!

Damn it! Why is this so hard to figure out!?

I feel like chucking something at the wall when a knock at the door stops me. I glance at my clock, wondering who would be wanting to talk to me at eight at night. As I get up I grimace that it is very likely Kenji. Mentally preparing myself, I walk over and open the door.
The person who is waiting on the other side is not Kenji, far from it. Standing in front of my is Lilly Satou. I pause briefly, before speaking nervously. “...Lilly..?”

She looks up, a relieved look on her face. “Oh thank goodness I found the right room. Hello, Hisao,” she says as gracefully as ever, there is a tiny smile on her face, but it soon fades as I feared it would.

This was always going to come up and I thought I would have been prepared for it. Of course Lilly was going to ask questions about what happened. For now, I try to play it cool. “Hey, Lilly! Uh, how was Scotland..?” I quickly find it backfiring on me, realising I simply couldn’t address her without feeling bad, and by the looks of things, she feels similar.

“It was very nice, yes. My parents were very hospitable to us both. But well…” She hesitated. Here it comes. “While I was gone, did anything...happen?”

Part of me want to lie to get out of this like I usually do, to lock the door and not come back out until Lilly is gone. I fight that urge and just look at her with an expression wrought of guilt. “...Yeah, do you wanna sit down..? It’s a bit of a long story..”

Lilly quickly agrees and I guide her into my room, sitting her on the bed as I sit down at my desk. She simply looks expectantly at me. “Alright so, uh, to put it bluntly, me and Hanako had a...fight, a bad one.” I look down as I’m speaking, unable keep myself from doing so. “I...didn’t listen to your advice that night I called...I thought that if I went to her room, I could try cheering her up. She...exploded at me, she said that all people ever do is baby her, and that..” I grit my teeth. “And that she hated us..”

My explanation comes to a close and is continued by silence at first. Lilly has closed her eyes, taking the information dump in. It must have been at least a minute before she let out a small sigh which I can hear shaking. “Hisao...I can’t say I entirely approve that you didn’t listen to me when I told you it was best to give her some space.” I can hear a tone of annoyance in her voice, it’s subtle, but there. “But. I also can’t say that I am not to blame either. When I arrived back on the plane from Scotland, I was rather surprised that neither of you were at the airport and when I tried to talk to Hanako, she would not leave her room..”

I feel a horrible lurching in my stomach at that. I didn’t go to meet Lilly off the plane out of fear that Hanako might be there, but I was hoping that something like this wouldn’t happen. “I know, I know...I messed up big time. I don’t think I can talk to Hanako right now, I feel like I won’t be able to look her in the eye..”

Lilly mulled on that for a while, thinking of the best way to respond. “I think...It may be best to leave her for a while, let her do her own thing without our interference. I feel like we owe her that much.” Even though she is trying to be decisive about this, I notice the twinge of sadness of in her voice. I can’t blame her, she and Hanako have always been best friends, so this must be just as much a shock to her as it was to me.

I give a small nod, not entirely liking the situation either. “Yeah, I guess that’s the only thing we can do for now…”

Lilly stands up. “We can only hope that she does eventually come around. For now, I think I need to go to bed,” she says stifling a yawn. “I didn’t catch a wink of sleep on the plane you see..”

I get up myself to help her. As she’s leaving my room, I offer to take her back to her dorms, which she politely declines. I do ask one more question however. “Oh yeah, Lilly..? You don’t...Hate me for what I did, right?” I ask quietly. I know it’s a dumb question to ask, but I feel like I’m obliged to ask.

To my utter relief, she gives a small smile. “While I don’t think it was smart to go to her room that night, I know you were doing it for the right reasons. I don’t hate you, far from it.” With that, she leaves the room, a small “goodnight, Hisao,” as she leaves.

The sense of panic I’ve been under begins to alliviate from my as I’m left once again to the silence of my room. Lilly doesn’t dislike me, thank goodness...maybe, eventually, things will get better with Hanako as well..

For now however, I turn my attention back to the two things I agreed to do in the coming days.

A trip into the city with Miki and possibly joining the track team huh? This is certainly going to be an interesting week.

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-4: The Hustle and Bustle

My Saturday went about as well as I expected. As in I did absolutely nothing.

I didn’t exactly expect much, but to say I wasn’t bored out of my mind would be such an understatement that even saying I’m fine about what happened with Hanako would seem more honest. I sat on my bed and read through the last few books I took from the library last Monday. I’ve got to go return them at some point, but I’ll deal with that hurdle when I start classes again next week.

Now however, it’s Sunday, and I’m much more excited for today that I was yesterday, as going into the city with Miki sounds much more entertaining than staring at a book or the ceiling all day. I’m up far earlier than my usual for a Sunday, getting up at around nine rather than my usual eleven. I get myself ready and put on my usual plaid sweater vest and jeans. Before leaving the dorms and headed to the front gate.

Unlike last time I was meeting Miki at the front gate, I decide to arrive for the time we agreed, ten. I find Miki already waiting for me. She is wearing a similar outfit to what she was wearing when we went to the izakaya, only now she has replaced the leather jacket for a green shirt that is hanging open. She spots me and waves, giving her usual grin. I return the wave and approach her. She looks very pleased to see me. “Hey, you came after all! Thought you might have wanted to sleep in,” she teases.

I’m more than prepared for her however, giving a smile myself. “The thought crossed my mind, but I get the feeling you would have somehow rammed my door down to get me to come.”

Miki gives a cheeky look. “Naaah, not at all, what sort of friend would do that? I’ll have you know I’m the best friend you could have!”

I raise an eyebrow. “Well, you did steal my textbook so you could pass the pop quiz on thursday,” I counter. Our conversations are always like this. Miki will claim to be the best friend everyone needs, which I’ll then counter. It’s all in jest of course, but it’s fun. No awkward exchanges, no waiting around for a response. It’s just...nice.

“Well unlike you, I don’t get math! So I’ll take every chance I can get,” she declares confidently. “But yeah, thanks for coming down with me, it can be so boring in the city alone.”

I put my hand up, waving away the thanks. “No problem, I needed to get out my room at some point this weekend anyway.” As we talk, I can see the bus that goes into the city driving up the hill. We both walk to the edge of the road, the bus slowing to a stop and the driver opening the doors for us. We get on, pay and sit down.

We continue our conversation as the bus leaves Yamaku behind, driving back down the hill and through the town below. Miki chirping up over the low hum of the bus. “So, what did you do yesterday? Or just nothing?”

I give a small sigh. “Yep, just about. I would’ve done something, but my bed was way too comfy to leave,” I admit, chuckling at how lazy I must sound to her right now.

She gives a fake gasp, tutting at me. “Lazy! Honestly, Hisao, you should be doing something with your time. Then again...I spent the day at the track, but kinda just...resting?” she says sheepishly.

“Well then, guess you’re just as bad as me.” I remember my conversation with Jushiro yesterday and quickly want to bring it up with Miki. “Oh hey, Miki. I was chatting to Jushiro on Friday. He mentioned that it might be good idea for me to join the track team,” I say, feeling oddly alright with the idea of joining something that could very easily kill me if I push myself too hard0. I’ll be frank, I’ve had enough stress over these last few days that it could’ve probably killed me, at this point joining the track team seems tame.

Miki’s eyes light up in a flash, her head shooting to look at me, a new fire burning in her. “Really!?” she nearly yells, getting a few looks from the few other passengers around us. She tones her volume down, but is no less enthused by what I said. “You’ve gotta come! We’re always looking for new members and you already get along with the track team pretty well!”

I realise quickly what Jushiro was saying about Miki acting so supportive towards the track team. She looks genuinely over the moon that I’ve even suggested the possibility of joining it. I can’t help but be drawn into her happiness. “Well, I’m pretty certain of coming, so now I guess I’ve just gotta wait for next week to see how it goes.”

With that, she gives an admittedly cute fist pump and begins to tell me about some of the things I’ll need to know. The conversation lasts a lot longer than expected, she tells me about meeting times, those being lunch and twice a week after lessons. She lists off some of the other novices of the track team, all of whom are either in the first years or recently-joined exchange students like myself. I must say, it does feel nice knowing I won’t be the only member who isn’t in the best shape, as well as not the only one who has a disability that restricts the activeness. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

********
Our conversation on the track team lasts us the entire journey into the city, which ends up being around about an hour. I don’t think I’ll ever truly get used to the stark difference between the city and Yamaku. Over there, you’d be hard pressed to hear anything more than kids talking and the general noise of nature. Here, though, everything is much more loud and alive. In every direction you see cars and people, all with a sense of direction. You can hear the blaring of horns and general humming of vehicles as a backdrop of noise. I’ve only been at Yamaku for five weeks, but combined with my four months at the hospital, hearing the general hum of the city makes me feel nostalgic for the part of my life I’ll never get back.

I move past that as Miki and I move through the hustle and bustle to the more shopping oriented portion of the city. I opt to let Miki do what she wants to here. I might buy something if I see something I want, but I’m more here for the act of doing something rather than any real purpose.

Our conversation has moved on from general talk of the track team to opinions of some of the members as we walk past several stores. Miki talks as she gazes into a particular clothes store, the window filled with several coats of varying styles and colours. “You’re friends with Jushiro then? I think he’s probably the calmest person there. He can laugh off anything, so lots of friends there.”

I notice this is the most girly I’ve seen Miki since I’ve met her, browsing around stores, sometimes going in to buy something on what seems to be purely instinct. She doesn’t even try them on! “Jushiro is probably the only reason I’m thinking of joining the track team in the first place. I’d agree he’s calm yeah. Didn’t know he had temporary blindness though..”

Miki gave a sort of wistful sigh. “A lot of people have to skip days for one reason or another because of their disabilities. It kinda makes me worried when I don’t see them for a few days,” she admits.

I observe that she would actually make quite a good teacher and realise why she is first in line for being the captain of the track team. She cares about those around her, I’ve seen her do it for me when I was down and out because of Hanako. I’ve heard about it from others, too. “Well, I’m sure they’re thankful that someone is looking out for them,” I give her a small smile. “I can say it feels that way to me.”

She looks at me with a bit of surprise but a small, sweet smile appears on her face. “Thanks Hisao.” Guess she’s not used to people actually telling her that.

With that, the two of us continue our journey around the shops, more and more bags slowly appearing. After a while I become aware that I’m carrying most of the shopping bags, even though I’ve only bought a couple of things myself. At first I feel like mentioning it to Miki to tease her, accusing her of using me as a chauffeur. But it isn’t long before I realise that actually is the case, though not for any malicious reasons. I glance at her left arm, still wrapped in bandages. Of course she can’t carry anything else, to say she could would be downright mean.

I think about how she could probably carry more bags using her arms, but that just makes me think that she’d had an incident where the bags slipped off her arm. Probably would’ve turned her off the idea if it was something important..

That said, she didn’t actually ask if I could carry these bags for that reason, only asking me if I could help out. I don’t mind either way, but I’ve begun to notice that Miki doesn’t like to talk about her bandaged left arm. I can see the similarities to me with my heart, knowing that people take time to accept just big changes in their lives. Maybe Miki’s injury was recent as well or does she just not like focusing on it?

We’re approaching the other end of the main shopping area now, still discussing people and our opinions on them, but now it’s moved from the track team to our class. “Okay, what about that girl who sits left of you? The one that’s always sleeping?”

She thinks for a second, bringing her hand up to her chin to look thoughtful. “You mean, Suzu? Ehh, I’ve talked to her a few times, but I can’t really get much out of her. That isn’t her fault mind, she has narcolepsy I think, so I don’t think she can pay much attention to anything. I feel bad for her in a way, since she sometimes wakes up from a nightmare in a state.”

I feel a pang of guilt myself as I think about just how few people in my class I’ve spoken to. Aside from Miki, Misha, Shizune and Hanako, I’m hard pressed to think of their names… “Who knows, maybe we can chat to her, even if it’s just in class.”

She nods. “Probably should, she seems nice from what little I did say to her.” With a clap of her hands, she moves on to another person. “Alright, what do you think to the class prez and Ms. Loud?”

Her nicknames for Shizune and Misha make me laugh as I think of how to answer. “Hmm...well they aren’t bad people or anything, both of them are nice enough, if a little...pushy. They’re okay to talk to though.”

Miki and I begin the slow walk back to the other end of the shopping district, now done with shopping and more than a few bags of clothes and other knick knacks in tow. “I think most of the class agrees on that. Oh, and that Misha is really loud.”

I simply nod my head in agreement. “Don’t tell her that though, she’d probably take it as a challenge to be even louder.” I laugh at the thought. “Oh hey, you ever talked to Misha without Shizune there? It’s really weird how different she is.”

Tilting her head as if it’ll help her think better, she tries to remember if that ever happened to her. “You know I don’t think I ever have. Those two are practically glued together in class, and I don’t seem them much just out and about, so nope! I kinda wanna now though, sounds like it’d be interesting.”

I put some thought into the idea as well, not that I wanna separate those two, but Misha without Shizune’s influence is a lot less...I’m not sure, abrasive? Maybe Shizune will be ill some time and I can ask Misha. For now, I move on. “Well we’ve pretty much talked about everyone in our class.” Well, everyone except…

“There is still one other person..” I hear Miki say hesitantly beside me.

This was inevitable I suppose, it make sense for her to be curious on what I think of Hanako now. In most cases I think I’d just try and get out of it, but after the last week or so, I feel I can trust Miki enough to talk about it, I guess that comes from her being the only one knowing about my crush and subsequent mess up. “Hanako, yeah...you already know my opinion on her before last week but well...I don’t want to say too much, but I’ll just say Hanako wasn’t exactly how I expected. That’s not her fault, if anything it’s mine. But we’ve pretty much drifted apart now.” I try to hide the bitterness about the subject, but I think I did a poor job.

Miki keeps looking ahead as she speaks again. “It must really suck having that happen. It’s sort of why I asked you to come here. I saw your reaction to Hanako coming back in, so I thought you might’ve wanted another distraction from it..”

I’m surprised by that. At no point did I think about the fact that Miki came over after I was glancing at Hanako all day. Part of me feels like I should be mad for her not telling me that, but it’s only a tiny part. The rest of me appreciates the gesture, especially since it is helping to distract me. “It worked, that’s for sure. I’ve enjoyed today, it’s been nice getting out of Yamaku properly for once.”

I stop to think for a moment, I want to do something to show I appreciate the concern she’s showing for me. “Hey, before we leave, do you wanna grab lunch? My treat.”

Miki stops and turns to me. It does not take long before a grin appears on her face. “Weell, I can’t really say no to that! Lead the way!”

********
I’m not particularly used to the city, but I eventually remember the directions to the small café Lilly and I visited during my first visit here. It’s nothing exceptional, just a regular café on the corner of one of the quieter streets. Miki seems pleased with my choice nonetheless.

We sit down at one of the tables outside, Miki giving a satisfied sigh at the first time we’ve sat down since we got here. We place the honestly ridiculous amount of shopping bags at our feet and I start looking around the café. There are a few other patrons aside from us, but it’s pretty quiet all the same. Good for us I suppose, faster service is always a plus.

Miki takes the menu in her right hand and begins to browse its content. “Hmmm, everything on here sounds so good!” she complains, flicking her eyes down the fairly large menu. “Might go for salmon, haven’t had it in a while..”

I can’t help but notice her awkward way of holding the menu, holding it open with her right hand, not using her left arm at all. It’s left hanging to the side of her chair. I can think of many ways she could make it easier on herself if she used it, even if it does end in a stump. It’s like she doesn’t want to acknowledge it’s there. Maybe we have more in common than I thought. I’m very similar with my own heart, only thinking about it when it’s currently causing me hassle and I’m still not entirely comfortable about admitting I have Arrhythmia. I try to shake those thoughts from my head, giving Miki a small smile. “Go for it, like I said. I’ll pay for lunch, call it a thank you for looking out for me.”

It was only for a moment, but I swear I just saw see Miki’s cheeks brighten for a moment. Maybe I imagined it.

At this point, a waitress walks over to our table and asks for our orders. Miki orders her salmon dish and a glass of orange juice to go with it. I’m sure she would have got alcohol if we were somewhere she knew she could get away with it though. I go for something a little more boring with a simple sushi meal and a black coffee to go with it. The waitress writes down our orders and with a polite nod goes off to serve the other customers around us.

The long haired girl opposite me gives a cheeky grin as the waitress leaves. “So, is this the date part you were talking about?”

This time it’s my turn to reel from that particular statement, my face flaring up. Miki quickly bursts out laughing at my reaction, folding her arms around her stomach. “Oh man...your reaction,” she takes some time to get through her fit of giggles. It proves to be infectious as I soon join her in her laughter. I can tell people are staring at us, but I don’t particularly care, that sort of just comes with the Yamaku territory at this point.

Eventually, we both are able to collect ourselves enough to talk coherently. Miki wipes a tear from her eye. “Hisao, I gotta say, it’s fun hanging out with you. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a long while...hehe..”

I can’t help but grin myself at the compliment. While we are recovering from that spontaneous giggle fest, our meals are set down in front of us by the waitress, once again giving a small bow before dashing off. Apparently Yuuko acts more like a waitress than I thought. Just more panicked.

We don’t hesitate to dig into our meals both pretty hungry from our shopping trip. Digging in, I practically start wolfing the rice, apparently I’m more hungry that I realised. For a place as small as this, they’ve got some good food.

As I’m eating however, I soon hear a frustrated sigh coming from the girl opposite me. I look up and find Miki attacking her salmon with her chopsticks, the bowl merely bringing pushed around by her efforts. I didn’t really think about it, but it makes sense that she’s having trouble with no arm to stop the bowl from moving. I can’t help but feel bad for her as her face slowly gets increasingly more fed up with her failed attempts at getting a sizable chunk of fish. Eventually, I feel compelled to say something. “You, uh...need some help with that?” I ask politely, knowing that it’s likely something she’s sensitive about, even if she won’t admit it.

She looks up at me, for a moment, I see a pained look in her eye that I haven’t seen before. It almost hurts to look at, but to my surprise, she pushes her bowl over. She doesn’t say anything, but looks pretty uncomfortable with the turn of events. I opt to be quick about this, using my chopsticks to tear the salmon into bitable chunks. I spread them on top of the rice quickly, before pushing the bowl back to her. She rubs her arm for a moment. “Thanks..” she says reluctantly. I know she isn’t bitter against me, but it’s clear she isn’t happy about having to receive my help.

It’s at this point that I realise what I’m doing. I’m treating Miki like she needs help.

Damn it.

My arms quickly fly up in an attempt to catch what has already been done, cringing at myself. “Ah! Don’t think that I’m doing this because I think you need the help! I just wanted to help out is all..” I grit my teeth, there it is. I’ve done a good job of hiding my emotions from that fateful night in the girls dorms, but it’s times like this where they all come flooding back.

Miki looks almost shocked at my one eighty in terms of mood, pepping up almost immediately. “Oh, don’t think like that! I do appreciate it, I really do! It’s just..” She looks at her left arm hanging limply in place. “I get kinda annoyed by this thing.”

The question of how she came to own such an injury, as well as the mindset to hate it so much doesn’t escape me, but I decide not to pursue it. “We all get annoyed at our disabilities.” I point at my chest. “I hate when my heart holds me back, since it feels like a constant threat to me. I can barely run up three flights of steps without keeling over,” I say, not hiding the bitterness of my tone. I’ve come to accept that my Arrhythmia is going to be something I’ll take to my grave and it’s likely going to be the cause of me being there. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it either.

Miki looks at me for a few seconds, giving that same more genuine smile I’ve come to enjoy seeing. “Guess we can relate on that then. Lets not get all down in the dumps though! I wanna try this salmon now!” With a sudden boost in her mood, she begins wolfing down the smaller chunks of salmon. I follow suit and begin going at my meal again as well.

********
From there our conversation went back to pleasant small talk. We finished up our meals in what I think might have been record time. I kept my promise and paid for the meal. It wasn’t too expensive thankfully, but I wouldn’t have really minded even if it was. With that, we took our shopping bags and made our way back to the bus stop.

Our trip home was a little more quiet than the one coming in, the exercise of walking catching up with me. Miki asked if I was okay a few times, but I reassured her it was just how I was these days.

When we finally reach Yamaku, the sun is setting off in the distance. It lights the buildings and surrounding countryside in a warm orange glow that I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t quite beautiful.

Miki and I begin a slow trek through the gardens of our high school, only a few students passing us by at this later hour. I turn to look at the girl walking alongside me, seeing the same small smile on her face from before. It proves impossible not to join in. “You enjoy today then?” I ask.

She turns to me, giving an enthusiastic nod. “It was great! It’s been awhile since I’ve had fun just shopping and eating. Makes me look forward to what’ll happen when you come try out the track team!” she says excitedly.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot I agreed to that.

“Well, I’ll try making it fun for you then,” I say with a chuckle. We reach the dorm entrances relatively quickly. I turn back to Miki. “Well, I’ve had a lot of fun as well. Thanks for distracting me today, it really helped.”

Miki stood there for a moment, a silence in between us. It is soon interrupted by her walking up to me and giving me a quick hug. It only lasts a short while, but it’s just enough for me to catch the scent of her long dark hair, a sweet smell that I’m sure won’t escape me for a while. She backs away and gives me a smile, a more prominent blush on her cheeks that I’ve ever seen from her. “My pleasure. See you soon, Hisao!”

With that, she turned away from me and almost skipped back inside the girls dorm. I stand there for just a few moments, almost wishing that hug would’ve lasted longer.

I walk into the boys dorm, satisfied with the best day I’ve had in some time.

[ChaosSummons01]

Act 2-5: Monday Blues

Monday. The day after my city trip with Miki and honestly not one I’ve been looking forward to. For one thing, it’s Monday, the day after the weekend, knowing you’ve got a full week of learning before you get another break. Sure I don’t have lessons today, but the dread is still there. Not only that however, today is the last day before my library books go overdue, meaning I’ve got to hand them back. A job I’ve not been looking forward to since it runs a high risk of running right into Hanako.

I’d considered going right at the start of the day or right before the library closes, but both options risk accidentally crossing paths with her on my way out, so instead I decide just to go at a random time during the day. While we don’t have lessons today, the fact that it’s Monday means that the school facilities including the cafeteria and the library are open. So I suppose I should at least be thankful for that.

While packing the books into my school bag, I realise just how many books I checked out at once. I wonder if there’s any limit on how many you can take out? Might have to ask about that. I’m also not sure if I should be concerned how quickly I went through these books. I’ve only been here for around six weeks now and yet I’ve managed to plow through a good fifteen books at least, if not more, I guess I’m thankful in some way that I’m only here for one year rather than three, I’m probably gonna be running out of books by the end of just one.

After a good amount of time struggling to get all the books into my bag, I make my way over to the main school building. Compared to the general busyness of a normal school day, the place is practically deserted. The majority of the teachers are likely not here today except for the poor few who have to keep the place orderly, so most students simply don’t have a reason to come, likely spending the day goofing off somewhere else.

I make my way up to the musty library which is understandably quiet as well. I’m being extremely cautious as I enter however, checking for a flash of dark hair that would signal me running as fast as my legs could carry me. Thankfully, it doesn’t come to that and I can’t see her. I move over the counter and pull the multitude of sci-fi and fantasy books out of my bag, dropping them down with a hefty ‘slam’.

Predictably, the girl at the counter who was paying attention to other things as I came in practically jumps ten feet into the air. I can’t help but by a little amused. “Hey Yuuko,” I greet, bringing out the last few books to check in.

Once she recovers from her fright and realises it’s me, she gives a pleasent smile. I’m not sure if it’s just towards me, or because I’m actually returning all these books. Either way it’s a nice gesture. “Ah, hello Hisao. Thank you for bringing these books back, I got a few requests for some of the books you took out and I had to tell them I didn’t have them because you had them and-”

Before she’s able to go into complete panic mode on me, I interrupt. “No problem, I should’ve brought these back before now really. Sorry about that, it’s been…” I hesitate for a moment. “A busy week.”

Luckily, Yuuko doesn’t catch onto my excuse, instead taking to scanning the huge pile of books I’d placed down and putting them in the box to her side ready to be put back. While she’s doing that, she brings up a topic that through the eventfulness of this last week, I’d almost forgotten about. “You have your exams coming up, right?” she asked, scanning another book through. “How is your revision going?”

Unfortunately, badly I realise. While I’ve done a little bit over the weekend, I can’t say it’s really crossed my mind as important even though it really should be. “Well uh.” I think for a minute on how I should answer. Truthfully, if there’s anyone who would know about how to feel with awkwardness, it’s probably Yuuko. I think I remember her mentioning that she used to have a boyfriend, so she probably had to get over that. “Not great...Truth is I’ve had a bit of a falling out with a friend and it’s been distracting me quite a lot.” Honestly, that’s putting it lightly, but I know Yuuko would panic if I explained it in more detail.

Contemplating what I said for a moment, Yuuko thinks about what she wants to say. “Well...It’s a little hard for me to suggest, since I’m not sure how badly the two of you fell out. But...When I broke up with my boyfriend, there was a while where I just wanted to stop thinking about him altogether. It worked for a bit, but well...Each time I would see him, it just brought me back down. So instead, I decided just to move on, I wouldn’t really talk to him still but...I just try not to worry now,” she finished. “Ah! Sorry I didn’t mean to ramble, I’m sure it’s not that bad for you!”

I put my hand up to tell her it’s fine. “It’s fine, Yuuko. In fact it helps a lot. I’ve been trying to ignore their existence for a while now and it really isn’t helping. I’ll try how you did it and see if that works better.”

Looking delighted that she was able to help, she finishes off my pile of books. “Well, hopefully you can get it resolved in a different way, just give them some time, I’m sure they’ll eventually come around.”

I falter a little at that, thoughts drifting back about how I wouldn’t be able to look Hanako in the eye if she tries to apologise, as it was him who was at fault for everything that happened. “Sure...Maybe. Anyway! I’d better get going, I’ve gotta get some revision done today if I’m ever gonna start,” I joke. “See you, Yuuko.”

With that, I take my leave. I contemplate going into the library to pick up some books to bring back with me, but I’m still worried about seeing Hanako either way so I decide against it. Studying should occupy me enough to last for the day. Maybe I’ll miss out a lesson tomorrow to pick up some books...Man, it really is sad I even have to think about that.

For now anyway, I focus on more pressing matters, mainly my stomach which is now growling at me after skipping breakfast. I briefly consider going into town since the weather is improving a lot, but I don’t think my stomach would appreciate the wait time. So instead, with reluctance, I opt for the cafeteria’s...questionable food. I also consider trying to find Miki to see if she wants to hang out, but honestly I have no idea where her room is in the dormitories of it she’d even be there. Giving up on that, I make my way down.

My bag a ton lighter now so it’s much easier getting down to the cafeteria than it was getting up to the library. Once I’m there, I’m surprised to find being a lot more busy than I first expected. I assumed it was going to be practically dead in here, but no, there’s a decent amount of people here. It’s kind of nice actually, the atmosphere being quieter than usual, but still loud enough to fill the empty space permeating the rest of the school today. I join the small queue to get something to each, the nice aura surrounding me dissipating when I feel a hand slap me on the shoulder. I don’t even need to turn about to know who it is. Kenji. Mentally, I prepare myself for the long conversation ahead.

Like usual, he’s standing close enough that I could criticize each blemish on his face. I’m not going to obviously, but I could. “Hey man,” he greets in his usual tone. Honestly I’m kind of impressive he found me considering he can barely see in front of him most of the time.
“Hi Kenji.” Truth be told, while Kenji can be eccentric at times, I’ve pretty much gotten used to talking to him. Heck I can salvage something of a normal conversation with at times by now. I factor that just from getting to know him as well as talking to some of the other guys a little better.

The line for food thankfully disperses very quickly and I’m able to grab today’s slop. It’s light green today, god I hope that’s vegtables and not...something else. Kenji follows me over to a spare table, taking a few looks around him before leaning in. Oh good, I guess it’ll be a feminist talk today then.

“I haven’t seen you in a while man, I was worried you’d been lost to the feminists. I had a small funeral service for you and everything!” He complains, clearly not happy that he wasted his time. I’m kinda curious on what he did for a funeral service, but on thinking about it. I...don’t wanna know.

“Nah, I’ve just been busy lately. Talking to some of the guys in the dorm. Do you know any of them? Jushiro, Ayuta...Madarame?” I know it’s a long shot, but hey you never know with Kenji.

At most, Kenji looks uninterested, something of a surprise actually considering he usually reacts with horror to those around me. Gender changes everything I guess. “I think that first guy is in my class,” he says. “Name sounds similar.” Quickly, he perks up. “Ah you must be trying to expand our forces against the ever growing threat of the feminists! Excellent work, soon we may stand a chance of holding our ground on the front lines!”

His enthusiasm garners a few glances in our direction, much to my chagrin, but I just decide to humor him on this. “Yeah, something like that. I’m apparently joining the track team tomorrow. So I’ll be sure to recruit them.”

“Excellent, excellent. A true brother in arms. The track team would be perfect as the first line of defense in the oncoming war,” he comments, obviously pleased with my ‘contribution’ to the war efforts.

“I’m sure they would be...Most of them are pretty active. Plus they’re decent people, Ayuta and Jushiro are cool, the track team captain is way nicer than I thought and Miki-”

I’m suddenly interrupted by a horrified shriek that if I didn’t see who it came from, I’d have guessed it was from a girl. Kenji has the most terrified look on his face, I’d assume why but I already know exactly what it’s about. “Oh no, no no no! You can’t get involved with her! She’s one of the leaders in the upcoming attack! She’s lulling the track team into a false sense of security by being nice to them, but it’s only a matter of time! One day she’ll be giving you cookies then the next, BAM! Cyanide cookies!”

Honestly, I’m not even surprised at this point. Kenji being scared of the girls I talk to is something I’m used to and this is no different. I almost want to laugh at how extreme his opinion of Miki is, or that even he admits she’s nice, even if he thinks it’s a ploy. “I’ll be careful around her then.” Looking down at my plate, I’ve finished any bit of the mush that looked even remotely appatising, opting to leave the rest, probably better for my health. “Look, I better be going, I’ve gotta study. Uh...Good luck in your battle, Kenji?” Farewells with Kenji will always be a point that I’ll never be sure on, ah well.

Almost as quickly as he started, he calmed down. “Ah, alright man, see you,” he said, picking at his own green sludge. I don’t think I’ll ever properly understand Kenji, but at least he’s someone to talk to. Making my way out of the cafeteria, I quickly begin to feel fatigued however, after only two conversations, I’m already tired. Guess that’s the nature of talking to Yuuko and Kenji though, but at least Yuuko gave me some sound advice about dealing with Hanako. I should probably relax now though while I’m studying, tomorrow is gonna be an interesting day.

[Captain Duck]

Really enjoying this so far, keep it up!

[Mirage_GSM]

Nice to see this story continue.

Good job with making Yuuko not as over the top as some other stories (and the VN).

One thing I've come to dislike is the cliché of the cafetreria having such bad food. It comes up in many VNs, but here it sticks out precisely because you avoid a lot of other common clichés...

[ChaosSummons01]

Nice to see this story continue.

Good job with making Yuuko not as over the top as some other stories (and the VN).

One thing I've come to dislike is the cliché of the cafetreria having such bad food. It comes up in many VNs, but here it sticks out precisely because you avoid a lot of other common clichés...

Thanks for the kind words, and as for the bad food I think I did that simply because it's something it stuck with me so much. Hisao seems to never be happy with food in the VN. I'll probably go back and edit that while making the next chapter.

[Serbian Gamer]

I like it how you started off from Hanako's bad ending.

I wonder if the two will ever reconcile, even if it is the tiniest bit :p

Keep up the good work!

[Alpacalypse]

So, I'm really late in re-reading the new and improved version of this story. Sorry about that

However, I've gotta say, this is way better than those old chapters you sent me to proofread all that time ago. Seriously, you've done well, here. I'll be happy to see more when it's ready.

Welcome back, Chaos. Glad to have you around again.

[Zerebos]

This is really cool that you started it off from Hanako's bad end! It makes sense that Miki is the only one he would talk to as well considering he talked to her during Hanako's route. The writing was really good as well, great job Chaos!

[Oddball]

I love your characterization of Miki here and how she helps out and encourages the track team is an angle I don't think I've seen before. The other track team members seem pretty well done too.

It does feel that Hanako has been abandoned a bit too easily though, and I'm surprised there hasn't been more with Lilly.

[sloth4]

This was a fun little read. Miki has good characterization and it's nice to see some interesting male OCs. Keep it up.