Valse Sentimentale - OC Drabble (Updated 4/10/16)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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TubaMirum
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Re: Valse Sentimentale - OC Drabble (Updated 3/29/16)

Post by TubaMirum » Sun Apr 10, 2016 11:02 pm

MikeKS wrote:Just joined the forum about a day or 2 ago. Other than going through some fan arts to silently appreciate some amazing works with sips of some fine earl grey tea, I have been trying to find a selection of good fan fictions to read. Needless to say, after going through 2 chapters of your work, I am put on a spot to cut short activities here and there so I can finally sit down and read out your piece for myself and for my girlfriend to hear as she sits next to me. I am looking forward to catch up to the story so to remain in future discussions :)
Maybe she can let me know even more how bad I am at working blindness into a story eh? :P

Still, I'm beyond thrilled to hear all of this support for such a potentially self-centered idea as a overly complicated and dramatic OC Romance.
Gustav Mahler wrote:If you find you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.

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MikeKS
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Re: Valse Sentimentale - OC Drabble (Updated 4/10/16)

Post by MikeKS » Sun Apr 10, 2016 11:45 pm

Haha, Emily really likes the story, although she is not a big fan of Sora so far due to Sora's rather blunt comments on certain regards.

Also the describing of Kyouko's scars got her all worked up with what I may or may not have done to her face :wink:, it was sort of rewarding to see her pout and somewhat worried face when she asked, "Michael, did you draw on my face in my sleep like the last time? Please tell me you didn't!" The reason why she would ask is because on her birthday last year, Emily, her father and I celebrated with quite some to drink which ended up with her having to hit the bed early. While she was asleep, her father and I jokingly drew her face into Pikachu. When the morning came, the two of us burst in laughter as Emily got out of her room with a Pikachu face. Which also ended with me apologizing to her for the remaining day :P

Enough about Emily and I, we are really excited about moving on to and finishing chapter 3 and 4 tonight. Have a good night :)
Nothing is forever, but what we have is life long.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Valse Sentimentale - OC Drabble (Updated 4/10/16)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:59 am

I should feel guilty that a part of my courage to speak up came from not wanting anything to stain my homework, but right now that’s not really that important.
She was doing her writing exercises, not her homework.
“I… I don’t know if I get it, but,” I start, dropping to a knee so that we’re a bit closer together and smiling despite my own nerves. “I do at least get you’re worried about me…”
Hmm... I'm not sure I'm buying such an extreme reaction at that time.
If she really were THAT worried, she wouldn't have gone out to eat, would she? Maybe a nap would have been a better explanation?
Let’s just go back to being friends…
Hmm... At what point did they stop being friends?

...just a few minor points. Good chapter otherwise!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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TubaMirum
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Re: Valse Sentimentale - OC Drabble (Updated 4/10/16)

Post by TubaMirum » Mon Apr 11, 2016 12:09 pm

Good points! I'll be making some spot edits later today for clarity, mostly to that friends conversation.

The homework is mostly just that she's rolling both homework and drills into the same entity, and her desk is a mess anyway.

The other part is hard to justify without explicitly showing the interactions Kyouko had with Tamano, but I don't think it'd be bad to explain somehow that it was actually Tamano's idea to try and get her mind at ease that didn't quite work.
Gustav Mahler wrote:If you find you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.

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