Flutter - Level Twenty One: Footsies [25/3/17]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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TubaMirum
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by TubaMirum » Sat May 28, 2016 2:40 am

Indeed, very much Slice of Life but...

Rika and Hisao used Kiss!

A critical hit!

It's super effective!

FATALITY :D
Gustav Mahler wrote:If you find you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.

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Hesmiyu
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Hesmiyu » Sat May 28, 2016 3:40 am

TubaMirum wrote:Indeed, very much Slice of Life but...

Rika and Hisao used Kiss!

A critical hit!

It's super effective!

FATALITY :D
With their conditions, it actually could be :P
The line below is false.
The line above is true.

Being disabled is just differently abled differently labelled.

My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221

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Dash9
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Dash9 » Sat May 28, 2016 4:45 am

I always notice your posts JUST as I'm about to go to sleep.
EVERY.
SINGLE.
TIME!!!

The reunion scene was a *tiny* bit less awkward than I expected. I do get the reasoning behind it I think, but Hisao is such a horribly awkward character it was just a tiny stretch. Especially when he brushed off the comments and stumbles his friends made regarding his condition. Same thing with his reaction to the shopkeeper, it does make sense but it seems ever so slightly OOC. He's always been REALLY sensitive about it, I kinda imagined there would be some degree of mixed reaction to his hometown's greetings.
and Hisao’s story become fewer as
typo?

Anyway, even with the inconsistencies with my personal headcanon (my problem, not yours), I LOVED this chapter. The setting for the kiss was especially perfect, and her reaction was just as adorable as ever. I think you did a phenomenal job with subtly showing how natural it felt to both of them, and how comfortable they are with each other. I know very little about the art of writing a story, but the 'show, don't tell' philosophy seems to be a really hard thing for people to master. Major respect to you for how much you were able to convey in that scene.

Fantastic work, keep it up! Now I can't wait to see the next chapter when Rika actually faces off against a worthy opponent and Hisao shows off HIS arcade skills.
(crossing my fingers for a 'light-gun' style game where Hisao is the one who carries the game) [MAN I miss the old 'Area 51' machine they used to have at the theater xD]

As always, thanks for sharing,
--Dash

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swampie2
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by swampie2 » Sat May 28, 2016 4:36 pm

It's a good thing I still get free dentist appointments, you're giving my cavities left and right sharp. :lol:
One Shots - My stories thread.

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Sharp-O
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Sharp-O » Sat May 28, 2016 6:05 pm

Thanks for all the feedback, guys! I'm a little bummed that no one has made mention of the Hisao sprite since I think it's one of the best I've done (plus how many Hisao sprites, official or not, out there? Exactly).
Dash9 wrote:Hisao's more laidback approach to his heart
This is intentional on my part. Rika revealed her condition fairly early on, becoming an unintended example that Hisao could lead a normal life with his. Unlike other routes, I imagine Rika (any Rika, in theory) would be a good influence on the medical/psychological side of things and while Hisao isn't about to make light of his heart, he's still not entirely comfortable with it and certain events will exacerbate that.

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Dash9
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Dash9 » Sat May 28, 2016 9:48 pm

Sharp-O wrote:Thanks for all the feedback, guys! I'm a little bummed that no one has made mention of the Hisao sprite since I think it's one of the best I've done (plus how many Hisao sprites, official or not, out there? Exactly).
Oops, I guess it's one of those things that's I just took a little bit for granted, but it really did come out great. In all honesty, I think it just got eclipsed by the kiss (where's THAT artwork from btw?). I can't remember if I've mentioned it before or not, but it is REALLY nice how much effort you put into giving us visual cues to help us follow along your stories.

thanks again,
--Dash

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Texaboose
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Texaboose » Sun May 29, 2016 1:09 am

Dash9 wrote: I can't remember if I've mentioned it before or not, but it is REALLY nice how much effort you put into giving us visual cues to help us follow along your stories.
Gotta reinforce Dash on this - love the visuals that go with your work. Fun chapter to read as always, although glad you confirmed that Hisao's attitude about his heart was intentional, and explained the reasoning behind it.
I enjoy your take on Mei and Takumi, two more characters that are rarely explored. However, gotta admit, Leafy's impression of Mei has stuck in my head (probably because it was my first introduction to Mei), and it was a bit jarring reading the totally two different takes on this blank character. Not your fault, totally mine.

Looking forward to the upcoming duel. Hopefully there's no Fatalities.
Currently reading (and being thoroughly depressed by): After the Dream by brythain
Also currently reading (sans depression):
The Benefit of Hindsight by Puncyclopedia
Learning to Fly by Eurobeatjester
Flutter by Sharp-O

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun May 29, 2016 7:04 am

Texaboose wrote:Hopefully there's no Fatalities.
If they are playing Mortal Kombat - there will be!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Sharp-O
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Sharp-O » Sun May 29, 2016 7:16 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Texaboose wrote:Hopefully there's no Fatalities.
If they are playing Mortal Kombat - there will be!
The next chapter is called "Test Your Might" :wink:

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AlexFDSR
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by AlexFDSR » Sun May 29, 2016 3:20 pm

Sharp-O wrote:Crapbaskets
Huh, she says that too.
If Iwanako had a route, would the tagline be "Can you find it in your heart?"

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TubaMirum
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by TubaMirum » Sun May 29, 2016 3:31 pm

AlexFDSR wrote:
Sharp-O wrote:Crapbaskets
Huh, she says that too.
Could it be argued that she's actually the progenitor of this statement given we're in 2007? :D
Gustav Mahler wrote:If you find you're boring your audience, go slower not faster.

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AlexFDSR
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by AlexFDSR » Sun May 29, 2016 3:36 pm

TubaMirum wrote:
AlexFDSR wrote:
Sharp-O wrote:Crapbaskets
Huh, she says that too.
Could it be argued that she's actually the progenitor of this statement given we're in 2007? :D
Excellent point.
If Iwanako had a route, would the tagline be "Can you find it in your heart?"

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Sharp-O
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Sharp-O » Sun May 29, 2016 3:42 pm

TubaMirum wrote:
AlexFDSR wrote:
Sharp-O wrote:Crapbaskets
Huh, she says that too.
Could it be argued that she's actually the progenitor of this statement given we're in 2007? :D
It could be argued; due to the cyclical nature of the universe, life, and jokes. Plus I'd love to hear Rin say:
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines... It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round, Hisao." :lol:

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Texaboose
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by Texaboose » Sun May 29, 2016 4:07 pm

Sharp-O wrote: "Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines... It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round, Hisao." :lol:
Can just see the crossover now:
Emi after a 'conversation' with Shizune

"Uh, she was just talking about everyone here, how you're all idiots and jerks, but you guys are her idiots and jerks, that if I tried to become more popular than her she would talk about me behind my back and turn everyone against me, and then I would cry and everybody would hate me. You know, girl stuff!"
Currently reading (and being thoroughly depressed by): After the Dream by brythain
Also currently reading (sans depression):
The Benefit of Hindsight by Puncyclopedia
Learning to Fly by Eurobeatjester
Flutter by Sharp-O

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AlexFDSR
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Re: Flutter - Level Thirteen: Encounter Rate [28/5/16]

Post by AlexFDSR » Sun May 29, 2016 4:09 pm

Sharp-O wrote: It could be argued; due to the cyclical nature of the universe, life, and jokes. Plus I'd love to hear Rin say:
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines... It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round, Hisao." :lol:
That's the sassiest thing Rin has ever said.
If Iwanako had a route, would the tagline be "Can you find it in your heart?"

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