The Three Evils

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Jake Zero
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The Three Evils

Post by Jake Zero » Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:58 am

This is a fanfic I had in my head for quite a while. It takes place after Shizune's bad end from her point of view. It starts the day before the actual bad end starts. There may be some inconsistencies due to me not remembering everything from that particular moment as I have not played that moment in quite a while and was too lazy to get there. I'm not afraid to make edits, so let me know if there is anything that needs fixing up. Also, please help me with an alarm clock for Shizune. Anyway, on with the story:


There’s a nagging feeling in my chest that neither Hisao nor Misha are telling me the whole truth, but every time I try talking to them, they just write it off as nothing. They did something, I just know it. I need to find out! NOW! Wait. Is my forcing pushing them to away? Me, away from… “Hisao…” It could be, but, I don’t want to believe it. Sure, as the days rolled by in the Student Council, Hisao and Misha have been talking, well signing, to me less… and less.

Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, no, oh no ohno ohnoohno OH, NO!!!

Okay, okay. Deep breaths, Shizune. Deep breaths. Okay, maybe they have something they want to keep hidden from me, but what? Did Hisao… have sex with Misha? Knowing her, she’d probably want sex just to calm down. I should know. I… kinda did it with her. Once. It REALLY bothered me and I do not want to do it again nor remember it. I shudder just thinking about. Regardless, even if he did, I’d feel happy that he told me something. I’d be pissed off if he did, but happy nonetheless. Just something, ANYTHING, to get Hisao to talk to me again. I just want to talk to him.

Okay, in the morning, I’ll talk to Hisao. As I tell myself that, well more think since I can’t well, y’know, talk. Or hear. Anyway, I take off my glasses and set my alarm clock for 7:00 AM


After taking a quick shower with Misha (and her having to run off to [Do something] as she puts it) I put on my uniform and go to Hisao’s room. Before she left, she told me Hisao was looking for me. All the better. It means he wants to talk to me, too. I knock on the door to get him to see me. I silently sigh. I hope I can convince him to talk about him and Misha. I just want us to be together again. Dear God, please help me make this right. As he opens the door, I sign to him, [Misha told me you were looking for me.] Nice start there, Shizune. Way to be blunt and to the point. Hisao will surely open up to you now.
[I was,] Hisao signs back. Well, it wasn’t too bad, I suppose.

[But you found me yesterday.] It’s true. He did. Why didn’t he talk to me then? [Well, I didn’t make it easy, did I?] Did I? I don’t recall ever making myself hidden. Sure, I may blend in with the crowd, but even still.

[It’s all right.] Is it, Hisao? Is it really? I don’t recall being purposefully avoided to be called <all right.>

[That’s why I’m here. We can talk today. Although…] Signing here in the boys’ dorms may be kind of awkward given the subject I want to talk about. [I kind of want to go somewhere else.] Preferably somewhere with the least amount of prying eyes.

[What about class?]

[It’s fine, it’s fine] Idiot! Why say that? He’s obviously looking for a way out! [How about we take a walk around the school? Everywhere except the main building is going to be deserted. The first period bell should be ringing right now.] That’s better.

[Okay.] Thank God, I finally have a chance to talk. [Is there something wrong?]

That’s what I want to know, you idiot! Thankfully, I don’t sign as much. Instead, I reply, [Why do you think something is wrong?]

[Because you’re obviously upset. I could just tell. It’s what I wanted to talk to you about.] Why do you think I’m upset? Can you tell that, Hisao?

[Apparently, I’m easier to read than I’d thought. I was trying hard to hide it.] About as hard as a guy trying to hide in a cardboard box. [Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?] Try to think about it on your way, dumbass.


As we approached the gate, I looked over some of the drink options, thinking about what we should drink to calm our nerves. Mine, especially. Also, since when did we have tea as an option? Never mind that, after I made our choices, handing Hisao some coffee, I just leaned on the wall, wondering what to say. I don’t want to immediately talk about him and Misha. But, what else is there? Maybe… maybe there is nothing else. Nothing at all. I put down my drink and sign, [There is a saying: ‘You don’t know how much you’ve screwed up until you screw up.’] That saying just fits now more than ever.

[Who says that?] Hisao asks.

[I guess… I guess it’s me.] I wish there was something better I could say, but no, there isn’t. I shake my hands, along with my head. [Okay, I’ll put it differently. When I was younger, we had to make Earth Day posters in school. There was another girl in my class whom everyone considered the best artist. It wasn’t because she could draw better than anyone else, it was how much she could fit in a single picture.] Even to this day, I’m envious of her. [I wanted to be better than her, so I made countless posters until I ended up with the best possible one.] And that’s where my competitive streak began. [I had to be the best and have the greatest one. In the end, everyone liked my poster the most of all, even the teacher.] Why did I do that? Bringing it back to memory also brings back the bad moments with it, such as forcing the poor girl to move because of what I did to her. After winning, I bragged to her. On and on and on. Bringing that to the fore light saddens me. I’m sorry, Yayoi. [A week later, it was meaningless. I threw it in the trash.] Much like everything else I found meaningless. [I think I told you something like this before.]

[Yeah.]

[When I feel like I’m finished, I wish I could wipe the slate clean,] and we all know that’s impossible. [Whether I succeed or not, I put Misha through a lot, and even dragged you into it.] Something I didn’t even mean to do to either of you. I feel tears coming out of my eyes right now. [And every point where I could have solved this silly situation, or prevented it from happening in the first place, keeps coming back to haunt me. It is the absolute worst feeling. Especially where I feel I’ve done nothing right and everything wrong. Like recently. It’s the worst kind of failure. I feel like a failure on every level.] I sniffle a bit before resuming. [I just wish I could wipe away everything I’ve done and just be alone, since all I’ve done is mess with Misha for two years.] What am I saying? [And jerk you around for a year for selfish reasons.] No, stop! That isn’t true!

[It’s fine.] No, it’s not, Hisao! Why can’t you see that?

[It’s not fine. You don’t understand.] My vision starts to get blurry. [I was just thinking about it: everything I do feels like I have to beat someone else. Everyone else, even.] Shizune, stop! You’re making it worse! [If that is how it is, then what is my relation with people?] No. [They almost feel the same.] No! [The point is that I’ve messed up so many people by being selfish, and now I want to be away from other people for a while.]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Even me?] I barely see it as such, but I can tell enough. I just nod. I don’t see what else he signed, but I presume he was okay with it.
I don’t buy it. I wipe away my tears for a minute and sign back, with shaky hands, [You told me everything was fine, but it wasn’t true, was it?] After not hearing a reply, I say, [I can’t believe it ever again, then.] The tears start coming back. Hisao just left, without saying another word. What… what have I done? Not only did I feel like I pushed away my best friend, but also pushed away… my boyfriend. Hisao, Misha, what did I do to push you away from me?


Some time passes and I did not leave my place once. Just… staring. Into nothingness. How long? In all truth, just a few hours, but it felt so much longer. I just feel like I want to go back in time and stop myself from making those mistakes, but I know that’s a fantasy. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be in this situation. Instead, I just… I just want to die. Would that be okay? I mean, it’s not like anyone really cares if I kill myself. Not even my… family. Lilly would probably be glad to be rid of me, likewise with Dad. Before I go into Hideaki, I feel someone shaking me. I blink a few times and see a pair of silhouettes out of my eyes. Are they my guardian angels? I feel my glasses taken off and my eyes being clean of tears so I can see. As soon as my glasses are put back on I see Ikezawa and… Lilly!? What is she doing here? It doesn’t matter, I’m going to do something I’ve never done, nor would ever do, in front of anyone, least of all Lilly. I hugged them both and cried my heart out, as loud as I could, to show how much I’ve emotionally lost.
Last edited by Jake Zero on Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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swampie2
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by swampie2 » Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:36 am

It's an interesting premise that I don't think I've seen done before, you've got my interest for sure!

I don't think I've ever seen fics where Shizune sort of accepted Misha's feelings. Especially showering with her.

{ I guess… I guess it’s me.] Wrong bracket.
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Jan 18, 2016 8:17 am

So... This is just the prologue, right?

Could go interesting places with a premise like this. I don't remember any stories that continue on from Shizune's Bad End.

One thing I'd recommend when you rewrite a scene from the VN from a different perspective is rereading the scene beforehand and keeping the dialogue consistent. The changed PoV will have all the more impact when the dialogue is the same as in the VN (see the excellent "Two Hallways" as a reference). In this case I didn't notice any major mistakes, but that's probably because I never reread Shizune's path since 2011...

On the grammar side, there's a bit jumping between tenses, but it's not too bad.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Jake Zero
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Jake Zero » Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:58 pm

swampie2 wrote:It's an interesting premise that I don't think I've seen done before, you've got my interest for sure!

I don't think I've ever seen fics where Shizune sort of accepted Misha's feelings. Especially showering with her.

{ I guess… I guess it’s me.] Wrong bracket.
Why thank you for that. I'll be sure to keep your interests on high.

There are schools that have public showers for girls as well as guys.

Whoops! Corrected, thanks.
Mirage_GSM wrote:So... This is just the prologue, right?

Could go interesting places with a premise like this. I don't remember any stories that continue on from Shizune's Bad End.

One thing I'd recommend when you rewrite a scene from the VN from a different perspective is rereading the scene beforehand and keeping the dialogue consistent. The changed PoV will have all the more impact when the dialogue is the same as in the VN (see the excellent "Two Hallways" as a reference). In this case I didn't notice any major mistakes, but that's probably because I never reread Shizune's path since 2011...

On the grammar side, there's a bit jumping between tenses, but it's not too bad.
This is, indeed the prologue. I intend to go on further where Shizune becomes a better person and more sociable with everyone. Will it be easy? Not freakin' likely, but I will have a heck of a time trying to make it smooth while keeping her in character.

Like I said, I was lazy at the time. That, and I was writing pretty late. I didn't want to wake my roommate by opening up my VN and replay both scenes leading up to the bad end. I will keep that advice in mind for the future, though.

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Re: The Three Evils

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:04 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:So... This is just the prologue, right?

Could go interesting places with a premise like this. I don't remember any stories that continue on from Shizune's Bad End.
I believe there's a Misha Route that is Post Bad Ending. In the end, you either hook up with Misha or ruin yourself by trying to humiliate Shizune.

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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Thu Jan 21, 2016 2:19 pm

HoneyBakedHam wrote: I believe there's a Misha Route that is Post Bad Ending. In the end, you either hook up with Misha or ruin yourself by trying to humiliate Shizune.
That would be Blame by pip25.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:39 pm

Ah, yes, I wasn't sure which of her endings that one was based on.
I think there were one or two more, but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone^^°
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Jake Zero
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Jake Zero » Fri May 27, 2016 9:23 pm

It took a while but here is the first official chapter for this story. I want to thank Mirage for help with cleanup. Can you also recommend me to others here, dude? I may need all the help I can get as I'm still kind of a newb even though I've done this before. i.e. I'm a little rusty. This is also the first fanfic that I've uploaded more than one chapter to. Constructive criticism is obliged and thus, enjoy:

PS just as a reminder, this is after Shizune's bad end.




After crying for who knows how long, I back away from them and sign, [Why are you two here?] Ikezawa raises her eyebrow in confusion. I slap my forehead. Of course, I forgot that Ikezawa doesn’t know sign language. She raises her other eyebrow after seeing me do that. I don’t blame her for being surprised. I go scrounging around in my bag for my notebook. Why I brought my bag with me here in the first place, I’ll never know. I write to Ikezawa what I just signed.
I see the two having a conversation with Ikezawa frowning during most of it. Lilly seems to want to tell me what they’re doing here, but then Ikezawa stops her to want to do something and what follows is just… inexplicable.

[I brought the bear into the blizzard and back into my bosom.]
I am astounded for two reasons. One) She knows sign language and Two) What the hell did she just say!? I sign back the latter, minus the cursing. She seems to understand it, more or less, but what comes out is even worse than the last. It’s so bad that I can’t even read half of it.

[I said, … and… so…] I don’t even think half of what she said this time are words. I point to the note pad so that she and I can talk more clearly. She complies and I write down, I can’t understand what you’re saying.

I hand it back to her and she writes something down. When she gives it back to me, I see she has beautiful hand writing. I apologize. My signing is a bit rusty. “A bit?” It looks like all she’s doing is waving her hands around. Wait a minute, Did you say signing?

Yes, I did. When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I took some sign language classes as some of my neighbors were hard of hearing and I was too afraid to raise my voice, so I decided to take classes so as not to provoke them. They also knew sign or had translators. I wanted to talk to them on my own since I liked being around others as a little girl. Back then, I was really good. The translators even praised me on my handiwork.

Given what I’ve seen I can hardly believe that.

Why is that?

Your first attempt said that you brought a bear into a blizzard and back into your boobs.

I did do better on my second attempt, didn’t I?

Actually, you did worse.

Worse? How so?

I could barely understand you. Over half of what you said was intelligible.
I’m growing tired of this and I feel like Lilly is left out of the conversation, which is weird to me. Usually, I don’t care about her, but writing this all down is cramping my wrist, which is also weird, considering I usually sign most of the day and also write using a pen. Then again it could be that I’m trying to hold my pad in one hand and the pen in the other just to write. I have an idea. Can we use Lilly as our translator?

She writes back, Why? She can’t see your hands. I don’t need the notebook to see where Lilly is not only curious, but also impatient. She takes out her empty hand and she sees where I’m getting at. I take her empty hand and sign, [We can talk like this.] It’s another form of sign language called Blind Sign Language. As its name dictates, it’s sign language for the blind. This way, Ikezawa can understand what I’m saying and I don’t have to rely on that stupid notepad. Lilly signs back to me [Oh, I-I see.] I presume that Ikezawa was the one who said that.

I sign to Lilly, adding not to translate back, [You can leave out the stutters, Lilly]

Lilly says [All right, but I’m still uncertain as to why you’re talking to just her and not to me as well. I would very much like to be involved in this conversation, too.]

[You will be included, too, Lilly] Just as I’m about to finish my sentence, Lilly clamps onto my hand.
She signs the next part with a glare that I didn’t know blind people could do, as well as keeping her smile, which adds to the fear factor. [As an actual person, not as just a translator.]

[Yes, ma’am.] I have never been more intimidated by a female ever since my mom broke up with my dad. The day I talk about that is the day I can properly talk and hear. [So, why are you and Ikezawa here?]

[Well after seeing you on the stairs, we wanted to see what was wrong with you.]

[What do you mean see? Last I recall you were blind as-] I feel my bones crack as soon as I bring up her eyesight. My palms feel extremely hot as soon as Lilly puts her finger on it, almost feeling like they’ll break at any minute.

[YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! SAY IT AGAIN AND I’LL FORCE YOU TO USE YOUR NOTEPAD FOR A WEEK.] I feel so scared that I just nod. As soon as she let’s go of my hand, I notice that I’m not the only one who’s afraid at the moment. I see that Ikezawa is staring at Lilly with eyes wide open. Then, she smiles and faints. Lilly apparently notices and asks me, [What happened?]

[Ikezawa just fainted.]

[Oh, dear! Why is that?]

[This might be a guess on my part, but she might have fainted because she saw, and presumably heard, you crushing my hand.]

[Oh dear, I didn’t mean to frighten her.] Hard to blame her on that. She does seem the squeamish type, if that fall is anything to go by, not to mention her burn markings. [What shall we do with her now?]

I think about it for a moment, then I ask Lilly, [Do you think you can carry Ikezawa on your back?]

Lilly shakes her head in disappointment. [I don’t think so. Even if I did I could only carry her with one hand and my cane with another.] Exactly what I was hoping for.

[I can help with that. I can support her on your back while you guide us up to the dorms.]

[Are you sure you can handle her? She is pretty heavy.]

[I helped carry a large box of who-knows-what up to the boys’ dorms.] A scene I do not want to repeat, thank you very much. [Compared to that, this should be easy.] Yeah, about as easy as two girls putting together stalls on their own.

Lilly doesn’t seem to buy my boasting, but, [Alright,] she signs with a shrug; [I’m putting her fate into your hands. Now where is she?]

[She’s to your right, still on the floor. Face the left and I’ll put her on your back.] She complies and I begin to move towards Ikezawa. As I begin to lift her, I begin to see that Lilly has a point about her weight. She’s not heavy, but she’s not exactly light, either. Upon closer inspection, I notice her scars more clearly. When she first came to Yamaku, I only noticed the burn marks on her hand. Other than that, I never noticed her scars anywhere else. This is the first time I noticed them on her face. They went all the way past her neck. Makes one wonder where else she was burned.

As I was about to look further down her skin, I felt a tap on my shoulder, knocking me out of my curiosity. It was Lilly who did so. [Are you alright over here?] She asked me.

I shook my head to snap myself further into reality. [I’m fine. Sorry.] After all that, I manage to finally get Ikezawa onto Lilly’s back. Affirming that she’s secure, me lifting Ikezawa by her back, Lilly by her left flank, we slowly manage to get Ikezawa back to her room. We occasionally stop to rearrange our hands to make sure she doesn’t fall off. Arriving in front of the dorms, I feel a bit of shifting. I want to ask but choose not to.

When we arrive, we lay Ikezawa on her bed. Looking at the time, it’s a little past 5:00PM. Afterwards, my stomach growls, causing me to cringe. [Hungry?] Lilly asks.

[A little.] I admit.

[That growl I heard did not sound like “a little”.] From a little movement on the bed earlier, I see someone else agrees. [When was the last time you ate?]

[I believe this morning before talking to Hisao.]

[And you didn’t eat since?]

[I was stunned on the steps. What do you think?]

Lilly shakes her head. [Fair point. What would you like to eat, then?]

I gave it a bit of thought, and, [Would you two like some Chinese?]

I see a smile on Lilly’s face, along with a jolt up from a certain purple-haired girl. [I think I’ll take that as a yes. Are there any nearby?]

[There’s one that delivers. Hisao, Misha and I had some when he was on the council and Misha was teaching him some sign.]

[Do you know its number?] I write the number down on some paper and hand it to Ikezawa, who proceeds to put it into her phone. As she was calling the restaurant, Lilly continued talking to me.

[Now while she is placing our orders, do you mind telling us what happened to you this morning?]

[First of all, for me, can you ask for her to place an order for a Chinese omelette for me?] Another growl. I chuckle mutely, [Maybe with some Dumplings?]

[I’ll do that.]

[Secondly, I was there because of Hisao.]

[Hisao? Did he break up with you or something?]

[Actually, it was kind of more like I broke up with him.]

[Really? Why exactly was that?] Just as I was about to reply, Lilly stopped me [Wait a moment. Does it have to do with you and Misha?]

I am stunned. [How do you know about that?]

[I’ve known about it for a while. I’ve told Hisao the same yesterday.]

I begin to stutter in disbelief.

Yes, I can stutter. I may be mute but that doesn’t mean I can’t make noise.

Lilly chuckles and takes back my hand, [It seems I took you off guard. Yes, I talked with Hisao yesterday during lunch about both the three of you and his business in the Student Council.]

[Did you learn anything more about Hisao and Misha?]

[Not so much as Misha, but Hisao does seem to be picking up on your habits.] I’m not sure whether to feel praised or insulted. [He also seems to like working on the Student Council with you, which is still bizarre to me.]

I look down. [Can we please not talk about the Student Council?]

[I’m surprised. Normally you like to talk about it. Why the sudden change?]

[I could ask you the same about you trying to break my wrist. You know that I can’t talk to you otherwise if Ikezawa wasn’t here.] Ikezawa blushes. I guess she’s done ordering as I don’t see the phone in her hand.

Lilly nods. [Good point. I guess my anger got the better of me.] Ikezawa and I have the same suspicious look. Who is this woman and why does she look like Lilly? [Regardless, why does the student council bother you now?]

[Well, let’s start from this morning.] I tell them both about what happened.





This wasn't the way I originally meant for the chapter to end this way but I didn't want to exceed 2,000 words. This will be rectified next chapter. Also, does anyone know how to do the line separation?
Last edited by Jake Zero on Sat May 28, 2016 5:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat May 28, 2016 7:14 am

Quite different from the last version I got to see :-)

What do you mean be "line separation"?

_____________________________________________________________________

Something like this?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Jake Zero
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Jake Zero » Sat May 28, 2016 10:05 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:Quite different from the last version I got to see :-)

What do you mean be "line separation"?

_____________________________________________________________________

Something like this?
I took what you told me into account and fixed up a few things such as the timing on when Hisao starts to learn sign. I couldn't remember when it was so I used the visual novel for help.

Yeas, that is indeed what I mean.

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swampie2
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by swampie2 » Sat May 28, 2016 5:51 pm

I'd personally recommend some way for showing text written on a pad besides italics, but that could just be me. :lol:
Jake Zero wrote:Given what I’ve seen I can hardly believe that.

---

...Over half of what you said was intelligible.
I think this block of text was meant to be italicized?
I was Lilly who did so.
It was.


It has been a while, but I'm glad to see you stuck around. :)
Can you also recommend me to others here, dude?
If you mean that you'd like help editing I'd be happy to help out!
One Shots - My stories thread.

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Jake Zero
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Re: The Three Evils

Post by Jake Zero » Sat May 28, 2016 6:06 pm

swampie2 wrote:I'd personally recommend some way for showing text written on a pad besides italics, but that could just be me. :lol:
How so?
swampie2 wrote:
Jake Zero wrote:Given what I’ve seen I can hardly believe that.

---

...Over half of what you said was intelligible.
I think this block of text was meant to be italicized?
I was Lilly who did so.
It was.
Thanks for that. they have been corrected.
swampie2 wrote:
Can you also recommend me to others here, dude?
If you mean that you'd like help editing I'd be happy to help out!
Thanks. Can you PM me your email so I can keep you in mind for the next chapter and on?

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Re: The Three Evils

Post by swampie2 » Sat May 28, 2016 6:20 pm

Jake Zero wrote:How so?

Italics doesn't really have a start or an end.

If you're writing multiple lines, it might be a little hard to differentiate where that person's speech ends.

And the next begins.



{But if you use something like this.}

{Then it's pretty easy to see at a glance.}

{And reads a little easier.}

Again though, that's personal preference. I'll shoot you a PM. :)
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