Thanks a lot for reading and be sure to let me know what you think
Contents:
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
Isolation [Chapter 1]
-
RandomHuman
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 9:32 am
Isolation [Chapter 1]
Hey so this is a new fanfiction I have been wanting to write for a while now but until now I haven't had the time. I really have to thank Brythain, Not only for the editing but also for helping me fix a pretty big problem I had with the story.
Thanks a lot for reading and be sure to let me know what you think
Contents:
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
Thanks a lot for reading and be sure to let me know what you think
Contents:
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
Last edited by RandomHuman on Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Oh yes the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it" – Rafiki, Lion King
"This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken.... but it's still good...." - Stitch, Lilo and Stich
"This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken.... but it's still good...." - Stitch, Lilo and Stich
-
RandomHuman
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 9:32 am
Re: Isolation
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
=====
"Hanako?"
I keep my eyes glued to the tiles on the floor. The only response I give is my hand rising to my hair, making sure none of my scarring is visible.
The large man in front of me gets on one knee, taking me by surprise as I look at him, my head still bowed. His name is Taiki, a care worker from my old orphanage... the only one who cared enough to take the hour long drive to drop me off at my new school. A third man I didn't know had shown us to my new room but I didn't want to move... I was scared.
I should explain myself. I'm Hanako Ikezawa, and when I was eight years old... there was... an accident. I'm not sure why I call it that... everyone knew it wasn't. My father was an important Japanese politician, and focused solely on making corporations become more environmentally friendly... but, that would cost them a lot of money so they didn't like my father. They would often send letters to our house. At first they didn't faze him—he just shrugged it off as a joke... but then, it happened.
I remember every small detail. No matter how much I try and forget, the dreams still haunt me... They used to torture me so much that I had to sleep in a converted attic in the orphanage as not to disturb the other children with my screams for help.
It started out a normal day: my father and I were just finishing a game of chess before bed when there was a knock at the door. My father had no clue... how could he? The men came, and they hit him once he had confirmed he was the one they wanted, and he shouted towards my mother to take me upstairs. I don't know how he did it but none of the three men came after us... but we could hear everything, even with my mother lying on top of me, trying to shelter me from the sounds of my father being violently attacked.
Eventually the noises stopped... they... they started talking, "What the fuck, they never said anything about a kid... I'm NOT killing a little girl..." At this point my mothers heartbeat had slowed down, her skin cold and she gripped me tighter. All I could do was try not to cry, but I couldn't help it and the men must have heard me.
"What?! you would kill a random guy but not a random little girl? How the fuck does that make any sense? Oh for fuck sakes listen to her if we don..." Suddenly my mother perked up as sirens could be heard from a few streets away, the men apparently heard it too, "Oh shit! Quick, just lock them upstairs and let the fire take care of them.."
I was ... It was... long story short, my mother died there lying on top of me and the fact she was there means that the firemen could actually save me. I wasn't unscathed... half my body is covered with leathery ugly reminders, things that amused the children at the school I attended.
The orphanage never did anything when I came home crying, they thought since my parents died I just cried over anything and never really listened... nobody except Taiki. Whenever I came back with tears in my eyes and went straight to my 'room' to avoid the jeers, he would come up after me with a tea tray and my favourite toy, a doll with long dark hair that a child had ripped accidentally, leaving several stitches along her neck. I called her Takara since it was the one thing in the orphanage apart from the books in the library I enjoyed being alone with. It wasn't much, but whenever Taiki came and tried to make me feel better, even when the day was so bad I would still be crying just having him to talk to make me feel better...
But now he will leave me. I will be alone again.
"Well... if you won't talk to me, I know someone who will..." even though I am now twelve years of age my eyes still light up when I see the old scarred doll, grabbing it from Taiki's hands, but my head still remains bowed, making him smile, "You know Hanako... I'm going to miss you..." His words catch me by surprise as the teacher who had escorted us moves away.
"Remember when you first came to the orphanage? You where so shy and wouldn't socialise with anyone, but here you are now, ready to start your own adventure! I am so proud of you, Hanako, and to keep you from forgetting us all... I've convinced them to let you have Takara." I really don't know what to say. Whenever I was allowed Takara it was only for a couple of hours before the other younger children wanted to play with it... she was the one thing in the world that I told anything to, about the fire... about the bullying. I know it sounds silly but she was my best friend.
"T...Th...thank you..." I feel the familiar tears stream down my chin and before I realise what's happening I start to panic... what if someone gets here early and sees me crying on my first day... "But...igottagodosomething." I give Taiki a small hug and enter my dorm, shutting the door behind me and hugging my 'new' doll. As I hear him sigh and walk away I just sit there... wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into.
I mean, I have a couple of days before school starts, just to myself. But what about the other people? What if their disabilities aren't as obvious as mine? Would they just stare at me, even make fun of me... but what if it's even worse... what if some people see me and feel pity on me? I mean, what was worse than all the bullying... what was worse than every name and every childhood torment imaginable, was when one of them said, "Guys, come on... don't you think she has had enough?"
It made me feel low... like they had broken me down so much that it had even become obvious to themselves. I hated when they tried to 'protect' me because in the end it meant I was no more than a hindrance. Someone that needed to be looked down upon just so they could be nice to me.
But hopefully it won't happen here. The room looks a lot nicer than my old one: if it's not for the blank space on the wall where the mirror used to be it would feel like a normal teenager's room, even if it is slightly bare. I stand and slowly move to the desk beneath a small window that has an overview of the gardens. There are no people around, but the gardens themselves look mesmerising, even with only the dim path lights illuminating them. The mix of cheerful yellow, red and white makes me think it may be pleasant to take a walk before more people arrive next week for school.
While looking at the scenery a yawn escapes my lips. Remembering where I am, I quickly close the blinds to the single window and examine my surroundings. Yamaku is a well funded school apparently, so it's no surprise that the rooms are extremely spacious and furnished with the basic things I need, Desk, bed, bookshelves... but no attached bathroom. I look again, but the only door is to a small wardrobe with my clothes in already packed. But... How do I shower in a shared space? I mean... what if everything happens again?
Just the thought makes me panic. I can already hear the jeers and laughs of the other girls in my middle school when P.E. came around. I fall to the floor clasping my ears, pleading for mercy to try and get the voices to shut up but it won't happen and before I realise what's happening the voices and jeers pull me in...
Opening my eyes I see my worst nightmare, no longer am I at Yamaku but I'm back in middle school... the third week back at school. Me and about 30 other children are huddled into a small, compact room with no stalls, just hooks with seats below them. As usual I try waiting, sitting in the corner with my eyes down and legs up to my chest. It seems to be working until one girl, already changed, notices me as the only one with no P.E. kit on.
"Look, Ikezawa won't get changed!"
Suddenly all eyes are on me, giving me curious glances as a couple more intimidating girls approach me, I just look down and try to pretend they're not there, that this isn't real and has already happened and that they can't hurt me but its no use... I look up and they're still there, all eyes on me. One popular girl is right up against my face, but as I instinctively go for my scarred side to cover it she grabs my wrist, pulling up my sleeves to expose the leathery skin.
"She didn't last week either! What's wrong? Too scared to show these stupid things?" A large group laughs, I try to pull away but it makes the scars on my wrist sting.
A couple of the more timid girls quickly finish packing up and run away, wanting no part in my humiliation but apart from that the world around me seems to stop. Tears are forming in my eyes and all I can muster are small quiet sobs, begging them to stop but to no avail.
The main girl seems buoyed by the backing of our classmates and pulls me by the wrist from my corner into the middle of the room, making my sobs quicker, my face now flaring with a heat I didn't know was possible.
"So, everyone, how do you like your Ikezawa? Personally this is just how I like it, plain on one side..." She rips the other side of my blouse off, exposing my arm and half my torso. Too young for a bra I try to cover my shame but its to no use and I just fall to my knees, screaming cries for mercy to the girl even though I know it won't change anything. I know line for line how this plays out, but I'm powerless to stop it, it's like reliving the same bad dream over and over again, but the difference is this was real... all I can do is close my eyes and wait for it to be over...
...BANG! ...BANG! ...BANG!!!!
"Ikezawa... HANAKO! It's ok... it's just a dream, calm down." I feel someone come over and wrap a pair of delicate arms around me, I lean into them but my sobbing and screaming don't quieten down for even a moment.
I open my eyes and realise where I am... back in my dormitory and back into safety. My crying doesn't subside and for some reason I feel compelled to thank the strange figure, but in my hysterical state all that escape my lips are several thank yous, over and over again between my sobs.
"Shhh... its ok now... nobody will hurt you here... you're safe..."
I don't know how long we stay like that; it's perhaps ten minutes before I finally stop. At some point I had grabbed Takara and am now holding her tightly to my chest. The figure that's come to comfort me is now sitting next to me, and I have a clear view of her. She's a tall, blonde figure with deep, ocean blue eyes and a ribbon keeping her hair together in a rather long ponytail, She's a very pretty woman but her glasses make her look rather dorky... something I personally think is nice.
"Are.. are you feeling ok now, Ikezawa?" She looks at me sincerely but all I can show her in return is a timid, scared expression. After all, this woman has just burst into my locked room and apparently knows my name, "Oh yeah... sorry, I'm Miss Moto... my word, you must be petrified! I'm the live-in nurse for this set of dorms ... I was told to keep an ear out for you... are you ok?"
I nod silently and keep my face low, looking up and bringing my hand to my scars, "I...I'm fine." I don't sound at all convincing but hopefully she takes the hint and leaves me to sleep, all I want to do is forget this ever happened... or try to at least.
"Ok...Ok... but I'm the first right on the bottom floor if you need anything... no matter what time it is, right?" I nod and she gives me one last searching look before she nods back and leaves.
I wipe the tears away from my face and grab the crinkled up tin foil on my desk to try and check that my hair is in fact covering my scars. It takes me a while, as usual, but I eventually see that it is. It's a real pain not being able to look in the mirror... but I'm just not ready for it yet. I hate the way the fire... it's like looking at someone who isn't me, and I hate it. The last time I looked at my own direct reflection was a few weeks ago: my psychiatrist thought it would help me but seeing it.. the horrible reminders of that night... My fingers automatically twitch over my non-scarred wrist, the cuts still looking fresh.
Sighing, I quickly get changed into my pyjamas and jump into bed. I snuggle up with Takara as tight as I can. A pathetic smile spreads over my face... at least I'll have one friend this year.
Next>>
=====
"Hanako?"
I keep my eyes glued to the tiles on the floor. The only response I give is my hand rising to my hair, making sure none of my scarring is visible.
The large man in front of me gets on one knee, taking me by surprise as I look at him, my head still bowed. His name is Taiki, a care worker from my old orphanage... the only one who cared enough to take the hour long drive to drop me off at my new school. A third man I didn't know had shown us to my new room but I didn't want to move... I was scared.
I should explain myself. I'm Hanako Ikezawa, and when I was eight years old... there was... an accident. I'm not sure why I call it that... everyone knew it wasn't. My father was an important Japanese politician, and focused solely on making corporations become more environmentally friendly... but, that would cost them a lot of money so they didn't like my father. They would often send letters to our house. At first they didn't faze him—he just shrugged it off as a joke... but then, it happened.
I remember every small detail. No matter how much I try and forget, the dreams still haunt me... They used to torture me so much that I had to sleep in a converted attic in the orphanage as not to disturb the other children with my screams for help.
It started out a normal day: my father and I were just finishing a game of chess before bed when there was a knock at the door. My father had no clue... how could he? The men came, and they hit him once he had confirmed he was the one they wanted, and he shouted towards my mother to take me upstairs. I don't know how he did it but none of the three men came after us... but we could hear everything, even with my mother lying on top of me, trying to shelter me from the sounds of my father being violently attacked.
Eventually the noises stopped... they... they started talking, "What the fuck, they never said anything about a kid... I'm NOT killing a little girl..." At this point my mothers heartbeat had slowed down, her skin cold and she gripped me tighter. All I could do was try not to cry, but I couldn't help it and the men must have heard me.
"What?! you would kill a random guy but not a random little girl? How the fuck does that make any sense? Oh for fuck sakes listen to her if we don..." Suddenly my mother perked up as sirens could be heard from a few streets away, the men apparently heard it too, "Oh shit! Quick, just lock them upstairs and let the fire take care of them.."
I was ... It was... long story short, my mother died there lying on top of me and the fact she was there means that the firemen could actually save me. I wasn't unscathed... half my body is covered with leathery ugly reminders, things that amused the children at the school I attended.
The orphanage never did anything when I came home crying, they thought since my parents died I just cried over anything and never really listened... nobody except Taiki. Whenever I came back with tears in my eyes and went straight to my 'room' to avoid the jeers, he would come up after me with a tea tray and my favourite toy, a doll with long dark hair that a child had ripped accidentally, leaving several stitches along her neck. I called her Takara since it was the one thing in the orphanage apart from the books in the library I enjoyed being alone with. It wasn't much, but whenever Taiki came and tried to make me feel better, even when the day was so bad I would still be crying just having him to talk to make me feel better...
But now he will leave me. I will be alone again.
"Well... if you won't talk to me, I know someone who will..." even though I am now twelve years of age my eyes still light up when I see the old scarred doll, grabbing it from Taiki's hands, but my head still remains bowed, making him smile, "You know Hanako... I'm going to miss you..." His words catch me by surprise as the teacher who had escorted us moves away.
"Remember when you first came to the orphanage? You where so shy and wouldn't socialise with anyone, but here you are now, ready to start your own adventure! I am so proud of you, Hanako, and to keep you from forgetting us all... I've convinced them to let you have Takara." I really don't know what to say. Whenever I was allowed Takara it was only for a couple of hours before the other younger children wanted to play with it... she was the one thing in the world that I told anything to, about the fire... about the bullying. I know it sounds silly but she was my best friend.
"T...Th...thank you..." I feel the familiar tears stream down my chin and before I realise what's happening I start to panic... what if someone gets here early and sees me crying on my first day... "But...igottagodosomething." I give Taiki a small hug and enter my dorm, shutting the door behind me and hugging my 'new' doll. As I hear him sigh and walk away I just sit there... wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into.
I mean, I have a couple of days before school starts, just to myself. But what about the other people? What if their disabilities aren't as obvious as mine? Would they just stare at me, even make fun of me... but what if it's even worse... what if some people see me and feel pity on me? I mean, what was worse than all the bullying... what was worse than every name and every childhood torment imaginable, was when one of them said, "Guys, come on... don't you think she has had enough?"
It made me feel low... like they had broken me down so much that it had even become obvious to themselves. I hated when they tried to 'protect' me because in the end it meant I was no more than a hindrance. Someone that needed to be looked down upon just so they could be nice to me.
But hopefully it won't happen here. The room looks a lot nicer than my old one: if it's not for the blank space on the wall where the mirror used to be it would feel like a normal teenager's room, even if it is slightly bare. I stand and slowly move to the desk beneath a small window that has an overview of the gardens. There are no people around, but the gardens themselves look mesmerising, even with only the dim path lights illuminating them. The mix of cheerful yellow, red and white makes me think it may be pleasant to take a walk before more people arrive next week for school.
While looking at the scenery a yawn escapes my lips. Remembering where I am, I quickly close the blinds to the single window and examine my surroundings. Yamaku is a well funded school apparently, so it's no surprise that the rooms are extremely spacious and furnished with the basic things I need, Desk, bed, bookshelves... but no attached bathroom. I look again, but the only door is to a small wardrobe with my clothes in already packed. But... How do I shower in a shared space? I mean... what if everything happens again?
Just the thought makes me panic. I can already hear the jeers and laughs of the other girls in my middle school when P.E. came around. I fall to the floor clasping my ears, pleading for mercy to try and get the voices to shut up but it won't happen and before I realise what's happening the voices and jeers pull me in...
Opening my eyes I see my worst nightmare, no longer am I at Yamaku but I'm back in middle school... the third week back at school. Me and about 30 other children are huddled into a small, compact room with no stalls, just hooks with seats below them. As usual I try waiting, sitting in the corner with my eyes down and legs up to my chest. It seems to be working until one girl, already changed, notices me as the only one with no P.E. kit on.
"Look, Ikezawa won't get changed!"
Suddenly all eyes are on me, giving me curious glances as a couple more intimidating girls approach me, I just look down and try to pretend they're not there, that this isn't real and has already happened and that they can't hurt me but its no use... I look up and they're still there, all eyes on me. One popular girl is right up against my face, but as I instinctively go for my scarred side to cover it she grabs my wrist, pulling up my sleeves to expose the leathery skin.
"She didn't last week either! What's wrong? Too scared to show these stupid things?" A large group laughs, I try to pull away but it makes the scars on my wrist sting.
A couple of the more timid girls quickly finish packing up and run away, wanting no part in my humiliation but apart from that the world around me seems to stop. Tears are forming in my eyes and all I can muster are small quiet sobs, begging them to stop but to no avail.
The main girl seems buoyed by the backing of our classmates and pulls me by the wrist from my corner into the middle of the room, making my sobs quicker, my face now flaring with a heat I didn't know was possible.
"So, everyone, how do you like your Ikezawa? Personally this is just how I like it, plain on one side..." She rips the other side of my blouse off, exposing my arm and half my torso. Too young for a bra I try to cover my shame but its to no use and I just fall to my knees, screaming cries for mercy to the girl even though I know it won't change anything. I know line for line how this plays out, but I'm powerless to stop it, it's like reliving the same bad dream over and over again, but the difference is this was real... all I can do is close my eyes and wait for it to be over...
...BANG! ...BANG! ...BANG!!!!
"Ikezawa... HANAKO! It's ok... it's just a dream, calm down." I feel someone come over and wrap a pair of delicate arms around me, I lean into them but my sobbing and screaming don't quieten down for even a moment.
I open my eyes and realise where I am... back in my dormitory and back into safety. My crying doesn't subside and for some reason I feel compelled to thank the strange figure, but in my hysterical state all that escape my lips are several thank yous, over and over again between my sobs.
"Shhh... its ok now... nobody will hurt you here... you're safe..."
I don't know how long we stay like that; it's perhaps ten minutes before I finally stop. At some point I had grabbed Takara and am now holding her tightly to my chest. The figure that's come to comfort me is now sitting next to me, and I have a clear view of her. She's a tall, blonde figure with deep, ocean blue eyes and a ribbon keeping her hair together in a rather long ponytail, She's a very pretty woman but her glasses make her look rather dorky... something I personally think is nice.
"Are.. are you feeling ok now, Ikezawa?" She looks at me sincerely but all I can show her in return is a timid, scared expression. After all, this woman has just burst into my locked room and apparently knows my name, "Oh yeah... sorry, I'm Miss Moto... my word, you must be petrified! I'm the live-in nurse for this set of dorms ... I was told to keep an ear out for you... are you ok?"
I nod silently and keep my face low, looking up and bringing my hand to my scars, "I...I'm fine." I don't sound at all convincing but hopefully she takes the hint and leaves me to sleep, all I want to do is forget this ever happened... or try to at least.
"Ok...Ok... but I'm the first right on the bottom floor if you need anything... no matter what time it is, right?" I nod and she gives me one last searching look before she nods back and leaves.
I wipe the tears away from my face and grab the crinkled up tin foil on my desk to try and check that my hair is in fact covering my scars. It takes me a while, as usual, but I eventually see that it is. It's a real pain not being able to look in the mirror... but I'm just not ready for it yet. I hate the way the fire... it's like looking at someone who isn't me, and I hate it. The last time I looked at my own direct reflection was a few weeks ago: my psychiatrist thought it would help me but seeing it.. the horrible reminders of that night... My fingers automatically twitch over my non-scarred wrist, the cuts still looking fresh.
Sighing, I quickly get changed into my pyjamas and jump into bed. I snuggle up with Takara as tight as I can. A pathetic smile spreads over my face... at least I'll have one friend this year.
Next>>
"Oh yes the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it" – Rafiki, Lion King
"This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken.... but it's still good...." - Stitch, Lilo and Stich
"This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little and broken.... but it's still good...." - Stitch, Lilo and Stich
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
Man that was dark. As conflicted as it made me feel, it's a fantastic piece. Mark me down as interested (and hoping for a happy ending?).
I was ready to point out that Lilly hadn't moved in, then you went and solved that problem.
I was ready to point out that Lilly hadn't moved in, then you went and solved that problem.
One Shots - My stories thread.
-
Hesmiyu
- Posts: 179
- Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2015 7:07 am
- Location: England, United Kingdom, British Isles, Europe, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
Ooo a Hanako story where Hanako is the Main Character 
. When you described Miss Moto I thought it was Lilly too. Due to distraction after reading description, I kept wondering why 'Lilly' was wearing glasses 
. Part of me thinks the description of Moto was put like that on purpose . Good job so far and I'll be reading more.
. When you described Miss Moto I thought it was Lilly too. Due to distraction after reading description, I kept wondering why 'Lilly' was wearing glasses . Part of me thinks the description of Moto was put like that on purpose . Good job so far and I'll be reading more.The line below is false.
The line above is true.
Being disabled is just differently abled differently labelled.
My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221
The line above is true.
Being disabled is just differently abled differently labelled.
My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221
-
Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6119
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
A bit too dakr for my tastes...
Well, since I read the chapter I might as well give some feedback:
A bit further down it gets quite chaotic because the dream scenes are indistinguishabe from the rest of the narrative. Sometimes this can be done for effect, but here it doesn't seem to be intentional and is just confusing.
Otherwise the writing is fine - I'm not sure what the purpose of the backstory of Hanako's father is going to serve...
Well, since I read the chapter I might as well give some feedback:
She would have been fifteen when she started at Yamaku, not twelve.even though I am now twelve years of age my eyes still light up
A bit further down it gets quite chaotic because the dream scenes are indistinguishabe from the rest of the narrative. Sometimes this can be done for effect, but here it doesn't seem to be intentional and is just confusing.
Otherwise the writing is fine - I'm not sure what the purpose of the backstory of Hanako's father is going to serve...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
I think the 'twelve years' part is when she's being bullied before Yamaku. In earlier drafts I believe RandomHuman used italics or something to distinguish the sections, which should help.Mirage_GSM wrote:A bit too dakr for my tastes...
Well, since I read the chapter I might as well give some feedback:She would have been fifteen when she started at Yamaku, not twelve.even though I am now twelve years of age my eyes still light up
A bit further down it gets quite chaotic because the dream scenes are indistinguishabe from the rest of the narrative. Sometimes this can be done for effect, but here it doesn't seem to be intentional and is just confusing.
Otherwise the writing is fine - I'm not sure what the purpose of the backstory of Hanako's father is going to serve...
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
I know I have a reputation as a bit of a sadist but fuck... This may be a little too dark even for me. 
Still, the inclusion of Miss Moto is a nice touch, and the obvious similarities with a certain other blonde actually makes their backstory make a little more sense. Fantastic work, Random!
Still, the inclusion of Miss Moto is a nice touch, and the obvious similarities with a certain other blonde actually makes their backstory make a little more sense. Fantastic work, Random!
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HoneyBakedHam
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:45 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
First comment on a story in so long! Well, here it goes:
Everyone is saying it's too dark or sadistic for their taste, but, in a way, it's giving us a good dark representation of the scary shit that could run through Hanako's mind; the kind of stuff that would make someone freeze up (at the very least) and possibly break down into a crying frenzy. The fact that it made me think "Holy shit!" means that it did its purpose.
Everyone is saying it's too dark or sadistic for their taste, but, in a way, it's giving us a good dark representation of the scary shit that could run through Hanako's mind; the kind of stuff that would make someone freeze up (at the very least) and possibly break down into a crying frenzy. The fact that it made me think "Holy shit!" means that it did its purpose.
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Hesmiyu
- Posts: 179
- Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2015 7:07 am
- Location: England, United Kingdom, British Isles, Europe, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
I actually didn't get a dark vibe strangely enough, maybe that is because I've read darker fics.
The line below is false.
The line above is true.
Being disabled is just differently abled differently labelled.
My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221
The line above is true.
Being disabled is just differently abled differently labelled.
My art: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=10190
Swim story(Currently 11 chapters long) http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=10221
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
I think we're tied at 3-all: Mirage, Swampie and Sharp-O have various degrees of 'dark'; HoneyBakedHam, Hesmiyu and I don't think so. I don't think it's the horrific kind of dark, although it might be the uneasy/disturbing psychological dark to some. My version of Miki's origin story had her hand dissolved in hydrofluoric acid and I didn't get those kinds of complaints.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
brythain wrote:My version of Miki's origin story had her hand dissolved in hydrofluoric acid
I think the only I see this as this as dark is because I just OD'd on sharp's universe where everything is pretty chill. Between reading this and Developments I've begun an never ending spiral into depression.
One Shots - My stories thread.
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
If you have Developments with you, you should relax as you walk into the light (well, after detours into deliberate episodes of mislead-the-reader).swampie2 wrote:brythain wrote:My version of Miki's origin story had her hand dissolved in hydrofluoric acid
I think the only I see this as this as dark is because I just OD'd on sharp's universe where everything is pretty chill. Between reading this and Developments I've begun an never ending spiral into depression.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
brythain wrote:I think we're tied at 3-all: Mirage, Swampie and Sharp-O have various degrees of 'dark'; HoneyBakedHam, Hesmiyu and I don't think so. I don't think it's the horrific kind of dark, although it might be the uneasy/disturbing psychological dark to some. My version of Miki's origin story had her hand dissolved in hydrofluoric acid and I didn't get those kinds of complaints.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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HoneyBakedHam
- Posts: 339
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- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
HA..HA..wait, wha?!brythain wrote:brythain wrote:I think we're tied at 3-all: Mirage, Swampie and Sharp-O have various degrees of 'dark'; HoneyBakedHam, Hesmiyu and I don't think so. I don't think it's the horrific kind of dark, although it might be the uneasy/disturbing psychological dark to some. My version of Miki's origin story had her hand dissolved in hydrofluoric acid and I didn't get those kinds of complaints.
How did I miss that the first time?!
Re: Isolation [Chapter 1]
The thought of Hanako getting her scars through torture never did cross my mind even once, so naturally I was very disturbed.
However I still like it a lot so I'm going to eagerly await for more.
However I still like it a lot so I'm going to eagerly await for more.