Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [11/25/17]

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Post by Riakai » Mon Dec 14, 2015 3:40 pm

Sharp-O wrote:Just caught up and while we're still in the early days of Hisao adjusting, you're taking it in a slightly different direction that's keeping me interested. Yuu being an artist is cool (he may get on with Taro!) and I'm interested to see just what Ayao's deal is...

Good work, keep it up, etc etc :D
I'm gonna play around with Yuu a good bit in the later sections, definitely. Thanks for the encouragement, it's the best payment I can receive in this medium~

Mirage_GSM wrote:-snip-
Ah, apologies on all that. Good amount of that was in the section I had to rewrite. So I didn't edit it as much & paid a touch less attention to the detail.

As for the door, I could've sworn there was a reference made to a back door at least once. I'll edit that bit out, though.

TyronePotato wrote:Very good story so far, hope to see more soon! :D
Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying what I've got out. Gonna put a few more parts out tonight, hopefully.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:15 pm

Ah, I think I know what you meant now. There are indeed a few japanese classrooms that have two entrances - on in the front of the classroom and one further back.
The VN never explicitly references this one way or the other, but there is at least one instance (maybe more) where Shizune and Misha block the exit (singular) to prevent Hisao from getting away.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Post by Riakai » Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:17 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Ah, I think I know what you meant now. There are indeed a few japanese classrooms that have two entrances - on in the front of the classroom and one further back.
The VN never explicitly references this one way or the other, but there is at least one instance (maybe more) where Shizune and Misha block the exit (singular) to prevent Hisao from getting away.
Fairs, fairs. I edited it to say she simply left the class.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/14/15]

Post by Riakai » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:51 pm

  • Act 1
    Scene 4: Running the Press
Hisao hits the track for some exercise.

By the time I wake up again, the room was already filled with the bright light of early morning. I slept like a rock, but I don't really remember what went down in my dreams. Cold sleep, I guess.

I get out of bed and shower, thankfully uneventful in design. I put on my uniform and step out of the dorms with a sigh, taking my time to walk across the campus to the school buildings. In the middle of the massive field of greenery, I sit down on one of the path's benches, leaning back and looking into the bright blue skyline and dull clouds as they scroll alongside the horizon. Eventually I feel a drop of rain, slowly raising in the cacophony of morning, to a casual mist. I hop off of the bench quickly, stepping back to my dorm at as quick a pace as I could muster. When I step in the door, I glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It reads out 6:30, which is... Mildly early. I glance at my pill bottles and sigh, taking one from it and downing it alongside water. Probably for the best that I came back, since I just now managed to take my damned pill for the day. Even last night, I still forgot.

I glance at the bundle of clothes in the corner of my room, tilting my head and realizing I forgot completely about the track meeting I promised yesterday. At least I have a viable excuse, but... It's not too late to go today, I guess. I grab the shorts from the corner and toss the button up shirt onto my bed, pulling on my old gym shirt. Since I don't have gym here at Yamaku, I don't have a uniform for it. So I'll just use this, I guess.

I step out into the slight mist, and walk down to the track, the morning mist leaving along the way, before glancing down to it from atop a slight incline and sighing.

As if answering my calls, a twin tailed girl comes bolting around the track, a furiously focused grin, almost carnivorous in design, crossed her face. I take awkward steps down the hill, raising an eyebrow at the track until she comes bolting around.

I slowly contemplate turning around and walking back to my dorm, to get more sleep, but by the time my heel turns, she's up and waving at me cautiously.

"Hi! Are you the "weary eyed kid" that the Nurse told me about?"

"I... Sure? He told me to come to the track, yes." Do I really look that weary? Oh boy.

"Come on then, I'm Emi, are you... Niki?"

"Nakai, Hisao. Just... Call me Hisao." I scratch the back of my neck and glance at the black track and bright white lines.

"Stop staring and start stretching!"

I never liked stretching...

She seems to notice my apprehension and grabs me by the sleeve, pulling me closer before whispering in my ear, "I hate stretches too, don't worry."

She lets go of me and drops down to the grass with a thump. I follow suit, but when I sit down I realize one very obvious fact I should have noticed a bit ago; she doesn't have legs.

From the knee down, she has... Stilts, almost. Bent paper clips made to the size of a small girl like her, basically.

She slaps my leg and frowns at me mockingly, "Stop staring, start stretching!" I feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and immediately bend to my toes, holding onto them with a wavering grip. I pull my arms back and forth, before Emi pops up to her... feet, for lack of a better word. I push myself from the ground with a grunt, and she points to the track with a giddy grin, "Let's go!" She takes off onto the track, and then stops for a moment, "So... Go?" she laughs as she pops up and down on her prosthetics.

I shake myself a bit, before stepping onto the track and jogging at almost Emi's pace. When she starts running, I increase my pace just a bit. I abandon any hopes of making that speed any time soon, and continue around the first stretch of the track, staring off at the treeline with already ragged breath.

I start counting off the steps in three's, my feet slamming against the asphalt by the time I'm halfway around the first straight stretch.

By the time I reach the second bend, I'm sweating bullets. I stop, hunching over and glancing to Emi as she gallops around the track.

That's the only word for it, galloping. She's graceful, even if she doesn't have legs. She's grown to accommodate for that much I suppose. When I was ragged and slamming my feet, she's simply gliding across the black tar surface. She looks as if she could be the hunter, hunting their prey.

For all I know, I'm the prey, with how skittish and evasive I am.

She seems the kind to run head first into problems.

She rounds the corner with a flash of air seemingly following.

I just back away until I reach a corner and get slammed with them instead.

I back off of my legs, taking onto a slight jog just to reach the finish line at least.

When I reach the line, I still have breath left in me, a small bit of… Drive. Leftover determination, a will to… well, get better for once in my existence.

I don’t know what it is, what caused it, but… I like it.

Not really, but it’s nice to know that I can keep…

I’m just gonna focus on my breathing.

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three.

I keep going, coming towards the halfway point of the first straight away. Real impressive, me. Keep going.

Even if I’m still going… My chest feels like a bargain bin pair of bongos, flailing about at an off tempo discourse.. But I keep going.

My chest feels like it’s being lit on fire and froze to ice, simultaneously, but I keep going around the corner. I spot Emi from the other side of the track, who is slowing down and watching me with… I think…

And then the thumping comes, in full strength.

My vision falls into red, cloudy red and black.

It’s happening again, isn’t it?

It drops me to my knees, the pounding of my chest filling the track with the sound of nothing but it.

One, two… Three. Count to three, Hisao.

One, two, three.

Keep counting.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

Nothing matters but the counting.

One, two, three.

Slowly, the red fades from my vision, the cloud lifting to drop me back into the track.

I drop to my rear, hands catching myself and sitting up slowly. Emi slides into my vision, my hearing coming back into place.

"--you alive down there!? Hisao?!" She leans over, as if to tug me from the ground, but I slowly move up, and she backs up, "Hisao...?"

I croak out, "I'm, fine. We should probably... Well, get to the nurse."

I push to my feet with Emi's help, and we make our way to the auxiliary building.

The second that Emi walks through the door, she bursts forth like a broken capillary in my heart, sputtering and spitting about.

"Emi, calm down, repeat, but slooooower." The nurse attempts to soothe her.

Eventually I give up on waiting for Emi to compose, and clear my throat, "I ran too much, and my heart started to hurt intensely."

"So you kept going, even when your chest was tightening?"


He turns to Emi, "Emi, what did I say ?"

"...That it's bad to let people push their limits..."

"And what did I say about bad things?"

"Don't do them..."

"Don't do them." He glances to me once more, "So, does it... feel fine?" I nod slowly before he motions me over, "Emi, mind stepping out? No eye candy for you today. We'll check up on you in a sec."

She steps out, with a constant pout still played across her childish face.

"Right then, Hisao. Lift your shirt," his tone is serious for once, leaving me to slowly lift the shirt from my ragged and still sweaty frame.

He places the stethoscope above my scar, probing at my chest with the cold steel. The tingle is less this time, but still very prevalent.

"Right... It's a bit erratic this time, which is to be expected since you did what you did. I'll keep you in here for a bit, just in case. You can lay down on the bed back there." He motions to the curtained off area.

I step inside and lay down upon the canvas bed sheets with a ploof. He calls out, "Emi, get on in here! Hisao, no peeking, you rotten scoundrel." He chuckles, before I hear the taps of Emi coming into the room.

I roll over in the canvas, facing the brick wall and, for lack of anything better to do, go about counting the bricks slowly. The Nurse and Emi talk between each other, but I zone out before falling into the pitch black of sleep.

When I come to, it's to the sound of Naomi and Natsume, chattering to the nurse; from the looks of it, I awoke in the midst of their conversation.

"--in class because he had a heart problem during an exercise."

"Hisao exercised?" Natsume says, before yelping abruptly, breaking into coarse laughter.

"Hush! He can change if he tries. He's not that... unseemly. Jeez." Naomi sighs. I roll over slightly, trying to avoid making noise.

Somehow, the canvas comes through for me. I manage to adjust just enough to see the conversation unfold through a slit in the curtains.

"Yes, he indeed can. He needs people around him to support him in these things." The nurse coughs pointedly, tilting his head towards Natsume and Naomi, "Do that much for me. I do supply your medicine, you know."

The pair both droop their heads back, before jolting back to him. Does he use that line on everyone?

"Seriously, you don't have to ask, he's fine. Bit cagey, but... He's new. I can't blame him."

I slightly grin, but that droops slightly at the "cagey" bit. I continue listening, but suddenly, a burst of air comes from the ceiling. The ventilation kicks into gear, spurting out a bit of dust and lukewarm air.

A large dust bunny floats from the ceiling, down inside of the curtained off area.

Time almost stops, just for this little dust bunny.

It floofs against my nose.

Violently sneezing, I jerk forwards from the bed, sending a cloud of specks in the air forwards as I do. The curtains jerk open, and Naomi raises an eyebrow at the scene. Natsume sighs slowly.

"...Afternoon, Hisao." Naomi removes her hand from the curtain, putting it on the back of her neck.

"Morning sleeping beauty." Natsume grins smugly, laughing at the moment.

The nurse simply smiles.

"...What'd I miss?" I lean up, turning to the side and facing the three in the room.

"Just the first half of the day, and lunch." Naomi says, Natsume nodding along, before they both turn to the nurse.

"What? He was too peaceful to just wake up. Sheesh."

I push up from the bed, but quickly feel a massive inertia pushing me back down, a quick blur sliding into my vision. I blink a few times, before orienting myself and shaking the blur away.

The nurse glances at me with a confused look plastered across it; eyebrow raised, mouth ajar, all that.

I wave my hand in the air a few times, before standing up, much slower this time.

"Am I, uh, fine to go?"

The nurse pulls a pad of paper from his desk, "I'll write a note for your teacher, all three of you. I'll also email your other teachers about why you weren't in class this morning. And no, I don't let people skip all the time. You're all just lucky little rebels."

I nod slightly, Naomi and Natsume turning their back to the nurse to face me. Naomi speaks up first, "So you're going to go to the track in the mornings?" She mutters under her breath, "It was Emi that ran with you, then? She's a loon, I tell you." Natsume nods in agreement, nudging Naomi with her elbow.

I nod slightly, before the nurse shouts out, "I heard that~!" before slamming his hand on the desk, "Here's your letter, you dirty gossipers and rebels. Get out of my office!" He chuckles, handing over the note.

Last edited by Riakai on Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:40 am, edited 5 times in total.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/14/15]

Post by freddy753 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:15 am

So far, this story is shaping up to be okay, and I'm hoping it won't be abandoned like the other attempts at Naomi/Natsume routes, but there is one thing I noticed with this scene. After Hisao's heart episode, I think you missed the part where they end up in the nurse's office. It just goes from Hisao falling over on the track to waking up in the infirmary with no transition.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/14/15]

Post by Riakai » Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:18 am

freddy753 wrote:So far, this story is shaping up to be okay, and I'm hoping it won't be abandoned like the other attempts at Naomi/Natsume routes, but there is one thing I noticed with this scene. After Hisao's heart episode, I think you missed the part where they end up in the nurse's office. It just goes from Hisao falling over on the track to waking up in the infirmary with no transition.
Da shiet.
Yeah, I did.

I'll get that now.
Sorry 'bout that.

Edit: Got it!
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/14/15]

Post by Riakai » Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:31 pm

Sharp-O wrote:Solid chapter, though you kind cut off mid-sentence at one point. "So... Go?" she laughs as she pops up and down on her and it just stops.
Shiet xD

I was trying to think of a way to describe a prosthetic, in a way other than human sized paper clips.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/15/15]

Post by Riakai » Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:43 pm

  • Act 1
    Scene 5: Newsroom Engage
Hisao "joins up" with the Newspaper Club. Temporarily. Possibly permanently. He doesn't really know.

I step out of the door with Naomi and Natsume in tow. They both slide to my sides, nudging me repeatedly, "So, so, so, so." They both sputter out the word "so" like a waterfall.

"...So?" We step out of the building together, "What?"

"So, has anyone roped you into a club?" Naomi says, one more nudge to the side.

Natsume continues nudging, before stepping a bit away and stopping, staring at the ground ahead of herself and focussing.

"No, I've... Not really thought about clubs." I respond, putting my thumbs around the elastic of my shorts.

We turn for the dorms, Natsume raising an eyebrow, "Well, do you write? Or type. Or anything, really. Useful, at least."

"I... Dunno. I've done a little bit of it, but not a whole lot. Mostly just things I've done for Japanese. I used to be told I could edit... kinda well."

Naomi stares at the side of my head, a malevolent grin forming, "We'll have to talk more when you're back."

That's foreboding.

We step up the stairs to the dorm, Naomi and Natsume taking a seat at the benches outside while I go inside to change.

I make my way to my room I open the door with a push, cringing at the thought I left it open so long. I don't want to think that Kenji got in here. I'll just have to sniff the place for cloves of garlic, probably.

When I step inside, I peel off my clothes, grabbing my shower supplies and a fresh towel, before heading to the bathroom.

I step in the shower, running the water over myself, rubbing myself over with the rag and body wash. I rinse, then turn off the shower and dry myself off with the towel.

I make my way back to my room, pulling on an undershirt, buttoning the over shirt with one hand and pulling on the canvas green pants with the other. When I finish buttoning the shirt, I grab a brush from the bedstand and drag it through my hair and toss it on my bed.

I pull on socks and shoes as I limp out of the dorm building. I glance in the glass of the door, sighing at my shoddy appearance, before stepping into the sunlight.

As if the mist foreshadowed it this morning, the sky bursts into rain in a flash of light and pattering water. Naomi and Natsume, who had been sitting on the bench outside, hopped up from it. Natsume tries to keep a reasonable pace, but ends up hobbling and biting her bottom lip until she reaches the overhang near the dorm.

"I'll go grab my umbrella."

They both nod and shudder, staring at the violent storm as it begins.

I step back into my room, scanning it for an umbrella, eventually finding one, an old wooden thing with a sticky trigger. I leave the room, making sure to lock it this time.

I exit the dorms with the umbrella in hand. I pop it open in between Naomi and Natsume, laughing slightly as they jolt. I hold it up in the air, and they both climb under it. Thankfully the thing is huge, else there wouldn't be any room for these two. They cling behind my back,

I toss my gaze back and forth, while they converse behind my back, in the literal sense, talking casually about things I can't find much stock in.

Naomi jabs me in the side with her thumb, and I jolt forwards in slight pain, after a short laugh, she turns to Natsume, "So, like we were saying before, you're not in a club, right?"

"...Right. Today is just my second day, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, we know. But the festival is this weekend. And everyone has some part in it. You came at a busy time."

"...So I did."

"Don't get all apathetic on us, dreamer boy!" Natsume jabs me with a pen, much harder than Naomi did with her thumb.

"Gah! Okay, okay! God... What are you two trying to get me to join?"

"...Oh, nothing, nothing. Nothing at all~." Naomi lilts "innocently," as we step up into the school building. I drop the umbrella back into its compact form, tapping it repeatedly against the ground before stepping inside and shaking myself of the few raindrops that did hit me.

Naomi and Natsume do the same, swiping at their skirts and such. I put one hand in my pocket and lean the umbrella over my shoulder. Naomi fishes the note from her purse, flattening it against a rail before we go upstairs to 3-3.

Stepping around, we open the door, sliding around the wall wordlessly. When the teacher glances over her shoulder, we raise the letter and she nods slowly.

"...The perks of being us." Naomi says, kicking back in her chair and almost sliding out of her desk, before pulling up and leaning against the desk.

The class goes uneventfully, and so do the others of the day.

The final bell of the day rings, and I feel it in my chest.

Even if the day was "short" in terms of class time, it felt like an eternity. I pick up all my work from the classes I missed in the morning.

I pull the bag from my side, tossing it on a nearby desk with a solid thump. I open it up and slide the numerous papers and packets into it, flipping it shut and pulling it up from the desk and to my side. Waving to the teacher, I step out of 3-3 and into the now dormant hallways. I walk towards the stairs, taking a few steps down them cautiously.

I pause, glancing over my shoulder cautiously, before pulling the book out from my bag and stepping from the stairs and into the school's foyer. Opening to my last page, I read on about the adventures of some random guy. I glance from the page to open the door, but realize I'm surrounded on both sides by Naomi and Natsume- both clutched onto my arms and grinning like madmen.

“.. Is this what an abduction feels like?” I blurt out, loosening myself slightly.

“Sure is! Save for you're being abducted by two cute girls. Which is better than the usual abduction~!”

“It's still an abduction, Naomi.” Natsume tilts her head towards me lazily, “Let's get going, my feet hurt.”

...I wonder why I ended up here sometimes.

I attempt to break free, but I'm pulled back into the vice grip by Naomi and Natsume, followed by a pout from both of them. Resigning myself to my defeat, I allow myself to be dragged back to the third floor. We head down the same hallways I take to go to the library, but by the time I see the double doors of salvation, we turn immediately right, into a room. Only one person sits in the room, her bright scarlet hair burning into my vision the moment I step through; Ayao grins widely, drooping it slightly when I step into vision.

[“So you did nab ‘im?”] Ayao says this in a fake American accent, her English casual in creation. She waves to Naomi and Natsume, standing from a computer in the nearly black room.

[“We… did, uh, got her."] Naomi responds- her English is much closer to that of mine, choppy and incorrect at times.

[“Get him. Not got her.”]

[“... Right.”] Naomi blushes, pushing me forwards into the clubroom with her arm around my back, “Alright, Hisao, if you didn't figure it out… This is the clubroom Natsume, Ayao, and I all work in here.”

I nod, glancing around at the computers and their peripherals, lined up neatly on the desks. In contrast, the desks lacking computers are cluttered with papers, photos, binders, and books.

As I look around, Natsume shuts the door with her foot.

“So, would you like to.. Uh… join? We're short of people this year and the club has a paper to put out for Tanabata this year!” Naomi looks at me, with an intense pout.

“I think it's too early for me to be deciding to go at a club like this… I don't even do much with writing or editing.”

“But you could do... much with it, if you apply yourself.” Naomi says, finger raised.

“Could, not should,” I grin slightly, leaning against the doorframe as I wag my finger.

“At least try it?” Natsume adds with an almost uncharacteristic pout.

Ayao sighs from across the room, “If he doesn't want to join, then he doesn'-”

She's cut off by a flying book, flying across the room.

When I glance down, Naomi had managed to pull a book from my bag and fling it before I could even notice.

Ayao ducks behind the computer screen, and the book slams against a pile of papers in the background. Raising an eyebrow, she settles back to work, continuing her furious tapping at the keyboard.

“Seriously, though.. We need someone to help us out. We've got an entire issue due to print for the festival, and we need to run our stand.” Naomi tents her hands in front of her legs, glancing down at the floor dejectedly, adding almost as an afterthought, “But, uh… if you don't want to join, it's fine. Honestly.“

Natsume shrugs, and steps over to Ayao, watching her work from over her shoulder.

I glance at Naomi, who is definitely not faking the puppy dog eyes plastered across her face. She seems genuine in her thoughts here.

"I'll... try it. Try. No promises. Not until I see that it's good."

"Great!" Naomi pops up in the air like a spring, wrapping me up in a hug, before pushing off of me with a blush and a grin, her lilting laugh filling up the small room.

I smile slightly, before Naomi tugs me over to the computer.

Ayao is carefully arranging numerous photos and boxes of text across the LCD screen. Natsume is nodding or shaking her head at miscellaneous intervals; she's taken a seat at this point.

I follow suit and take a seat as I glance at the screen. Naomi pushes me towards another open screen.

"I... I don't play with computers, or typing. Would you mind editing this piece for me?"
I nod slightly, skimming over the article before leaning forwards in the chair.

By the time I finish editing that article, and the rest of the group's articles, the sun is setting into bright red and orange sunset.

I stand from the chair, stretching my back. The air fills with the reverberating pops of my back, which sends Ayao into giggling, before she shuts herself up. Naomi and Natsume smile shortly, turning to an eye roll. I'm lost.

"Why are you...?" I glance towards Ayao, but she waves her hand in the air repeatedly, before standing from the desk as well. Naomi and Natsume grab their bags from the counter, and toss mine to me.

"Good job on the editing, Hisao~! Tomorrow you'll have to transcribe an article I wrote in my notebook. Oops." Naomi lilts about, as she opens the door for everyone, stepping out last.

We paused at the corner of the hallway, waiting for Ayao. She steps towards the library.

"She goes there a lot. Looks up to Yuuko for some reason." Natsume mutters.

Ayao pulls on the doors a few times, before giving up and rejoining the group.

"What? Let's get going." She sighs.

We all exit the school building, the three chatting in between themselves. They include me into the conversation a few times, but I shrug, nod, or shake my head in response to each one.

We split up at the dorms, waving to each other and yelping out goodbyes.

I fish out the key from my pants, flicking open the door and laying down on the bed. Before I let myself fall asleep, I pull my bag from my side and slide out all the papers from class today.

English, math, and science, a few notes from each and a list of problems to accompany them.

I toss them onto my desk, flipping forwards from the bed and pulling myself into my chair.

Taking a seat at my desk, I open the science textbook and begin pouring over the limited notes that Mutou left me to go over.

I fall into routine, finishing the papers by the time the clock strikes 11. I pull the curtains shut, slide out of my uniform, and press the buttons on my alarm clock. In a pair of shorts, I step out of my dorm with a glass.

"Hey! Who goes there?!" A familiar voice calls out as I step towards the fountain. Numerous deadbolts pop and fire on the door opposite of mine, before opening after an anxious wait.

As I begin to fill the cup up, the sad sight steps out in war mode. Kenji has nothing but his glasses and a scarf on.

"What are you doing out here?! This is my domain!"

"I live here."

"You...! You're that spy!" He scratches the back of his neck, "Or, well... The possible spy! Why are you here! Why do you live here!?"

"Because I was assigned here."

"I refuse to believe it! No! You're not allowed."

Almost as if on cue, a pair of doors open, "Shut up!" "Go to bed!" ring out down the hall. Kenji seems unabashed.

"Look, it's 11 pm. It's late at night. Stop shouting and go to bed." I say, stepping around him. He doesn't see me move, or... Doesn't care.

"...You win this battle, society! But mark my words. You will not win the war!"

Shutting my door with my foot, I step back inside and swallow the countless pills with the glass of water. As I toss the plastic cup into the trash can, I slide into the bed.

Naomi and Natsume, Yuu and Ayao. Those four are... interesting. They're nice enough, that much is true.

…What a group. All sorts of people here. Naomi is... fluttery and ditzy, Natsume is cagey and blunt. Yuu is social and creative, Ayao is quiet and evasive. All of them seem like they're rather smart, too.

What a group indeed.

Last edited by Riakai on Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:39 am, edited 4 times in total.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/15/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Dec 16, 2015 11:30 am

Don't be to keen to push out all of your backlog. Having a backlog is a luxury you'll wish you had kept when it's gone :-)

A few issues with the last two chapters:
Hisao is taking several kinds of pills every morning, not just one.
In this version Emi is really not to blame for Hisao being stupid, so the nurse's admonition feels a bit unfair.
Finally why where Naomi and Natsume in the nurse's office and why did they miss all morning classes?
But Tanabata is this weekend.
Did you set the story two months into the future? Canaonically it starts in the beginning of June and Tanabata is in August.
Stepping around, we find the back entrance to the classroom, sliding into our chairs wordlessly.
I thought you bricked up the back entrance in the previous chapter :-)
Resigning to my defeat,
needs a "myself" in there
“So you did nab ‘im?”
I suggest some kind of indication when someone is using a language other than Japanese - maybe italics or some kind of {brackets}.
Naomi looks at me, with an intense powith
What's a "powith"?
We paused at the corner of the hallway, waiting on Ayao.
Unless they are butlers they are probably waiting FOR her.
They seem to queue me into conversation a few times
You were probably going for "cue" but I suggest "include"
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/15/15]

Post by Riakai » Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:48 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:-snip-
I'll patch those up in a sec, editing has never been my favorite thing, but I'm making myself do it so I can get better at the damned stuff. A lot of it is just slip ups & continuity screw ups.

Thanks for hopping through and fixing stuff up for me.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/16/15]

Post by Riakai » Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:21 am

  • Act 1
    Scene 6, Part 1: Oil on the Press
The final production begins on the Festival Issue of Yamaku's newspaper.

I wake up to the piercing rhythm of my alarm clock, stabbing the sleep I earned with my long day yesterday. I fumble about for the snooze button, eventually giving up and smacking it, tugging the clock free from the plug in the wall.

I roll over and fall back asleep, thankful for the extra sleep.

A bird chirps outside. Rather loud, in… contrast to most birds. I glance up from the bed, and look out the window, then glancing to my clock.

Oh, right. I uh. Smacked it. I pull my phone from the charger on my desk, and flip it open. Twenty minutes until class starts, fun.

I peel off my leftover clothes and slide into a fresh uniform. I step into the bathroom and wet my hair, brushing my teeth with my left hand as I do. I take my morning pills and gather up all my papers for class today.

My day starts with an odd note, but classes go as planned, lunch is normal enough, and the weather is plain enough to stare at.

When the final bell of the day rings, I step out of the classroom’s door and start for the dorms, before being grabbed on the arms again.

"Ah ah ah~! Not today. Sorry~!" Naomi lilts, hooking her arm under my shoulder and popping over to stand beside me.

“Truth be told, if you just reminded me I would've went. Force isn't necessary.” Albeit I'd probably make a half baked escape attempt for no real reason.

“No chances,” Natsume says, peering over the rim of her glasses as she steps around to my side.

The halls still have a substantial amount of people wafting around them,

We arrive in the club room, but there seems to be a distinct lack of redhead in the room.

“She's probably just shadowing Yuuko today.” Naomi shrugs, pulling into a chair and tossing me a notebook from her bag, “Here, type this up~!”

I pull the notebook open, flipping through pages upon pages, each filled with notes and doodles, until I land on the bookmarked page.

I cautiously type out the article, checking any grammar as I go.

The finished product goes out to Ayao’s email, provided by Natsume.

Naomi grins ear to ear, flipping to the second bookmark, “I've ah, got more.” She smiles, leaning on the desktop with a pout, laying nearly at my hands as she stares up to me with sad little eyes.

“Your face makes me feel guilty,” I peel open the notebook to the next bookmark and start another page on the document.

“Mission accomplished~!” she giggles, spinning her chair before hopping up and stepping over to see what Natsume is doing.

By the end of this article, I realize I'll be falling into a routine soon.

I cringe at the thought.

It could be much worse, I could be stuck with Shizune and Misha. At least this lot are entertaining… those two are too serious. I couldn't see them doing much else. They don't seem the type to do much socializing, too busy being pseudo dictators or something.

I bet they dream in Risk boards.


I wake up the next morning, this time to the first alarm… no clue why, but I do. I pull on my old soccer clothes, stepping out of my dorm and into the cold morning sun. When I reach the bottom of the track, Emi is already doing sprints up and down the straightaway. She notices me, slowing to a stop and heading my way with a wave.

"So, you did come back!" She puts her hands on her hips, pouting slightly, "You didn't come yesterday, that's not good!"

I nod, "...Uh, right, yeah. Busy week."

"No excuses! Just try to come from now on, alright? I didn't think you'd come back, to be honest... That's a good sign though, that you're back! Day two is the hardest day, but uh... you skipped that. So day one again!"

She giggles a few more times, shifting on her prosthetic, before tilting her head to the side, "...Well, let's stretch."

Hopping on her false legs a few times, she bounds towards the track, before dropping down to her back and beginning to stretch. I follow along, like I did on Tuesday.

After a few pulls and twists, we both stand and walk up the first straightaway, "So! Hisao, how are you enjoying Yamaku? Is it fun?"

"I.. It's fine I suppose."

"Just fine?" She tilts her head to the side, walking backwards as she talks.

"It's not that different from my old school, to be honest. It's got cliques, clubs, and social status just like I'm used to."

"Well, that's good! Right?"


Without another word, she hops in the air slightly, turning forwards and bursting off into a run.

I take off as well, holding a similar pace to the day before last.

When I round the corner, I feel the familiar wheeze begin to set in.

I start to slow down a bit, the final bits of resistance falling in on itself. I slow to a stop, breathing heavily as I lean on my knees. Emi comes around me once, turning around when she finished sprinting the straightaway.

"No more for you today?" She pouts, sitting down, "Sure you can't do one more?"

"..No... I..." I wave a hand at her, trying to get across my exhaustion.

She nods energetically, "Well, keep coming back, alright? You can't stop so quickly, whether it be in the long run or in the short term. You'll get better if you take time to do it!" She smiles ear to ear.

"I'll... Definitely try." I push off of my knees, "I'll see you around, Emi."

"Wait! Do you want to come to lunch with me and a friend? To..." She stops talking, pulling the ‘o’ until starts speaking again, "...Morrow? Or today."

"Tomorrow would probably work the best.”

She nods slightly, "Don't skip tomorrow morning either! I'll sic the nurse on you if you don't! I'll finish my cool down up and head to the auxiliary building soon. Don't wait up for me!"

I wave goodbye to her, turning and walking towards the auxiliary building at a casual pace.

My visit with the nurse goes as expected, even without the violent Emi-crashing.

I head to class, sitting down in the now usual seat.

One thing I noticed, is that Hanako, the purple haired girl, is excessively skittish. It feels like if I turn her way, she'll burst into confetti and flee, screaming and running. It's really weird, to be honest.

They wave to me, grinning as Mutou searches about for his papers.

“So, are you ready for this weekend? It's so close~!” Naomi lilts, pulling her bag up from the side of the chair.

Natsume is knocked out by the time she hits the hard plastic of the desk.

Mutou goes over the same subject we've been reviewing all this week, something about light waves. Thankfully, I'm able to be rather lenient when it comes to attention in his class.

I read over a lot of this stuff in the hospital, anticipating my escape to be much later than it was.

The bell heralding lunch rolls in, Naomi and Natsume both pulling up from the desks with various curses and grunts.

“Gaaaaahhhh… I'm so glad it's lunch. Coming with us again, Hisao~?” Naomi smiles, grabbing both bags from the middle of Naomi and Natsume's desk.

“Yeah, definitely. Thanks again for, well, letting me hang around you guys. “

Naomi and Natsume nod, "Of course~! It only seemed natural. Are you, ah, enjoying Yamaku?" Naomi adds on.

"It's not bad." I can't say much more, it's definitely... better than expected. I was expecting mismatched humans with feet for hands, and no torsos. I got a few weird people, and a few that I could almost call a friend.

"That's good. I'm... I'm glad the school is warming up to you. Really." She smiles slightly, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

We walk towards the cafeteria, Yuu and Ayao joining us as usual. Remembering a tidbit of information, I call out to Yuu.

"Hey, you were on the track team, right?" I stuff my hands in my pockets.

"Oh, yeah. Why?" He tilts an eyebrow, jabbing me with his elbow, "Thinkin' about joining?"

"Oh, no. No no no. Sorry. I was, uh, wondering if you knew about Emi." I blink a few times, shifting my gaze about.

"Who doesn't know Emi? The girl is great. Crazy, but great. Why'd you need to know about her?" He leans forwards, walking backwards, glancing at me as if he had a pair of glasses to look over, "You interested in her or something?"

I wave my hands frantically, trying to find the right words to respond to that, "No! No no no! The nurse told me to run the track when I can, and we ended up running together sometimes.. It's nothing weird. She just..." I pause, pursing my lips, "She said she would make me lunch tomorrow?" I hush slightly.

Yuu laughs boisterously, "Jeez, Hisao. You're so uptight, it's just a lunch. Probably with her weird friend too. Still, what'd you need out of me?"

"...I figured you could fill me in on... her? If you're in the track club you'd know her."

We all step into the line. Naomi pops around, Natsume peering over her shoulder like a hawk, "What are you two talking about? All hush hush too~."

"Legs asked Hisao to get lunch with her and a friend." Yuu says, poking me in the side with his elbow. I cringe slightly and he grins back.

Naomi nods, "That's fun, then! Glad to see you're making friends, Hisao. Great to have lots of people you can talk to~!"

Natsume raises an eyebrow up, nodding at about the same pace.

Each of us get our respective lunches. I pick up a piece of bread and a can of tea.

I sit down across from Yuu. Ayao stares at me for a moment, a slight sigh crossing her lips. Naomi and Natsume stare at her, before she retreats into her notebook to write another story.

Plucking pieces of the bread, eating it casually, I lean across to Yuu, "So is she like... Crazy or something? Should I be worried?"

"She's fine, man, I promise. She's fine. The one you should be worried about is her other half."

"...Other half?"

Ayao taps the cap of the pen on, staring at me again, "Rin. Armless painter. She's talented, not crazy. Maybe a touch misunderstood. But not crazy."

I nod, smiling in response. She simply rolls her eyes and falls back into the notebook. I glance at Yuu and Naomi, both of them responding with but a shrug.

"You'll be fine though, Hisao. She's probably just curious about you."

"And that's... a good thing, right?"

"Right. Now eat your bread before I do, that kind looks better than my ramen."

I smile slightly, pulling the last few pieces up, drowning them down with the tea. I lean forwards into my notebook, glancing over notes for the last few minutes of the lunch period.

When the bell rings, we all head back to class and go about the rest of our days. Afternoon class passes uneventfully, and when the final bell rings, I wait for Naomi and Natsume.

"Hey, are you guys going to the newspaper room?" They both grin widely, nodding enthusiastically.

We step into the room, Ayao already perched in the back corner with a notebook in hand. She raises one hand and waves, acknowledging us all briefly, before diving back into her own little world.

"Right, today is basically the last day. We just have to go out and get a few pictures for the paper. Which is... Fun. Because we'll have to deal with the student council. The drill sergeant and her favorite drill."

I sigh; I haven't had to talk to them since day one, when they got all sorts of competitive. I don't know why it irked me like it did, but it did. Maybe they're fine people, but... They didn't make a very good first impression.

Natsume sighs along, "Do we haaaaaaave to."

Ayao calls out, "Yes, you do. My work is not going to waste. As much as that seems to be the norm around here."

Natsume and Naomi both glance at me, roll their eyes consecutively, and turn out of the door.

"First off, we've got to find the art room and get a camera from Nomiya.” Natsume pulls her phone from her pocket, keying in the to do on a list. “Then we'll have to go out and get pictures of Shizune and Misha... Or their work at least. We weren't going to have time for the article on those two, but since you came we've hit all our expectations ~!” Naomi grins, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, her hands behind her back.

“ We'll also have to get the ink from them. “ Natsume points towards the printer, a massive box in the corner in the room with more buttons, knobs, and slots than I'd care to count.

We all step out of the room, waving to the silent Ayao in the corner of the room.


Last edited by Riakai on Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:39 am, edited 5 times in total.
[Innumerable Fits]
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/16/15]

Post by Riakai » Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:22 am

  • Act 1
    Scene 6, Part 2: Oil on the Press
The final production begins on the Festival Issue of Yamaku's newspaper.

First stop is the art room. Nestled in the corner of the hall: We step in the room, devoid of any sort of life. Naomi bounds over to the shelf, poking around the shelves for the paper we need.

“Is there something special about this paper? Why not just use copy paper?” I ask, my voice filling the room with something more than just idle rustling and shifting.

“This paper is bigger and softer, it holds the color more than copy paper too. It's rather good for our purposes.” Natsume says, almost moving to push something up the bridge of her nose, but stopping and smiling silently. She glances through the shelf, not moving anything for some reason. She seems really lazy, smart though. Doesn't really waste words either.

“Plus, it looks and feels similar to a real newspaper~!” Naomi adds, tilting her head around as she pulls a box aside to peek inside it.

Putting it back with a frown, I ask cautiously, “So, what's it even look like? The paper. What's it in?”

“It's in a roll. Short. Thick, though.” Natsume turns from the shelf, double checking through them.

I glance around the room, searching for a roll of newspaper. My eyes land upon the desk up front, scattered with papers.

I point awkwardly to the thick roll, “Is that it?”

Natsume turns, sighing, “Yes, that is, indeed, it.”

Naomi pushes a box back into the shelf with her forehead, stepping down from the chair she'd positioned herself on top of.

She missteps, her foot falling from the hard plastic of the chair. Falling backwards from the chair, she seemingly floats. Natsume cringes, stuck in and out of moving forwards to catch her.

I try to step forward and catch her, but by the time I'm even close, she falls upon the hard linoleum, her body making a hard crack against it.

When I reach down to try and help her up, Natsume starts to frown, “Hisao, go grab something soft, anything.” I start to open my mouth to question why, but she interjects before I can, “Just do it, quickly.” Her voice remains calm and level, the frown still level across her face.

I glance around for a pillow or a blanket, and find a folded up canvas tarp, in the corner of the room underneath a few paint cans.

I pick up the posting cans- thankfully empty or close to, sitting them on the desk and pulling the tarp out and bundling it under my arm.

“Here, this should work!” I call out, stepping around the desks.

Natsume lifts Naomi's head, placing the tarp under it and sighing, Naomi is stiff and motionless, almost like a tree in the wind. She looks like she could be uprooted and snapped, like a fresh, thin, tree.

She just looks so… fragile.

Naomi eventually loosens, but doesn't move, her eyes shutting from their painfully opened state.

“We'll have to bring her to the nurse. You'll have to pick her up. I ah… can't. “

I uneasily pick her up, one arm under her back, the other under her legs. She's cold, clammy, and nearly vibrating. I grunt under her weight, stepping out of the art room slowly.

"Right, we need to be careful. We'll take the elevator downstairs."

I nod in response, stepping over to the elevator behind Natsume, "How are you so calm?" I ask, as she presses the call button for the elevator.

"This is, ah, normal for us. We both take care of each other. I'll explain it later." She smiles slightly, a genuine gesture. She sighs, putting her hands behind her neck as the elevator door slides open.

The ride down, and the walk over are silent, save for the sound of Naomi's ragged breathing. Natsume continues taking the lead, opening and holding doors open for me to step through. When we reach the nurse's office, she steps in, opening the curtain for me. The nurse nods regretfully, closing the door behind me.

"Just lay her down on the bed, Hisao. Close the curtain too. She'll need her rest for now. What caused it?"

I take a seat in a chair from the corner stack, slumping over. I breathe in a few times, trying to catch my breath from the long walk and weight of carrying Naomi here, both mental and physical.

He looks towards Natsume, then to me. Natsume waves a hand to me, before speaking, "She was trying to grab a roll of paper from a shelf. Fell when she came down from the chair she climbed up on to."

The nurse frowns, "I see. The both of you did what you could, I suppose.. Hisao, how do you, ah... feel. Is your heart fine?"

I glance towards him, tilting my head back.

My chest hurts, that much is clear,but I ignored it. I suppose it was just... I don't really know. Maybe I just felt the need to get her to safety before something else happened.

The nurse taps his pen against the rim of his coffee cup, glancing at me once more.

"It hurts, but it's not... bad. I freaked out from what happened."

Natsume nods slightly, almost in agreement or acknowledgement.

"If you don't mind me asking, Hisao, how did your first heart attack happen?"

"Well, I... It wasn't really…”

"It's fine Hisao, the situation doesn't really matter, just curious if you had similar causes to this one. Just don't over exert yourself, like you did today. You did the right thing, but keep yourself in mind too." He glances to Natsume, "Next time, call me. You should know that much."

"I was caught off guard." She frowns, falling further into her chair.

The nurse nods slightly, "It's fine." He sighs, spinning around in his chair a few times, before skidding his heels on the tile, "How are you liking Yamaku, Hisao? This week has basically been an extreme for you, I would say."

"It's alright, just a touch... Well, extreme, like you said." I put my left hand to my temple, rubbing at them in an attempt to calm the beginnings of a headache.

"Hisao, you're doing great. Most people who come into Yamaku like you are reserved and keep to themselves, but you seem to be adjusting well, especially considering your circumstances. Are you planning on going this weekend, right?"

"The festival? I don't really know." Natsume glances to me at those words.

"Well, you should go." She says, "You deserve it after this week. Naomi was already planning on dragging you to it under the guise of Newspaper Club work. We don't have to do anything though, just fill the stand and check on it once and awhile. The papers are free to take since it's just a club paper."

The nurse points his pen at her, "That's a good idea!"

The curtains from behind us all rustle a bit, and the canvas bed sheet crinkles under movement. Naomi reaches a slender hand out through the opening, peeking out of the grey light and into the dull sun of the nurse's office.

"What happened? Hisao, Natsume, did we get the paper and the camera?"

"We got the paper."

Natsume adds on to my quick statement; "We need to get the camera still, but you fell asleep. We stopped by the nurse to let you rest. Are you fine to walk?"

She nods groggily, wiping the sweat from her brow and pushing the sleep from her eyes.

"Let's go to your dorm then, alright?" Natsume stands from the chair,putting her arm around Naomi's waist and stepping out of the Nurse's office, motioning for me to follow.

"Keep up the good work, Hisao. Make sure to stop by the office again tomorrow morning after your run." He stands up from the chair, following me out of the room and
shutting the door behind me.

I speed walk to Natsume and Naomi, both shuffling up the main hallway of the auxiliary building.

"Natsume, I can go get the camera and the paper. Do you need any help with Naomi?"

She shakes her head to me, “Just drop the camera and the paper off. I’ll be back soon enough. Explain to Ayao what happened and she should drop the high and mighty artist act.” Natsume steps out of the greenery, and into the field leading across to the dorms.

I step back into the main building, glancing through the notes I'd taken for the day as I walk.

When I reach the art room, it's still empty in the department of life.

I grab the roll of paper from the desk, leaning it over my shoulder as I step out of the door again.

I head to the student council room, on the directions given originally by Naomi.

I knock on the door, met with utter silence.

“Anyone there?” I call out, before turning on my heel to leave.

A massive, excessive lilt passes through the halls, laughing boisterously; Shizune and Misha.

I lean against the door, somewhere in between standing and sitting. They round the corner, looking at me confusedly. Misha's violent laugh halts immediately.

“Oh.” Misha blurts out. Shizune stands to her side, looks of disinterest and mild agitation flashing back and forth on her dark blue eyes.

Electing to not draw this out, I cut straight to the point, “Naomi and Natsume sent me to pick up the camera and get some pictures of the stalls in progress.” They both glance at me with cocked heads, Misha's hands translating my words furiously, cutting through the air. Shizune responds with shut eyes and the gesticulations of a practiced swordsman.

Misha holds her eyes open, watching the reply and speaking slowly, lacking the obvious passion Shizune held, “So you’re working with them now? I guess it’s good that you found your place, but I never pegged you for one of them!” Misha’s wording lacks the pointed tone and condescending attitude that I would expect from Shizune, "So, you all need what from us?"

"A camera, and access to where you are assembling the stalls." I respond quickly, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

Shizune receives the translation, a wry grin crossing her face. Misha then pipes up after reading her hands, "So that's all you need? Nothing more? You have all your preparations for the festival complete, save for the.... stands?"

"Yes, we do. Can I have the camera, please?"

Responding as quick as an average human would, Misha pipes out, "Fine, then! In~side~!" She opens the door, and Shizune steps in before I can even take a step. I blink a few times, lost in the complexity of every action this woman takes, every ulterior motive layered into her each and every action. I lurch forwards through the door, Misha paused in confusion as she lets the door close.

Misha calls out, "The camera is over here~!" She then mutters under her breath, covering it with a cough.

Rolling my eyes, I pick up the camera and loop it around my neck, "And where are the stalls being made?"

"Take a left, exit the building, and round the corner! Don't drop the camera, or else Shizune says she'll kill you~!"

"...Right." I step out of the door, exiting the building and turning the corner of the building, laying my eyes upon numerous masses of stall and stall like apparatuses.

I pull the picture from my neck and line up the viewfinder with my face, glancing through it and lining up a shot of the stalls. I crouch down slightly, taking a few different pictures at different angles.

I let the camera dangle loosely around my neck, as I glance around for a final shot.

When I let the camera droop, I glance across the side of the school, and out into the greenery. I take a shot of the weak sunset, peering through the shrouded treeline, sighing slightly.

I let the camera go, drooping it around my neck and stepping back to the main building. I find my way back up to the Newspaper Club Room, Ayao still sitting in the corner with her notebook perched against her knee lazily.

"What took you three so- Oh. Where are Naomi and Natsume?" Ayao glares at me from across the room, flicking her notebook shut.

"Naomi ah, seized. Had a seizure. Natsume took her back to her dorm and sent me off to finish the list." I pull the camera from my neck, "I'll handle getting the photos on to the computers. I'll even send it to your email, and let you pick."

She nods, a confused frown crossing her face as she plunges back into her notebook again. I sit down at the desk, and set about getting all the stuff out for the paper.

"Sorry," she says casually, "That's ah, a rough thing to see."

I nod, turning in the rolling chair, "It was, yeah. But, well... It was necessary, I think."

She nods, eyes closed as she drags her feet back up to her chest, "Right."

I pull the USB cord from the side of the desktop, plugging the computer and the camera together with a little wire. I eventually spot the files in the camera's storage, and drag them to an email with all three of the Newspaper Club members.

When I hit send, I stand from the chair, stepping towards the door. I quickly realize I forgot the extra photos I took. Sitting back down, I send myself the photos I took afterwards.

I wave goodbye to Ayao, and she acknowledges my exit with a nod and a slight wave.

I make my way to my dorm, taking a few looks at my homework before shutting the book and tossing it onto my bag in the corner of the room. I lay down on my bed, silently counting the popcorn of the ceiling.

What exactly happened today? Why was Natsume so… calm? Does Naomi have these normally? I don't know what to think. I know this is a school for the disabled, but so many people have silent problems, problems that explode if you trigger them. My heart, Naomi's... head.

And why couldn't Natsume help? She said she “just couldn't.” There's so many questions and so few answers anymore.

Last edited by Riakai on Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:37 am, edited 3 times in total.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/16/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Dec 17, 2015 9:40 am

I wake up to the piercing rhythm of my cheap alarm clock, stabbing the calm sleep I earned with my long day yesterday.
General tip: Use adjectives sparingly. An overabundance of them is usually a good indication of bad writing. Dime novelists like to use them a lot because they get paid by wordcount.
Naomi grins ear to ear, flipping at the second bookmark
flipping "to"
At least this lot are entertaining…
"It's not as different as I my old school,
"that different from my old school"
I hadn't had to talk to them since day one,
Haven't had
the article in those two
"on" those two
Ayao still sat in the corner
Finally I point you to this chapte (and the one following it) which I think should be required reading for anyone writing about epilleptic seizures.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/16/15]

Post by Riakai » Thu Dec 17, 2015 1:14 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:-snip-
Thanks again, m8
I might just have you look over stuff before I post it, if that's okay with you?

Also, for the epileptic scene, I talked to my college Psych professor for help on writing it properly, but I'll peek over that chapter anyhow.
[Innumerable Fits]
The Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route.

[Ria's One-Shot Hell]
One-Shots. Not much else to say there.

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