Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [2/21/16]

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Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [2/21/16]

Postby Riakai » Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:12 am

Aight, so, hey. I'm Riakai, Ria being the shorthand. I'm some guy who's been into KS off and on for about two years. I took an attempt at another Naomi Pseudo Route back in my initial tenure here, but I stopped soon after I started due to a buncha IRL stuff and poppycock excuses. After an odd burst of creativity took hold of my theoretical soul, I ended up back here and wrote a good... 42k words for NaNoWriMo, excluding shorts and such that factored into the 50k of NaNoWriMo's goal.

I'm still, uh, going excessively strong on the writing, but I'm taking a slightly more laid back writing schedule so I can edit the massive amount I have hanging around now. I had help editing this from Munchenhausen, and Blank Mage is still working on his bit of the editing.


Overview:
So, this is a route about a little utilized club in Katawa Shoujo, and, specifically, one character who doesn't get nearly enough lovin'.

Naomi Inoue is the epileptic classmate of Hisao, and one of the Newspaper Club's three members. Introduced alongside Naomi, is her close friend Natsume Ooe, arthritic and heterochromatic (and the avatar of everyone's favorite dev. or, well. my fave at least. I guess. Or suriko. Beside the point, though.)

There are a few OC introduced, but I'll leave them to the reader.

Oh, and, I uh. Wrote it in a narrative format, from the PoV of everyone's (least) favorite schmuck, Hisao.

I may write some scenes from Naomi's PoV too, but I'll likely upload those to my Shorts thread and link them, rather than clutter the primary thread up.


Aaaaaaand why this chick?
I've got a thing for short haired, blondes. Akira was already taken. What can I say? Nah. I wrote this because I was looking around the character sheets, and all the fan art. I've got a soft spot for underappreciated characters. And, well. The only real fan art I can find of Naomi is a picture of her and Natsume groping, and a seizure.

Oops.

So, I decided to roll with the premise. Epileptic newsgirl and her arthritic friend.

I pitched the idea to a friend IRL, who had absolutely no idea about KS and still doesn't, in the form of the 1st... Ten thousand words or so, on this here fic (hence the fact I opened the narrative up in the hospital, instead of the point of divergence.)

He liked it, so I kept writing, and I'm enjoying writing it, so HAH.


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    Prologue
    Evidence

This section is purposefully smol, partially because it's a prologue, and partially because I don't wanna play with the Renai Line Count.
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Days spent in the same spot, unmoving, wear on a person. The pale, sickly green color of the walls, supposedly calming, do nothing but put me in a bad, honestly terrible mood these days. I plow through these books on a daily basis, supposedly in attempt to calm myself . Hell, I can’t even make myself come to believe such a lie anymore.

It's a routine. The television didn't do much, so I stopped watching it. It was lively for a few, brief weeks. This mucus stained box was filled with “Get Well Soon” cards, balloons, and shots of both standard and extravagant flower bouquets. She showed up for a few weeks, maybe a month or so, the visits briefer with every passing day, but eventually stopped coming altogether. By the end, we didn't talk. There was nothing to say. She tried to catch me up me in her niche gossip, but I stayed silent. She informed me on new developments in her life and in all things otherwise, but still she did not pique my interest. I couldn't even bring myself to say thanks. Simple silence reigned supreme over that room of mine.

It's no wonder Iwanako stopped showing up: I never gave her a reason to keep coming.

A nurse stepped in, giving me a solemn nod, no more, no less. She closed the curtains as night crept upon us, whisking away my food, an entire meal practically left untouched. She sighs, throwing a wrapper into a corner garbage can. A basket made, maybe that’s why she left grinning. I can't say that I gave her a proper reason.

Moments later, I'm burying myself into the itchy warmth of the cotton hospital blanket, staring idly at the ceiling. I count the small jutting growths of the popcorn, some sort of cockamamie retelling of counting sheep.

Another faceless nurse comes into my room, pulling open the curtains. This time she lays down another tray. I take the juice from it and sip slowly, placing it back down and pulling the book from my nightstand. Without even looking at the title, I start reading rather quickly. Losing track of time in the adventures of a miscellaneous pirate, my lull is interrupted by the sound of harsh footsteps and my door all but kicking open.

My parents step in, with the doctor trailing behind. We all exchange greetings, generic questions like, “How do you feel? Any pain?”, and other such things. Small talk with no meaning other than simple ascertaining of questions they could all find out from looking at the chart at the edge of the hospital bed.

The doctor and my parents talk with each other, their voices filled with delight. I listen for a bit, making out words like academy and medication, but nothing substantial. It becomes easy to zone out again, my thoughts drifting around from the pirate book I read earlier, to my old friends.

I mean, I call them old at this point at least. They stopped showing up earlier than Iwanako did. Not much to talk about, especially considering how little I do. All we used to do was go to the arcade and play soccer. I haven't touched a soccer ball in forever, and I obviously haven't managed to break out to play any sort of arcade game. I've been stuck in my bed. I don't blame them, it's not like I'm exceedingly interesting, especially now.

Apparently done talking, the three walk over to me, bursting with grins, smiles, and all sorts of happiness.

“Hisao, we have great news for you!” The doctor motions to the chairs in front of the hospital bed, my parents both taking a seat quickly, “I believe, with assistance, you're ready to resume your life properly once more.” He hands my parents a clipboard, their expressions going grim immediately, “Here's the ahh, assistance. Arrhythmia is a hard to pin down disease.”

“There's... there's so many.. I...” My dad places his face in his hands, muttering into them as if they'll provide him some solace.

“Ah... yes, that is true... But, with hope and research, the list will almost definitely dwindle over the years. We'll need to obviously take close watch on your medication, bringing us to the next order of business, so to speak.”

The doctor paces around a bit, tapping the tail of his coat with the back of his hand idly, “You're able to attend school again, Hisao; this much I've already discussed with your parents. Your heart is recovering extremely well. ”

I immediately push myself up from the bed, propping myself up with my arms, drawing a quick hand gesture with a sigh of resignation from the doctor, “So I can go back to my old school, then?” I say, staring at him with ravenous eyes.

My mom glances toward me and shakes her head very slowly. I fall back into the bed as quickly as I rose, “So, what? Home schooling?” My mom shakes her head again.

“There's a school in particular we had in mind already, we're all sure you'll love it. It's called Yamaku Academy, it's a great place. You'd stay on campus, plus there's a 24-hour nursing staff on the off chance something does go wrong. One of my coworkers graduated from there, so I'm sure you can go on to do great things, even with your new limitations.”

That's just a real nice way to say they're keeping me caged in. Even if the cage is massive in comparison, it's still a cage. The way he sounds, though, I doubt I've got much of a choice in the whole matter. They've already got me accepted by now. It's not like it'll be that bad. Maybe it'll be fun. It's not like living in the dorms will be anything new, considering how often mom and dad are out for work. I already took care of myself.

“Sure.” One word to send them into near hysterics, I suppose. I bury myself back into the blanket and mutter some goodbyes before drifting off again, shrugging myself into the thick and scratchy cotton. I let the world blur.


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[Next]
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Last edited by Riakai on Thu Mar 31, 2016 3:14 pm, edited 34 times in total.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/7/15

Postby Riakai » Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:22 am

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    Act 1
    Scene 1: Leftist Perspectives

Point of divergence engage. And introduction of the main OCs involved.
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Day of the big reveal. My parents drop me off at the gate, having already delivered my bags to my room. Considering how late I'm already running, I think I'll shirk going to check on it. I glance over the gate, it's ostentatious wrought iron glancing back. The red brick and white plaster all paint a contemplative picture. I take a quick step through the ajar frame, looking over my shoulder when I pass.

The grounds are just as green as the room I stayed in for months. The green coloring is just... serene. Yet it manages to make me feel so uneasy. I take wavering steps, examining the grounds as I do.

Amidst my thought, I do figure out why the gate was so off. It was my last chance to turn around. To leave before I began. At this point, I've already went too far. No turning back now.

I swing open the door with a sigh; the lobby is empty save for one person. An older man with scarce stubble crossing his gaunt face. He wears a suit jacket that seems to fit him more than he fits him. Inevitably, we cross stares

“Ah... Nak...Nik...Nikai?” He stammers, looking me up and down quickly before putting his hands in his pockets, worsening his already terrible posture.

“Nakai.”

“Ah.. Right. We're already running late, so your check in with the nurse will have to do later. I'm sure he'll understand. I'm Mutou by the way.” He checks his watch before looking back to me, “So, I'm assuming you'll want to introduce yourself to the class?”

What? Why would I even want to at this point? I shake my head no, “Ah, not exactly my thing. Talking in front of crowds, that is.”

“Fair enough, let's get to class then.”

His pace matches his posture, near hobble-like in design. When we hit the stairs, he jogs up them quickly. I start to take a normal pace, but when I hit the second flight I had already lost my breath. Mutou pauses, opening his mouth and closing it just as quick. Upon catching my breath, I give him a thumbs up and take myself up the stairs at a much slower pace.

We reach the door of the classroom, 3-3. I step in behind Mutou, furtively darting my eyes across the varied figures in the massive room. All but two of the walls are chalkboards, and the ceiling is at least eight feet tall. The variation is obscene here. Bright hair colors, braced knees, missing hands, and canes all highlight the room. Of course, being the social butterfly I am, I zone out Mutou even as he talks explicitly about me.

After some odd claps, I slowly move to Mutou.

“We'll be working in groups today, Nakai, I figure this will be a good opportunity to talk to people and get acquainted. You can work with Hakamichi, the class representative. She can answer any questions you may have.” He turns back to the board, shuffling off to his desk and burying himself into a pile of papers quickly. After a quick look up, he points to a pink drilled girl with a bubbly appearance.

I step slowly towards her, one hand on the back of my neck and the other in my pocket, “Hi, I'm uh, Hisao Nakai. Nice to meet you, Hakamichi.”
“Wahaha~!”

Huh? Do I really sound so funny?

“It's nice to meet you too, but I'm Misha!”

Staring at the desk with a dejected stare, I notice the girl behind her tapping her furiously on the shoulder, before breaking into measured, but slashing, gesticulations. She has blue hair, with glasses leveled against a dainty nose.

“She’s Hakamichi, Hichan!”

Oh. That well, that makes sense. But I've never even liked that name… Hichan.

“You look like you swallowed a snail…!” She smiles excessively, attempting to stifle her laughing but breaking out into it anyways, reverberating the room with the belligerent laughter. “Wahahahah~! Hichan, you're funny.”

Hakamichi continues swiping through the air with her long hands, looking to Misha with a confused stare. Filling in the blanks, Misha points out, “Hakamichi is far too formal, just call her Shizune~!”

“Oh, uh, hi Shizune.” The use of that nickname, however, draws a bright red blush out of her cheeks, sending Shichan into a fit of swooping hand gestures, “Fine, fine, just call her Shizune at least. And call me Misha!”

Right, Shizune and Misha. Weird pair, but not exactly appalling.

Shizune slaps Misha on the side, slashing her hands harshly, nearly cutting the air in half with their ferocity, “So, uh.. With the hands? What exactly--”

“Wahaha! I guessed you were cute, but I didn't know you were dumb!”

“I... Huh?”

“She's deaf and mute, Hichan, jeez. She's using sign language, not karate chopping me!”

I groan, planting my face down on the windowsill, sliding myself into a desk with a slow plop. Shizune stifles a laugh with her hand, immediately stopping the second my eyes landed on her. She signs to Misha, who signs back, entering a loop. Upon a sudden epiphany, Shizune glows bright red with angst, pointedly towards Misha, who jolts and briefly knocks against her desk. Basically the entire class turns to me, eyes drilling into the back of my head.

The three of us all turn to our desks, exchanging looks between each other and the paper. Needless to say, my time spent in the hospital has dragged on me. I barely can help at all.

Misha and Shizune end up steam rolling the assignment considerably before the bell.

“We could've done better, Hichan! Even though we did do quite a bit... You should learn to pull your weight!” I sigh, a resigned shrug leaving my shoulders.

“I feel like I did plenty, considering my circumstances. Besides, we finished before the bell, it's not a contest by a long shot.”

Shizune immediately darts her finger into the air, waggling it rapidly, Misha chiming in for her, “That's where you're wrong, Hichan! Everything is a contest.” Glancing at Shizune, and then the window, and the back to Shizune, I find the window much less argumentative.

“Hichan, don't ignore me now... That's a mean thing to do to a girl..”

“I don't get how not completing a paper before anyone else is a thing to get agitated over. Or disappointed.” I turn back to them, a frown plastered across my face, “Sorry.”

“Apology accepted, meanie.”

As if heralding my escape, the bell rings loudly. I grab my things from the desk, not giving an opportunity for response before hurrying out of the classroom. Blending into a group of people, I follow the ebb and flow of the crowd. I manage to eventually reach the cafeteria, breaking free of the blob.

I step into the line, staring at the tiles of the floor. Grabbing a piece of bread and a bottle of water at random, I move out of the line and take a seat at a table near the window. A pair of girls that I recognize sit down soon after, leaning on their elbows and glancing at me.

I take a long drink of my juice and sit it down, “...What?”

“So, mind if I call you Hisao?” The girl with short, blonde hair grins, her eyes shining bright through the thin rimmed glasses.

“Uh, yeah. I mean, go for it.” I shrug, drawing out a giggle from the pair, “What's your guys' names, then? And what made you sit here, of all places?”

This time, the brown haired girl chimes in, “I'm Natsume, she's Naomi. You looked bored and sad, plus you obviously don't seem a big fan of the president and her salt drill.” This brings forth a grin from myself and a belligerent laugh from Naomi, who yelps and stares at the floor moments later.

“Yeah, they're uh... Yeah. Tad too competitively loud for me, I guess.”

Another voice pops in from behind, “How many times did they ask you to join their circus of insanity?” A voice too deep to be a girl's, hopefully. He sits down next to me, grinning at Natsume and Naomi widely. His tray clinks against the table, taking to eating a bowl of ramen with no further discussion.

“Circus? They only asked me to work on the paper.” I shrug, taking a hunk out of my bread and biting into it with a content nod, “I mean, they're probably better outside of w-”

Natsume shakes her head vehemently, “No, no they're not. And Yuu was referring to the Student Council. Shizune's the class president, Misha being her sidekick. And only other member of the council. They like to try and rope people into their work, it's not fun.”

Yet another takes a seat, this time diagonally of Yuu. She sits down with nothing but a can of coffee. Her hair shines a bright, obviously dyed, crimson. She plants her face in a notebook and begins scribbling what can only be words, raising nothing but a hand to everyone else, waving idly before planting itself against the table in a show of vehemence.

I raise my finger in the air slowly, starting to form one word, “What.”, which draws Naomi, Natsume, and Yuu to shake their heads violently.

We all eat in silence, until the red haired girl slowly stands, closing her notebook and laughing softly to herself, “I finished the story, gu- Who's he?” She points directly at me, visually clamping up.

“He's Hisao. Hisao, meet Ayao. She's a writer for the Newspaper Club. We're all their members, by the way. Except for Yuu, he's a bore. He runs track. He's also hopelessly in l-” Natsume answers for me, before I can even open my mouth and is interrupted by a short exchange of thumps, heard from under the table, followed by sharp 'Ouches' from Natsume and Yuu.

“Ah, right, so, thanks for the company I suppose?” I glance around awkwardly, trying to find a clock.

“We've still got a few minutes, don't go running off yet. You just looked lonely.” Naomi grins, holding a book in one hand, a can in the other.

“Don't lie to the kid, Naomi. We usually sit here. You're fine, though. You did look lonely, but that was besides the point in all honesty. We just went with it.” Natsume laughs idly, for no real reason I can think of, her own wit I suppose.

“Ice cold as ever, Natsume. Ayao and I are in class 3-2, right across from yours. We'll all walk back together, it'll be a deliiiight.” Yuu stands up, stretching his back. It pops unnaturally, drawing a worn out sigh from Natsume and Naomi and a glare from Ayao. I shrug, toss the juice pouch and wrapper in the can, and leave the cafeteria. The four get up as well, leaving in front of me. I trail behind, my gaze shifting around the halls idly. I don't pay attention to their conversation, more or less just blending into their social circle.

I wave to Yuu and Ayao, as they break off into their own animated conversation, Natsume and Naomi lead me into the room, dragging over a desk to their own.

“Here, we'll save you from the drill masters, I think the teacher will understand... mostly. Probably understand it.” Naomi nods, as if assuring herself of this fact. I sit down in the desk, staring towards the board.

I take notes throughout the whole class, paying attention rather well. I answer a few questions of my own accord. The bell rings loudly, and then it rings again, and again, after each class, seemingly dragging on infinitely, until eventually heralding the end of my first school day back.


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Last edited by Riakai on Sun Dec 13, 2015 8:11 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/7/15]

Postby Mirage_GSM » Tue Dec 08, 2015 3:24 pm

Welcome back!

The story so far looks good, both grammar and style.

Two small nitpicks:
The section where Yuu and Ayao join the trio seems to be missing one or two words which makes it a bit confusing to read.
Also 3-2 is for vision impaired students, but so far neither of them seems to ave problems in that department.

Looking forward to the continuation!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.

Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/7/15]

Postby Riakai » Tue Dec 08, 2015 5:37 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Welcome back!

The story so far looks good, both grammar and style.

Two small nitpicks:
The section where Yuu and Ayao join the trio seems to be missing one or two words which makes it a bit confusing to read.
Also 3-2 is for vision impaired students, but so far neither of them seems to ave problems in that department.

Looking forward to the continuation!


I figured I'd end up making a class number error, it's been an uncanny valley with my in-between on KS plays, long enough to forget details like that, but not long enough to the point where I could summarize each act in the game.

Gehk.

As for the intro section, I'll head back in and touch that up.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/7/15]

Postby Riakai » Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:51 pm

Sharp-O wrote:Not a bad start, can't wait to get into the meat of the story!


Thanks! I'm gonna post one or two more parts tonight, I think. Right now I'm just sectioning off & giving the lot I have written already a few glances over pre-post.

I'm rambling: Just, thanks for the encouragement.
Last edited by Riakai on Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

What's New?: A (Smol) Collection of Newspaper Club Shorts
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/8/15]

Postby Riakai » Wed Dec 09, 2015 1:25 am

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Act 1
    Scene 2: Impromptu Interview

Hisao's class ends, his first day hitting casually. Not like a freight train.
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“You know, you don't act that new, Hisao. You're adjusting well, I suppose?” Naomi tilts her head, leaning against her hand and glancing at me over her glasses.

“I read a lot, must of helped.” I answer vaguely, shrugging as I gather my things up, “You know where the library is, by the way? I figured I'd be getting acquainted with the librarian, pick up a few books, that sort of thing.”

“Oh! Yeah, I do, it's sorta close to the Newspaper Club Room, I'll lead you most of the way there, no questions asked.” She grins, pushing up from the desk and grabbing her things, stepping towards the door with no further words allowed.

“By the way, just because I'm not asking anything, doesn't mean you can't. You're new, it's almost expected of you. You're a bit too quiet at times. Your eyes make it look like you have a lot to talk about, but you don't talk.” Naomi lets the words roll forth, unabashed.

“Not a lot to talk about, really... I'm just off like that, I guess.” I shrug.

“You guess and you shrug a lot. Do you know how to do much else?”

I start to shrug, but stop myself and shake my head no, “I can do other things.”

Naomi smirks, her tone flitting about with teasing undertones, “Like what? You said you read. Do you do nothing but attend class and read?”

I roll my eyes slightly, staring at the floor as we walk, “I thought I was the one who was supposed to be asking questions?”

“Fine, fine. Ask me a question.”

“...I don't have any.” I kick a piece of paper resting against the ground as we round a corner, turning just to see it fly off down the hall.

“You're so confusing, you know that? I'll leave you alone this time, I suppose.”

“I thought I was the one supposed to be supposing and guessing?”

Naomi laughs, her cheery lilt much more tolerable than Misha's grating cackle.

She turns on her heel, stepping to the side, “Right, well, as entertaining as it was trying to get lemonade out of a lime, we've hit the Clubroom. You'll love Yuuko. Promise.”

With another shrug, I keep walking down the hallway. Upon seeing a pair of double doors, I step through them and peep around. Considering the scent of books and, well, books on the desks and in shelves, this is obviously the library. I step towards the counter and tap the desk bell a single time. An immediate thump follows, followed by a pained squeal.

“Sorry! Sorry! I didn't know you we-”

“No no no! Don't worry about me, I'm fine! Perfectly fine!” The girl slowly moves her hand to the top of her head, leaving it there for a moment before dropping it back to her side, “I'm Yuuko, the librarian. If you need any help with... books, I can probably help..!”

“Uh, I think I'll be fine, mostly.. Do you know where the Historical Fiction is a-”

“Aahhh! I don't know!” She plants her face on the counter and looks up, “Forgive me..”

“I'll uh... I'll survive. I'll be fine. Don't die. That would be bad.” I scratch the back of my neck and turn around on my heel, peeping over my shoulder to see Yuuko scrambling through a pile of books again. With a sigh of boredom, I shuffle through the books at random, plucking interesting spines off haphazardly.

I shrug as I plop down into a bean bag chair, drawing an awkward glance from a girl near me; she looks familiar. I simply give a stilted wave and sit down, casting a glance down at my books. I lift one up, a tree branching across the cover lazily. Reading words more so than the actual story, I take the occasional opportunity to glance at the girl. I eventually manage to recognize her from my class in the morning.

Half of her face is... scarred. She jolts up from her book, covering half of her face with her hand in some futile attempt to hide.

We lock eyes on accident. She seems to almost vibrate, staring at me awkwardly, before bolting to attention.

Closing her book, which had not moved a page since my arrival, she raises one hand, as if to speak, suddenly gushing forth, “I’vegottagodosomething!”
And then she sprints out of the library.

Like nothing ever happened, the library slowly shifts back into motion.

...

With a tilt of the head, I stand up. I sit her book down on top of the bean bag she was using, before stepping out of the reclusive area, bobbing and weaving my way through the aisles of books. I’m lost in what I did to launch this girl into a panic attack. We didn’t even speak.

Reaching the edge of the shelves, I emerge to see a tall, worried blonde talking to Yuuko. She has a bag on one arm, a cane resting against the other. I wait, glancing around the room at random. The blonde sighs and lowers the cane to the ground, walking off without another word. Yuuko turns, taking a double take when and turns in her heel for the counter.

I step towards the counter, my small pile of books in my arms, “I, uh, I’d like to check these out.”

She nods excessively slow, checking out the small pile. While she’s tuning out her surroundings, she drops a book from the counter. The book lands against my foot. Jolting in pain, Yuuko stares at me with wide eyes, the gears in her head kicking into motion. I slowly bend over to pick up the book.

...This girl is a time bomb.

She bursts into hysterics, a sad mixture of self loathing and apologies. At one point there were actual tears.

Waving my arms frantically, "It's not an issue! You were talking, it would be rude to interrupt!" I blurt out, scratching at the back of my neck.

"Really..? All you had to do was ask. Speak up... Cough!" She frowns, placing her head against the desk with a solid thud.

Sighing, I step out of the library and wave to my back at Yuuko, who is probably too busy wallowing to see it.

Well, Naomi wasn't really wrong.. Not really right, either, but that's irrelevant to a point. She's probably the kind you have to adjust to, or something like that.

I slowly manage to make it to the stairs, letting my mind wander as I do. I lose my footing, narrowly catching myself on the railings, too lost in thoughts of the past. My heart begins to pound, seemingly reverbing throughout the stairwell. One hand to my chest, the other clutched to the railing, I count.

One, two, three,
One.. two.. three,
One... two... three...


I begin to push myself back up, to a standing position with some effort. Holding on to the railing closely, I take calm, measured steps towards the door.

I dust off my clothes, glancing around with sweat dripping from my head. I turn to the door, and mutter to the air, “Off to the nurse's office I go, then.”

Walking through the lush green of the yard, I awkwardly glance around for anyone I recognise. The inside was relatively calm and empty, but the exterior still had some life to it. After some carefully cast looks, I spot one of the guys from my table. Sitting under a tree, laptop rested lazily against it, he seems content. I reach out a hand to tap him on the shoulder, but he raises his own, waving dismissively.

"Hisao, right? You need something? Always up to help. Generally." He snaps the lid of the laptop closed, pushing it into his bag before standing and cracking his back violently.

"I, uh, I needed to know where the nurse's office is." I grab the back of my neck, looking at him with a tilted head.

"It's just over there," he points with a bulky pen, towards a building almost externally identical to the main one, same brick and all.

"Ah, thanks. Yuu, right?" I grin meekly, scratching at the thin hair of my neck.

"No need to be so nervous all the time, or, well, awkward. Me and the rest of that lunch table are pretty alright, save for when Ayao doesn't take her meds." He grins, stowing away a pad and the pen, "Before you head off, you wanna see something?"

I nod, shrugging as I do.

He flips open his laptop lid, revealing an intricate drawing upon a minimalistic program. The drawing is of a man, casually walking up a flight of stairs, through a large group. His face is smug, as he ignores everyone. It’s pretty interesting, albeit looks like it needs polishing.

"It looks great. Is that what the pad and pen was?"

"Right, right. Exactly for it. Graphic art... Stuff." He pauses slowly, "You should get going to the nurse, though. Your tone made it sound important. Best to not make stuff like that wait." He waves a hand off towards the auxiliary building, "You'll find a few signs to point you in the office's direction." Yuu waves over his shoulder as he walks back towards his spot under the tree.

With a shrug, I walk up towards the auxiliary building, pulling a pencil from my pocket and flipping it in my hand as I walk for no real reason. I walk in the door, spotting a few unfamiliar faces. I look at a few, glancing up at a sign soon after. Putting my hand in my pockets, I follow its directions to the nurse's office, casually running my hand against the wall as I walk. Eventually thumping my hand against the doorframe of the nurse's office, I knock properly.

Numerous pieces of paper being tossed about can be heard, punctuated with a nondescript thump and an "Ouch!", likely coming from the nurse. He shouts out, "Come on in, door's unlocked... usually!"

I tug on the door, stepping inside to only be underwhelmed. My vision of this place was a tiny hospital in one room, due to the whole "twenty four hour nursing staff."
Instead, I'm met with cheesy medical posters, miscellaneous filing cabinets lined with clutter, and a curtained off bed. The young, albeit standard looking nurse waves to me from behind a veritable pound of paper, “Come on in, sit down in the... ah,” He awkwardly motions around the pile of papers, towards a plain, padded chair, “There.”

I take a seat in the chair, leaning back slightly and glancing across the nurse's desk, “So, who are you, then? I'm not bad at remembering faces, not at all.”

“I'm Hisao Nakai, I jus-”

He raises a finger in the air, flashes of recognition spreading across his young face, “Right! Hisao Nakai, 3rd year… Arrhythmia. Right.” He slides over to a filing cabinet, opening it with a quick pull and a slide back, “So, how's your heart feel?”

“Uh.. Not.. Great?” I place a hand on the back of my neck, watching him flit through the files, before he flicks one out of the cabinet, sliding back to the desk with a spin.

“I... suppose that's to be expected," the Nurse nods, "How's Yamaku going for you? Fine?”

“It's good, I guess.”

“It'll grow on you, I can assure you of that.” he smiles, wide and toothy; the kind that looks cheesy on most, honestly. He manages to pull it off though, “So, now to the fun part, your medications; I assume you know about them?“

I nod once, tilting my head forward.

“So, basically, I'll be monitoring your condition. Since that's my job. If you experience any troublesome feelings, most prominently drowsiness and moodiness, then we'll have to look through your medicines and dosages again. For now, your first allotment should be in your room, correct?”

“They, ah, they are.” The talk of all this medicine takes me back to that list, the massive list from the hospital, with all the medicines just spewed across the paper haphazardly.

“Did you play any sports before your accident?”

“I just played a bit of soccer, but it wasn't that big of a deal.” In all honesty, I just kicked the ball around with them, it wasn't some burning passion for the game, just something to do.

The nurse tilts his head to the side slightly, before nodding, “Well, physical activity is something you'll need to tiptoe around. You're excused from PE, but you'll still need to exercise. If you keep that up, you're liable to get much better. I'd suggest the track or the pool.” He leans back slightly, picking up his empty coffee cup and tilting it back for a drink, then staring it down and placing it back on the table.

"So, is there anything else you need, Hisao?" He glares at the coffee cup, before pushing a pile of papers in front of it, and then eyeing me with his full attention.

"Not really, no. I...I'll make sure to go to the track tomorrow, or something."

"You better, I've got spies everywhere, and don't you forget that." He wags his finger at me nonchalantly, before gesturing to the door, "Dismissed!" He laughs belligerently, as I pick up my bag and step out the door with uneven steps.

Walking back through the Auxiliary Building, I slide my hand along the walls casually once more, staring at the flicker of a far off fluorescent light bulb. When I get outside, the sun is still high in the air and the breeze is still fresh. All it's down to is just a few clumps of students, flecked about at random. I take a number of glances around the grounds, before turning to the dorms.

As I step across the field in between the dorm and the school buildings, it dawns upon me that this was a rather deep step forwards my life, albeit not in the direction I originally saw it all going. Even if this place is loaded to the brim with broken little things, I suppose I can.. Maybe make a living out of it. Barely, really, but I can try.

Who am I kidding, though, it's a school for the inept at life, at least the people here are used to being broken. I'm just here because my heart is broken. And of course, the greenery makes it all so much better.

Hospitals are green so that the atmosphere is calm, collected, tranquil. It makes the rehabilitation better, apparently. It annoyed me more than anything.

The overwhelming amount of green. Blankets were green, cups were green, papers were green, robes were green. All the green made me green. This field is just an agitating reminder of all that green, all that faux tranquility. A few more steps through the field, passing through crowds of lilting friends, I make it to the dorm and make my way inside, seeking out my room personally.

Upon tedious reading of “Room ---,” I finally reach my own place in these halls, room 119.

The sterile room is just as generic as the hospital room I was stuck in so long. Beige walls, white sheets, faux oak desk, and a bedside stand lined with all my many medications. I pick up one, looking it over.


Nakai, Hisao.
Take 2x daily to live.



Not a literal interpretation, but it's basically how it is. For all I know, I could drop dead any minute I don't have these meds in my system.

It's just futile. Maybe that exercise will end up helping. They always say it does. Brightens your mood, clears your head, helps your heart. All things I could really take right now. I'll do it, set the alarm for an early time, put on some old clothes, and run that track. Definitely.

I pick up a book from the stack I'd made in the library, tossing it onto my bed with a quiet ploof. Taking off the blazer from my old school, I toss it on my desk and plop down on my desk in a fashion similar to my book.

Opening up to the page I dog-eared out of desperation, I pick back up on the story of a man and his tiger. On a boat. because hey, why not, I guess.
Reading through the lines at a lazy pace does what one would expect - pass the time in a lazy fashion. Eventually I end up on a boat of my own.

Or, well... I end up on my mattress, somehow floating in the middle of an endless ocean.

But I don't have a tiger... Not fair.

Not fair at all...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    I think I'll write like, ending notes here. Or something.
    This is when I started to pick this fic back up again, after like, a week's long break before November; this is when I, for all intents and purposes, actually started writing this monstrosity of Katawa Shoujo Literature.
    Also, fun fact. I kept count of how many times I mispelled the word auxiliary when I started NaNo. Ninety flat.

    Fuck that word.


    [Previous]
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_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Last edited by Riakai on Mon Dec 14, 2015 3:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/8/15]

Postby Mirage_GSM » Wed Dec 09, 2015 4:08 pm

I shuffle through the books at random, plucking interesting spines off haphazardly.

Naughty Hisao... Vandalizing the library on his first visit :-)
Sat under a tree, laptop rested lazily against it, he seems content.

Should be "sitting" - unless somebody actually sat him there.

Interesting. You're using a lot of scenes from the VN but you're changing them around, altering and shortening them just enough to still be interesting for those who've already read the VN - which is about 100% of your readership, so GJ.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/8/15]

Postby swampie2 » Wed Dec 09, 2015 8:47 pm

I'm looking forward to this, mostly because my Naomi/Natsume fic ran out of steam. Hope you can take this to it's conclusion! :lol:
One Shots - My stories thread.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/8/15]

Postby HoneyBakedHam » Thu Dec 10, 2015 3:00 am

Naomi wears glasses? I thought it was Natsume that only wore glasses between the two.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/8/15]

Postby Riakai » Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:45 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
I shuffle through the books at random, plucking interesting spines off haphazardly.

Naughty Hisao... Vandalizing the library on his first visit :-)


We all know Hisao is a dirty rebel.
I'll probably leave that there, simply because I liked the wording and tone it let off, tho. Albeit it could be misinterpreted xD

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sat under a tree, laptop rested lazily against it, he seems content.

Should be "sitting" - unless somebody actually sat him there.


Oh, yeh. I'll snatch that.
or I won't because the plot twist is that Yuu is really just a puppet.

Mirage_GSM wrote:Interesting. You're using a lot of scenes from the VN but you're changing them around, altering and shortening them just enough to still be interesting for those who've already read the VN - which is about 100% of your readership, so GJ.


Thanks! I didn't really have a drive to go over a lot of the scenes in canon, but I still felt a lot of them were a necessity in the piece, so I figured I'd glaze over them.


swampie2 wrote:I'm looking forward to this, mostly because my Naomi/Natsume fic ran out of steam. Hope you can take this to it's conclusion! :lol:


Thanks! If I wasn't swamped (Pun intended) by finals and papers, I'd have to give your fic a peek.


HoneyBakedHam wrote:Naomi wears glasses? I thought it was Natsume that only wore glasses between the two.


I've seen art with both of them having them.
I actually had a one shot for this planned, lmao. I'll try to start writing it up and do another few posts for Innumerable today.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Postby Riakai » Sat Dec 12, 2015 11:16 pm

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Act 1
    Scene 3: Dead News

Hisao has some extra sleep.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

...
BEEEEEEP!
BRRRZT!
BEEEP!
BRRRRZT!


Ach!
I fling the sheets from atop myself, springing from the bed violently at the massive ringing of both my alarm and my phone at the same time. I slam the snooze button on the alarm, and check the notification on my phone.


    [One Missed Call]
    Mom


I slowly raise an eyebrow, wondering what she would want at such an early hour in the morning. I glance at the other notification.



    [One Message]
    (Mom: Sorry! was a wrong button
    make sure to have a good day today!)

Right. Wouldn't expect much more than that.

I toss the phone back on my bed, the hard plastic clicking against the wall as it slides against the near vinyl bed sheets.

I peel off my dated uniform, the last visible relic of my old life… Excluding the phone… And the casual clothes in my closet… Well, the sentiment is still there, I guess. I pull the proper uniform from the closet, the crisp green and white combination permeates my weary eyes.

Nice enough, I suppose. Opening the window, I glance out it and nod lightly, before grabbing my shower supplies from the bag in the corner of the room and heading off with my clothes in tow, sans the blazer.

When I reach the showers, I hear an odd hum, akin to... I think I hear something a communist would be humming. Oh. Oh boy.

I slowly peel away the last of my clothes once I get in my sanctioned off shower, slowly cleaning myself of yesterday's grime. When I start the water, the humming stops, abruptly, followed by the slamming forth of the curtains, "Who's there!?" A shrill voice comes out.

"...I.. Uh..."

"...Show yourself! Now! I am... Not armed. Oh." He sounds visibly disappointed. I wash my arms.

I lather the soap up with my rag, swiping it across my chest, cringing as I cross the scar on my chest, holding the rag over it for a short moment, "Let me showe-" I start to speak.

I scrub the shampoo into my hair as he frantically shouts, "You're probably a feminist spy! Get out at once!"

Feminist... Spy? The hell? I wash off the back of my legs and my toes.

"Silence... You just gave up your innocence! It's gone! You are guilty and hereby prosecuted, feminist scum!" I finally finish rinsing myself from the shower water, begrudgingly turning off the water- hopefully this freak left the room already. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I step out from behind the curtain, met with a violent heel turn and a stare- from behind coke bottle glasses.

"So you show yourself!"

"I... Uh... Yeah. I'm... Here, I guess?"

"Hands in the air, feminazi!" I reluctantly raise one hand in the air, letting the other rest on my waist as I try to hold the towel up. Glancing at this guy and his glasses, messed up hair.. Probably blind... or near it... Maybe a crack addict with hair like that. Who knows?

"Why am I holding my hands in the air?"

"Because I told you to!"

"Why am I feminazi?" I sigh, pulling a stick of deodorant from my bag as a test. He doesn't notice.

As I apply the stick, he rants again, "Because you... You.... You just are!"

"Where's your proof?"

"I... I dunno, alright? I don't know!" I put on my briefs, quickly pulling them on regardless of this freak's eyesight.

"Maybe I'm just in deep cover." I slip my pants on, pulling them from my bag.

"...Whoa."

"So, yeah! Just... Let me leave." I pull on my undershirt, then my button up, letting them lay loose.

"What if you're a double agent!?"

"Then I wouldn't be here, being caught in the shower with my pants literally down."

"...True..." He nods slowly, acknowledging my point, "Run along now! Run! Run, for the great Kenji never lets his guard down! It is a conscious choice when he doles out mercy!"

"Kenji... Right." I mutter that under my breath, as I slowly pick my bag up from the linoleum tile, buttoning my shirt and straightening my pants, looping the belt through them as I back up from the bathroom cautiously. I don't need anymore of that in my day.

Stepping down the hall and into my bedroom, I straighten up my clothes awkwardly, pulling the buttons into their proper place & tugging any wrinkles, before grabbing my bag and glancing awkwardly at the clock and realizing one thing; I didn't go to the track. I was too busy reading to do that.

Well... I'll just go after class. I guess. I hope the nurse has one of his "spies" around or something.

I step through the filling halls, pulling against the ebb and the flow of the halls to reach room 3-3, taking a seat in the spot I was given, before glancing around and realizing that this is where Misha and Shizune sat at. I stare off at the window for a moment, mentally flipping a coin before picking up my bag and tossing it to my side, stepping back into the halls. Glancing over top of the raging crowds, I eventually decide to just go with the ebb. Shuffling through the halls like a corpse, I eventually end up at the cafeteria by some feat of nature.

I shamble through the line, grabbing a milk carton and a muffin of... some sort, before glancing for the most barren area of the cafeteria. Setting my eyes upon a window sill, I take my seat with a cautious cross of the legs. Pulling the wrapper from the muffin and sitting it inside the bag, I glance idly across the cafeteria. Scanning, I spot a few slightly familiar faces. I see the whole group from lunch yesterday, Naomi, Natsume, Yuu... And... Ayao? Ayao. They're sitting at a circle table, chatting away, but they seem content so I go back to my muffin.

Wiping the crumbs from the muffin off on my- now mildly stained- pants, I push myself from the window and grab the milk carton from next to me, pulling it open with a quick tug. My bag makes it's way back to my shoulder, and I pick up the wrapper.

I drink the milk as I weave through the crowds, plugging it with the wrapper when I finished it. I lift open the trash can lid and pop the carton in the opening, turning on my heel and squeezing through the crowds. Their direction slowly changes as the clock winds down; eventually I make it back to 3-3 and notice that Naomi and Natsume, thankfully, are here. I approach them with a meek smile and hands clutched to my bag.

"Just take a seat here, Mutou can figure things out on his own, promise." Naomi grins, ushering to the seat next to her. Natsume shrugs sleepily, before leaning on her arms against the desk and staring at the chalkboard dejectedly.

Eventually the lazy quiet breaks with a violent "Wahahaha~!" slamming through the doorway, also known as Misha. Shizune follows in, hands to her back and following with a stare that probably has more piercing power than her friend's drills.

I slink back in my chair, picking up my book with my left hand and scratching the back of my neck with my right, occasionally leaning forwards to flip the page. The obnoxious pair from across the room are either too absorbed in their... duties, whatever those may be, or they just pretended not to notice me; for which, I am pleased.

Mutou steps in the room, taking a cursory glance around, his eyes landing upon the missing desk that ended up being lodged between Naomi and a rabbit-y purp- oh. Oh boy. I just realized who I ended up sitting next to; the antsy purple haired girl from yesterday. The one who dashed out of the library at fifty kilometers an hour.

Slinking back into my seat, I take one glance her direction, and then to my notebook, then to Mutou as he talks at the chalkboard. He's talking about something to do with lights, their physics and such. But, well... I did a bit of studying while I was stuck in the hospital.

Taking a warped cross between notes and excessive doodles, I look up from my notebook, taking a view of the class in motion. Then I realize, the second my eyes pass the purple haired girl, she covers half her face with her hand, staring dead forwards. She seemingly vibrates, before silently picking up her book and exiting through the class: Mutou pays it no heed.

I glance to Naomi and Natsume, both of which are bobbing their heads in an effort to stay awake, but simultaneously falling asleep.

The first class of the day ends without anything really happening, the class was calm. There was no group work, today was just a lecture I guess.

Naomi and Natsume both stand up as the bell rings, popping and cringing as they do, a yawn mixed in somewhere, they take a single look through me- to the purple haired girl's desk; or, more specifically, the lack of a girl in said desk.

“Gehhhh, Natsume! Hanako needs to get better at that~...” Naomi quietly pouts, sitting back down in the desk with a sigh.

Natsume follows, sitting down and turning towards her and I, “She's probably anxious, especially since Hisao sat over here.” She pops her head around Naomi, putting on a melancholy face, “The girl you sat next to for that class was Hanako, she's… got a few problems. We're trying to help. She gets on better with that blonde, Lilly. “ She squints her eyes, before flipping open the next textbook and glancing over a number of problems.

“Don't, uh, y’know, feel bad, Hisao.. She runs off when things get too intense.”

She did just the same yesterday, though… all I did was sit down. I guess social life is hard for her. Or I'm just an intense person.

Probably the former.

I take a final glance at the board, writing down the list of problems on it and bookmarking the page in my textbook. The next few classes pass uneventfully- English is terrible as expected, but tolerable.

By the time I hit lunch, I started the age old ritual of counting the minutes on the clock. The second that clock ticks on to the bell, I already have my things put away in my bag, and I'm turned to face Naomi and Natsume. Both of them have done similar already.

“So I guess you'll be joining us again, Hisao? Make it your first precedent? “ Naomi says, lilting and grinning, her tongue coming out in a mocking manner.
Natsume pushes off of the desk, sighing and using Naomi to stand uneasily.

I guess she got stuck in the chair or something.

Naomi smiles meekly, coughing, “Ah, right! Let's get some lunch then.” She raises her hand from underneath Natsume's arm, pointing it to the door with a marching pace established. Natsume grabs her bag from the desktop, popping behind Naomi quickly.

We step out, awkward atmosphere permeating through the populated halls. We take a few oblong glances towards 3-2, before Yuu and Ayao step out, chatting to each other lazily, before turning to the three of us.

"So, we're dragging him to lunch again?" Yuu tilts his head back slightly, before jolting it forwards, "I'm ah, just kidding with you. You're fine. Don't uh... Yeah." He lurches back into position, his back popping wildly. Yuu nudges Ayao, who began cringing and rolling her eyes madly when the popping began.

We continue stepping up the hall, through the groves of students and flocks of apathetic care nots, making it into the lunchroom without incidence.

The group— Naomi, Natsume, Ayao, and Yuu— all step through the line.

I'm not particularly hungry, so I break off from the group with a quick, "Be right back," and veer off around the corner to grab something at random from a vending machine, leaving the giant metal rectangles of casual delight with a cake roll wrapped in plastic, and a can of coffee.

When I step back in the cafeteria, I scan it for the group, the foursome, and spot them in the same table as yesterday… Which I should have expected.

I make my way over, cracking the tab on my coffee and taking a long drag from the can as I walk. Naomi waves, “Hi Hisao! Glad you could make it~!” her tone teases.

“Oh, just wasn't too hungry, that's all. Went off to a vending machine,” I hold up the can and cake roll as emphasis, sitting them down on the table as I, myself, sit down.

Naomi laughs, “It's fine Hisao, just make sure you actually eat~,” turning to Natsume, she sticks her tongue out briefly, “Else you'll end up falling asleep in class all the time like Nat does!”

“I just don't like cafeteria food, Naomi,” Natsume says, as she holds the noodle over her bowl with the chopsticks, “And I like sleeping.”

The red headed girl, Ayao, turns and lifts an eyebrow, “Right, that's why I can hear you through the wall of your dorm so often?”

“I also like avoiding sleep.”

Naomi stifles her laughter, covering it up with some sort of fake yawn as she quickly turns back to her food.

Yuu picks up each of the trays, patting Ayao on the back as he turns, taking cautious steps through the crowd.
I stiltedly nod to the three of them left at the table, laying my head down against the table. My chest feels heavy, but.. I don’t really think it’s that bad. Probably just the hustle and bustle of a day in class.

Then... The light fades in, and then out, rapidly.

A flash of pure white, then black.

Straight black, pitch black.

And then pure white. Fresh palette.

Then it clicks back into focus, the sharp sound of metal on plastic and… sheets whipping forth.

Invading my eyes with the dull white light of a dying afternoon and encroaching evening, "You passed out.”

I blink slowly, lowering my head and putting my hand against the back of it, "...Okay then."

The Nurse calls out from the room, "It was a combination of poor rest, medication, or stress; any clue which of the three that'd be hitting you the most?"

"Uh..." Telling him that I'm already somewhat slacking on my medication is probably a bad idea. "I've been kinda stressed out, I... Guess."

He reluctantly nods, glancing back and forth between me and his desk, rotating the cup around in circles, "And you've been taking your medication, correct?"

Damnit. He's either seen through my reaction, or he's just smart enough to go off the checklist. Or both. I bite the bullet. Kinda. "I'm still getting into the, uh, routine."

"So you're forgetting your medication, then?" He levels his stare at me, letting his hands rest without fiddling with the coffee cup again, "If you keep this up, you'll end up back in the hospital, you know that right?"

And this is why I wanted to lie. "Of course. I just need to get into a better routine," I let out.

"I would say so too. You didn't hit the track, either."

"I'll fix that. I just... Didn't sleep very well last night."

"Work on it, Hisao, you have to take your health seriously," his face contorts out of it's serious stare, and into a smile, "But... It's only your second day. I have faith in you, so long as you don't go and collapse on the cafeteria tables again. Make sure to let me know if you have anything else happen, as it might be your pills."

I nod sluggishly, picking myself up from the canvas bed. Naomi and Natsume step out of the door and hold it open for me as I lumber across the room. The nurse calls out as I make my way out of the doorway, "Hisao, meds! I've got spies, you know this!"

"We get it, Nurse!" Naomi calls out, giggling as she lets go of the door and makes her way down the hall & out of the auxiliary building, leaving Natsume and me in tow.

I sigh, shoving my hands in my pockets as I walk. "That was... Sorry, both of you. I'm a mess." I say, mostly to just break the silence.

"Bah, it's fine!" she smiles, "You're not an idiot, like some people in this school, those who do nothing but mope, and dope, and hide in their rooms. The fact we're still all talking proves it~!" Naomi responds.

And, right afterwards, Natsume adds on, "She's right, you're a mess. I'm a mess. She's a mess. But we're not stupid messes. That's what matters."

Well. Okay then. I can't really respond to that, so I just nod slightly and follow behind them. We walk silently, since that seems to be fitting for the mood. It's not an uncomfortable one, thankfully. By the time we reach the dorms, I have fully woken up from the short nap, and adjusted to the light.

"I think you'll be fine to your room?" Natsume says, backed up by a tilted head from Naomi.

"Ah, yeah. I'll be fine, thanks again you two. Today was... Interesting." I wave to both of them, as they make their way into the girl's dorm.

I open up the door and step inside the men's dorm, slowly but surely making my way down the halls and to my room.

I unlock the door and slide inside, not even bothering with my clothes as I plop down against the bedsheets. Sleep comes to me like... Eh... Some sort of jaded metaphor.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Apologies on the oh-so-long wait time. Sarcasm aside, I should really keep a consistent post schedule up, especially considering most of this shit is already written.

    Also, I decided to play around with the HNNNNNNNGH in a slightly less out right form? Fainting is a thing that can happen, under the right circumstance. I really didn't want to do this bit, but at the same time it felt kind of important considering certain things that're coming. Odd plot structuring I guess. Still feels faux-drama-y to me, though. Make sure to rip me apart if you think so too!


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Last edited by Riakai on Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Innumerable Fits: A Naomi Inoue Route.

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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Postby Sharp-O » Sun Dec 13, 2015 5:21 pm

Just caught up and while we're still in the early days of Hisao adjusting, you're taking it in a slightly different direction that's keeping me interested. Yuu being an artist is cool (he may get on with Taro!) and I'm interested to see just what Ayao's deal is...

Good work, keep it up, etc etc :D
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Postby Mirage_GSM » Mon Dec 14, 2015 1:00 pm

A few more grammar issues in this one:
They're sat at a circle table,

They're sitting.
"To sit" only takes passive if someone is being sat ON or if someone orders someone to sit somewhere.
I did a bit of studying while

While?
She seemingly vibrates, before silently picking up her book and exiting through the back door, Mutou pays it no heed.

The classroom has a back door?
The first class of the day ends without relative incident.

What is a "relative incident"?
Make it your first precedent?

Again odd choice of words here...
leaving Natsume and I in tow.

"Natsume and me"
By the time we reach the dorms, I had fully woken up

have fully woken up

Story and characters still keep me interested and entertained :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.

Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Innumerable Fits — Naomi Pseudo Route [12/13/15]

Postby TyronePotato » Mon Dec 14, 2015 2:09 pm

Very good story so far, hope to see more soon! :D
ooooh feels.
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