Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Complete]

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swampie2
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 27/6/15]

Post by swampie2 » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:10 am

Chapter 8:
Sharp-O wrote:“Sad vagina?” She responds, all too sincerely.
Oh my god my dog just freaked out because I burst out laughing, that line was perfect.

During the VN I felt pretty awkward reading the sex scenes, but the banter between the two completely removed that, great job!


Chapter 9:

Ditto, nice chapter.


Chapter 10:

*One cold shower later*

Very well written :lol:
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:32 am

Speaking of the "sad vagina" part:

When I first read that, it reminded me of Tomorrow's Doom where the opposite was called a "happy valley".

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 27/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:48 am

swampie2 wrote:Chapter 8:
Sharp-O wrote:“Sad vagina?” She responds, all too sincerely.
Oh my god my dog just freaked out because I burst out laughing, that line was perfect.
I'm putting that on a poster for the series. "Dog-Frighteningly Funny" - Swampie2
swampie2 wrote:During the VN I felt pretty awkward reading the sex scenes, but the banter between the two completely removed that, great job!
Sexy banter is my forte! :lol: But yeah, descriptions of actions and noises is... fine, I guess but it lacks any kind of fun.

I'll be posting another chapter later today because a night of insomnia turns out to be my muse. I'm, like, four chapters ahead of what's here right now. :mrgreen:

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:53 am

Man, these chapter updates are coming at us at Roots speed.


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Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Mon Jun 29, 2015 11:34 am

Chapter Eleven: Perchance to Dream

The night air is thick with smoke, charred black brick and timber strewn about the courtyard. Those under my protection lay broken or worse. Yamaku is ablaze and I kneel amongst what is left of my world with what remains of what I held dearest. Her armour shattered, she could do nothing but succumb to the flame, leaving nought but burnt husk. Screams in the distance only dimmed by the crackle of the inferno. They call to me. They goad me. They tell me that I have failed.

The same nightmare. Every night since the night Ritsu stayed over. At first I dismissed it easily when I found the world to be as it should be, Ritsu resting peacefully by my side. In the days that followed, I couldn’t ignore it quite as easily. By Friday, I had arranged to see the school’s counsellor during the afternoon.

Miss Tsunemori has an authority to her that’s not immediately apparent. Even dressed in a sharp black suit and skirt, her small stature and youthful looks make her come off more as an understudy than a trained psychologist. Once you speak to her though, it becomes abundantly clear that she is definitely qualified to help with your mental well-being. She’s quick-witted, compassionate and she gives off an aura of confidence. Not in herself, but in you. She makes you feel like you matter.

Image
Her office is gaudy as balls, though. I get it, a peaceful forest motif would put people’s minds at ease. A serene, welcoming alternative to the sterility of the nurse’s office but this green is too… green.

“What’s on your mind, Taro?” She leans in with a soft smile.

“This green is a bit much…” I idly comment without thinking, still assessing the room. Thank god she has a sense of humour, too.

“I know what you mean! Unfortunately I was over-ruled on the design. The original plan was more of a tranquil aquatic theme but, apparently, not everyone shares my love of jellyfish.” She laughs, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Jellyfish?” I raise a brow with a smirk.

“Is that weird?” She asks warmly.

“Considering what I’m here for, I don’t think I’m in the position to say anything about your eccentricities.” I offer a smile of my own.

“Self-deprecation. An uncommon trait amongst the students who visit me. Even rarer are students who volunteer…” Now there‘s a leading statement. I guess not everyone is eager to be told what’s wrong with them, especially in this school but if I’m not going to let my physical conditions hold me back, I’m certainly not going to let a psychological one do it.

“I’ve been having nightmares,” I begin, coming to the edge of the beige sofa, resting my arms on my knees. “Well, nightmare. The same one for the past couple days.”

She nods silently, inviting me to continue. I breath deep to steel myself and continue.

“The school is destroyed by something, I‘ve never seen what did it. Fire, debris, the works… My friends, my classmates, are dead or dying... I hear screams amongst the fire. My girlfriend is… She’s…”

Miss Tsunemori moves towards me but I hold up a hand. “I’m good, just give me a second…”

“Take your time, Taro…” She reassures in a hushed tone.

“My girlfriend is dead in front of me and… I feel all these emotions… Fear. Dread. Grief. But most of all I feel like I failed…” I confide, speaking these thoughts aloud for the first time is difficult but I need to get an informed opinion.

“Interesting. Is there anything else in these nightmares? Any recurring elements?”

…I’m a super hero.

“A super hero?”

“Like I said, I can’t really judge you for your love of jellyfish when I dream I‘m a Kamen Rider.” I laugh a little and she nods with the same warm smile.

“It’s not that uncommon. Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story. I take it you tend to think of yourself as a hero? Try to do good for others?”

“Just daydreaming mostly but the second part is true. It’s in my nature though, helping others is just the right thing to do. Feels like it to me, anyway.” I shrug.

“Taro… Will this be your last year at Yamaku?” Now there’s a curveball.

“Um, yeah.” I answer, quite bewildered. Where’s she going with this?

“I think I see what the issue is… You’re having feelings of anxiety about the future and your place in it. Like, once you leave school, the world will fall apart. Your subconscious is tricking you into believing your girlfriend, your friends, the entire school are going to befall some tragic fate because you’re not going to be here to stop it. It’s a condition known as a Messiah Complex.”

Ah, I’ve heard that term before. “Makes sense. I tend to go out of way to help others, in spite of my condition.”

“Exactly, and while aspiring to be a good person is an admirable trait to have, it can run the risk of becoming something dangerous. Starting to believe the people you help owe you something for your sacrifice, for example.” Bitterness and resentment towards the people you protect? Pretty sure I’ve seen that in a Rider show before…

“So what do you suggest?”

“Take some time for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish now and then. Do something for yourself. Something that you really want to do.”

I close my eyes and nod. “I can’t believe I didn’t consider that myself.”

“Self-less people rarely can and the stress often builds up until they simply... Snap. It’s hard to see your own limitations, especially in pursuit of a noble cause. Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees, as the saying goes.” She smiles.

“Now the décor makes sense. You should use that line more often.” I laugh and I feel lighter. Like a weight was lifted.

“Maybe I should!” She lets out an airy laugh.

We make idle chit-chat for a while before I feel I’ve got some of my less dramatic worries off my chest. For now.

“I truly appreciate your time, Miss Tsunemori. You’ve helped me get a few things straight in my head.” I hold out my hand and she gladly accepts it.

“It’s what I’m here for. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.” Patting my good hand before we say our goodbyes.

I turn on my phone as I leave the medical wing, classes ended a little while ago so I should go see Ritsu. I check my messages as I head toward the dorms.

[I’m out of counselling. Not being taken to the asylum. Meet you in your room?] I text to Ritsu.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m barely through Ritsu’s doorway before she’s clinging to me.

“They didn’t put you in the electro-shock chair, did they?!” She cries.

“I think that’s going to be my next visit…” I pat her back with a chuckle. “Today was mostly thumb-screws and water-boarding.”

A punch to my ribs is my punishment for joking about a serious matter, at least to Ritsu. Akio would have appreciated it.

“You big jerk! I was worried! What did they say?” She pouts. I take her hand and lead her to the bed, sitting her on the edge and I explain my nightmare and the councillor’s interpretation of it. Ritsu is still quite squeamish about the dream but she becomes more contemplative as our talk goes on. When I finish, she just closes her eyes and wraps her arms around my neck.

“What do you need me to do?” Wow. Her voice is serious. “I’ll do anything I can.”

I hold her to me and chuckle softly. “The councillor said I need to be a little selfish now and then, stop worrying about others so much. So, right now, there’s only one thing I want to do with you.”

She recoils in shock but slowly nods with a meek smile and begins undoing her bow.

“W-w-whoa! Ritsu! Not THAT, jeez.” I hastily grab her wrist and sigh heavily. “I-I should have worded that b-better. Sorry… I just wanted to ask you on a date! A proper one. You, me and the city.” I smile nervously, that could have become really awkward.

She looks shocked again, her eyes flitting between me and her discarded bow. Never mind, it is awkward.

“A date? Th-that‘s what you meant?” She asks tentatively. I really should have thought about what I was saying. I didn’t want to make her feel like she needed to do something like that.

“Of course, Rits! If I’m going to do stuff that I want to do; right at the top of the list is spending the day with you.” I caress her cheek gently.

“You’re so damn corny…” She blushes profusely, holding my hand to her cheek.

“It’s part of my charm! So what do you say? Bear in mind that these are doctor’s orders.” I playfully wink causing her to giggle.

“Well if it keeps you from going crazy, I guess I have no choice!” She leans and kisses me tenderly. “Taro, I would love to go on a date with you.”

We spend the next hour going over material I missed, our hands never leaving each other’s. We share another tender kiss before I leave and when I get back to my room, I have the best night’s sleep I’ve had in days.
Last edited by Sharp-O on Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:35 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by Feurox » Mon Jun 29, 2015 7:17 pm

I just spent a long time writing a reply to this for my computer to just shoot itself. So yeah. I'm making the effort twice. Lucky you huh? I'm sorry for that. Honestly, i really like this fic, Taro is a really likeable character who to me has such a realism to him that I'm compelled to carry on reading. Your outputting speed for these is incredible, and I really enjoy the length of the posts. Feels like we're learning Taro piecemeal and that's in no way a bad thing. I'll cop out and use the 'not much to say that hasn't been said before' line because I'm lazy and also almost everyone on this site says it better. One criticism that for all intents and purposes could be entirely due to me being stupid, which is probable. But Ritsu feels a litte cartoony. Don't get me wrong that's not all bad, buuuuuuut i always fear that catroony traits become cartoony in general and that would be a shame. It's good as a contrast to Taro but just always be careful that cartoony doesn't become a one trait pony. Also, I feel like Taro's nightmare problem gets resolved a little quickly, like there wasn't much to it in a way?

Anyhow, summarizing. I like it, i like Taro and I really like this fic. I'm sorry I didn't jump on right at the start, because honestly I was skeptical :? I see now I had no reason to be, I have utter confidence that you'll do this proud. So yeah,good chapter. :o

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Mon Jun 29, 2015 7:37 pm

Wow, that's some glowing praise, Feurox! :shock: Thank you so much for taking the time to write it out twice and for reading! hehe

I can totally see the worry for Ritsu and I think I may be subconsciously writing her that way because she's based on an actual anime character (though I've never seen K-On!, truth be told) but hopefully that's not the feeling people get in the upcoming chapters. Or, at the very least, I can keep her consistent :lol:

Taro's nightmare presented a problem going forward because while I wanted to have him to have a visual cue for his anxiety about the future, I didn't want the nightmare to become foreshadow-y because that would be a bit too cartoony so I cut out a small sentence about another dream.

Thanks again for reading and I hope I can keep the characters and stories interesting.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Mon Jun 29, 2015 11:31 pm

I gotta say,the sad vagina line is one of the funniest things I've read in a while. Still loving this story, btw. Just don;t have much to comment on right now besides that.
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Tue Jun 30, 2015 10:45 am

Weird how his nightmares just stopped after just one session with the shrink. I don't think it'd be that easy. Nonetheless, I still like this fanfic.

Oh and I said Roots, not MACH. I made a reference to how likable this series is so far and the speed you're shooting these chapters out, just like Roots. It was told it wasn't gonna be THAT well-liked and they were told to air all the episodes each night for one week (instead of one per week). Needless to say, it was well-acclaimed AND one of the fastest series start-to-finish calendar-wise.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Tue Jun 30, 2015 12:24 pm

HoneyBakedHam wrote: Oh and I said Roots, not MACH. I made a reference to how likable this series is so far and the speed you're shooting these chapters out, just like Roots. It was told it wasn't gonna be THAT well-liked and they were told to air all the episodes each night for one week (instead of one per week). Needless to say, it was well-acclaimed AND one of the fastest series start-to-finish calendar-wise.
Thanks for explaining! :D I didn't get the reference so I changed it to Kamen Rider joke, sorry :oops:

Since I usually write a lot anyway, my output has always been high and since I'm sticking to an average length (hurr-hurr) I can write multiple parts at once. 8)

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 29/6/15]

Post by swampie2 » Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:29 pm

Sharp-O wrote:…I’m a super hero.
God damn sharp, I almost spat coke all over my keyboard. :lol:
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Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 30/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:36 pm

Chapter 12: It’s all Fun and Games…

Saturday’s lessons are thankfully spent in group work, allowing me to talk to Akio about my trip to the councillor and my plans with Ritsu. He seems to take the former in stride, even offering to talk if I need to. Despite the grief we give each other, he really is one of my best friends.

“Mind if I tag along? Not on your date, I have plans with some of the lit. club and I may as well head into the city with you guys.” He asks, idly scrawling an equation on his worksheet.

“I don’t mind. Ritsu?” I look to my girlfriend who nods with a smile.

“No problems here! What are you guys going to do in the city?” Ritsu quizzes Akio, resting her chin on the back of her braced hands.

“I think we’re just hanging out… Me, Suzu, Lezard, Kumaki, Miura… Maybe some others, I dunno…” He trails off, tapping his chin with his pencil, deep in thought.

“Sounds fun! I don’t know what Taro and I are doing…” She announces cheerily, deferring to my judgement. I guess I’m taking the lead since the date was my idea. I’ve got a couple good ideas but we’ll see how the day goes. I have a more pressing concern, however.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“You can’t wear a t-shirt and hoodie on your date!” Akio exclaims, opening up my closet and examining the contents.

“I’m not seeing the problem, it’s casual wear.” I argue, tossing my suggestions onto my bed.

“You need Smart-Casual. I’m not having you go on a date dressed like a slob.” Akio flicks through my clothes hangers one at a time. “Don’t you have a sweater-vest or something?”

“What kind of dickhead wears sweater-vests on dates?” I ask incredulously.

“Never mind! You’re going to look great even if it kills me.” He declares, reaching further and further in.

“Yes, mother.” I laugh as he pulls out a black t-shirt with a distressed logo on it and grey long-sleeve shirt. He hands them to me and I give them a once over. Not a bad combo.

“Put these on with a pair of your grey slacks. Layers work for bigger guys and the contrasting tones are cool.” He comments, waltzing out of the room. “I’m going to change, you’ve got five minutes!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, I’ll admit that this is much better than my idea.” I concede to Akio. The outfit he picked out looks pretty damn good. It even matches the messenger bag that hangs loosely around my lower back.

“I fucking told you, bro. You look hot!” He laughs with a wink. His usual neatly combed hair is now poofy and gelled with great care. Baggy denim jeans, a loose-fitting belt with a playing card motif, dark grey undershirt cut off at the forearms and a nuclear orange t-shirt with “Warning - Fragile” printed on it. It suits his sardonic sense of humour.

“You’re not too bad yourself, man. You look like you belong in a boy band.” I laugh, patting his back.

“So what’s your game plan for today? I hope it’s better than your original choice of wardrobe.” He jokes, can’t say I blame his scepticism.

“A trip through the shopping district, spend some time in the arcade, grab some food at a nice restaurant maybe, romantic walk through the park… Y’know, the whole dating shebang.” I reel off my intended destinations, Akio nodding along.

“All solid choices, Taro but…” We both stop in our tracks as we find Ritsu waiting at the gate.

Image
Her hair is in her usual style and her casual spandex support gloves are present but the rest of her outfit is totally new to me. A loose, flowing turquoise top with a white gradient around the bottom. It’s long too, only allowing a peek of the black denim shorts clinging to her hips and thighs. Her legs look fantastic and they end with dark grey knee-high socks that match her gloves and black, cleated boots. She’s a punk-rock vision of perfection. Damn.

“Well…” Akio offers, clearly as beguiled as I am. “You know what they say; no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Or a pretty girl.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

We reach Akio’s rendezvous point and wave him off as he joins up with the group of five he mentioned earlier. Lezard Valeth and Ikuno Komaki are looking awfully cosy and Suzu is resting against Miki on a bench. I swear I notice Akio’s shoulders slump a little before Ritsu turns my attention toward her.

“So what do you have planned for us, Mr Arai?” She asks, gripping my hand tight. For a split second, I’d forgotten how good she looks.

“Well, I… uh…” Focus, Taro!

“How about we take a walk around the shopping district for a bit?” She offers, leading me in that direction.

“I was just about to suggest that!” I chuckle nervously.

Our adventure through the crowds is fruitful. We spend a surprisingly small amount of time in clothing stores but I do buy a nice shirt that I could always wear on another date, given how Ritsu cooed over it when I tried it on.

We wandered around a couple game stores and manga cafes. I saw quite a few collectibles that I’d love to own but have no room for. Hell, I’m sure my parents are already going to give me grief about the little stuff I have bought. Ritsu looked over some phone charms and smaller figures for herself but nothing really caught her eye.

“Feeling hungry?” I ask, Ritsu’s eyes suddenly lighting up.

God yes! I’ve had a craving for ice cream since we passed that place twenty minutes ago.” She’s already dragging us towards it. Guess it’s decided.

The particular store we go to boasts ‘Over 30 kinds!’ of ice cream and only about twelve seem edible. Cones in hand; caramel for me and a banana/coconut mix for Ritsu, we take a stroll along a foot bridge towards an arcade that was suggested to me. I offer my ice cream to Ritsu and she does the same, both of us taking a bite at the same time. It’s a corny move but hey, why fix want isn’t broken. As we both return to our own treats, Ritsu suddenly grabs me and kisses me deeply. The strange concoction of flavours is tasty. The kiss was pretty hot too.

“I’ve always wanted to try that…” She admits, blushing.

“Coconut, banana and caramel… You’ve got excellent taste, Miss Tainaka.” I give her a smile, which she returns in kind.

“I meant the kiss!” She playfully punches my ribs. “Though now you mention it… We should buy a tub with all three in to take home!” The spark of inspiration sends her eyes wide.

“I dread to think what you’d do with a whole tub…” I narrow my eyes at her.

She winks and starts humming ‘Frosty the Snowman’ as she deposits what’s left of her cone and it’s wrapper in the trash. A shudder runs up my spine as increasingly sordid images flash through my head.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The noise of the arcade hits us like a brick wall as we walk in. It’s Saturday so there’s plenty of people here but not so crowded as to have lines for every machine.

Image
“Pick your poison, Taro.” Ritsu stands before me with an impish smile. I take a cursory glance of the machines around us. Fighters are out, since I’d need two hands. Same with some of the rhythm games… Aha! There’s something. I step past Ritsu, gesturing with my head towards the machine on the right.

“This one?” She asks, looking over the machine. It’s a competitive light gun shooter. Two players compete to score the most amount of points. Simple enough and the two gun stations are even colour-coded blue and pink. I slowly pull the blue pistol from it’s holster while the demo plays on screen. It’s heavy. Surprisingly so but when you rely solely on one arm, you tend to adjust. I straighten my arm to check and, true enough, I can handle it’s weight. Ritsu on the other hand…

“Why is this so damn heavy?” She wails, her straightened arms quivering slightly.

“Probably to keep people from beating it too easily. Can’t see any other reason to weigh it down.” I twist the gun around to inspect it.

“That’s some bullshit,” She hisses bitterly. “But I’m going to kick your ass just to spite this thing!” She grins with a playful menace. I replace the gun for a second and thumb in a couple ¥200 coins.

“Then by all means…” I have to goad her. It’ll make her try harder. Plus she’s hot when she’s pissed. “Give me your best shot!” I laugh and pull the gun from the holster as the game begins. An “Asshole!” is thrown in my direction but I’m too busy grinning and shooting to respond.

Two rounds in and she’s flagging. Her arms are shaking worse than before and even I’m starting to feel the strain. Still, she’s only a couple hundred points behind… I could, maybe…

Over the din of our machine, I hear a familiar tune start up on the CVS2 cabinet just behind us. It seems the Arcade Gods approve of my plan. I replace my gun and step up behind Ritsu.

“Hey, wha--” My good hand sweeps under her two holding the pistol, stabilizing her aim.

“Just giving you a {helping hand}.” I whisper into her ear with a wry smile

She refocuses on the screen and her aim improves with the support and soon she approaches my own score. She breathes harder and her shoulders tense as the screen counts down.

[3! 2! 1! ROUND OVER]

“Waaaa~” She gripes, slipping her weapon back in it’s holster. “I can’t believe you threw that last round and I still lost!” I laugh and wrap my arm around her waist from behind and kiss her check.

“Barely. You really caught up by the end.” I offer supportively.

“Only because of your hell-ping han-do.” She drenches the English in sarcasm but strokes my arm affectionately.

“Okay, you can pick the next ga--” And she’s dragging me through the crowd before I can even finish my sentence.

“I’ll definitely kick your ass at this!” She boldy proclaims, letting go of my arm and bouncing onto the stage. A rhythm dance game. Oh boy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know what I regret more; my piss-poor coordination or the profuse sweating.

“I’m… gonna sit the next one out.” I hang my head in defeat and stepping of the platform, leaning against the guard rail. Ritsu turns on her heels and sticks her tongue out.

“Toldya I'd beat you! I‘m awesome at these games!” She laughs and I glare back, flicking a ¥100 coin to her. Let’s see what she can do when she isn’t laughing at my lumbering attempt at dancing.

“{Show me your moves}.” I wink. She gladly accepts the challenge, plopping the coin in and then picking a 5-Star song. Run-time is short but the difficulty is high. I guess she’s going all out.

[START!]

She rhythmically stamps her feet rapidly on the centre pad as the song kicks in with a heavy bass and drum beat. Is this anime theme in English? Holy. Balls. The song is so fast-paced but the onscreen prompts are even quicker. And Ritsu is doing it. Not perfect but the flashing [GOOD!] and [GREAT!]’s come in quick succession. Her swaying hips and graceful arm movements are totally mesmerising. If I hadn’t already fallen for her, this would be the moment I would. Damn.

The chorus comes after what seems like an eternity and Ritsu’s movements become a blur of shape and strobing lights as the song blares around her. She’s so graceful. Wow. The crescendo is coming and she’s just going faster and faster! Do it, Ritsu! When the song finally ends, she strikes a triumphant pose, thrusting her fist in the air as the music dies and the screen tallies her score. [87%] I’m at a loss for words as Ritsu climbs down from the stage, her legs buckling as she hits the bottom step. I instinctively reach for her and hold her steady.

“I’m… good… just… a little winded.” She wheezes as I pull her close.

She looks up at me, sweat dripping from her forehead. “You were magnificent.” I whisper, still in awe. She leans into a kiss and smiles.

You bet your ass, I was…

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The breeze feels fantastic. Me and Ritsu had gone through three more machines before calling it a day on the arcade and stepping outside for a nice cool-down with some soft drinks before our next stop, though I haven’t really thought about--

“Whoops. Hang on,” Ritsu giggles and pulls out her ringing phone. “Hi Suzu! You guys having fu-- Wait, slow down.” That doesn’t sound good. Ritsu’s face changes drastically, from a pretty smile to abject concern, especially when she looks at me.

“Can you give me a sec?” She whispers.

“Sure…” I nod. She gets up and walks a few feet away. I hope everything’s okay.

“Fucking asshole!” Ritsu screams as she cuts the phone call short. She’s visibly shaking so I go over and put a hand on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” I ask tentatively. She doesn’t answer, just tenses.

“Ritsu… Just tell me…” Oh god, what happened?

“It was such a nice day too…” is all she can muster. “This was supposed to be your day…”

“What. The hell. Happened.”

She breathes a heavy sigh and turns, she can barely look at me and I can see she’s distraught. “It’s Akio… He disappeared a little while ago. Suzu says that he’s been moping since he got here and the last time they saw him, he was…”

I feel a familiar sinking feeling in my stomach, the spectre of fear’s cold hand grasping my heart and an burning anger that I haven’t felt in a long time. I steel myself, I don't want to unnerve Ritsu.

“{Gotcha}.” I bring Ritsu into a reassuring embrace. “You go join Suzu and the others. I’ll go find Akio.” I affirm slowly, trying to maintain my composure.

“B-but, this was su-supposed to be…” She’s choking back tears and I pull her closer.

“I know,” I whisper. “But I have to. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. Go to the others, I’ll let you know when I find him.” I plant a kiss on her forehead and head off down the street. I daren’t turn around, because I know I’d stay with her if I did. But this needs to be done and I hate to have to be the one to do it. The burning in the back of my mind continues. Breath slow, Taro.

Image
I walk cautiously down the steps leading into the inner-city park. The golden hour makes this place look spectacular. I take measured steps toward the pavilion in the centre of the park’s immaculate gardens. This place really is beautiful. I should be here with Ritsu. Focus on your breathing, Taro. Calm down. Please.

“Heeeey, buddy~” I close my eyes and take one slow, deep breath. It's not helping. The burning increases.

“Tell me why you’re drinking again, Akio.”
Last edited by Sharp-O on Sun Jul 05, 2015 3:21 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 30/6/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:07 pm

Skipped over the H-scene - both because I'm not really interested in those and because it's becoming a bit hard to keep up with this story.

Didn't like the chapter about the psychologist as much as the others. The whole thing felt kinda shoved in.
He suddenly started to have nightmares visits a shrink who knows the solution to his problem after three minutes.^^°
Not to mention that that solution doesn't really make sense. If her explanation were correct, why would those nightmares start just after him getting together with Ritsu. I'd think his subconscious would have other things to keep busy in that situation.

The last chapter was better again, though you can colour me sceptical regarding the twist at the end...

Only one comment regarding grammar:
I don’t know what me and Taro are doing…”
Taro and I
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Sharp-O
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 30/6/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:17 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Skipped over the H-scene - both because I'm not really interested in those and because it's becoming a bit hard to keep up with this story.
The H-scenes, apart from the banter, are the easiest things to write. It's paint by numbers, but with naughty words :lol:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Didn't like the chapter about the psychologist as much as the others. The whole thing felt kinda shoved in.
He suddenly started to have nightmares visits a shrink who knows the solution to his problem after three minutes.^^°
Not to mention that that solution doesn't really make sense. If her explanation were correct, why would those nightmares start just after him getting together with Ritsu. I'd think his subconscious would have other things to keep busy in that situation.

I'll freely admit that it reads a little forced but it establishes Miss Tsunemori (and I'm quite disappointed that no one seems to have twigged onto her true identity yet) who plays a role in the story long-term and shows that Taro's imagination can fuck him over as much as it helps him, which may or may not be an issue in the future. :)
Mirage_GSM wrote:though you can colour me sceptical regarding the twist at the end...
We'll see how you feel after the next couple of chapters.

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