Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Complete]

WORDS WORDS WORDS

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Feurox
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 18/8/15]

Post by Feurox » Tue Aug 18, 2015 7:26 pm

I have nothing to add, continued fantasticicalness, I mean you're still going strong but this mistake just made the scene for me.
She moans as my hands glide along her underwear and finally rest on my butt, squeezing her cheeks gently
Well damn he's talented, or he's got massive hands.

Keep up the good work.



ALSO EDIT: So I noticed Mirage skipped your H-scene so I thought I'd go through it again without my Sharp-O tinted glasses on, and i got to say, it really ends up just being okay. Like It's walk the line, I don't find it super amazingly touching or loving as I'm sure you're going for. It kind of feels like it's been eased a little for convenience, like you glossed over the painful and awkward start, which you'd led into well, so you could skip to the "dirty talking" Hanako. It's not bad at all, far from it. But It's sort of written like an Idelic 14 year olds vision of sex. Its very hard to explain, but like during the VN I always found the sex scenes to be slightly jarring, or at least most of them. Hisao was always able to pull it off pretty flawlessly, and especially considering the girls and him are (presumably) virgins. Climaxing together and generally escaping any awkwardness. Awkwardness that I feel your characters would have benefited more from here. Two broken individuals with a broken sex life, that they make work with its cracks. Say Hanako flinching with her scars and things like that, I know how strong your hanako is but Im sure you see my point.

Anyhow, just thought i'd give you MY feedback on it, you know I love your work so carry on carrying on. :)

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Sharp-O
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 18/8/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Tue Aug 18, 2015 7:55 pm

Feurox wrote:Anyhow, just thought i'd give you MY feedback on it, you know I love your work so carry on carrying on. :)
And it was fantastic feedback too! Thank you, Feurox :D

I'll totally hold my hands up to the idyllic nature of the act and I will admit that it can come off as a little trite. I did have the idea of something going wrong (even a couple things) but... I dunno, man, I just wanted this to go right for these kids. Finding each other is the best thing to happen to them and I didn't have the heart (or lack thereof) to ruin it. As much as I like to put characters through the ringer sometimes, I am a big ol' softie. Someone in this group deserves a happy ending and it's gonna be these two.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 18/8/15]

Post by swampie2 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:08 pm

Feurox wrote:...during the VN I always found the sex scenes to be slightly jarring, or at least most of them.
Never, ever play grisaia no kajitsu. Those scenes haunt me in my sleep.

Regarding KS, I found most of the sex scenes to be rather awkward, but I suppose that's what you get when you read porn.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 18/8/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:17 am

Never, ever play grisaia no kajitsu. Those scenes haunt me in my sleep.
Having seen the first season of the anime, I wouldn't touch that VN with a three-meter pole...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 18/8/15]

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:04 am

My laptop couldn't handle the size of the VN, anyway. You know it's ridiculous when it requires gigabytes of memory to install, no joke...

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Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Wed Aug 19, 2015 9:33 pm

Chapter Forty-Four: Reserve Tempo

~~~~Hanako~~~~

My eyes flicker open to find my arms empty. Oh no… I jolt upright, clutching the covers to my bare chest.

“You okay?”

At the foot of my bed, haloed by the morning light, sits Akio. Leaning against the wall, one leg bent up with his arm resting casually on it. Shirtless and with a thin cylinder in his mouth, he looks like a teen idol hearthro--

“Are you SMOKING!?” I yell in disbelief, my voice cracking. Ow. Dry throat.

“Huh?” He asks, popping a light pink lollipop out of his mouth. That just raises more questions!

“WherGack!” I choke and he points to a warm cup of tea on my bedside table. I take it in hand and gulp it down, choking again.

“The hell is this?!” I rasp quietly.

“Tea, Molly-style.” He slurs, holding the lollipop in the side of his mouth.

“It’s like poison…” I glare at the golden liquid. “When did you learn to make tea like this?” I look up at my boyfriend and he shrugs.

“I didn’t, Molly did.”

“I’m going to have words with that girl about how to make tea…” I mutter, replacing the cup on my bedside table.

“See where that gets you.” He chuckles. “Sleep well?”

“Mmm! Like a baby!” I smile as I stretch my arms and back. “You?” I cross my legs under the covers and rest my chin on one hand, holding the covers to my chest with the other.

“Mostly, woke up earlier than you though.” He smiles and points to the table on the floor. “Had some time to kill and you were out cold so I tidied up and got us some breakfast.”

“How thoughtful~.” I sigh happily, never breaking my gaze on him.

“It’s not much, mostly scrounged out of the fridge in the common room.” He smiles, picking a mug up off window sill.

“It’s fine, dear.” I smile.

Dear? Man, you’ve been domesticated overnight.” He smirks before sipping his coffee.

“Says the guy who just made me breakfast…”

“Touché. So what do you want to do today?”

“I don’t know… We could always stay here…” I smile coyly. I wouldn’t mind that at all…

“Sure you’re not just hiding from everyone?” He says, causing me to raise an eyebrow quizzically.

“Why would I be hiding?” I furrow my brow and tilt my head. I haven’t done anything wrong… They all seemed glad to help me last… night… Ohhhhh, hell.

“There it is~” Akio announces in a sing-song voice with a devilish grin.

“H-how…” I barely squeak one word out, unable to finish the thought that’s screaming in my skull like an air raid siren. How bad was it?

“They were all there. In the common room. Waiting.” He sighs. “Like a pack of fucking hyenas…”

I hadn’t even thought past last night but clearly…

“I roped all our friends into helping us have sex for the first time.” I admit, my face turning scarlet at the thought of all our friends lying in wait to congratulate us. That must have been so embarrassing for Akio.

“You certainly did! There’s a banner down there and everything.” He chuckles. I know he's joking but the thought is still mortifying.

“I’m s-sorry, Akio…”

“What are you sorry for?” He tilts his head towards me with a look of confusion.

“You j-just did a w-walk of shame in front of all our f-friends!” I declare, flummoxed by my own lack of foresight.

“Shame? Pfft.” He dismisses the very notion of embarrassment from the air with a wave as he crawls up the bed towards me.

“That was a walk of triumph.” He smirks before kissing me sweetly on the lips.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~Miki~~~~

“Oh man, that was golden!” I cackle as me, Taro and Ritsu make our way into town for groceries and a trip to the Shanghai.

“That’ll teach him for that stunt he pulled on us.” Ritsu snickers, nudging Taro’s belly.

“I’m just glad it was him and not Hanako. I don’t think she really realised what she was asking us to help her with…” He shakes his head with a sly smile.

“To be fair, we were all so caught up in the romance of it that we didn’t even think about it until Akio went up to Hana’s room…” Ritsu says, wrapping her arm around Taro’s bad arm.

“Says you, I was the one she came to for advice on doing the deed.” I snort and Ritsu shoots me a surprised stare.

“God, I’m surprised he could even walk if she took your advice!” Taro laughs and receives a playful jab from me and cold stare from Ritsu. I think she’s still sore about our shared past. Girl needs to build a bridge and get over herself, her schtick’s as tired as Suzu.

“I wonder why she wouldn’t ask me…?” Ritsu ponders, pouting a little.

“Because I’m the big sister of our group.” I puff out my chest in pride and grin at the smaller girl. Oh, she did not like that.

“That makes sense, really.” Taro nods in agreement.

“I could be a big sister to Hana!” Ritsu declares loudly, tugging on Taro’s arm.

“You’re younger than she is. And shorter.” Taro furrows his brow with a bemused smirk. Dude, I love you, but you need to learn to keep your mouth shut.

Jerkass.” Ritsu pulls her arm away from Taro and starts walking a little faster.

“Oh, c’mon! I was joking!” He calls out to her, quickening his pace after her. I keep my pace steady. I’ve had my fill of being a guest star in their little tiffs. I can only hope her mood rebounds quicker than their relationship did or today’s gonna drag…

-------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~Suzu~~~~

“Suzu?”

“Mm.”

Suuuuzu~”

“What?”

“I do actually need your help with this history assignment, y’know.” Molly says and I groan, lifting my head off my textbook. I know this stuff already but I guess a foreign student would have trouble with it.

“And there was me thinking you just wanted me for company.” I yawn, stretching out my arms. I cross my arms and lean across the table, peering at the notes Molly is making.

“There’s your problem.”

“Where?”

“Your notes are upside-down English.” I smirk and she looks up from her textbook, half-scowling and half-smirking. She flicks the pencil between her fingers at me and it lightly taps my forehead. I spring backwards, flailing on the floor.

Owwww! How could you be so cruel, Molly! Now, I die.” I let my body go limp and close my eyes.

“Get up, drama queen!” Molly giggles.

A few seconds go by and I’m still playing dead. A few seconds more pass by and another pencil hits my body. I lay still.

Then she throws a god damn eraser that bounces off my temple.

“Ow! That actually hurt!” I shout from my prone position.

“The dead don’t speak, Suzu.” Molly calls back and I feel another pencil hit me.

“Fine! I’m getting up!” I grumble and she hits me with one last pencil. A blue one. “You’re not funny.”

“I’m exceptionally funny, you just don’t get my humour.” She grins. I gather up her supplies and toss them on the table as I scoot back towards it.

“Thanks for helping me though, Suzy. History was never my forte. More of a Science-y kind of girl.” She contorts her face into a perplexed expression as she looks over her notes again.

“You can help me with my problems then. Well, my science problems. I think you’ve helped me more than enough with my… other problem.”

“Like I said before, just a little bout of wish fulfilment. Besides, it’s perfectly natural to have a healthy sexual appetite at our age so fantasising about a classmate isn’t too much of a problem. We’ve all done it…” She says nonchalantly, her eyes moving from textbook to notebook as she crosses something out and jots something else down.

“Oh really?” I purr, sensing some scandalous fantasy in Molly’s past. Anything to distract from this History assignment. She looks up with a quizzical eyebrow.

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me! You just admitted to fantasising about a classmate! Or is it classmates, hmmm?”

She looks at me for a second and continues her notes. Oh no, you’re not going to escape that easily! I snatch her notebook out from under her pencil and her eyes dart to me.

“Oi! Give that back!”

“Nuh-uh. You’re not getting this back until you spill the details, Miss Kapur~” I tease in a lilting tone. She breaths a heavy sigh and tosses her pencil onto the table as she leans back against my bed.

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just like that recurring dream I have. Just my subconscious inventing stuff.” She shrugs and I lean on the table with a smirk.

“If it’s not a big deal, then you won’t mind telling me about it. C’mon, Molls. You know about my sordid little fantasy, let’s hear one of yours!”

She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs again. “Just one.”

I scamper around the table and sit beside her, grinning like a madwoman.

“You really are a fujoshi, you know that?” She half-smiles while throwing me a dirty look and I just nod enthusiastically.

“C’moooon! Gimme the goods.”

“This goes no further, understood? This is merely a fantasy made up by my subconscious, not an indication of actual desire.” She says sternly and I nod with a smile. She takes a few seconds to contemplate, as if cycling through a mental rolodex of fantasies. I wonder how many of us she’s thought about like that.

“…I had one about Miki around six months ago.” Molly says finally and I squeal excitedly, gripping her arm and shaking her.

“Really!?”

“Yeah, now calm the fuck down!” She furrows her brow and I let her go but this is so juicy! “Like I said, just my mind making stuff up. I think it was that Army of Darkness picture Taro drew.”

“So you like a bit of butch Miki?” I ask with a grin and she frowns at me. C’mon, Molly, play along!

“I’ll freely admit that Miki exudes a raw sexuality that’s quite alluring and she has many other attributes I find attractive but I wouldn’t say I’m actually attracted to her, no.”

“Molls… Are you into girls?” I ask. She’s not being all that forthcoming with details so I should ask for clarification.

“Possibly. Never been with a girl so I can’t say for certain.” Molly shrugs.

~~~~Molly~~~~

Suzu seems to mull over that little bit of info for a little bit before finally nodding.

“Sure, makes sense.” She smiles.

“Are we done now? Can we get back to work?” I ask and she nods, sliding closer to the table. She reaches across to her side and retrieves my notebook and puts it back in it’s place. I sidle up beside her as she skims through what I’ve written.

“Thanks for sharing, by the way. I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one who thinks up that kind of stuff.” She says, smiling a little as she looks at me.

“That’s okay, Suzy. Now can you explain this part to me?” I point to the page and she giggles, like me struggling to understand the Sengoku period is somehow funny. As she explains, my mind begins to wander…

Has Suzu always smelled like raspberries?
Last edited by Sharp-O on Thu Aug 20, 2015 6:41 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by swampie2 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:40 am

“Your notes are upside-down English.”
Surely Molly would have known this?

Nice chapter, the walk of triumph line gave me a smile. :mrgreen:
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Aug 20, 2015 3:18 am

Two typos:
“Sure you’re not just hiding from everyone?” I raises an eyebrow quizzically.
If this chapter was originally Akio's perspective you forgot to change a pronoun.
A few seconds more passes by
pass

You dialled back the pace considerably since the last one, but from time to time that's neccessary :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Alpacalypse » Thu Aug 20, 2015 3:25 am

Sharp-O wrote:Has Suzu always smelled like raspberries?
Molly, you're the psychologist here, but even I think we can fairly decisively say that you're into girls.
I assume that we're on course for a Suzu x Molly pairing? 8)
Lollipop
Walk of triumph
Pfffhahahaha :lol: Nice to see Akio back to the usual snarking and practical-jokery

Excellent work, Sharp!
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:04 am

swampie2 wrote:
“Your notes are upside-down English.”
Surely Molly would have known this?
Certainly, but she was feeling sassy.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Two typos:
Fixed, cheers Mirage :)
Alpacalypse wrote:
Lollipop
Walk of triumph
Pfffhahahaha :lol: Nice to see Akio back to the usual snarking and practical-jokery
Yeah, felt he needed a little reset, he was becoming too much of a MoR :lol:

Thanks for reading guys!

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Silentcook » Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:35 am

Sharp-O wrote:“{Oi}!
...

That... doesn't really need curly brackets around it. :|
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Thu Aug 20, 2015 6:41 am

Silentcook wrote:
Sharp-O wrote:“{Oi}!
That... doesn't really need curly brackets around it. :|
Well I wanted to differentiate it from the Japanese 'oi' but whatever, I'll change it.

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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by AntonSlavik020 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 9:53 pm

Not gonna lie, had to look up what "fujoshi" meant. Never heard the term before.

Anyways, another fun chapter. Looking forward to more Suzu x Molly stuff, even if you can't combine their names into something that sounds good.
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Re: Monomyth: Taro Arai's Story [Update: 20/8/15]

Post by Sharp-O » Fri Aug 21, 2015 10:09 pm

AntonSlavik020 wrote:Not gonna lie, had to look up what "fujoshi" meant. Never heard the term before.

Anyways, another fun chapter. Looking forward to more Suzu x Molly stuff, even if you can't combine their names into something that sounds good.
Sully? Mozu? I think they sound alright. Better than Ritsuro :lol: There'll be more fun coming, plus, the inevitable end of Monomyth. Stay tuned :wink:

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