"Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (7/11)

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Omicronus
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"Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (7/11)

Post by Omicronus » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:35 pm

Hello, everyone. I'm Omicronus, long time lurker, first time poster. After reading so much fanfiction here, I was inspired try my hand at writing my own KS fanfic, an idea that I had sitting in my hard drive for over a year. It's not much coming from me, but there are so many people I have to thank for their work. Notable people include Leaty, FluffandCrunch, Brythain, Thanatos02, themocaw, dewelar, Eurobeatjester, Helbereth and Guest Poster. Your fics made me laugh, made me cry, warmed my heart and inspired me to contribute to this fandom.

Names for the acts and scenes will pop up as I find the inspirations for them.

Concrit is always welcome. Don't hesitate to be brutal if you need to. I'm a big boy. I can take it.

"Can you move past the past?": A Katawa Shoujo fanfiction by Omicronus
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Table of Contents
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


Prologue: An Eye for an I
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Scene 01 - The Sins of the Father
Scene 02 - Lack of Perception
Scene 03 - Facing Forward
Scene 04 - Leaving Behind

Act 1: [Title TBA]
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Scene 01 Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Last edited by Omicronus on Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:45 pm, edited 12 times in total.

Omicronus
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"Can you move past the past?" Prologue Scene 1

Post by Omicronus » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:40 pm

Prologue Scene 01 -- The Sins of the Father

*****

“...Wherein...zahell havoo bin?”

I left the question unanswered as I slipped my shoes off. The way he slurred it already told me all that I needed to know.

“I ask yoo a ques-chin!”

I heard the sound of a beer bottle being thrown and shattering against the wall behind me as I approached the stairs.

“I was at Kensuke’s house. We had a project to finish,” I replied flatly. It wasn’t all true, but my father didn’t need to know. The two of us, as well as Yumi and Noriko (two girls in our class also working on our project) decided to go out for dinner after we finished the day’s work.

“Looka me when yer talkin,” he said, sauntering into the hall.

I turned to face him, and suddenly felt...something well up in me. It was something that was equal parts anger, fear, hatred, and disgust all rolled into one foul-tasting ball that was dead weight in the pit of my stomach. The ‘anger’ part of it made me clench my hands into fists and raised the hair on the back of my neck. The ‘fear’ part made me want to run upstairs, lock my door and curl up in a corner in shame. The ‘hatred’ part made me grind my teeth, holding in the ‘disgust’ part, which wanted to rail at him for what a wreck he’s become.

“Where...inzahell...havoobin?” The words melded together even more and the ‘fear’ part slowly started to take over. He got violent when he’d had too many. I didn’t want to talk to him, and the excuse of me falling down the stairs wasn’t passing muster with Kensuke and the others any more.

“I already said I was at Kensuke’s house this afternoon. We had a project to finish.”

He narrowed his eyes in an attempted glare. “Issnine-furrty,” he replied. “Thafucch yabin doin’?”

“It was a long project,” I answered. I really didn’t want to have this conversation. “I’m just going to go to bed. I’ve got an early day--”

The phone ringing in the next room silenced me, and a cold hand gripped my heart. My cellphone died on me earlier this afternoon (I’d forgotten to charge it the night before), and I forgot to tell Ken and the girls not to call my house.

I wanted to run past him and grab the phone, hoping against all hope that it wasn’t Noriko, but my feet inconveniently decided to stay rooted on their respective steps as my father shambled over to the phone and answered it.

“H’llo?”

Not caring who was on the phone, my next instinct was to head up to my room, lock the door, prop my desk chair underneath the knob and sit on my bed awake until the morning arrived. Unfortunately for me, my dad was the type that no matter how drunk they got, they remembered everything that happened the night before as if they didn’t drink at all. On top of that, my feet still didn’t want to move.

My fears were founded as I heard the handset clatter on the living room floor, followed immediately by the sound of stomping feet.

“The hell you doin’ wastin’ yer money an’ time on girls?” he screamed, his voice crystal clear and threatening. I backed up the stairs slowly.

“She’s my classmate!” I cried out defensively. “Me, Ken, Noriko and Yumi had a project to work on!”

“Liar!” The accusation was followed by the breaking of glass. I didn’t even realize he had a beer bottle in his hand. “Spending what little money we have left on girls?”

“No! Honest!” There was no more anger, no more hatred, and no more disgust. I backed up two more steps before I turned tail.

I hadn’t even gone one step when I felt his hand around my ankle, yanking me down. My jaw hit the floor, and I cried out in pain as I bit my tongue.

“First your mother leaves me and takes my only daughter!”

I felt him grab my upper arm and wrench me around. His grip was like a vise. If there are bruises, I don’t think I can think of an explanation for those.

“Now, my son is running around, not caring about his studies and wasting his life on women!”

He whipped his hand the other direction, slapping me in the face. At least one of my teeth must be loose now.

“No son of mine is going to grow up to be a delinquent!” He raised his other arm, the one brandishing the broken bottle and using the neck as a handle.

“Satoshi!” I cried out helplessly. “Satoshi, help me!” I tried to whip my hands over my face. He slurred something, but his voice was too thick and I couldn’t make it out over the sound of blood beating in my ears.

All I saw was a flash of amber.

Then darkness.

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Last edited by Omicronus on Wed Jun 10, 2015 8:43 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by Gajzla » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:52 pm

Wow…

That was really good, well written, engaging and left me wanting more.
Omicronus wrote:I don’t think I can think of an explanation for those.
Only a small thing, but this didn't make much sense to me in the context. I might just be stupid though. :lol:

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by Omicronus » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:56 pm

Gajzla wrote:Wow…

That was really good, well written, engaging and left me wanting more.
Omicronus wrote:I don’t think I can think of an explanation for those.
Only a small thing, but this didn't make much sense to me in the context. I might just be stupid though. :lol:
No, you're not stupid. I didn't realize I omitted something. Fixed!

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Gajzla
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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by Gajzla » Tue Jun 09, 2015 7:12 pm

Omicronus wrote:No, you're not stupid. I didn't realize I omitted something. Fixed!
Ah that makes sense now. Good to know i'm not going crazy.

Looking forward to seeing more of this, keep up the good work.

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"Can you move past the past?" Prologue Scene 2

Post by Omicronus » Tue Jun 09, 2015 9:41 pm

Prologue Scene 02 -- Lack of Perception

*****

My throat hurt. It felt raw, hoarse. My forearms were itchy and sore, too.

The fact that I was still alive to feel my throat and arms hurting was a surprise.

I opened my eyes. Rather, I tried to open them. Vision slowly cleared in my left eye and I could feel it moving around as I took in my surroundings.

My right eye wouldn’t open. I tried to force it, but pain prevented me from continuing. I hissed in frustration and lifted my head weakly. Looking down, I saw that my forearms were bandaged from wrist to elbow.

A surprised gasp alerted me to someone’s presence. I couldn’t see them with my right eye, impaired as it was.

“Mama, Mama! Ryo’s awake!”

I heard footsteps quickly approaching me, and I turned my head to see a little girl looking at me, her expression worried yet hopeful.

“Ryo! Ryo, you’re awake!”

“Yes, Asami,” I managed. “Ryo’s awake.”

“Ryo...”

I lifted my head with a wince to look at the woman addressing me. She had a look of sorrow and contrition on her face as she walked around the bed and wrapped her arms around me gently.

“Mom...”

“I’m so sorry, Ryo,” she whispered so softly I barely heard it. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I attempted to embrace her. The simple task of wrapping my arms around her proved to be too much, and I put my arms back down in defeat.

“I’m sorry,” I spat bitterly. “I can’t even hug you.”

“Don’t,” she said. “Just rest.” She straightened up. “I’ll be right back. Your friends wanted me to let them know when you woke up. Same with your brother.”

My brother...

“Satoshi?” I asked immediately. “He’s here?”

My mother nodded. “Yes. He’s waiting outside with your friends.”

The budding excitement suddenly deflated. Kensuke, Noriko and Yumi... I turned away, shame suddenly settling over me like a wet blanket. “Can I...” I paused, a bitter taste on my tongue. “Can I talk to Satoshi alone first?”

My mother furrowed her brow but held her tongue. Instead, she nodded and turned to my sister. “Come on, Asami.” Gently guiding her by the shoulders, she walked over to the door of my room and stuck her head out. After a moment, she stepped back, and the door opened wider to accommodate a tall, clean-shaven bear of a man with wide shoulders and a straight jaw. His eyes were filled with a mix of worry and relief, and he strode towards my bed with a purpose. He stopped at the foot of the bed, and immediately, his hands were a flurry of motion.

[Ryo, are you okay? Can you talk to me?]

I nodded and lifted my hands, wincing as I slowly signed my reply.

[I can talk to you slowly. My hands and arms hurt.] I frowned. [I couldn’t even hug Mom.]

A sad smile darkened his features as he glanced away from me briefly. [You had me worried. Mom was hoping you’d wake up tonight.]

[Why?] I asked. [How long have I been out?]

[Three hours,] he replied. [I came here as soon as I heard.]

[What happened?] I asked, immediately regretting it. I tried to sign as quickly as I could to tell him not to answer, but his hands were already moving, and the answer was one that I half-dreaded. His face relayed some of the offense in his response.

[Why don’t you ask Noriko?]

I turned my head away. Even though he couldn’t speak, I could feel the accusation in his eyes. [She wasn’t supposed to know. No one was supposed to know.]

[You could have told me!] He poked vehemently at his chest.

[I didn’t want you to know!] I pointed at him with equal intensity.

Frustrated, he whirled around and walked to the door. The second he turned to look at me, I’m ready to sign, but before I can even begin, he whipped the door open and poked his head and arms out the doorway. He signed to them. I couldn’t tell what exactly he was saying, but I could tell he was frustrated by the look on his face and how quickly his shoulders bounced.

As soon as he finished signing, my mother and Asami, Yumi, Ken and Noriko slowly filed into the room. Ken looked unsure of himself and shrugged when I looked at him, an awkward smile slowly tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Yumi looked worried, and her concern only seemed to grow when I looked at her.

Noriko’s face was completely ashen, and I turned away the second we made eye contact. She knew too much.

“What did your brother say?” Ken asked slowly.

“He said that maybe you could do a better job of making me talk,” my mother replied. I glared at my brother.

“Ryo, why didn’t you tell us?” Yumi asked in a tiny voice. I shut my working eye. I did not want to have this conversation. “We could have helped you.”

“Yeah,” Kensuke piped up. “I mean, we’re your friends. We could have called the cops or something for you. You could have stayed with me.”

I turned to Noriko, who seemed to jump back in surprise when I regarded her.

“Noriko…”

She shook her head, turned around and ran out of my room.

“Nori?” Yumi glanced at Kensuke and followed her out.

“Your dad didn’t hang up the phone when Noriko said who she was,” Ken replied. “She heard everything your dad said, and…”

He let the sentence trail off. He didn’t need to say any more. She heard me calling for Satoshi as my father tried to kill me.

“She used her home phone to call the police,” he said feebly.

Satoshi snapped his fingers. I looked up to see his scowling face.

[How long has this been going on?]

I shook my head. [I don’t want to talk about it now.]

[Damn it all, Ryo, I’m not going to take that for an answer!] His gaze was smoldering. [How long has he been doing this?]

I looked away. Before he could sign any more, a doctor strode into the room, looking down at a clipboard. He lifted his gaze and surveyed everyone in the room.

“Ryosuke Tachikawa, yes?” he asked, looking at me over his glasses. I nodded weakly.

“Your arms aren’t too badly scratched up, though there will be scarring. You’ll need to keep the bandages for a while, yet.” He glanced down at the clipboard again and frowned. “Your eye, however…”

“What is it?” Mother asked from behind the doctor. He turned to face her and she flicked her gaze towards Satoshi. I didn’t realise she was translating for him. “My oldest son was asking. He’s deaf.”

The doctor looked to Satoshi and nodded. “Well, simply put, your right eye is severely damaged. You’ll no longer be able to see through it.”

I felt a mix of anger and shame. I’m blind in one eye. I glared at Kensuke.

“You could have waited until I called,” I said in a low voice.

“Hey, don’t blame me for this,” he snapped, pointing behind him at the open door. “And don’t blame Noriko, either. You didn’t charge your phone, and you decided not to tell anyone that your dad beats you.”

I wanted to rail back at him, but Satoshi slashed his arm through the air between the two of us, cutting me off.

[And consider yourself lucky that she did call, Ryo,] he signed crisply. I could tell he was getting angrier because his signing was becoming more pronounced. [What if she didn’t call? You probably wouldn’t even be alive right now!]

“Satoshi!”

All eyes turned to my mother.

“That’s enough,” she half-shouted, her voice quavering slightly. “I’ll have none of that with your sister here.”

“Why? What did he--”

My mother shook her head. “I’m sorry, Kensuke. I’ll not translate that in front of Asami.” She glanced out the door. “You might want to check if Noriko’s all right.” She looked down at my sister, my mom’s hands covering her shoulders. “Asami, your brothers and I need to talk.”

Kensuke looked at my mother for a moment before nodding. Without another word, he took Asami’s hand and stepped out of my room.

“I’m afraid that I’ll have to ask you both to leave as well,” the doctor cut in tersely before my mother or brother could start. “It’s very late in the night, and I’m sure that your son is not in the best of positions to hear or argue about the current situation.

“You can visit him tomorrow,” he said with finality. He shot me a look before he nodded at my mother and brother. “Perhaps after some rest, the three of you will be better able to continue your...discussion.”

Satoshi took a deep breath and raised his arms to sign, but a slow shake of my mother’s head stopped him. Instead, he looked at me then back at the doctor and bowed.

[Thank you,] he signed. [I leave him in your care.] Judging from the final glance he shot at me, he was trying very hard to let the matter drop for now. Without another sign, he strode out of my room.

“Thank you, Doctor,” my mother said softly.

“You’re welcome,” he returned. He led my mother out of my room, closing the door behind him but leaving it ajar.

I let out a breath and let my body go limp, the soreness in my arms increasing tenfold. I shut my eye tightly.

Fuck, I thought. I’m blind in one eye, and now my family and friends know that I have an abusive father…

Satoshi’s accusation cut through my thoughts.

What if Noriko didn’t call?

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Last edited by Omicronus on Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by brythain » Tue Jun 09, 2015 9:48 pm

Thanks for the shout-out! Always feels good to have made a contribution. You've written something pretty powerful in its own right so far, and I'm looking forward to much more. At the end of the hospital scene, however, I thought of this: it's more along the lines of "Can you SEE past the past?" ;)
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by Omicronus » Tue Jun 09, 2015 9:58 pm

brythain wrote:Thanks for the shout-out! Always feels good to have made a contribution. You've written something pretty powerful in its own right so far, and I'm looking forward to much more. At the end of the hospital scene, however, I thought of this: it's more along the lines of "Can you SEE past the past?" ;)
The title, admittedly, is actually just a working title for now. I didn't really think of one. The idea just popped into my head last year, life happened, and I fell out of writing in general. Getting back into it with fresh eyes and fresh mind got me thinking about it again, and I still never did figure out a title.

Thanks for the input, and I might take the title change into consideration if my story unfolds as it does.

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:04 am

Loving this so far. Looking forward to seeing what happens.

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- An OC story

Post by Alpacalypse » Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:26 pm

Hm. I find this intriguing.
And awesome!
You may proceed, good sir.
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
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I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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"Can you move past the past?" Prologue Scene 3

Post by Omicronus » Wed Jun 10, 2015 8:55 pm

Thanks, everyone, for the support and comments. I've been writing for a very long time, and I don't think I've ever gotten support like this. :oops:

Prologue Scene 03 -- Facing Forward

*****

The sound of knocking woke me up. I looked in the direction of the digital clock, my vision slowly clearing, the painfully red numbers indicating the time.

5:45 pm.

“Come in,” I called out groggily. I noticed that my lunch tray was gone.

“Hey.”

I turned towards the door to see my mother, brother, Kensuke, Noriko and Yumi slowly filing in.

“Hey,” I sighed. Kensuke gave me a small wave in greeting while Satoshi and my mother stood off to one side of the door.

“How are you feeling?” Yumi asked, taking some schoolbooks out of her bag and setting them by my left foot.

I sighed. “Less tired.” I looked at my brother, who crossed his arms slowly and leveled his gaze evenly at me.

“Ryo…”

All eyes flew to Noriko. She looked around and swallowed. “Ryo, why didn’t you tell any of us? We could have helped you. We would have understood.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t find the words. I slunk back in my hospital bed, looking down at the bandages on my left arm, trying to find the words.

A sharp clap sounded and everyone turned to stare at my brother.

[Well?] he signed. I felt my face warm in embarrassment.

“I was scared, all right?” I half-shouted. My mother jumped in her seat at my reaction, and it took her a second before she started signing to my brother. “Mom, Asami and Satoshi live halfway across the city!”

I turned to Kensuke. “I didn’t want to tell you because if I stayed at your house, I was afraid of what he’d do.” I looked away. “I thought I could just tough out the rest of the term, and I would have moved in with my mom or my brother, or something.” I lowered my voice. “I would have figured something out.”

My brother strode up beside Noriko. [Well, obviously that didn’t work,] he signed. I could tell he was annoyed but there was a look in his eye that softened the blow, if only a little bit. He was about to sign some more, but he didn’t, suddenly lost in thought.

“Guys…” I took a breath. “Can...can you guys not tell anyone at school about this?”

The entire room went silent. My friends looked at each other hesitantly.

“Your mom asked the same thing last night when we left,” Yumi replied. “We told her that we wouldn’t.”

“We can’t promise, though,” Kensuke cut in.

Everyone stared at him in shock. “Why not?”

He suddenly glared at me in disbelief. “Do you have any idea how hard that’s going to be?” I should have known this was coming. He didn’t say much last night, and Kensuke is probably the most vocal of the four of us. “I get that you want to keep this under wraps, Ryo, but we won’t be able to do that.” He pointed at me. “Everyone in our class is already wondering why you’re absent. We promised your mom yesterday, but Noriko almost told one of her friends by accident. If Yumi hadn’t reminded her, the whole school would know by now!”

He shook his head. “And what about when you come back to school? Your bandages and your scars are going to stick out like a sore thumb. How long do you think you can evade everyone asking you or talking about you behind your back? And if they don’t ask you, they’re going to ask us, and it’s not right for us to lie about this.”

He thrust a finger in Noriko’s direction. “That’s another thing. It’s not fair to Noriko to ask her something like this. It’s no secret that the two of you have feelings for each other and the both of you are too damn scared to make the first move.” I opened my mouth to protest as Noriko’s face went completely ashen, but he slashed his hand through the air between us. “No, Ryo. There is no way you’re going to deny it, especially now.” He took a breath. “Do you have any idea how traumatizing this is for her? She heard everything, Ryo. She. Heard. Everything.

I could only stare dumbly at Noriko, who looked like she was going to burst into tears, be sick, or run away at the slightest provocation.

“Ryo, she heard your dad while he beat you, and if it weren’t for her, he might have killed you! She saved your life, and not only are you asking us to keep this a secret, you want us to keep this a secret knowing full well you’re thinking of running away from it?” He was practically shouting now. “Your dad’s not stupid, Ryo. Even if you did run away, there’s not a lot of places for him to look. How much are you willing to bet he’d look for us after school?”

He paused, catching his breath. I know he would have continued if my brother hadn’t put a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

“I made a promise to your mom that I wouldn’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice low but furious, “and I don’t want to break that promise to her. In order to do that, you need to fucking man up and take some responsibility.” He leveled a steady gaze at everyone present and whirled around. “I’m going home.” He started for the door but stopped at the doorway. “Get better, Ryo.” He shook his head and left.

I was at a complete loss for words as I looked at Noriko and Yumi. At least, I couldn’t think of anything that could clear the air between the three of us.

Noriko shook her head slowly. “I’m...I’m sorry, Ryo.” She turned and stepped out of my hospital room, Yumi wordlessly putting an arm over her shoulders. She stopped Noriko at the doorway and turned towards my mother.

“We’re sorry, Mrs. Tachikawa,” she said softly as Noriko’s shoulders shook in a silent sob. Satoshi closed the door slowly and turned to me.

[I have to hand it to you, Ryo,] he signed, [when you screw something up, you screw it up big time.]

I gave my brother a simple sign that easily conveyed my frustration.

“Both of you, that’s enough!” my mother shouted. Satoshi quickly lowered his head.

[Sorry,] he signed.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Ryo, I know, I know, that this isn’t an easy time for you, for any of us. I know we haven’t talked much since I left your father, and I can see why. Still, I’m your mother. You should have said something.”

“Like I said, Mom, I was scared,” I replied, signing as I talked. “And like I said to Kensuke, I thought I could hold out until the end of the year.”

“Ryo, were you serious about transferring?” At my nod, she continued. “Where could you have gone if you came to live with me or your brother?”

I shook my head and shrugged. “There’s got to be a couple of schools close to where you live,” I said, sounding more helpless that I wanted. I put my head in my hands, defeat washing over me. “I really fucked up, didn’t I, Mom?”

I felt arms around my shoulders, and in that moment I just couldn’t hold it in any more. Powerful sobs shook my entire body as I cried into my mother’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Mom!” I wailed. “I didn’t mean for this to happen! No one was supposed to know!”

I felt her hand on the back of my head as I heard her voice gently shush me. “Ryo, it’s not your fault.”

“It is!” I argued feebly. “It is my fault! If I remembered to charge my phone I wouldn’t be here!” I sniffled loudly. “Noriko shouldn’t have heard--”

I felt her shake her head. “Shh, shh.” She moved away just far enough to put hold my shoulders. “Ryo, listen to me.”

I wiped my good eye and nodded weakly.

“The only one who is at fault is your father,” she said sadly, “though I'm to shoulder some of the blame, too. I’m your mother; I should have known and protected you.”

A hand reached down and tapped my mother’s shoulder, and we both realized that Satoshi was watching with a sad and confused expression.

[What was he saying, Mom?]

[Oh, I’m sorry, Satoshi,] she signed. She spent a couple of minutes relaying to him what he missed out on. After she finished, Satoshi looked at me with a resigned face.

[Ryo, are you still thinking of transferring to another school for your last year?]

I shrugged. [It seems like the only thing I can do now. I’ve really messed things up for everyone.] I took a breath. [I’ll do what Kensuke told me I should. I owe the three of them that much. After exams are over, I’ll look into other schools.]

[You might not need to,] Satoshi signed. He pulled a brochure out of the inner pocket of his jacket and tossed it onto my lap. I picked it up and looked at the picture of the building on the front of the pamphlet. I vaguely remember seeing the building once before, when my parents and I brought my brother there for what would be his high school years.

Yamaku Academy.

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Last edited by Omicronus on Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:55 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (6/10)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jun 11, 2015 9:15 am

“The only one who is at fault is your father,” she said sadly, “as well as my own.
What does his grandfather have to do with it? :D
[I have to hand it to you, Ryo,] he signed, [when you screw something up, you screw it up big time.]
Hmm... I admit not asking anyone for help was quite stupid, but I think Kensuke's rant was almost completely unjustified.

The only thing Ryou did was ask them not to tell anyone, and while that may not have been the most considerate thing to do, it is no justification for the chewing out Kensuke started in response. After all it is no more than his mother asked of them before him, and they didn't seem to be angry at her.
The whole tirade is basically because Ryou is holding on to some understandable but unrealistic hope to keep the source of his injuries secret. The normal way to react among friends would be to point out why the hope is unrealistic and maybe get angry if the other party keeps to insist.

Another thing that is quite far-fetched is that his father might have gone after his friends after he moved out. His father didn't even know about the girls until the phone call, and it's doubtful he would go after random classmates in a drunken stupor.

And since I don't seem to have commented in this thread yet, let me just join the chorus that the writing is quite good.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Gajzla
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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (6/10)

Post by Gajzla » Thu Jun 11, 2015 11:17 am

Well, his friends are dicks. Look, we know you lost an eye and have been living in a abusive household for god knows how long, but what you might not be considering is how that makes us feel. They have no perspective, it’s almost like they want him to apologise for not being quiet while he was savagely beaten. Or Kensuke’s well not telling people at once this tasty gossip about what might be the worse moment in your life is really dragging me down man, get it together.

The sad thing is I don’t believe these characters are unrealistic, horrible certainly, but not unbelievable.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Another thing that is quite far-fetched is that his father might have gone after his friends after he moved out. His father didn't even know about the girls until the phone call, and it's doubtful he would go after random classmates in a drunken stupor.
I have to disagree here, being afraid of something has very little to do with the likelihood if of said something happening. He wants to protect his friends and family, though i’m not sure in my eyes either have earned his sacrifice yet.

As I said before this is really well written, as you can tell by my reaction to the characters. Some parts felt a little repeated from chapter 2 but that could just be my imagination.

Looking forward to more. :D

Omicronus
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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (6/10)

Post by Omicronus » Thu Jun 11, 2015 11:20 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
“The only one who is at fault is your father,” she said sadly, “as well as my own.
What does his grandfather have to do with it? :D
I re-read that line three times when I was editing the chapter before I put it up, and I thought there was nothing wrong with it. I actually have to thank you for pointing it out. :D
Mirage_GSM wrote:
[I have to hand it to you, Ryo,] he signed, [when you screw something up, you screw it up big time.]
Hmm... I admit not asking anyone for help was quite stupid, but I think Kensuke's rant was almost completely unjustified.

The only thing Ryou did was ask them not to tell anyone, and while that may not have been the most considerate thing to do, it is no justification for the chewing out Kensuke started in response. After all it is no more than his mother asked of them before him, and they didn't seem to be angry at her.
The whole tirade is basically because Ryou is holding on to some understandable but unrealistic hope to keep the source of his injuries secret. The normal way to react among friends would be to point out why the hope is unrealistic and maybe get angry if the other party keeps to insist.

Another thing that is quite far-fetched is that his father might have gone after his friends after he moved out. His father didn't even know about the girls until the phone call, and it's doubtful he would go after random classmates in a drunken stupor.

And since I don't seem to have commented in this thread yet, let me just join the chorus that the writing is quite good.
I recall doing a tiny bit of looking-into on the matter of domestic abuse in Japan, and oftentimes it's treated as a private family matter, which is why Ryou's mother requested it, and they agreed out of (grudging) respect for her as his parent.

Kensuke's rant comes partly out of frustration because Ryou's mom asked. Ken wants to rant at Ryou's mom, but I've yet to see, even in real life, Teenager B ranting at Teenager A's mother. His anger and frustration is vented at Ryou, but, with her being in the room, he's getting his point across to her as well.

Ryou also mentions that Kensuke is the most outspoken of the four of them, and that he was surprised that Ken didn't blast at him the night before. Ken's had the school day to stew in his frustration, and keeping the reason for Ryou's absence secret to their classmates didn't help his temper any. He's also looking out for Noriko, who, as he has so explicitly pointed out, heard everything and is still traumatised, for lack of a better term, by it.

Lurking the forums for as long as I have, I'll admit I was actually awaiting a response from you once I put this thread up. I feel honoured that you dropped by my little corner of the forums and gave your input.
Gajzla wrote:The sad thing is I don’t believe these characters are unrealistic, horrible certainly, but not unbelievable.
When something like this hits the fan, no one is exactly thinking straight, like, your worldview is shattered a little. I actually wasn't trying to make them out to be as horrible as you made them out to be. Suddenly finding out a friend is the victim of domestic abuse isn't an easy thing to shoulder and they don't exactly know how to process the information, let alone address the new elephant in the room. In Noriko's case, actually hearing a friend being beaten and hearing them scream for help over the phone...No one should be put in that position.

Yes, some parts do feel a little repeated from Chapter 2, but keep in mind the doctor cut things off before it got as heated as it did in Chapter 3.

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Gajzla
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Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (6/10)

Post by Gajzla » Thu Jun 11, 2015 12:03 pm

Omicronus wrote:When something like this hits the fan, no one is exactly thinking straight, like, your worldview is shattered a little. I actually wasn't trying to make them out to be as horrible as you made them out to be. Suddenly finding out a friend is the victim of domestic abuse isn't an easy thing to shoulder and they don't exactly know how to process the information, let alone address the new elephant in the room. In Noriko's case, actually hearing a friend being beaten and hearing them scream for help over the phone...No one should be put in that position.
I think the thing to remember is though you’ve got these characters worked out in your head (Or on paper if your not a awful slacker like me). It can be tempting to imagine thats how everyone one else sees them, but all I have to go on is the evidence provided. It also comes down to personal views on what is acceptable behaviour, like Norikos hearing the beating is disturbing I agree. But to me losing an eye is worse and trying to place the two things on a par is insulting.

The fact that you made your main character so sympathetic that I feel a need to defend him, is a mark that you have done something right in my view. :D :D

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