Rin's Dream

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Observer
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Rin's Dream

Post by Observer » Sun Apr 12, 2015 5:37 pm

This is the first fan fiction I wrote and upload, in fact it's the first story I have ever finished writing. I'm a bit shy, but I can't improve if I don't share my ideas with the world, so I welcome constructive criticism.

Rin's dream

My emerald green eyes start to wander around my surroundings. My eyes are always wandering around, they never can stay in one spot for to long. Someone once told me it’s my attention to detail that makes me do it, if they say so.

This place I'm in isn't real, I think. I don’t know. What is real anyway, I'm never sure. I don’t know where I am though, I usually do most of the time.

I find that I’m standing on water, maybe a lake. Can you stand on water? The water falls off at the end of a huge gap on all sides of the Island, it’s like a reverse island. There is no way to leave. I’m stuck here on this reverse island.

The worry tree stands in the middle of the water with my art hanging under the tree’s branches and more art supplies under the trees chest nut brown oak. Is it an oak tree? all I've ever need it, was my art, I think so anyway.

The crystal clear blue sky hangs above me. Or it might be is it the ocean, seeing as fish are flying. Do fish fly? I like the sky. Sometimes I wish I was a cloud, so that way when it rained I could touch people. I try with art, but people never seem to understand me.

Looking back down, to my feet, I see the reflection of my face staring back at me. Maybe I’m the reflection. The small redhead girl staring back at me with her murky green eyes. She looks like me, but it’s not me. She will never be me, but will I ever be me?

“Hello.” The reflection says to me, all of a sudden. It sounds like me or do I sound like her?

“Hello.” I say back to my reflection, or is it a different me that’s talking to me. “Are you me?”

“Yes, I’m you and you’re me. but do you know who are you?” I shrug at that, “Why can’t you be honest with yourself?” I shrug again, “Why are you lonely?” I couldn't answer that, so I just shrug. I don’t even think the me in the water would understand me. I don’t understand myself sometimes. As if she was reading my mind,“Then is there anyone who could?”

"I don't know, The only things that seem to understand me is my art and this tree, or they were. The art used to be my friend, but now that is changing. Everything is changing and I don’t like it."

“Why do you hate change?” The me in the water asks.

“What if I change into something I don’t like. It's like I'm walking down a path with no light, and I get lost so easily, and it so dark, and I don’t know where I will end up."

"Don't you have a light."

I shrug. “I don’t know. Why do you ask questions? Is there a word for me asking why you ask questions?"

“Irony, that is the word you are looking for. As to why I ask questions, it is because that is what I must do.”

"I don’t understand. I never do. Why is it that everyone has to be so confusing? Why can’t they just say things in an easy to understand way?"

“Why can’t you?” She says back to me. I hate this, I don’t like how she see inside of me. She reads my mind again, “Isn't that what you want it?”

"I want to leave." looking around all I see is that there is no way to escape. I’m stuck here on this reverse island with the worry tree, my reflection, and my art.

"Do you like art Rin?"

"I don't know. It's just. I. I Don't know."

We sit in silence until she says. “What about them? Do you know those people over on the other side of gap?”

Turning around I see who she is talking about. My family, I haven’t seen them in months. “Mom, dad, Sis. It’s me Rin.” I call out. They don’t hear me, they never have. No one ever does.

I scream with all my might, but they don't even try to listen. After all, they can’t hear me from this distance. When I was younger I tried to reach them with my words, but the words don’t convey what I want. Words never feel right. So I then tried with paintings. They never saw my paintings for what they were though.

They would say things about my art like, “good job Rin, you’re getting so good at painting, but you need to think seriously about life. You can’t live in a fantasy world forever. Rin the sky is not the ocean. Rin you have to stop letting your work consume you.” They never understood where I was coming form. They were kind but they were also so distant, not just metaphorically.

It’s like my family wore masks, not the cute kind, the scary kind, like a rubber ducky mask. I don’t like rubber ducks, they have such soulless eyes, like a doll or like the me in the water. I don’t like masks ether they make it hard to understand someone.

They eventually move on and go their own way. Good for them. “Is it really good? Are you not sad? They left you, they didn't even try.” I shrug, and she sighs.

A few minutes pass and some more people come by on the other side of the gap, but I can’t make out there faces. They seem so foreign to me, they have the shape of something not human, but they are human, maybe. What makes a human a human?

I call out, if anything out of desperation, but none of them stop. None of them try hear me. It hurts less than it did with my parents, but it still hurts all the same. I decided to show them something I draw, maybe it will get their attention. They look over at the bright colors of the painting, captured by it beauty, but not for what it is.

“It’s human nature, after all, to see what they want to see.” She doesn’t sound like me anymore, but at the same time she still does.

“Why?” I ask

“Because it is.” I don’t like that answer, I Don’t like how she can see inside me, I don't like anything that has happened to me lately.

“I don’t like that.”

“Why? It would hurt less if you didn’t pay attention to the small stuff.” I shrug ending our conversation.

At some point I see some familiar face start to appear from the crowd. The First of many being Emi. Her twin tails flying in the wind. Her prosthetic feet banging against the ground as she runs by on the opposite side of the gap. Looking at her makes me think I can never catch up to her.

“Is Emi your friend?” The reflection ask me

“I don't know, probably. Emi is kind, but kind like a puppy dog. She’ll Play with you, and help you out when you hurt. But she can’t understand a cat. She likes kibble and running. I like to sleeping in, and paint.”

"That doesn't answer my question." I shrug, as it is the only answer I can give.

Emi looks over at me smiles and waves with her usual happiness. I try to call out, but all I get is a confused look, and then a trademark Emi simile. She always gives me that look and simile when she can’t understand what I’m talking about. It so. What is the word for this? “Condescending? Patronizing?” the me in the water responds as if reading my mind.

“No Emi isn't like that. Emi is kind”

“She is kind you're right, but her kindness can be misguide.” I hate this me. I hate how she can see inside me. I hate how see so mean, and most of all I hate how she is me. "She's kinda like Just like Nomiya."

Nomiya is the next to come by. His colorful clothes remind me of pink elephant. “I don’t want to see him. I thought I could trust him, and he yelled at me. I thought he was kind, and want the best for me. All he cared for was himself, he only cared for my art not me.” He’s gone before I could even say anything to him. Good, I don't want to see him, anytime soon.

"Do you hate him?"

"No, I don't think I could hate anyone."

“Are you sure?” I shake my head.

"I just wish I knew what was right and wrong."

"Does it matter? Just do what you feel is right.”

“That just it! I never know what "right" is. I don’t know why Nomiya did what he did for me, Why Emi does what Emi does, why people can't understand my art, and most of all why can't I Understand myself?"

"Isn't that obvious though? Hisao already told us no one can understand each other. is that a bad thing? Speaking of Hisao, Isn't that him over there?"

I Look back to the gap where Hisao stands with his chestnut brown hair. He’s not fake smiling or wearing a mask like the others. He’s just Hisao. I feel a bit less, what ever it is I'm feeling, when he is around that feeling is replaced with soup.

“Hisao.” I yell over to him. I don’t know why I do it. I know it useless, but I still try. He looks up over to me and similes. not a fake simile, this one makes me feel warm. but that warmth hurts. I don’t know why it hurts.

At first I think he going to go away like the others, but instead he runs towards the gap. For a moment I have this strange feeling growing in my stomach. It’s like butterflies, but not the kind where you feel sick and throw up on stage. The kind where you want to jump up and down.

He jumps the gap and for a moment I think he can make it. Even if no one else could. I thought He could, like the one chosen hero in a fairy tale. Those thoughts pass as he falls to sky in the gap, he was so close and yet so far. Yet I couldn't save him, I couldn't grab him. I can never reach anyone

“Please don’t give up. I need you. Hisao.” I say in whisper so low that the me in the water or the worry tree wouldn't be able to hear me.

He tries to jump the gap again, but to no avail. He keeps trying time and time again. "Doesn't he realize it’s pointless?" She is right, Hisao should have given up by now, like everyone else, but he keeps trying. He falls multiple times into the gap, but he keeps trying. It gives me this warm feeling in my chest. Why? I thought his heart condition wasn't contagious.

Eventually he stops trying to jump the gap, and starts to try other things, like building a bridge, a flying contraption, and riding the flying jelly fish. At one point I shoot him down, with a blow gun. “Why did you do that? I thought you want him.”

“I don’t know why I did it. I want him to see me for me, but at the same time I’m scared of what he might see. What if I show myself, and he thinks I’m some one eyed monster, with tentacles. I can’t let him see me, but I want him to. Would he understand if I did?”

“We’ll never know if you don’t give him a chance.”

“It’s hard sometimes when he’s around. He brings the sun with him, but I can’t see the sun. I want to see the sun, but I’m like a vampire. I want to see the sun. I yearn for it, but I can’t see it. So I stay in my castle, with my art. Do vampires have reflections?"

"Is the sun that bad though?"

“I don’t know. I like the warmth, but it is like a moth to a flame. is the the right saying?”

“It’s only that way if you look at it that way. It could be like a flower and a sun. It is just a matter of perspective.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“We’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“But, I'm so afraid of the sun."

"Was it not you who want a light on the dark path you walk? Hisao can be that light."

"I did but."

She cuts me off, “Do you love him?”

"I think I do. I just don't know what love is. I never felt this way, what if it just the flu? I feel like telling him sometimes, but the right words never come out. I don't like words." I feel like crying, but before I can I feel the warmth of a hug on my back. Hisao! How did he get here? No, he still not here. He still on his side of the gap, but the gap, it’s gotten smaller.

“Rin you are you. Even if it is impossible to understand each other doesn’t mean we can’t try. Even if we fail we still have each other, Rin." He extends a hand to me. not to be rude, but as a sign of hope. "Let’s go home Rin.” He smiles at me as he says that and it makes all the darkness melt away."

He’s like the reddish orange sun, and I’m the moon. We may never really touch but at some point we will align just right. I don’t know when Hisao became who he is to me, but I think I love Hisao. I think I can become a flower to Hisao's sun.

Is this what love is like? Having someone, no matter how hard it gets, try to understand me. Even if he fails. I think I could feel ok with the fact. That me and Hisao my never truly understand one another, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try to understand as much as we can. Even if we can’t succeed. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

The world starts to fades as I open my eyes to the real worry tree. There is no water, gap, or Reverse Island. So I must have fallen asleep. Is it called sleep because you dream of sheep? I didn't dream of sheep this time though. This time it was about Hisao and other things. I used to be able to think of four different things, or maybe it was five. Now all four thoughts are assumed by him, is that the right word. Why is it that all I seem to think about is Hisao? Hisao. Hisao I need to see him, I have to tell him something.
Last edited by Observer on Mon Jun 08, 2015 4:48 am, edited 4 times in total.

User avatar
Gajzla
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Gajzla » Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:02 pm

Well that was surreal, but in a good way. I liked it.

I think there might be a few spelling mistakes, but I’m not really the one to ask about those. Otherwise good job =D

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Fardels
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Fardels » Sun Apr 12, 2015 10:46 pm

I agree with Gajzla. Yes, there are some spelling and grammar mistakes, but one last copyedit before you post will fix that, or maybe have somebody else look at it. It's no big deal. And I liked the surreal quality.

You looked inside of Rin's mind, and in a dream, no less. I've tried to look inside Rin a few times and haven't had much luck. I can't begin to think what her dreams are like. You deserve a lot of credit for just trying. From what I can tell, you succeeded pretty well too. Nicely done.

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Alpacalypse » Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:57 am

Nice work, here :)
Given that I have absolutely no f***ing clue what goes on in Rin's head, I can't really criticise your portrayal of her thought processes, so I'll just say that I liked it.
*tips hat* You write pretty well. Continue to do so :wink:
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
---
I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Apr 13, 2015 1:11 pm

I deiced to show them something I draw, maybe it will get there attention .
"decided" and "their"
“Because it is.” I don’t like that answer, I Don’t like how
Last part of the sentence is missing.
Her twin tales flying in the wind.
"tails"
Besides that there are a few words missing their endings and a few randomly capitalized verbs, but the story was really good! Captures both Rin and the feeling of dreaming really well.
Hope to see more of you in the future.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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nemz
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by nemz » Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:44 pm

Not bad for a first attempt. A little cliche maybe at times, a few mistakes, but a decent start.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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300BillionDegrees
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by 300BillionDegrees » Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:43 pm

What the others have said. I liked it. Liked the perspective and imagery. Pretty great for a first effort I think!

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Observer
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Observer » Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:04 pm

my grammar was never my strong suite, but I'm welling to improve, and I appreciate the criticism. Also the one's Mirage has pointed out have been fixed.

As a side note when I was writing Another fan fiction with Rin in it I wasn't sure if I was capturing Rin well or if I was just forcing Rinisme into it, so i'm glad I did the character alright. All in all I'm glad it was a good first attempt, I was afraid it would be horrible first attempted.

Identity Crisis
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Re: Rin's Dream

Post by Identity Crisis » Sun May 10, 2015 6:36 am

I liked this. Rin in a nutshell.

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