Shopping Trip

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Req
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Shopping Trip

Post by Req » Sun Apr 12, 2015 11:23 am

I have no idea if this story has been done before. It's just an idea that popped in my head a day or two ago. Takes place prior to Hisao transferring in.

"A-Are you sure you can't come?"
The question is Hanako's last attempt at selfishness. She knows perfectly well Lilly is in no state to even get dressed, let alone accompany her like some mother goose. Poor Lilly. She looks flushed, her black satin pajamas clinging to her milky skin. The sight fills Hanako with an odd mixture of emotions. On the one hand she is naturally concerned for her friend. On the other she feels oddly proud for being the only one who gets to see these moments of weakness that Lilly hides so well from others. Immediately she pushes that pride away. It has no place here.

"I am sorry, Hanako. I'm afraid I am simply not up to it quite yet. I'm sure you can do it on your own."
Lilly reaches out for Hanako, who complies and leans in so the girl's delicate fingers brush softly against her unscarred cheek. "You are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for, you know."

Hanako smiles, comforted more by her friend's touch than her words. That settles it, then. Sometimes it's better to try to stop thinking and just do it. She cups Lilly's hand and gently places it back on the bed as she rises to her feet, her thumb grazing the back of her patient's hand.
"D-Do you want anything?"

Lilly offers a demure smile, her unseeing gaze resting on Hanako's face, not quite meeting her eyes. Hanako has grown used to it over the years, but sometimes it still feels like those eyes are capable of seeing right through her. It still scares her a little.
"I think some fruit would serve me. Would you mind picking some up for me?"

"O-Okay. I'll be back soon."

"Thank you, dear."

With an unwanted smile curling her lips Hanako leaves her friend's room, gently closing the door behind her and darting into her own room to fetch her shopping bag. Her shield for the trip. Without incident she makes it outside where she notices the sun has begun to set. This is all part of her plan, of course. Many of the students will go to town right after class, then spend their evenings on campus. By waiting a few hours Hanako gets to avoid that afternoon rush. With any luck she won't have to bump into anyone all the way down to the store.

Unfortunately she isn't that lucky. On the way down she spots a group of students coming back up. She recognizes some from her class, but not the others; the worst kind of scenario. Maybe they're all part of some club that she hasn't heard of and isn't supposed to know about.

Oh god, maybe they're going to talk to me. That girl in front, is that Miura? Those bandages on her wrist give it away, sure enough. I wish I could just bandage up the parts of me I don't want others to see. I don't care if I'd look like a mummy, at least everyone would see a mummy and not me. Just stay calm. They probably won't even notice me if I just stay calm and act naturally. How do I walk naturally? Left foot right foot left foot right foot. Oh no I must look like I've only just learned to walk.
Here they come. Please don't talk to me please don't talk to me don'ttalkdon'ttalkdon'ttalk.


The group passes her by, laughing and talking about some tv-show. They didn't even seem to know she was there. She feels relieved, but can't help turning her head to watch them walking up that road.

I wish I belonged in a group like that.

The wind blows through her hair and forces Hanako to get out of her head and brush her bangs back in place. She continues walking downhill. The trip must be so much easier if Yamaku and the store somehow switched places. Then she could carry the groceries downhill.

By the time Hanako reaches the store, the sun has well and truly begun to set, peeking over the mountains and casting long shadows . The windows of the store are plastered with specials for today, but between them Hanako can see the store is in one of its lulls, allowing the one cashier to read a magazine. Perfect, this is the best she can hope for.

The doors open automatically and prompt a similarly automatic response from the clerk. He doesn't look up from his magazine, so Hanako permits herself to breathe a sigh of relief as she picks up a basket for her shopping. The most important thing is fruit for Lilly, but that can wait for now.

Last week she experimented with curry. It hadn't gone as well as it could have, but the result had been edible at least. Hanako is curious to see if she can improve on her execution of the dish. She picks out some cauliflower and potatoes, peppers and chicken, along with some spices and curry paste. Everything she thinks will make for a hearty curry. Maybe it will help Lilly recover, too.

At the fruit section she picks out only the best oranges, a basket of strawberries and a mango. She also picks up some yogurt and cream from the coolers in the dairy aisle and some eggs. By now her basket is starting to fill up nicely and, keeping in mind that she has to carry it all back by herself, decides on a pack of cookies to round out her shopping.

Heaving the basket with both hands, she makes her way to the lone clerk just as the doors open.

Don't look.

Hanako looks and sees the old couple that just came into the store. The husband shuffles quietly toward the first aisle, but the elderly woman and Hanako make eye contact. Hanako quickly focuses on her basket instead.

Why did I look? Please don't come over here. I'll go soon so please don't come over here. Why did I have to pick the cookies last? She must think I'm only here to get snacks but even if that was true that's fine, I shouldn't be judged for that I don't think.

The woman follows her husband and Hanako quickly unloads her basket for the clerk to scan.
With a sigh the clerk complies, folding up his magazine and putting it away under the counter. The scanner beeps almost rhythmically as one product after another is scanned. Hanako busies herself with the modest selection of magazines to her left, until the beeping stops. She glances over at the basket and notices it isn't empty yet. The clerk is staring at her.

Please stop staring at me. Please. I just want to buy this food. Please just take my money. Please.

The clerk opens his mouth and Hanako winces. The clerk quickly continues scanning the last couple things, then mumbles the price.

"W-What?"

The clerk points at the display on his register.

Oh. I'm stupid.

Hanako quickly produces her wallet and pays for the shopping, before opening up her shopping shield to pack away her things. Behind her a woman coughs. Hanako looks over her shoulder, her eyes once again meeting the old lady's. She winces, but pretends it didn't happen.

I have to go. I have to go I havetogoIhavetogoIhavetogo.

She almost throws the groceries into her bag, paying little attention to keeping delicate items from getting smooshed inside. It takes all self control for her not to sprint out of the store.

The doors open automatically, but the clerk doesn't automatically invite her to come again. Hanako doesn't wait. She marches toward the mountain road as the streetlights flicker to life.
She can't help walking a little faster whenever she passes through the spotlights. She doesn't need that light. Doesn't need to be seen.

She needs Lilly.

In the dorm kitchen Hanako hurriedly cuts up a few of the strawberries into quarters that she puts in a bowl along with the yogurt and a teaspoon of sugar. She also peels an orange and puts the orange and bowl on a plate to take to Lilly. The curry can wait.

Hanako knocks before entering the room again.

"You needn't knock. I've told you that before, haven't I?"

"S-Sorry."

Lilly sniffs as Hanako approaches her bed and sits up expectantly.

"I take it you managed just fine on your own?"

Hanako gently puts the plate on the nightstand and places the peeled orange in Lilly's hands. Immediately those slender hands begin pulling the orange into segments, offering one to Hanako before indulging herself.

"I m-made you some yogurt. With fruit. I-I thought you might like it."

"You're so thoughtful. I truly am lucky to have you as a friend."

Hanako smiles, feeling her cheeks begin to flush.

You're the only one who gets to see that side of me.

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:03 pm

That's sweet :D . I like it.

One thing I would mention is that the VN stated that the clerk in town took little notice of Hanako's scarring, most likely due to the frequency that they saw things like scars and amputees. Was that taken into account, or not considered?
Sorry about the pedantic-ism.
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
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Gajzla
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Gajzla » Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:22 pm

I really liked this, it was cute.
Alpacalypse wrote:That's sweet :D . I like it.

One thing I would mention is that the VN stated that the clerk in town took little notice of Hanako's scarring, most likely due to the frequency that they saw things like scars and amputees. Was that taken into account, or not considered?
Sorry about the pedantic-ism.
Well it can be assumed a super market has more than one clerk, but even so I think this could be a reflection of how Hanako reacts to even a brief glance, like she reads more into the situation than is really going on. Just my opinion.

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:31 pm

Gajzla wrote:Well it can be assumed a super market has more than one clerk
http://www.indiedb.com/members/tjarek12 ... l-facepalm
I really don't think much about this stuff :lol:
Last edited by Alpacalypse on Sun Apr 12, 2015 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
---
I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
---
I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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Req
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Req » Sun Apr 12, 2015 1:16 pm

Thanks guys.

I could be a smartass and say that because this takes place prior to Hisao transferring into Yamaku, the clerk in question could be new and not yet used to seeing a teen with such facial scarring, but have gotten used to it by the time Hisao enrolls.
I could also say that indeed this might very well be a different clerk from the one in the route.

Instead, I'll be honest and didn't pay special attention to that. I also decided to leave it open if the clerk is staring because he sees her scars, or because he sees her other half, so to speak.

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brythain
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by brythain » Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:25 pm

Req wrote:I also decided to leave it open if the clerk is staring because he sees her scars, or because he sees her other half, so to speak.
Perhaps he was thinking, "Ohmygodsthatissuchaprettygirlahahigottagodosomethingshitihavetostayhereandpurchaseupherrackimeanrackupherpurchases..."
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Req
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Req » Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:32 pm

indeed, perhaps he was her soulmate and now they are doomed to walk this earth alone.

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brythain
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by brythain » Sun Apr 12, 2015 9:48 pm

Req wrote:indeed, perhaps he was her soulmate and now they are doomed to walk this earth alone.
And thus is another great Hanako fanfic (still)born...
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Apr 13, 2015 1:26 pm

"Thank you, dear."
Does Lilly really call Hanako "dear" at any point?
brythain wrote:
Req wrote:indeed, perhaps he was her soulmate and now they are doomed to walk this earth alone.
And thus is another great Hanako fanfic (still)born...
Well, maybe Lilly's illness will last a few days and she'll have to go back... He might still get his chance with her rack purchases... :wink:
I have no idea if this story has been done before. It's just an idea that popped in my head a day or two ago.
I remember one story where Hanako dares herself to visit the city alone. This one is quite different, though.

Stylistically the story is a bit… unusual.
You're using present tense together with third person omniscient narrative AND you're having internal monologue for Hanako. Personally I don't think those - especially the latter two - mix very well, but that's just my personal preference.

All said it was a nice story and a believable view into Hanako's head.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Req
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Req » Mon Apr 13, 2015 1:44 pm

if I'd taken more time to write it out I might've used a different way of conveying Hanako's thoughts.
as it is, this was the simplest way to separate her thoughts from the narrative, which I deliberately kept third person in order to avoid falling into scriptwriting habits. in hindsight, perhaps I didn't manage to avoid all of those.

it's not a particularly eventful story, I just had an idea of one of the girls doing something mundane and of the bunch Hanako was the obvious pick.
all quirks aside, glad you enjoyed it.

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Oddball
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Re: Shopping Trip

Post by Oddball » Wed May 20, 2015 8:46 am

it's not a particularly eventful story, I just had an idea of one of the girls doing something mundane and of the bunch Hanako was the obvious pick.
all quirks aside, glad you enjoyed it.
Often the mundane stories where we get to see how people handle the little things are some of my favorites.
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