Hello, community, my name is Blank, and I procrastinate. Such is the life of a fan fiction author, there's no lack of evidence to support that claim, but the first step is admitting I have a problem. Step two is probably fixing it, or something, I'm not sure since no one ever really moves past the admittance phase. But that's beside the point.
I'll keep it brief: I liked Shizune's route, because it breaks with a lot of convention as far as VNs are concerned. The world doesn't revolve around Hisao; many of the most important details of Shizune's early stay at Yamaku are only alluded to or briefly summarized. And somehow, all these years later, no one has ever gotten around to telling that story.
Well, let me fix that.
Index
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Chapter 1: "Tutorial"
Scouting is key to victory.
Chapter 2: "Blitz"
Offense is the best defense.
Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
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Blank Mage
- Posts: 306
- Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:29 am
- Location: My own personal hell, with a metered internet connection.
Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Last edited by Blank Mage on Tue Mar 24, 2015 7:29 am, edited 4 times in total.
And we're back.
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-
Blank Mage
- Posts: 306
- Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:29 am
- Location: My own personal hell, with a metered internet connection.
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Chapter 1: Tutorial
------------
The driver of the taxi doesn't ask any questions when I hand him the note explaining my circumstances, but judging from his expression, he's doesn't exactly care, either. That's fine by me. It saves us both considerable time and effort, and as long as he can get me to my destination, we don’t need a dialogue.
Besides, I wouldn't want him texting and driving.
The trip passes in what I can only assume to be silence, so I busy myself reviewing the schedule I've jotted down on my notepad. It isn't much of a schedule, I’ll admit, but given my lack of enthusiasm, that was probably to be expected. If all goes as planned, I’ll spend two hours touring the premises, swapping notes with the staff, eating lunch, and scouting ideal spots to begin tunneling my way to freedom.
I can smuggle a spoon out of the cafeteria, maybe start a fake club to cover my tracks. Build a gazebo over the tunnel entrance, with a trap door installed. Start a rumor the gazebo is haunted to keep people away. Then the noise from the digging adds credence to the haunting, and by the time they sort it all out I’ll be somewhere respectable earning a legitimate degree. Anything would be better than this terrible joke of a school.
My earlier indignation comes flooding back.
No, calling it a school is giving it too much credit. It’s going to be a hospital with textbooks. A warehouse where they can stuff the defects, in the middle of nowhere. Out of sight, out of mind. Why else would they put me here? I don’t need medical attention. I’m not dying. I’m here because my jerk of a father doesn't want to put up with me, and he’s rich enough that he doesn't have to. I could live a normal life if they’d just learn some basic goddamn sign language. But apparently that’s asking for too much, because here I am, stuck in an escalator school that hands special kids diplomas while ensuring they live long enough to get them. How’s that going to look on my resume? “Shizune Hakamichi, Invalidictorian”? Pathetic.
And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. The idea of a deaf-mute attending a normal school is too outrageous to be considered, apparently, and so my options boil down to exactly one: Yamaku High. Or as I've already nicknamed it, ‘The Rug’.
See you in three years, Dad, good luck with Hideaki! You may yet have an heir, if you can get him to stop wearing ribbons and stockings.
------------
My mood hasn't particularly improved by the time the car rolls to a stop. Reading the bill displayed over the driver’s shoulder, I dole out an appropriate amount of money, giving a curt wave in place of another written message as I depart. I’m glad to see him leave without further prompting. Some people just aren't happy until they find a napkin to write pleasantries on. Stepping onto the walkway, I stop to adjust my glasses and observe the school in all its panoramic glory.
This is the school you’re attending. This is your new home.
I repeat it a few times, but there’s no weight behind them. The motor is spinning, but the clutch is in. I sigh—at least I have that down, if nothing else—and begin the short, uphill walk to the gates. Impressive gates, I’ll admit, mounted in an equally impressive wall. I wonder why this school needs fortifications. I can only assume Yamaku occasionally raids nearby towns for limbs and organs. Maybe I can lead a battalion if I play my cards right.
The gate is open, and I pass through unimpeded. Must be a cease-fire in effect. Or maybe they only open if there’s something wrong with you.
The school looks… like a school. More like a college, maybe? Brick walls, open courtyards, expansive buildings. If I didn't know any better, I would say I was in Tokyo University. But I do, and it’s not. The layout of the premises isn't exactly intuitive, but I don’t mind wandering the wide, empty halls, peering into dark classrooms. There’s something pleasantly unnerving about public facilities after hours. Modern equipment contrasts the rustic exterior. I suppose those tuition fees had to go somewhere. What’s more striking is the space between desks, the banisters in the hallways, the Braille studded plaques. I assume there’s a classroom for me in these halls, custom built to cater to my specific brand of shortcoming, waiting for my inevitable arrival like a tombstone. My hospice away from home. I find my pace quickening, suddenly eager to get the tour underway and over with.
Emerging into the central courtyard, I finally locate Building 1, unremarkable save for the plaque near the entrance. Passing through the doors, I enter a lobby filled with comfortable chairs, diffused lighting, and warm colors. The receptionist looks up from her computer and says something, but I’m too far away to even attempt lip-reading. I pull my pen and paper from the side pocket of my duffel as I approach, and open it to the first page, where I've already written a greeting and brief introduction. The receptionist looks puzzled for a moment as she scans the note, before handing it back—and breaks into sign language.
[Hello, Miss Hakamichi. Please give me a moment.]
Suddenly at a loss, my mouth hangs slightly agape. She knows sign language! I’m surprised at my own surprise. Why wasn't I expecting this? It makes sense, of course the receptionist would know sign language here, but somehow I didn't really consider it. This is, after all, the first person I've met who didn't learn sign for the express purpose of talking to me specifically. It’s… weird, somehow. Like a stranger who knows your inside jokes.
My shock only lasts for a moment, though, and I quickly respond in kind, signing awkwardly around the note in my hand. [Of course. Take your time.] I bow, and congratulate myself for salvaging the situation. While she briskly taps away at the keyboard, I crumple the note and toss it into a nearby bin. I hope no one is stalking me. I leave a detailed chat log in every trash bin I pass.
The receptionist looks up from her keyboard and resumes signing. [You’re a little early for your tour of the campus, Hakamichi. If you'd like, I can call for Sonohara. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.]
Normally I'd decline, but for now I leap at the prospect of leaving early. [Of course. I'll occupy myself until then.] I've brought ample reading material on this trip, and pull a light novel from my bag.
------------
The opening door catches my eye, and a young woman strolls through. Her name tag identifies her as the Sonohara I've yet to hear so much about. In lieu of that, I make a quick evaluation of her appearance. Mid thirties, I’d guess, well-kept pants and a shirt just slightly too formal to be called casual. She’s a bit short and underweight, long brown hair in a simple ponytail. Her posture is somewhat loose, her face expressive. With a slight frown, I estimate that Sonohara is likely a friendly, unstructured, slightly forgetful woman, more concerned with the overall lesson than the letter grade. They say never to judge a book by its cover, but I never saw the wisdom in that. Isn't that why covers exist? To convey the contents at a glance? Noticing me, the teacher begins signing, her motions natural but slightly exaggerated.
[Hello, Hakamichi. My name is Harue Sonohara, and I’ll be both your math and homeroom instructor should you choose to stay with us. A pleasure to meet you.] She bows, and I reciprocate. The routine greetings practically sign themselves.
[I’ll be in your care. I was hoping to take a look at the facilities before finalizing any decisions.] Of course, this tour is little more than an empty gesture, as I have virtually no say in the matter. My only real goal at this point is to determine how miserable I can expect to be during my stay. But they don’t need to know that.
------------
My earlier observation regarding the school supplies and equipment holds true throughout the tour: Yamaku is certainly well equipped. I'm torn between appreciating the thought that went into its construction and hating the double standard it represents, ("You're a valuable member of society! We built a school less likely to kill you!") but as the tour progresses, I'm having trouble finding things to be upset about. Although students are assigned classes based on disability, it's to ensure that each group is given the attention and care that their situation warrants without over-taxing the teachers, and it's hard to argue with solid logic. With staff approval, I can even opt for additional classes. The facilities themselves seem as normal as any I've seen, aside from the emergency phone lines that dot the walls or the defibrillators kept alongside the fire extinguishers. I'm amazed that a school designed for such a bizarre student body could afford to be so casual, and I say as much to my guide.
Sonohara only shrugs. [It makes sense when you stop to consider it. Education is important, but beyond the math, the science, the literature, schools exist to prepare you for the world. This school is no different, except the students have to learn more than the assignments. They have to learn to take care of themselves. I mean, what's the point in teaching an epileptic student physics if we don't teach them how to avoid seizures? This school works to meet them in the middle, giving them the safety net they need while they learn their limits, and eventually how to push past them. We want students to leave Yamaku with the knowledge and skills to survive in a world that won't always be designed to accommodate them.] Sonohara grimaces a bit as she rolls her wrists.
For my part, I'm a bit too stunned to respond, my cynicism completely annihilated by the new information. I feel a tad guilty for having come to my earlier conclusions about the school, and rethink it a bit.
It's not a warehouse for defects. It's a proving ground. It's a trial run for our lives after graduation. They want to see us circumvent our issues, and leave this campus as functional, independent adults. It's not about what they provide, it's what they don't. They're giving us a chance to show that we're not the helpless, pitiable wrecks the world thinks we are.
They want to see what I can do.
I grin, the maniacal grin of pure, mad ambition.
And I'm going to show them.
------------
The driver of the taxi doesn't ask any questions when I hand him the note explaining my circumstances, but judging from his expression, he's doesn't exactly care, either. That's fine by me. It saves us both considerable time and effort, and as long as he can get me to my destination, we don’t need a dialogue.
Besides, I wouldn't want him texting and driving.
The trip passes in what I can only assume to be silence, so I busy myself reviewing the schedule I've jotted down on my notepad. It isn't much of a schedule, I’ll admit, but given my lack of enthusiasm, that was probably to be expected. If all goes as planned, I’ll spend two hours touring the premises, swapping notes with the staff, eating lunch, and scouting ideal spots to begin tunneling my way to freedom.
I can smuggle a spoon out of the cafeteria, maybe start a fake club to cover my tracks. Build a gazebo over the tunnel entrance, with a trap door installed. Start a rumor the gazebo is haunted to keep people away. Then the noise from the digging adds credence to the haunting, and by the time they sort it all out I’ll be somewhere respectable earning a legitimate degree. Anything would be better than this terrible joke of a school.
My earlier indignation comes flooding back.
No, calling it a school is giving it too much credit. It’s going to be a hospital with textbooks. A warehouse where they can stuff the defects, in the middle of nowhere. Out of sight, out of mind. Why else would they put me here? I don’t need medical attention. I’m not dying. I’m here because my jerk of a father doesn't want to put up with me, and he’s rich enough that he doesn't have to. I could live a normal life if they’d just learn some basic goddamn sign language. But apparently that’s asking for too much, because here I am, stuck in an escalator school that hands special kids diplomas while ensuring they live long enough to get them. How’s that going to look on my resume? “Shizune Hakamichi, Invalidictorian”? Pathetic.
And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. The idea of a deaf-mute attending a normal school is too outrageous to be considered, apparently, and so my options boil down to exactly one: Yamaku High. Or as I've already nicknamed it, ‘The Rug’.
See you in three years, Dad, good luck with Hideaki! You may yet have an heir, if you can get him to stop wearing ribbons and stockings.
------------
My mood hasn't particularly improved by the time the car rolls to a stop. Reading the bill displayed over the driver’s shoulder, I dole out an appropriate amount of money, giving a curt wave in place of another written message as I depart. I’m glad to see him leave without further prompting. Some people just aren't happy until they find a napkin to write pleasantries on. Stepping onto the walkway, I stop to adjust my glasses and observe the school in all its panoramic glory.
This is the school you’re attending. This is your new home.
I repeat it a few times, but there’s no weight behind them. The motor is spinning, but the clutch is in. I sigh—at least I have that down, if nothing else—and begin the short, uphill walk to the gates. Impressive gates, I’ll admit, mounted in an equally impressive wall. I wonder why this school needs fortifications. I can only assume Yamaku occasionally raids nearby towns for limbs and organs. Maybe I can lead a battalion if I play my cards right.
The gate is open, and I pass through unimpeded. Must be a cease-fire in effect. Or maybe they only open if there’s something wrong with you.
The school looks… like a school. More like a college, maybe? Brick walls, open courtyards, expansive buildings. If I didn't know any better, I would say I was in Tokyo University. But I do, and it’s not. The layout of the premises isn't exactly intuitive, but I don’t mind wandering the wide, empty halls, peering into dark classrooms. There’s something pleasantly unnerving about public facilities after hours. Modern equipment contrasts the rustic exterior. I suppose those tuition fees had to go somewhere. What’s more striking is the space between desks, the banisters in the hallways, the Braille studded plaques. I assume there’s a classroom for me in these halls, custom built to cater to my specific brand of shortcoming, waiting for my inevitable arrival like a tombstone. My hospice away from home. I find my pace quickening, suddenly eager to get the tour underway and over with.
Emerging into the central courtyard, I finally locate Building 1, unremarkable save for the plaque near the entrance. Passing through the doors, I enter a lobby filled with comfortable chairs, diffused lighting, and warm colors. The receptionist looks up from her computer and says something, but I’m too far away to even attempt lip-reading. I pull my pen and paper from the side pocket of my duffel as I approach, and open it to the first page, where I've already written a greeting and brief introduction. The receptionist looks puzzled for a moment as she scans the note, before handing it back—and breaks into sign language.
[Hello, Miss Hakamichi. Please give me a moment.]
Suddenly at a loss, my mouth hangs slightly agape. She knows sign language! I’m surprised at my own surprise. Why wasn't I expecting this? It makes sense, of course the receptionist would know sign language here, but somehow I didn't really consider it. This is, after all, the first person I've met who didn't learn sign for the express purpose of talking to me specifically. It’s… weird, somehow. Like a stranger who knows your inside jokes.
My shock only lasts for a moment, though, and I quickly respond in kind, signing awkwardly around the note in my hand. [Of course. Take your time.] I bow, and congratulate myself for salvaging the situation. While she briskly taps away at the keyboard, I crumple the note and toss it into a nearby bin. I hope no one is stalking me. I leave a detailed chat log in every trash bin I pass.
The receptionist looks up from her keyboard and resumes signing. [You’re a little early for your tour of the campus, Hakamichi. If you'd like, I can call for Sonohara. I'm sure she wouldn't mind.]
Normally I'd decline, but for now I leap at the prospect of leaving early. [Of course. I'll occupy myself until then.] I've brought ample reading material on this trip, and pull a light novel from my bag.
------------
The opening door catches my eye, and a young woman strolls through. Her name tag identifies her as the Sonohara I've yet to hear so much about. In lieu of that, I make a quick evaluation of her appearance. Mid thirties, I’d guess, well-kept pants and a shirt just slightly too formal to be called casual. She’s a bit short and underweight, long brown hair in a simple ponytail. Her posture is somewhat loose, her face expressive. With a slight frown, I estimate that Sonohara is likely a friendly, unstructured, slightly forgetful woman, more concerned with the overall lesson than the letter grade. They say never to judge a book by its cover, but I never saw the wisdom in that. Isn't that why covers exist? To convey the contents at a glance? Noticing me, the teacher begins signing, her motions natural but slightly exaggerated.
[Hello, Hakamichi. My name is Harue Sonohara, and I’ll be both your math and homeroom instructor should you choose to stay with us. A pleasure to meet you.] She bows, and I reciprocate. The routine greetings practically sign themselves.
[I’ll be in your care. I was hoping to take a look at the facilities before finalizing any decisions.] Of course, this tour is little more than an empty gesture, as I have virtually no say in the matter. My only real goal at this point is to determine how miserable I can expect to be during my stay. But they don’t need to know that.
------------
My earlier observation regarding the school supplies and equipment holds true throughout the tour: Yamaku is certainly well equipped. I'm torn between appreciating the thought that went into its construction and hating the double standard it represents, ("You're a valuable member of society! We built a school less likely to kill you!") but as the tour progresses, I'm having trouble finding things to be upset about. Although students are assigned classes based on disability, it's to ensure that each group is given the attention and care that their situation warrants without over-taxing the teachers, and it's hard to argue with solid logic. With staff approval, I can even opt for additional classes. The facilities themselves seem as normal as any I've seen, aside from the emergency phone lines that dot the walls or the defibrillators kept alongside the fire extinguishers. I'm amazed that a school designed for such a bizarre student body could afford to be so casual, and I say as much to my guide.
Sonohara only shrugs. [It makes sense when you stop to consider it. Education is important, but beyond the math, the science, the literature, schools exist to prepare you for the world. This school is no different, except the students have to learn more than the assignments. They have to learn to take care of themselves. I mean, what's the point in teaching an epileptic student physics if we don't teach them how to avoid seizures? This school works to meet them in the middle, giving them the safety net they need while they learn their limits, and eventually how to push past them. We want students to leave Yamaku with the knowledge and skills to survive in a world that won't always be designed to accommodate them.] Sonohara grimaces a bit as she rolls her wrists.
For my part, I'm a bit too stunned to respond, my cynicism completely annihilated by the new information. I feel a tad guilty for having come to my earlier conclusions about the school, and rethink it a bit.
It's not a warehouse for defects. It's a proving ground. It's a trial run for our lives after graduation. They want to see us circumvent our issues, and leave this campus as functional, independent adults. It's not about what they provide, it's what they don't. They're giving us a chance to show that we're not the helpless, pitiable wrecks the world thinks we are.
They want to see what I can do.
I grin, the maniacal grin of pure, mad ambition.
And I'm going to show them.
Last edited by Blank Mage on Sun Mar 22, 2015 4:44 am, edited 5 times in total.
And we're back.
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-
AntonSlavik020
- Posts: 607
- Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
- Location: Cleveland, OH
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
I like what you have so far. Wasn't a fan of Shizune's extreme pessimism for most of the story, though it made sense. Looking forward to more.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
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Blank Mage
- Posts: 306
- Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:29 am
- Location: My own personal hell, with a metered internet connection.
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
A comment! yaaaaaaayAntonSlavik020 wrote:I like what you have so far. Wasn't a fan of Shizune's extreme pessimism for most of the story, though it made sense. Looking forward to more.
*Ahem*. Keep in mind that !prequel Shizune =/= !KS Shizune. There will be more than a few differences before she gets to where we see her in her third year. More importantly, she thinks her asshat of a father essentially exiled her to the isle of misfit toys, completely ruining any chance she had at a normal high school life. Of course she's bitter.
And we're back.
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Ooh. Delicious. I like the Shizune internal voice you've got going here, and I'm looking forward to how it transforms into the one we know and love (or not, as the case may be). 
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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Blank Mage
- Posts: 306
- Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 5:29 am
- Location: My own personal hell, with a metered internet connection.
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Objective: Get Senpais to notice me.brythain wrote:Ooh. Delicious. I like the Shizune internal voice you've got going here, and I'm looking forward to how it transforms into the one we know and love (or not, as the case may be).
Brythain [x]
Dewelar [ ]
ForgetMeNot [ ]
Leaty [ ]
Guest Poster [ ]
Seriously, though, I'm glad you like it. The quality of your epilogues intimidate me.
Last edited by Blank Mage on Fri Mar 20, 2015 11:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
And we're back.
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-----------
"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
-
HoneyBakedHam
- Posts: 339
- Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:45 pm
- Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
No Mirage in that list? Damn, that's harsh.
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Heh, I'm no senpai of yours... I only joined the forums more than two months after you! But thank you!Blank Mage wrote:Objective: Get Senpais to notice me.brythain wrote:Ooh. Delicious. I like the Shizune internal voice you've got going here, and I'm looking forward to how it transforms into the one we know and love (or not, as the case may be).
*list*
Seriously, though, I'm glad you like it. The quality of your epilogues intimidate me.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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AntonSlavik020
- Posts: 607
- Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:03 pm
- Location: Cleveland, OH
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Oh I'm aware. Like I said, it makes sense, which is why it didn't bother me too much. Its just something that I'm not personally a fan of, being an optimist myself. Just a personal taste thing.Blank Mage wrote:A comment! yaaaaaaayAntonSlavik020 wrote:I like what you have so far. Wasn't a fan of Shizune's extreme pessimism for most of the story, though it made sense. Looking forward to more.
*Ahem*. Keep in mind that !prequel Shizune =/= !KS Shizune. There will be more than a few differences before she gets to where we see her in her third year. More importantly, she thinks her asshat of a father essentially exiled her to the isle of misfit toys, completely ruining any chance she had at a normal high school life. Of course she's bitter.
Best girl
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
Hanako=Shizune>Misha>Lilly>Rin>Emi
Best route
Hanako>Lilly>Rin>Emi>Shizune
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Hmmm...that explains why you haven't been seen in the Developments thread lately...quite canny, thatBlank Mage wrote:Objective: Get Senpais to notice me.
Brythain [x]
Dewelar [x]
ForgetMeNot [ ]
Leaty [ ]
.Anyway, although I usually prefer to refrain from commenting on new stories until there's been a few chapters posted, I'd say that this is pretty good so far. There's definitely a Shizune in there. This line, though:
...tickled me on several levels. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!Shizune wrote:Her name tag identifies her as the Sonohara I've yet to hear so much about.
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6212
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Well, I didn't actually write all that much myself - at least not compared to the epics of some of the authors listed there, so I'm not sure I really should be on that list... I'm wondering about Helbereth, though...HoneyBakedHam wrote:No Mirage in that list? Damn, that's harsh.
@Blankmage:
You know I'm always a sucker for story ideas that haven't been done before, and in that regard I'm practically salivating over this one, and since it's from you I'm not really concerned about quality issues either, AND there's a good chance it will be finished, since you've delivered before, and if I were in editing mode I'd murder the hell out of this sentence for being run-on.
Definitely looking forward to this continuing.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Really liking this so far. I can’t wait for all the yummy Lilly Drama. Keep it up.
My Fanfics:
Miki: Fragments [Chapter 38] posted 3/5/16
One Shot Thread
Some free inspiration.
"-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."
Miki: Fragments [Chapter 38] posted 3/5/16
One Shot Thread
Some free inspiration.
"-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
My desk gets stuffed full of notes every week, baka.Blank Mage wrote:Objective: Get Senpais to notice me.
Leaty [ ]
Anyway, I don't usually comment on fics this early, unless I'm gleefully trying tear it down—Developments was quite a few chapters in before I started reading it, and though I latched onto the Kagami Pseudo-Route pretty early, Forgetful's OP was like six chapters long so there was a lot to analyze. (After the Dream and Tomorrow's Doom completely got the better of me, in terms of output speed vs processing speed. I'm still catching up.) I don't like to post comments on fanfics that I haven't put a lot of effort and thought into, because criticism is nutrition, and empty praise is junk food—I try to set an example, is I guess what I'm saying. There's not really any other ways to really encourage a writer. (Well, once some dude decided to translate one of my most obscure works into Russian, which was flattering, if not a little unsettling.)
I'm also not really great with prequels. My bread-and-butter is AU and Continuation Fic. I don't usually have a lot to say about straight prequels, because a lot of them have this paint-by-numbers vibe that really irks me. (Like, with Mass Effect, for example, I really don't give much of a fuck about the First Contact War. It's all in the codex; who gives a fuck?) So, given the high standard I hold myself to when I make comments on people's work, it's a lot more challenging with these sorts of stories. But! I'll try.
So, the TL;DR is that I really like this—I'd definitely keep reading this if you kept updating this, which is more than I can say for a lot of new fics on the boards right now, especially since I have so little free time. (My current daily board-checking routine: glance for MTtB comments, glance for new PMs, glance to see if Dewelar updated, glance to see if Forgetful updated, run a search for the term "Iwanako," close window.) It's funny, I didn't really like Shizune's route (though on a reread it's growing on me,) but I really, really enjoy the Shizune POV, in the few places I've seen it. Maybe that's why her route doesn't really resonate with me—being Shizune just seems like it'd be a whole lot more exciting than being with Shizune. Maybe it's because I'm an INFP and she's an ENFJ and that sounds like a fun class to play. (The INFP is the spoony bard of personality types.)
I think your Shizune voice is really interesting, and very accurate (at least so far as we can predict she would be, at that age,) though it looks like you're going a different direction than I would: where Shizune's concerned I've been pretty well indoctrinated by Dewelar's headcanon. I'm not cranky about that though because the writing so far is solid and the monologuing is snappy. I have a headache, so from here I'm just going to quote-point my thoughts:
If my experience spending the entirety of November, December and January as a functionally mute woman is anything to go by (in both Korea and America,) this is kinda surprising. If you can't talk, most people will default to thinking you're deaf. I was carrying around a white board and dry-erase marker in order to communicate with people; I went into a Burger King once to order dinner, and when I wrote my order on the white board the manager started signing at me. It became too awkward to tell them I wasn't deaf, so I just kind of nodded along with it. Stuff like this happened everywhere. I suspect it's really annoying for people with other forms of mutism.Blank Mage wrote:The driver of the taxi doesn't ask any questions when I hand him the note explaining my circumstances, but judging from his expression, he thinks I'm messing with him.
Damn, how long have you been sitting on that one?Blank Mage wrote:How’s that going to look on my resume? “Shizune Hakamichi, Invalidictorian”? Pathetic.
I've thought of this from a lot of different angles and I don't get it.Blank Mage wrote:Yamaku High. Or as I've already nicknamed it, ‘The Rug’.
Hideaki's doing that already? Holy shit, get that kid on Lupron.Blank Mage wrote:good luck with Hideaki! You may yet have an heir, if you can get him to stop wearing ribbons and stockings.
HA!Blank Mage wrote:I hope no one is stalking me. I leave a detailed chat log in every trash bin I pass.
I really love how baby!Shizune doesn't have quite the level of confidence she'll eventually develop. This is a Shizune that still kinda feels beaten down from the really crummy home life she's only just now escaping, and who hasn't had many opportunities to really interface with other members of the deaf community, and it shows. Good work.
Sonohara seems like a sweet lady. I'm digging your characterization of her. I'm guessing she's the teacher of 1-1? No Misha yet, so you'd want to put the deaf girl with the other deaf kids.Blank Mage wrote:She’s a bit short and underweight, long brown hair in a simple ponytail. Her posture is somewhat loose, her face expressive.
Completely spitballing here, but right now I'm speculating her as a Katawa Shoujoized (i.e., more dramatized) version of Miss Yukari, if you get that reference. I think it's because of her relative similarity in age to the quasi-canon characterization of Miyagi; I think I'm hoping she's the kind of teacher that gets way too drunk on the weekends and has to be dragged home by her co-worker.
The Start of Darkness begins.Blank Mage wrote:They want to see what I can do.
I grin, the maniacal grin of pure, mad ambition.
And I'm going to show them.
Anyway, it'll be fun to see where this goes, and I'll try to provide whatever criticism I can, when I can, if I can think of anything. Carry on.
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Blank Mage
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Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
Eeeeeeee
Also, oh my god, you were actually mute, why am I the one writing a Shizune piece
You have no idea how tempted I was to use his compartmentalized Shizune viewpoint, but in the end I didn't want to base my entire story on an admittedly brilliant but completely borrowed literary device. Although come to think of it... oh I like this idea.Leaty wrote: I think your Shizune voice is really interesting, and very accurate (at least so far as we can predict she would be, at that age,) though it looks like you're going a different direction than I would: where Shizune's concerned I've been pretty well indoctrinated by Dewelar's headcanon.
True, but when an angry-looking girl in her mid-teens pulls the same act, I can imagine a bit of skepticism. In retrospect, I realized that the cab driver has probably heard of this school before (he's driving to it), and that this makes no sense, but revising the entire first paragraph seems, I dunno, wrong, somehow. I might change it soon.Leaty wrote:If my experience spending the entirety of November, December and January as a functionally mute woman is anything to go by (in both Korea and America,) this is kinda surprising. If you can't talk, most people will default to thinking you're deaf. I was carrying around a white board and dry-erase marker in order to communicate with people; I went into a Burger King once to order dinner, and when I wrote my order on the white board the manager started signing at me. It became too awkward to tell them I wasn't deaf, so I just kind of nodded along with it. Stuff like this happened everywhere. I suspect it's really annoying for people with other forms of mutism.
Also, oh my god, you were actually mute, why am I the one writing a Shizune piece
The real question is, how am I the only person who thought of this? (Well, me and about 1,870 other people, according to google.)Leaty wrote:Damn, how long have you been sitting on that one?
Sweeping things under the rug is an easy, half-assed way of hiding the things you don't want to think about. Sorry, that could have been more obvious.Leaty wrote:I've thought of this from a lot of different angles and I don't get it.
I actually find it much more plausible that Hideaki's been doing this since he started dressing himself. You know how it is, boys will play with dolls until society teaches them not to. Hideaki's gender-fluidity was, until recently, an odd quirk of youth. It's only now becoming obvious that he isn't planning on stopping anytime soon.Leaty wrote:Hideaki's doing that already? Holy shit, get that kid on Lupron.
There was actually quite a bit more on her, but I cut it out, since it felt like forced characterization in a chapter that's already a borderline info-dump. Still, we'll get to know her better as the story progresses.Leaty wrote:Sonohara seems like a sweet lady. I'm digging your characterization of her. I'm guessing she's the teacher of 1-1? No Misha yet, so you'd want to put the deaf girl with the other deaf kids.
I am cursed to get every reference. (Also, I hate Oreimo. Kirino's a jerk and people should treat her as such. I have admittedly strong feelings about this.) I hadn't considered it, but that's fairly accurate, appearance-wise. She is in fact inspired by my own math teacher back in MAT161. She was a lot of fun. She used heart shapes as variables in her demo equations.Leaty wrote:Completely spitballing here, but right now I'm speculating her as a Katawa Shoujoized (i.e., more dramatized) version of Miss Yukari, if you get that reference.
And we're back.
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"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
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"I wish I could convey to you just how socially inept I am, but I can't."
"I think you just did."
"No, I really, truly haven't."
Re: Lost in Translation - A Shizune Prequel
I have six piercings on my face and several more on my ears, and I get mistaken for being in my late teens, so it's not like I don't look sketchy as fuck.Blank Mage wrote:True, but when an angry-looking girl in her mid-teens pulls the same act, I can imagine a bit of skepticism.
Well, it's not like that gives me that much insight to being deaf. I was able to answer a lot of questions just by nodding or shaking my head. (Or holding fingers up.) A deaf person would have a harder time doing those things.Blank Mage wrote:Also, oh my god, you were actually mute, why am I the one writing a Shizune piece
I might do a short Shizune piece some day, but I don't know where I'd go with it.
Blank Mage wrote:I am cursed to get every reference. (Also, I hate Oreimo. Kirino's a jerk and people should treat her as such.
I had no idea what you were talking about until I realized that's the tsundere moe girl from the snooty hair flip gif I used. Reading a synopsis of that show's plot... I do not think I would feel comfortable watching it.