Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

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HoneyBakedHam
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by HoneyBakedHam » Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:14 am

dewelar wrote:I won't touch the cliffhanger ATM, other than to say that there are things that it seems to be telegraphing that I'm not sure I want to see. Image Still following this, though.
If you're referring to the back-to-back blacked out messages, it's hard to un-see once you do read them. ;)

jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 2:26 am

dewelar wrote:Catching up with this. Still decently written, with a lot of really nice detail. There are a few more things that make me wonder if perhaps you could use a proofreader, but given that it's on another site I'm too lazy to c'n'p them over here due to their relatively minor nature. I'm not sure what to make of the relationship here between the sisters Satou. Yeah, it's ten years later, so you expect some changes, but in places it feels like they haven't known each other that long. I won't touch the cliffhanger ATM, other than to say that there are things that it seems to be telegraphing that I'm not sure I want to see. Image Still following this, though.
I agree that I could probably use a pre-reader or a proof-reader of some sort, I'll be honest here, when I "write" I just sit down and go for broke (5k words in about.. hmm somewhere between 2 and 4 hrs). It's a shit practice.

I've been foreshadowing stuff pretty hard, but I don't think I've tipped my hand as much as you suspect. At least I hope not! Now I'm worried... hmm.

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Fri Aug 07, 2015 4:28 am

Okay, new chapter. Just gonna read this and...
*Ending*
Oh. Oh. Oh dear, oh dear.

*Cliffhanger*
You MOTHERFU- extremely good author who has successfully managed to secure another reader for the next chapter. Ya sly SOB :lol:

Nice work! :D
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
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I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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Oddball
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Oddball » Wed May 03, 2017 5:21 pm

It's a shame this ended on a cliffhanger like it did, or rather got abandoned on a cliffhanger.

It's the kind of soul crushing yet still realistic dark you don't see too often around here.

I think the story went a bit heavy on Japanese terminology at times and despite being ten years later, the characters don't feel like they've actually changed that much, just that their situations have changed. Otherwise it was a very nice read for what was there.
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