Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

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jjm152
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Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:24 am

Someone told me that I should post this over here since it's more active than where I normally post, at least for fan fiction.

Anyway, the story takes place 10 years post Hanako's bad ending. I'll copy the blurb here from Fanfiction.net

"In a fit of anger and confusion Hanako screamed at Hisao and cut her friends out of her life. Ten years later, the ripples of this event are still felt among three former friends. Separated by years and distance, fate sets events in motion that brings them all together again and presents an opportunity for friendship, and perhaps even love, to take root again."

Chapter 1
Chapter 2 (added 2/26/15)
Chapter 3 (added 3/01/15)
Chapter 4 (added 3/05/15)
Chapter 5 (added 7/26/15)
Chapter 6 (added 8/02/15)

I intend for it to be a pretty damn angsty story. This shouldn't be a problem for KS fans right? After all we are all well versed in the art of manly tears.

If you like this chapter and you think I'm doing well with it, then please leave a comment on the story. I do use feedback to try and improve my stories.

Thanks
Last edited by jjm152 on Sat Aug 01, 2015 2:47 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Strongstache
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Strongstache » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:20 pm

Truth be told, judging by your introductory post and the fact that your linking to fanfiction.net, I was expecting nothing more than yet another poorly written post-Hanako end with terrible grammar and script-like syntax.

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. You managed to set the scene very well from the first chapter, presenting Hanako, Hisao and Lilly's current situation clearly while leaving plenty of blanks as to how and why they ended up the way they did (especially in Hanako's case, I had to check three times to confirm that yes indeed, she has (had?) a daughter holy crap).

On another note, I love the way you wrote Akira. Just pure, unadulterated cool big sis fluff. Gives some relief after the honestly depressing beginning (Hanako's perspective, at least), and before the inevitable confrontation (and dreadful love triangle?).

I'm really eager to know what happens next. Consider me thoroughly hooked.

One last thing, perhaps: if it's not too much of a hassle, consider posting here as well as on fanfiction.net. Linking is fine, but this site's background is easier on the eyes than pure white. That, and it'll certainly make your fic stand out more.

jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:56 pm

Strongstache wrote:Truth be told, judging by your introductory post and the fact that your linking to fanfiction.net, I was expecting nothing more than yet another poorly written post-Hanako end with terrible grammar and script-like syntax.

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. You managed to set the scene very well from the first chapter, presenting Hanako, Hisao and Lilly's current situation clearly while leaving plenty of blanks as to how and why they ended up the way they did (especially in Hanako's case, I had to check three times to confirm that yes indeed, she has (had?) a daughter holy crap).

On another note, I love the way you wrote Akira. Just pure, unadulterated cool big sis fluff. Gives some relief after the honestly depressing beginning (Hanako's perspective, at least), and before the inevitable confrontation (and dreadful love triangle?).

I'm really eager to know what happens next. Consider me thoroughly hooked.

One last thing, perhaps: if it's not too much of a hassle, consider posting here as well as on fanfiction.net. Linking is fine, but this site's background is easier on the eyes than pure white. That, and it'll certainly make your fic stand out more.
Well, I'm glad you both gave it a shot and enjoyed it (so far). I didn't realize FF.net was a major turnoff or anything. The only reason why I link there is because sometimes I do go back and revise my stories online, particularly if I make a fuck up in continuity (it happens) and it's easier to just maintain one copy. I'm sure most people can understand that. :D

Let's see... I have this entire story plotted out into 5 acts and you are pretty much dead on with where this story is going (not like I haven't foreshadowed it enough anyway, so it's not a spoiler). The interesting part is always just seeing how these things unfold anyway, right?

If you see what I am doing I am sort of filling in bits and pieces of what has happened between everyone one part at a time from different perspectives, I'll continue to do that, so eventually everything in the past that is relevant will be revealed. I think this is a more entertaining way to do things than straight flash-backs (although there may be one or two).

Hanako spoiler - Yeah, her daughter plays a central part in her plot. One thing I hope people are noticing is that despite the fact that in my story Hanako has a lot of problems, both mental and physical as well as just practical ones with her living situation and such, she has a lot of determination. I would say that she's the type of person who doesn't win often, but she's by no means a loser. Hopefully she'll be able to reach her goals, right?

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I'm finishing off a different piece right now, then I'll be back to this one in a day or two. It's already plotted, so I just need to type it up.

Cheers

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by azumeow » Thu Feb 26, 2015 1:57 pm

5 acts and we're barely into act 1? Oh lawdy. I'm sensing another Developments. Not that that is a bad thing in any way, shape or form.

Calling it now, Hanako's daughter is Hisao's. Because that will just make things more horrible and painful for everybody involved.
"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"

jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:13 pm

azumeow wrote:5 acts and we're barely into act 1? Oh lawdy. I'm sensing another Developments. Not that that is a bad thing in any way, shape or form.

Calling it now, Hanako's daughter is Hisao's. Because that will just make things more horrible and painful for everybody involved.
Hahah, I'm not that evil. Also, I think I've pretty much already written that possibility out of the story with the current continuity.

What's Developments about? Doesn't sound like something I've read yet, is it long and angsty?

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by brythain » Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:21 pm

jjm152 wrote:What's Developments about? Doesn't sound like something I've read yet, is it long and angsty?
:D

Yes, it's long. And angsty. And it is an amazing read with obsessive attention to interesting detail.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:05 pm

Well from the comments I've read so far Development's angst levels don't even come close to this story's. It's still an amazing read though.
As for this story I'll comment when (or if) you've posted it here, since I don't go to ff.net.
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jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 7:40 pm

brythain wrote:
jjm152 wrote:What's Developments about? Doesn't sound like something I've read yet, is it long and angsty?
:D

Yes, it's long. And angsty. And it is an amazing read with obsessive attention to interesting detail.
I went and read it on your guys recommendation(?? I guess recommendation??)

I thought it was pretty okay but maybe a little over-long and repetitive in a few places with too many side characters for my taste. I have a thing for tight narratives, so epic rambling stories just aren't my cup of tea.

I think... I need to think about it a little more. There were some really great turns of phrases and evocative images and emotions in there. It'd be nice to take that away, but I think there are also some mistakes that I'd want to avoid as well. I'll stew on it.

Thanks for pointing it out!

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Mar 01, 2015 6:25 am

*Nods in approval*

This story has my interest. I shall be waiting.

One criticism (although this might just be personal preference) is that I seem to recall Akira mentioning that Lilly wasn't cut out for work in business.

Is that a thing, or am I confusing cannon with Sisterhood cannon :? ?
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jjm152
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sun Mar 01, 2015 7:37 am

Alpacalypse wrote:*Nods in approval*

This story has my interest. I shall be waiting.

One criticism (although this might just be personal preference) is that I seem to recall Akira mentioning that Lilly wasn't cut out for work in business.

Is that a thing, or am I confusing cannon with Sisterhood cannon :? ?
I'm not sure that's actually from the VN release. In any case, I tend to take minor statements like that as a grain of salt, particularly when there is no real evidence to back up the veracity of what is said (After all, characters in novels aren't always correct in their guesses and opinions right??)

Besides, this story takes place far in the future, so it stands to reason that even if things appeared to correctly apply to you when you were 18 years old, that might not quite be true when you're 28. People will probably enjoy this fiction better if they follow my own reasoning about how things "might" have changed going forward given the backstory that I am laying out. It's like how I didn't take the film adaptations of the "Lord of the Rings" all that seriously (despite being a huge Tolkien fan) and instead just enjoyed the "big picture" (even if I felt some stuff was wrong).

btw, new chapter is up now :D

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Alpacalypse
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:20 am

jjm152 wrote:
Alpacalypse wrote:*Nods in approval*

This story has my interest. I shall be waiting.

One criticism (although this might just be personal preference) is that I seem to recall Akira mentioning that Lilly wasn't cut out for work in business.

Is that a thing, or am I confusing cannon with Sisterhood cannon :? ?
I'm not sure that's actually from the VN release. In any case, I tend to take minor statements like that as a grain of salt, particularly when there is no real evidence to back up the veracity of what is said (After all, characters in novels aren't always correct in their guesses and opinions right??)

Besides, this story takes place far in the future, so it stands to reason that even if things appeared to correctly apply to you when you were 18 years old, that might not quite be true when you're 28. People will probably enjoy this fiction better if they follow my own reasoning about how things "might" have changed going forward given the backstory that I am laying out. It's like how I didn't take the film adaptations of the "Lord of the Rings" all that seriously (despite being a huge Tolkien fan) and instead just enjoyed the "big picture" (even if I felt some stuff was wrong).

btw, new chapter is up now :D
Fair enough, was just a minor point I thought of.

Also, jeez, that was fast :shock: !

damn, those girls in the diner/fast-food place/thing really made me wanna punch them.

Also, "weaponized pout"...

Genius :lol:
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
---
I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
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I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:39 am

Alpacalypse wrote: Also, jeez, that was fast :shock: !

damn, those girls in the diner/fast-food place/thing really made me wanna punch them.

Also, "weaponized pout"...

Genius :lol:
I'm going to try and hit another chapter in the next 3 days. I already know what to write, it's just a matter of doing it.

That's the feeling I was sorta going for with that scene - so glad it came through! I was kinda thinking - "Now to make people want to punch their monitors!"

Cute Lilly is best Lilly imho.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by jjm152 » Wed Mar 04, 2015 6:27 pm

Newest Chapter is up.

More developments between Hisao and Lilly and a dramatic reunion in a train station for three friends.

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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by bhtooefr » Wed Mar 04, 2015 10:11 pm

Show, don't tell. There's a lot of explaining how things work, rather than showing how they work, there, and it feels really clunky - like I'm reading an encyclopedia article rather than a story, at points.
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Re: Fanfiction: KS: Rumbling Hearts (Post Hanako Bad Ending)

Post by Alpacalypse » Thu Mar 05, 2015 2:17 pm

Cool, nice to see updates happening so quickly :mrgreen:

In other news, while I do think that the chapter has a bit more setup than I would like, it was pretty much inevitable that there would be a setup chapter somewhere, so I can't begrudge you that

besides you know it's good when the only complaint I have is there's not enough of it :lol:

Conclusion: still following, good luck with the rest
I am the harbinger of your destruction... By herbivorous, mountain dwelling quadrupeds... fear me
---
I also write now, apparently. Since everyone else does it, I'm putting it here
---
I have also discovered that I'm a decent proofreader. Anybody with SPaG problems is free to PM me their work for a thorough analysis and/or evisceration. Depends on how I'm feeling.

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