“Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars”
Writing: Chatty Wheeler
Proofreading: MexicanPsychopath
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Contrary to the widespread myth, it is unlikely that every snowflake is unique. That doesn’t mean they’re all identical, but it’s within reason to believe that a good many are alike. After all, an average of one million billion snowflakes fall on Earth each second.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the gentle flick of a snowflake falling on the tip of my upper lip. The touch of its icicle fingers sends a ripple of gooseflesh across my skin. I bury my lips into my scarf to stave off the tingling sensation. My toes are burning.
Even without the liberty of sight, I never fail to sense when fresh snow has adorned the Yamaku campus. The frigid bite of the cold and the hushed soundscape of my surroundings are the only clues that I need.
They say that the porous composition of surface snow absorbs sound waves like a sponge. It is for that reason that snowfall brings a quiet peacefulness to every town, city, or rooftop that it covers.
Alas, the atmosphere of this particular rooftop is anything but peaceful—even if it is mostly quiet up here. I can faintly make out the momentary squawking of birds and the occasional purr of airplanes passing overhead, but even they seem meager in comparison to the volatile presence standing right in front of me. Volatile yet silent for the time being.
“How does it fit, Rin?”
All I get in response is the sound of clothes ruffling.
Is that supposed to be a shrug? Has she forgotten about my blindness?
...Or has she not finished putting them on yet? I can only imagine the challenge it must be to put on clothes without arms. I’ll assume that she needs more time.
In a last moment gut call, I decided not to offer my assistance as Rin tried putting them on. I’ve never worn overalls before, so I thought that I’d be more hindrance than help.
“Rin? How is it?”
Yet again, I’m met with silence. At this point, I’m silently praying that she’s at least thinking of a verbal response. Maybe if I put my ear up to her forehead, I’ll hear some cogs turning inside. Perhaps they’re jammed right now?
Finally, I hear her breathe in.
“It feels like that feeling you feel when you’re inside of a vacuum cleaner. Like, when all the bits of dust and hair are floating around in a giant clutter—sort of like intestines.”
...Huh?
If this were any other girl, I would playfully ask if she were reciting the words of a creative mind like Shakespeare. This is Rin, though—totally uninfluenced by anyone in the world except herself. If she were a fish in a pond full of bait, she’d probably ignore it all and bite at her own tail instead.
At least with Shakespeare, I can read a textbook to find out the hidden meanings of his works. With Rin, there is no answer key at the end of the book. All I can do is sheepishly admit defeat.
“I-I’m afraid that I don’t quite understand, Rin.”
“That’s okay, I just came up with a better way of putting it... I feel like a thick sheet of flat cardboard being folded in half over and over again. Each fold goes in a new direction until I’ve taken on a completely new form. But no matter how far my cardboard joints bend, they always have the urge to unfold until I’ve reverted to being a flat sheet.”
That doesn’t help me in the slightest, Rin.
It’s during moments like these when I rue my lack of eyesight. I’m completely barred from getting a read on Rin’s facial expression. The pitch of her voice seldom has any more range than that of a grumbling toad, but I sometimes wonder if it's all a mask. I wouldn't be surprised if her deadpan manner of speech were a mechanism to stifle laughter. I mean, she'd have to be a rock to not realize how silly she makes people feel when they try talking to her. Perhaps seeing her face would clue me in to some answers, even if Emi did say that Rin’s facial expressions are usually rather... unreadable.
Desperate to come up with some kind of reply to her statement, I latch onto the first thing that comes to mind.
“Okay... So, you feel... folded? Like origami?”
“Maybe.”
Without thinking I let out a somewhat frustrated sigh.
“Maybe?”
I hear another sound of clothes ruffling.
Is that supposed to be another shrug? Could it be that she’s mocking my blindness, now?
I find myself clenching my fists to stave off my frustration, but I still end up hearing some of it creep out of my voice.
“Rin. Please tell me simply whether or not you like the pair of overalls that I gave to you.”
There’s silence on both ends. For once, Rin breaks it.
“You’re upset, aren’t you.”
“I-I’m not upset. It’s just... Would you happen to recall that I’m blind?”
“Yes.”
“Then why do you keep-”
I cut myself off and take a deep breath.
Easy, Lilly. Now’s not the time to lose your composure.
“What is your opinion on the overalls?”
“...I don’t know if I could wear this, to be honest. The fabric is a little too heavy and too rough. The size doesn’t really fit me, either.”
Half of me wants to be honest.
‘I wish you hadn’t arrived half an hour late and left me freezing in the snow just to hear that three-sentence answer.’
Luckily, my smarter half knows better than to say that. I quickly try to formulate a more polite response but end up stuttering my way to safety.
“That’s... I mean... Well... You don’t like denim fabric?”
I hear another sound of clothes ruffling, this time a little slower and quieter.
At a complete loss of what to do, a defeated sigh escapes out my nose. My scarf catches some of the air and redirects it into my neck, sending a shiver down my body. I clear my throat, partly to warm my neck back up, and partly to get Rin’s attention.
“My apologies, Rin. My intention was that they could assist you with your painting. You know, to protect your uniform from getting paint on it?”
Rin seems to ponder this for a moment.
“I’d need a pair that fits me better. If I wore the one you gave me, paint would be able to drip through the loose parts. I’d rather skip all the hassle of getting myself a replacement male uniform. It was hard enough the first time.”
“If I might ask, which parts aren’t fitting correctly?”
As if those words were lit sticks of dynamite dropped on the side of a snowy mountain, I hear the sound of what might be an oncoming avalanche. It starts out soft, but the sound of crunching grows and grows until it finally hits me.
Is she-? Did she seriously start running in place? Perhaps the cold finally got to her...
“Spinniiiiiiiing...”
...Or perhaps she got bored and started spinning around in place. Or perhaps she’s planning to spin until she flies away like a helicopter. Or perhaps she’s not spinning at all, and it’s just my head that’s spinning.
Before I can even humor the idea of sneaking off while she’s distracted, the crunching ceases.
Rin lets out a low chuckle. The way her voice flutters when she laughs reminds me of the laugh that Akira has when she’s had a lot to drink.
It also sounds quite similar to the laugh of my father.
Before I can get sucked down that tunnel of thought any further, Rin yanks me back out with the sound of her voice.
“The legs are a little too loose and about ten centimeters short. Also, I don’t have hourglass hips. I have regular hips. Regular hips are not as wide as hourglass hips. I’m not an hourglass.”
Oh, she must have been spinning to get a feel for the overalls in motion...
“Everything else feels alright, though. The arms and chest feel good when I move them. If you picked these overalls just by guessing my measurements, you did well—considering that you’ve never... seen me before.”
She says that last bit in a tone that I can only imagine means that she’s scrunching up her face.
“How did you guess my measurements? Are you like a dolphin? Can you see with your ears? Did you teach yourself how to echolocate when you lost your eyesight? Is there a class that blind people can take that teaches them how to do that?”
I take a deep breath, making a conscious effort to breathe slowly and gently. I have to keep myself breathing, or else the steam might come out of my ears instead. I would prefer that Rin doesn’t see that.
“I’m afraid that you’re giving me far too much credit. Truth be told, I had a little help with deciding the measurements.”
Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
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Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars (Part 1)
Last edited by Chatty Wheeler on Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:46 am, edited 2 times in total.
-
Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars (Part 2)
“Hello, hello there, Lilly!”
I needn’t think twice to identify the owner of that voice. I’d recognize her tea kettle tone from anywhere.
“Welcome, Emi. I’m glad that you could join me today. Please have a seat.”
I motion for her to sit across from me at the table. No sooner had I done so than I'm struck by how similar this all feels to when I first invited Hanako to join me for tea.
It was a frigid morning like this one, possibly even colder. At the time, there were no tables for us to use—they were all taken away when the room first went unused. Hanako surprised me some weeks later by finding a spare tucked away in the old storage room. Before then, Hanako and I made our tea on the counter and sat in the few chairs that had graciously been left behind.
It didn't take long for us to settle into a routine. Hanako had her chair, and I had my chair. We never swapped because there was no need to. My chair was comfortable, as was Hanako's, although hers was known to make noise from time to time. When she grew weary or anxious—particularly during our chess matches—she would idly lean back and forth in her chair, causing it to creak and croak. Whereas Hanako didn't seem to notice the noise, I actually came to appreciate the noise. I could always count on it to remind me that Hanako was still there.
I hear a dull plop on the ground next to Hanako’s chair—now Emi's chair.
Probably her backpack.
Unexpectedly, I hear another plop from the same spot. This time, the noise sounds like it was made by a beanbag rather than a backpack.
Her... track bag?
Finally, I hear a third plop directly across from me. Within moments, I hear the typical metallic creaking sound ooze from the chair, but it’s mixed in with another unexpected sound. It starts as a fatigued groan and ends as a relaxed sigh.
“Goodness. You didn’t come straight here after a run, did you?”
Emi’s breath catches before giggling shortly after.
“I did! Don’t fret though, it's for the best. If I hadn’t warmed up the blood a little beforehand, the brain might have walked in here still half asleep! That’d be no good, would it?”
Emi’s amusing display of optimism makes me giggle. We need more people in the world with her spirit.
“Not to mention I’d be breaking my training routine, which is even worse.”
“I’ll consider myself lucky, then. I get to speak with Emi in her prime.”
I give Emi a playful wink and she laughs.
“Finally! I’m glad that I’m speaking to someone who gets it!”
“Oh? Are you saying that some don’t?”
“Well... nobody here thinks that way, but my mother on the other hand... I think she’s just jealous that she can never beat her daughter out of the house each morning.”
We both chuckle before Emi speaks up again.
“Oh! Is this cup of tea for me?”
“My, my, you didn’t think that I’d forget my promise, did you?”
Emi giggles.
“Of course not, that was just... a test!”
Before I have the chance to tease her about how her lying needs work, Emi cuts me off by taking a long sip from her teacup. This must be a signal that she wants to move on to a new subject. I decide to take the hint.
“Well, I shan’t keep you in suspense any longer. I asked you to meet me here today to ask you for some help.”
Emi chokes on her tea, the theatricality of which making me laugh a little.
“You’re asking me for help?”
“Why yes, Emi.”
Emi goes quiet for an uncharacteristically long period of time. Even though it just barely scrapes ten seconds, that's an hour in dog-years, and a decade in Emi-years.
“Well, as long as it’s not help with English homework...”
I giggle.
“<Don’t worry, I’m already quite proficient at English.>” I cheekily reply in English. For safety, I shake my head to make it clear that I have no intention of asking for her help with English.
“Meanie.”
We both laugh. Emi laughs even louder than I do, much to my relief. I’m thankful that my little gamble at some light humor paid off, considering how unsure I am of how she’ll react to what I’m about to ask her for help with.
After we've reigned in the laughter, Emi speaks once again.
“So, how can I help you, Lilly?”
I take a deep breath, blink twice, and part my lips.
“I pulled Rin’s name.”
“...You what? Pulled... Rin’s...”
Emi suddenly gasps.
“Wait! You don’t mean...?”
I awkwardly giggle at her shock.
“That’s right. I’m Rin’s secret Santa.”
Emi takes a giant breath, probably filling her lungs with half of the oxygen in the room. What follows is a mixture between a cackling hyena and a deflating helium balloon. In between a couple of bursts of laughter, I think I can make out a sentence.
“How wonderfully terrible!”
That’s... a rather blunt way of putting it.
As if someone had pulled the plug on Emi's power supply, her laughter abruptly cuts off.
“Oh! I meant no offense... but... you know... Like, what are the chances that you picked her name out of all the girls in the female dorms?”
I wave my hand to coil her fears.
“None taken. It does seem like a rather...”
I scramble to think of a word that politely masks the fact that I agree with every word of her previous statement. I also can not believe that I've been saddled with picking a gift for Rin of all people.
“...unconstructive pairing, doesn’t it?”
“Which is why you called me here, I bet! You want me to give you some gift advice, right?”
“That’s... spot on. I guess I’m an open book if my intentions were that easy to guess.”
Emi begins tapping her feet with excitement. Her chair creaks and croaks in its effort to contain her radiant enthusiasm.
“Ha! Well now, I am the bona fide clairvoyant of Yamaku, so don’t undersell yourself.”
At first, I feel the urge to compliment Emi's impressive display of vocabulary. That is, until I remember that clairvoyants don't read minds in the way that she was implying they do. Instead, I just smile and laugh.
“It would seem that I have nothing to fear, then. Thank you for lending me your spiritual might, Miss Ibarazaki.”
I set down my teacup with a clink and do a little bow, causing Emi to giggle in response.
“Anyway, what’ve you got in the idea bank so far, Lilly? Any winners?!”
Oh, I wasn’t expecting her to flip that question back on me so soon. I was hoping that she might have some ideas herself, but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to show her where my head is at beforehand.
“Well, it’s too early to crown any ‘winning’ ideas at this time, but the current frontrunner is to give her a pair of overalls.”
“Overalls...? You’re getting her overalls?”
Emi speaks with not one iota of the chipperness that she had moments ago; now all I hear is sheer confusion. The stark contrast is enough to briefly send me into a rolling giggle, but I quickly regain my composure.
“A pair of overalls does sound like a strange idea for a gift, doesn’t it? My foremost thought was to give her an artist apron. After all, she is a painter.”
Emi hums in understanding, which brings me more solace than she knows, even if she's the mind-reader she claims to be. Either way, I can tell that she thinks I have more to say, which I do.
“However, I’ve been told that Rin holds her paintbrush with her toes. Of course, a normal apron doesn’t reach down to that far, so it wouldn’t do her any good in the name of keeping the paint off. On the other hand, a pair of overalls would cover her legs quite well. What do you think?”
I hear Emi quickly breathe in as if she were about to speak, but no voice comes out. Instead, she slowly lets the breath back out until her lungs have emptied.
Is she thinking?
With no further warning given, Emi speaks.
“I think it’s a good idea, and you’ve clearly thought carefully about it... but do you think that’s what Rin really wants?”
I softly sigh.
Of course, I’m disappointed to hear Emi say that, but it would be wrong of me to complain. At the end of the day, voicing her opinion is the reason that I brought her here.
“I guess I don’t know, Emi. I don’t really know much about what goes on in her head. She’s... I must confess, a puzzle that I don’t have all the pieces to solve. I figured that getting her a present related to something I do know she enjoys would be the safest bet.”
Immediately after that last word leaves my lips, I chuckle, remembering who it is that’s sitting in front of me.
“Perhaps... you might be able to provide me with some of those ‘puzzle pieces,’ if you will. After all, you two probably know everything about each other, don’t you?”
Emi lightly giggles.
“I don’t know if I can live up to that, but I’ll certainly try! Go ahead and ask me anything you think will help you out.”
With an offer as unspecific as that, my mind initially stalls at coming up with an appropriate response. After a few more seconds of internal struggle, I decide to respond with an equally unspecific question.
“Well, what do you and Rin like to do during the holidays?”
“Us...? Well, sometimes we cook and eat together, and then we... just... talk.”
That doesn’t really help me, so I take another swing.
“Do you do anything after talking?”
“Not really, I think she just enjoys conversation.”
Realizing that we’ve hit a dead-end, a deflated sigh escapes through my nose. Perhaps I can salvage the mood with some humor.
“Well, I can’t exactly wrap ‘conversation’ in a box and give it to her as a present, can I?”
I giggle, fully expecting Emi to laugh along with me.
She doesn't, and I quickly realize that she isn't going to. Without delay, I desperately contort my body in a way that jams any further laughter back down my throat.
The following silence leaves me feeling completely exposed and disoriented. In a sense, it's not far removed from when I said goodbye to my parents for the last time in person. When I boarded the plane and realized that I had failed to pack my cane, I wept. I still don’t know why I wept that day, as I had plenty of spare canes back home, but I do know that I haven’t cried like that since. Akira held my hand for the entire flight.
Thankfully, Emi breaks us out of our silence and breaks me out of my reverie.
“I guess that’s true... Yeah, you’re probably right. Yeah, you’re right!”
Emi lets out a cheerful laugh. It's so overly cheery that even a certain pink-haired drill-loving student council representative would blush upon hearing it.
“Oh, yeah! Lilly, I should probably let you in on a little something before I forget. If you’re going to be giving Rin clothing, I would recommend going somewhere private when you give it to her. She’ll probably want to try it on right then and there, and... well, you can imagine how revealing that might be for someone without arms.”
Without thinking, I furrow my eyebrows and tighten my lips.
“I’m afraid I don’t follow. Could you elaborate?”
Emi awkwardly giggles.
“Well... have you ever wondered why she wears pants instead of a skirt?”
Before I can even ask, ‘Rin wears pants instead of a skirt?’ the implication hits me, and I awkwardly stutter out a new response.
“Oh... Duly noted. Thank you, I... I think I’ll have her try it on in my room then.”
On second thought, I don’t know if I really want Rin in my room. Emi seems to think that too and jumps in.
“Actually, why don’t you bring her to the roof of the main building? Hardly anyone goes up there, and most students are gone during the break anyway!”
“That sounds like a lovely idea, and I’m glad you mentioned the break. Would you happen to know if Rin will be leaving for the holidays?”
“Nope! Wait- I mean yes! I mean- she- she told me that she’ll be here all break...! You know what I mean.”
The two of us chuckle at Emi’s hard-fought logic battle.
I think everyone’s been there.
“As will I, so that should cast away any chance of scheduling conflicts arising.”
“Yup!”
As it seems that we’ve hit a natural break in our conversation, I take this opportunity to drink my tea. Emi follows my lead.
Within moments, a nebulous urge passively enters into my mind. It tells me to ask Emi a question, and it does so with the gentle massaging touch that the ripples of my tea graze my lips with.
Are my hands shaking?
I try to think of something else to say to Emi, but by now my mind has been wholly engulfed by the question—preventing me from thinking of anything else. Curiosity has gotten the best of me.
“Emi... how will I know if Rin likes what I got her? You said you’ve cooked with her before, didn’t you? Were you able to tell if she was enjoying herself? I won’t be able to see her smile or see her eyes light up when I give her my gift... How do you do it...? How do you figure her out?
Emi is silent for a second before responding.
“Uh... Which question do you want me to answer?”
“Right, sorry... Let’s start with the first one.”
Emi lets out a long, steady exhale, kind of like how Akira used to do it when she still smoked.
“Well... Actually, I think it’d be best if we started with that last question. Rin isn’t really the type of person you ‘figure out,’ per se, but it is possible to feel her out... You should already be quite good at that, right? You know... feeling things out?”
I timidly chuckle to hide my confusion while Emi continues.
“I tell you all that because you’re probably not going to get the direct answer that you’re looking for. She’s probably not going to tell you outright if she’s feeling happy. Believe me, I’ve tried to wheedle those words out of her on many occasions. All you can really do is... feel her out...”
...Huh.
“Also, don’t worry about not seeing her facial expressions. Even if you could see her face, you wouldn’t get much from it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Emi clears her throat and her voice drops from whistling tea kettle to husky motor hum.
“A cat’s purr is honest, a dog’s tail wag is real, but with a human smile, the deepest truths it can conceal.”
“...Is that Shakespeare?”
“No, that’s Ibarazaki.”
The two of us laugh, and I no longer care that I didn’t find an answer to my questions.
Surprisingly, Emi coils her laughter before I do, and uses the chance to take a long sip of her tea.
I hear a satisfied sigh followed by the loud clink of her teacup being set on its saucer. It's a certain declaration that Emi has finished off the rest of her tea.
Sure enough, I hear two clicks on the ground followed by the screech of her chair being scooted backward.
“I think I’d better get going now, Lilly. The bell’s going to ring soon.”
We both stand up out of our chairs.
“Of course. Thank you for taking the time to come by and treat me to a sample of your clairvoyance skills. What do I owe you for your services?”
Thankfully picking up on my joke, Emi laughs.
“It’s on the house today. After all, I know that I wasn’t really much help. I guess my skills are going through one of their rusty phases right now.”
She pauses for a second before tentatively starting again.
“You know... when I find myself going through these kinds of rusty phases, it’s usually easier for me to go and... find the puzzle pieces that I’m looking for myself—if you catch my drift. Kapeesh?”
“Oh! Um... Kaposh?”
I don’t really get it...
“Nice. I’ll catch you later, Lilly! Thanks for the tea, it was deeeelicious!”
Bless your heart, Emi. Your gusto is a gift from the universe.
“My pleasure. Have a nice day.”
I begin to hear Emi’s heel-heavy footsteps move toward the door, but just before she reaches the doorway, I suddenly remember something.
“Oh! Emi, please wait!”
Emi twirls around, producing an awful screeching sound on the tile floor.
“Yes?”
“Goodness me, I almost forget to mention the main reason I brought you here. What are Rin’s measurements?”
I needn’t think twice to identify the owner of that voice. I’d recognize her tea kettle tone from anywhere.
“Welcome, Emi. I’m glad that you could join me today. Please have a seat.”
I motion for her to sit across from me at the table. No sooner had I done so than I'm struck by how similar this all feels to when I first invited Hanako to join me for tea.
It was a frigid morning like this one, possibly even colder. At the time, there were no tables for us to use—they were all taken away when the room first went unused. Hanako surprised me some weeks later by finding a spare tucked away in the old storage room. Before then, Hanako and I made our tea on the counter and sat in the few chairs that had graciously been left behind.
It didn't take long for us to settle into a routine. Hanako had her chair, and I had my chair. We never swapped because there was no need to. My chair was comfortable, as was Hanako's, although hers was known to make noise from time to time. When she grew weary or anxious—particularly during our chess matches—she would idly lean back and forth in her chair, causing it to creak and croak. Whereas Hanako didn't seem to notice the noise, I actually came to appreciate the noise. I could always count on it to remind me that Hanako was still there.
I hear a dull plop on the ground next to Hanako’s chair—now Emi's chair.
Probably her backpack.
Unexpectedly, I hear another plop from the same spot. This time, the noise sounds like it was made by a beanbag rather than a backpack.
Her... track bag?
Finally, I hear a third plop directly across from me. Within moments, I hear the typical metallic creaking sound ooze from the chair, but it’s mixed in with another unexpected sound. It starts as a fatigued groan and ends as a relaxed sigh.
“Goodness. You didn’t come straight here after a run, did you?”
Emi’s breath catches before giggling shortly after.
“I did! Don’t fret though, it's for the best. If I hadn’t warmed up the blood a little beforehand, the brain might have walked in here still half asleep! That’d be no good, would it?”
Emi’s amusing display of optimism makes me giggle. We need more people in the world with her spirit.
“Not to mention I’d be breaking my training routine, which is even worse.”
“I’ll consider myself lucky, then. I get to speak with Emi in her prime.”
I give Emi a playful wink and she laughs.
“Finally! I’m glad that I’m speaking to someone who gets it!”
“Oh? Are you saying that some don’t?”
“Well... nobody here thinks that way, but my mother on the other hand... I think she’s just jealous that she can never beat her daughter out of the house each morning.”
We both chuckle before Emi speaks up again.
“Oh! Is this cup of tea for me?”
“My, my, you didn’t think that I’d forget my promise, did you?”
Emi giggles.
“Of course not, that was just... a test!”
Before I have the chance to tease her about how her lying needs work, Emi cuts me off by taking a long sip from her teacup. This must be a signal that she wants to move on to a new subject. I decide to take the hint.
“Well, I shan’t keep you in suspense any longer. I asked you to meet me here today to ask you for some help.”
Emi chokes on her tea, the theatricality of which making me laugh a little.
“You’re asking me for help?”
“Why yes, Emi.”
Emi goes quiet for an uncharacteristically long period of time. Even though it just barely scrapes ten seconds, that's an hour in dog-years, and a decade in Emi-years.
“Well, as long as it’s not help with English homework...”
I giggle.
“<Don’t worry, I’m already quite proficient at English.>” I cheekily reply in English. For safety, I shake my head to make it clear that I have no intention of asking for her help with English.
“Meanie.”
We both laugh. Emi laughs even louder than I do, much to my relief. I’m thankful that my little gamble at some light humor paid off, considering how unsure I am of how she’ll react to what I’m about to ask her for help with.
After we've reigned in the laughter, Emi speaks once again.
“So, how can I help you, Lilly?”
I take a deep breath, blink twice, and part my lips.
“I pulled Rin’s name.”
“...You what? Pulled... Rin’s...”
Emi suddenly gasps.
“Wait! You don’t mean...?”
I awkwardly giggle at her shock.
“That’s right. I’m Rin’s secret Santa.”
Emi takes a giant breath, probably filling her lungs with half of the oxygen in the room. What follows is a mixture between a cackling hyena and a deflating helium balloon. In between a couple of bursts of laughter, I think I can make out a sentence.
“How wonderfully terrible!”
That’s... a rather blunt way of putting it.
As if someone had pulled the plug on Emi's power supply, her laughter abruptly cuts off.
“Oh! I meant no offense... but... you know... Like, what are the chances that you picked her name out of all the girls in the female dorms?”
I wave my hand to coil her fears.
“None taken. It does seem like a rather...”
I scramble to think of a word that politely masks the fact that I agree with every word of her previous statement. I also can not believe that I've been saddled with picking a gift for Rin of all people.
“...unconstructive pairing, doesn’t it?”
“Which is why you called me here, I bet! You want me to give you some gift advice, right?”
“That’s... spot on. I guess I’m an open book if my intentions were that easy to guess.”
Emi begins tapping her feet with excitement. Her chair creaks and croaks in its effort to contain her radiant enthusiasm.
“Ha! Well now, I am the bona fide clairvoyant of Yamaku, so don’t undersell yourself.”
At first, I feel the urge to compliment Emi's impressive display of vocabulary. That is, until I remember that clairvoyants don't read minds in the way that she was implying they do. Instead, I just smile and laugh.
“It would seem that I have nothing to fear, then. Thank you for lending me your spiritual might, Miss Ibarazaki.”
I set down my teacup with a clink and do a little bow, causing Emi to giggle in response.
“Anyway, what’ve you got in the idea bank so far, Lilly? Any winners?!”
Oh, I wasn’t expecting her to flip that question back on me so soon. I was hoping that she might have some ideas herself, but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to show her where my head is at beforehand.
“Well, it’s too early to crown any ‘winning’ ideas at this time, but the current frontrunner is to give her a pair of overalls.”
“Overalls...? You’re getting her overalls?”
Emi speaks with not one iota of the chipperness that she had moments ago; now all I hear is sheer confusion. The stark contrast is enough to briefly send me into a rolling giggle, but I quickly regain my composure.
“A pair of overalls does sound like a strange idea for a gift, doesn’t it? My foremost thought was to give her an artist apron. After all, she is a painter.”
Emi hums in understanding, which brings me more solace than she knows, even if she's the mind-reader she claims to be. Either way, I can tell that she thinks I have more to say, which I do.
“However, I’ve been told that Rin holds her paintbrush with her toes. Of course, a normal apron doesn’t reach down to that far, so it wouldn’t do her any good in the name of keeping the paint off. On the other hand, a pair of overalls would cover her legs quite well. What do you think?”
I hear Emi quickly breathe in as if she were about to speak, but no voice comes out. Instead, she slowly lets the breath back out until her lungs have emptied.
Is she thinking?
With no further warning given, Emi speaks.
“I think it’s a good idea, and you’ve clearly thought carefully about it... but do you think that’s what Rin really wants?”
I softly sigh.
Of course, I’m disappointed to hear Emi say that, but it would be wrong of me to complain. At the end of the day, voicing her opinion is the reason that I brought her here.
“I guess I don’t know, Emi. I don’t really know much about what goes on in her head. She’s... I must confess, a puzzle that I don’t have all the pieces to solve. I figured that getting her a present related to something I do know she enjoys would be the safest bet.”
Immediately after that last word leaves my lips, I chuckle, remembering who it is that’s sitting in front of me.
“Perhaps... you might be able to provide me with some of those ‘puzzle pieces,’ if you will. After all, you two probably know everything about each other, don’t you?”
Emi lightly giggles.
“I don’t know if I can live up to that, but I’ll certainly try! Go ahead and ask me anything you think will help you out.”
With an offer as unspecific as that, my mind initially stalls at coming up with an appropriate response. After a few more seconds of internal struggle, I decide to respond with an equally unspecific question.
“Well, what do you and Rin like to do during the holidays?”
“Us...? Well, sometimes we cook and eat together, and then we... just... talk.”
That doesn’t really help me, so I take another swing.
“Do you do anything after talking?”
“Not really, I think she just enjoys conversation.”
Realizing that we’ve hit a dead-end, a deflated sigh escapes through my nose. Perhaps I can salvage the mood with some humor.
“Well, I can’t exactly wrap ‘conversation’ in a box and give it to her as a present, can I?”
I giggle, fully expecting Emi to laugh along with me.
She doesn't, and I quickly realize that she isn't going to. Without delay, I desperately contort my body in a way that jams any further laughter back down my throat.
The following silence leaves me feeling completely exposed and disoriented. In a sense, it's not far removed from when I said goodbye to my parents for the last time in person. When I boarded the plane and realized that I had failed to pack my cane, I wept. I still don’t know why I wept that day, as I had plenty of spare canes back home, but I do know that I haven’t cried like that since. Akira held my hand for the entire flight.
Thankfully, Emi breaks us out of our silence and breaks me out of my reverie.
“I guess that’s true... Yeah, you’re probably right. Yeah, you’re right!”
Emi lets out a cheerful laugh. It's so overly cheery that even a certain pink-haired drill-loving student council representative would blush upon hearing it.
“Oh, yeah! Lilly, I should probably let you in on a little something before I forget. If you’re going to be giving Rin clothing, I would recommend going somewhere private when you give it to her. She’ll probably want to try it on right then and there, and... well, you can imagine how revealing that might be for someone without arms.”
Without thinking, I furrow my eyebrows and tighten my lips.
“I’m afraid I don’t follow. Could you elaborate?”
Emi awkwardly giggles.
“Well... have you ever wondered why she wears pants instead of a skirt?”
Before I can even ask, ‘Rin wears pants instead of a skirt?’ the implication hits me, and I awkwardly stutter out a new response.
“Oh... Duly noted. Thank you, I... I think I’ll have her try it on in my room then.”
On second thought, I don’t know if I really want Rin in my room. Emi seems to think that too and jumps in.
“Actually, why don’t you bring her to the roof of the main building? Hardly anyone goes up there, and most students are gone during the break anyway!”
“That sounds like a lovely idea, and I’m glad you mentioned the break. Would you happen to know if Rin will be leaving for the holidays?”
“Nope! Wait- I mean yes! I mean- she- she told me that she’ll be here all break...! You know what I mean.”
The two of us chuckle at Emi’s hard-fought logic battle.
I think everyone’s been there.
“As will I, so that should cast away any chance of scheduling conflicts arising.”
“Yup!”
As it seems that we’ve hit a natural break in our conversation, I take this opportunity to drink my tea. Emi follows my lead.
Within moments, a nebulous urge passively enters into my mind. It tells me to ask Emi a question, and it does so with the gentle massaging touch that the ripples of my tea graze my lips with.
Are my hands shaking?
I try to think of something else to say to Emi, but by now my mind has been wholly engulfed by the question—preventing me from thinking of anything else. Curiosity has gotten the best of me.
“Emi... how will I know if Rin likes what I got her? You said you’ve cooked with her before, didn’t you? Were you able to tell if she was enjoying herself? I won’t be able to see her smile or see her eyes light up when I give her my gift... How do you do it...? How do you figure her out?
Emi is silent for a second before responding.
“Uh... Which question do you want me to answer?”
“Right, sorry... Let’s start with the first one.”
Emi lets out a long, steady exhale, kind of like how Akira used to do it when she still smoked.
“Well... Actually, I think it’d be best if we started with that last question. Rin isn’t really the type of person you ‘figure out,’ per se, but it is possible to feel her out... You should already be quite good at that, right? You know... feeling things out?”
I timidly chuckle to hide my confusion while Emi continues.
“I tell you all that because you’re probably not going to get the direct answer that you’re looking for. She’s probably not going to tell you outright if she’s feeling happy. Believe me, I’ve tried to wheedle those words out of her on many occasions. All you can really do is... feel her out...”
...Huh.
“Also, don’t worry about not seeing her facial expressions. Even if you could see her face, you wouldn’t get much from it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Emi clears her throat and her voice drops from whistling tea kettle to husky motor hum.
“A cat’s purr is honest, a dog’s tail wag is real, but with a human smile, the deepest truths it can conceal.”
“...Is that Shakespeare?”
“No, that’s Ibarazaki.”
The two of us laugh, and I no longer care that I didn’t find an answer to my questions.
Surprisingly, Emi coils her laughter before I do, and uses the chance to take a long sip of her tea.
I hear a satisfied sigh followed by the loud clink of her teacup being set on its saucer. It's a certain declaration that Emi has finished off the rest of her tea.
Sure enough, I hear two clicks on the ground followed by the screech of her chair being scooted backward.
“I think I’d better get going now, Lilly. The bell’s going to ring soon.”
We both stand up out of our chairs.
“Of course. Thank you for taking the time to come by and treat me to a sample of your clairvoyance skills. What do I owe you for your services?”
Thankfully picking up on my joke, Emi laughs.
“It’s on the house today. After all, I know that I wasn’t really much help. I guess my skills are going through one of their rusty phases right now.”
She pauses for a second before tentatively starting again.
“You know... when I find myself going through these kinds of rusty phases, it’s usually easier for me to go and... find the puzzle pieces that I’m looking for myself—if you catch my drift. Kapeesh?”
“Oh! Um... Kaposh?”
I don’t really get it...
“Nice. I’ll catch you later, Lilly! Thanks for the tea, it was deeeelicious!”
Bless your heart, Emi. Your gusto is a gift from the universe.
“My pleasure. Have a nice day.”
I begin to hear Emi’s heel-heavy footsteps move toward the door, but just before she reaches the doorway, I suddenly remember something.
“Oh! Emi, please wait!”
Emi twirls around, producing an awful screeching sound on the tile floor.
“Yes?”
“Goodness me, I almost forget to mention the main reason I brought you here. What are Rin’s measurements?”
Last edited by Chatty Wheeler on Sun Jan 31, 2021 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars (Part 3)
“Heh. I wouldn’t be surprised if she made those numbers up on a whim. I don’t know if she told you, but she’s never actually taken my measurements.”
“Oh... I wonder what led her to pick those numbers specifically, then.”
Rin chortles in a stop-start manner like she has an unchewed grape stuck in her throat.
“Maybe she’s trying to enact her revenge on me for the time that I accidentally spilled hot sauce on her lunch when she wasn't looking. I tried to tell her that if she had just paced herself while eating, the spice wouldn’t have hit her all at once.”
“You think she wants revenge for something so unrelated?”
I hear the sound of clothes ruffling.
“She must have known that I wouldn’t be expecting it so close to the holidays. Ever the clever, that Ibarazaki is.”
“Well, maybe she didn’t know your measurements either and was just trying to go off of your appearance. That’s why I needed her help, after all.”
Rin says nothing in response. I think for a moment that my logic might be winning her over enough to take me seriously. That elated feeling is short-lived though, as my hopes are promptly dashed.
“Have you ever thought to yourself that the toes of cats look like little jelly beans?”
Good grief. Is it too much to ask for us to stay on topic for one minute?
Every time we speak, it feels like a treadmill materializes under my feet, and its control panel materializes under Rin’s.
“I wouldn’t exactly know what it looks like, Rin.”
Rin continues, somehow missing the obvious hint that I dropped in that last sentence.
“Well, I had a cat, and I thought that her toes looked like jelly beans. I wonder if that’s why cats lick themselves so much. Maybe their toes taste like jelly beans and their fur tastes like cotton candy. Would different colored fur and different colored toes taste differently? I thought about licking my cat and my neighbor’s cat to see if they tasted different, but I didn’t end up doing it... I was too afraid of the answer that I might have gotten.”
I don’t even try to hide my grimace from her. I think I’m doing her a social favor by clueing her into how weird she sounds right now. Maybe she’ll know now not to bring this up during a job interview.
Eager to steer the conversation back to normalcy, I backtrack a little.
“I’ve never really been around cats. I’m allergic. If I pet one for too long, my eyes water.”
“I understand how you feel. I couldn’t pet my cat either, of course, so we usually just nudged our faces together...”
That’s weird.
“...Either that or I laid down and let her clean my hair for me.”
That’s even weirder.
“Didn’t your eyes ever water, Rin?”
I hear clothes rustling.
“No, but I don’t have allergies... I think.”
“...That’s not what I meant. Cats usually get quite dirty, don’t they?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well... I’ve heard that they lay on the floor most of the day. Wouldn’t it be strange if someone like me laid on the floor all day? I think that I’d end up quite dirty by doing that habitually.”
“So...”
“If you rub your face on the cat, wouldn’t the dirt get all over your face and make your eyes water? Isn’t that how people end up getting pimples?”
“I don’t think-”
Rin’s unusually emotional voice abruptly cuts off. I hear her walk a few paces side to side before ending up in her original spot. She takes a long breath through clenched teeth, creating a hissing sound.
Am I finally getting through to her?
That’s what I think to myself for a few moments, but when Rin speaks again, she’s reverted to her normal, apathetic-sounding demeanor.
“Pimples aren’t as bad as people say. I fell asleep by a tree stump a while ago, and while I slept, I dreamt that I was sitting at the base of a larger tree. This one wasn’t chopped down. It told me that dreams are stored in pimples and that I shouldn’t pop them. People who spend all day popping them don’t get anything done. When I woke up, I felt lucky that I didn’t have arms: I can’t pop my pimples even if I’m tempted to.”
I think I identified... one useful sentence in there, but the rest had me wishing for us to go back to talking about silly revenge plots. At least I can disprove those.
Rather than trying to follow up on that excessively outlandish monologue, I take a stab in the dark.
“Snowflakes are lovely, aren’t they?”
I hear a rather lethargic rendition of the sound of clothes ruffling.
“I think that they are very sad.”
“Oh? Do you really think that way?”
“...I’ve thought that way a long time.”
Rin breathes in deeply. Her lungs are probably shivering in discomfort at the volume of cold air she’s intaking.
“Do you think that snowflakes want to become stars?”
I can’t decipher whether the question is rhetorical or not, so I opt to remain quiet and let her continue.
“Stars are five-sided, meaning that they have five fingers. Snowflakes are six-sided, meaning that they have an extra finger. That’s not good. That’s very not good. People with five fingers are normal, but people with six fingers are freaks...
“I don’t think that snowflakes want to be freaks, so if they broke one of their fingers off, would that make them a star...? Sometimes I feel like everyone who wants to become a star needs to break a piece of themself off...
“What would you do, Lilly? If you were born with six fingers, would you cut one of them off so that you could become a star?”
My mouth hangs wide open. I couldn’t care less if a bug flew in right now.
“Good Lord, Rin... I. Don’t. Know.”
With that dead-end thankfully reached, we’re plunged back into silence. However, Rin almost immediately breaks it.
“Cats aren’t as dirty as you think they are.”
“Pardon?”
“Cats may lay on the floor all day, but they clean themselves more than any other mammal in the world.”
Powerful gusts of wind are suddenly striking me from every angle. If this rooftop were the nightstand of some ancient phantom, I can only imagine that the phantom must be blindly flailing its arm across it—desperately searching for the 'snooze' button on its alarm clock.
The wind tugs on my scarf, threatening to dislodge it from its comfortable spot on my shoulders. In response, I grab hold of it and pull it tighter. It’s so tight that I can feel my lips being artificially pursed. My hands continue to pull on each end of the scarf, not letting up even after the wind dies back down.
“Rin, cats clean themselves with their tongues. Letting your cat ‘lick your hair’ is no substitute for a proper bath or shower, is it? I’d feel nothing less than repulsed if another animal licked me, without a doubt-”
“Is that so?”
Rin says that with more force and feeling than I’ve ever heard her speak with.
“Lilly, have you ever had a dog?”
“Why yes, I did once.”
“What was its name?”
“Niji was his name. He was a Golden Retriever.”
“Did you love him?”
“Of course, he and I were as close as could be.”
“But you never let him lick your face at any point, did you?”
Oh... Damn...
I let him lick my face quite a lot over the years...
“I did.”
That meek reply is all I can muster before it’s nothing but the biting quietness that exists between us.
I’m stunned. I’m absolutely stunned, and still reeling back from what just happened.
I wasn’t trying to lie to her.
I wasn’t trying to lie at all.
I wasn’t lying... I wasn’t lying...
I’m not a liar... I’m not a liar...
“Why didn’t you just come speak to me directly?”
Rin’s voice startles me out of my trance, causing my scarf to slide down my face by a hair.
“P-pardon?”
“I can tell that getting my measurements right was very important to you, so why didn’t you just come and ask me directly for them?
“...I-I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for you...”
Rin sighs with disappointment, and I lower my head.
Concealing the surprise might pass for an explanation on a surface level, but I think we both know that it’s not the true reason I didn’t go to her directly.
“You know, Rin... Somebody asked me something similar to what you just asked a long time ago...”
“Who?”
I stay silent for a while.
“Oh... I wonder what led her to pick those numbers specifically, then.”
Rin chortles in a stop-start manner like she has an unchewed grape stuck in her throat.
“Maybe she’s trying to enact her revenge on me for the time that I accidentally spilled hot sauce on her lunch when she wasn't looking. I tried to tell her that if she had just paced herself while eating, the spice wouldn’t have hit her all at once.”
“You think she wants revenge for something so unrelated?”
I hear the sound of clothes ruffling.
“She must have known that I wouldn’t be expecting it so close to the holidays. Ever the clever, that Ibarazaki is.”
“Well, maybe she didn’t know your measurements either and was just trying to go off of your appearance. That’s why I needed her help, after all.”
Rin says nothing in response. I think for a moment that my logic might be winning her over enough to take me seriously. That elated feeling is short-lived though, as my hopes are promptly dashed.
“Have you ever thought to yourself that the toes of cats look like little jelly beans?”
Good grief. Is it too much to ask for us to stay on topic for one minute?
Every time we speak, it feels like a treadmill materializes under my feet, and its control panel materializes under Rin’s.
“I wouldn’t exactly know what it looks like, Rin.”
Rin continues, somehow missing the obvious hint that I dropped in that last sentence.
“Well, I had a cat, and I thought that her toes looked like jelly beans. I wonder if that’s why cats lick themselves so much. Maybe their toes taste like jelly beans and their fur tastes like cotton candy. Would different colored fur and different colored toes taste differently? I thought about licking my cat and my neighbor’s cat to see if they tasted different, but I didn’t end up doing it... I was too afraid of the answer that I might have gotten.”
I don’t even try to hide my grimace from her. I think I’m doing her a social favor by clueing her into how weird she sounds right now. Maybe she’ll know now not to bring this up during a job interview.
Eager to steer the conversation back to normalcy, I backtrack a little.
“I’ve never really been around cats. I’m allergic. If I pet one for too long, my eyes water.”
“I understand how you feel. I couldn’t pet my cat either, of course, so we usually just nudged our faces together...”
That’s weird.
“...Either that or I laid down and let her clean my hair for me.”
That’s even weirder.
“Didn’t your eyes ever water, Rin?”
I hear clothes rustling.
“No, but I don’t have allergies... I think.”
“...That’s not what I meant. Cats usually get quite dirty, don’t they?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well... I’ve heard that they lay on the floor most of the day. Wouldn’t it be strange if someone like me laid on the floor all day? I think that I’d end up quite dirty by doing that habitually.”
“So...”
“If you rub your face on the cat, wouldn’t the dirt get all over your face and make your eyes water? Isn’t that how people end up getting pimples?”
“I don’t think-”
Rin’s unusually emotional voice abruptly cuts off. I hear her walk a few paces side to side before ending up in her original spot. She takes a long breath through clenched teeth, creating a hissing sound.
Am I finally getting through to her?
That’s what I think to myself for a few moments, but when Rin speaks again, she’s reverted to her normal, apathetic-sounding demeanor.
“Pimples aren’t as bad as people say. I fell asleep by a tree stump a while ago, and while I slept, I dreamt that I was sitting at the base of a larger tree. This one wasn’t chopped down. It told me that dreams are stored in pimples and that I shouldn’t pop them. People who spend all day popping them don’t get anything done. When I woke up, I felt lucky that I didn’t have arms: I can’t pop my pimples even if I’m tempted to.”
I think I identified... one useful sentence in there, but the rest had me wishing for us to go back to talking about silly revenge plots. At least I can disprove those.
Rather than trying to follow up on that excessively outlandish monologue, I take a stab in the dark.
“Snowflakes are lovely, aren’t they?”
I hear a rather lethargic rendition of the sound of clothes ruffling.
“I think that they are very sad.”
“Oh? Do you really think that way?”
“...I’ve thought that way a long time.”
Rin breathes in deeply. Her lungs are probably shivering in discomfort at the volume of cold air she’s intaking.
“Do you think that snowflakes want to become stars?”
I can’t decipher whether the question is rhetorical or not, so I opt to remain quiet and let her continue.
“Stars are five-sided, meaning that they have five fingers. Snowflakes are six-sided, meaning that they have an extra finger. That’s not good. That’s very not good. People with five fingers are normal, but people with six fingers are freaks...
“I don’t think that snowflakes want to be freaks, so if they broke one of their fingers off, would that make them a star...? Sometimes I feel like everyone who wants to become a star needs to break a piece of themself off...
“What would you do, Lilly? If you were born with six fingers, would you cut one of them off so that you could become a star?”
My mouth hangs wide open. I couldn’t care less if a bug flew in right now.
“Good Lord, Rin... I. Don’t. Know.”
With that dead-end thankfully reached, we’re plunged back into silence. However, Rin almost immediately breaks it.
“Cats aren’t as dirty as you think they are.”
“Pardon?”
“Cats may lay on the floor all day, but they clean themselves more than any other mammal in the world.”
Powerful gusts of wind are suddenly striking me from every angle. If this rooftop were the nightstand of some ancient phantom, I can only imagine that the phantom must be blindly flailing its arm across it—desperately searching for the 'snooze' button on its alarm clock.
The wind tugs on my scarf, threatening to dislodge it from its comfortable spot on my shoulders. In response, I grab hold of it and pull it tighter. It’s so tight that I can feel my lips being artificially pursed. My hands continue to pull on each end of the scarf, not letting up even after the wind dies back down.
“Rin, cats clean themselves with their tongues. Letting your cat ‘lick your hair’ is no substitute for a proper bath or shower, is it? I’d feel nothing less than repulsed if another animal licked me, without a doubt-”
“Is that so?”
Rin says that with more force and feeling than I’ve ever heard her speak with.
“Lilly, have you ever had a dog?”
“Why yes, I did once.”
“What was its name?”
“Niji was his name. He was a Golden Retriever.”
“Did you love him?”
“Of course, he and I were as close as could be.”
“But you never let him lick your face at any point, did you?”
Oh... Damn...
I let him lick my face quite a lot over the years...
“I did.”
That meek reply is all I can muster before it’s nothing but the biting quietness that exists between us.
I’m stunned. I’m absolutely stunned, and still reeling back from what just happened.
I wasn’t trying to lie to her.
I wasn’t trying to lie at all.
I wasn’t lying... I wasn’t lying...
I’m not a liar... I’m not a liar...
“Why didn’t you just come speak to me directly?”
Rin’s voice startles me out of my trance, causing my scarf to slide down my face by a hair.
“P-pardon?”
“I can tell that getting my measurements right was very important to you, so why didn’t you just come and ask me directly for them?
“...I-I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for you...”
Rin sighs with disappointment, and I lower my head.
Concealing the surprise might pass for an explanation on a surface level, but I think we both know that it’s not the true reason I didn’t go to her directly.
“You know, Rin... Somebody asked me something similar to what you just asked a long time ago...”
“Who?”
I stay silent for a while.
Last edited by Chatty Wheeler on Mon Feb 01, 2021 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars (Part 4)
I breathe in.
...
“Good morning, father! This is Lilly. I hope that you and mother are well.”
...
“It warms me to hear that. We’re doing fine here as well! Akira and I were just eating dinner; I made onigiri and noodles for the two of us.”
...
“That’s right! Akira’s been very busy with her new job, so I’ve taken over most of the cooking duties around the house. It was difficult to learn at first, but by now I know my way around the kitchen.”
...
“School has been nice. Even though it’s my first year attending Yamaku, I already feel very comfortable there. All of the students are really welcoming and kind.”
...
“I would say that the library is the highlight for me. There is a healthy selection of braille books and a decent number of audiobooks too. The librarian tells me that she hopes to see the number of audiobooks double by the time that I graduate.
...
“Yes, I admire her vitality. She’s a younger woman, I would guess in her early twenties, but she works like a windmill. After her shift at the library, she’s off to another shift elsewhere in town.”
...
“It’s funny that you should mention that... One day, she was running late for one of her other shifts, and she asked me in a hurry to take over the library for her. I guess I was the only one around to ask. She didn’t tell me when she was coming back, so I ended up staying until nighttime. Since that day, I’ve been helping out around the library quite often. I suppose you could say that I’ve become the pseudo-librarian of Yamaku Academy! Heehee~.”
...
“My, my, I was wondering when you’d bring them up. Don’t fear: my grades in each class are quite well. A couple of weeks ago, I got a perfect score on my English midterm.”
...
“Yes, thank you! My English teacher was very proud of me too.”
...
“Yes, I would say that I’m settling in just fine. My routine of classes at Yamaku, heading home, shopping for groceries, and cooking dinner is second nature by now. I hardly even need Niji around anymore for navigation, but I still like bringing him around when I have the opportunity. He’s much more lovable than a cane!”
...
“I... think that Akira is doing well at her new job. She is usually in a good mood around the house, so I can only assume everything is going fine. However, it would seem that it's somewhat difficult for her to drive me to and from school every day... We’ve even discussed having me go live in the dorms at Yamaku Academy during the school year. I don’t really know when that would be, but it might be nice. After all, it's not terribly far away from the house anyway. I could still visit Akira quite often... And speaking of visiting... That’s actually why I’m calling you today.”
...
“I was thinking... That I haven’t been with you and mother in a long while, and maybe it’d be nice to change that... That is to say, if neither of you is too busy... I wonder if it would be possible for me to come visit you during the holidays.”
...
I breathe out what feels like a liter of built-up air, but I don’t feel any less heavy. I’m stuck sitting here in my bedroom until I hear a response.
I hear footsteps slowly approach me. The tempo is metronomic in how perfectly spaced apart they are, but within moments, a new instrument joins the ensemble. It's off-tempo. It's rushing ahead of the beat. It's my heartbeat.
He halts right in front of me. I can feel the warm mist of his breath...
Then he starts licking my face.
Another liter of air comes barreling out of my chest, this time as laughter.
“Thanks, Niji. I love you, too.”
I wrap my arms around him and pull him into an embrace. His warm fur reaches into my chest and soothes my beating heart like a mother cooing her newborn to sleep.
“That one went well, didn’t it?”
I feel around for his signature cowlick, knowing that’s where his forehead is, and gently place a kiss there.
“Do you think I’m ready to call him for real?”
Incredibly, I hear a response back... but it’s not Niji’s voice that speaks.
“Lillian, you know that I’m a busy man, so if you’re going to call me, do it soon and make it quick.”
I feel my entire body tense up out of sheer embarrassment. Every square centimeter of my skin is tightening in on my body. It's much akin to how I hear boa constrictors immobilize and eventually suffocate their prey. If this sensation gets any tighter, I might burst like a balloon.
With some effort, Niji breaks free from my suddenly rigid embrace and trots over to my door.
I thought I closed that.
I hear Niji lay down with a soft thump next to the source of the voice, which by now I’ve recognized.
Come on, Lilly. Keep your head on your shoulders. Say something smart.
I swallow hard.
“Y-your impression needs some work, Akira.”
Akira laughs, reverting to her normal, gravelly voice.
“Impression? Of whom?”
She stretches out that last word long enough for it to be clear that she’s merely playing dumb. I decide to humor her to hopefully buy myself some time.
“Akira, do you think your dear father would appreciate the way you’re teasing him right now?”
“Teasing? Pffft. If he were here, he'd have been flattered by that rendition. I just wiped away fifteen years of yelling at business meetings from his larynx. Not to mention giving him the sultry voice of a dove.”
Akira proudly beats her chest, causing me to giggle.
“My, my, I didn’t know that you were so eager to flatter your way into Father’s heart. Are you trying to be Father’s little favorite?”
I say that as if there were any possibility of Akira not being Father’s favorite.
“H’yeah, and are you sure that you aren’t trying to be Mom’s little favorite with that impression you were just doing?”
“I did an impression of Mom?”
“Mm-hmm~. You sure did, and you’ve been doing so for the last hour.”
My mouth is stuck half-open—inside is a desert, outside is a blizzard. I try to think of a response jovial enough to thaw my icebound lipstick, but that doesn't seem to be possible. Even if I had Akira's wits, I'd still inevitably have to address the elephant in the room.
“My apologies, Akira. Was I being too noisy? I thought that I had closed my door.”
“Your door was closed. I opened it.”
As expected. I should’ve known that I can’t buck Akira off that easily, so why do I always find myself trying to?
Akira takes a quick breath.
“Lils, that dog is getting old, and so are you. You can’t keep practicing speeches on him for the rest of your life.”
“...I mean, I don’t exactly have many other options. It’s not like practicing this sort of thing in front of the mirror would be of much help.”
A quick laugh shoots out of Akira’s nose.
“Clever, but that’s not the point that I’m trying to make.”
“Which is...?”
I ask that purely out of courtesy and habit. Part of me wants to just cover my ears for the whole duration of whatever Akira has to say.
“Which is that not everybody in the world is like Niji... Not everybody in the world is just going to sit there, lovingly wag their tail, and then lick your anxieties away when you're done. The real world ain’t like that.”
“...Are you suggesting that I practice with you instead?”
Akira chuckles.
“I’m suggesting that you take steps outside of your bubble. They can be small steps at first, but right now, you won’t even do that much. It’s never more than a step outside before retreating back. You know, like your... thing about being allergic to cats.”
I feel my eyebrows furrow and a small groan slips out of my mouth.
“Come on, Lils. You loved them when you were a girl, but now you won’t even touch one? Saying that you’re allergic over and over again isn’t going to make it any more... any more true.”
“I’m not lying, Akira. If I pet one for too long, my eyes start to-”
“Your eyes start to water? There’s another name for that, you know...”
I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Akira’s interruption jumbles my thoughts and scatters them around like a dropped bag of marbles. As I hurriedly try to collect them, I feel myself becoming acutely conscious of the gap in clothing between Akira and me. I’m in my light pajamas, but if I know Akira, she’s probably in her nicest, proudest suit.
I don’t like the way she said that.
I immediately feel compelled to stand up, and I do so carefully—silently thanking the universe for making me tall.
“I’m not a child, Akira.”
Not even batting a vocal cord, Akira nonchalantly replies.
“You’re definitely mature for your age, but even adults can be childish.”
I remain silent, and my legs momentarily wobble. Akira presses on.
“Sometimes... a lot of times, I feel like... instead of facing the issue head-on, you tiptoe around the issue.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’ve been doing it this entire discussion.”
This discussion has been all but a one-sided lecture up until now. Desperate to find some sort of leg to stand on, I latch on to the first words that I can throw back at her.
“Well, so have you.”
This time, we’re both silenced by my words.
Those words had a lot more sting than I wanted them to have. They might have stung me more than her. It hurts. If it would mean escaping this inescapable circumstance, I'd shed my skin and float out of my body.
Akira apologetically speaks up, tethering me back to reality for the time being.
“You’re right. Sorry.”
I hear her breathe in and clear her throat.
“Lilly, what’s kept you from speaking to him directly by now?”
“Because... I need to get ready. I... You heard me, I have a lot to say to him, so I need to... practice.”
I’ve thought those words to myself enough to etch them in my brain, I’ve recited them silently more times than I can count, but after speaking them aloud for the first time... I can’t help but question if I even believe them.
Akira breathes in deeply before exhaling—every second of it tinged with melancholy. It seems like she doesn’t believe my words any more than I do.
“If that’s the case, I think we’d better back it up a bit... Would it be okay if I asked you just one question?”
I nod after a few seconds of hesitation.
“Okay, I’ll try to make it brief... Why do you think that I came here to talk to you right now?”
I ponder her question for a long time, honestly trying to formulate an answer. Eventually, after Akira catches on to how much I’m struggling, she chimes in again.
“Okay, okay... make that two questions. Why do I want you to make the call?”
Already embarrassed at striking out on Akira’s first question, I swing at the first idea thrown my way.
“You... want to go visit Mother and Father as well?”
Akira lightly laughs. The way her voice bounces sounds like an old car motor trying to start on a frost-laden morning.
“If I wanted that, then why haven’t I just called them myself, then?”
“You’re saying you don’t want to go visit them?”
“Lilly, to be honest...”
Akira lowers her voice to a near-whisper.
“...I’d rather just spend the time with my boyfriend.”
Despite the sad implications of that sentence, I still end up cracking a smile anyway. Such is the case whenever Akira makes a very Akira-like confession.
Akira apparently notices my smile and takes it as a sign to continue with a hair more chipperness in her voice.
“No, the reason I’m here, and the reason that I want you to call our father is that... I don’t really understand you sometimes.”
“Oh? Am I difficult to understand?”
“Well, you’re not an open book, I’ll be honest... But Dad... he’s a different man from a different era from a different country. In comparison to you, he’d be a book so tightly shut that you could polish gemstones between the pages.”
Akira lets out a chuckle before continuing.
“I’m not great at making clever analogies... but this one at least has a clever ending to it.”
“Which is...?”
“I’m gonna let you guess that. I’ll phrase it as a question... What do you think the key to opening that book is?”
“Father’s book?”
“Dad, Mom, me, your distant relatives, your future boss, your librarian friend who works too much, politicians, the key works on anyone’s book.”
“...Is it... honesty?”
Akira snorts.
“Cute, but try again.”
“How about compassion?”
“Ehhhhhhhh-”
“Please just tell me what it is, Akira.”
“Okay, okay! Sorry for that.”
Akira laughs, and I can’t help but smile as well.
“The key is to opening someone’s book is to think as they think.”
“...What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you can start by asking yourself questions like, ‘what would the other person want me to do if I were in their slippers.’”
“...What do you think Father would want me to do if I were in his position?”
“Easy. He’d want you to cut eighty percent of your word count.”
“Pardon?”
Akira chuckles.
“That call to him that you’ve been practicing? You need to cut straight to the chase, girl. You are spending way too much time chattering on about this and that and not enough time asking him the question that you really want to ask him... He’s a busy man. The longer you talk, the more impatient he’ll get, and the less luck you’re going to have getting him to say yes... You should start by asking him if you can visit him, not finish with it.”
“But... I can’t just start with the question. That seems rather impolite to me.”
I hear the smacking sound of Akira limply dropping her hands to her sides. She begins to smack her lips and rub the sides of her pants—both of which are telltale signs that she’s thinking.
“Yeah, that does sound like it should be impolite, but when you enter the working world, you’ll see it my way. Sometimes big business honchos like Dad want their communication to be quick and snappy. Even if it might not be comfortable for you, making your appeal more comfortable for them will go a long way in making the connection happen.”
We both remain quiet for a while as I let her words bubble throughout my blood vessels. It feels like the blood inside wants to evaporate, condense, melt, and freeze at the same time. If I were in chemistry class, I'd get extra credit for identifying that as the 'triple point'.
“I don’t... I don’t know, Akira. I don’t know about... any of this.”
I clumsily sit back down, enjoying the immediate comfort that the soft carpet provides me and my aching feet. Akira takes a few gingerly steps in my direction.
“Lilly, I love you very much. I want you to be happy, and I know that going and spending time with Mom and Dad would make you very happy...”
Akira stops in place and takes in a sharp breath before slowly letting all the air trickle back out. She takes another breath, but it would seem that whatever words she’s trying to say have frozen at the tip of her tongue. Like a rookie high diver unsure if they want to take their first plunge.
Finally, she tentatively continues.
“...which is why it pains me to hear you practice that call every year.”
...What?
“Yeah. That’s right. I know that you’ve been doing this for years. I hear you—every year—practicing a new speech with the dog, I hear you dial the numbers into your phone, and before Dad has even had the chance to pick up, you hit ‘cancel,’ and go straight to bed... It’s always, ‘Better luck next year,’ right?”
She knew that I’ve been doing this the entire time? Why didn’t she say anything about it to me before now? Does she suddenly think I can’t handle myself?
“Lilly... you’re backing yourself into a corner and you’re tossing away your chances. Each time you toss away a chance, it becomes easier to toss the next one, and the next one, and the next...”
Akira takes a breath, holds it for a few seconds, and exhales. I faintly hear a quiver at the dusk of her exhale.
“And then one day... when the years have flown by, there will come a moment when you realize that your chances are gone... because that’s when he’ll be gone too.”
...
Blank. All I can think of is blank.
“Someone had to say it-”
Before Akira can finish whispering those words, my legs jolt and I somehow find myself up on my feet. Not a moment later I hear myself urgently speaking.
“I need to go on a walk.”
I hear Akira take a few hurried steps back.
“Wha- No. We’re not done here.”
“I think that some fresh air could really do me some good, right now.”
“At this hour? Lilly, it’s dark out.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Then you know that you’ll get hypothermia if you go out there in those skimpy pajamas-”
“Akira. I need to go.”
Akira says nothing. I don’t know if she understands the words that came out of my mouth any more than I do. Maybe that’s why she has nothing to say.
I feel my feet and legs carry the rest of my body to the doorway. As I get closer, my ears notice a source of faintly shaky breathing. Akira is standing in the doorway, blocking my way out.
She’s been blocking me from leaving this entire time, hasn’t she? That’s why she never left the doorway... Did she really think I was going to run out the door crying and whimpering?
I hear my voice speak up once more.
“Please, Akira. I don’t think I can take any more today.”
...
Akira steps aside. She doesn’t exasperatedly sigh, she doesn’t mutter something profane under her breath, she just silently steps aside.
As my legs walk past her and out the door, they feel Niji’s whiskers brushing across them, one by one.
Has he been sitting there this entire time?
I think to reach down and pet him, but my arms remain firmly stuck to my sides. They won’t respond at all. Self-preservation has ripped away all but my thoughts.
It’s only a matter of time before those are lost, too.
Akira calls out to me as I’m halfway down the hall.
“I’m sorry, Lilly. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”
My legs freeze. I try to recall the words that she’s referring to, but I no longer own my mind anymore.
My ears hear my mouth speak.
“Everything will be okay.”
My ears hear Akira speak.
“I think... if you ask him if you can visit, he’d probably accept... I think there’s a good chance he’d say yes... So will you please try to call him?"
Lilly turns around until she is facing Akira.
Lilly smiles.
Lilly cries.
Lilly whimpers.
Lilly runs out the door.
...
“Good morning, father! This is Lilly. I hope that you and mother are well.”
...
“It warms me to hear that. We’re doing fine here as well! Akira and I were just eating dinner; I made onigiri and noodles for the two of us.”
...
“That’s right! Akira’s been very busy with her new job, so I’ve taken over most of the cooking duties around the house. It was difficult to learn at first, but by now I know my way around the kitchen.”
...
“School has been nice. Even though it’s my first year attending Yamaku, I already feel very comfortable there. All of the students are really welcoming and kind.”
...
“I would say that the library is the highlight for me. There is a healthy selection of braille books and a decent number of audiobooks too. The librarian tells me that she hopes to see the number of audiobooks double by the time that I graduate.
...
“Yes, I admire her vitality. She’s a younger woman, I would guess in her early twenties, but she works like a windmill. After her shift at the library, she’s off to another shift elsewhere in town.”
...
“It’s funny that you should mention that... One day, she was running late for one of her other shifts, and she asked me in a hurry to take over the library for her. I guess I was the only one around to ask. She didn’t tell me when she was coming back, so I ended up staying until nighttime. Since that day, I’ve been helping out around the library quite often. I suppose you could say that I’ve become the pseudo-librarian of Yamaku Academy! Heehee~.”
...
“My, my, I was wondering when you’d bring them up. Don’t fear: my grades in each class are quite well. A couple of weeks ago, I got a perfect score on my English midterm.”
...
“Yes, thank you! My English teacher was very proud of me too.”
...
“Yes, I would say that I’m settling in just fine. My routine of classes at Yamaku, heading home, shopping for groceries, and cooking dinner is second nature by now. I hardly even need Niji around anymore for navigation, but I still like bringing him around when I have the opportunity. He’s much more lovable than a cane!”
...
“I... think that Akira is doing well at her new job. She is usually in a good mood around the house, so I can only assume everything is going fine. However, it would seem that it's somewhat difficult for her to drive me to and from school every day... We’ve even discussed having me go live in the dorms at Yamaku Academy during the school year. I don’t really know when that would be, but it might be nice. After all, it's not terribly far away from the house anyway. I could still visit Akira quite often... And speaking of visiting... That’s actually why I’m calling you today.”
...
“I was thinking... That I haven’t been with you and mother in a long while, and maybe it’d be nice to change that... That is to say, if neither of you is too busy... I wonder if it would be possible for me to come visit you during the holidays.”
...
I breathe out what feels like a liter of built-up air, but I don’t feel any less heavy. I’m stuck sitting here in my bedroom until I hear a response.
I hear footsteps slowly approach me. The tempo is metronomic in how perfectly spaced apart they are, but within moments, a new instrument joins the ensemble. It's off-tempo. It's rushing ahead of the beat. It's my heartbeat.
He halts right in front of me. I can feel the warm mist of his breath...
Then he starts licking my face.
Another liter of air comes barreling out of my chest, this time as laughter.
“Thanks, Niji. I love you, too.”
I wrap my arms around him and pull him into an embrace. His warm fur reaches into my chest and soothes my beating heart like a mother cooing her newborn to sleep.
“That one went well, didn’t it?”
I feel around for his signature cowlick, knowing that’s where his forehead is, and gently place a kiss there.
“Do you think I’m ready to call him for real?”
Incredibly, I hear a response back... but it’s not Niji’s voice that speaks.
“Lillian, you know that I’m a busy man, so if you’re going to call me, do it soon and make it quick.”
I feel my entire body tense up out of sheer embarrassment. Every square centimeter of my skin is tightening in on my body. It's much akin to how I hear boa constrictors immobilize and eventually suffocate their prey. If this sensation gets any tighter, I might burst like a balloon.
With some effort, Niji breaks free from my suddenly rigid embrace and trots over to my door.
I thought I closed that.
I hear Niji lay down with a soft thump next to the source of the voice, which by now I’ve recognized.
Come on, Lilly. Keep your head on your shoulders. Say something smart.
I swallow hard.
“Y-your impression needs some work, Akira.”
Akira laughs, reverting to her normal, gravelly voice.
“Impression? Of whom?”
She stretches out that last word long enough for it to be clear that she’s merely playing dumb. I decide to humor her to hopefully buy myself some time.
“Akira, do you think your dear father would appreciate the way you’re teasing him right now?”
“Teasing? Pffft. If he were here, he'd have been flattered by that rendition. I just wiped away fifteen years of yelling at business meetings from his larynx. Not to mention giving him the sultry voice of a dove.”
Akira proudly beats her chest, causing me to giggle.
“My, my, I didn’t know that you were so eager to flatter your way into Father’s heart. Are you trying to be Father’s little favorite?”
I say that as if there were any possibility of Akira not being Father’s favorite.
“H’yeah, and are you sure that you aren’t trying to be Mom’s little favorite with that impression you were just doing?”
“I did an impression of Mom?”
“Mm-hmm~. You sure did, and you’ve been doing so for the last hour.”
My mouth is stuck half-open—inside is a desert, outside is a blizzard. I try to think of a response jovial enough to thaw my icebound lipstick, but that doesn't seem to be possible. Even if I had Akira's wits, I'd still inevitably have to address the elephant in the room.
“My apologies, Akira. Was I being too noisy? I thought that I had closed my door.”
“Your door was closed. I opened it.”
As expected. I should’ve known that I can’t buck Akira off that easily, so why do I always find myself trying to?
Akira takes a quick breath.
“Lils, that dog is getting old, and so are you. You can’t keep practicing speeches on him for the rest of your life.”
“...I mean, I don’t exactly have many other options. It’s not like practicing this sort of thing in front of the mirror would be of much help.”
A quick laugh shoots out of Akira’s nose.
“Clever, but that’s not the point that I’m trying to make.”
“Which is...?”
I ask that purely out of courtesy and habit. Part of me wants to just cover my ears for the whole duration of whatever Akira has to say.
“Which is that not everybody in the world is like Niji... Not everybody in the world is just going to sit there, lovingly wag their tail, and then lick your anxieties away when you're done. The real world ain’t like that.”
“...Are you suggesting that I practice with you instead?”
Akira chuckles.
“I’m suggesting that you take steps outside of your bubble. They can be small steps at first, but right now, you won’t even do that much. It’s never more than a step outside before retreating back. You know, like your... thing about being allergic to cats.”
I feel my eyebrows furrow and a small groan slips out of my mouth.
“Come on, Lils. You loved them when you were a girl, but now you won’t even touch one? Saying that you’re allergic over and over again isn’t going to make it any more... any more true.”
“I’m not lying, Akira. If I pet one for too long, my eyes start to-”
“Your eyes start to water? There’s another name for that, you know...”
I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
Akira’s interruption jumbles my thoughts and scatters them around like a dropped bag of marbles. As I hurriedly try to collect them, I feel myself becoming acutely conscious of the gap in clothing between Akira and me. I’m in my light pajamas, but if I know Akira, she’s probably in her nicest, proudest suit.
I don’t like the way she said that.
I immediately feel compelled to stand up, and I do so carefully—silently thanking the universe for making me tall.
“I’m not a child, Akira.”
Not even batting a vocal cord, Akira nonchalantly replies.
“You’re definitely mature for your age, but even adults can be childish.”
I remain silent, and my legs momentarily wobble. Akira presses on.
“Sometimes... a lot of times, I feel like... instead of facing the issue head-on, you tiptoe around the issue.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’ve been doing it this entire discussion.”
This discussion has been all but a one-sided lecture up until now. Desperate to find some sort of leg to stand on, I latch on to the first words that I can throw back at her.
“Well, so have you.”
This time, we’re both silenced by my words.
Those words had a lot more sting than I wanted them to have. They might have stung me more than her. It hurts. If it would mean escaping this inescapable circumstance, I'd shed my skin and float out of my body.
Akira apologetically speaks up, tethering me back to reality for the time being.
“You’re right. Sorry.”
I hear her breathe in and clear her throat.
“Lilly, what’s kept you from speaking to him directly by now?”
“Because... I need to get ready. I... You heard me, I have a lot to say to him, so I need to... practice.”
I’ve thought those words to myself enough to etch them in my brain, I’ve recited them silently more times than I can count, but after speaking them aloud for the first time... I can’t help but question if I even believe them.
Akira breathes in deeply before exhaling—every second of it tinged with melancholy. It seems like she doesn’t believe my words any more than I do.
“If that’s the case, I think we’d better back it up a bit... Would it be okay if I asked you just one question?”
I nod after a few seconds of hesitation.
“Okay, I’ll try to make it brief... Why do you think that I came here to talk to you right now?”
I ponder her question for a long time, honestly trying to formulate an answer. Eventually, after Akira catches on to how much I’m struggling, she chimes in again.
“Okay, okay... make that two questions. Why do I want you to make the call?”
Already embarrassed at striking out on Akira’s first question, I swing at the first idea thrown my way.
“You... want to go visit Mother and Father as well?”
Akira lightly laughs. The way her voice bounces sounds like an old car motor trying to start on a frost-laden morning.
“If I wanted that, then why haven’t I just called them myself, then?”
“You’re saying you don’t want to go visit them?”
“Lilly, to be honest...”
Akira lowers her voice to a near-whisper.
“...I’d rather just spend the time with my boyfriend.”
Despite the sad implications of that sentence, I still end up cracking a smile anyway. Such is the case whenever Akira makes a very Akira-like confession.
Akira apparently notices my smile and takes it as a sign to continue with a hair more chipperness in her voice.
“No, the reason I’m here, and the reason that I want you to call our father is that... I don’t really understand you sometimes.”
“Oh? Am I difficult to understand?”
“Well, you’re not an open book, I’ll be honest... But Dad... he’s a different man from a different era from a different country. In comparison to you, he’d be a book so tightly shut that you could polish gemstones between the pages.”
Akira lets out a chuckle before continuing.
“I’m not great at making clever analogies... but this one at least has a clever ending to it.”
“Which is...?”
“I’m gonna let you guess that. I’ll phrase it as a question... What do you think the key to opening that book is?”
“Father’s book?”
“Dad, Mom, me, your distant relatives, your future boss, your librarian friend who works too much, politicians, the key works on anyone’s book.”
“...Is it... honesty?”
Akira snorts.
“Cute, but try again.”
“How about compassion?”
“Ehhhhhhhh-”
“Please just tell me what it is, Akira.”
“Okay, okay! Sorry for that.”
Akira laughs, and I can’t help but smile as well.
“The key is to opening someone’s book is to think as they think.”
“...What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you can start by asking yourself questions like, ‘what would the other person want me to do if I were in their slippers.’”
“...What do you think Father would want me to do if I were in his position?”
“Easy. He’d want you to cut eighty percent of your word count.”
“Pardon?”
Akira chuckles.
“That call to him that you’ve been practicing? You need to cut straight to the chase, girl. You are spending way too much time chattering on about this and that and not enough time asking him the question that you really want to ask him... He’s a busy man. The longer you talk, the more impatient he’ll get, and the less luck you’re going to have getting him to say yes... You should start by asking him if you can visit him, not finish with it.”
“But... I can’t just start with the question. That seems rather impolite to me.”
I hear the smacking sound of Akira limply dropping her hands to her sides. She begins to smack her lips and rub the sides of her pants—both of which are telltale signs that she’s thinking.
“Yeah, that does sound like it should be impolite, but when you enter the working world, you’ll see it my way. Sometimes big business honchos like Dad want their communication to be quick and snappy. Even if it might not be comfortable for you, making your appeal more comfortable for them will go a long way in making the connection happen.”
We both remain quiet for a while as I let her words bubble throughout my blood vessels. It feels like the blood inside wants to evaporate, condense, melt, and freeze at the same time. If I were in chemistry class, I'd get extra credit for identifying that as the 'triple point'.
“I don’t... I don’t know, Akira. I don’t know about... any of this.”
I clumsily sit back down, enjoying the immediate comfort that the soft carpet provides me and my aching feet. Akira takes a few gingerly steps in my direction.
“Lilly, I love you very much. I want you to be happy, and I know that going and spending time with Mom and Dad would make you very happy...”
Akira stops in place and takes in a sharp breath before slowly letting all the air trickle back out. She takes another breath, but it would seem that whatever words she’s trying to say have frozen at the tip of her tongue. Like a rookie high diver unsure if they want to take their first plunge.
Finally, she tentatively continues.
“...which is why it pains me to hear you practice that call every year.”
...What?
“Yeah. That’s right. I know that you’ve been doing this for years. I hear you—every year—practicing a new speech with the dog, I hear you dial the numbers into your phone, and before Dad has even had the chance to pick up, you hit ‘cancel,’ and go straight to bed... It’s always, ‘Better luck next year,’ right?”
She knew that I’ve been doing this the entire time? Why didn’t she say anything about it to me before now? Does she suddenly think I can’t handle myself?
“Lilly... you’re backing yourself into a corner and you’re tossing away your chances. Each time you toss away a chance, it becomes easier to toss the next one, and the next one, and the next...”
Akira takes a breath, holds it for a few seconds, and exhales. I faintly hear a quiver at the dusk of her exhale.
“And then one day... when the years have flown by, there will come a moment when you realize that your chances are gone... because that’s when he’ll be gone too.”
...
Blank. All I can think of is blank.
“Someone had to say it-”
Before Akira can finish whispering those words, my legs jolt and I somehow find myself up on my feet. Not a moment later I hear myself urgently speaking.
“I need to go on a walk.”
I hear Akira take a few hurried steps back.
“Wha- No. We’re not done here.”
“I think that some fresh air could really do me some good, right now.”
“At this hour? Lilly, it’s dark out.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Then you know that you’ll get hypothermia if you go out there in those skimpy pajamas-”
“Akira. I need to go.”
Akira says nothing. I don’t know if she understands the words that came out of my mouth any more than I do. Maybe that’s why she has nothing to say.
I feel my feet and legs carry the rest of my body to the doorway. As I get closer, my ears notice a source of faintly shaky breathing. Akira is standing in the doorway, blocking my way out.
She’s been blocking me from leaving this entire time, hasn’t she? That’s why she never left the doorway... Did she really think I was going to run out the door crying and whimpering?
I hear my voice speak up once more.
“Please, Akira. I don’t think I can take any more today.”
...
Akira steps aside. She doesn’t exasperatedly sigh, she doesn’t mutter something profane under her breath, she just silently steps aside.
As my legs walk past her and out the door, they feel Niji’s whiskers brushing across them, one by one.
Has he been sitting there this entire time?
I think to reach down and pet him, but my arms remain firmly stuck to my sides. They won’t respond at all. Self-preservation has ripped away all but my thoughts.
It’s only a matter of time before those are lost, too.
Akira calls out to me as I’m halfway down the hall.
“I’m sorry, Lilly. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”
My legs freeze. I try to recall the words that she’s referring to, but I no longer own my mind anymore.
My ears hear my mouth speak.
“Everything will be okay.”
My ears hear Akira speak.
“I think... if you ask him if you can visit, he’d probably accept... I think there’s a good chance he’d say yes... So will you please try to call him?"
Lilly turns around until she is facing Akira.
Lilly smiles.
Lilly cries.
Lilly whimpers.
Lilly runs out the door.
Last edited by Chatty Wheeler on Tue Jan 04, 2022 1:34 am, edited 3 times in total.
-
Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars (Part 5)
I never called him.
I haven’t even thought about that conversation with Akira, much less calling my father, since that day.
My mind blocked it all out as soon as I left.
...
The whirring hum of an overhead airplane breaks me out of my daze.
I feel pins and needles as my senses return to me, one by one. It isn’t until my wits return to me that I have the alarming realization that I’ve been silent this entire time. Rin has probably been staring me down, waiting for me to answer her question.
One tingling sensation hasn’t subsided. It’s the one at my chin and lips—where my scarf rests. I’ve had my mouth buried into my scarf for the entire duration of my talk with Rin. The scarf isn’t very thick, with holes naturally existing from the process in which it was knit, but it’s probably enough to muffle my voice somewhat.
Does that mean Rin’s been having trouble understanding me this whole time? She would’ve told me if that were the case... wouldn’t she?
Not willing to take that chance any longer, I begin to lift my head. Static electricity has built up from the scarf, and it tries to keep me from shedding it. Despite the pain I feel from the shocks, the scarf is on the snowy ground in a second.
I'm left exposed and vulnerable to the cold air... and the volatile yet silent presence standing right in front of me.
‘Feel her out...’
I’ll try, Emi.
‘Think as they think...’
I’ll do my best, Akira.
...
Please let this work...
“Rin, I don’t think that snowflakes are sad at all.”
No response. Hopefully, I didn’t just freak her out.
“I mean... You could type on the keyboard much faster with that extra finger... And you could... You could...”
Gosh, this is a lot harder than I expected.
“Oh! You could play the piano really well! Yes! You could become quite the skilled pianist if you had more fingers to work with!”
Rin continues to remain silent.
Am I getting through to her at all?
“And... Well, I think...”
Come on, Lilly. Think of something.
Think.
Think.
Think!
...
Think as she thinks.
“I think that a snowflake wouldn’t even want to become a star if it was given the choice. One extra finger doesn’t make someone a freak. One extra finger doesn’t make someone any better or worse. One extra finger just means... that they’re different. There’s nothing sad about that.”
I finally hear a gasp from the other side, followed by the suddenly troubled sound of Rin’s voice.
“But children wish upon a star, they don’t wish upon a snowflake.”
“...Kids wish for snow all the time, don’t they?”
“But stars are beautiful. Nobody looks at snowflakes through a telescope.”
“...People look at snowflakes under microscopes, though. I hear that they are exceptionally beautiful.”
“But there are billions of stars in the sky.”
“...One million billion snowflakes fall on Earth each second, and contrary to popular belief, they’re not all unique. There are more out there that are compatible with each other than you’d think.”
“But... I can’t type on a keyboard, Lilly.”
It takes a few seconds for my mind to jog back to what she’s referring to.
“Oh! That? Ah-well... I thought it sounded like something you would say.”
Rin laughs. It’s not a chuckle or a snicker, it’s an honest laugh. I would guess that it’s about an octave higher than her normal speaking voice. It sounds like the gentle chirping of a bird that’s just learned to fly. It wants everybody nearby to witness it take its first flaps toward a new sky. The new sky is inherently more dangerous, but it’s infinitely more beautiful.
After a few seconds of laughter, Rin calms herself enough to speak.
“I know... I could tell, and I appreciate it.”
Those words on top of the laughter from moments ago make for a reaction that I could not have expected any less. It makes me feel... content. After all of that internal scurrying to keep up with Rin, I’m baffled at how good I feel. I don’t feel exhausted, I think I feel pride. Even though I only really finished a one-hundred-meter dash, I feel ready to take on a marathon.
I want to keep going... I want to explore this further...
“Have you ever sleepwalked before, Rin?”
“‘Sleepwalked?’”
“It’s kind of like dreaming, but instead of your mind remaining awake while your body sleeps, your mind sleeps while your body remains awake.”
“Do you need pimples for those too?”
“...I don’t think so. I used to sleepwalk as a little girl, but I’ve never had pimples... I used to have freckles, though. Maybe pimples cause people to dream and freckles cause people to sleepwalk.”
“I hope I never get freckles, then. It sounds annoying—kind of like teeth.”
“Teeth? You don’t like your teeth, Rin?”
“Eh, it’s not really my teeth that are the problem, I just don’t like them in general.”
“That’s a shame. I quite like my teeth, but I will admit that there is one thing I don’t like about teeth.”
“What is it?”
“I’m blind, of course, so when food gets stuck in my teeth, I never know that it’s in there until somebody points it out for me. It’s terribly embarrassing.”
“Heh, I think that’s a problem for everyone, Lilly. Not just blind people.”
“I suppose that’s true... You know, I’ve always wondered. If everyone got big enough cavities in their teeth, would they whistle every time they tried to hiss?”
“Woah, I’ve never thought of that. That sounds like it could be useful... but I think I’d still rather be a worm: no teeth needed.”
“Worms...That reminds me, have you ever heard of a phlebectomy?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“It’s the process of surgically removing varicose blood veins. People need to have them removed sometimes—usually from the legs. The doctor or surgeon makes an incision in the skin and pulls the entire vein out of that incision. I hear it feels like worms getting plucked out of you.”
“Me mentioning worms reminded you of that? That’s gross. Interesting, but mostly gross. Very extremely gross. I don’t want worms traveling in and out of my body.”
“My, my, I was beginning to wonder if you thought anything was gross.”
“What do you mean by that? I think lots of things are gross.”
“Yes, I suppose everyone does, but it never seems that way when you talk. You’re always so… resolutely indiscriminate with everyone. You wouldn’t sugar-coat your words for a toddler nor grovel to your executioner.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Unfortunately, not everyone would think so, but I think we need more people in the world like you...”
“...Lilly, what would happen if you had freckles and pimples?”
“Pardon?”
“What if your mind and your body were awake while you, yourself, slept?”
“If your mind and your body were awake... wouldn’t that just make you... fully awake?”
“In a way, yes, but it wouldn’t be you that was awake. It’d be something else... something else in control of your mind and body. It wouldn’t be reason, or logic, or knowledge. It would be instinct-”
“It would be self-preservation... So does that mean you know what it feels like, too?”
“To have freckles and pimples?”
“No, to feel yourself being flung away from your mind and body. You can’t see or hear. All you can do is feel emotion. You don’t know how or why you’re feeling those emotions, and you don’t know what to do with them, so all you can do is... exist with them. When you finally snap back into your body, you can’t seem to even remember what flung you away in the first place. You can’t remember anything. Just like a dream. Just like sleepwalking. I know what that feels like because I’ve been feeling that for two years.”
“I think I understand... I feel it from time to time while I’m painting. It helps me develop my ideas and calm myself in the moment, but I can’t stay in there for too long. I could never stay in there for two years straight. I need to peek out and be inspired by the world, sometimes...”
“That’s... right... That’s right, isn’t it? The world is beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yes... Lots of colors.”
“So I’ve heard. I think my favorite color is white—I’m told it’s the color of ice cream.”
“I don’t like ice cream. It’s freaky.”
“Wha- ice cream? You think ice cream is freaky, Rin?”
“Yes. My teeth hurt when I bite into it.”
“You’re supposed to lick- When you said you thought ‘lots of things’ are gross, I would never have expected ice cream to be on that list.”
“Ice cream isn’t gross, it’s just freaky. I do like the colors of ice cream, though. There are millions of available flavors to choose from, each with its own differing color. Sometimes I think people are like that...”
“They have different colors?”
“Yes.”
“...Well, what is your color, Rin?”
“My color changes depending on how I’m feeling. Sometimes I feel grey, other times I’m a bright orange, and I also feel a lot of pink during the morning. The colors tend to mix a lot too. It’s a little tiring coming up with a new name for each new mixture.”
“You name every mixture?
“How else am I going to keep track of how I’m feeling?”
“Mmm... If I may, what color are you right now?”
“I don’t know. This is a new mixture of colors. I haven’t had the chance to name it.”
“Well, let’s come up with a new name for it, shall we?”
“M’kay, what should we name it?”
“How about... ‘snow-powdered stardust?’”
“That’s a nice name...”
“Thanks.”
“Thank you.”
“Rin, what color am I right now?”
“...Almost the same color as me.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I think so.”
“...I wish that there was some way that I could see for myself.”
“Yes. That would be nice.”
“What if people could purr like cats?”
“Why would they want that?”
“Well, cats purr when they’re happy, right?”
“That’s... mostly true.”
“Yes, so... As an example, if you purred like that, I could always know when you’re happy without you having to tell me... or without me having to see your face.”
“But that’s not how purring works. Cats don’t just purr when they're happy, they also purr when they're emotional. They could be happy, sure, but they could also be scared, or hurt, or hungry.”
“Then how am I ever going to know if you’re happy or not?”
“I am happy, Lilly.”
I stop.
It feels like I haven’t taken a breath in days with how much momentum there was behind us during that conversation.
I can’t believe what she just said, yet at the same time, I don’t think she needed to say it. I already knew. I already felt it.
“Yeah... I’m happy too, Rin.”
We both stand in silence for a while. By now, I can feel that the blanket of snow has made its way further up my boots. If someone sped up the flow of time, it might appear as though Rin and I were being swallowed up by sparkling quicksand.
I step out of the quicksand.
“You asked me why I didn’t come speak to you directly about the overalls...”
Rin is silent, waiting for me to continue.
“It’s because many, many years ago, I did have a cat in my life. It ran away... It ran all the way to Europe, to the other side of the world, but before it left... it clawed out my eyes, so to speak. It left me with a lot of... feelings. Longing? Guilt? Anger? Love? I didn’t really know what they meant, and for years I thought that I’d be better off not knowing. I kept pushing it off further and further. Each time I had the chance to push it off and did it, it became easier to push it off the next time... but perhaps it was wrong of me. I think that I’ve always really wanted to go meet the cat again, but...”
The final sentence catches in my throat.
...
I’ve tripped with only ten meters left of the marathon.
...
I try to pick myself back up. Maybe I can still crawl across the finish line... But I can already feel it beginning to happen.
...
First my feet, then my legs, then my arms... self-preservation is ripping them all away, and instinct wants me to run back to my dorm room.
...
My mouth tries to speak, but I can feel my mind beginning to leave me. The only sound that my ears hear is a whimper escaping out of my lips.
...
My ears hear what must be the universe laughing at me, reveling at the sight of me beginning to descend back into my scarf mere moments after I had attempted to cast it away for good.
...
Lilly wants to cry.
...
But that’s not the real me.
...
Suddenly, the laughter fades, and the universe speaks.
“Don’t worry, Lilly. I’m going to keep the overalls.”
My mouth returns.
“Pardon?”
“I want them. They have meaning to me now.”
My arms return.
“But they don’t fit you.”
“I know.”
My legs return.
“And it wouldn’t really be much trouble to get you new ones.”
“I know.”
My toes return.
“So, why don’t you want me to get you ones that fit?”
...
“Because you are a beautiful person, and I’m sure that the cat would think so too, Lilly.”
My mind returns.
Rin...
Rin chuckles.
“...But I’m sure you hear that sort of compliment all the time.”
“No, I... don’t... Not like that.”
I laugh a little before continuing.
“It’s just... I never thought I’d hear you say something like that, Rin. Is that Shakespeare?”
Rin shrugs, or at least I hear the sound of clothes ruffling, which by now I’ve figured out means that she’s shrugging.
“No, but I thought it sounded like something you would say.”
The corners of my mouth tug upward into a smile. Then I start laughing. Then I start really laughing. I don’t think I could point to the source of my laughter, I’d need a hundred or more fingers for that. It just feels good to laugh right now. Rin is laughing too. It feels so nice.
Eventually, all we can hear are the birds and the planes passing overhead. Whereas before the scattered chirping of the birds and the constant hum of the planes were two very distinct sounds, it seems as if they’ve now melded together. It’s a rich sound—one that makes a person feel ‘snow-powdered stardust.’
“It’s time for me to go now, Lilly. Goodbye.”
I smile and give her a dainty wave as she circles around me to get to the access door.
“Goodbye, Rin. Happy holidays.”
I hear the frozen screech of the doorknob being twisted and the click of the door being opened, but before it closes, I hear Rin call out to me one last time.
“Thank you, Lilly.”
A second later, the door shuts with a clang.
...
I pull my phone out of my pocket. Even with how toasty I feel inside, the metal casing is almost paralyzingly cold.
I haven’t the slightest idea of what I’m going to say.
I punch in the numbers, hoping that I still have the order memorized correctly. As my fingers slide from button to button, the beeps become longer and longer as my nerves begin to rise.
It might be too late in the month already, but I have to do this.
I hear a click.
“Hello. Hiroyuki Satou speaking.”
I breathe in.
...
And then I breathe out.
Thank you too, Rin.
“Hello, father. This is Lilly... I wanted to speak to you today about coming to see you for the holidays.”
THE END
———————————————
Victim: BristerXD
Prompt: Lilly graciously enters a Secret Santa pool held by the girls' dorms, thinking herself to be knowledgeable about enough of the students of Yamaku to feel secure in getting anyone she gets the perfect gift. However, she is faced with the horror of having to pick a gift for the most challenging person she knows: Rin.
———————————————
Author’s Notes:
Goodness, where do I even begin...
On November 23rd of last year, BristerXD direct messaged me the following on Discord:
With all of that said, I’d like to extend my sincerest apologies to BristerXD for making him wait for so long. Brister, I know that I’m a month late, and I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that it turned out to be like that. This story went through quite a hard-fought development period. I assure you that I’ve been actively working on this piece since early December, pouring many weekends into it that I was supposed to have spent on homework. The prompt tapped into a lot of my weaknesses as my writer—mostly involving a certain armless redhead—but I’ve learned more than you could possibly know from this prompt, your advice, and your friendship, and I think that the story turned out better because of it all. I rationalized my lateness as wanting to deliver a late product over a half-baked product, but at the end of the day, it’s still late, and I’m still sorry for that. I hope that I’ll be better at keeping my stories short next time around.
Next, I’d like to express my deepest gratitude to my proofreader, MexicanPsychopath. Asking him to come on board and proofread a 11,500-word story on relatively short notice was a big ask, but he came through big time. MexicanPsychopath was responsible for catching countless instances of poor syntax, improper word choice, little continuity errors, and he was the voice of reason telling me to stop my rampant use of em-dashes. He worked quickly, professionally, and pulled multiple day-long revision sessions with me on his own accord. Mex, I can’t tell you how much I appreciated working with you. I hope we can work together again in the future. If you ever end up writing your own stories, I’m always here if you want a proofreader.
There are some additional nuggets of gratitude that I’d like to get out there, this time for the people who inspired me while writing this story!
While I had originally intended to write this story in chronological order, I soon switched over to a flashback structure that was inspired by Feurox’s Time is Dancing. If anybody wants a well-written drama, go read it, you might cry: https://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52& ... 33#p244230
Some of the imagery in this story was inspired by various stories written by NuclearStudent, most notably, Until I Rise Again. The following quote from Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars was actually a nod to Until I Rise Again:
Additionally, a few of the one-liners and jokes were inspired by various conversations that I’ve had with BristerXD and NuclearStudent. In particular, BristerXD has some sort of raging vendetta against teeth. I thought it was funny, so I decided to incorporate that sour opinion of teeth into Rin for this story. Thanks for being funnier than me, you two.
There, I’ve given you your credit, so please don’t sue me for stealing your bits.
If you are interested in the development history of this story, read on! Otherwise, thank you so much for reading my story. Please take care!
——————————
Development History:
Upfront, I’d like to say that, yes, this story contradicts the Katawa Shoujo canon quite a bit. I was fully aware of this fact while writing the story, and I thought that doing so was necessary to tell the story that I wanted to tell. Just pretend that this story takes place in its own little pocket of the Katawa Shoujo universe.
Now, aside from the snail pace at which I write, the primary reason that this story took so long to finish was because it went through a lot of rewrites. I’m not going to go over every little change—I’d be here all day if I did—but I’ll go over some of the major changes that I think are worth talking about.
When I first thought of this story, I envisioned it being told chronologically. It would start with Lilly pulling Rin’s name at the first Secret Santa meeting, and end with Lilly giving Rin the overalls. In between, Lilly would talk with Emi, Hanako, and Akira. Needless to say, I didn’t end up going with this version of the story. It was predictable, it was unoriginal, and it didn’t seem interesting to write.
Soon after, I came up with the flashback structure that would end up being used in the final story. However, things were a little different at first.
For one thing, there used to be a third flashback. This flashback would have been set before the Emi flashback and would have featured Hanako. I actually wrote a fair bit of it but ended up cutting it because it was unnecessary. It basically served the same thematic purpose as the Emi flashback, and I thought that Emi’s flashback should take priority over Hanako’s. Some of the ideas that I had for Hanako’s flashback were reworked to fit into Emi’s flashback, but most of it, indeed, was left on the cutting-room floor.
I had always planned on Akira’s flashback to being the last one when reading the story as it's presented, but it wasn’t always the first one chronologically. For a while, the idea was that Lilly would visit Hanako, Emi, Akira, and then go to see Rin on the rooftop. However, when this story became more and more about Lilly, and more and more about exploring her character flaws, I wanted to cut to the root of her shortcomings as a person. This led to me reworking Akira’s flashback and setting it a whole two years in the past.
The Akira flashback (Part 4) was by far the most difficult one to write. Even after I knew that I wanted it set two years in the past, it probably went through more rewrites than any other part of the story. In one draft, the conversation between Lilly and Akira was a lot more successful. Akira was doing a better job at getting her point across, and Lilly was a lot more receptive to the advice that Akira was giving. The flashback ended with Lilly and Akira cheerfully hugging each other, and everything seemed perfect... which was exactly the problem with this draft: it was too perfect. Lilly and Akira got along so well in this draft that it felt like the story was ending, even though the true climax of the story (Part 5) had yet to come. I rewrote the Akira flashback to be more strained and for the ending to be a lot, lot worse for Lilly, and that was the version that ended up making it into the final draft.
All of the scenes involving Rin came together surprisingly well. I found it quite difficult to think up topics for Rin and Lilly to talk about on the rooftop, but once I had enough ideas to work with, the dialogue between the two characters came to me quite naturally.
However, another problem arose while I was writing the Rin scenes: Rin didn’t really have a role in the story. While this story was always meant to take place from Lilly’s perspective and be a story primarily about Lilly, I wanted Rin to grow a little too by the end of the story. With this goal in mind, I rewrote her scenes to give her more importance. By the final draft, I felt like I had gotten to a point where Lilly’s character arc would be impossible without Rin, which was what I was hoping for.
If you’ve read this far, you have my sincerest gratitude. I hope that you found my ramblings to be interesting. I hope that you have a lovely day. Take care!
I haven’t even thought about that conversation with Akira, much less calling my father, since that day.
My mind blocked it all out as soon as I left.
...
The whirring hum of an overhead airplane breaks me out of my daze.
I feel pins and needles as my senses return to me, one by one. It isn’t until my wits return to me that I have the alarming realization that I’ve been silent this entire time. Rin has probably been staring me down, waiting for me to answer her question.
One tingling sensation hasn’t subsided. It’s the one at my chin and lips—where my scarf rests. I’ve had my mouth buried into my scarf for the entire duration of my talk with Rin. The scarf isn’t very thick, with holes naturally existing from the process in which it was knit, but it’s probably enough to muffle my voice somewhat.
Does that mean Rin’s been having trouble understanding me this whole time? She would’ve told me if that were the case... wouldn’t she?
Not willing to take that chance any longer, I begin to lift my head. Static electricity has built up from the scarf, and it tries to keep me from shedding it. Despite the pain I feel from the shocks, the scarf is on the snowy ground in a second.
I'm left exposed and vulnerable to the cold air... and the volatile yet silent presence standing right in front of me.
‘Feel her out...’
I’ll try, Emi.
‘Think as they think...’
I’ll do my best, Akira.
...
Please let this work...
“Rin, I don’t think that snowflakes are sad at all.”
No response. Hopefully, I didn’t just freak her out.
“I mean... You could type on the keyboard much faster with that extra finger... And you could... You could...”
Gosh, this is a lot harder than I expected.
“Oh! You could play the piano really well! Yes! You could become quite the skilled pianist if you had more fingers to work with!”
Rin continues to remain silent.
Am I getting through to her at all?
“And... Well, I think...”
Come on, Lilly. Think of something.
Think.
Think.
Think!
...
Think as she thinks.
“I think that a snowflake wouldn’t even want to become a star if it was given the choice. One extra finger doesn’t make someone a freak. One extra finger doesn’t make someone any better or worse. One extra finger just means... that they’re different. There’s nothing sad about that.”
I finally hear a gasp from the other side, followed by the suddenly troubled sound of Rin’s voice.
“But children wish upon a star, they don’t wish upon a snowflake.”
“...Kids wish for snow all the time, don’t they?”
“But stars are beautiful. Nobody looks at snowflakes through a telescope.”
“...People look at snowflakes under microscopes, though. I hear that they are exceptionally beautiful.”
“But there are billions of stars in the sky.”
“...One million billion snowflakes fall on Earth each second, and contrary to popular belief, they’re not all unique. There are more out there that are compatible with each other than you’d think.”
“But... I can’t type on a keyboard, Lilly.”
It takes a few seconds for my mind to jog back to what she’s referring to.
“Oh! That? Ah-well... I thought it sounded like something you would say.”
Rin laughs. It’s not a chuckle or a snicker, it’s an honest laugh. I would guess that it’s about an octave higher than her normal speaking voice. It sounds like the gentle chirping of a bird that’s just learned to fly. It wants everybody nearby to witness it take its first flaps toward a new sky. The new sky is inherently more dangerous, but it’s infinitely more beautiful.
After a few seconds of laughter, Rin calms herself enough to speak.
“I know... I could tell, and I appreciate it.”
Those words on top of the laughter from moments ago make for a reaction that I could not have expected any less. It makes me feel... content. After all of that internal scurrying to keep up with Rin, I’m baffled at how good I feel. I don’t feel exhausted, I think I feel pride. Even though I only really finished a one-hundred-meter dash, I feel ready to take on a marathon.
I want to keep going... I want to explore this further...
“Have you ever sleepwalked before, Rin?”
“‘Sleepwalked?’”
“It’s kind of like dreaming, but instead of your mind remaining awake while your body sleeps, your mind sleeps while your body remains awake.”
“Do you need pimples for those too?”
“...I don’t think so. I used to sleepwalk as a little girl, but I’ve never had pimples... I used to have freckles, though. Maybe pimples cause people to dream and freckles cause people to sleepwalk.”
“I hope I never get freckles, then. It sounds annoying—kind of like teeth.”
“Teeth? You don’t like your teeth, Rin?”
“Eh, it’s not really my teeth that are the problem, I just don’t like them in general.”
“That’s a shame. I quite like my teeth, but I will admit that there is one thing I don’t like about teeth.”
“What is it?”
“I’m blind, of course, so when food gets stuck in my teeth, I never know that it’s in there until somebody points it out for me. It’s terribly embarrassing.”
“Heh, I think that’s a problem for everyone, Lilly. Not just blind people.”
“I suppose that’s true... You know, I’ve always wondered. If everyone got big enough cavities in their teeth, would they whistle every time they tried to hiss?”
“Woah, I’ve never thought of that. That sounds like it could be useful... but I think I’d still rather be a worm: no teeth needed.”
“Worms...That reminds me, have you ever heard of a phlebectomy?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“It’s the process of surgically removing varicose blood veins. People need to have them removed sometimes—usually from the legs. The doctor or surgeon makes an incision in the skin and pulls the entire vein out of that incision. I hear it feels like worms getting plucked out of you.”
“Me mentioning worms reminded you of that? That’s gross. Interesting, but mostly gross. Very extremely gross. I don’t want worms traveling in and out of my body.”
“My, my, I was beginning to wonder if you thought anything was gross.”
“What do you mean by that? I think lots of things are gross.”
“Yes, I suppose everyone does, but it never seems that way when you talk. You’re always so… resolutely indiscriminate with everyone. You wouldn’t sugar-coat your words for a toddler nor grovel to your executioner.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Unfortunately, not everyone would think so, but I think we need more people in the world like you...”
“...Lilly, what would happen if you had freckles and pimples?”
“Pardon?”
“What if your mind and your body were awake while you, yourself, slept?”
“If your mind and your body were awake... wouldn’t that just make you... fully awake?”
“In a way, yes, but it wouldn’t be you that was awake. It’d be something else... something else in control of your mind and body. It wouldn’t be reason, or logic, or knowledge. It would be instinct-”
“It would be self-preservation... So does that mean you know what it feels like, too?”
“To have freckles and pimples?”
“No, to feel yourself being flung away from your mind and body. You can’t see or hear. All you can do is feel emotion. You don’t know how or why you’re feeling those emotions, and you don’t know what to do with them, so all you can do is... exist with them. When you finally snap back into your body, you can’t seem to even remember what flung you away in the first place. You can’t remember anything. Just like a dream. Just like sleepwalking. I know what that feels like because I’ve been feeling that for two years.”
“I think I understand... I feel it from time to time while I’m painting. It helps me develop my ideas and calm myself in the moment, but I can’t stay in there for too long. I could never stay in there for two years straight. I need to peek out and be inspired by the world, sometimes...”
“That’s... right... That’s right, isn’t it? The world is beautiful, isn’t it?”
“Yes... Lots of colors.”
“So I’ve heard. I think my favorite color is white—I’m told it’s the color of ice cream.”
“I don’t like ice cream. It’s freaky.”
“Wha- ice cream? You think ice cream is freaky, Rin?”
“Yes. My teeth hurt when I bite into it.”
“You’re supposed to lick- When you said you thought ‘lots of things’ are gross, I would never have expected ice cream to be on that list.”
“Ice cream isn’t gross, it’s just freaky. I do like the colors of ice cream, though. There are millions of available flavors to choose from, each with its own differing color. Sometimes I think people are like that...”
“They have different colors?”
“Yes.”
“...Well, what is your color, Rin?”
“My color changes depending on how I’m feeling. Sometimes I feel grey, other times I’m a bright orange, and I also feel a lot of pink during the morning. The colors tend to mix a lot too. It’s a little tiring coming up with a new name for each new mixture.”
“You name every mixture?
“How else am I going to keep track of how I’m feeling?”
“Mmm... If I may, what color are you right now?”
“I don’t know. This is a new mixture of colors. I haven’t had the chance to name it.”
“Well, let’s come up with a new name for it, shall we?”
“M’kay, what should we name it?”
“How about... ‘snow-powdered stardust?’”
“That’s a nice name...”
“Thanks.”
“Thank you.”
“Rin, what color am I right now?”
“...Almost the same color as me.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I think so.”
“...I wish that there was some way that I could see for myself.”
“Yes. That would be nice.”
“What if people could purr like cats?”
“Why would they want that?”
“Well, cats purr when they’re happy, right?”
“That’s... mostly true.”
“Yes, so... As an example, if you purred like that, I could always know when you’re happy without you having to tell me... or without me having to see your face.”
“But that’s not how purring works. Cats don’t just purr when they're happy, they also purr when they're emotional. They could be happy, sure, but they could also be scared, or hurt, or hungry.”
“Then how am I ever going to know if you’re happy or not?”
“I am happy, Lilly.”
I stop.
It feels like I haven’t taken a breath in days with how much momentum there was behind us during that conversation.
I can’t believe what she just said, yet at the same time, I don’t think she needed to say it. I already knew. I already felt it.
“Yeah... I’m happy too, Rin.”
We both stand in silence for a while. By now, I can feel that the blanket of snow has made its way further up my boots. If someone sped up the flow of time, it might appear as though Rin and I were being swallowed up by sparkling quicksand.
I step out of the quicksand.
“You asked me why I didn’t come speak to you directly about the overalls...”
Rin is silent, waiting for me to continue.
“It’s because many, many years ago, I did have a cat in my life. It ran away... It ran all the way to Europe, to the other side of the world, but before it left... it clawed out my eyes, so to speak. It left me with a lot of... feelings. Longing? Guilt? Anger? Love? I didn’t really know what they meant, and for years I thought that I’d be better off not knowing. I kept pushing it off further and further. Each time I had the chance to push it off and did it, it became easier to push it off the next time... but perhaps it was wrong of me. I think that I’ve always really wanted to go meet the cat again, but...”
The final sentence catches in my throat.
...
I’ve tripped with only ten meters left of the marathon.
...
I try to pick myself back up. Maybe I can still crawl across the finish line... But I can already feel it beginning to happen.
...
First my feet, then my legs, then my arms... self-preservation is ripping them all away, and instinct wants me to run back to my dorm room.
...
My mouth tries to speak, but I can feel my mind beginning to leave me. The only sound that my ears hear is a whimper escaping out of my lips.
...
My ears hear what must be the universe laughing at me, reveling at the sight of me beginning to descend back into my scarf mere moments after I had attempted to cast it away for good.
...
Lilly wants to cry.
...
But that’s not the real me.
...
Suddenly, the laughter fades, and the universe speaks.
“Don’t worry, Lilly. I’m going to keep the overalls.”
My mouth returns.
“Pardon?”
“I want them. They have meaning to me now.”
My arms return.
“But they don’t fit you.”
“I know.”
My legs return.
“And it wouldn’t really be much trouble to get you new ones.”
“I know.”
My toes return.
“So, why don’t you want me to get you ones that fit?”
...
“Because you are a beautiful person, and I’m sure that the cat would think so too, Lilly.”
My mind returns.
Rin...
Rin chuckles.
“...But I’m sure you hear that sort of compliment all the time.”
“No, I... don’t... Not like that.”
I laugh a little before continuing.
“It’s just... I never thought I’d hear you say something like that, Rin. Is that Shakespeare?”
Rin shrugs, or at least I hear the sound of clothes ruffling, which by now I’ve figured out means that she’s shrugging.
“No, but I thought it sounded like something you would say.”
The corners of my mouth tug upward into a smile. Then I start laughing. Then I start really laughing. I don’t think I could point to the source of my laughter, I’d need a hundred or more fingers for that. It just feels good to laugh right now. Rin is laughing too. It feels so nice.
Eventually, all we can hear are the birds and the planes passing overhead. Whereas before the scattered chirping of the birds and the constant hum of the planes were two very distinct sounds, it seems as if they’ve now melded together. It’s a rich sound—one that makes a person feel ‘snow-powdered stardust.’
“It’s time for me to go now, Lilly. Goodbye.”
I smile and give her a dainty wave as she circles around me to get to the access door.
“Goodbye, Rin. Happy holidays.”
I hear the frozen screech of the doorknob being twisted and the click of the door being opened, but before it closes, I hear Rin call out to me one last time.
“Thank you, Lilly.”
A second later, the door shuts with a clang.
...
I pull my phone out of my pocket. Even with how toasty I feel inside, the metal casing is almost paralyzingly cold.
I haven’t the slightest idea of what I’m going to say.
I punch in the numbers, hoping that I still have the order memorized correctly. As my fingers slide from button to button, the beeps become longer and longer as my nerves begin to rise.
It might be too late in the month already, but I have to do this.
I hear a click.
“Hello. Hiroyuki Satou speaking.”
I breathe in.
...
And then I breathe out.
Thank you too, Rin.
“Hello, father. This is Lilly... I wanted to speak to you today about coming to see you for the holidays.”
THE END
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Victim: BristerXD
Prompt: Lilly graciously enters a Secret Santa pool held by the girls' dorms, thinking herself to be knowledgeable about enough of the students of Yamaku to feel secure in getting anyone she gets the perfect gift. However, she is faced with the horror of having to pick a gift for the most challenging person she knows: Rin.
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Author’s Notes:
Goodness, where do I even begin...
On November 23rd of last year, BristerXD direct messaged me the following on Discord:
I laughed and messaged back the following:Also I swear to god if we get each other prompts I'm calling this f*cking thing rigged.
Four days later, and I awoke to find that BristerXD’s prompt was as good as mine. When I found out the news, I laughed and wheezed like I hadn’t done so in months. I wasn’t laughing at the difficult prompt that I had been saddled with—I actually think that it’s a really nice prompt. No, the sole reason I was laughing was because it was BristerXD. You know, my enemy turned frenemy. If I had received this prompt from anyone other than him, I would have written a 2000-word fluff piece, but since this is him, I wanted to make this story more meaningful. This is a story specifically for BristerXD.I bet we will. XD
With all of that said, I’d like to extend my sincerest apologies to BristerXD for making him wait for so long. Brister, I know that I’m a month late, and I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that it turned out to be like that. This story went through quite a hard-fought development period. I assure you that I’ve been actively working on this piece since early December, pouring many weekends into it that I was supposed to have spent on homework. The prompt tapped into a lot of my weaknesses as my writer—mostly involving a certain armless redhead—but I’ve learned more than you could possibly know from this prompt, your advice, and your friendship, and I think that the story turned out better because of it all. I rationalized my lateness as wanting to deliver a late product over a half-baked product, but at the end of the day, it’s still late, and I’m still sorry for that. I hope that I’ll be better at keeping my stories short next time around.
Next, I’d like to express my deepest gratitude to my proofreader, MexicanPsychopath. Asking him to come on board and proofread a 11,500-word story on relatively short notice was a big ask, but he came through big time. MexicanPsychopath was responsible for catching countless instances of poor syntax, improper word choice, little continuity errors, and he was the voice of reason telling me to stop my rampant use of em-dashes. He worked quickly, professionally, and pulled multiple day-long revision sessions with me on his own accord. Mex, I can’t tell you how much I appreciated working with you. I hope we can work together again in the future. If you ever end up writing your own stories, I’m always here if you want a proofreader.
There are some additional nuggets of gratitude that I’d like to get out there, this time for the people who inspired me while writing this story!
While I had originally intended to write this story in chronological order, I soon switched over to a flashback structure that was inspired by Feurox’s Time is Dancing. If anybody wants a well-written drama, go read it, you might cry: https://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52& ... 33#p244230
Some of the imagery in this story was inspired by various stories written by NuclearStudent, most notably, Until I Rise Again. The following quote from Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars was actually a nod to Until I Rise Again:
As you may be able to guess from the quote, Until I Rise Again should be given a warning for body-horror for any of those wishing to read it. It’s a great story, but don’t read it right after a meal like I did: https://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?p=244073#p244073"Me mentioning worms reminded you of that? That’s gross. Interesting, but mostly gross. Very extremely gross. I don’t want worms traveling in and out of my body."
Additionally, a few of the one-liners and jokes were inspired by various conversations that I’ve had with BristerXD and NuclearStudent. In particular, BristerXD has some sort of raging vendetta against teeth. I thought it was funny, so I decided to incorporate that sour opinion of teeth into Rin for this story. Thanks for being funnier than me, you two.
There, I’ve given you your credit, so please don’t sue me for stealing your bits.
If you are interested in the development history of this story, read on! Otherwise, thank you so much for reading my story. Please take care!
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Development History:
Upfront, I’d like to say that, yes, this story contradicts the Katawa Shoujo canon quite a bit. I was fully aware of this fact while writing the story, and I thought that doing so was necessary to tell the story that I wanted to tell. Just pretend that this story takes place in its own little pocket of the Katawa Shoujo universe.
Now, aside from the snail pace at which I write, the primary reason that this story took so long to finish was because it went through a lot of rewrites. I’m not going to go over every little change—I’d be here all day if I did—but I’ll go over some of the major changes that I think are worth talking about.
When I first thought of this story, I envisioned it being told chronologically. It would start with Lilly pulling Rin’s name at the first Secret Santa meeting, and end with Lilly giving Rin the overalls. In between, Lilly would talk with Emi, Hanako, and Akira. Needless to say, I didn’t end up going with this version of the story. It was predictable, it was unoriginal, and it didn’t seem interesting to write.
Soon after, I came up with the flashback structure that would end up being used in the final story. However, things were a little different at first.
For one thing, there used to be a third flashback. This flashback would have been set before the Emi flashback and would have featured Hanako. I actually wrote a fair bit of it but ended up cutting it because it was unnecessary. It basically served the same thematic purpose as the Emi flashback, and I thought that Emi’s flashback should take priority over Hanako’s. Some of the ideas that I had for Hanako’s flashback were reworked to fit into Emi’s flashback, but most of it, indeed, was left on the cutting-room floor.
I had always planned on Akira’s flashback to being the last one when reading the story as it's presented, but it wasn’t always the first one chronologically. For a while, the idea was that Lilly would visit Hanako, Emi, Akira, and then go to see Rin on the rooftop. However, when this story became more and more about Lilly, and more and more about exploring her character flaws, I wanted to cut to the root of her shortcomings as a person. This led to me reworking Akira’s flashback and setting it a whole two years in the past.
The Akira flashback (Part 4) was by far the most difficult one to write. Even after I knew that I wanted it set two years in the past, it probably went through more rewrites than any other part of the story. In one draft, the conversation between Lilly and Akira was a lot more successful. Akira was doing a better job at getting her point across, and Lilly was a lot more receptive to the advice that Akira was giving. The flashback ended with Lilly and Akira cheerfully hugging each other, and everything seemed perfect... which was exactly the problem with this draft: it was too perfect. Lilly and Akira got along so well in this draft that it felt like the story was ending, even though the true climax of the story (Part 5) had yet to come. I rewrote the Akira flashback to be more strained and for the ending to be a lot, lot worse for Lilly, and that was the version that ended up making it into the final draft.
All of the scenes involving Rin came together surprisingly well. I found it quite difficult to think up topics for Rin and Lilly to talk about on the rooftop, but once I had enough ideas to work with, the dialogue between the two characters came to me quite naturally.
However, another problem arose while I was writing the Rin scenes: Rin didn’t really have a role in the story. While this story was always meant to take place from Lilly’s perspective and be a story primarily about Lilly, I wanted Rin to grow a little too by the end of the story. With this goal in mind, I rewrote her scenes to give her more importance. By the final draft, I felt like I had gotten to a point where Lilly’s character arc would be impossible without Rin, which was what I was hoping for.
If you’ve read this far, you have my sincerest gratitude. I hope that you found my ramblings to be interesting. I hope that you have a lovely day. Take care!
Last edited by Chatty Wheeler on Fri Feb 05, 2021 4:57 am, edited 10 times in total.
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MexicanPsychopath
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2018 9:26 pm
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 11th, 2021 — The Learned Fool)
You know those comments on youtube videos that proudly proclaim "FIRST!" as if that were some accomplishment or something to be proud of? Yeah. That's what this is. Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your second creative KS piece! It was an honor to work as your proofreader, and I would love to do so again if you'll have me. I hope Brister enjoys what you've created here, because I sure have.
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
Is good story. Very heart-warming. But not enough cat. Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun reading this. Backwards and forwards. Backwards because when you click on the thread you get the most recent post of... five. Forwards because that's the way it should be read. I think. Rin would have conniptions. Or maybe not.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Main Index (Complete)—Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/Akira • Hideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of Suzu • Sakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
That pairing was something I didn't expected, and for a surprise, it was a really pleasant one. And the lil flashbacks you add in the story are just... well.... wholesome. Everything is at its place, nothing feels out of place. Everything is heart-warming, and the final part with Lilly talking like that to Rin was just the peak. That was a wonderful piece, wholesome, heart-warming, and I'm glad you shared this to us. It was charming, and a pleasant read from the beginning to the end. I have a thing for pieces with flashbacks, and you did an excellent work. Thanks for that, Chatty.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune
Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
That was heart warming and wonderful! (And an incredible prompt from Brister I must add!) I think you really captured the awkwardness an interaction like that would have, but the ultimately vulnerable way that people seem to become around Rin! I’m glad Time is Dancing inspired you, the structure here definitely works very well - though as Bry says, it almost doesn’t matter. Have you ever had a moment where suddenly your life is walking in the back of your head? That’s sort of what Lilly is going through here.
Also, I’m not sure I’ve read anything on the forum with a development History - its fascinating, but then, my own literary interests prescribe that kind of thing upon me anyway.
Regardless, a wonderful tale - and coupled with your first story you’ve made a fantastic debut onto the forums. Congratulations! Merry Christmas! Merry Valentine’s Day, maybe more fitting
Also, I’m not sure I’ve read anything on the forum with a development History - its fascinating, but then, my own literary interests prescribe that kind of thing upon me anyway.
Regardless, a wonderful tale - and coupled with your first story you’ve made a fantastic debut onto the forums. Congratulations! Merry Christmas! Merry Valentine’s Day, maybe more fitting
My Molly Route
Ekephrasis and Other Stories
Ekephrasis and Other Stories
- CraftyAtomI hate when people ruin perfectly good literature with literary terminology.
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NuclearStudent
- Posts: 122
- Joined: Tue Jul 09, 2019 3:05 am
- Location: chinese hyperborea with neoliberal characteristics
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
I would like to have more development histories in general - I quite like them. As I see it, post-mortems can be more interesting than living beings. While merely explaining what you meant in a story is rarely worthwhile, hearing the journey to a story is indeed worth it.
Some people prefer to keep their mysteries. Perhaps it might sometime be better that way. I know my own opinion on metastories.
Some people prefer to keep their mysteries. Perhaps it might sometime be better that way. I know my own opinion on metastories.
Feurox: it is extremely difficult to tell whether you're echoing some very interesting sentiments or if you're just attempting to be trite or funny
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Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6217
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
I'm pretty certain everybody would say the extra month was very much worth the wait!
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
Hello Mex, brythain, Razoredge, Feurox, Nuke, and Mirage,
Thank you all for giving my story a read, and thank you for taking the time to make comments on it—I've been reading them as you guys have been posting them! These last couple of weeks have been pretty busy—what with starting a new semester and all—but I finally have some time on my hands to sit down and respond to all of your comments.
Starting off, I'm really glad that this story seems to have given off the feel-good vibes that I was hoping it would. Writing this story was certainly something out of my comfort zone, and I allowed myself to be more experimental than normal, so I'm pleased that most of those experiments didn't majorly backfire—as it would seem.
With that said, I'll dive into your comments more specifically now!
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I'm glad you enjoyed the proofreading process, and I look forward to seeing what you have in store for us in the future—whether that's proofreading, comments on other works, or your own stories.
And yes, I've been somewhat intoxicated by the fact that I got your first and second post on these forums.
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All joking aside, I'm glad that you liked reading my story! I'm still a little perplexed as to how you managed to read the story backwards without totally being lost, but I'm pleased that you were still able to find enjoyment out of it. Maybe I should try reading literature backwards and see how it goes! It sort of reminds me of the movie, Memento. If it worked for that movie, then I suppose it can work for literature.
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Thank you for writing this comment, Razoredge. It sure made my day to read it.. and I also wanted to say that I've seen you posting comments on a lot of stories lately, in addition to posting your own works. I think I can speak for most of the writers here (especially the new ones, like me) that means a lot to us that you take the time to write comments on our stories. So, thank you.
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Yeah, having your life suddenly hit you is something I think that we can all relate to. Like you said, Rin is somebody who I think that you can easily become vulnerable around. Vulnerability can trigger self-reflection, and that's what I wanted to capture with Lilly in this story. After Lilly is made vulnerable by Rin (thanks in part to Rin pointing out Lilly's hypocrisy), Lilly is sent into a state of self-reflection—reopening her wound from what happened with Akira two years ago. It's through this self-reflection that Lilly is able to become objective about her situation and ultimately find a way to connect with Rin. Sometimes, allowing 'life to walk in the back of your head' can allow you to grow, even if it is painful to peel off that bandage at first.
Darn, I went off on a tangent again. Haha! Thanks for reading, Feurox. Merry Valentine's Day to you as well.
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Thanks for taking the time to read my story!
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Take care, everyone! Have a nice day.
Thank you all for giving my story a read, and thank you for taking the time to make comments on it—I've been reading them as you guys have been posting them! These last couple of weeks have been pretty busy—what with starting a new semester and all—but I finally have some time on my hands to sit down and respond to all of your comments.
Starting off, I'm really glad that this story seems to have given off the feel-good vibes that I was hoping it would. Writing this story was certainly something out of my comfort zone, and I allowed myself to be more experimental than normal, so I'm pleased that most of those experiments didn't majorly backfire—as it would seem.
With that said, I'll dive into your comments more specifically now!
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I know that we've already talked a bunch over DMs, but I feel like thanking you once more, Mex. Having a second pair of eyes on my writing really helps me, and I rely on second opinions quite a lot when making decisions, and I found all of your feedback to be exceptionally helpful. Not to mention that your comments forced me to really think deeper about what I was writing—having somebody to prompt those thoughts is a big help.MexicanPsychopath wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:59 pm Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your second creative KS piece! It was an honor to work as your proofreader, and I would love to do so again if you'll have me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the proofreading process, and I look forward to seeing what you have in store for us in the future—whether that's proofreading, comments on other works, or your own stories.
And yes, I've been somewhat intoxicated by the fact that I got your first and second post on these forums.
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I'm glad you brought that up, because I wanted to mention at some point in this post that I have talked to Brister about this story over Discord. We had a nice long voice chat about it where he said that he enjoyed the story, but didn't feel comfortable posting about it. He told me that I went above what he had in mind when he wrote his prompt, and enjoyed how I used the prompt to explore Lilly's character. He also seemed satisfied with how I wrote Rin, so I guess that I overcame my biggest obstacle—that being writing Rin convincingly!MexicanPsychopath wrote: ↑Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:59 pm I hope Brister enjoys what you've created here, because I sure have.
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I can't argue with your 'criticism'—not enough cat is a death sentence for any work of literature.
All joking aside, I'm glad that you liked reading my story! I'm still a little perplexed as to how you managed to read the story backwards without totally being lost, but I'm pleased that you were still able to find enjoyment out of it. Maybe I should try reading literature backwards and see how it goes! It sort of reminds me of the movie, Memento. If it worked for that movie, then I suppose it can work for literature.
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It seems like this story had the desired affect on you! I'm glad that you found the story to be heart-warming, and that you found the flashbacks to be effective rather than intrusive—which was a worry of mine when I first posted the story.
Thank you for writing this comment, Razoredge. It sure made my day to read it.. and I also wanted to say that I've seen you posting comments on a lot of stories lately, in addition to posting your own works. I think I can speak for most of the writers here (especially the new ones, like me) that means a lot to us that you take the time to write comments on our stories. So, thank you.
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Thank you for reading, Feurox! I'm stoked that my handling of Rin was to your liking. As I've said over and over again, I've always found her difficult to understand and difficult to get a grasp on, so when read Brister's Rin-centric prompt, it was a little scary. I enjoyed the challenge though, and I had plenty of other stories (Time is Dancing being one of them) and other authors to be inspired by to help me along the way.Feurox wrote: ↑Mon Feb 01, 2021 8:31 am That was heart warming and wonderful... I think you really captured the awkwardness an interaction like that would have, but the ultimately vulnerable way that people seem to become around Rin... Have you ever had a moment where suddenly your life is walking in the back of your head? That’s sort of what Lilly is going through here.
Yeah, having your life suddenly hit you is something I think that we can all relate to. Like you said, Rin is somebody who I think that you can easily become vulnerable around. Vulnerability can trigger self-reflection, and that's what I wanted to capture with Lilly in this story. After Lilly is made vulnerable by Rin (thanks in part to Rin pointing out Lilly's hypocrisy), Lilly is sent into a state of self-reflection—reopening her wound from what happened with Akira two years ago. It's through this self-reflection that Lilly is able to become objective about her situation and ultimately find a way to connect with Rin. Sometimes, allowing 'life to walk in the back of your head' can allow you to grow, even if it is painful to peel off that bandage at first.
Darn, I went off on a tangent again. Haha! Thanks for reading, Feurox. Merry Valentine's Day to you as well.
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I mentioned that I've been talking to Brister of DMs and voice chat quite a bit. In those conversations he told me that reading this made him happy.
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I was especially pleased to read this. Believe it or not, I was a little hesitant to write and post the development history section on this story and my last one. I was nervous that it would seem too much like me tooting my own horn, but it seems like you guys found it interesting—which is how I hoped it would come across. I think I'll keep writing development histories for all of my future stories. After all, you all know how much I like to ramble on and on when given the opportunity...NuclearStudent wrote: ↑Wed Feb 03, 2021 4:01 am I would like to have more development histories in general - I quite like them... Some people prefer to keep their mysteries.
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It's a relief to hear you say that, Mirage. I can sleep a little more soundly now...Mirage_GSM wrote: ↑Sat Feb 13, 2021 11:58 am I'm pretty certain everybody would say the extra month was very much worth the wait!
Thanks for taking the time to read my story!
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Take care, everyone! Have a nice day.
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
Not to justify myself, but, I'm more the "quiet reader" type. It's a habit I took a long time ago, and it's bad. It's bad because, when I enjoy a story, I have troubles to say I liked it. I always think that my reviews are just boring and bland, because I want to say more than "I like it", but given I have trouble to express my feelings in the good way, I always end with boring reviews for my own taste. Crafty was right to told me to act up, to show my care for other stories. Because, yeah, I do love the stories, but, if I don't tell the writer I liked his/her story, how would he/she understand that I liked it? So, yeah, I have to act up, and write things down. Because reviews, even if it's not fully litteral and ultra fancy, are always good to have for a writer. And I need to act up and show my actual care for the stories. I like them, so I need to tell it. I'm glad you liked what I told you, because I really mean it. It was a wonderful piece, and I'm pretty sure a lot of us think the same about it. I would be pleased to read something similar to this from you in the future.Chatty Wheeler wrote: ↑Sat Feb 13, 2021 1:13 pm It seems like this story had the desired affect on you! I'm glad that you found the story to be heart-warming, and that you found the flashbacks to be effective rather than intrusive—which was a worry of mine when I first posted the story.
Thank you for writing this comment, Razoredge. It sure made my day to read it.. and I also wanted to say that I've seen you posting comments on a lot of stories lately, in addition to posting your own works. I think I can speak for most of the writers here (especially the new ones, like me) that means a lot to us that you take the time to write comments on our stories. So, thank you.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune
Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
Well, I'm rather late, but this was very enjoyable to read. I'll admit I was a little lost at a few points, but learning you were writing it for BristerXD made it make a bit more sense, lol. I'm always a fan of stories that involve people being forced to confront the things they're most afraid of, and this one did that quite well with Lilly and her father. Fantastic work, both Chatty and Psycho for putting this quality piece together. Chatty, I remember you being apprehensive about writing anything yourself not all that long ago. You're far, far better than you give yourself credit for. Keep it up.
Girls: Emi=Hanako=Lilly>Shizune=Rin
Routes: Lilly=Emi>Hanako>Rin>Shizune
(Name is pronounced "Zero". Stole it from Quake, I think)
My projects here:
To Miss the Mark - An OC Pseudo-Route (Hitomi)
Rebound - A Post Lilly NE Epilogue / Iwanako Story (On Hold)
Routes: Lilly=Emi>Hanako>Rin>Shizune
(Name is pronounced "Zero". Stole it from Quake, I think)
My projects here:
To Miss the Mark - An OC Pseudo-Route (Hitomi)
Rebound - A Post Lilly NE Epilogue / Iwanako Story (On Hold)
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Chatty Wheeler
- Posts: 69
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2020 5:56 pm
- Location: Pacific Time Zone
Re: Chatty's One-Off Collection (January 31st, 2021 — Cats and Dogs, Snowflakes and Stars)
Hey there, Xeraeo! Thanks for reading my little story. I'm glad that it lived up somewhat to the brutal standards that I set for myself while writing it.
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Thanks for the post, Xeraeo. It was a lovely surprise to read this on a Saturday evening.
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Ha! I was definitely aware that that may be a possibility while I was writing it. I find it somewhat humorous that you were able to absolve me of the issue just because I was writing it for BristerXD, though! With that said, after speaking about the story with Brister, I found out that even he got lost at some spots (particularly in Part 4), so perhaps I pushed a little too far into the realm of the abstract weirdness that fascinated me while I was writing it. If I were to rewrite the story, I may have reigned in the weirdness a little bit, but I'm still standing by with the knowledge that writing this story involved a bunch of experiments, and that I knew going in that not every experiment was going to be a home run for everyone. With that said, it doesn't mean that experiments can't be a lot of fun to conduct, though!
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Yes! You summed it up very succinctly. The main goal of this story was to cut to the core of Lilly's character flaws, dissect them, explain them, and present possible ways for her to grow beyond them. I was specifically interested in the tendency that Lilly showed in the visual novel to bury her head in the sand when faced with an overwhelming situation. I saw that as her main character flaw—the one that kept her from doing anything when faced with the prospect of having to move back until Scotland until Akira basically forced Hisao into forcing her to do something. I wanted to replicate that kind of a conflict here, so that's why I introduced the father aspect of the story.
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Thank you for noticing my proofreader! He's a lurker on your story, To Miss the Mark, by the way.
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That's very, very encouraging, and I really appreciate you saying that! I've been kicking around a few ideas for possible short stories—some comedic and some dramatic. Hopefully I can get my brain into gear during summer and get something cookin'!
Thanks for the post, Xeraeo. It was a lovely surprise to read this on a Saturday evening.