Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

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WessardWite
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Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by WessardWite » Fri Mar 20, 2020 6:03 am

Since coming back to the Sendai area after college and becoming a science teacher at Yamaku, whenever I feel lost, in some respect, I’ve taken to coming to the 22nd Corner Art Exhibition. Each day, there’s another blossoming artist’s work on display. Even after all these years, I’m still no better at interpreting or understanding art than I was almost thirteen years ago when I first came here. If nothing else, though, the free wine never hurts. To my surprise, Sae looks pretty much the same as she did back then, save a wrinkle or two more.

I couldn’t even begin to find the right words to describe why I come here so often, but it’s not lost on me that the likely reason is that I’m hoping that, someday, I’ll see her again. In those countless years since she left for art school, I haven’t seen her once, and my mind somehow never fails to wander back to the same thoughts at least once a month: “What would she do in this situation?” “How would she react?” The oddity of a thirty-year-old man still constantly thinking about his “high school sweetheart” (if you could even call her that) is not lost on me by any means, and yet that doesn’t stop it from happening. Would I be able to move on if I stopped coming here? There’s a good chance I would, and yet I show no signs of stopping.

On very rare occasions, when I’m feeling particularly nostalgic, I head to the door of the atelier. Not that it does much good, as it’s locked every time, and yet, the locked door in and of itself feels like a particularly symbolic reminder to me, almost like, if I could open that door, I’d travel into the past and get the chance to undo the mistakes that lead to things turning out the way they did. In a very real sense, that door feels far more meaningful to me than any of the paintings I’ve seen here. The pang of guilt I feel every time I see it, unlike everything else, never dulls. Maybe that’s why I don’t go to it much.

One day, I arrive to find a painting in a striking style, hung in a distinct manner that sets it apart from the rest. Like the rest, it has a label next to it with an extravagant, one-word title and the name of the artist. “Estranged” by Osami Minamata. Everything about it claws at my attention so ferociously that I hardly notice Sae speaking to me.

“I figured you’d take a liking to that one,” she says to me, “it reminds you of a certain someone, doesn’t it?”

I feel a small, wistful smile creep across my face. “It sure does.”

Only half-certain that I can take the financial blow, I ask without as much hesitation as I should have, “how much does it cost?”

Sae gives a rehearsed-sounding snort, almost like she knew I’d ask.

“I don’t have permission to sell it, but if you’d like to ask the artist herself, she’s upstairs in the atelier.”

I move to decline the offer, deciding all too quickly that it’s probably not worth it, but either because she doesn’t feel the uncertainty in my voice or because she knows something I don’t, she ushers me out the door and silently invites me to follow her to the atelier. She unlocks the door and motions up the stairs, telling me to “go on,” without following me up.

As I walk up the stairs, I feel my heart rate increase a bit with each step. Faster, and faster before I suddenly feel like I need to rest, but I don’t. My chest burning with anticipation, I press on until I reach the end of the stairs. In the middle of the empty room, a lone, solitary figure stands.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” she says, immediately after she looks at me.

Her voice is different from before – more confident in what it’s saying – but I recognize her all the same. Her auburn hair, her dark green eyes, her arms, which end in stumps before they even reach the elbows.

Her features blur as my eyes well up with tears, and I find myself running hastily towards her, the only word I’m able to utter being her name:

“Rin…”



(NOTES: I think this might actually be the first fanfiction I've ever written, so I'm a touch nervous to actually put it out here, but I figured "why the hell not?" In case it needs stating, this takes place several years after Rin's neutral ending, with the intention of it being set in the modern day. I guess there could've been some definite differences in it due to all the Coronavirus shit happening, but I'll just ignore that. I may, if I decide to do so in the future, add on to it, as I intended for this to be longer when I started writing this on a whim, but I felt like this was a very natural place to end it. I understand that I'm not, by any means, an amazing writer, so feedback is definitely appreciated! Thank you for reading!)
Last edited by WessardWite on Sat Mar 21, 2020 9:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Oddball
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by Oddball » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:38 am

Right now, it's kinda hard to read.

I suggest going back to every place you started a new paragraph and leave a blank line between them. It makes for much easier reading.

Also, welcome to the wonder world of fanfiction writters.
Not Dead Yet

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WessardWite
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by WessardWite » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:26 pm

Good call. I’ll fix that. Thanks for the suggestion!

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:44 am

From a technical view there is nothing to complain about. Spelling, grammar as well as structure are very good.

From a story perspective this seems as if it would be the prologue to a longer story, but as a training piece that might be added on later it more than fulfills the job.

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WessardWite
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by WessardWite » Sun Apr 19, 2020 6:32 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:44 am
From a technical view there is nothing to complain about. Spelling, grammar as well as structure are very good.
This was something I worried about, so I’m glad I got that part down!
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:44 am
From a story perspective this seems as if it would be the prologue to a longer story, but as a training piece that might be added on later it more than fulfills the job.
I initially started writing this with the intent of it being longer, but felt that this was an okay place to end it for now. I may consider adding onto it, but looking at it, again, I’m not all too happy with it. At best, it feels mildly uninteresting. If I write more fan fiction, it will probably be something else entirely.
Mirage_GSM wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:44 am
Welcome to the forums!
I’ve been here for a while, actually. Just never posted.

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Oddball
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by Oddball » Sun Apr 26, 2020 7:06 am

Much better now. There's kind of a nice nostalgic sad feeling where Hisao is wishing for what could have been.

I think the ending lets it down though. I have no problems with Rin returning, but I don't see why she would move back in to the altier and the rushing towards her part feels like it's from a cheesy romance novel.
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WessardWite
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Re: Old Habits Die Hard (Rin Neutral Ending - Twelve Years Later)

Post by WessardWite » Tue May 19, 2020 6:59 am

Oddball wrote:
Sun Apr 26, 2020 7:06 am
Much better now. There's kind of a nice nostalgic sad feeling where Hisao is wishing for what could have been.

I think the ending lets it down though. I have no problems with Rin returning, but I don't see why she would move back in to the altier and the rushing towards her part feels like it's from a cheesy romance novel.
Sorry for my really late reply, but yeah, that was easily the biggest issue I had with it after taking another look at it. I like how the beginning turned out, but the ending attempts something that doesn’t really work. I think my next attempt at a fanfic might be with an OC I thought would really work in Katawa Shoujo’s environment.

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