Razor's One Shots & misc.

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Razoredge
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Location: Bordeaux, France

Razor's One Shots & misc.

Post by Razoredge » Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:58 am

Hi everyone.

I wanted writing some OS from a very long time. Now, I have the opportunity to do it. In this topic, you'll see some Kaori's OS and other stuff. It will take more time than my fic, because I'm focused on this piece of writing. I can drop a "long" or a short piece, everything is possible. For a piece related to Kaori, it will be something which isn't related to the present plot (events from the past, or something like that)

I hope you'll enjoy this kind of stuff too, and once again, every feedback is welcome.

- Burden
Last edited by Razoredge on Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:05 am, edited 2 times in total.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route & Razor's One Shots & misc.

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Razoredge
Posts: 81
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:31 pm
Location: Bordeaux, France

Razor's OS & misc. - Burden

Post by Razoredge » Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:02 am

Burden

I hate running. Especially when it's raining. But I can't avoid sports lessons. I don't want to be seen as a lazy girl.

It's raining a lot today. The rain, on a hot summer day, is a good thing. But, when I run, it's my worst enemy.

I never had good stamina, so I never performed well. My teacher always thought I was too slow for a 15 years old girl. But I have never paid attention to his words.

My heart rate is always too high for me when I run. But it seems normal. When you make an effort, the heart rate goes up, you can't do anything about that. I do a whole lap as a warm-up. In the second lap, the teacher asks us to run a little bit faster.

But I can't. Because I'm not able to run fast. If I try to run faster, I lose my breath. However, I have to do it. I grit my teeth, and I try to do what the teacher asks us to do.

I put on a sprint sometimes, but that's all. My heart is pounding, as usual. Some students are as slow as me. We are late but never mind. I'm thirsty. But drinking rainwater isn't a good idea. So, I have to wait. I just have two more laps to do, I can do it.

However, at the beginning of the last lap, I feel an awful pain along my arm. I fall over, as I'm trying to recover my breath, in vain.

On my knees, in a puddle, I can't say anything. I can hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. I'm afraid, but I can't cry. My whole body is frozen. I can only feel terror and pain. Someone is trying to help me, but can't do anything. A girl is screaming, but I can't hear what she's saying.

My heart suddenly stops, as it was pounding just before. I try to grab my chest with my hand, but everything seems to distort. The last thing I remember is a loud crack of thunder.

......................................................

I stayed in this hospital room for months. I never liked hospitals, I hate asepticized places. Thankfully, the nurses here are very kind. They helped me a lot with my condition.

It seems I always had a weak heart. The surgeon told me I was lucky to be able to do a lot of things without anything happening. You can't be blessed when you nearly died.

While I am wondering why the surgeon told me something like that, someone comes into the room. Somebody who wears a familiar perfume. A little touch of lime. It's Mom. Since I had my heart attack, she was there for me, such as Dad, even if he's working a lot.

I'm always happy when she's with me. She sits next to the bed and takes my hand. I can feel her anxiety just with her hand pressure. The news of my heart attack hit my parents with violence. They thought they were responsible for my disease. Of course, they weren't.

Mom mothered me a lot. I can't have hard feelings towards her. She's my mother, she only wants what is good for me.

"You're all right, sweetie?" She asks me, with a smile.

"Sometimes, it hurts, but, yeah, I'm fine." I try to reassure her.

Someone comes in while I'm talking to Mom. She notices my curious glance and tells me who's there.

"Kaori, it's just your dad."

Fucking prosopagnosia. I can't even recognize the face of my own parents. I must use stratagems to identify them when they're not talking. I feel guilty.

"Sorry, Dad... I'm happy to see you."

"Don't worry about it. Is your heart fine?" He asks me.

"As I said to Mom, sometimes it hurts, but that's fine."

"I don't know if your mother told you, but we took a decision with the surgeon." He seems to blame himself for taking a decision without me.

"About what?" I have to say, I'm intrigued.

He let Mom answering my question. She never hides me anything. My mother always tries to find the right words to tell me everything.

"We think you should go in another school. With your cardiac issue, we believe you could need medical attention in the future." Her voice is kind, as she talks slowly to me.

"Give me a minute."

She nods her head. That makes sense. If my heart is weak, I could have a new heart attack. And I want to avoid this thing at all costs. I never felt a pain like that before. It was awful, the worst pain I ever experienced. I have to admit that I was scared to death.

I try to weight up the pros and cons, and I must realize that they're right. I'm not thrilled about it, my mind wants to protest, but they're right. I'm diseased, and I must accept this state of affairs.

"When did you took this decision?"

"Two weeks ago." My mother is always honest with me.

"Well, if everyone supposes it will help me, I really don't have a choice." I sigh.

In the middle of winter, I just have to wait for the start of the new school year. I look at the scar in the middle of my chest. It will never disappear.

"Did you talk with my friends about this decision?" This is the only question I can ask about my future ex-school.

"Yes. We talked to them about that." Dad answers me with a quiet voice.

"Fine. I need to digest everything, but thanks to telling me the truth."

I try to accept everything. It's hard, but my parents are there to help me. Changes are not easy to accept. Especially when it changes your way of life.

They tell me a lot of insignificant things. It helps me to clean my mind. Then, a few minutes later, they have to leave. The surgeon told me that in a few weeks, I'll finally be able to go back home. I'll need to take pills for life, but it's for my sake.

It's snowing outside. When I was young, I loved playing in the snow. But now, I'm stuck in this room. All I can do in the whole day is watching the TV and read some books. Nothing else.

I never chose to be here. I want to come back home, but they need to keep me there a few more weeks. I need to be patient, and everything will be fine. A new school... It's a bitter pill to swallow, but they're right. I need it. I can die of a heart attack if I don't take my medicines or if I make a violent effort.

I need a little period of adaptation. I have a second chance, and my life isn't over yet. I just have to see what my life will look like there.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route & Razor's One Shots & misc.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Razor's One Shots & misc.

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:59 am

So, one thing I always complain about in cases like this is when people heap several unrelated disabilities on the same person. Yes, it does happen in real life, but it always feels forced in fiction.

Some other things are a bit hard to believe as well, e.g. why should her parents discuss the decision to send her to another school with her friends first before telling her? Why would they wait two weeks to tell her, and why did she even assume they had taken the decision earlier to the point that this is the first question out of her mouth?
If someone came to me with news like that, my first question would be What school? Where? When? Maybe even whether or not they have single bedrooms; certainly not "How long have you been keeping that from me?" A question like that implies a deep mistrust, and from the rest of the narration that's obviously not the case.

Finally some oddities in grammar and dialogue, like:
"When did you took this decision?"
or
"if everyone supposes it will help me"
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Razoredge
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Location: Bordeaux, France

Re: Razor's One Shots & misc.

Post by Razoredge » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:09 pm

First at all, thanks for the message. I'm aware this piece has some shortcomings, if it's required, I can rewrite it.
In my mind, their relation is based on mutual trust. So, in fact, her mother will tell her everything, but it can take some time.
As I say, if it's required, because of the shortcomings, I can rewrite it, I wouldn't mind. But thanks for the advice and for your honest review, I appreciate honesty.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route & Razor's One Shots & misc.

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