The Annotated Bromont

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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Tue May 24, 2011 4:44 pm

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WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU-

THE COURAGE: THE COWARDLY CRIPPLE SHOW, STARRING HISAO, THE COWARDLY CRIPPLE!

A HEART SO RACIST IT'S A HATE CRIME, HE WAS FOUND BY YAMFUCKU HIGH, WHO'S LOCATION IS THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, WITH IT'S STUDENTS, A BUNCH OF DISABLED SCHOOL GIRLS-

BUT CREEPY STUFF HAPPENS IN NOWHERE...

IT'S UP TO HISAO TO SAVE HIS NEW SCHOOL-

The TV shuts off and very angry Shizune turns to you in her student council chair.

"...!", she signs furiously.

"STUPID HIICHAN! YOU MADE ME LOOK BAD!", Misha translated from afar.

Shizune pulls out the scariest mask you've ever seen and puts it on.

"...!"

"OOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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"H-Hello?", you ask as you creak open the door and walk into the Nurse's Office.

"Yes... Yes... I'm coming...", a strangely apathetic sounding male voice rings out.

A man wearing a black lab coat with dark red stains comes out from the back, carrying a box full of medication in front of him so it shields the top half of his body. His long black hair swings around as if it were trying to free itself from his scalp.

He places the box on the wall opposite of you, and begins to open and unpack the contents.

"You're Mr. Necktie... Would that be... correct?", the Nurse's Aid speaks in a calm but somehow sorrowful voice while turning his back to you.

Huh? He doesn't seem too... weird.

You nod your head in impulse in confirmation despite him not being able to see you doing it.

"You'll have to speak up... I can heartly hear you", he remarks in a deafly depressing tone.

"Uh... So, what did you want to see me about?", you ask while scratching your hair.

"What did I want to see you about...? Heartly a social visit... Never quite is... I'm here to help you medically, that's what Nurses do...", he explains in a still depressed voice.

...What's this guy's problem?

He turns around to face you and continue his speech-

"OOOOOHHHH!", you OOOOHHH in shock.

The man's dark purple pupils are shaped like hearts!? T-THE CORNER OF HIS LIPS CURL AROUND AND FORM A HEART AS WELL!!!

How is that possible!?-

"So I heard you had a problem with your heart.. Arrhythmia and the like..."

"UH...UH...UHH...", you begin to shake as you figure out a way to answer that without drawing attention to his weird shaped pupils.

"I once had a problem with MY heart too", he explains in a deep voice while nonchalantly begins to set out surgery tools on the counter next to him.

"Y-You did?"

"I did... So I took it out."

The man takes out a still beating human heart from his pocket and squeezes it in front of your face.

"...It was HEARTly worth having..."



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You high tail it to the computer room and find a computer that's still on-

"I... AM... BEING STALKED... BY... A.. CRAZY NURSE... WHO... WANTS... MY... HEART... HELP HELP HELP!", you type frantically onto the computer.

"...Processing...", a lethargic sounding voice comes from the speakers.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"....Avast Virus Database has been updated"

"WHAT DO I DO!?", you yell while shaking the computer monitor violently.

"OKAY! OKAY! No need to act like a savage, you twit. So a Nurse is after your heart, that should be a good thing. You're young and virile, she's probably open to a lot of things depending on her particular age group-"

"THE...NURSE..IS...A....MAN!"

"Oh... Well... As long as you have an open mind-"

"HE...WANTS...TO...CUT OUT... MY...HEART!"

"Oh, well, that's different", the computer rings out in a uninterested voice.

"...", you tap your foot and cross your arms.

"Well, have you tried telling him that you DON'T want to have your heart removed, you nissy?"

"HE..DOESN'T...SEEM...TO BE.. IN.. A...RATIONAL-"

"Have you tried calling the cops?"

"...Uh..."

"You really ARE a twit"

You take out your cell phone and ring up the police, wasting precious minutes you could've saved for drunk ex-girlfriend dialing later.

"911 Operator speaking, what appears to be the emergency?"

"HELP! THIS CRAZY HEART STEALING NIGGA IS TRYING TO CUT OUT MY HEART AND HE WALKS ON WALLS WITH SPIDERS"

"...This is Hisao Necktie, isn't it?"

"...Hi, Betty..."

"Next time you call, I'm reporting"

The operator hangs up.

...

"OOOOOOH! WHAT...ELSE...CAN...I...DO!?", you type into the computer again.

"Well, how about calling for help or finding a weapon? Personally, I couldn't care less if you have your organs harvested on the black market, you twit", the computer computes.

"...", you type in one of the spam sites you can't exit out of into the URL bar.

"W-What are you doing?", the computer responds.

"Good luck Control-Alt-Deleting yourself", you remark as you leave the room with Meatspin playing.

"EW... EW...! GROSS! SOMEBODY? ANYBODY!? I HATE DEAD OR ALIVE!", the computer hopelessly screams out.



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You use this time to crawl outside the entrance in the back-

!

You come out inside the Nurse's office from a ventilation entrance.

...But it's night outside.

Just how long were you out?

You run outside only to encounter millions of spiders crawling around the school grounds, hundreds of webbed cocoons littering the area.

"OH NO...", you blurt out as you realize they're full of other students.

!

The burned nurse walks out of the Nurse's office with charred eyebrows and reddened eyes.

"I really wish you hadn't done that"



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Hanako's face peeks out from within the cocoon and crawls out.

"H-HISAO!?", she yelps out, glad to see a familiar face.

"HANAKO... THE SPIDERS..."

T-They scare me..."

"NO HANAKO... THE SPIDERS... THEY..."

"They... Wh-What?"

"THEY TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE"

Withing minutes, the cocoons, the spiders, the webbing around the school was raped, humiliated, and devoured by Hanako and Hanako alone.

"YES!", you shout out in happiness.

"NOOO! NOOOOOOO!", you hear the spider queen's voice yell out as she emerges from the school's entrance.

She sees the carnage around her, her children being eaten by a burn scarred girl, and her husband/boyfriend/creepy fetish friend standing by the hallway steaming.

"W-WHAT DID YOU DO!?", she screams out.

"Simple, I gave Hanako the chocolate", you flip out a pair of shades and slip them on...

...Only to fall apart as if they were horizontally sliced.

"AH, Saw from before probably did that"

"Y-YOU... FREAKS! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'LL BE BACK! YOU HEAR ME!? I'LL BE BAAAAAACK!", she screams out as she takes a hold of the crazy heart nurse.
<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Tue May 24, 2011 4:46 pm

Also, for no particular reason:
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<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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ContinualNaba
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by ContinualNaba » Wed May 25, 2011 8:32 pm

These are fantastic.
[19:33] <!Suriko> i think i could go my whole life without putting my mouth on someone's ass voluntarily

[12:46] == climatic was kicked from #katawa-shoujo by climatic [climatic]
[12:46] <+ContinualNaba> wut
[12:46] <%VCR> wut
[12:47] <+Juno> Qué

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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Mon May 30, 2011 2:23 pm

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"I envy you, Hanako. I lost the ability to fear after I finished off the Joestar bloodline~"

"Wha...?", Hanako's head tilts in perplexion.

"Do you know anything about blowjobs? Or Handjobs?"

"No... T...That's part of the reason why I'm here...", Hanako embarrassingly adds.

"Good! Me neither, we're on an even playing field"

Hanako looks at you with a shocked expression.

"Anyway, let's go inside and say 'Hi' to Rin, shall we?", you say while unbuttoning your blouse.
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"Who's that, Misao?"

"That's Hanako, she's Lilly's friend, and a closet sluuu~uut"

"I-I AM NOT!", Hanako shouts.
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"Do y-you have a condom?"

"Pfffft, no. But I have your sock!", you explain as you position yourself on top of Rin.

"D-Don't fuck my sock!", Hanako pleads.

"I'M FUCKING YOUR SOCK!"
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...Hanako's walking around making a lewd noise in her shoe.

"You didn't have to put the cock sock back on, you know"

"I-I know..."

You fluffle Hanako's hair.

"Well, now that you're a woman, let's go grab a burger"
<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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kulkukan
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by kulkukan » Mon May 30, 2011 9:30 pm

oh god yes. more is needed to quench my hunger!

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ContinualNaba
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by ContinualNaba » Mon May 30, 2011 9:35 pm

Good god, Misao confuses me.
[19:33] <!Suriko> i think i could go my whole life without putting my mouth on someone's ass voluntarily

[12:46] == climatic was kicked from #katawa-shoujo by climatic [climatic]
[12:46] <+ContinualNaba> wut
[12:46] <%VCR> wut
[12:47] <+Juno> Qué

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PasterOfMuppets
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by PasterOfMuppets » Sat Jun 04, 2011 1:20 am

This entire thread confuses me...
Good joke... Everybody laugh... Roll on snare drum... Curtains...

Hanako = Shizune = Lilly = Rin > Kenji > Placeholder > Emi

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neumanproductions
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by neumanproductions » Sat Jun 04, 2011 2:16 pm

I really have nothing clever to say to the entity that is Bromont.
and of course Gainare's depictions which only add to the pleasure of reading these.
Rin=Hanako>Emi>Misha>Lilly>Shizune (Misha counts in my world alright; and now she surpassed Lilly)
Fanfic series entitled... A Day in the Life of [character name here] (updated 6/8/10)
Random writings and Crossover... New stuff of Neuman (updated 5/6/11)
It's time to Duel... KS Yugioh Deck (updated 3/16/11)

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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:50 pm

The inevitable monstergirl/KS mashup (part 1?)
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<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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UnknownFan
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by UnknownFan » Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:11 pm

Some of these are pretty hit or miss, like the threads themselves, but the ones that are good, are reaaaallly good.

Thanks for these.

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Shades of gray
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by Shades of gray » Sun Jun 05, 2011 12:22 am

wasnt it hachi and not emi that stamped on his foot?
2 kidneys for sale, slightly used, non-functional, no refunds.
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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Sun Jun 05, 2011 4:06 pm

20 minute turnarounds do not leave a lot of time for reading the posts closely.

Also in the general spirit of Bromontism, funny > accuracy anyway.
<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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neumanproductions
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by neumanproductions » Sun Jun 05, 2011 10:49 pm

gainare_tottori wrote: funny > accuracy anyway.
Got that right.
Rin=Hanako>Emi>Misha>Lilly>Shizune (Misha counts in my world alright; and now she surpassed Lilly)
Fanfic series entitled... A Day in the Life of [character name here] (updated 6/8/10)
Random writings and Crossover... New stuff of Neuman (updated 5/6/11)
It's time to Duel... KS Yugioh Deck (updated 3/16/11)

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Shades of gray
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Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2010 8:12 pm
Location: Those two eyes under that rock, yeah, the ones watching you? Thats me...

Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by Shades of gray » Mon Jun 06, 2011 12:02 am

gainare_tottori wrote: Also in the general spirit of Bromontism, funny > accuracy anyway.
point 120% conceded, pity the last thread(s) were cut short... due to too many posts and Bromont being tired I expect
2 kidneys for sale, slightly used, non-functional, no refunds.
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gainare_tottori
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Re: The Annotated Bromont

Post by gainare_tottori » Tue Jun 07, 2011 5:02 pm

A oneshot from an archive thread:
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Submitted without comment:
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<Doomfest> Oh god what is art
<Juno> Baby don't hurt me
<duanemoody> don't hurt me
<Juno> No moe

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