Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

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Macken Park Ideas
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Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:06 am

I had this idea for a sequel of Katawa Shojo where you play as Kenji (or another Katawa Shojo character not part of the main cast for once) and he graduated Yamaku Academy only to get lasik surgery on his eyes and learn that he is mentally unstable and should go to the "Black" dorm in Greythorn International University (or not).

Here are sort of the main characters (Click on the first link first and then click on any link in the description box to see how I portray them and then critique them here.)

http://www.storm-artists.net/view/121131

Here are also more drawings of the characters I've made so far:
http://www.storm-artists.net/view/121132/
http://www.storm-artists.net/view/121133/

I had an idea for what their dorms will be like as well. The "Black" dorm are for delinquents and mentally insane people and the "White" dorm are for children of philanthropists as well as immigrants who want to start a new life in America. There is also a special class for adventure loving rich kids called the "Snow White class" where they basically go camping out in the forest nearby. They tend to wear outdoor clothes everyday so that way it isn't a big deal if you get them dirty. Don't know if the "Black" dorm has their version of it yet in my mind, but you can think one up if you like.

No one has to like it, but I was just wondering if anyone at least has any comments on it.

EDIT: Thank Lothbrok for correctiny my mistake of putting it in the fanfiction panel. Admins, please delete the Black Lace topic in the Fanfiction part of the forum. Thank you.

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Demonhornz
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:37 am

Are you just hammering out your ideas or do you have a plan? Do you have any mirror locations to this site you picked out as the setting? There'll have to be a lot of research done either way.

Macken Park Ideas
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:37 am

Demonhornz wrote:Are you just hammering out your ideas or do you have a plan? Do you have any mirror locations to this site you picked out as the setting? There'll have to be a lot of research done either way.
It might be the former.

However, I was picturing the school to be somewhere in Northern Vermont. If you have better ideas, please discuss them here.

Why did I pick Vermont? Well... I will admit, I already picked the school to be in America, only regretting it seeing I enjoyed a trip I made to the East Coast of Canada. I'm American, so I'm stuck on whether or not to make it a direct sequel to Katawa Shojo and/or having it be more subtle.

From what I see it, Vermont is more than just snowy mountains...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vergennes,_Vermont It can really look like this.

I also had an idea your pen-pal can be Hisao (or not, since really I probably would make it too much like the original...), and the character you pick also affects who Hisao picks as well.
Roster?

Bernadette - Hanako
Lumiere - Hanako

Reason: They're pretty much twins, so they probably will know the same gossip you may tell them. Lumiere already is a timid guy as well. This may influence Hisao to go after Hanako if you are able to befriend him.

Laura - Shizune

Reason: Laura already is a sort of authority on the school, a lot like Shizune. Although color-blindness is different from deafness so I may try to find a better choice for Hisao.

Carmen - Lilly

Reason: Carmen is stuck with choices too. Unlike Rin though, she's part of the student council a lot like Misha. Her choice is whether or not she should leave the student council to do what she really wants to do. Lilly has the choice on whether or not to leave Japan for good.

Carlito - Emi

Reason: Both characters are pretty cheery characters. Difference is, Carlito is more of an animal person, while Emi is more interested in physical education. So I may find a different character for this.

Alice - Act 1 Bad End

Reason: Although, when she's on her pills, she is much like Lilly, she's still an unpredictable person otherwise. It makes you think on your toes after learning you can no longer take advice from Hisao. This possibly can make this a pretty interesting difficulty for this part of a visual novel.

Antonio - Rin

Reason: Both characters are pretty good. Antonio though is supposed to be super depressive and think on why he is stereotyped as a playboy, even though in reality, he is antisocial and is particularly a very gothic kid. He would think a lot like Rin if he were in her shoes.

Macken Park Ideas
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:07 pm

Ending Ideas:

Now this is pretty harsh, even for me. These are what I came up with while doing some cleaning.

Alice

BAD ENDING:
Alice may think you don't actually like her so tries to replace your heart with a heart she made herself. You are actually dead. This is when she isn't on her pills.

GOOD ENDING:
Alice actually saves your life after one of the delinquents at the school tries to murder you. She actually acknowledges she hasn't taken her pills and has a freak out. You comfort her instead.

Carlito

BAD ENDING:
Carlito commits suicide after Laura badmouths him in front of you. Upset you didn't defend him, his suicide note declares he hates you.

GOOD ENDING:
Carmen's birthday is coming up and you help Carlito buy her a gift. He explains even though you may not like him romantically in return, he's glad to be friends with you.

Carmen

BAD ENDING:
After saving the school from a demon, you walk in to see Carmen upset. You learn it was because Carlito was beaten to death by male classmates from your dorm. She assumes it's your fault and declares she never wanted to meet you and never wants to see you again. She gets depressed and poisons herself, saying Carlito was the only male friend she made that doesn't want to go out with her and that was why she cherished him.

GOOD ENDING:
You saved the school from a demon only to realize you forgot Carmen's birthday. Upset by your mistake, you run into her birthday party with a gift you made. A paper crane. Carmen and Carlito smile, as Carmen explains that she usually makes her birthday a surprise. She asks you out and you guys begin dating.

Bernadette

BAD ENDING:
Bernadette returns to France for good, seeing she had a bad experience in America. She wishes you the best of luck, hoping you still make friends without her.

GOOD ENDING:
You stop classmates from making French stereotype jokes in front of Bernadette. Bernadette wants to thank you, but you really can't think of anything. So Bernadette does instead. She asks you to be her boyfriend.

Lumiere

BAD ENDING:
Lumiere learns to drive, when one of his narcoleptic fits gets him in a car crash killing him. Bernadette gets mad at you for being a bad driving instructor. She returns to France for good upset at you.

GOOD ENDING:
Lumiere learns to drive, when one of his narcoleptic fits happens, you try to pullover and you only get your arms amputated by the ER. Lumiere apologizes for his mistake, and you try to comfort him with your new limbs. He smiles, saying they were gentler arms than before.

Antonio

BAD ENDING:
Antonio is begged by Laura to join the student council in your stead. The male students bug him even more, jealous of Antonio's position. Antonio takes out his insecurity on you, and you are beaten to death in his rage.

GOOD ENDING:
You finally understand what Antonio is really like, though he is confused on why you are still his friend. This is where you tell him your story for once, and you finally realize you have a lot of things common with him. You guys become good friends.

Laura

BAD ENDING: She tries to kill the demon at the school, only to fall of the roof of the building and get burned to death. You realize it was much like Frollo's Death from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, except this time, the overly religious psycho was actually a good person for once, while the demon at the school really is a demon. He kills you next, revealing the school is now Hell on Earth.

GOOD ENDING: You actually realize Laura is somewhat insane too, as demons don't really exist in this universe at all. When you tell her that, she at first hates you for it, but then realizes why you would think that in a school that isn't religious at all. Even when you do see a demon though, she learns the best way to exorcise them is to not believe in them, so the demon dies, revealing that you gave her a new belief system. You finally made her a normal girl. She's still color-blind, but she then smiles saying she may need you in the end. This is where she asks you out.

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zettovyker
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by zettovyker » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:57 am

Yknow, I really like that KS has had this kind of influence on people to motivate them to actually follow through on some projects they've been working on. I think its unique that a finished product can have this kind of effect on the community, particularly in scale of the 'budget'.

That aside, I like this twist. A bit morbid for my personal taste, but then again I loved Higurashi to... *shiver* bloody little bits. My question is if you're going to follow the Katawa Shoujo arc choices for each character? Cause it would get pretty lengthy and complicated if you choose your play character and then get story choices for each individual. Last note is that you also don't necessarily need Kenji for a main character unless you really wanted to keep ties to Yamaku high in there, I think the story premises alone could be fun to read and go through.
That awesome moment when you stay true to yourself and people are okay with you.

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:23 pm

zettovyker wrote:Yknow, I really like that KS has had this kind of influence on people to motivate them to actually follow through on some projects they've been working on. I think its unique that a finished product can have this kind of effect on the community, particularly in scale of the 'budget'.

That aside, I like this twist. A bit morbid for my personal taste, but then again I loved Higurashi to... *shiver* bloody little bits. My question is if you're going to follow the Katawa Shoujo arc choices for each character? Cause it would get pretty lengthy and complicated if you choose your play character and then get story choices for each individual. Last note is that you also don't necessarily need Kenji for a main character unless you really wanted to keep ties to Yamaku high in there, I think the story premises alone could be fun to read and go through.
Thanks for the advice. I think though the choices in Katawa Shojo will only get mentioned once you get a second letter from Hisao in the act of a character's choice.

Yeah, I thought of Kenji because of the keeping ties with Yamaku High. But I already set up an idea on how the story was going to begin, which was an explanation on why you are going to Greythorn Academy. If anyone wants to make a male character instead that came from Yamaku High, please comment here.

I like Higurashi too. Truth is, if I knew I was going to make a game for mature audiences like this one, if I'm not gonna draw out the *ahem*porn*cough* in the story, might as well make [most of] the bad endings as bloody as all get out. I could ask my boyfriend if he can set up a good visual novel script for it as well, seeing I'm not as good at programming as he is... I may also have people attempt art on the characters as well. [Carlito as Emi still makes me giggle though]. Seeing it'll be hard to separate traditional art pictures and make a consistent copy of them in different clothes. (Not only that, but I was really disappointed in how some of the characters turned out)

themocaw
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by themocaw » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:25 pm

Is there any reason why this needs to be linked to Katawa Shoujo at all? This sounds like it could be a good VN in its own right.

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:36 pm

themocaw wrote:Is there any reason why this needs to be linked to Katawa Shoujo at all? This sounds like it could be a good VN in its own right.
...True, but I want it to be obvious that Katawa Shojo was my muse for this story. If you really don't want me to use Katawa Shojo, then you can obviously help me make a better male lead than the one I had planned.

Though, then again, Grease 2 was a movie with this same exact problem. It could have been a cult classic if not for the obvious fact it was a sequel to a pretty good musical, with the same exact setting and characters related to most of the original cast in the first musical. Maybe I'll ask for help from you guys on this one. Thank you for the advice themocaw.

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by themocaw » Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:01 am

Macken Park Ideas wrote:
themocaw wrote:Is there any reason why this needs to be linked to Katawa Shoujo at all? This sounds like it could be a good VN in its own right.
...True, but I want it to be obvious that Katawa Shojo was my muse for this story. If you really don't want me to use Katawa Shojo, then you can obviously help me make a better male lead than the one I had planned.

Though, then again, Grease 2 was a movie with this same exact problem. It could have been a cult classic if not for the obvious fact it was a sequel to a pretty good musical, with the same exact setting and characters related to most of the original cast in the first musical. Maybe I'll ask for help from you guys on this one. Thank you for the advice themocaw.
You could toss in cameos and such to KS if you want to pay tribute to it. It doesn't necessarily need to use the same characters.

Anyway, I guess the question is: what is it about Kenji that makes you think he'd be a good protagonist for your story?

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Demonhornz
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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Demonhornz » Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:27 am

That's the other thing. Aren't you afraid of people complaining about how you didn't nail Kenji down right? And I think it'd be just plain hard to write for Kenji when you nor your team concieved him. So does it really have to be Kenji? Is it really not better in the long run to at least have an original main character?

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:56 pm

themocaw wrote:
Macken Park Ideas wrote:
themocaw wrote:Is there any reason why this needs to be linked to Katawa Shoujo at all? This sounds like it could be a good VN in its own right.
...True, but I want it to be obvious that Katawa Shojo was my muse for this story. If you really don't want me to use Katawa Shojo, then you can obviously help me make a better male lead than the one I had planned.

Though, then again, Grease 2 was a movie with this same exact problem. It could have been a cult classic if not for the obvious fact it was a sequel to a pretty good musical, with the same exact setting and characters related to most of the original cast in the first musical. Maybe I'll ask for help from you guys on this one. Thank you for the advice themocaw.
You could toss in cameos and such to KS if you want to pay tribute to it. It doesn't necessarily need to use the same characters.

Anyway, I guess the question is: what is it about Kenji that makes you think he'd be a good protagonist for your story?
Woah. That'll be a good idea. They will be in college so it can be pretty cool. My gripe now is, which dorm would each character be?!

I thought since he was insane, it would make sense. Plus, I'd like to see him redeem his character more and develop into a better person with his experience in the school.

However, I was going to post a better idea for a male lead (Who isn't Kenji, just an OC.)
Demonhornz wrote:That's the other thing. Aren't you afraid of people complaining about how you didn't nail Kenji down right? And I think it'd be just plain hard to write for Kenji when you nor your team concieved him. So does it really have to be Kenji? Is it really not better in the long run to at least have an original main character?
It doesn't have to be. You are right. It can be better with a male lead. The only problem is, I don't know how to develop this new main lead as well as Hisao. I know a lot of people of different kinds will play this game, and my only excuse to make him different than Hisao thus far is the fact he wears sunglasses. I really don't want another Hisao, so that's why I originally thought Kenji (who I really think is insane enough to be in the Black dorm...), but seeing no one agrees with him being a lead character, I am starting to say "PLEASE HELP: I CAN'T MAKE A MALE LEAD WORTH A DAR(M)N!" because it'll be harder to make him like me if I'm different from the usual visual novel readers. Choices will be harder to make as well.

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:01 pm

Ideas for Side Characters:

Black Dorm Friend: A white collar criminal who seems to have started at a young age as a rich boy who just did pranks all the time. Don't know what name I should give him...

Carmina Hotaru: Carlito's twin sister. Creepy enough, she's a combination of all the girls in KS disability-wise. (She has a huge scar over her right body, blind and deaf on the right side as well, and lost limbs from her right side. This was because of the incident with the oven when she was a baby provoked by the carelessness of her mother.) She's trying to get Carlito to come back home, but Carlito doesn't want to for obvious reasons (He has really bad parents).

Musica Antongiralami: Carmen's little sister. She visits the college often because Carmen's family lives nearby. She likes getting help from her sister for homework. Carmen says Carlito reminds him a lot of her. Musica also loves animals.

Marie D'lait: Bernadette and Lumiere's mother. Seen on skype calls with them. Marie is very robust for her age, and somewhat childish. She lost her husband due to a car crash, saying Lumiere's narcolepsy is hereditary. She really wants the both of them to stay in America and have a healthier life there.

Quixote Valentino: Antonio's older brother. He fits the latin lover stereotype he hates. Ironically though, he has fair skin, blonde hair and green eyes. He is a serious narcissist who obviously has nothing better to do than "tutor" his brother. He also likes hitting on his female classmates. He could possibly be the White Dorm Friend if you take Antonio's route (sort of...).

Please post more ideas for supporting characters here!

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Fri Feb 24, 2012 9:20 pm

I had some pictures set up already, but I'll let other people draw what they should look like just because...

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:40 pm

http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=5830

Question is, seeing the player is controlling the male lead... What should his color scheme be?

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Re: Black Lace (Idea finally in the right spot)

Post by Macken Park Ideas » Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:13 am

Noticed no one made these in Katawa Shojo

Harem Endings:

GOOD: Laura announces a party. You get invited and notice so are most of your friends. Unfortunately Laura gave you drinks spiked with roofie on accident. So you wake up the next morning with Alice, Lumiere, Bernadette, Carlito, Carmen, and Antonio all in your bed. You apologize for the inconvenience and the rest of the group get embarrassed. Harem anime reactions ensue.

BAD: Your Black Dorm BF announces a party. You were the only one invited. Turns out it was a trap. He poisons the drink with arsenic and you die. The BF uses your corpse for an anatomy project. You just became a dissected frog. Good job sport. Never trust white collared criminals.

I guess the bad ending would count as an Act 1 Bad Ending counterpart to Katawa Shojo. Then again, I'm thinking about rewriting some of the endings. Any better ideas?

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