Criminal girls

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Rukaroa
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Rukaroa » Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:39 pm

rabbitt773 wrote:
When I saw this thread, I was thinking of something like this. Am I just thinking wrong or is that where the idea came from? Would be interesting to see what jail wear would look like.
No I've never seen that game before. What game is it?
It's called Criminal Girls for the PSP.
Lilly>=Hanako>Rin>Shizune/Misha>Emi

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:05 pm

Ah right the name explains it. I would have used the Japanese translation but I wasn't sure what the correct translation of criminal was.

Zoram
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Zoram » Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:25 am

Cool idea! I really like how you translated the characters from disabled people, to healthy people with big issues.

Some of their backgrounds could also be left intact and re-adapted to the context. Take the Satous and the Hakamichis: both wealthy families, both already dysfunctional as we know them. Lilly and Shizune could be their black sheep. In the case of Lilly, the idea of her joining a street gang at age 13 is coherent with her parents leaving her and Akira in Japan when she was 12 - one can imagine that, in this AU, they weren't very present in her life to begin with, even before leaving.

Except the "racist rally", all ideas for Shizune could work: her leader tendencies would reach unhealthy levels here, bringing her to think all is "legit" for her goals (I can totally see her behind gambling in school, or stealing and selling school supplies), until the incident where someone is seriously injured - it wouldn't be needed to be a permanent injuri however, IMO: it would be excessively dramatic and I think shizune would feel guilty enough already.

I was imagining Akira here. Some years prior, she didn't object about Lilly joining her gang, also as a way to protect her; she had her own big issues. However, after some bad incident (like, a mix of alcohol and drugs that almost killed her), she decided it was time to go straight, went through rehab and started to work for the family business. She hasn't managed, however, to bring Lilly back from the hole she put herself into, and would feel very guilty about this.

My idea for a backstory for Hisao...
He was already quite turbulent, but not in a criminal way. However, he ended up joining some gang (maybe just for the thrill), and in a fight with another gang, he seriously injured a boy. Like his fellow gang members, he escaped, although he felt very guilty about this; he only knew that the boy was hospitalized. Soon after, he received the famous letter, and went to meet Iwanako. He didn't know that the boy he injured was her brother, who had described his injurer to her: the letter was a trap to meet him alone in an isolated place. Iwanako stabbed Hisao in the chest with a knife, and he fell; seeing the snow turning red, Iwanako realized with horror what she had just done and screamed to call for help. Luckily, she missed the heart, but Hisao has now a scar where the knife hit. Iwanako was arrested but, obviously, the entire story around the event came out, so Hisao was criminally charged as well, and sent to Yamaku.

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TheKingOfFacade
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by TheKingOfFacade » Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:58 am

Zoram wrote:I was imagining Akira here. Some years prior, she didn't object about Lilly joining her gang, also as a way to protect her; she had her own big issues. However, after some bad incident (like, a mix of alcohol and drugs that almost killed her), she decided it was time to go straight, went through rehab and started to work for the family business. She hasn't managed, however, to bring Lilly back from the hole she put herself into, and would feel very guilty about this.
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Sperance
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Sperance » Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:31 pm

That's an interesting idea, hope someone writes a fanfic like this.

About Hisao's backstory... Well, given his tendence (in act 1) to overreact ridiculously in some choices (Lilly's and Shizune's paths come to mind), maybe make him have anger management issues, that ended with him getting in various fights and injuring someone. BAM! Ticket to Yamaku.

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:32 pm

Ok here's Kenji's profile. I'll update the first post with this and Shizune's tomorrow unless anyone has any changes to suggest.

Kenji: Kenji Is, well, Kenji. His obsession with the feminist movement lead to him being sent to Yamaku after he attempted to use illegally purchased fireworks to sabotage a so called "feminist rally". The rally was in fact a cake sale hosted by the WI. Fortunately nobody was seriously harmed in the incident. Due to Kenji's obvious mental instability he was sent to Yamaku on probation and assigned one of the school's newest counselors. Since Kenji began attending security have had to curb multiple escape attempts.

I've still no idea what to do for Hisao although I'm leaning towards somthin to do with Iwanako and/or false accusations. The previous two suggestions were good but too similar to the backstories of Lilly and Emi. Thanks for the suggestions anyway, any others would be greatly appreciated.

Zoram
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Zoram » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:00 am

Sperance wrote:About Hisao's backstory... Well, given his tendence (in act 1) to overreact ridiculously in some choices (Lilly's and Shizune's paths come to mind), maybe make him have anger management issues, that ended with him getting in various fights and injuring someone. BAM! Ticket to Yamaku.
Welds much better with my idea of Iwanako stabbing him than the street gang thing :D The scarce presence of his parents due to their respective jobs could be twisted in a negative way: instead of making him more independent, it made him having less restraints and sometimes not thinking enough of the consequences of his actions.

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newnar
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by newnar » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:10 am

Sounds like Sharin no Kuni alr.
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this
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Darkish-One
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Darkish-One » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:21 am

Kenji can be think everyone's in on killing him cause he has all there criminal records, but they don't really know that. He doesn't really know that they aren't going to murder him but he thinks its some kind of conspiracy that they all are working together... basically he's there cause he's insane again.

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Sperance
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Sperance » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:06 am

Zoram wrote:Welds much better with my idea of Iwanako stabbing him than the street gang thing :D The scarce presence of his parents due to their respective jobs could be twisted in a negative way: instead of making him more independent, it made him having less restraints and sometimes not thinking enough of the consequences of his actions.
¿How about this? Hisao feels neglected and angry. He takes this anger on other people, lashing out at any minimal offence (either real or imagined). One day, he gets in a fight and injures a boy, who happens to be the brother/cousin/close friend of his crush Iwanako. Iwanako faces him for it and, in a blind rage, Hisao hits her. Feeling guilty, he turns himself in and is given the choice of either being convicted for some time (I was thinking something along the lines of a few months to one or two years) or atending Yamaku for the duration of his highscool education. Seeing an opportunity to change himself for the better, he takes the Yamaku option. It could show Hisao's struggle against his angry nature, or end with him embracing it and starting a life of delinquency after leaving Yamaku (something like "Reformed Ending" or "Gang Ending").

As for Shizune, I was thinking along the likes of being caught in a blackmail incident. Being the student council president of her school, she tried to make changes towards what she thought was the best, using dirt she had on people to achieve so. Ultimately, one of her victims told the authorities and she was caught.

Just to amke sure, in this AU there would be no disabilities, right?

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:21 am

Sperance wrote:Just to amke sure, in this AU there would be no disabilities, right?
No None of the main characters are disabled. The canon yamaku exists in the background material of some characters ( currently Shizune's, possibly Hisao's as well) but none of the main characters have been there.

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Pl4t0
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Pl4t0 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:54 pm

Sperance wrote: ¿How about this? Hisao feels neglected and angry. He takes this anger on other people, lashing out at any minimal offence (either real or imagined). One day, he gets in a fight and injures a boy, who happens to be the brother/cousin/close friend of his crush Iwanako. Iwanako faces him for it and, in a blind rage, Hisao hits her. Feeling guilty, he turns himself in and is given the choice of either being convicted for some time (I was thinking something along the lines of a few months to one or two years) or atending Yamaku for the duration of his highscool education. Seeing an opportunity to change himself for the better, he takes the Yamaku option. It could show Hisao's struggle against his angry nature, or end with him embracing it and starting a life of delinquency after leaving Yamaku (something like "Reformed Ending" or "Gang Ending").
I actually really like this idea.

I don't know if he has to actually hit Iwanako, however - I feel like we've got enough motivation to send him to Yamaku just because he beats up the other guys; there's still room for a large character arc there. While it would certainly be interesting to attempt and could even work under the right circumstances, it would be very difficult to get us to sympathize with a Hisao that goes far enough as to actually hit girls.

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myshoesarebrown
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by myshoesarebrown » Wed Jan 25, 2012 11:45 pm

I have a bit of a different idea for Kenji... Perhaps he doesn't have his background revealed fully at all? Maybe he always dodges questions about it, and nobody else seems to know(or aren't allowed to tell, like teachers). He might allude to some things he has done, and of course, all the hints make him seem like some kind of maniac.

Or, maybe a completely different way. He's not a student, but an undercover cop or something. Always paranoid that they know.

Meh, sounded better in my head...
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charmisokay
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by charmisokay » Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:04 am

The cop idea was kinda bad xD
But the other one might be okay.
After playing Lilly's route I started eating pizza with a knife and a fork ^^ I'm such a gentleman.

Zoram
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Zoram » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:44 am

Pl4t0 wrote:
Sperance wrote: ¿How about this? Hisao feels neglected and angry. He takes this anger on other people, lashing out at any minimal offence (either real or imagined). One day, he gets in a fight and injures a boy, who happens to be the brother/cousin/close friend of his crush Iwanako. Iwanako faces him for it and, in a blind rage, Hisao hits her. Feeling guilty, he turns himself in and is given the choice of either being convicted for some time (I was thinking something along the lines of a few months to one or two years) or atending Yamaku for the duration of his highscool education. Seeing an opportunity to change himself for the better, he takes the Yamaku option. It could show Hisao's struggle against his angry nature, or end with him embracing it and starting a life of delinquency after leaving Yamaku (something like "Reformed Ending" or "Gang Ending").
I actually really like this idea.

I don't know if he has to actually hit Iwanako, however - I feel like we've got enough motivation to send him to Yamaku just because he beats up the other guys; there's still room for a large character arc there. While it would certainly be interesting to attempt and could even work under the right circumstances, it would be very difficult to get us to sympathize with a Hisao that goes far enough as to actually hit girls.
I really like the idea and I also think it would kinda the point that, unless he seriously confronts the personal issues that led him to end up in Yamaku in the first place, Hisao would run the risk of a relationship with a female classmate/inmate turning abusive. After all, as they are described, some of the girls would be not above turning abusive towards Hisao, especially Emi and Shizune.

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