Criminal girls

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rabbitt773
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Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:41 am

I've had this idea floating around for a while now. Basically I wondered what It would be like if instead of being a school specifcally for disabled students yamaku was instead a school specifcally for young offenders either recently having finished sentences or made to attend as part of their sentence. So here's what I have so far:

Intro
At the Yamaku Acadamy for Young offenders we are dedicated to aiding young people who have gotten off to a rocky start in life. We help to reintagrate young offenders back into society and give them the best possible chance at a brighter future. Our top end facilities and teaching staff allow our charges to get the education they need whilst our caring and considerate counsiling team are availible to help students resolve any personal issues. We also offer places for non offending youths wising to pursue careers in fields such as counseling and criminology.

Characters

Hisao: ???

Hanako: Has an unhealthy obbssesion with fire. Was charged with arson after burning down her own house as well as that of a neighbour and attempting to set fire to her old school.

Emi: Has a very short temper, especially if you mention her height. Was sent to Yamaku after being expelled from several other schools for fighting.

Lilly: At the age of 13 joined the same street gang as her sister. Was arrested for dealing drugs and sent to Yamaku as a condition of her probation.

Rin: Arrested after being caught shoplifting, later admitted to several counts of vandalism and graffiti. When asked why she did it she simply answered "Why not?"

Shizune: At her previous school Shizune strived to become the head of the student council. Unfortunately one of her best friends held the same aim. In the run up to elections things turned nasty between the two girls. This culminated in a prank set up by Shizune going horribly long and causing permanent harm to the other girl. The other girl's parents pressed charges against Shizune who ended up at Yamaku. Ironically enough the other girls Injuries lead to her attending Yamaku's sister school for the physically disabled. Shizune herself holds a great deal of guilt over the incident and so Misha has been appointed her unofficial counselor.

Misha: Does not hace any criminal convictions but is attending Yamaku due to a wish to go into counseling as a career.

Kenji: Kenji Is, well, Kenji. His obsession with the feminist movement lead to him being sent to Yamaku after he attempted to use illegally purchased fireworks to sabotage a so called "feminist rally". The rally was in fact a cake sale hosted by the WI. Fortunately nobody was seriously harmed in the incident. Due to Kenji's obvious mental instability he was sent to Yamaku on probation and assigned one of the school's newest counselors. Since Kenji began attending security have had to curb multiple escape attempts.

I still have no idea what to put for Hisao, Shizune and Kenji, any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Sorry if anything here ends up offending anyone, that really was not the intent.
Last edited by rabbitt773 on Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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TheKingOfFacade
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by TheKingOfFacade » Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:39 am

First of all, love the idea, very creative and works well with the current characters. The thought of Lilly being in a street gang is rather unusual; though I can't say the same of Akira.

Shizune might have caught trying to set up a racist rally of some sort, I imagine she'd still think of herself as a natural born leader and likes to be very forward with her opnions even if they are (In the case of "Criminal Girls") full of hate (Though this ofcourse would be VERY hard to write for without offending anyone too much, much like how 4LS did with Kenji).

Kenji...well, could just be Kenji; Expect for the fact that he actually took the war too the feminists and assaulted multiple spokewomen at a meeting or a topical panel show (like the Japanese equivilant of the UK's "Question Time")

I have no idea what Hisao could have done however. I got the impression at the start of KS that Hisao felt like he was alien to Yamaku and didn't feel like he belonged there. Maybe Hisao was framed or wrongly blamed for something?

Great idea and great work though!

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:02 am

TheKingOfFacade wrote:Maybe Hisao was framed or wrongly blamed for something?
I did have an idea where Hisao got blamed for somthing that happened to Iwanako. Only problem is i'm not sure what. Thanks for you input.

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charmisokay
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by charmisokay » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:06 am

Do you want to create a game like that or something along the lines of a fanfic`?
After playing Lilly's route I started eating pizza with a knife and a fork ^^ I'm such a gentleman.

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:24 am

charmisokay wrote:Do you want to create a game like that or something along the lines of a fanfic`?

Neither really. A fanfic would be cool but i'm no good at writing long stories. If anyone wants to use this in a fanfic then feel free.

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charmisokay
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by charmisokay » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:35 am

Ohh what do you plan to do with this then? Nothing? Just sharing your idea?
(nothing wrong with that at all :)
After playing Lilly's route I started eating pizza with a knife and a fork ^^ I'm such a gentleman.

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TheKingOfFacade
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by TheKingOfFacade » Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:51 pm

"You can address me by my first name if you like, but most of the students just call me "the warden"."

Demoneq
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Demoneq » Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:22 pm

Your descriptions of Hanako and Rin make those versions of them seem like a pyromaniac and probably sociopath/psychopath (I'm not a psychiatrist, so may be getting it wrong), so I'm not sure people like that would end up in this sort of school, and not a psychiatric ward or something.

Though the idea itself sounds okay-ish.

Oh, and Hisao would in be for the crime of vandalism (breaking somebody's heart, or a few). ;)

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Evvinartopski
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Evvinartopski » Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:45 pm

Hisao is the wielder of the Death Note. However, he got caught writing some poor sap's name down, and has to continue under supervision. This way he won't attempt to cause more heart attacks.

Murex
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Murex » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:50 pm

Brilliant idea.
TheKingOfFacade wrote: Shizune might have caught trying to set up a racist rally of some sort, I imagine she'd still think of herself as a natural born leader and likes to be very forward with her opnions even if they are (In the case of "Criminal Girls") full of hate (Though this ofcourse would be VERY hard to write for without offending anyone too much, much like how 4LS did with Kenji).
Political correctness aside, I can't imagine Shizune as a racist. She's harsh towards people who don't share her opinions, but not intolerant of others for no good reason.

How about this: Shizune is the student council president at her old high school. Another club (Computer club? Art club?) breaks Student Council regulations in some way--putting decorations up where they're not supposed to, let's say. To teach them a lesson, Shicchan vandalizes their decorations, and accidentally does several hundred dollars of damage to the school in the process. She is sent to Yamaku.

Rin doing graffiti is a great idea. I can imagine her not understanding that she's doing anything wrong. Her shoplifting is a bit harder to swallow, since she's not that materialistic, unless it was a) art supplies or b) by accident ("oh, I forgot I had this candy bar in my pocket...")

Hisao...maybe he was framed for a crime by his crush, Iwanako? Not the best idea, but it's all I can come up with.

I'm getting way more into this idea than I should... :P

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Sat Jan 21, 2012 7:49 am

Murex wrote:How about this: Shizune is the student council president at her old high school. Another club (Computer club? Art club?) breaks Student Council regulations in some way--putting decorations up where they're not supposed to, let's say. To teach them a lesson, Shicchan vandalizes their decorations, and accidentally does several hundred dollars of damage to the school in the process. She is sent to Yamaku.

Rin doing graffiti is a great idea. I can imagine her not understanding that she's doing anything wrong. Her shoplifting is a bit harder to swallow, since she's not that materialistic, unless it was a) art supplies or b) by accident ("oh, I forgot I had this candy bar in my pocket...")
I like the idea you've got for for Shizune. As for Rin's shoplifting I was thinking along the lines of things like art supplies, its mainly their so that Rin has a slightly more serious crimeto be sent to yamaku for. Although I do think Rin might also pickpocket people just because she was curious.

Last man sitting

Re: Criminal girls

Post by Last man sitting » Sat Jan 21, 2012 8:34 am

maybe Iwanako accused Hisao of something after he turned down her confession? To spite him?

(It would make the letter he recieves later on the story SO MUCH MORE DRAMA)

And shizune was sent to prison after trying to start a cult.

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Pl4t0
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Pl4t0 » Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:21 am

Very interesting idea - would make for a great VN/fic/artwork :D

I feel like Shizune would do something involving large sums of money, like she set up (large) gambling rings in her schools. One of her defining features is that she still wants to lead, it's just that she's not past leading something illicit.

I think Kenji would just be a regular conspiracy theorist (not feminists, perhaps the government) who went too far and firebombed something he shouldn't have (a civil servant's car? Nothing too serious).

Perhaps if Hisao slept with Iwanako but things got mixed up and she accused him of rape? That's the best I've got, but I rape is taken very seriously and would probably actually land him in jail...maybe he gets a minimum sentence and gets out early when given the chance to go to Yamaku instead (and so juvy is an analogue to the hospital)?

Rukaroa
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by Rukaroa » Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:31 pm

When I saw this thread, I was thinking of something like this. Am I just thinking wrong or is that where the idea came from? Would be interesting to see what jail wear would look like.
Lilly>=Hanako>Rin>Shizune/Misha>Emi

rabbitt773
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Re: Criminal girls

Post by rabbitt773 » Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:38 pm

When I saw this thread, I was thinking of something like this. Am I just thinking wrong or is that where the idea came from? Would be interesting to see what jail wear would look like.
No I've never seen that game before. What game is it?

Ok think I've got a decent idea for Shizune. Let me know what you think

At her previous school Shizune strived to become the head of the student council. Unfortunately one of her best friends held the same aim. In the run up to elections things turned nasty between the two girls. This culminated in a prank set up by Shizune going horribly long and causing permanent harm to the other girl. The other girl's parents pressed charges against Shizune who ended up at Yamaku. Ironically enough the other girls Injuries lead to her attending Yamaku's sister school for the physically disabled. Shizune herself holds a great deal of guilt over the incident and so Misha has been appointed her unofficial counselor.

I may have gotten a bit carried away with shizune's backstory...

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