Design your character!

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FoxtrotZero
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Re: Design your character!

Post by FoxtrotZero » Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:06 pm

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Heartless Wanderer wrote:
BlackWaltzTheThird wrote: Fixed. Too many people make this mistake. I think they take things too literally to realise Lilly didn't want to just go out and say "Yamaku won't take retarded kids".
I thought the word the novel itself used was "mental." That having been said, that's pretty much what I meant.
It is, but Lilly is the one who said it, and she's the type to... sensitise things, I guess you could call it. It's a poor choice of words on her part, given her best friend suffers from what is pretty much PTSD and has a crippling social phobia; both "mental disabilities" by the expected definition of the term.
As much as I never thought of it in this light, you're right. If the school didn't accept people with mental disabilities at all, then people like Kenji and Hanako wouldn't get in. I took it to mean they didn't accept people whose only condition was mental (e.g., if Kenji wasn't blind or Hanako wasn't a burn victim, they wouldn't get in).

Regardless, I was aware that Yamako didn't strictly take disabled students, but for almost all intents and purposes, it's a school for the disabled. If you were creating a non-disabled character for the school, it would probably be because the creator couldn't decide on a disability, or didn't have the heart to give it to a character that they liked (or too closely represented themselves). Such a character probably wouldn't have a reason to go to the school, so it's just a big red herring.

You made a character that doesn't have a disability, but they have a reason for being at Yamako. It makes sense, and it's also quite an interesting backstory. Q.E.D., hats off to you, sir.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Heartless Wanderer » Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:10 pm

Well, thanks. I'm still working out the details, though, and even what I've come up with so far is subject to change at this point. I'm relieved that what I've got so far is workable, though, I was a bit worried about it.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by FoxtrotZero » Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:50 pm

Heartless Wanderer wrote:Well, thanks. I'm still working out the details, though, and even what I've come up with so far is subject to change at this point. I'm relieved that what I've got so far is workable, though, I was a bit worried about it.
Indeed. Is the character someone you thought of, or is it supposed to be you to some degree? The personality and physical description for my character was pretty closely drawn from myself, but in all honestly, that's because it was supposed to be me (or a version of me, I guess, seeing as how it clearly isn't entirely accurate).
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Heartless Wanderer » Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:58 pm

FoxtrotZero wrote:
Heartless Wanderer wrote:Well, thanks. I'm still working out the details, though, and even what I've come up with so far is subject to change at this point. I'm relieved that what I've got so far is workable, though, I was a bit worried about it.
Indeed. Is the character someone you thought of, or is it supposed to be you to some degree? The personality and physical description for my character was pretty closely drawn from myself, but in all honestly, that's because it was supposed to be me (or a version of me, I guess, seeing as how it clearly isn't entirely accurate).
No, this one's just a character I made up. I am introverted, but in this case the character is similar by happenstance rather than intention.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by FoxtrotZero » Sat Nov 03, 2012 3:09 pm

Heartless Wanderer wrote:
FoxtrotZero wrote:
Heartless Wanderer wrote:Well, thanks. I'm still working out the details, though, and even what I've come up with so far is subject to change at this point. I'm relieved that what I've got so far is workable, though, I was a bit worried about it.
Indeed. Is the character someone you thought of, or is it supposed to be you to some degree? The personality and physical description for my character was pretty closely drawn from myself, but in all honestly, that's because it was supposed to be me (or a version of me, I guess, seeing as how it clearly isn't entirely accurate).
No, this one's just a character I made up. I am introverted, but in this case the character is similar by happenstance rather than intention.
Nothing wrong with that. I was considering codifying another character that I unintentionally created while thinking about my own, but I decided against it. Came up with a bit of a backstory, but I don't even have a name.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Zykes » Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:00 pm

Should I post the information of my OC on here or just link it from the other page?
"I look down as I step forward, passing by all those that stare, and hold fear in my heart. I stop and look up, I realize I am not afraid of what others think of me. I am afraid of of what I think of myself."

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Re: Design your character!

Post by FoxtrotZero » Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:20 pm

Zykes wrote:Should I post the information of my OC on here or just link it from the other page?
Was the double post unintentional?
And if it were me, I'd copy it here.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Zykes » Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:57 am

Name: Yamashita, Hiroshi
Age: 18
Birthday: February 18th
Zodiac: Aquarius
Blood Type: O+
Height: 178 cm/5'10"
Weight: 66 kg/147 lbs.
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Bright Violet
Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Playing the Violin.

Backstory

Past

Hiroshi was born to a normal middle class family, though he was born Illuminated Irises, which gave a strong shine to his eyes. During the early parts of his life, it seemed to affect his general interaction with other children. This left him living an enclosed social life. This trend continued on as he grew into his early teens, the most spiteful of those were the female students, leaving him with no real experience in his interactions with them.

When Hiroshi entered high school, things seem to change how he was viewed by his peers. While girls still seemed to not find his eyes to be pleasant, male students seemed to take a regular liking to Hiroshi, this helped him to come out of his shell a bit. Things seemed to be getting better for him as he moved passed the first two years of high school, however an incident in gym class seemed to push his body to limit, as he collapsed. No one seemed to know what happened exactly.

He was taken to the hospital, it was discovered that Hiroshi's heart suffered from Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and any excessive physical actions was avoid by Hiroshi until just recently, the discovery a bit late to have a means of fully recovering from it. Due to the stress placed on his heart, Hiroshi had been diagnosed with a permanent case of CFS. Knowing a normal school life would not be best for him, Hiroshi's parents had him transferred over to Yamaku Academy, a high school for students who suffer from disabilities. Hiroshi did not really know how to take the news. It was just recently his life had started to change, so the idea wasn't too much of a stretch for him.

Present

Arriving at Yamaku during the late winter, he was placed into class 3-3. His impression of other students seemed normal for a teenager experiencing change, though he did his best not to judge anyone based on their appearance or condition as he had always been judged on appearance, he knew it did show the true nature of a person. Only a short time has gone by since he arrived at Yamaku, so far, it has been a bit troubling for him, as he felt either because of his condition or his eyes, no one wanted to be around him. This has left him somewhat depressed and empty.


His Condition

Hiroshi suffers from "Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy" and has been diagnosed with a permanent case of "CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)", The symptoms of which have shown themselves are Slight impairment to memory or concentration, Post-exertional malaise(Where physical or mental exterions bring extreme, prolonged exhaustion and sickness), Unrefresing sleep, Shortness of breath, Visual disturbances(Blurring, Sensitivity to light, eye pain/dry eyes), potential psychological problems (Depression, irritability, anxiety, and panic attacks), and reduction of his immune system. He takes some medication and some physical therapy to help cope with it. However, his physical appearance has started to be affected by his condition. Slight bags under his eyes, slower body movement and a constant half-awake gaze.

Personality

Hiroshi has always been kind hearted in nature, but due to his lack of social skills, he can be seen as distant and somewhat cold. While he does what he feel is the best he can do for himself, once given the chance to really hold people down as friends, he will do whatever he can to make them happy, feeling it is the only real way to keep someone close in his life.


Notes

This is the main character of the story I’m working on. It took me a while to figure out what kind of disability I wanted to give him, while I wanted to avoid doing something similar to any of the main characters from KS. I also wanted to make sure he was capable of certain things. So I did some research and looked up many different Physical disabilities. I ended up picking something that a part of my family has a disposition for.
As for the design of his personality I wanted to highlight the faults in a person more than anything. While I don’t describe it too much here, it’s shown more in the story.
"I look down as I step forward, passing by all those that stare, and hold fear in my heart. I stop and look up, I realize I am not afraid of what others think of me. I am afraid of of what I think of myself."

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Staggering Harmony - OC Fanfic

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FoxtrotZero
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Re: Design your character!

Post by FoxtrotZero » Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:23 pm

Zykes wrote:-snip-
Impressive. Sounds like he has an interesting arsenal of problems, but at least none of them are too severe (e.g., potential heart asplosions, *cough*hisao*cough*). Is the illuminated irises a real thing?
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Zykes » Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:34 am

FoxtrotZero wrote:
Zykes wrote:-snip-
Impressive. Sounds like he has an interesting arsenal of problems, but at least none of them are too severe (e.g., potential heart asplosions, *cough*hisao*cough*). Is the illuminated irises a real thing?
Just being realistic, Hisao isn't the only person in the world who can have heart issues, hehe.

As for the eyes, I have a hard time explaining it medically. They don't glow, they just are abnormally bright (Like how Violet is a brighter Purple, but taking it another step further.)
"I look down as I step forward, passing by all those that stare, and hold fear in my heart. I stop and look up, I realize I am not afraid of what others think of me. I am afraid of of what I think of myself."

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Re: Design your character!

Post by Oddball » Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:46 am

Arriving at Yamaku during the late winter, he was placed into class 3-3.
You might want to rethink this.

Winter months in Japan are December, January, and February. The school year ends in March.

So going with your plan, he's got a few weeks to get to know his new classmates before he graduates.

Also, every new character seems to go to 3-3. It's overdone. Why not 3-4 with Emi and Rin instead? Or maybe set things a year earlier and have him be in 2-3. That way he still ends up in class with Misha and Shizune and whoever for a month or so, before they move on to the next grade and he still has his final school year ahead of him. (If you planned on having him be in 3-3 several years before or after Hisao and the gang get there, ignore this little rant.)

Also, the deal with his eyes seems to exist just to make him more cool and special. You could just say he has abnormally light colored eyes rather than "illuminated" ones, although things like that often are tied to visual problems as well, which just adds another disability (or potential one).
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Heartless Wanderer » Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:10 am

Oddball wrote:
Arriving at Yamaku during the late winter, he was placed into class 3-3.
You might want to rethink this.

Winter months in Japan are December, January, and February. The school year ends in March.
Yes, yes, yes, please account for the difference in schoolyear structure. Mind you, I'm only even aware of it myself because of Persona 3 and Persona 4...
Also, every new character seems to go to 3-3. It's overdone. Why not 3-4 with Emi and Rin instead? Or maybe set things a year earlier and have him be in 2-3. That way he still ends up in class with Misha and Shizune and whoever for a month or so, before they move on to the next grade and he still has his final school year ahead of him. (If you planned on having him be in 3-3 several years before or after Hisao and the gang get there, ignore this little rant.)
Why not class 3-1? I never see 3-1 ever get so much as a mention in anything. Yet it must exist, why else would there be a 3-2? :?

That having been said, putting students into Hisao's class really just comes off to me as a cheap way to get them into the spotlight quickly without having to think about a different classroom environment or a way to get them to meet up with whoever it is you want them to become acquainted with. It's the path of least resistance and because of that, it's overused. It's not necessarily a bad route to take, but nor is it the most interesting one.
Also, the deal with his eyes seems to exist just to make him more cool and special. You could just say he has abnormally light colored eyes rather than "illuminated" ones, although things like that often are tied to visual problems as well, which just adds another disability (or potential one).
I'd also like to add that abnormally-colored eyes tend to pop up in a lot of Gary Stu/Mary Sue characters, so it's something to be careful about. Mind you, I can see abnormally bright eyes being unsettling for some, but not necessarily "abnormally bright violet eyes," which some people might consider cool rather than unsettling.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Oddball » Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:15 am

Why not class 3-1? I never see 3-1 ever get so much as a mention in anything. Yet it must exist, why else would there be a 3-2?
I read somewhere that 3-1 is the deaf class. I can't remember if that was pre-release info or just something from fanfic though. I'm pretty sure it's not mentioned in the game. I suppose if you wanted, you could use 3-1 as another "normal" class and say there's a 3-5 which operates as the class for people with hearing problems.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Heartless Wanderer » Mon Nov 05, 2012 10:44 am

Oddball wrote:
Why not class 3-1? I never see 3-1 ever get so much as a mention in anything. Yet it must exist, why else would there be a 3-2?
I read somewhere that 3-1 is the deaf class. I can't remember if that was pre-release info or just something from fanfic though. I'm pretty sure it's not mentioned in the game. I suppose if you wanted, you could use 3-1 as another "normal" class and say there's a 3-5 which operates as the class for people with hearing problems.
The "deaf" class that Shizune does not attend, despite being deaf.

I haven't heard anything of a deaf class at Yamaku Academy. I do remember there being a sign language class and the detail that less and less people were actually taking it, but nothing about an actual deaf class. Since Shizune is just plopped into an ordinary classroom while Lilly is placed in a class for students with no or bad vision, I'm assuming that deafness and hearing deficiency isn't as common at Yamaku as blindness or impaired eyesight. I'm not sure if that's true of society at large, but Shizune is actually the only explicit mention of a deaf student I remember seeing, whereas for blindness we have Lilly, Kenji, and mentions of her classmates.

It makes sense that blind students would get a dedicated class while deaf students might mix with the others more easily, if nothing else: deaf students may not be able to hear what's going on around them, but they're not much worse off when it comes to navigating a classroom without incident. I've always been slightly curious about Shizune's classwork performance, though--does Misha interpret the teacher's lectures? Is the stuff on the board really so thorough that it makes up for it? Or does she just study independently while the teacher yammers on? ...There's certainly no mention of Mutou ever lecturing in sign.
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Re: Design your character!

Post by Oddball » Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:01 pm

I'd rather not get this any more off topic than it already is. Mind if we continue this conversation in the Public Discussion section?
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