Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

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Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

Postby Penguinmayhem » Thu Sep 20, 2007 10:52 am

This seriously is in no way, shape or form connected to the actual gameplay and probably will never make it into the game. Probably.
____________________________________________________

It was a quiet, lazy sort of day, the sun high and bright in an azure sky seemed to make the silence all the more profound. The gentle sound of music carried far through the deserted halls on a cloudless, sunny Saturday afternoon. A soft, soothing piano melody neither cheerful nor melancholy, but somewhere in between, a relaxing wisp of a tune, floated out from the only open classroom door.

The room was much like any of the others, but it had been cleared of chairs and desks to make room for, among other things, a well aged piano that looked like it had been polished once too often; the sheen of lacquer was buffed almost through, the dull surface of the bare dark wood beneath. Several chairs were arranged in a loose semicircle a good few metres wide, which made the instrument even more of a fixture as if emphasising its presence. Most of the chairs were unoccupied, as a tall girl with golden blonde hair played that slow and slightly haunting melody to the empty room.

As the tune faded away into the peaceful silence, a contented smile overcame her.

“You always play so beautifully.” The quiet lilt of a feminine voice barely broke the silence, almost a whisper. “I wish I could play the way you do.”

“An artist is nothing without her art,” the blonde girl replied in a warm tone that was almost motherly. Her fingers flowed across the keys again as if feeling for something trapped in the narrow spaces between. “Without you, I fear I would forever be playing the scales like a broken old record until my fingers were numb and my love was all worn out.”

Words spoken in that earnest and refined voice brought a soft colouring of pink to the cheeks of a girl with long dark tresses of the most lustrous plum coloured hair. She brought one slender, pale-skinned hand up to her face, stopping a giggle behind delicate fingers.

The blonde girl continued, her fingers still tracing patterns on the keys as if in practice. “You bring music to my lips and to my fingers as if it were water flowing from my veins. I can only hope that my most sincere efforts bring you the same joy your presence has brought to me, ever since I first met you.”

The dark haired girl tipped her nose down towards the floor, hair falling down around her face in concealing waves as the pink in her skin fluoresced to a deep scarlet.

“Lily…really, sometimes you say the most embarrassing things.”

The blonde pianist raised her head quite suddenly, as if in realisation, and she turned about slowly on the short cushioned stool till she faced her companion across the room. Eyes of deep, shimmering cobalt gazed emptily, misted over by a pale haze. Again she smiled, a slow, warm smile that spread across her face.

“Would you like me to stop?”

The girl with the long purple hair shook her head, eyes of deep violet rising from the floor to meet the unseeing gaze of the musician.

“Play something else,” she replied imploringly in that tiny voice. She caught the gaze of those hazy cerulean eyes, a sightless gaze that seemed to draw her in, unable to look away. For what seemed like a long while, they sat in silence, locked in that most unusual of exchanges.

At last, the blonde girl rose from her seat before the grand instrument, shaking out sunny locks as she stood. She slid the lid of the piano shut with a quiet bump, then bent to reach for the black case that lay open by her feet. Her fingers, unguided, still found the neck of the violin with a graceful ease and slipped the instrument out of its cradle. With a twirl that looked almost careless, and yet so elegant, she brought the violin up to rest on her shoulder, bow in hand.

“What would my darling Hanako like me to play today,” she wondered aloud as she brushed the bow feather-light across oiled string, bringing the softest of squeaked notes from the instrument in her hand. “Strauss, perhaps? Anything in particular you’d like to hear? I am always ready to play whatever you want to hear.”

“I want to hear you play,” replied the blushing girl with the plum coloured hair while her hands fidgeted in her lap. “I like your music the best.”

Lily smiled that slow, gentle smile of hers again, gesturing with her bow. “Is that not, perhaps, because you know that it was made for you.” She didn’t have to see to know the sudden flush such words would bring, having felt the heat by her fingertips enough times in the past. She shook her hair again in a way that was purely aesthetic, golden flowing locks shimmering in the sunlight. “Then you shall have your music, my most precious muse, if it makes you as happy as you say. More reward I could not ask for.”

“Play me something to dance to,” requested the dark haired girl. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that from you.”

“A tango then.” Lily smiled again. “But then, it takes two for that.”

“You’re here, aren’t you? Perhaps I just want to imagine what it would be like to dance with you?”

The blonde musician let her smile ebb slightly as her face flushed at the thought. In lieu of a reply, she brought the bow back to its place and drew a first long, deep note.

At first, the violin chirped and hummed and groaned as if with a life of its own and chattering animatedly with its mistress. Then, in a series of quick, short utterances, the music began to flow. The blonde girl began to sway slightly on her feet as her bow drew out an energetic yet oddly haunting tune that brought a feeling of both joy and sadness, winding together in Hanako’s mind into a longing, a passionate yearning of some unnameable fashion. She found herself moved, at once smiling and shivering, like the crisp beauty of a bitter winter’s day flowing through her soul. As always, she was right; Lily made the most beautiful music of all.

“I would gladly dance with you, my love,” the blonde whispered to her companion through the sound of a bittersweet tune. “Unto the end of the world.”
______________________________________________________

That having been said, where did all the yuri connotations go? Seriously, best bit of the whole concept.

Anyway, this was done at the request of 4chan's /a/ board. Enjoy it, guys. I promise I'll have that BAD END vignette up as soon as possible, too.
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Postby cpl_crud » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:07 am

You have a lot of words for "blue".

"Cerulian" had almost fallen from my brain, even though that and Cherkinov Radiation are two of the most mesmerising thingst that I've ever seen...

Anyway, onto the point... I likes it.

The "Yuri" thing didn't disapper, there are jstu a lot of disgruntled people from teh "old" project, adn a lot of people that weren't bothered to keep up with progress, and hence do the usual 4chan thing of "well I've heard once sentence so I guess I can re-write the book..."

I would like to keep a lot of the Yuriness, even if is wasn't as overt as "Luls Lilly and Hanako are pashing!" Personally, I'm going to weave it into Hanako's arc, and possibly write an "unlockable" scene where by you get "best" end (Hanako x Lilly x Hisao).

I know that I probably don't have to say this, but don't believe everything you hear on 4chan. In fact, the less you believe from there, the better.
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Postby Penguinmayhem » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:17 am

cpl_crud wrote:You have a lot of words for "blue".

"Cerulian" had almost fallen from my brain, even though that and Cherkinov Radiation are two of the most mesmerising thingst that I've ever seen...

Anyway, onto the point... I likes it.

The "Yuri" thing didn't disapper, there are jstu a lot of disgruntled people from teh "old" project, adn a lot of people that weren't bothered to keep up with progress, and hence do the usual 4chan thing of "well I've heard once sentence so I guess I can re-write the book..."

I would like to keep a lot of the Yuriness, even if is wasn't as overt as "Luls Lilly and Hanako are pashing!" Personally, I'm going to weave it into Hanako's arc, and possibly write an "unlockable" scene where by you get "best" end (Hanako x Lilly x Hisao).

I know that I probably don't have to say this, but don't believe everything you hear on 4chan. In fact, the less you believe from there, the better.


The threesome ending sounds good, but what I was going for was a sort of side ending that might come about if the player shows interest in Hanako early on and then ditches her for someone else. This little thing here, I dunno where this came from. Working on side end right now.

On a semi-related note, I think Emi and Rin make a slightly cute pair in more of a comedic double act way. The dynamic between them had me lolling for most of the demo playthrough. I'd love to see that continued majorly in the later parts of the game, such as Rin interrupting you and Emi in a suggestive situation or something and being completely oblivious?
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Postby TcDohl » Thu Sep 20, 2007 11:33 am

I very much like your writing style. Can you please look at the style guide and write your next scene in that style guide?

We're considering people to replace one of our errant writers, so I'd like to see more "audition pieces" in order for us to weigh our options.

Also, please go on the IRC channel. Thanks.
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Postby Aura » Thu Sep 20, 2007 12:46 pm

I have trouble seeing the text from all the adjectives but it's nice. A bit cheesy, but that's what we live for.
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Postby Penguinmayhem » Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:18 pm

Aura wrote:I have trouble seeing the text from all the adjectives but it's a good piece of writing. A bit cheesy, but that's what we live for.


I do have that problem, apparently. I'll try not to be so flamboyant in future. Glad you like it though.

cpl_crud, I'll get right on at converting this into a more suitable scene format ASAP. Might want to tone down a few things if you're making this a pre-game omake, though, or else this is practically making Hanako/Lily an in-game couple. Unless you want it that way, of course?
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Postby cpl_crud » Fri Sep 21, 2007 10:30 pm

I wouldn't say "couple" so much, insofar as that they aer really, really close.

Later in teh game they are goign to spend a lot of time together, so it would make sense that Lilly would know about Hanako' blushing and the like.

Everything that happens in this scene has a non-yuri explaination, so I don't think anything really need to be omitted.
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Postby Penguinmayhem » Sun Sep 23, 2007 6:02 pm

Oh boy, here comes more. This one's a little more adaptable. I can probably tweak this into standard scene format if anyone wants it for anything. Inspired by (and set just before) this scene by Aura ((link no longer valid))

Edited to conform to scene script. I hope?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The twittering of birds rings sharp and clear through the empty garden."

"There is no breeze here. The still air is cool and light."

"The morning sunlight flickers through the branches of the trees."

"Dappled patterns of shadow flicker across the carefully trimmed grass."

"Crystal water splashes over smoothly polished stones in an artificial stream."

"The soft trickling sounds adding to the picturesque aura of the garden."

"I realise, not for the first time, that none of those things matter."

"Sapphire eyes that do not see seem to stare into my soul."

"I feel myself sinking into that dark ocean."

"The lines of her face are like soft sand blown by desert winds"

"as if only nature herself could achieve something so beautiful."

"When she smiles, the sun is so easily eclipsed by her radiance."

li “Are you okay?”

"Her melodious voice calls to me like a siren’s song."

"I shake my head, but her hold on me is far stronger than that."

ha “S…sorry.”

"I stutter so awkwardly in her presence."

"Yet it brings that laughter to her lips that always delights my ears."

Li “Poor Hanako.”

"She replies in that soft voice."

"To hear her tongue caressing my name brings a flutter to my chest."

Li "Perhaps it was not best to rouse you so early this morning."

Li "If I had thought of how hard you must be working lately…"

Ha “No, of course not!"

Ha "I’m more than happy to be here with you."

Ha "That is...as long as you don’t mind.”

"Does her smile widen slightly at that, or is it my hopeful imagination?"

Li “You make the garden feel so much more alive, my dear Hanako.”

"Now I know she’s just trying to make me blush."

Li "You always make my day seem brighter."

Li "For that I fear I do not appreciate you enough."

"It’s working."

"Oh, if only she could see the way her words make me blush.

"If only she see how being here with her makes me feel."

"Words cannot express this."

Ha “Thank you."

"My voice sounds very small indeed, and my cheeks are hot."

"This scene of tranquil beauty does not need petty conversation."

"Watching her form move with unheard rhythm is enough."

"Her body flows like the water that trickles along its stony path."

"The sun catches her hair with every graceful movement of her head."

"I sit and watch as she becomes one with the nature around us."

Ha “…”

"My mouth opens to speak, but my tongue is frozen.

"My mind races to catch up."

Ha “Lily.”

"I whisper her name to myself, knowing that she will hear it."

"That mesmerizing gaze turns to me."

"I find myself lost for words.

"Something inside me is clawing and screaming to escape.

"But the words to set it free do not come to me so easily."

"I can only stare back into her unseeing eyes, lost forever."

"The moment passes in silence, and I regret nothing."

"Her smile is enough to satisfy my unnameable longing."

"For now."
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Re: Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

Postby Penguinmayhem » Sat Sep 29, 2007 5:09 am

Here's the first omake done up to fit the style guide. Leaving the original as is so people can enjoy it in its intended form. Sorry guys, but my verbosity just doesn't seem to agree with the 13 word limit.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's a quiet, lazy sort of day today."

"The bright, sunny sky seems to make the silence all the more profound."

"The gentle sound of music carries through the deserted halls."

"It is a soft, soothing piano melody neither cheerful nor melancholy."

"An aged piano stands in the center of the room."

"Several chairs form a loose semicircle around it making it dominate the room."

"A tall girl with golden blond hair plays a slow and haunting melody."

"As the tune fades away into the peaceful silence, I feel myself smiling."

ha "You always play so beautifully."

"My voice comes out almost a whisper."

ha "I wish I could play the way you do."

"She turns her head toward me with a soft smile."

li "An artist is nothing without her art."

"Her voice is warm and almost motherly when she replies."

"Her fingers flow across the keys again as if feeling for something trapped between."

li "Without you, I fear I would forever be playing the scales."

li "Like a broken old record repeating itself until it cracks and shatters."

"Her voice is so earnest and refined. I can feel my cheeks warming"

"My hand meets my lips and a giggle escapes."

"The blond beauty continues, her fingers still tracing patterns on the keys."

li “You draw the music from my soul as if it flowed through my veins."

li "Ever since we first met, you have brought such joy to my life.”

li "I only hope that my most sincere efforts bring you the same pleasure."

"I look down at the floor and my hair falls down to hide my deepening blush."

ha "Lily…really, sometimes you say the most embarrassing things."

"The blond pianist raises her head quite suddenly and turns to face me."

"I gaze into those slightly misty eyes of deep, shimmering cobalt gaze."

"Again that warm smile spreads slowly across her face."

li "Would you like me to stop?"

"I almost shake my head before I realize how silly that would be."

ha "Play something else."

"I feel caught in the gaze of those hazy cerulean eyes, a sightless gaze that seemed to draw me in."

"For what seems like forever, we sit in silence like this."

"At last, she rises from her seat, shaking out sunny locks that shimmer in the light."

"She slides the lid of the piano shut and then reaches for the case at her feet."

"Her fingers grasp the violin with a graceful ease and lift the instrument from its cradle."

"With a twirl that is so careless and yet so elegant, she brings the violin to her shoulder."

li "What would my darling Hanako like me to play today?"

"The bow brushes feather-light across oiled string, bringing the softest of notes."

li "Strauss, perhaps? Anything in particular you’d like to hear?"

li "I am always ready to play whatever you wish."

ha "I want to hear you play."

ha "I like your music the best."

She smiles again while I try to stop blushing so profusely.

li "Is that not, perhaps, because you know that it was made for you?"

"She knows too well the warmth her words bring to my cheeks."

"She shakes her head again and her hair is like a rippling waterfall of gold."

li "Then you shall have your music, my most precious muse."

li "If it makes you as happy as you say, I could not ask for a greater reward."

ha "Play me something to dance to."

ha "I don’t think I’ve ever heard that from you."

She smiles back at me again.

li "A tango then."

"Her smile becomes playfully sinister."

li "But then, it takes two for that."

ha "You’re here, aren’t you?"

ha "Perhaps I just want to imagine what it would be like to dance with you?"

"Her smile ebbs slightly, but the soft skin of her cheeks reddens so beautifully."

"In her expert hand the bow draws a first long, deep note."

"At first the violin seems to be chattering animatedly with its mistress."

"With a series of brief utterances, the music begins to flow."

"She sways slightly on her feet as her bow draws out an energetic yet oddly haunting tune."

"Sensations of joy and sadness become a passionate, lonely yearning."

"I feel myself smiling and shivering at the same time as the music fills my soul."

"As always, Lily's music is truly the most beautiful of all."

"Past the bittersweet melody, I hear her voice whispering to me."

li "I would gladly dance with you, my love. Unto the end of the world."
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Re: Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

Postby Peorth » Mon Nov 05, 2007 6:46 pm

Thread Necromancy....

Can you write some more? :D
Even if the author is silenced, the performance is stopped, the story will not end.

Whether it's a comedy or a tragedy, if there is cheering, the story will continue on.
Just like the many lives.
For the us who are still in it and still in the journey, send warm blessings.

---We will continue to walk down this path until eternity.
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Re: Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

Postby Penguinmayhem » Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:08 pm

Anything in particular? Though I can't promise to grant wishes, my creativity seems to do whatever it likes most of the time. Was contemplating some sort of ball or dance function or a party scene next.
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Re: Well that's a good idea, why didn't I have it sooner?

Postby Peorth » Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:41 pm

Muhh...I'm not sure, whatever floats your boat....a ball/dance scene might be nice, go for that :D

Edit:
As long as it's with two of the girls :P I'm not in the mood for straightness right now XD


Seriously though, do whatever you like :D
Even if the author is silenced, the performance is stopped, the story will not end.

Whether it's a comedy or a tragedy, if there is cheering, the story will continue on.
Just like the many lives.
For the us who are still in it and still in the journey, send warm blessings.

---We will continue to walk down this path until eternity.
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