Post
by ProfAllister » Mon Aug 04, 2014 10:48 am
Well, this is a difficult question to answer because of all the complicating factors, unexpected developments, etc. Seeing as I'm not in the life insurance business, I don't have experience referring to actuarial tables or the like. However, I'm going to take a guess at the ages for each of the good endings, based on rigorous analysis of the respective texts.
Lilly: Age 34 - Death by Snu-Snu (Snu-Snu being the adorable mascot of a popular children's TV show). While watching with his daughter, the TV show triggers an epileptic fit, Hisao bites off his tongue, chokes on it, and dies.
Hanako: Age 27, 3 months, and 6 days - Muffinocalypse. A freak sequence of events leads to the creation of an army of sentient bloodthirsty muffin men, who exterminate humanity with extreme prejudice.
Rin: Age 79 - Old age, dies in his sleep.
Emi: Age 63 - The experiments of a mad scientist lead to the premature heat death of the universe on April 20, 2052.
Shizune: Age 47 - Hisao is murdered by Mayoi, who proceeds to devour his soul in a satanic ritual. Hideaki manages to destroy the undead witch through the power of manly biceps, but he's too late to save Hisao.