Post
by LordMarluxia » Wed Aug 06, 2014 4:46 pm
Life After Hanako . Day 3
(that was yesterday)
Woke up drenched in sweat again. Took a fast shower and took my dog out for the morning walk. All the while I felt my heart being squeezed mercilessly, my stomach feeling like I was punched repeatedly. I thought that this day, that was supposed to be good or even great, will turn out miserable like the past couple of days.
I managed to control myself of the way to work and listened to the regional classical music radio station instead of popping my USB drive and listening to the OST again.
The day at office was slow, something I didn't expect. I caught glimpses of some of my co-workers looking at me when I was supposed to be focused. Again I resisted the temptation to listen to the OST again. Instead I settled with some the GazettE playlist, followed by some Ted Weems.
Somehow at lunch, I felt a bit lighter. My heart wasn't being squeezed anymore, my stomach was fine and I was able to eat (I haven't eaten much since Sunday).
I remember that I should be happy, for her and for me, after all, 4 years of love is something! We already celebrated on the weekend but I decided to out after work and get some flowers for her. Turns out the florist died a week before, so no flowers. Everything else was already closed. After 1 hour in traffic, I meet with her I go for a walk, check a wine party nearby, eat ice cream, she gives me Haruki Murakami's Sleep and I take her home. We start taking pictures in the area surrounding her house. And that's it starts coming back. It took me a while to realize it was because the music on the USB drive looped and it reached the OST again. She asks me what's wrong, we talk about it for a little while but it was getting late and she had to go.
That night, while I was a bit better then I was that morning, I was still feeling lost. Then a kind user here pointed me to the Sisterhood fanfiction.
It managed to sooth me (I'm still in chapter 8 though) like nothing could before. The squeezing stopped, the sweating calmed down and I was able to go to get and rest.
Life After Hanako . Day 4
(today)
Woke up, no sweat. I was still thinking about it for a while. Listened to the same classical radio station on my way to work. Another slow day.
For some reason, one of my male co-workers came to talk to me, asking me what was wrong. He said the female co-workers were worried that something bad had happened because it was the third day I came to work looking miserable. I told I was fine but thanked him for worrying.
My heart wasn't being squeezed anymore. I decided to try and listen to the OST today while working.
It felt good, but sad at the same time. Some tracks that I enjoyed now gave a feeling of nostalgia. I wondered why, and I came to the realization that it was because I'll never play KS for the first time again. Is anyone here sad for this particular reason? I'm an hardcore gamer, I play a variety of genres but I am not sad that I'll never play Persona 4 (my favourite game) and Final Fantasy X for the first time ever again... I don't know how to describe this.
Tracks like Fripperies and Everyday Fantasy sent shivers down my spine for the first time. I skipped Raindrops and Puddles because I knew what was going to happen. Did the same with Painful History. Then Concord came and I became emotional again. I didn't know why! I haven't played Lily's route yet!! Parity managed to cheer me up!
I got off work on time because from all the new guys there, I'm the King of Get-Shit-Done.
Thought about KS all the way back to my town. Picked up girlfriend and spend some time with her. Managed to not think about KS for a while. Then I took her home.
Came back and wrote all this shit. I think I'm ready to go after Shizune tomorrow, as long as Hanako doesn't appear too many times.
Thanks for reading! Cheers!
Reading: Kafka on the Shore - Haruki Murakami; Fractured - Karin Slaughter
Playing: Sniper Ghost Warrior 2; Far Cry 3; Dragon's Crown
Cat: "Where are you going?" Alice: "Which way should I go?"
Cat: "That depends on where you are going." Alice: "I don’t know."
Cat: "Then it doesn’t matter which way you go."