Troubling thought

[KanKan]

I’m apologizing now for the wall of text that is likely to appear in the next few minutes, if you read it I appreciate it.
Truth be told, I’m confused.
After playing this game through three of the happy endings (Emi, Hanako, and Lilly), I find myself feeling strange. I have a pit in my chest, an odd feeling that only comes around when I have something to think about or reflect on. After working through school, truly only paying attention to my own thoughts, I think I have come to the conclusion I’ve so frantically sought after.
You see, love has always been a very odd subject for me. In past relationships and even my current one (I’m 17), I’ve been told that I’m loved – but I find myself unable to reciprocate. I always found that love should be unconditional, and though I felt awful, I felt that I should be honest and would always respond with, “I’m not there yet.” Truth be told, I don’t think I wanted to be there. At such a young age, I figured love would be something that I would likely come across later in life; when I got there, I thought that I would know the feeling right away…now I’m not so sure.
What this game seems to have done for me is provide an example of perfect love, something that I’m not even sure is possible. After browsing the forums, I’ve found that people seem to be “in love” with some of the characters – or even the idea of them. This is not the case for me; rather I believe that I’m in love with love. The past few days, I’ve been confused as to why I’ve been feeling down. I think I may have come to a (possibly false) realization that what this game has mapped out for me is either impossible or so rare that I’m not likely to experience it. This deep state of reflection I find myself in so often usually lasts about a week, but I feel this time is different… I suppose I would find it comforting to know if anyone has honestly felt the feelings that are in this game (and have had them reciprocated. The closest relation I can find is the song Better Together by Jack Johnson…I’ve been listening to it on repeat for the past hour and a half or so). At the beginning of my current relationship, I was so excited and the feelings of love likely weren’t far from my mind. Now I’m nearing our 6th month anniversary and I don’t think I’ll be getting there.
I don’t know if I’m worried that I won’t find love, or that I’m convinced that absolutely pure and true love may not exist. The good ending of Lilly’s path (I won’t spoil it), was so heart wrenchingly beautiful that a single tear dropped from my eye out of pure happiness. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I genuinely hope that love that strong and pure actually can exist in life – and even more so that I am able to experience it (even MORE so that I’m capable of it).
The point of this post was not only to get my thoughts out a little bit, but also to ask the opinion of others. Is anyone else feeling this way, if so, how are you coping with it?
If you’ve made it this far, I truly appreciate it. If you respond, I appreciate it even more.
Thanks

[OtakuNinja]

You need 2 threads to express your feels? That's a new one...

[KanKan]

Then delete the other one, I'm just expressing my concerns and seeing if anyone can relate

[Parliament]

Come on Otaku there's no need to poke fun. I posted a much, much longer novel with personal details some people thought were inappropriate even for a forum for a game with hentai scenes and I didn't get criticized. Even considering that though I left out some of the nastier stuff lol =)

This game fills your mind with the same chemicals you'd get from a real relationship and once they're gone you realize nothing can really live up to the girls in KS. That isn't a bad thing though- I realized after I finished the game and a very long first post that all the energies you get from KS can be focused on improving yourself and your surroundings.

I find myself wishing for a girl like Shizune who would challenge me every day, or someone like Emi who would push me to be my best- but then I realize I shouldn't be looking out in the world for someone to improve me, I have the tools to do it myself.
I don't know who's quote this is but it goes something like "How can you know what you want in someone else when you don't know what you want from yourself?"

Before I found KS I struggled to get out of bed each morning or find a reason to spend time with anyone, but I've been realizing how simple it is to get out of this mindset- cut out the reasons you have to be by yourself playing video games and just do something. Doesn't matter how big or small it is, just find an outlet. Be it writing, reading, running, lifting, playing some pickup sports at a park, or spending time with people you like, I find the more things I do that aren't video games, the happier I am.

I doubt there's such a thing as a perfect relationship out there for anyone, so whether or not 'true love' is out there, I'm doing my best to just say fuck it I'll be myself and see if someone comes along. That way, whether or not I find them, I have fun =)

I wish I had some advice that relates directly to you but honestly that would be presuming to understand your situation, which I can't without being you. So unfortunately all I can do is tell you about my situation and hope it relates.


As far as music- here you go bruv. No idea why but I've been on a Hugh Laurie kick recently.

[Mirage_GSM]

What this game seems to have done for me is provide an example of perfect love, something that I’m not even sure is possible.

What I like about KS is that it does not provide examples of perfect love.
All the relationships in all paths are imperfect - flawed, and that is exactly why they feel more real than the "perfect" relationships in other VNs/anime.

[Steinherz]

What this game seems to have done for me is provide an example of perfect love, something that I’m not even sure is possible.

What I like about KS is that it does not provide examples of perfect love.
All the relationships in all paths are imperfect - flawed, and that is exactly why they feel more real than the "perfect" relationships in other VNs/anime.

perhaps that's what the OP meant? The flaws in the relationships are what makes them perfect. Or I'm just reading too much into it

[KanKan]

By perfect relationship I mean how much the main character seems to care about the girl of your choosing (and how much is reciprocated). The couple (whomever you may end up with) is filled with unconditional love...or so it seemed so to me

[Mirage_GSM]

Unconditional love? Are you sure you've been reading the same VN as the rest of us?
Lilly came this close to simply ditching Hisao, Hanako seduced him to overcome her self-doubts and Emi almost left him because she didn't want him to get too close. I won't get started on Rin, because you haven't read that path yet.
Yes, the final scenes are all butterflies in every route, but none of those relationships will be "perfect" in the future.

[pandaphil]

Yes, hardly perfect. but bythe end we're left feeling hopeful. You finish each arc with the hope that they can support one another and work through their problems to be a lifelong couple. Will their romance even survive college? Who knows?

To me though the story is just as much about people helping and supporting each other as it is about love and sex.


Anyway KanKan, welcome to the board, and what is commonly referred to as "The Feels". Pardon the snippy comments. If you look through the board, you'll find probably hundreds of topics similar to yours. We've all been there my friend. Some of us just seem to have forgotten what its like.

[YZQ]

Yes, hardly perfect. but bythe end we're left feeling hopeful. You finish each arc with the hope that they can support one another and work through their problems to be a lifelong couple. Will their romance even survive college? Who knows?

To me though the story is just as much about people helping and supporting each other as it is about love and sex.


Anyway KanKan, welcome to the board, and what is commonly referred to as "The Feels". Pardon the snippy comments. If you look through the board, you'll find probably hundreds of topics similar to yours. We've all been there my friend. Some of us just seem to have forgotten what its like.

Cue me nerd-raging at the lack of inter-pairing interactions.

[Dr. Casey]

Yes, the final scenes are all butterflies in every route, but none of those relationships will be "perfect" in the future.

Hm, I'm not sure if you're simply saying that the relationships will be imperfect just as every other relationship in history is imperfect (which is of course true), or if you mean that the problems which existed during the game will rear their head again in the future and the relationships will be significantly damaged ones. Perfect might be too strong a word, but I do think at the least Hisao's relationships with Hanako and Lilly will be very healthy ones and serve as good models for what relationships should be like.

Yes, hardly perfect. but bythe end we're left feeling hopeful. You finish each arc with the hope that they can support one another and work through their problems to be a lifelong couple. Will their romance even survive college? Who knows?

Hmm... excluding Shizune (who I think split up from Hisao after graduating from Yamaku, or at least that's what another poster said), I have the most faith in Hisao x Hanako being an enduring relationship. Hisao and Hanako are both very mature, seriousminded kids, so not really the type to grow bored with their partner quickly, and considering how maladjusted is and how she spent much of her childhood and adolescence lonely and love-starved, she wouldn't be willing to separate from Hisao unless there was a desperate need to do so. Lilly's also well-equipped for a long-term relationship, but I could see her ending a relationship (not a marriage, but a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship) were it necessary for her career or education. Rin is kind of a question mark... I could see them having problems later down the road. I don't foresee Hisao having any problems with Emi in the future now that she's overcome her intimacy issues and is taking the relationship seriously, but if problems did arise I think she would disengage easier than Hanako.

[YZQ]

I'll say that Shizune is the most likely girl to initiate a split. She is headstrong, no doubts about that. If that doesn't change, I can see her going it alone pretty much her whole life.

For Lily, I'm not so sure. She seemed to have learnt the lesson that sometimes, it is ok to think about yourself first. As long as she is maintaining a relationship with Hisao, it is not likely that they will split. Remember: She already defied her parents by staying in Japan, and Lord knows that all the good fan fiction dealt with the potential fallout from that.

[Steinherz]

I'll say that Shizune is the most likely girl to initiate a split. She is headstrong, no doubts about that. If that doesn't change, I can see her going it alone pretty much her whole life.

For Lily, I'm not so sure. She seemed to have learnt the lesson that sometimes, it is ok to think about yourself first. As long as she is maintaining a relationship with Hisao, it is not likely that they will split. Remember: She already defied her parents by staying in Japan, and Lord knows that all the good fan fiction dealt with the potential fallout from that.

you know that second part reminded me of something. I read an awesome epilogue fan-fic (taking place shortly after Hisao's hospital visit in Lilly's end. It left on a cliffhanger making me think Lilly's father mat have attacked Hisao. Never was continued after that.

[Xanatos]

I'll say that Shizune is the most likely girl to initiate a split. She is headstrong, no doubts about that. If that doesn't change, I can see her going it alone pretty much her whole life.

For Lily, I'm not so sure. She seemed to have learnt the lesson that sometimes, it is ok to think about yourself first. As long as she is maintaining a relationship with Hisao, it is not likely that they will split. Remember: She already defied her parents by staying in Japan, and Lord knows that all the good fan fiction dealt with the potential fallout from that.

you know that second part reminded me of something. I read an awesome epilogue fan-fic (taking place shortly after Hisao's hospital visit in Lilly's end. It left on a cliffhanger making me think Lilly's father may have attacked Hisao. Never was continued after that.

That sounds like an incredibly ridiculous epilogue.

@Dr. Casey: We never see what any of them do after graduation. That poster lied.

@Parliament: That advice is terrible for people who actually enjoy video games.

[lukesrp]

Before I found KS I struggled to get out of bed each morning or find a reason to spend time with anyone, but I've been realizing how simple it is to get out of this mindset- cut out the reasons you have to be by yourself playing video games and just do something. Doesn't matter how big or small it is, just find an outlet. Be it writing, reading, running, lifting, playing some pickup sports at a park, or spending time with people you like, I find the more things I do that aren't video games, the happier I am.

Put it perfectly there mate, When you realize what the feeling in your stomach is coming from and you work towards changing, you will never feel better.