Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

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Keneshiro
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Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Keneshiro » Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:33 pm

I'm posting this here since I'd appreaciate some help from you guys. I just felt that the only way I could express myself was via a story. If it's a problem, I'd be glad to move it.
I TLDRed it with questions. The story is meant to give you an idea on how bad it is.
I'm so sorry if i should have posted it somewhere else or not at all.
=========================================================================================================
10th July 2012
I sit back, reeling from what I’ve just experienced. The credits are still rolling but mind is on one single thing, no, person.
Hanako
=
If you told me that I’d be falling in love with a virtual girl, concocted from the minds of 4Leaf studios, in a game about dating girls, I’d call you mad.
To say I’m feeling weird would be a rather huge understatement. I feel sadness and happiness, a rather bittersweet taste at intensity foreign to me, until now. I want to protect her, be with her, but she doesn’t exist.
Or is she?
My mind, in my opinion, is a place of pure chaos. I’ve always been imaginative as a kid, a result from being the alienated fat boy all my life. I guess when the fat kid became the fat guy, my imagination become the many voices in my head, albeit crazy and highly reliant on day dreaming to intrude into my life. I guess it’s partly due to this fact that Hanako seemed to come to life in my mind for the next few days.
=
I’m on reddit and 4chan now. I make a post on the KS forums telling others about these so-called FEELS, an urge that until now, I have managed to suppress. I’m told that this was normal; that I just had a bad case of the FEELS and that I’m not so different after all. Reading Hanako’s bio, I realise that today is her birthday and celebrations were already underway. I creep on the Hanako birthday thread but avoid commenting. I soon have a folder full of artwork of her. I learn about the joke of how she tastes like bacon. I feel half amused, half offended on her behalf. Strange, considering the fact that I’ve never felt that defensive about someone that I just got to know.

11th July 2012

I wake up depressed, a rather empty feeling in my heart for reasons I can’t explain. I start the computer, hear the Windows start up sound and there she is as my wallpaper, offering me a hug. I browse the web for a while but lacking conviction, I switch my laptop off and go about making breakfast.
She is sitting at the table, waiting for me, in my mind. I make myself a cup of coffee and sit down at the table. I spend half an hour staring in to space but in my mind, I’m chatting with her with my imagination acting as both director as well as script writer.
My conscience reminds me that I’ve got to study for my resit in my medical exams. Normally, I’d ignore that nagging voice, but somehow it sounds different today. It tells me to do it for Hanako. I feel galvanised and begin working. It is an odd sensation to be studying while simultaneously imagining her sitting next to me, watching me and providing me with silent support.
My sister returns from school, becoming a catalyst for my imagination. Hanako spends the afternoon interacting with my family and I. An enjoyable afternoon which ends abruptly when I realise that I’ve wasted so much time day dreaming about a girl, an imaginary girl no less, at such an intensity and detail that I’ve never done before. The dream shatters and I realise, with a pang of sadness, that I will probably never meet my Hanako. Ever.
I take my issue to the forums and told that it was entirely possible to meet a girl like Hanako. The cynic in me scoffs at the notion. ‘In what universe, this one?’ I think bitterly. I spend the rest of time googling Hanako and she joins me yet again.
It’s 2am and I’ve convinced myself that it is ENTIRELY possible to meet someone like Hanako. The cynic part of me has been suppressed by ideas of me meeting Hanako in scenes worthy of any romance movie. Love at first sight and all of that tripe.

12th July 2012
I wake up alone, but in my mind with Hanako at my side. I spend my day moping, half anchored in reality, half lost in a fantasy world of Hanako. The obsession, if I dare to call it that, is a double edged sword. It drives me to impress her but saddens me when I emerge into reality.
I look down at my body and come to the decision that I ought to lose some weight. Funny that I never cared how I looked till now. I change, grab my racquet and soon, I’m walking to the courts. I hear a horn and see my friend driving by. He offers to play with me but I politely decline, giving him the excuse that I have only one racquet. In my mind, I’m introducing him to Hanako while she shyly stands behind me. He congratulates me and tells us that we make a great couple. I walk into the courts with a stupid grin on my face for no one to see.
30 minutes later, I’m straggling along. The ball is too fast and I struggle to return my own shots, driving home the point that I am really out of shape. Hanako is teasing, questioning my stamina. I retort by telling her I last where it counts and she turns bright red. I laugh at her reaction while in reality I curse my imagination for taunting me with such happy things.
I get home, shower and start studying. Hanako seems to appear and disappear, flickering even, but is still at the back of my mind. Until I ‘met’ Hanako, I had been unmotivated, unwilling to strive in both studies as well as improving my health. I just didn’t give a fuck. She somehow changed that. Perhaps it’s the adrenaline from the squash game, or perhaps it’s my imagination losing its grip, but Hanako becomes more and more vague. I panic and feel relieved at the same time. She has turned my life upside down, in both good ways and bad. She has become my driving force as well as the road block to my future.
It’s confusing, depressing and uplifting all at once to have an imaginary Hanako cheering me onward. But is this unhealthy? Am I going mad? Mind you, going mad over Hanako doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Do I continue moving forward like this? Or do I banish these FEELS? There is no middle ground. I consider asking the guys on the forums, but how do I express myself. And then a stroke of inspiration, perhaps brought about by Hanako.
A story. A story of sorts.
=========================================================================================================================================================

1) is it healthy to be so obsessed over Hanako?
2) I don't want to forget her! But what if I live on wihtout meeting anyone like her? I'd become one grumpy guy, that's for sure.
3) She changed me, and now I'm obssessed. What do I do?
Image <<< The waifu
Image
i write crazy stories: A Visit to the Hospital

roachysoap

Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by roachysoap » Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:43 pm

Do it for her. You won't meet THE Hanako, but you will meet YOUR Hanako.

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Xanatos
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Xanatos » Thu Jul 12, 2012 3:47 pm

All your apologies over posting this make you sound like Yuuko. Heh. Anyway...


1) Is it healthy? That's for you to answer: Unless it interferes heavily with daily living, I'd say it's healthy enough. You seem to be okay though so it's certainly not UNhealthy. What you have is not unlike an imaginary friend and, sometimes, we need them. So is it healthy? No. But neither is browsing forums. You see, "healthy" is a tricky word. Most things are not healthy but also not unhealthy. They are neutral: They don't particularly boost health but neither will they diminish it. Few things are actually healthy in this world: The question you need to ask is "Is it unhealthy?" - No. No it's not. And if it drives you forward, I'd say that's positive enough to call it healthy anyway.

2) This is the question. "What if I don't find what I want?"...And the answer is a very sad one. Don't look for Hanako though: Look for someone sharing the qualities that draw you to Hanako. Your Hanako. If you never find that, well...then the cynic in you is justified.

3) See the above. Use her as support and a driving force if you like but, in between, search for your own Hanako. That's how you can keep going. Keep Hanako with you if it makes you happy or gives you support...But don't forget to move forward too. She can support you in that endeavor as much as anything. After all, a shy girl like Hanako is much more comfortable supporting you from the sidelines than being your focus.

I'm looking for the same, my friend. You're not the only one to imagine these things...

If you need to vent anything at all, take a stroll down to Hanako's Broken Heart Club. We've all got our stories...Mine's on page 78, just for the sake of sharing. You'll always find open ears there.
Last edited by Xanatos on Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.
<KeiichiO>: "I wonder what Misha's WAHAHA's sound like with a cock stuffed down her throat..."
<Ascension>: "I laughed, cried, vomited in my mouth a little, and even had time for marshmallows afterwards. Well played, Xanatos. Well played."
<KeiichiO>: "That's a beautiful response to chocolate."

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Camoufrage
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Camoufrage » Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:28 pm

1. Obviously, being obsessed with anything is unhealthy. But the word "obsessed" can be taken multiple ways. You can be obsessed with a movie or a game or a type of media in general, but its not that much of a problem. But being obsessed with something to where itll be an interference and a nuisence to others, THAT is a bad obsession. But no, obsessions in general are never healthy.

2. You wont meet someone exactly like her. Face it, the person someone writes about in a story will NEVER be a carbon copy of someone in real life. Something you just gotta deal with.

3. What you have to do is face your fear and either get this character out of your head permanently or embrace her and use it to make your life better. My suggestion would to be to stop having her in your head as a romantic partner but as a friend to help you through your personal and physical problems in life, romantic or otherwise.

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Pyramid Head
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Pyramid Head » Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:37 pm

It's bad for ya, but it's also why we turn towards good items. We live on a world overwhelmed with and ruled by some of the most filthy animals you can imagine, and escapism exists so you can easily find animals you don't find filthy or so you can kill the animals without giving into cannibalistic urges since regardless of how much you deny it you're one of those filthy animals. Since barring the existence of The Matrix you'll never get to meet your beloved creation of binary code, all you can really do is just be more open minded and adjust your expectations in the real world because in the end the animal you come to love like the binary code will make you work your ass off before you earn his or her affection. But if that sounds like too much work don't even fucking bother and just find a talent to exploit so you can live comfortably, it's not actually a requirement that you get married and fuck and reproduce at a certain stage of life, pills make it possible for you to do so pretty late in your life so you should just take your time and get as much experience in your life.

And Hanako fan art should cover the rest.
The fear of blood tends to create fear for the flesh.

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ravenlord
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by ravenlord » Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:51 pm

It's normal -- it just takes time to mellow it and incorporate it into a positive motivation setting.

Hanako has been my main inspiration since playing KS -- Shizune also, to a lesser extent.

I always refer to this too:

Image
Hanako>Shizune>Lilly>Emi>Rin {100% complete}
Image
"痘痕も靨" (If there is love, then smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples) ~ Japanese proverb

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Pseudogenesis
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Pseudogenesis » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:14 pm

It seems like you've got that link ready for every occasion, Raven. :p
Image
The biggest dilemma in Katawa Shoujo:
'Should I recommend this to my friends or do I want them to continue to see me as mentally healthy?'

Mashup of the month: "Damn It Feels Good To Be a Cripple"

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dwarduk
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by dwarduk » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:16 pm

Probably already been said by the time I remembered to click submit (I started the reply before there were any others), but don't do anything for Hanako; do whatever it is for yourself because that's what you now want to do. If Hanako influenced you to make you want to do it, that's great!
Image
Meiko will be my waifu. I swear it on my honour. </Zuko>

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ravenlord
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by ravenlord » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:35 pm

Pseudogenesis wrote:It seems like you've got that link ready for every occasion, Raven. :p
Yeah it is like first aid for the feels, especially for those not expecting it :)

Here is another I will start using too --

Image
Hanako>Shizune>Lilly>Emi>Rin {100% complete}
Image
"痘痕も靨" (If there is love, then smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples) ~ Japanese proverb

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Tununias
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Tununias » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:46 pm

Imagine that you're Hanako reading your post.
Image

One of my hobbies is coloring anime style linearts. My avatar is the first lineart I've colored.
http://tununias.deviantart.com/

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Ascended Flutist
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Ascended Flutist » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:48 pm

1) Does it matter? It'll fade over time anyway. You are obsessed with Hanako. Use that. You said you're a cynic, well, get that to working. Turn your obsession into something useful. Change yourself for the better. I'll cut the pep talk and say it outright : Unless you're really, really obsessed with her, chances are it won't do much. And the longer you wait, the less you'll accomplish. So whatever you think you passion can fuel, fuel it now. Not doing so is a missed opportunity.

2) Maximize your chances : do sports to shape up a bit, and go to libraries, or other places where people such as her would go. I dunno. Books are great anyway. Discuss with the classmates that share traits with her, if you have the luck to have such people. If not, well, I'm not surprised. But don't let it deter you.

3) See 1). If you're not in a position to really do anything constructive about it, do fan stuff. You better have a damn good reason to give that up though. Missed opportunities, remember?
Fan art, fanfic, whatever. 4chan isn't the healthiest of places to hang out in, but I'm not you, so do what you want. When I begun my fanfic series, I didn't have a clue what to do (and it showed, oh god). I hadn't written fiction at all since the 8th grade. I'm 21.
All I had was ideas, so I wrote them. It was painful, but you learn. I can safely say I have a better grasp of the English language because of those (English isn't my primary), and the scores I had in my english exams were so high I blinked a couples times when I saw them (something like 90/100 on average).

What I'm trying to say is that improving thanks to KS isn't impossible, hell, I don't think it's even that uncommon. And I'm a cynic as well, you can thank middle school for that.
And to live in Peace A post Hanako Good End fanfiction. That about sums it up.

Fanfics Thou shalt not regret reading : Bloodline, Doomish's Misha Pseudo-route, Rika's Story, A Pseudo-pseudo Suzu Route.
There are many other apocryphas worth reading in the fanfiction section. Do yourself a favor, dig them up and read them. Reading is good.

Nice hat.

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Nekken
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Nekken » Thu Jul 12, 2012 5:52 pm

Pseudogenesis wrote:It seems like you've got that link ready for every occasion, Raven. :p
There are a lot of people who need it.
Falling in love is a volcano. Being in love is a kotatsu.

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Xanatos
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Xanatos » Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:17 pm

ravenlord wrote:
Pseudogenesis wrote:It seems like you've got that link ready for every occasion, Raven. :p
Yeah it is like first aid for the feels, especially for those not expecting it :)

Here is another I will start using too --

Image

...What? NO, I'M NOT TEARING UP! I'm a man, dammit!

...

Ah screw it.

Image
<KeiichiO>: "I wonder what Misha's WAHAHA's sound like with a cock stuffed down her throat..."
<Ascension>: "I laughed, cried, vomited in my mouth a little, and even had time for marshmallows afterwards. Well played, Xanatos. Well played."
<KeiichiO>: "That's a beautiful response to chocolate."

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yummines
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by yummines » Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:43 pm

relax. honestly, when i came to the realization i would never be able to meet Rin in real life, i was quite depressed myself.

however soon after you have to realize that you won't meet the Hanako in your life (that's literally impossible) you may be able to meet your Hanako in life. there really is no such thing as a unique personality in a world populated by over 5 billion people. heck the USA itself has 313 million people. thats somewhere to start.

to be very frank, there is no such thing as a soul-mate or the perfect couple. that is a very romantic ideal. rather, you just have to find someone who you can stand, and can stand you. do not give up on someone because you feel you are holding them back either.

there is no perfect someone. nothing ever in the world lives up to what you feel inside. you simply have to find happiness where you can.

if you can do that, you win. you beat the game of life. thats the only thing thats necessary.

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Snow_Storm
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Re: Can't get Hanako out of my mind.

Post by Snow_Storm » Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:50 pm

Just find yourself a 18-year-old orphan girl, set half her body on fire and viola! You own Hanako!

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