zanger wrote:Yea but how many of them have been in such a relationship? A person exhibiting some of Hanako's characteristics (depression, withdrawal) pushes people away. And when they act like that towards people who care about them, it isn't something most will put up with, regardless of whatever romantic misconceptions they have formed in their mind prior to that.Brodoin wrote:This is true.Renkinjutsushi wrote: If you need proof, look at all the guys just absolutely baring their souls for Hanako all over this forum. Why is that? Because they so desperately wish they could get to know a girl like that - a shy, bookish girl who constantly looks at the floor and never knows the right thing to say. They feel in their hearts that they could be most happy with a girl like Hanako, and if what you say about yourself is true, exactly like you as well.
I know what both of you mean. I was too young with "S" and I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into. There were many "explosions of pent-up emotions." Screaming, hitting, threats, all of it. I don't think she was ready for a real relationship yet. My only point was that many of the self-perceptions of "I'm worthless, nobody can truly love me" aren't based in fact at all. I know because I suffered some of the same feelings. S definitely did, and in the end I think she pushed me away because of it.axlryder wrote:This is completely true. So many people want to jump into this sort of relationship but don't really understand the implications of it. Of course everyone is different, but It's not like you're going to hold and cuddle that persona and suddenly there aren't going to be anymore road blocks in the relationship. Often times people will actively sabotage the relationship when someone gets too close. That or they simply won't open up either because they can't or they refuse. Also consider that the amount of pent up emotional energy such a person has is more likely than not going to explode all over the one who dates them because it's at that point that they might start letting their guard down. Plus, simply being in such a relationship may seem nice, but it's amazing how often people aren't satisfied once they get exactly what they want. Or at least, what they think they want.
Believe it or not, I really think the mirror speaking routine I talked about can help. I've done it, a lot of professional therapists will recommend similar positive affirmations. Often, we look at ourselves in the mirror and only see things not to like. By creating a new way of looking at yourself, recognizing that it's "Okay to be who I am," you can start to deal with a few of those negative feelings and prepare yourself for the possibility that someday, somebody will love you for who you are. It takes time. It's not easy. But it is possible.
I dealt with a lot of depression and isolation in middle & high school. Eventually, I learned to move past it. I stopped trying to change who I was, and instead embraced all the qualities that people had teased me about (nerd, glasses, good grades, bad at sports, awkward with girls). Once I did that, I started purposely seeking out people more like myself, instead of standing around at the periphery of social groups that would probably never truly accept me. Slowly, I started making more friends, and even meeting nice girls. When you are both shy and introverted, it can be hard. There are a lot of walls to break down, a lot of trust that has to be earned. But in my opinion the end result (friendship & happiness) is even more satisfying because of those same difficulties.