Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Via]

I guess it's time I tell a story too. Two of them, in fact. My past story, if it can be of help to anyone, and my current story, for my own sake.

I believe it was around 3 years ago. At that time our class had been mixed up and there were a bunch of people I had no relations with. I had always been a person of few friends, and I liked it that way. But I was sepparated with one of those friends, and I grew distant with the other. There was no actual reason for that. We simply didn't hang out as much as always and stopped talking about the things we liked. I was also a quiet person. Didn't like joining big groups, or playing soccer with everyone, or going to parties. Anyway, at some point, some people started to bully me. It was a group of 3 or 4 people. At first, I didn't really care, kept on with my life. But those 3 or 4 became really "influential" at our class. More and more people started to join the bullying. At first, it was only shouting things or writing at my desk, which could be considered quite "normal", y'know. It became serious when the whole class was against me. Well, maybe not the "whole" class, but most of them joined in when something was done against me. It even went to physical, sticking spikes in my chair, something I had only seen in cartoons. They bullied me about every mistake I did, and even things I wasn't involved with. They tried to frame me of some incidents too (they never succeeded though). I was feeling pretty desperate at the time. I had no one I could call a friend. Going to school became a nightmare (I still went). I tried to "change myself", not commiting mistakes, ignoring al the bullying, trying to get away from that. But it was no use.

I guess it was around that time that I became interested in anime. At first I only watched Naruto at youtube, and then started to discover other series. I felt amazed. The stories were so different from what I was used to, yet they were much more interesting and fun to watch. It drew me in. I also started to play videogames, RPGs to be exact, and found the same feeling in games like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts and Persona. They cheered me up, gave me hope to keep on going. Why? Maybe because I had found something that I liked in life.

Looking back at it, I had always been a creative kid, though I noticed only recently. While I searched through a forum, I found some kind of "competition", writing a novel of 50.000 words in a month. Sounded interesting, but I had never tried writing. Before it started, I considered the idea, and thanks to all the material I had from animes and games, I thought up a plot and started writing on the designated time.

It was amazingly fun. I had to rush and write whatever came to my mind, but it was fun. The most fun I ever had in my life. When I finished the novel, I felt great, and decided to keep on going. Some time later, I said to myself that I wanted to become a writer. I never had a clear goal on my future, so it was a great boost of confidence. Yeah, I had a future, and I wasn't going to let some stupid people to take it away from me. I confronted the whole class, explained how was I feeling, told them what I thought, and tried to resolve the problem. Amazingly, it worked. Right now I have befriended most of them. I'm also more cheerful. And I still write, of course, at least an hour per day. Submitted some things to literary prizes, though I'm still far away from winning anything. I believe the moral of this story is to not give up hope and rely on what you love to keep on going.

Uff, that was a lot... Well, I'll make this shorted. Recently, I've been feeling quite lonely. My past problems are resolved, I can even say I'm "happy", but, well... I feel lonely. Though I have friends, I don't feel "close" to any of them. I don't have lots of people I can talk to about anime or games (I think only one friend would hear me and actually undestand something). I've been also going less and less to our group meets or parties. It's not that I don't want to be with them, I simply have no interest most of the time. But I think that is making us grow apart even more. And finally, even though I would like to have a girlfriend, I don't have many female friends (all-boys school, meh...), although I do have a "fairly close" female friend, but I don't see her that way.

Sorry for the long post ^_^. Just wanted to share something with you people.

[mysterycycle]

Via:
Sorry to hear about the lousy school experiences. I went to public school in a relatively rural area (not like farm-rural, but definitely not in a city) and even what little bullying I had to deal with wasn't all that bad. What few things I've read about all-boys' schools suggested that bullying could get pretty bad. It boggles my mind how things can get so out of hand that a single person would be marked for bullying by so many people, but of course, kids can be cruel bastards, trapped on a deserted island or not. I'm really glad (and impressed) that you managed to turn things around!

I hope that you can manage to find more friends, especially ones who can share your interest in anime and games. I was really surprised to learn how many people were interested in that sort of thing - both guys and girls - when I went to art school. This was in the Midwestern U.S., though the school was one of the few that had a comics program, so I expect that made a difference. In any case, those people are out there, and they are legion. I hope you're able to connect with some soon!

Gandara:
I agree with Walrusfella. There are worse reasons to do volunteer work, and yeah, it sounds like your heart is in the right place. It's not like you're being a fake, pretending to care about something that you don't really. I mean, yeah, you don't want to think of it as a meat market, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to meet new people. And you're helping people while hoping for that to happen, so hey - win/win.

[ArazelEternal]

But, god damn... I am so lonely. It really sucks.

I understand that love is something that needs to be fostered, but I need to actually meet someone first to begin fostering such feelings. I'm not looking for instant zap soulmate... I know it'll take work... but damn it.

Christ, I sound pathetic.

Yes, loneliness sucks. Ive been there. Im still there. You are not pathetic though. Humans need companionship. Pure and simple. Most, if not all of us arent quite right without it. It would be so wonderful to find someone. However in my case, I have to actually try finding them and meeting them, which I dont put any effort into. My big problem is I dont trust anyone. I dont trust her not to play me, take me for everything I am worth, then leave me even more broken than I was before.

So yeah, I know where your coming from.

[Total Destruction]

wanting some strange and being kinda bummed about wanting some strange

Dude, every mildly heterosexual man's got that in spades, even if their scruples are a little lacking. Don't sweat it. Just do you by you.

Jesus. I say that to everything now. Might as well just make me a bot already.

@Xiious: Hey, no way in hell I deserve a shoutout. The only way I learn is by making lots of mistakes. Still, respect. And trust it, man. Nothing to worry about, you've GOT this.

storytime

Yeah, school's nuts. I'm not a fan, but you gotta jump through the hoops, yanno. Good that you found an outlet, though, and props for knocking out a novel in a month. Hell, a simple poem takes me like rwice that to nail down to a science. And don't worry about chick stuff. I'm no Casanova, but I know that a killer attitude, a bit of patience, and a willingness to take a hit and put yourself out there goes a long way, and even then happenstance, uh, happens sometimes and decides to do its own damned thing, so what do I know? Hahah.

[MajorCoder]

I am on page 20, almost there.

[The O.H.L.]

I know I very rarely post in this thread. But please don't lose hope. I'm still reading everyone's stories and tales.
I may not be the best for advice, but let it be known that I am taking into consideration everyone's problems here and thinking deeply about each and every one of them.

[hanako69]

Sorry for my previous comment, seems that friend decided to be an asswipe.

[Guest]

LOL U FUCKING FAGGOTS GO GET A FUCKING LIFE AND STOP QQING OVER A FUCKING BURNT ASS GIRL

Aw, how cute, it learned to use the internet.

[ArazelEternal]

@hanako69: If it was up to me I would have just pema-banned your ass. We don't need comments like that on this forum or especially in this thread where people come to get issues off their chests and insight from others! Go take your piss-poor attitude and whining where someone actually cares about trolls like you! If you could only hear the venom in my words...

[Guest]

@hanako69: If it was up to me I would have just pema-banned your ass. We don't need comments like that on this forum or especially in this thread where people come to get issues off their chests and insight from others! Go take your piss-poor attitude and whining where someone actually cares about trolls like you! If you could only hear the venom in my words...

Don't waste words. The idiot didn't even read a single post in the topic.

[Surreal-mind]

But, god damn... I am so lonely. It really sucks.

I might suck at giving advice, but here it goes anyway;
In my opinion you're doing the right thing by staying away from bars and such. You'll never find good people there, it's the wrong place to find something like a "soulmate" or even friends. Volunteer work really sounds like a great idea, it's the right place to meet good people that are actually worth something. (unlike those useless fucks at bars)
The whole deal doesn't sound selfish to me, so go for it.

Christ, I sound pathetic.

No, you don't !
I understand how you feel, there has never been anyone remotely special in my life. (and that sucks)
I kinda have the same problems as ArazelEternal too, so I understand you.
But if there's one thing you guys have taught me, is that it's completely normal to want to share your life with someone special, there's nothing wrong about feeling the way we do.
And I guess what's really important right now is that we're all trying to change things and fix our lives.

[The O.H.L.]

LOL U FUCKING FAGGOTS GO GET A FUCKING LIFE AND STOP QQING OVER A FUCKING BURNT ASS GIRL

This, coming from a user named hanako69 is a little hypocritical.
>Assuming thread isn't about getting lives

[Hadokant]

*Sigh* This is my third time posting here about my probelms and it feels talking about probelms but it feels a little weird
Well idk if this is the best place for advice but here goes
I broke up with first gf (dw we were always good friends so no hard feelings there) and now my middle school crush confessed to me. My mind just plain exploded and when the bell rang i ran as fast as i could. And after i saw her after school i confessed my love and it was all sappy. But she had a bf and i felt guilty. i felt like i was being used as just a toy. After a while i told her she needed to choose one. She didn't want to lose any of us but i told her that it was wrong manupliating the two of us to your needs. I told her that i will respect all descions she makes and to not worry over my or his reactions. Just follow your heart and choose. Next day she choose her bf over me. And worst part was that it was the last day of school for me so i lost my chiper mood for the rest of the day. I told her that i would respect all of her descions but now i feel so torn apart right now. I can't talk with her or text herbwithout it being awkward. Even if i couldn't be her bf i wanted to be at least her friend. Someone she can really on. But now the both of us don't say a thing when we hang out. So if you can any advice you can give?
God i feel like such a pathetic drama queen right now
P.S: for those who read My previous stories: In hindsight, I feel the pain I inflected to others in the past which made me feel a bit better

[Kouryuu]

Eh just something I want to get off my chest as I noticed alot of people saying they were lonely etc.

I am completely alone apart from family. And I love it, I hate people, I can't handle relationships or friendships. I felt worse when I tried, I just drive myself insane with how people are. It's not their fault if I had to deal with myself I would go more insane. I prefer solitude. I play online games but I dont make friends with anyone, they are just team-mates that I can leave at any time.

It's not just a sudden thing, its been this way for years and the years before that was just slowly losing all friends from school, I never had a friend for more than 3 months before I hated them. There was only one person that lasted longer and well... I let my depression ruin that (I am over my depression now dw).

I guess its why I get so attached to fictional characters, they are written and usually ideal even if in an unideal way, if that makes any sense. I feel more comfortable I guess. Hmm I dont know how to describe it. Like people are too unpredictable and fictional characters are just...easier to understand? You can always go back and 'study' them and make sense of them, whereas people just.... wtf.

I just want to know why loneliness is a bad thing because its amazing for me.

[Guest]

*Sigh* This is my third time posting here about my probelms and it feels talking about probelms but it feels a little weird
Well idk if this is the best place for advice but here goes
I broke up with first gf (dw we were always good friends so no hard feelings there) and now my middle school crush confessed to me. My mind just plain exploded and when the bell rang i ran as fast as i could. And after i saw her after school i confessed my love and it was all sappy. But she had a bf and i felt guilty. i felt like i was being used as just a toy. After a while i told her she needed to choose one. She didn't want to lose any of us but i told her that it was wrong manupliating the two of us to your needs. I told her that i will respect all descions she makes and to not worry over my or his reactions. Just follow your heart and choose. Next day she choose her bf over me. And worst part was that it was the last day of school for me so i lost my chiper mood for the rest of the day. I told her that i would respect all of her descions but now i feel so torn apart right now. I can't talk with her or text herbwithout it being awkward. Even if i couldn't be her bf i wanted to be at least her friend. Someone she can really on. But now the both of us don't say a thing when we hang out. So if you can any advice you can give?
God i feel like such a pathetic drama queen right now
P.S: for those who read My previous stories: In hindsight, I feel the pain I inflected to others in the past which made me feel a bit better

Wait, so some time after you broke up with your first girlfriend, a girl you now had a crush on confessed that she had feelings for you - but she was in a relationship of her own already? Is that correct?

Well, for starters, nothing's wrong with being upset about it. I wouldn't recommend being outright rude to her, or even ranting angrily about her to anyone who's in both your social circles (some people will understand that it's just you being emotional at a bad time ... others won't, and may say something to her about it) - but obviously you'd be upset about the whole situation. She can't expect you to feel the same way now. Or, at least, she shouldn't. If you need to keep your distance from her, then do it. Try to explain calmly if she asks what's up. (It may be best to do so via email, IM, or text, just because it lets you get your thoughts out with the time you need to think about them.)

Second, it... really sounds to me like your heart hasn't picked the best option here. Frankly, I couldn't imagine wanting to grow that close to anyone who is in a relationship already. And the fact that she tried to 'have' both of you at once is unnerving. Seems like the type of person who wouldn't be able to be monogamous, and unfortunately for her, that's what most people want in their serious relationships.

The best advice I can offer is that it would take both time and effort to return your friendship to what it was, before. (Or as close to that as you can hope for.) Both of you would have gone through a lot of emotions, and you need time to sort it out. But it also takes effort, because if it's left alone, it just becomes a chasm that neither of you can cross over.

Spend some time apart. After a while (maybe a week or two, perhaps?) hang out together with other friends, so there's something going on around you guys other than just the two of you. Maybe try to spend some time hanging out with her boyfriend (and not her, not at first), just playing video games or something. (I say this because it'll be easier to deal with her not being available to you if you can relate to him on a friendly, personal level. It may not feel much better, but it'll be easier.) Have a light-but-serious talk with her about how the two of you are now feeling, at some point, if you feel you need to get something off your chest. Though you should try to go into that with a good idea of what you're going to say, and the intent to say it as calmly as possible. Avoid extreme anger or grief; it just sets the other person off. If you two seem to be awkward about something now in conversation or in passing, well, don't force it. You can push the repair of your friendship along a bit, but you can't just force it to happen. If you're calm, patient, and respectful, and repairing the friendship is important enough to both of you, it can be done. But it'd take time and effort from both of you.