Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Redbullet612]

everyone's story is different, but pain is pain no matter where it comes from.

I know, but at least I can be happy to have found such a friend that I did. Some don't have that chance, and I'm just happy I did.

Having one caring friend can be great, I'm so thankful I met my current roommate, I'd still alone. But at the same time, depending on someone like I have isn't exactly a strength either. Its been great, but at the end if the day *I* need to pick myself up, no one else can do that for you. But, they can help.

Edit: Fucking phone, sorry for the garbage writing.

[Wetterl]

everyone's story is different, but pain is pain no matter where it comes from.

I know, but at least I can be happy to have found such a friend that I did. Some don't have that chance, and I'm just happy I did.

Having one caring friend can be great, I'm so thankful I met my current roommate, I'd still alone. But at the same time, depending on someone like I have isn't exactly a strength either. Its been great, but at the end if the day *I* need to pick myself up, no one else can do that for you. But, they can help.

Even though you have to take the step yourself, friends can help you up when you fall. A hand to help you from falling back down, and one pushing you forward.

[Xiious]

excellent to see such a good outlook ^^

[Wetterl]

excellent to see such a good outlook ^^

I'm trying to look on the brighter side of things.

[ArazelEternal]

I still can't cry, even though I want to. I hope it won't take long, although I know it will, because I know how depressed I am and I know that makes the people around me feel bad whether they show it or not.

That is one of my problems. I wont allow myself to cry. Ive been too hardened, and trained by other people to not cry. It almost seems as if they all tried teaching me that it was okay for everyone in the world to cry, except for me. Someone else would cry, they would get all the comfort they needed. I cried, it would be "Ill give you something to cry about" or "Girl, baby, weak" etc. My father and mother never did that to me, but everyone else did, especially my grandmother on my mothers side. I had been beaten for crying, having emotions at all really.

Ive been through a lot, but not like what you have. Sometimes I feel like I am just whining.

[KryingPhoenix]

That is one of my problems. I wont allow myself to cry. Ive been too hardened, and trained by other people to not cry. It almost seems as if they all tried teaching me that it was okay for everyone in the world to cry, except for me. Someone else would cry, they would get all the comfort they needed. I cried, it would be "Ill give you something to cry about" or "Girl, baby, weak" etc. My father and mother never did that to me, but everyone else did, especially my grandmother on my mothers side. I had been beaten for crying, having emotions at all really.

If my username is any indication (minus the fact that I like the letter K better than C) I've dealt with the crying problem. This was probably the sole reason I got bullied throughout elementary school, and I finally learned to hide my tears come middle school but I still showed emotion which was why I still got bullied by guys past that.
Eventually I just reached the point where I didn't care. I just accepted the fact that my emotions were more sensitive to the surroundings than most people and practically fully embraced that part of me. To some degree I have hardened by the world to not cry as much as I did...but to be fair I did cry a lot when I was that young. I guess this is the happy medium I've become accustomed to.
There's also the bit where I got really disgusted with masculinity and have gradually been following my feminine side, but that leads off into a whole separate tangent that's still uncharted territory for me.

Ive been through a lot, but not like what you have. Sometimes I feel like I am just whining.

everyone's story is different, but pain is pain no matter where it comes from.

Xiious said it first, I'm reinforcing it. Hell, when I posted my first story here I felt like I was just whining about my mild problems compared to matters of life and death that other people were dealing with.
It's only whining if you don't plan on doing something about it.

[Redbullet612]

I still can't cry, even though I want to. I hope it won't take long, although I know it will, because I know how depressed I am and I know that makes the people around me feel bad whether they show it or not.

That is one of my problems. I wont allow myself to cry. Ive been too hardened, and trained by other people to not cry. It almost seems as if they all tried teaching me that it was okay for everyone in the world to cry, except for me. Someone else would cry, they would get all the comfort they needed. I cried, it would be "Ill give you something to cry about" or "Girl, baby, weak" etc. My father and mother never did that to me, but everyone else did, especially my grandmother on my mothers side. I had been beaten for crying, having emotions at all really.

Ive been through a lot, but not like what you have. Sometimes I feel like I am just whining.

Yet another thing we share! Except, I don't know why I can't cry. I mean, I was taught early on that it was a bad thing, that men should never cry, yada yada yada, maybe that did it. Who knows? It may have just been the fact that I spent my childhood closed off by myself. And seeing my parents suffering like that, that's a pretty good reason to stop caring about things. If I had kept feeling sad like I was, I probably would have ended up being a complete wreck. It might have been my mind protecting itself then, but now it's become almost a mental barrier. I have had plenty of times when I've wanted to feel something, like funerals for friends and relatives, and just my periods of depression to name some. I've even tried to make myself cry. But nothing. It's actually made me feel like some kind of cold monster, as I very rarely feel anything for anyone, but I don't know why. I just can't feel for people. I've seen families and friends fall down and cry at funerals, right in front of me, giving their final farewells to their loved ones, and I felt nothing. I'd just stare down at them. Even when I saw my dad nearly break into tears saying farewell to his mother after she was lowered into the ground, it was hard to watch, but I felt no sadness. Closest I ever get is a bit teary-eyed sometimes, usually over fiction oddly enough. It's kind of a pain really, as crying really is one of the best ways to let everything out, and I wish that I was an emotional person. But I'm not, and probably will never be. So yeah, I do know what it's like to feel cold all the time. The days come and go too fast like that, everyday for me is the same damn thing. There's never joy, or even sadness. Just cold indifference. It's to the point now where I don't even care about things I used to love anymore, just because they're part of that routine. I've been thinking of giving therapy a try, but I'm somewhat reluctant to. I've been going over all of this daily in my head, for probably about 6 years at least. I'm a bit leery of going through the hassle of therapy only to have the guy tell me what I already know, or throw pills at me.

[Guest]

I honestly am glad for my life, it is a lot better than other people.
But I've always just posted little snippets of small problems, here is the big whole, its not much. Life is good, Im a happy, cheerful, not-so-carefree Person. So read on, but dont expect a story like that one a couple of pages ago by that-one-poster (I have trouble with names)

Note that:
I have ADHD
I am Sensitive.

Anyway

I was raised in a heavily sheltered Home, I only watched older shows. Not sitcoms, more like the smurfs. Yeah.
I also played a lot of Mario and Nintendo games, I really didn't do TOO much.
Then I hit the First Grade (Homeschooled for Kindergarden)
I was pretty Brutal, I was so sheltered, that I still sucked my thumb. I blame my parents on that one.
I had no friends, I was an outsider, I did very little. It sucked. Eventually I learned, It took a few years though. By the 5th Grade I had a 2 man friend group, so I was progressing.
Then I moved schools.
6th grade started Brutal. I quickly gained a friend, only to get backstabbed. I took it hard. I gained 2 more soon after. One was an even worse outsider than me, and such, we were both Ridiculed. The other is still my best friend.
7th grade, My outsider friend dropped, Though my tarnished Reputation for being his only friend stayed. My best friend decided to get me into his friend circle. I was accepted, though it took a while to get into a major part. They are all still my inner circle, except for the girl, she ended up drifting, though we still retain the many inside jokes. I kinda drifted through Band, I tried but not hard enough.
However, I still retained a major weakness: Sensitivity, This is when I realised this. I will cry with a major puncture. I had no defenses. Resistance was Futile
In the 8th grade, I started to improve in Band, due to lack of competition. I met another friend, a youthful 6th grader, the son of my English Teacher. I met him while turning a paper in after school. We both brought our DS Systems and played LEGO Battles, an RTS Game. now we are Strategy Friends. Im going over to his house sunday for his birthday on Monday. My friend group stayed the same other than that. Sensitivity improved SLIGHTLY. Other than that...eh....not much
Freshman Year
Marching Band..HELL YES! This was the kickstart that put my ass in gear for school. Grades were Priority, Friends expanded Greatly, Also, Sensitivity improved because I improved my focus on 1 thing greatly due to Marching Band. I also got ass in gear for Jazz Band, for 2nd Jazz Band has a terrible teacher, compared to 1st.
I also discovered Axis and Allies and KS and COH. 3 things I like. I also got into Anime. yeah. Theres not much else to say, Life is good and I love Band! HOOAH!

I still have faults though.
I am Cocky. I always consider my abilities a bit too much. I generally dislike most Girl's due to their inability to Mature in a good way, instead they stick to stupid social networks. Bleck. I also am too disciplined at times, When Im at school, Im always focused to not get involved in other people's problems. I show little emotion. It truly is terrible.

But enough of me, Sorry for wasting you time with you reading this

[Alexbond45]

^Above post is me, I thought I was logged in...>.>

While some of you cant cry, I SURE AS HELL CAN. Too much, actually, Im moving slow in Clannad season 2. Slower than the British in WWI

[kushiro]

^Above post is me, I thought I was logged in...>.>

While some of you cant cry, I SURE AS HELL CAN. Too much, actually, Im moving slow in Clannad season 2. Slower than the British in WWI

I think if you DIDN'T at least tear up during Clannad, you don't have a SOUL. I was sitting in my little sheet partitioned-off part of the tent in the middle of Afganistan going "MUST. NOT. CRY." since everyone was still in the tent.

[ArazelEternal]

^Above post is me, I thought I was logged in...>.>

While some of you cant cry, I SURE AS HELL CAN. Too much, actually, Im moving slow in Clannad season 2. Slower than the British in WWI

Clannad AS. Thats the only anime Ive ever seen that I think could come close to KS in the amount of feels you get from it. Absolutely soul shattering, especially when Nagisa dies just after giving birth to Ushio, then Ushio is struck with the same sickness and dies as well right in her fathers arms.

[Alexbond45]

God damnitt spoiler is bad! Im tempted to click. Just don't put anything. Just don't. It may repeat a thought cycle and feels WILL strike

[Total Destruction]

Gandara & Wetterl:

I had this epic post semi-thought out for each of you, but Xiious beat me right to the punch with the best pic ever. DAMN THESE FEELS.

[Wetterl]

That is one of my problems. I wont allow myself to cry. Ive been too hardened, and trained by other people to not cry. It almost seems as if they all tried teaching me that it was okay for everyone in the world to cry, except for me. Someone else would cry, they would get all the comfort they needed. I cried, it would be "Ill give you something to cry about" or "Girl, baby, weak" etc. My father and mother never did that to me, but everyone else did, especially my grandmother on my mothers side. I had been beaten for crying, having emotions at all really.

Ive been through a lot, but not like what you have. Sometimes I feel like I am just whining.

Yet another thing we share! snip'd

I just thought of Cartman sayin "Hey yeah, our own secret club!" from South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. Oh well.

I have ADHD

Same here, although I don't have a diagnose.

Gandara & Wetterl:

I had this epic post semi-thought out for each of you, but Xiious beat me right to the punch with the best pic ever. DAMN THESE FEELS.

Life just grabs the moments and takes them away. :3

[Alexbond45]

Gandara & Wetterl:

I had this epic post semi-thought out for each of you, but Xiious beat me right to the punch with the best pic ever. DAMN THESE FEELS.

Yeah the feels were terrible for me, ever counter-method of feeling bad totally failed and Backfired. 1st Method I used was my basic Relaxation. I checked out an interesting book from the Local Library (War in the Pacific, I believe) and I put on classical music and read. However, The repeated thought loops about KS Kept on coming back. I couldnt focus on reading.

Option 2 is a bit more ridiculous sounding, So I give backstory.
My dream job is the be a Band Director. Yep, I love band so much that I want my own. Whenever I listen to Music, I semi Direct with a somewhat proper style. Sometimes, I'll take all the movements from a particular symphony and direct an invisible orchestra to clear my mind. I did this last night toa begin clearing my mind of KS/Other stuff for the weekend, I'm going over to a friend's house tomorrow and staying over for his birthday the next day. Tuesday is Marching Band Instrument Checkout. That adds another thought clearer, Imagine Im in the stands with my section and play music from memory.

I know that sounds pretty stupid, but it works for me! Good enough.