Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[LorSquirrel]

Hmm... A difficult situation there. I don't think anyone in particular is to blame in that kind of thing.

Well how about I bring up something more cheery, eh? I finally l mustered up the courage to tell

my friend how I feel her and even though she didn't say much about she was smiling for the rest of the day, which I think is a good way to gauge how she felt about it.

[Oscar Wildecat]

It's just a shitty situation...

It sounds like there were a lot of people in better placed than you were who should'a/could'a/would'a have done positive things in her life to help her become that better person -- but they didn't. (I would put the girl herself in the "people better placed than you group.")

That said, it's a shirty situation, so it's okay to feel shitty about it. Just don't take more than your share of the guilt in the process.

(I learnt that lesson after a friend of mine committed suicide a few years back.)

[BTW, all the "should'a/could'a/would'a"s in the world + $1.00 is worth exactly $0.99.]

[azumeow]

That's a pretty positive attitude, EBJ. If there's anything I've learned, even if you're struck with a truly horrid fate, if a person wills it hard enough, they can get through damn near anything. It's easy to be overcome by despair after a serious event like a major breakup (especially when you have earlier traumas that made that relationship unique and special), but it's hardly the end of the world. My signature is from a picture of Shirou from Fate/Stay Night, and if you know that work, you know what sheer determination can do when all else fails.

You'll be alright, man. Even if the guilt never goes away (as Oscar mentioned, be careful not to blame yourself too much-I went through something similar to him? and it resulted in a period of borderline insane obsession with saving suicidal people). You've made yourself into something. I doubt a mistake from ten years ago that somebody else can't let go of will harm that in any significant way now.

[YZQ]

Although it would be best if she eventually did integrate into society, at least she's still alive. Things can happen as long as you're not dead.

As for the "parents and therapist" part, I only have one question: what happens after her parents are gone? If there is still a slim chance that she can receive therapy to help her with such a situation (as compared to zero), I don't see why she should not be given the shot. But hey, as Kermit the frog says in the meme, it's none of my business.

[Eurobeatjester]

Although it would be best if she eventually did integrate into society, at least she's still alive. Things can happen as long as you're not dead.

As for the "parents and therapist" part, I only have one question: what happens after her parents are gone? If there is still a slim chance that she can receive therapy to help her with such a situation (as compared to zero), I don't see why she should not be given the shot. But hey, as Kermit the frog says in the meme, it's none of my business.

The person I knew ten years ago and fell in love with would have rather been dead than live the existence she's apparently living now.

I'm just mourning over what might have been. Not for us, I closed that door a long time ago and never looked back, but what might have been for her.

[YZQ]

Although it would be best if she eventually did integrate into society, at least she's still alive. Things can happen as long as you're not dead.

As for the "parents and therapist" part, I only have one question: what happens after her parents are gone? If there is still a slim chance that she can receive therapy to help her with such a situation (as compared to zero), I don't see why she should not be given the shot. But hey, as Kermit the frog says in the meme, it's none of my business.

The person I knew ten years ago and fell in love with would have rather been dead than live the existence she's apparently living now.

I'm just mourning over what might have been. Not for us, I closed that door a long time ago and never looked back, but what might have been for her.

That girl you knew ten years ago no longer exists, and "what ifs" never really helped. At least, IMO.

If you're inclined, point me to the original story. How old is she now? (And if you're in America, I would seriously doubt medical opinion there. That, or her parents may be the type who thinks that having a potential "nuisance" couped up at home and being paid to do that benefits them. Somehow.)

[metalangel]

The person I knew ten years ago and fell in love with would have rather been dead than live the existence she's apparently living now.

Exactly what I was thinking. "At least they're alive" to continue that kind of existence?

[YZQ]

There is still a chance (however slim) that things can turn around for her.

[azumeow]

Lately, I've been feeling so close to giving up on everything. Part of it is my own fault, because I have, yet again, broken the number one rule of being on regular prescription medications: stopped taking them. It's been a week. Why did I do this?

Because I don't want to take the 5 minutes it takes to drive to the pharmacy and pick up my prescription. I've been avoiding leaving the house, and really my bed, whenever possible. I just feel like a failure, and that attitude feeds into itself, and makes me feel worse and that nothing I do will even matter, since half the time something completely out of my control ruins it for me lately. I fucked up college, I got fired from work because I have no charisma or people skills, and I can't even be physically intimate with people without risking a flashback and going into a panic attack. I have no interest in doing much lately, and I've been avoiding sleep as much as possible, because I fucking hate sleeping. It's the one time I truly lose control of my mind, and it terrifies me. So I stay up until my body forces me to sleep, then sleep for like 8-10 hours. Rinse, repeat, and you have my life for the past month.

My therapist gives me weekly tasks to do, and I mostly fail to do those due to a lack of motivation. All she wanted me to do was call my psychiatrist and talk about changing my medications to see if it could help how I'm feeling. I have to call a bunch of other doctors too, because it turns out I have a massive vitamin D deficiency, but the prescription they gave me wasn't any good, so I have to get a new one before I can get the vitamin D and not be at half the lowest boundary for "normal" levels of the stuff.

I just want to give up. The only reason I don't at this point is because
1) I know it'd hurt too many people, even if they don't really show that they give a crap about me most of the time
2) I managed to convince myself about hope, as per my signature.

I'm just so tired, though. I'm so tired of it all.

Also, not super important, but it's my birthday. March 17th, Saint Patrick's day. Woooo. All that partying and stuff, right? Getting super drunkkk? lol no, because I don't drink because I'm literally the only person in my family who is not an alcoholic, and I refuse to drink at all because of it.

[brythain]

Lately, I've been feeling so close to giving up on everything.

Dude, you're writing good stuff. Don't give up yet, it gets better.

[Oscar Wildecat]

I have to call a bunch of other doctors too, because it turns out I have a massive vitamin D deficiency, but the prescription they gave me wasn't any good, so I have to get a new one before I can get the vitamin D and not be at half the lowest boundary for "normal" levels of the stuff.

A Vitamin D deficiency can make you feel like crap -- I've been there. YMMV, my doctor is not a big fan of prescription vitamin D therapy. He prefers that I take daily doses of over-the-counter vitamin D-3 (5000 IU for me). It seems works to well for me. (Again, YMMV.)

[BMFJack]

Azumeow, I can't honestly say I fully know how you feel. I think I've been close though.

It sounds to me like you need good friends. A very large portion of why I came to close to slipping over the edge was because I did what you are currently doing; nothing.

I stayed away from people as much as possible, talked to people as little as possible. Human beings are social creatures, we don't do well when we're alone.

I've been wanting an online friend, PM me if you're interested. I don't judge and I like to learn about people

[Charmant]

I don't judge

Humans are also judgmental creatures.

[Munchenhausen]

Also, not super important, but it's my birthday. March 17th, Saint Patrick's day. Woooo. All that partying and stuff, right? Getting super drunkkk? lol no, because I don't drink because I'm literally the only person in my family who is not an alcoholic, and I refuse to drink at all because of it.

My little sister knows how you feel. She's the stone-sober girl in a family of civil war reenactors.
Keeping in mind, the mantra in the reenactment group is to "replace the adrenaline with alcohol before you start hurting". Pretty much everyone does it, myself included.

I don't judge

Humans are also judgmental creatures.

I'd hate to be the cynical bastard, but he's got a point. Humans are dicks by nature.
I'm sure even Gandhi was a knobhead if you played Monopoly with him.

[azumeow]

And so the bullshit piles on again and again.

My ex texted me. The CRAZY one. I told her "bye X". She responded with "bye azumeow "

The smiley face is making me lose my fucking mind. I think she's just trying to fuck with me, but I just....I don't know, guys. She makes me...she just makes me crazy. It's like a drug: I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. All it took was a happy birthday text, and I'm losing my grip on things again. I can never understand what this chick wants. She says she just wants to be nice, be friends, wish me a happy birthday, etc. It just makes me crazy.

I'm not even exaggerating, I'm losing it over here. Once I saw that text, I knew nothing good would happen, but I find it far too difficult to stop myself from giving her what she wants.